Gobsmacked

[Laurie4b]

Honestly, yeah. I am/was. That she'd be nasty about artwork from a 5 and 6 yo just blows my mind. To me, there's some things that you just don't do, and this would be on the list.

 

I'm seriously considering calling her on this. I'm just not sure if its worth the fall out...but at the same time, I'm sick and tired of everyone letting her get away with this carp b/c of the fall out hissy fit she throws.

 

I need to talk to Wolf about it. He always backs me up, and has encouraged me to stand up to her before, so its not out of the blue...

 

That said, simply not sending her squat and ignoring the email deprives her of the reaction she's obviously wanting.

 

Hmmm.

 

I'm wondering if the effort should go instead into fortifying the large boundary line between her and your family.

 

I agree with you that ignoring is probably torture and I am guessing that confrontation is more like reward to her. . But I totally understand the urge to confront. Like I said, I think I'd channel it into building a taller, thicker boundary.

[Impish]

Your MIL is a real piece of work. Each time you post something about her I think that you must be exaggerating but then you post something else that tops the last thing and, well...wow. :001_huh: I cannot believe that she criticized not only their coloring but the type of crayons you buy. Good grief. I would have told that woman where she could get off long ago.

I've often debated before posting, b/c it really often falls under the category of, "Too weird to make up".

 

I really do appreciate everyone's responses. I'm honestly chewing it all over and not going to make any decisions until a day or 2 goes by.

[QueenCat]

How can anyone be so rotten over artwork from a 5 and 6 yo? Their grandkids to boot. It just seems so nasty.

 

 

Because it is nasty.... I thought mine was bad until I heard about yours....

[HeidiKC]

I see lots of your posts are about this nutball (can I call her that, please?!), but I can't remember how she is with your kids. Is there something about her or her relationship with the kids that you think is valuable to your kids? I have a hard time with my mom (but, yikes, she is nothing like that!) but want her to have a relationship with my kids because it is positive for them. What about your MIL? I'd say if she often makes your kids feel bad or criticizes them to their face - END THE RELATIONSHIP. But it's a lot harder when you think there is some value for your kids in it.

 

If you think it's worth continuing the relationship with her, AND you think she might mention the artwork to them (or anything else to make them feel bad), then I'd definitely say something to her. Not angrily (then she knows she's got power over you), but just matter-of-factly. Maybe an e-mail would be best. Something like, "It'll be a while before the kids have perfected staying in the lines, so we'll send you something when they get there. But they are working hard on it, and I know you wouldn't want to hurt their feelings by pointing it out to them now. So thanks for not mentioning it." I'm sure it's hard to be that nice when you just want to strangle the darn woman, but if she's really that horrible on purpose, she won't get much satisfaction out of this kind of response.

 

Also, do you really think she does this all intentionally to be horrible? Or is it just terrible manners and a lack of...I don't know...knowledge of others' feelings and how she is coming across? And was she ALWAYS this way? Gosh, I feel SO bad for you. That would just make my blood BOIL!

[Kirch]

I wouldn't say a word to her, Imp. Ever again. If you do call her on it and she fakes a heart attack or who-knows-what, Wolf's latent guilt feelings might resurface and you'll be back to wanting peace between them if possible.

 

Do this the drama-free way. Make a little note in your diary that this was the last straw, and just live as if you are on the other side of the fallout you aren't allowing. Does that make sense?

 

Get caller ID and don't answer when she calls. If Wolf is home (and wants to) he can answer it, but don't you and the kids answer. She gets no birth announcements, no baby pictures, no Christmas cards, no nothing from now on.

 

If a relative calls you on this, say, "Oh, we've just been so busy." And change the topic, hang up the phone, walk away. Don't get suckered in.

 

Do I sound like someone who's BTDT? :glare: I have, with a grandmother.

 

The only possible open door for the future results from flat refusing to have any altercations or discussions about the fadeout you are obviously enforcing. It is a non-topic. The only way to keep this from being a problem for Wolf is for you to be pretty much silent as you consistently enforce the new boundaries. IMHO.

 

:iagree: I know you've posted before that Wolf isn't comfortable completely cutting her out of his life, and I can see why you want to respect that, but IMO there's no reason on earth why you and the kids need to keep on interacting with her. NOTHING you say or do will change how she acts. The only way you and your kids are going to be protected from her carp is if you start refusing to allow it in.

[CanaryMelody]

I've often debated before posting, b/c it really often falls under the category of, "Too weird to make up".

 

I really do appreciate everyone's responses. I'm honestly chewing it all over and not going to make any decisions until a day or 2 goes by.

 

I agree with PP with cutting off the artwork (and even the photos... hey at least you took the time to SEND SOMETHING! She should be grateful!)

 

My oldest daughter never writes cards or letters to family. The one time she did my dad emailed thanking her for it and then in the same email saying how bad her handwriting was. Um.. Dad? Can you just count yourself lucky that she even wrote to you at all??? Well, DD saw that email by accident and hasn't written anything to him since. :glare:

[FiveOaksAcademy]

Next year you ought to find a very detailed coloring page and then color it perfectly yourself, then send a type-written Birthday wish, saying only "Happy Birthday" with your children's names typed. Then put a p.s. that you decided to honor her high tastes by coloring this one yourself since their work isn't good enough. Tell her to just pretend her grandchildren did it. Hey, you could even do it tomorrow and send it out, to "make up" for the one she is disappointed in. :lol:

 

That just blows my mind...I've never heard of someone behaving like that.

Edited November 17, 2011 by FiveOaksAcademy

[FiveOaksAcademy]

This...and Always Expect the Worst! (with MIL) You won't be disappointed! :grouphug:

 

:iagree: Someone told me something like that before. From the sound of things, she's just continuing to be who she's proven herself to be in the past. The hardest thing is when we expect them to behave better each time and are continually disappointed. If she continues to behave badly, she's just being who she's always shown herself to be.

 

If you continue contact with her, you could make a game of it and consider it a challenge to see if she can, in fact, be more rude next time. Some kind of game chart would be in order. :lol:

[Georgiana Daniels]

That. Is. Awful.

 

She must be missing some critical DNA.

[livingnlearning]

She needs her Grandma Card revoked!

 

I divorced my inlaws several years ago, it's been the best thing ever for my life and marriage. I just seceded from that side of the family, DH and kids still see them when they want. Peace descended over the little valley. :)

[jennsmile]

Imp,

I think I need to mail my shirt for you to wear next time you see MIL.

 

It has a witch stirring a cauldron saying you can't scare me I have a MIL.

 

I actually mostly like my MIL though she does drive me nuts sometimes.

[5kidsforME]

Your MIL is a real piece of work. Each time you post something about her I think that you must be exaggerating but then you post something else that tops the last thing and, well...wow. :001_huh: I cannot believe that she criticized not only their coloring but the type of crayons you buy. Good grief. I would have told that woman where she could get off long ago.

 

The only reason I haven't written Imp off on all of these mil stories is because my mil is a lot like her mil I know that sounds horrible but i think in some situations unless you have BTDT or have SEEN other people go through it, you just have. no. idea.

[5kidsforME]

For those of you that say that you need to just cut her out of your life, you have no idea how hard that would be.

 

When it comes down to it, it is her dh's mother. It is a really tough situation. For anyone that has gone through it they know that.

 

If mil was physically abusive to the kids or you than it would be totally obvious what needed to be done. Unfortunately with verbal abuse the lines aren't so clear. The problem is your (general your) dh has grown up with this woman, and is used to all her issues and nastiness. She is still his mother and i think in a way they get conditioned to it. Does that make sense? Than you come along and are like, whooaaaaa?!? Wtheck? Why is she like this and how does anyone think this is acceptable?? Everyone looks at you like, what? This is just how she is, what's your problem? Don't rock the boat! Is it really that bad? She didn't really say that! Oh she was just joking! She's 50-60-70 years old you're not going to change her, just let it go.

 

I have heard all the above from my fil, even my dh when we were newly married. like I said my mil is in a lot of ways like Imp's.

 

I'm not going to change mil, I can't, but I can change myself and how I handle her. Fortunately over the years dh has seen more and more why i feel the way i do and can see now that his mother is over the top and not always kind. That has helped too.

[macpuffins]

Like others, I'm appalled at her behaviour. Those aren't even close to what I want to say, but this is a family board, as has been mentioned as well.

 

My MIL *raves* over every little thing MissB and the other g-kids have done. We have to stop her from taking *our* samples that we are keeping. She will print out photos herself, we just drop the pictures on her camera card for her. Nanny *loves up* on MissB and never ONCE commented about in-the-lines (even on the older g-kids). She would consider that blasphemy!

 

Obviously she needs lessons in politesse and thankfulness as it applies to children, especially her g-kids. Her behaviours speak very poorly of her.

 

Good for you on protecting the littles, and cherishing their works of art as befits a Momma :) :grouphug:

[Impish]

For those of you that say that you need to just cut her out of your life, you have no idea how hard that would be.

 

When it comes down to it, it is her dh's mother. It is a really tough situation. For anyone that has gone through it they know that.

 

If mil was physically abusive to the kids or you than it would be totally obvious what needed to be done. Unfortunately with verbal abuse the lines aren't so clear. The problem is your (general your) dh has grown up with this woman, and is used to all her issues and nastiness. She is still his mother and i think in a way they get conditioned to it. Does that make sense? Than you come along and are like, whooaaaaa?!? Wtheck? Why is she like this and how does anyone think this is acceptable?? Everyone looks at you like, what? This is just how she is, what's your problem? Don't rock the boat! Is it really that bad? She didn't really say that! Oh she was just joking! She's 50-60-70 years old you're not going to change her, just let it go.

 

I have heard all the above from my fil, even my dh when we were newly married. like I said my mil is in a lot of ways like Imp's.

 

I'm not going to change mil, I can't, but I can change myself and how I handle her. Fortunately over the years dh has seen more and more why i feel the way i do and can see now that his mother is over the top and not always kind. That has helped too.

Yup. MIL is 85? 86? I hear all the time how she's elderly, won't be around forever, etc.

 

That's absolutely part of the issue. If we cut her out of our lives, how much longer until she passes away? And then what about the fall out for Wolf, the guilt he'll have for cutting her out for the last year or whatever of her life?

 

Its really not a simple issue.

 

Thankfully, Wolf has moved from sticking his head in the sand and calls her on most things. He'll still ignore what he can, its how he learned to cope with her NPD personality as a kid, but is far more aware of the impact she has on me and the kids, and goes total Papa Bear at those times.

 

He ignored the initial comment made to him...that she felt the need to repeat it to me has completely pi$$ed him off. She's obviously looking to provoke, so as I understand it, is going to be greeted by complete silence for a while. Neither of us is inclined to talk to her for a while.

 

Hopefully it doesn't result in hysterical msgs where she's threatening to call the police to check on us again though. :glare:

[macpuffins]

For those of you that say that you need to just cut her out of your life, you have no idea how hard that would be.

 

I have heard all the above from my fil, even my dh when we were newly married. like I said my mil is in a lot of ways like Imp's.

 

I'm not going to change mil, I can't, but I can change myself and how I handle her. Fortunately over the years dh has seen more and more why i feel the way i do and can see now that his mother is over the top and not always kind. That has helped too.

 

This was the situation my hubby found himself in when we got married. We had to cut off my mother and it was hard. Emotional orphans go through he-double-hockeysticks to get there. But in some cases, it is the right thing to do. Had MissB been born before my mother passed away, she would never have held her, ever. I'm not even sure I would have allowed her in the same room w/o a LOT of others in the room as well (including at least 1 non-family member). It would not have been worth the risk for the spiritual shrapnel my child would have been exposed to.

I'm just exceptionally grateful that my MIL & the rest of the in-laws are pretty freaking awesome! Most of hubby's surviving in-laws are awesome now. How sad is that?

[prairiewindmomma]

:grouphug: My in-laws visited this past weekend.....I can sadly relate.

 

In some (small) way I pity my MIL, it's gotta be hard to be that bitter in your heart all of the time.

[linguistmama]

I wouldn't say a word to her, Imp. Ever again. If you do call her on it and she fakes a heart attack or who-knows-what, Wolf's latent guilt feelings might resurface and you'll be back to wanting peace between them if possible.

 

Do this the drama-free way. Make a little note in your diary that this was the last straw, and just live as if you are on the other side of the fallout you aren't allowing. Does that make sense?

 

Get caller ID and don't answer when she calls. If Wolf is home (and wants to) he can answer it, but don't you and the kids answer. She gets no birth announcements, no baby pictures, no Christmas cards, no nothing from now on.

 

If a relative calls you on this, say, "Oh, we've just been so busy." And change the topic, hang up the phone, walk away. Don't get suckered in.

 

Do I sound like someone who's BTDT? :glare: I have, with a grandmother.

 

The only possible open door for the future results from flat refusing to have any altercations or discussions about the fadeout you are obviously enforcing. It is a non-topic. The only way to keep this from being a problem for Wolf is for you to be pretty much silent as you consistently enforce the new boundaries. IMHO.

 

:iagree: I would be done having much of anything to do with her and leave that in Wolf's hands as to what he feels comfortable with for himself. My mom visited during the first trimester of this hg pregnancy and asked dh why I was so mad at her since I wasn't up to talking much. Yes, mom it's all about you! :glare: But even she would NEVER criticize the kid's artwork, she always oohs and aahs over it and anything else they do.

[5kidsforME]

:grouphug: My in-laws visited this past weekend.....I can sadly relate.

 

In some (small) way I pity my MIL, it's gotta be hard to be that bitter in your heart all of the time.

 

 

I try to remind myself this often. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't.

[Impish]

I now have an email accusing me of deleting the pictures I sent of the baby.

 

How the HECK would I be able to delete pics that I've already sent to her?

 

:banghead:

 

I love how her inability to manage her emails = me doing something.

 

And I have no booze in the house.

 

*heads for her secret stash of Lindor that SpecialMama gave her the other day*

[Bang!Zoom!]

I'd be sending that chick a copy of Ms. Manners with bookmarks and highlighting throughout.

[5LittleMonkeys]

That's absolutely part of the issue. If we cut her out of our lives, how much longer until she passes away? And then what about the fall out for Wolf, the guilt he'll have for cutting her out for the last year or whatever of her life?

 

Its really not a simple issue.

 

 

Yes, it really is that simple. His relationship with his mother has nothing to do with you. If Wolf puts his marriage before his relationship with his mother then he will totally support you in cutting her from YOUR life. He still can speak with her, visit her, send her cards...whatever. If she truly loves him then your avoidance of her shouldn't keep her from interacting with him. If howeve,r she is as passive aggressive and narcissistic as you make her out to be she may decide not to interact with him, but that is HER decision. Wolf needs to do what is best for you and his dc. She obviously (based on all of your posts about her) causes you extreme stress and frustration. I would think that his top priority would be to protect you from her venomous behavior.

[Impish]

Yes, it really is that simple. His relationship with his mother has nothing to do with you. If Wolf puts his marriage before his relationship with his mother then he will totally support you in cutting her from YOUR life. He still can speak with her, visit her, send her cards...whatever. If she truly loves him then your avoidance of her shouldn't keep her from interacting with him. If howeve,r she is as passive aggressive and narcissistic as you make her out to be she may decide not to interact with him, but that is HER decision. Wolf needs to do what is best for you and his dc. She obviously (based on all of your posts about her) causes you extreme stress and frustration. I would think that his top priority would be to protect you from her venomous behavior.

Actually, its not that simple. I step in and deal w/her to give him a break. He's not ready, and likely won't ever be, to cut her off. There comes a point where he just can't deal with her anymore, and I step in to give him some breathing room, and a break from the constant carp coming from her.

 

Its about what my dh needs, not about her.

 

He's very good, now, about stepping in and letting her know she's crossed lines and leaving her to stew in silence for a bit.

[5LittleMonkeys]

Actually, its not that simple. I step in and deal w/her to give him a break. He's not ready, and likely won't ever be, to cut her off. There comes a point where he just can't deal with her anymore, and I step in to give him some breathing room, and a break from the constant carp coming from her.

 

Well, then I am very sorry that he isn't at a place emotionally that he can deal with her on his own. It's a shame that this person is causing so much stress in BOTH of your lives. Maybe you can take the even months and he can take the odd ones. At least then you'd each have 6 months MIL free.:grouphug:

[pfamilygal]

Wow. As my kids would say, "What a 'J-A-word'"!

[JVA]

Imp,

I think I need to mail my shirt for you to wear next time you see MIL.

 

It has a witch stirring a cauldron saying you can't scare me I have a MIL.

 

 

Hilarious! I've got to get one of these- but because of my own mother.

[Impish]

Well, then I am very sorry that he isn't at a place emotionally that he can deal with her on his own. It's a shame that this person is causing so much stress in BOTH of your lives. Maybe you can take the even months and he can take the odd ones. At least then you'd each have 6 months MIL free.:grouphug:

We both have things that we're better at dealing with with the other's support...for him, its his mother. Thankfully, its not something I have to do often, but to cut her off would be leaving him without the support he deserves.

 

I can usually avoid talking to her for at least a month at a time. Email is my acct though, and she knows that, b/c Wolf doesn't like the puter beyond checking out news.

[elfgivas]

you know.... you just had a baby....

and she may be just, well, jealous.

 

which would ramp up the hurtfulness.

 

it may have nothing to do with anything else.....

 

sigh....

 

ann

[Impish]

you know.... you just had a baby....

and she may be just, well, jealous.

 

which would ramp up the hurtfulness.

 

it may have nothing to do with anything else.....

 

sigh....

 

ann

I actually hadn't thought of that. Would explain the sudden flurry of negative emails I've gotten. Of course, that may be more to do w/Wolf being home now too...Before she'd just call when she was certain he was at work.

[kolamum]

I'm guessing, having grown up and still as an adult dealing with a person like this, that telling her point blank she's rude will do little. BUT, I'm never one to let that stop me with the family member I'm thinking of.

 

Next time she offers you advise I'd say, "Oh, thanks for that idea. I have one for you etiquette lessons." Say it in a happy voice as if you could care less. Anger is what they are looking for and as long as they know they "got you" they are Queen of the hills.

 

Since not caring one little bit, in my family members presence, if she likes it or not or throws a hissy fit or not I've heard ZIP.NADDA.NOTHING from this person. While part of me feels a twinge of guilt from time to time for not being more forgiving and Christ like, I have to admit, the lack of idiocy is a wonderfully freeing feeling. :D

 

I no longer have to walk on egg shells. I can brag about my kids without this person getting in my face about how her child did it in half the time and 5x better. I don't have to hear the stupidity of how they didn't get a prize because the competition was rigged and the judges were biased. I am no longer under this person's thumb because I chose to say, "You don't bother me. You are a small pathetic person who clearly has no self respect for yourself or anyone else. You don't make me angry, but I feel sorry for you because you're going to grow old and be a very lonely person."

 

I say screen your calls and ignore the phone. I do. :D It's another freeing feeling. ;)

[Chris in VA]

Imp, I'm sorry she's so difficult. I was wondering, you've said she's NPD--is she also an Aspie? I know it's hard to determine in other people, but she does seem to have difficulties that the Aspies I know of, have.

Purely a curious/nosy question. Hope that's ok.

[SweetMissMagnolia]

:iagree: ooooh i'd be livid....

[Mommyfaithe]

Denise, I'm honestly just stunned. How can anyone be so rotten over artwork from a 5 and 6 yo? Their grandkids to boot. It just seems so nasty.

 

 

You know Imp. She sounds mentally ill to me. Seriously. If she was sick with cancer, or some other horrendous illness, it would be easier to deal with. I know mental illness is not contagious....but, it sure does hurt those around the sick person. My Mom was mentally ill like that. I handled her with kid gloves, knew she was sick, tried to loe her anyway....BUT, kept her at arms length from my children.

 

I still deal with the ramifications of her illness and the toll it took on me...but I was in NO WAY going to let her put that on my kids. I let them know their Nanny had an illness that caused her to say things she didn't mean...and she loved them...and just let it be at that.

 

She is gone now a year...and I am just now healing from a lifelong of being subjected to her illness. Hug Wolf....and just keep your kids away from her as much as possible. Be sweet to her...and put cotton balls in your ears. Do not react to anything she says. Learn to tune her out.....and show lots of mercy to Wolfe. This has to be excruciatingly painful to him.:grouphug:

 

I am sorry you are having to deal with this nonsemnse so soon after having Joshua. Next year send a dollar store card with a lottery ticket and call it done.

 

Faithe

[Mommyfaithe]

I actually hadn't thought of that. Would explain the sudden flurry of negative emails I've gotten. Of course, that may be more to do w/Wolf being home now too...Before she'd just call when she was certain he was at work.

 

Use your DELTE button....a lot.

[MariannNOVA]

I told Wolf, no more. She isn't getting diddly from our kids from now on. They can send everything to my parents, who at least make the kids feel good about what they send.

 

No, the kids don't know how incredibly rude Grandma was, and they won't. I'm just really angry.

 

Lessons on colouring, indeed! :banghead::cursing:

 

I think this is wise. If she's not appreciating their work, and she's constantly complaining, why bother?

 

Hi, there! Checking in from NJ -- and I haven't gouged my eyes out with needles yet, which is pretty good. We will heading back home late tonight.

 

Anyway -- I don't have time to read all the replies, I am doing IEw with DS11. But, I agree with what denise said. I have taken a similar approach with dh's parents (who are 30 minutes from where we are staying and told dh they can't get here to see the kids) -- I no longer let it get to me. I do not communicate with them -- my answer: I am TOO busy -- you are probably 1000X busier than me so I would suggest you adopt that approach. For me, dh's parents are dh's parents, not mine, and I am not going to get sucked into their passive aggressive/guilt thing. And, the benefit of it is that I definitely know that since I stopped communicating with them and getting sucked in to their mind games, dh is more aware of their nonsense and the boundaries that they should adhere to are being more closely adhered to. Does that make sense? :confused:

[Impish]

Imp, I'm sorry she's so difficult. I was wondering, you've said she's NPD--is she also an Aspie? I know it's hard to determine in other people, but she does seem to have difficulties that the Aspies I know of, have.

Purely a curious/nosy question. Hope that's ok.

I don't think so, Chris. She's too aware of how to emotionally manipulate others...something that requires being aware of social cues, etc, that I don't associate with Aspies. I could be totally wrong on that though.

 

She's the first to get her feelings hurt, to throw a hissy when ppl tell her no, to use guilt to try and get her way. The Aspies I've known/heard of tend to be more black and white, factual vs emotional.

 

Faithe, I came to the conclusion a while ago that she's NPD, which fits the mental illness idea. I wasn't 100% sure, in reading the checklist/description, so I showed it to Wolf, and he immediately said it fit her perfectly.

 

Mariann, I'm ducking communication for a while. I know there will come a point where Wolf is just exhausted dealing with her and I'll need to step in to give him a break, but until then, I'm standing back and ignoring her.

 

Not easy...the latest shot from her has her saying how she knows I have quite a problem taking care of the baby and all, and how Wolf's had to take 'maternity' leave to help me out...but how I was able to take care of Tazzie (that was before RSD).

 

Somehow, coming from her, its a far different feel...probably me just overreacting and being hyper sensitive after the other carp.

[unsinkable]

I don't think so, Chris. She's too aware of how to emotionally manipulate others...something that requires being aware of social cues, etc, that I don't associate with Aspies. I could be totally wrong on that though.

 

She's the first to get her feelings hurt, to throw a hissy when ppl tell her no, to use guilt to try and get her way. The Aspies I've known/heard of tend to be more black and white, factual vs emotional.

 

Faithe, I came to the conclusion a while ago that she's NPD, which fits the mental illness idea. I wasn't 100% sure, in reading the checklist/description, so I showed it to Wolf, and he immediately said it fit her perfectly.

 

Mariann, I'm ducking communication for a while. I know there will come a point where Wolf is just exhausted dealing with her and I'll need to step in to give him a break, but until then, I'm standing back and ignoring her.

 

Not easy...the latest shot from her has her saying how she knows I have quite a problem taking care of the baby and all, and how Wolf's had to take 'maternity' leave to help me out...but how I was able to take care of Tazzie (that was before RSD).

 

Somehow, coming from her, its a far different feel...probably me just overreacting and being hyper sensitive after the other carp.

 

If you are ducking communication, how did you hear her latest shot? why would someone repeat that to you?

[Impish]

If you are ducking communication, how did you hear her latest shot? why would someone repeat that to you?

Email. I'm not responding to anything, which is how I'm ducking communication.

 

She doesn't email Wolf, only me.

[Teachin'Mine]

:grouphug: I'm sorry about your MIL's reaction to their artwork. Such a response doesn't deserve their time and efforts. Send it to the grateful and appreciative grandparents. :001_smile:

Edited November 18, 2011 by Teachin'Mine

[MariannNOVA]

 

Mariann, I'm ducking communication for a while. I know there will come a point where Wolf is just exhausted dealing with her and I'll need to step in to give him a break, but until then, I'm standing back and ignoring her.

 

When I stopped communicating and passed the communication baton to dh, I never picked it back up. If he wants to communicate with them, he can. I don't. They hear from him alot less than they used to. You need to give yourself an MIL break - a really long one.

 

 

 

Somehow, coming from her, its a far different feel...probably me just overreacting and being hyper sensitive after the other carp.

I daresay she knows what buttons to push!

[UnsinkableKristen]

Email. I'm not responding to anything, which is how I'm ducking communication.

 

She doesn't email Wolf, only me.

 

 

Tell Wolf that he needs to be the email point man and start deleting the emails you get on the spot, no reading. A break from talking to her is good, but you sound like you need an actual break.

[Tammyla]

:grouphug:Just lobely. Mil is the same, I'm learning the hard way not to respond, even when the next e-mail comes, the follow up phone call and the repeat e-mail. I'm going for totally selective hearing and no e-mail replies.

 

Cards are signed by me...from everyone and mailed. Case closed.

 

Some people (especially grandparents) need to learn how to say a simple thank you.

 

Email. I'm not responding to anything, which is how I'm ducking communication.

 

She doesn't email Wolf, only me.

[Sharpie]

Do you have to even open her emails? Can you hit delete without reading them? :grouphug:

[Impish]

Mariann, when I talk to her, its about taking pressure off Wolf, giving him a break, being supportive of him. Its nothing to do with *her*, but what I feel I need to do to support my dh. Does that make sense?

 

Tell Wolf that he needs to be the email point man and start deleting the emails you get on the spot, no reading. A break from talking to her is good, but you sound like you need an actual break.

Wolf and I have seperate email accts. He just doesn't bother with his.

:grouphug:Just lobely. Mil is the same, I'm learning the hard way not to respond, even when the next e-mail comes, the follow up phone call and the repeat e-mail. I'm going for totally selective hearing and no e-mail replies.

 

Cards are signed by me...from everyone and mailed. Case closed.

 

Some people (especially grandparents) need to learn how to say a simple thank you.

Wow, I'm not the only one that gets the repeat emails, follow up calls, etc!

[Tammyla]

No, no you are not.

 

Wow, I'm not the only one that gets the repeat emails, follow up calls, etc!

 

I can't believe you mil is poking at you, so soon after delivery. Isn't there an unwritten law about being kind to new mothers:001_huh:.

[Impish]

No, no you are not.

 

I can't believe you mil is poking at you, so soon after delivery. Isn't there an unwritten law about being kind to new mothers:001_huh:.

A PP suggested that she's jealous. That made a lot of sense to me, unfortunately.

[Paisley Hedgehog]

nm

[kathymuggle]

Have you tried confronting her in the past or being equally as snippy as she is?

 

I understand the need to keep in touch with MIL, and I understand running interference for your husband. I tend to think I would be as snippy with her as she was with me, though. I don't want to be anyones verbal punching bag - and if you will not break ties with her or inisist your husband do all of the dealing - you should stand up to her, IMHO. It might not change her, but at least you get to advocate for yourself. I wouldn't be nasty and I would not sink to her level but I would call her on her cr@p. Ignoring the situation does not seem to be working. Figure out a way to take away her power.

 

I know I am a newbie and I do not know the backstory. If I am out to lunch please disregard.

 

Congrats on the baby!

 

Kathy

Edited November 18, 2011 by kathymuggle

[Kirch]

Use your DELTE button....a lot.

 

:iagree: Just because she sends it doesn't mean you've got to read it. ;)

[Tammyla]

Well I guess that makes some sense, in the I'm a mean spiteful nut world. I appreciate your posts; they reassure me...that it isn't just me.

 

I recently had a decent limited visit with mil. I prayed, asked for prayer and read Boundaries before going.

 

A PP suggested that she's jealous. That made a lot of sense to me, unfortunately.