Ottakee Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 I have read some books on married intimacy (Sheet Music, etc) and visited a forum and I was a bit surprised at how many (esp. on the forums) seem to discuss quite a bit of intimacy details with friends, sibings, parents, etc. I can see some benefits of gleaning some good basic information, etc. but I also don't really want to know that my friend's dh really likes ............ or that my sister and her husband enjoy............ Or that so and so is having a problem with ........ That just seems like too much information for me. Then again, where are you supposed to get good, basic information from and help for when there are problems, etc? THought??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PinkInTheBlue Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 I have a very good friend who is very casual and comfortable discussing her intimacy from time to time. That's not me. I'm not a prude but I don't want anyone thinking something personal I told about my husband and I when they are around him/us together. Sometimes it would be really helpful because there are some questions/thoughts I'd like to have the thoughts of others on though. I just don't feel that information (that also belongs to my husband) should be shared without his consent. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginevra Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 No. If a good friend had an important personal question, I might be willing to answer it, but no, I don't consider teA habits to be for general discussion. It rubs me rather wrong when others talk about it as if it is for general discussion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 Absolutely not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 Never. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meggie Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 No I don't talk about it with people I know IRL. That's why I was so frustrated and had my "Rant about TeA" thread. I was so embarrassed I didn't want to talk to my mom or sister about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 Not really. I have a few friends that I swap innuendos with, but who wants details?!?!?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 Among good friends when one is having an issue? Sometimes. Keep in mind that few people in my circles have any family living nearby. Otherwise, not really. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mytwomonkeys Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 i have a few friends that are very open and give a lot of info when speaking about intimacy. i've known them since we were 14 though (and i'm 40 now). it doesn't bother me at all to have them share at their comfort level. my comfort level is different though, so they never get an earful from this end:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 No. If a good friend had an important personal question, I might be willing to answer it, but no, I don't consider teA habits to be for general discussion. I've given sex ed talks to younger people I've caught the train with. :001_huh: I'd rather not, but if I wasn't going to tell them, who was? :glare: I'll tell a lot of things for the sake of education, but it is definitely NOT a topic for general chit chat! Rosie the prude Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blueridge Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 I would not want to share that kind of information ;), but I have been known to listen to others share. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 (edited) This was a topic of discussion at the park the other day. A close friend was saying she was at an end of year homeschool party (so kid centered, parents socializing) and one couple got snot slinging drunk, then proceeded to start the "where is the strangest place you've ever done it" sharing game. Ew. So I started randomly polling other friends and the universal response is "no thank you" on discussing intimate (teA) details with friends. It is one thing to discuss a book you've read, but as someone else already said, I do not actually wish to know a friend's (or friend's spouse's) preferences. No thank you. (eta: sex ed is something entirely different. If a friend asked me, educationally, about something, I would be happy to answer with any information I might have, but that is a different genre of discussion.) Edited October 5, 2011 by MyCrazyHouse Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatCyndiGirl Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 It depends on the friend, but yes, absolutely. I read a Christian sex forum recently (where they talk about married sex and problems, etc. not porn) and the advice given there was downright dangerous! A woman asked for advice because her husband had a "problem with best.iality", but she wanted to make it work. I am still agog that not only was her dh cheating on her, but WITH A BEING UNABLE TO GIVE CONSENT, he was r@ping animals and others were encouraging her to go to counseling and make it work. THIS is why I rely on friends, real IRL friends. We don't think of each other's dhs and their sex lives when we see them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunD Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 There is one friend, my best friend ever. My mom? HECK no. My sister? I've had "talks" with her, but definitely of the sex ed type. My SIL? I don't think she wants to imagine her baby brother in that type of situation. :lol: She would probably run away. Anyway, my best friend and I grew up together and always talked about boys and dating, and later about figuring out tea-related things. We've never stopped. I've been very glad to have someone I feel comfortable sharing with, or venting to when I'm upset. Our husbands know we talk about it and they're fine with it. Their only requests are that we not share the info about the other couple with them, and that we pretend we don't know when we're all together. No in-jokes or innuendos. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsMe Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Absolutely not, nor do I want to hear others. I can just imagine if my or their DH's did the same. How many people could you really hold a conversation with knowing they know it all. Gross. No. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen in CO Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Never. I also don't discuss money or religion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 No. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pretty in Pink Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Rarely. My best girlfriend and I have been friends since we were 14 so, yeah, we talked about those things a lot when we were younger. She is one of the few friends that I would be comfortable sharing intimate details with but honestly it hasn't come up in several years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted October 6, 2011 Author Share Posted October 6, 2011 Looks like I am in good company then. A close friend and I will occ. make vague references to things but NOTHING personal, etc. I can see the need for good sex ed. and how forum (if they have good, accurate, Biblical advice) and good books could be helpful but in honor of my husband, I don't really want to share with close friends that we ......... or ............ or have trouble with ............ Whether or not it is "standard", my best friend and I have an agreement that anything she tells me could be told to my dh and anything I tell her could be told to her dh. NOW, many things are NOT shared---issues with cycles, menopause, even daily conversations--but we do have a policy where we don't keep secrets from our spouses. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slartibartfast Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 No, not really. Only if there is an issue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathmom Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 I would never discuss personal details with anyone, nor do I want to hear anyone else's details. Discussing it on general terms is fine with me and I have many times in explaining Catholic teachings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UmMusa Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 I certainly don't, but I have a clear memory that in my mom's circle of family and friends teA was talked about a lot. I'm talking about amongst the women. I even remember it as a memory, and when I got married I realized that there's no way I could be open like that about our details. I don't let on anything really to anyone I know. It's private. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 It depends on the friend, but yes, absolutely. I read a Christian sex forum recently (where they talk about married sex and problems, etc. not porn) and the advice given there was downright dangerous! A woman asked for advice because her husband had a "problem with best.iality", but she wanted to make it work. I am still agog that not only was her dh cheating on her, but WITH A BEING UNABLE TO GIVE CONSENT, he was r@ping animals and others were encouraging her to go to counseling and make it work. THIS is why I rely on friends, real IRL friends. We don't think of each other's dhs and their sex lives when we see them. Wowza! That's some special kind of wackadoddle crazy forum you found! (How weird is it that I have the perfect kilt picture for it?!:lol:) I might make some innuendos, usually joking form. But other than saying dh is awesome - I would never comment otherwise to anyone. Friend, family, or otherwise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 (edited) Depends on which friends. :001_smile: Now, I don't talk about details, nor about my Dh, but yes, we talk about sex. But then again, I also used to be one of the romance party reps. THOSE were fun. I got asked questions all the time. You'd be surprised how many people really want to talk about that stuff, but can't, so they hold a lot of pain and questions inside. When they know you're a safe person to talk to, it all comes out. I also was friends with a one of the most devout Christian women I know, who opened up an online sex shop for marrieds. She had lived with abuse for many, many years and was *very* open. Edited October 6, 2011 by justamouse Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Wowza! That's some special kind of wackadoddle crazy forum you found!(How weird is it that I have the perfect kilt picture for it?!:lol:) I might make some innuendos, usually joking form. But other than saying dh is awesome - I would never comment otherwise to anyone. Friend, family, or otherwise. Lol, it's because of the amount of our kids. I usually shut people up with a, "Yep, he's very good at it." ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 I would never discuss personal details with anyone, nor do I want to hear anyone else's details. Discussing it on general terms is fine with me and I have many times in explaining Catholic teachings. Yes, this. It is one thing to vaguely discuss it. It is another to give personal bedroom details. One is just facts of life stuff. The other is intimate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeacefulChaos Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Um, it depends I guess??? I don't go into any details. A group of women that I'm a part of (get this...moms Bible study group :lol: ) sometimes teases each other about it but nothing big. Just the usual, kwim? I have gone into more detail about other aspects with a very close friend when she was asking some questions. Still never intimate details of our life though. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 I've known one of my good friends since we were about 12 and she shares that kind of information. I just "uh-huh" my way through ~ I've known her dh just as long :001_huh:. I never share anything from my side. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrissiK Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 No! That is one thing I will not discuss with friends! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smilesonly Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 No way. I feel it is a violation of a marriage. Where to get info? The internet,books, doctor, chiro, etc..;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In2why Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 I think a lot depends on your age and situation. Before my core group were married we shared more. Now that we are all in long term marriages and the early kinks are figured out, very rarely. Although I wouldn't be surprised if we discuss things that naturally change as we all get older as they happen. I don't mean steamy details, but actual physical issues or how those issues can change how couples see themselves and each other. I am glad my friends and I can have those types of conversations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jubilation Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Nope, I do not go there! I have a coworker who likes to overshare in very graphic terms, and I really don't want to make people uncomfortable the way she does. Vague discussions don't bug me, but I still choose to refrain. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smilesonly Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 I think a lot depends on your age and situation. I wouldn't be surprised if we discuss things that naturally change as we all get older as they happen. I don't mean steamy details, but actual physical issues or how those issues can change how couples see themselves and each other. I am glad my friends and I can have those types of conversations. That's a good point! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 No. Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WishboneDawn Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 I have only one friend I share intimate details of my marriage with and it just so happens that I'm married to him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JVA Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 I have only one friend I share intimate details of my marriage with and it just so happens that I'm married to him. Exactly this. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Depends on which friend. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MBM Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 I don't talk about my sex life with anyone other than my husband. It's personal. I have friends who have occasionally told me too much, and from that, I've created a visual image that is permanently seared into my brain that haunts me everytime I think of either of them. Unfortunately, it is nothing like the Harlequin romance novels but more like PBS animal mating shows. I just don't get the right image, so please don't share. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G5052 Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 I remember being so embarrassed as a young adult when relatives or coworkers did this. So when I married, I determined not to say a thing. That actually caused a problem at work among a group of ladies who felt that such sharing was part of "bonding." They ended up shunning me, and I ultimately changed jobs. One of them was having an affair with the boss, and she made my life miserable. All because I kept that part of life private. No regrets. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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