lorrainejmc Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 Is this typical? My son is only turned 8 and has communication delays. He has a very slightly impacted molar and the letter states that parents are to stay in the waiting room. Even for an 8 yr old? I've tried calling them but I'm only getting voice mail. We're in the UK so you have no choice of orthodontist. I know he will be very scared without me there.:crying: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frontier Mom Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 Not common. Our orthodontist is extremely family friendly and wants the parent back with the child during the assessment. I would be skeptical unless they expect your son to pay for the treatment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 If you have no choice you need to put on your best cheerful face. Can you stop in and talk with them alone between now and the appointment? It might work better than the phone. I've always been with the kids except at the oral surgeon. If you aren't going to be there find out exactly what they are going to do so you can go over it ahead of time. It seems crazy for parents not to go in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChrissySC Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 I let me children dictate how they feel and my action based on their comfort. Just don't be rude be about it. Remind them that they are your children. If this doesn't work, ask what they are hiding. :) This always gets me inside the room, LOL. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lorrainejmc Posted September 30, 2011 Author Share Posted September 30, 2011 There's simply no way he's going in alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lorrainejmc Posted September 30, 2011 Author Share Posted September 30, 2011 If you have no choice you need to put on your best cheerful face. Can you stop in and talk with them alone between now and the appointment? It might work better than the phone. I've always been with the kids except at the oral surgeon. If you aren't going to be there find out exactly what they are going to do so you can go over it ahead of time. It seems crazy for parents not to go in. It says the treatment plan will be discussed afterwards but it is the fact that he is so young and his communication difficulties. The clinic is at the hospital. There is no way I can speak to them in person before the appointment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hwin Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 I would just go in anyway. Politely. I have declined to follow a lot of policies by simply saying "I understand. But that doesn't work for us. Sorry." FTR both the orthodontist I went to as a child, and the pediatric dentist my son goes to now have rooms with 4-5 chairs on them, where a bunch of parents are sitting with their kids, and children are all getting their teeth cleaned/examined at the same time. Probably a little dicey from a HIPAA standpoint, but it's about as transparent as you can get. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 Not common. Our orthodontist is extremely family friendly and wants the parent back with the child during the assessment. I would be skeptical unless they expect your son to pay for the treatment. I beg to differ. My perception is that not having parents present in dental and/or orthodontal appointments is not uncommon at all. I'm not offering an opinion on the policy itself, but simply stating my perception of its prevalence. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 My 11 yr old recently had an orthodontic consult and they invited all of us back - dh, younger dd and myself. We've only had one dental visit where they said I couldn't go back and we left. Our current dentist and orthodontist don't have a problem with parents, and even other siblings, going back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lorrainejmc Posted September 30, 2011 Author Share Posted September 30, 2011 Well, I'm glad so many say this is not the norm. I will be going in with him. No negotiation.:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LidiyaDawn Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 I beg to differ. My perception is that not having parents present in dental and/or orthodontal appointments is not uncommon at all. I'm not offering an opinion on the policy itself, but simply stating my perception of its prevalence. I'm gonna guess these sorts of things differ greatly from place to place. Your experience is that it IS common (the policy) - mine is that it's not. I've never been asked to "not come in" with my kids at any dental, medical, optometrist (ha - I wanted to say "optometrical" to go with the pattern) or any other similar appointment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaffodilDreams Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 It is very common here. I searched until I found one who would make exceptions (meaning he still prefers the parent stay in the waiting room but will make an exception for a fairly insistent parent) and allow me to be in the room. This trend seems to cross the different aspects of dentistry, and it makes me one very unhappy mama. I'm still hoping to one day find a holistic dentist within driving distance, but that's another story . . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
celticmom Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 My dd6's pediatric dentist would prefer that she go back alone but when they suggest it to her she wraps her arms around my leg or waist. Needless to say I go back with her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whereneverever Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 My 7 year old had an orthodontist consult and I went back with her younger sibs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nowimscrappin Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 I don't go back for any dental or orthodontic consults or appointments. They brief me at the end of what I need to know. And, its the NORM around here - I would say that its uncommon to see parents of 8 year olds back with the dentist or orthodontist. They need to be able to do what they need to do and think clearly and formulate their thoughts without mom hoving over them wondering what they are doing every second. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bootsie Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 I would not want my child's orthodontist or dentist to have a "no parents" policy. However, I find dental visits so unpleasant (I don't like the sound, smell, etc.) that I do not want to go back. I couldn't even look when my children wanted to show me their wiggly teeth! I would prefer not to experience that myself, but, more importantly, I try to keep from passing on my fear of the dentist to my children. I think I can do that better by not being nearby. I can see how dentists and orthodontists find that some children do better without some parents in the room; I would have no problem with a dentist suggesting that based on x, y, and z, it might be better for me not to go back--but not leaving the final decision up to the parent is always a red flag for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparrow Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 Our orthodontist has a stool set up in front of each of the 6 chairs for a parent to sit during the appointment. Many times there are older teens in there with mom or dad sitting at the front of the chair. Our orthodontist discusses progress and next steps with us at that time. My son has been seeing the orthodontist since before he was 8. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lorrainejmc Posted September 30, 2011 Author Share Posted September 30, 2011 (edited) I don't go back for any dental or orthodontic consults or appointments. They brief me at the end of what I need to know. And, its the NORM around here - I would say that its uncommon to see parents of 8 year olds back with the dentist or orthodontist. They need to be able to do what they need to do and think clearly and formulate their thoughts without mom hoving over them wondering what they are doing every second. I can understand this if it were a typical 8 yr old, but he isn't. He has a communication delay. He needs me there. Edited September 30, 2011 by lorrainejmc Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 I have run into this with a lot of dental professionals. I don't put up with it at all. I fired one pediodontist when ds was shaking and crying and asking for me and they refused to come get me. (Ds was 3 and fully compliant with all they asked him to do--he was just in pain and scared and wanted me with him.) Ds currently has an endodontist who has the no-parents policy. My ped dentist went to bat for me, telling him I'm not a freak and would respect his boundaries. He asked that we let him try examining ds without me if he leaves the door open. (His assistant is there with him also.) If ds needs me, I will be allowed in. Ds said that was fine with him, so that is what we do. Ds likes the endo and feels comfortable with him, and I am comfortable as long as the door is open. We both feel happy that if he needs me he can have me. On one occasion the assistant shut the door and I discovered it was locked. (The door separates the waiting room from the desk area and all the examining rooms. None of the examining rooms have doors on them.) The assistant was apologetic--they normally shut that door to protect the desk area and such and she had shut it out of habit. Ds and dd currently have an orthodontist who does not like parents to come into the examining area. In this case, I can see most of the area from one particular seat in the waiting room. Also, the ortho did agree that if either of my kids asks for me to be with them during an examination, he will allow me to be there. I promised I would be quiet and simply hold their hand. If your ortho can agree to terms like those I have described, you might be able to work with him. However, if his policy is strict and firm I would definitely get a different ortho. The policy is ridiculous for both child safety reasons and also because it is reasonable for a child in pain to desire the comfort of their mother's presence. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 I can understand this if it were a typical 8 yr old, but he isn't. He has a communication delay. He needs me there. Hold your ground. This is important. Having read this, I would say that none of the negotiations I have worked out (detailed in my other post) would be appropriate in this case. Hold your ground. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 I agree with the suggestion to stop by (preferably without ds) and tell them in person why it's important for you to stay with him. If you wait until that day and have to go back and forth with them, it might rattle your son. and if it's too far, leave a voice mail saying you have an issue you need to discuss before the appointment. I think it's a regional thing. My ortho is happy to have both me and my 2nd dd go in the back. One time, she decided to stay in the waiting room and read, and they noticed and made a point of asking if she wouldn't prefer to come to the back instead. So it definitely doesn't bother them, but I seen plenty of people on the boards say they aren't allowed to go back for dental or ortho visits. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parker Martin Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 What is the reasoning behind the no parents policies? My parents were allowed at my appointments when I was a child. I've always been allowed at my son's. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ipsey Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 This was the policy at my children's previous dentist (before we moved). Fine dentist, wonderful hygienists. I didn't have a problem with it. My children were fine. I thought of it as an important opportunity for them to be with other responsible adults and learn how to interact without me in a safe environment. Maybe if my children had been somehow frightened, I'd have felt differently. I felt it was a good thing, and my children seemed to find it just fine as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 What is the reasoning behind the no parents policies? My parents were allowed at my appointments when I was a child. I've always been allowed at my son's. I have been told, by more than one dental or medical professional, that the children act up more or are more disobedient because of an overly sympathetic mother. I was told that children behave better away from their parents. That may be true for some, but it is wrong for them to paint all parents with such a broad brush. Besides which, it's still rotten for child safety and/or the comfort of that vulnerable child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In The Great White North Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 I have been told, by more than one dental or medical professional, that the children act up more or are more disobedient because of an overly sympathetic mother. I was told that children behave better away from their parents. This translates to "they are scared into submission." Was it supposed to give you a warm fuzzy feeling about leaving dc? FTR, our dentist and ortho and doctor allow the parents back. They don't even try to discourage it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 Well, I'm glad so many say this is not the norm. I will be going in with him. No negotiation.:D Well, you might be. I said the same when they tried to pry my TWO year old son out of my hands at a Pediatric Dentist. I was successful that time and then invited to leave the practice. Thanks, I was on my way out anyway! No one rips my crying 2 year old from my arms. This kid needed me. I argued a bit about it with the front desk woman, who was completely dismissive, stating that we leave 2 year olds with others all the time, as in preschool. Nope, I don't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barbara H Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 Parents always go back with kids at the orthodontist we saw - there is a chair by every dental chair. I believe they want parents there so they will act as enforcers of stuff like cleaning and wearing retainers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 This translates to "they are scared into submission." . Exactly. These are exactly the types to avoid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parker Martin Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 Wow, some of you have some real peaches for dental professionals in your areas! I cannot imagine any medical professional telling me to stay outside. That would just be weird where I live. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phathui5 Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 We've had two children's dentists that didn't allow parents in and kept the one we found that does. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbeyej Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 Our pediatric dentist does not allow parents back as a policy. *But* in extenuating circumstances they will, and the office is designed in a rather open way, so while you don't see/hear everything that goes on in the back, it's not hidden away in some dungeon either. My observations (after going there for several years and watching my kids, etc) have been that most kids *do* experience less anxiety and fear without parents with them. That's most, not all, and it pertains to our office where the staff are all *very* well-trained to deal with kids. On the other hand, when one of my kids was very little and having a lot of work done, they gave me the option of twilight sedation (and I knew without a question that it was the right and necessary choice for her at that time) *and* they allowed me to stay with her. The *standard* policy was for parents to wait in the waiting area, but they *did* have her best interests at heart and were willing to make exceptions as necessary. I would STRONGLY urge you to go into this assuming that the orthodontist and office staff are on the same team -- that they want the same things you do (good dental outcome; contented, comfortable child). But also explain *why* you think it might be important for you to be with your son through all or some of the procedure. Say, "I know it's your policy for parents to wait outside, but because of my son's verbal delays, I have some concerns about that and would like to stay with him until I'm sure he is comfortable and understands what will be happening." Don't go in angry or indignant, assuming that they will contradict you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whereneverever Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 Exactly. These are exactly the types to avoid. :iagree: My pediatric dentist actually told me this- that if you are told you aren't ALLOWED back, don't trust them. It's different if you or your child makes that choice, but a blanket policy is a warning sign. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
********* Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 I've never understood the 'no parents allowed in back' policy at the dentist. I wouldn't DREAM of sending my, 5yo ds to his well visit with the pediatrician alone; why in the WORLD would I send him in with the dentist/hygenist alone!? Plus, Moose has SPD. Up until just the most recent visit, he cried the ENTIRE time during the dental cleaning. Not fussed, or squirmed, or fought, or anything; he sat nicely, followed directions ('Open wide', etc), but also cried the whole time. And that was with me sitting right next to him, holding his hand, soothing him, etc. There is NO WAY he would have let them even look without me there. There's been several threads about this in the past. I even told my pediatric dentist how much I appreciate her allowing parents in the back, because I've heard so many others do not. I wanted her to know how much I liked their policy, just in case they were thinking of ever changing it! :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lorrainejmc Posted September 30, 2011 Author Share Posted September 30, 2011 Hi, OP here. :001_smile: You know why I was so shocked at this? Because I had simply never heard of such policies before. I have 3 kids and they have all been at many, many different medical appointments over the years. Never has anyone, including several doctors at the same hospital as this orthodontist, had a no parent policy. Dh is home from work now and he is shocked as well and says no way is he going in alone. I will call them again on Monday. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 One of my sons had a full blown panic attack very suddenly in the dentist chair and they refused to let me help him and instead help him down forceably and pushed me back. It was horrible and I can't imagine it was worth it to clean his teeth considering the potential horrible association with dentists it may have created. Ugh. I had no trust of them after that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WeeBeaks Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 We go back. I probably won't go with my 9yo though if they wanted me in the room, but then he has been going to the same dentist for 5 years now and I know he is totally comfortable. On a first visit with a new provider, I would go back. But all 4 of mine have their exams at the same time. They take us to the room and just clean them all (minus the baby) one after the other in the same room, rotating them into the chair. Then the dentist comes in and checks them all one after the other, doing the baby with her in my lap. They do ortho in the same office, different doc. I see most parents wait in the waiting room for that, but some come back too with their kids. If we do ortho in the same office, I will probably let them back alone if they don't feel they need me. After however many years at the same practice by then, I feel comfortable with the docs, and more importantly so do my kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JennyD Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 (edited) I had no idea that many (most?) dentists didn't permit parents to come back until I read it here on this board, and I actually asked our previous (we have since moved) much-beloved pediatric dentist about this issue a few months ago. At his practice, parents were expected to come back with this kids -- just like at the pediatrician. Anyway, he said that there is a serious disagreement on this matter among pediatric dentists, that he himself thought that children were much more comfortable with their parents nearby, but that probably the majority of dentists disagreed. He said that I would likely have to search quite a bit in our new city to find one that allowed me back. :confused: I have not taken on this task yet, but I find the whole idea of my young kids negotiating with the dentist just absurd. I mean, this is their health we're talking about. OP, particularly given your son's communication problems, I would be very pleasant but absolutely immovable. And don't bother arguing with the nurse if she says no; insist (pleasantly, always pleasantly) on taking it up with the dentist. My mom and I have both done this for various medical exams and procedures in which family members were officially not permitted to accompany the patient but we felt it was necessary. I have almost always been able to get my way on this sort of thing. Edited September 30, 2011 by JennyD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie75 Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 As a parent, I've always been encouraged by our doctors and dentists to accompany my boys throughout the appointment, minus x-rays. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thea Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 Parents always go back with kids at the orthodontist we saw - there is a chair by every dental chair. I believe they want parents there so they will act as enforcers of stuff like cleaning and wearing retainers. This is how my dc's ortho's office is set up. I go back with my ds and will do so with my dd (going next week for banding). It sounds to me like the OP has need for an exception to made to this rule. I hope it works out for you and your ds. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhonda in TX Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 I was right there when the orthodontist did his consult a few years. For DD's orthodontic work, I stayed in the waiting room, but I was welcome to go back anytime I wanted. The whole room was open, with chairs lined up and a long bench along the wall. DS will get braces next year and I will probably go back with him because of his sensory issues. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristusG Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 I'm in the US, but I had to call around to find a pediatric dentist that would allow me back. I'm not sending my small children off with a stranger. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mum Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 I'm from UK. I've heard of this policy in US. I had never come across it in the UK. I wouldn't bother talking to the receptionist about it. I would show up for the appointment and just follow the child back. They will have a harder time refusing you when you are right there in the doorway, and other people in the waiting room. Do you have a GP there who will go to bat for you, on the basis of the communication disorder? I would be very polite with ortho, but very firm. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In The Great White North Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 Didn't you say this office was in a hospital? Check if the hospital has a policy about children's appointments. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ria Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 We see a family dentist, but when my kids were really little, two of them had serious dental issues (genetic...we brushed, but their teeth rotted..ugh). The pediatric dentist we contacted all had the "no adults in the room during the evauation" clause. The family dentists didn't. When one of our very young children (6) needed orthodontic care, I didn't even look at the pediatric specialists. Just couldn't go there. What the OP wrote doesn't surprise me at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lolly Posted October 1, 2011 Share Posted October 1, 2011 Definitely contact them about your extenuating circumstances. Otherwise, you will probably show up and leave without being seen. It is very normal policy here for dentists. I don't have a problem with it personally. Fortunately, my kids always went back together. My twins tended to cling to each other instead of me anyway. ;) When one of them kicked and bit (quite badly) the dentist, they started allowing me back with that one. Seems they found her to be the unusual child who behaved better with mama beside her. Plus, I am no pushover. (This particular dentist knew me outside of the office.:lol:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted October 1, 2011 Share Posted October 1, 2011 I'm from UK. I've heard of this policy in US. I had never come across it in the UK. I wouldn't bother talking to the receptionist about it. I would show up for the appointment and just follow the child back. They will have a harder time refusing you when you are right there in the doorway, and other people in the waiting room. Do you have a GP there who will go to bat for you, on the basis of the communication disorder? I would be very polite with ortho, but very firm. Good luck! I have actually had more than one medical professional stand in my way and say, "No, we do not allow parents back for this." Most times I have argued oh-so-sweetly-but-firmly and was able to assert myself into the situation. I lived to regret it the one time I did not (when a pediodontist refused to get me when ds was crying and in pain--it scared ds badly for years afterward). Just this past week an xray technician did this. Dd sprained her thumb. The tech came for her and as dd (14yo) got up I asked dd, "Dd do you want me to come along?" Dd smiled and said, "No that's alright." As she was saying this the tech said, "NO!!" loudly and with an outraged expression on her face. My jaw dropped and I gave her my mean-mommy stare. She then looked embarrassed for a moment and then turned away. I didn't push the point because dd had already told me her preference, and at 14yo I feel fine trusting her with that decision. Out in the hall the tech apparently launched into some justification for this with dd. My darling dd just said, "Huh. My mom has always come with for xrays and stuff." If dd had wanted me there, I would have raised Cain because the woman's attitude was unacceptable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Puma Mom Posted October 1, 2011 Share Posted October 1, 2011 I've never had a doctor, dentist or ortho. tell me I couldn't be with my dc during a consultation or exam. Both orthos we've been to have chairs for the parents in the exam rooms. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sputterduck Posted October 1, 2011 Share Posted October 1, 2011 I don't go back for any dental or orthodontic consults or appointments. They brief me at the end of what I need to know. And, its the NORM around here - I would say that its uncommon to see parents of 8 year olds back with the dentist or orthodontist. They need to be able to do what they need to do and think clearly and formulate their thoughts without mom hoving over them wondering what they are doing every second. I'm sure it's also difficult to think clearly and formulate their thoughts while a child is crying or even screaming and needing to be physically held down. I know plenty of younger kids who would act like that, and have, in the case of parents who agree to this. In fact, we went to a dentist once where they had a "no parents" policy where every other child there was screaming and being forcefully held down. I insisted, rather strongly, that I go with my son (who was only 1) and they eventually gave in. I was horrified at what I saw. The parents were CLUELESS out in the waiting room. From there you couldn't hear it at all. It wasn't that long ago that that story came out where a little girl came out of the dentist with a broken arm. For many kids, it's a lot calmer and easier to let the parents back. It must be some other reason that some of them dislike parents being around them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted October 1, 2011 Share Posted October 1, 2011 I had to call 10 pediatric dentist offices to find one that would allow me to go back with my son. He has SPD and Aspergers and oh yeah, is a kid! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spy Car Posted October 1, 2011 Share Posted October 1, 2011 We had an orthodontic assessment this week, we were welcomed into the room. I think an orthodontist in my area who tried to keep parents out of the exam rooms would be out of business soon. Bill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.