"What are we doing today?"-- a vent

[aelgraham]

Hi all,

 

Just wondering if your kids wake up asking you this question. My DS12 still asks this question almost every day, knowing full well that we are doing school, afternoon routines, and chores. There may be an errand, a field trip, a fun event thrown in here and there, but life is life-- simple.

 

I think that there is still some remnant of expectation from the early years of HS'ing, when we used to have more fun. Even though both my kids play independently and know that I'm not here to entertain them, for my oldest, he still has that expectation-- like I'm supposed to be coming up with all this stuff for us to do. I'm exhausted from it, and am banning him from even asking the question! Sometimes I think that as a HS mom there is just this constant downside of them looking to you for everything.

 

Am I the only one here??

 

Amy

[Rhonda in TX]

My DS asks "Are we doing school today?" almost every single day.

 

Good grief.

[curlylocks]

Yes...or some variation of the above two.

 

UGH

[Matryoshka]

My 13 yo dd does this. Every. Day. Often more than once a day! She has a calendar she keeps, and a weekly printed checklist of school stuff. We have a very regular schedule and she has the same activities the same days every week.

 

This drives me insane.

 

Thank heavens my other two don't seem to feel the need to do this...

[kewb]

My 13 year old asks me this every day. I am going with "It is age and developmentally appropriate."

[aelgraham]

Oh, I am so relieved already, not to be the only one.

 

For some reason, when he asked this morning, I just thought my head was going to explode. Maybe because we just got back from a trip to Williamsburg. I thought that was maybe enough for a while.

 

Amy

[Lily_Grace]

Everything we do for the week is written down in our planner, from experiments to daily work to extracurriculars/field trips. Every morning we go over what is going on that day. It REALLY cuts down on the constant questioning!

[redsquirrel]

I always answer "what do you think?" Or 'well, ask yourself what day it is and then you tell me."

 

It worked with the constant questioning by a 4 year as well. I just toss the question back.

[Lori D.]

First, some people have the inborn nature that it is very important to know in advance what is happening and when. This helps them cope. These people do not like the unexpected or spontaneity. We help these children with patience and training them -- by giving them schedules, and going over in advance techniques for how to handle the unexpected. (This is my older DS; it was not trying to drive me crazy, it was his need for security and feeling like he had a measure of control by "knowing".) Remember that ages 11-13 is when children are changing greatly, physically and emotionally, and they have an EXTRA need for security at this time.

 

 

Two thoughts:

 

1. Put out a weekly schedule with checkboxes so they can see *exactly* what is happening each week and when -- AND check it off themselves as they do it, which also encourages independence and personal responsibility. And when they inevitably ask "what are we doing", the first few times say, "Let's check your schedule!" After a few weeks of that you can just point them to the schedule.

 

2. DO still try to include something *interesting* -- an educational supplement -- on the schedule once a week. Really, don't we as adults get tired of the same old grind at a 40-hour a week job, and enjoy something that is novel or interesting to lighten the grind? Same with students, especially middle schoolers -- a lot of their work is heavier and moving towards high school thinking and work load, but they still have an interest in the creative, hands-on, visual, active elementary-aged learning and materials, too!

 

Below is a list of things to help you brainstorm to help keep your schooling on track, but with a "pinch of spice" to keep it interesting and engaging. Obviously, DON'T schedule all of these EVERY week -- just pick one a week and insert it somewhere in the schedule at different times on different days for them to find in their schedule. Be willing to sometimes drop a single subject or a whole afternoon or morning of school in order to substitute these supplements -- a fresh brain and outlook can make the rest of the week go so much smoother!

 

BEST of luck! Warmest regards, Lori D.

 

 

 

- In middle school and high we did an interesting and educational "older student field trip" about once every 6-8 weeks; many were free or low-cost:

- set up a tour of a dept. at your local university

- group tour of a botanical garden, garden extension group, or state/national park

- attend a historical recreation event or Renaissance Festival

- attend a student matinee performance of a play (universities and community colleges or local theater groups all have schedules and websites for setting this up in advance)

- invite in a guest speaker (historical recreationist; musician; lapidairy club member; person from a foreign country; etc.) to speak/demonstrate for 30 minutes on their subject of expertise

 

- Put an interesting visual supplement on the schedule: a documentary or feature film that fits in with your History. Watch an episode of NOVA, Mythbusters or other science program that fits in with your Science. Watch a PBS art show episode hosted by Sister Wendy.

 

- Schedule educational computer game time.

 

- Once a semester or once a year set aside much of your regular school work for a few days or a week, and focus on an interesting big project for science, history, art.

 

- Attend a special homeschool group event, sporting event, etc.

 

- Once a month, get out as a family and do community service somewhere for a morning or an afternoon. (With our homeschool group we have done things such as: food drive/can collection; made a meal for the local Ronald McDonald House (families at a Ronald McDonald House near the hospital where their seriously ill child is undergoing treatment); wrapped Christmas gifts for a local charity; yard work/clean up of a church or other facility; etc.)

 

- Schedule "tea time" or "hot chocolate" or other fun snack time for 30 minutes in lieu of one school subject and meet one on one with each student for a special snack and time to talk -- about life; what their interests are; how they are connecting with specific curriculum; what goals they might have, or projects they would like to incorporate, either as part of school, or just to have time in their lives to pursue as a personal interest; etc. (This is all POSITIVE -- this is NOT a time to nag, lecture, tell them where they need to improve, etc. -- it's about connecting with the student as an individual person.)

 

- Schedule a favorite game that requires logic, thinking or strategy and insert it into the schedule for Logic.

 

- Schedule an art kit or supplies that require the skill/dexterity of a pre-teen to create gifts for Grandma or other relatives.

 

- Instead of a typical Language Arts assignment, schedule time and supplies for creating a poster, a flyer, or a short video for the assignment.

Edited September 22, 2011 by Lori D.

[abbeyej]

Roflol, mine do this too.

"What are we doing today?"

"School."

"And what else?"

"School and ballet."

"And what else?"

"SCHOOL AND BALLET AND DINNER!"

[ButterfliesandBooks]

Yes!!!! My 2 oldest do this, and now the 3 year old has started copying them :glare: ...

[Trez]

It happens here as well. I will often get suggestions which involve gym or computer time. :001_smile:

[Ksol]

My 12 year old asks me this every single day. It drives me nuts too.

[Ellyndria]

I found a small whiteboard at Staples this year (for $1) that has the days of the week on it, and I just write the extra stuff (not school) we are doing each day that we have something scheduled. It has stopped the questions.

[Just Robyn]

From me they get, "The same thing we do everyday - try to take over the world."

 

They don't get it.

[Hedgehogs4]

:tongue_smilie: my son does the same thing.

[Denise in IN]

Ditto here. And adding to that, my ds10 & ds7 ask every. single. day, "what are we having for supper?" Not just once, but at least two or three times each. I don't really understand why my ten year old doesn't like it when I answer "FOOD"! :lol:

[mothergooseof4]

Mine do not ask this.....

 

 

 

 

 

Instead, I hear every night, "What are we doing tomorrow?"

 

And, I get the dinner question from my 12yo EVERYDAY! He should know by now that I do not know until I walk in the kitchen and start cooking!!!

[Karen in CO]

From me they get, "The same thing we do everyday - try to take over the world."

 

They don't get it.

You've obviously neglected their education - time for some Pinky and the Brain. :D

 

My kids actually tend to remind me what we're doing. They know if they don't remind me its time for an activity that I just might get busy and forget. I write down everything on a family calendar, but it is in their best interest to remember their own activities.

[NavyWifeandMommy]

I get that but with my younger ones. "I'm bored. or "What can I do?"

I have tons of educational stuff they are to mess with while teaching the oldest but they think their friends are having fun over at the school and they think they should have fun all day too. If they cannot play DS, Wii or watch a movie while playing with their non school toys they seem lost. We been at this routine for about a month now with everything pretty much the same each day nothing new anytime soon.

 

Thankfully my oldest has quite bit more work than they do she don't have time to complain.

[1Togo]

Lori,

 

What a lovely, lovely post! I am seldom inspired to print a post, but this is one to print. The need to know 'the plan' even happens with high school students who have planners and calendars and know the schedule. It's a way of connecting for those children. I need to remind myself and then schedule the "pinch of spice."

[Coffeemama]

Thank you for the great ideas to plug into our schedule, Lori!

 

This will certainly help to keep things fresh and interesting. Though we do fun, different things every week or so, I never write them in. Your suggestion will definitely help with the "boredom" of seeing the same schedule. :001_smile:

[NanceXToo]

My daughter (a few days away from her 11th birthday) asks me almost every morning, "Are we doing anything today?"

 

By that I assume she means, "Are we going on any fun field trips, outings or activities today, or is it just school today?"

 

In her defense, we do a fair amount of fun field trips, outings and activities, so it's not an unreasonable question. :D

[katilac]

"Are we doing anything today?" is a daily question at my house. Our schedule is pretty routine, and most stuff is discussed and put on the calendar, but remember that most kids have a poorly developed sense of time. They "know" today, tomorrow, next week, and so on, but they haven't developed that internal sense of it.

 

I usually just answer, even tho' the answer is 'school, chores, etc' 99% of the time. I actually find that it sometimes reminds me of stuff that slipped my mind, and they really like to mentally prep themselves for the day. Also, the 11-yr-old thinks it is CRUCIAL to match her outfit to the day's events. Heaven forbid we leave the house when she is not wearing something cute! :D

[swellmomma]

From me they get, "The same thing we do everyday - try to take over the world."

 

They don't get it.

 

 

:lol: Now of course the theme song is playing in my head.

 

Way to go :glare:

 

 

:D

[jhschool]

Both my child and my husband ask me this!!!

 

Every day!!!:tongue_smilie:

[Amy in CO]

I missed this the first time through so I was grateful for the bump.

 

Both my boys have struggles with this and they "need" to know what is going to happen, and when something is canceled, they struggle to accept that. So I get asked as they go to bed, "what's happening tomorrow", and then in the morning I am asked again, just to confirm that nothing has changed. And then I am sometimes asked at lunch, in case things have changed at that point. I just do my best to reassure them and confirm the planned activities for the day.

 

Lori D. what a perfect post. Thank you for the reminder that we do need fun things thrown in too. Not necessarily daily, but weekly, something to look forward too.

[Jan in SC]

My oldest son asks me every.single.day! He is 11 and still asks. He will stand in front of the color-coded, updated calendar, with his mouth hanging open, and ask me that question.

 

I think he actually thinks that one day I will turn to him and say, "Darling son, please go play video games until lunch, when I will be taking you, without your brothers, for an all you can eat shrimp buffet, followed by go-carts and that really violent movie you keep asking to see!"

[abbeyej]

My oldest son asks me every.single.day! He is 11 and still asks. He will stand in front of the color-coded, updated calendar, with his mouth hanging open, and ask me that question.

 

I think he actually thinks that one day I will turn to him and say, "Darling son, please go play video games until lunch, when I will be taking you, without your brothers, for an all you can eat shrimp buffet, followed by go-carts and that really violent movie you keep asking to see!"

 

Yeah, lol, I think that's essentially it. It's not that my kids don't *know* what we're doing that day -- of course they know! -- but they're hoping the answer will somehow change. Maybe there's some delightful treat they've forgotten about? Maybe there's something wonderful that I've added to our day's plans without telling them? Perhaps a movie that was scheduled to open next year has suddenly been moved up by six months and we'll be going to see it at the movie theater where they serve real food? Or maybe we're all going to Six Flags? Perhaps we're at least going to drop history for the day and go out for ice cream with friends?

 

What? No? Just school, ballet, and dinner-made-from-scratch-at-home?!? How could I be so cruel?!?!?

[Hedgehog]

My oldest son asks me every.single.day! He is 11 and still asks. He will stand in front of the color-coded, updated calendar, with his mouth hanging open, and ask me that question.

 

I think he actually thinks that one day I will turn to him and say, "Darling son, please go play video games until lunch, when I will be taking you, without your brothers, for an all you can eat shrimp buffet, followed by go-carts and that really violent movie you keep asking to see!"

 

:lol: that really made me laugh out loud!!

 

Let's translate that for girls.. I think she actually thinks that one day the answer will be, "oh my beloved Rabbit, by all means sit down and watch Disney movies all morning until the Domino's pizza delivery arrives at 12:30pm precisely, with your favourite Ben and Jerry's ice cream for dessert, followed by an afternoon of playing computer games and reading whatever book you choose (an easy one for sure). All in the absence of any irritations from Pooh, Tigger or Roo; they will of course be either out, or perfectly behaved."

 

Yeah, right.

 

(You know what's a bit scary? That actually appeals to me too! :lol: )

[DianeJM]

When the first thing ds13 utters (groans) upon awaking in the morning is, "Ooooh, noooo, I'm not ready for schoooooooool todaaaaaaay, the weekend was toooo shooooort, I need another day ooooff, oh nooo..." :ack2:, then I know it's time to pray for strength. And I do add in fun stuff and activity b/c he needs it :banghead:.

Oh, help, and, bother!

[Canadianmumof5]

DH says there are 3 things that are, without fail, asked in our house every.single.morning by Mr. R;

Do we have school today?

What is the weather supposed to be like?

Is the dishwasher clean or dirty?

 

Drives me crazy.

[Haiku]

My DS asks "Are we doing school today?" almost every single day.

 

 

So does my son. It's infuriating.

 

The worst, though, is when the kids tell me, "You haven't done anything with us today!" Um, I was with you the WHOLE DARN DAY! I don't remember my mother playing with me anywhere near as much as my kids expect me to play with them.

 

Tara

[JadeOrchidSong]

What's for breakfast?

What's for lunch?

What's for dinner?

What's for breakfast tomorrow?

....

...

...

What's for lunch on Sunday?

 

 

----from ds6.8 EVERY DAY!

[3byzaz]

I can't tell you how relieved I am to read this - I really thought it was just my very otherwise intelligent children that could not remember from day to day what they were supposed to be doing. Doing without complaining, sighing and otherwise acting like I am torturing them and interrupting all the really important stuff they could and should be doing!!!! Hmmm...can you tell it was a bit of a rough day!!!??:tongue_smilie:

[Melissa in NC]

From me they get, "The same thing we do everyday - try to take over the world."

 

They don't get it.

 

Unfortunately, I got the DVDs and my kids get it. We also have a lot of other bad jokes. :lol:

[Melissa in NC]

First, some people have the inborn nature that it is very important to know in advance what is happening and when. .........

 

 

I agree with everything in this post. I have one of these kids.

[chepyl]

"Are we donig school today?"

"Yes."

"If I do extra work today, can I have tomortow off?"

 

Every week!

[DB in NJ]

My 12 yo ds does the same thing. I know from experience he'll grow out of it. My 20 year old doesn't ask me anymore; my dd never did ;)

[cloversandlions]

I dunno, people. At least your kids ask.

 

I think perhaps it's that we're coming from an unschooling jaunt, but I doubt it. My kids just seem to assume that life is supposed to be a perpetual weekend.

 

I'd be thrilled if they asked what we're doing. I'd be thrilled if they (esp. ds) were motivated to do their work. If I turn my back, my youngest is out rescuing bugs and building houses for them, the middle is doing some crazy-fancy moves with the hula hoop, and ds is reading...but not anything school-related. (In his defense [sort of], he loves history and science, and as long as it's not "assigned", he will happily seek out the information himself. Once it becomes work, he checks out.)

[freerange]

"Are we donig school today?"

"Yes."

"If I do extra work today, can I have tomortow off?"

 

Every week!

 

And you say...?

 

We sometimes work ahead for a day/half day off. Dh works flexi, so it seems reasonable to occasionally let the kids do it too.