Be aware...child predators might just be your friend....

[Karie]

I live in a suburb and our town has about 50,000 people. We are a middle to upper class town. We have a lot of home school families here and it is a good community. I found out the other day that a man that I know and have worked with in our homeschool group was arrested on producing child porn and distributing over state lines.

 

I know this man well. I did recreation games with him at a monthly home school event, we did Lego club and robotics with our kids together. His wife works long hours, so he was a stay at home dad and home schooled his 6 kids. He is a super nice guy, made friends with many of the home school moms in the area and put together a lot of activities. He never creeped me out and was wholeheartedly accepted into our town's home school group. Many of us called him a friend-including me. My children were never alone with him, but I'm so shaken by this. Just goes to show you that you never know what goes on inside a person's home. I believe that the victims were his own children. Thankfully, when this story was reported in our local paper, the fact that he was a home schooling dad didn't make the paper-I'm sure that many people would have had a field day with that.

 

So, all this to say that we can NEVER be too diligent in keeping our children safe. BIG eye opener for me!

[Janie Grace]

So sad to hear... those poor kids. :(

[Alicia64]

So glad he was caught.

[tmulcahy]

So awful for the children. Poor family...so broken and messy now.

[Joanne]

That is unsettling, and the feelings will be with you for a while. I am sorry your life has been touched by such depravity.

 

I do not want to hurt you when you are down, or to patronize you. But I do think it's vital that people know that what you describe is a *common* profile of an intelligent pedophile. They aren't usually on Post Office wanted boards, but are more likely to be on the School Board.

 

You might want to consider, sometime after some processing of this, reading "Protecting the Gift" by Gavin de Becker. He delineates the behavior and thinking of predators in such a way as to educate parents about how to identify risky people and situations.

[Karie]

Thanks Joanne, I don't feel patronized. I know that many of my home school friends are in shock over this.

[laundrycrisis]

So awful for the children. Poor family...so broken and messy now.

 

It was already broken. At least now it's in the open so the kids can be helped and protected.

 

I'm so glad he was caught.

[Harriet Vane]

:grouphug:

[happyhomemaker25]

I have spent so much time trying to drill this into my mom's head. She could never understand why we don't allow our kids into the neighbors' houses. They just want to go play with the other kids. :glare: I keep telling my mom don't ever trust anyone alone or out of your sight with my kids.

I am so sorry you are having to process this. I am so thankful your kids were never alone with him. What a traumatic experience. My thoughts and prayers are with your whole group right now.

[FO4UR]

:grouphug: That is just sickening!!! I hope those kids (and their mom) have a healthy support system to help them through this.

 

 

You might want to consider, sometime after some processing of this, reading "Protecting the Gift" by Gavin de Becker. He delineates the behavior and thinking of predators in such a way as to educate parents about how to identify risky people and situations.

 

:iagree:

 

This book was disturbing to read, but there have been a handful of times where it has been highly useful. Priceless.

[NanceXToo]

Ugh, I'm glad your kids were never alone with him and glad he was caught!

[TammyinTN]

This makes my stomach churn....I'm so sorry this happened, but happy that he was caught.

[Cricket]

It is very unnerving! A couple of years ago a friend from the state where we used to live told us that a former acquaintance was arrested for molesting his step-children and producing child porn--with their mother's permission. She is in prison too for a long time. It's enough to make you lose your supper! During his first marriage, we had been to his house numerous times for New Year's Eve parties, etc. He never paid close attention to our kids or acted in any way that made us suspicious. I know he got caught up in pornography and it spiraled downhill very quickly. He started seeking out more and more hardcore porn. Ugh, even writing this gives me a stomachache and it is several years afterwards. No, you just never know who is doing this stuff.

[AuntPol]

We recently had a friend go to jail for having a relationships with a teen boy. She was a mom that volunteered at the school and had been a girl scout leader at my church. Her daughter and mine were best friends in K-1 and my daughter had slept at her house.

 

IN her case, her behavior had led me to distance myself. Once her oldest hit middle school, she used him as a baby sitter. She stopped volunteering, lost a ton of weight and was always at this bar or that bar and hanging out with a younger crowd. She started dressing to look young- funky hair colors and other crazy things. It was hard to watch her spiral like that.

[dangermom]

... it's vital that people know that what you describe is a *common* profile of an intelligent pedophile. They aren't usually on Post Office wanted boards, but are more likely to be on the School Board.

 

 

Yes, most intelligent pedophiles are charming and popular. I had a teacher in 9th grade who was popular with everyone and well-known for his work with kids. He was handsome, charming, funny, and had a great family. Then he went to jail for 15 years. I don't think anyone had a clue.

[annandatje]

That is unsettling, and the feelings will be with you for a while. I am sorry your life has been touched by such depravity.

 

I do not want to hurt you when you are down, or to patronize you. But I do think it's vital that people know that what you describe is a *common* profile of an intelligent pedophile. They aren't usually on Post Office wanted boards, but are more likely to be on the School Board.

 

You might want to consider, sometime after some processing of this, reading "Protecting the Gift" by Gavin de Becker. He delineates the behavior and thinking of predators in such a way as to educate parents about how to identify risky people and situations.

 

:iagree::iagree:

[Denisemomof4]

we had a friend that we basically adopted into our family. He became an uncle figure to my kids. He even spent holidays with us!

 

He was a pedophile, and THANKFULLY I was too over protective to allow him any time alone with my kids. Another family in our church, at the time, wasn't so vigilant and their son's life has forever changed because of it. They didn't press charges, either, because they didn't want to put their kid on the witness stand. I can understand that, but I'm disgusted that he got to walk free. He's registered, but he should have done time behind bars.

 

This man ran the men's bible study at our church. Our entire church was STUNNED. I always felt guilty for having my radar up with this creep, but thankfully I listened to my Mommy Gut. My kids are safe because of it.

[Daisy]

That is unsettling, and the feelings will be with you for a while. I am sorry your life has been touched by such depravity.

 

I do not want to hurt you when you are down, or to patronize you. But I do think it's vital that people know that what you describe is a *common* profile of an intelligent pedophile. They aren't usually on Post Office wanted boards, but are more likely to be on the School Board.

 

You might want to consider, sometime after some processing of this, reading "Protecting the Gift" by Gavin de Becker. He delineates the behavior and thinking of predators in such a way as to educate parents about how to identify risky people and situations.

 

:iagree: To put it bluntly, the child predator is MOST LIKELY your friend, your neighbor, that nice guy at church, etc.

[shinyhappypeople]

I think more than immediately slapping a "Potential Predator" label on every nice guy we meet, it's MORE important to teach our kids what behavior is appropriate and what ISN'T, how to protect themselves, how and why to tell, that they should trust their instincts and feelings.

 

There's no checklist for what a sexual predator looks like. He (or SHE) could be anyone. It's better to stay calm, exercise common sense (without crossing the line into paranoia), and empower our kids.

 

FWIW, I was molested as a child by a family member. I'm not naive about this issue.

[nowimscrappin]

I think more than immediately slapping a "Potential Predator" label on every nice guy we meet, it's MORE important to teach our kids what behavior is appropriate and what ISN'T, how to protect themselves, how and why to tell, that they should trust their instincts and feelings.

 

There's no checklist for what a sexual predator looks like. He (or SHE) could be anyone. It's better to stay calm, exercise common sense (without crossing the line into paranoia), and empower our kids.

 

FWIW, I was molested as a child by a family member. I'm not naive about this issue.

 

I agree. Just preventing our kids from going anywhere without us isn't going to teach them how to protect themselves in the world. You need to have your Mommy radar up but also teach your children and allow them to use these skills in safe environments. As another friend of mine would say, you need to give them roots AND wings.

[Joanne]

I agree. Just preventing our kids from going anywhere without us isn't going to teach them how to protect themselves in the world. You need to have your Mommy radar up but also teach your children and allow them to use these skills in safe environments. As another friend of mine would say, you need to give them roots AND wings.

 

Which is *exactly* what the book recommended assists both parent and child in doing.

 

I am not a supporter of age-inappropriate sheltering. I am an advocate for fully informed, coached, increasing autonomy that corresponds with the child's ability and is informed by real risks and statistics.

[AuntPol]

I think more than immediately slapping a "Potential Predator" label on every nice guy we meet, it's MORE important to teach our kids what behavior is appropriate and what ISN'T, how to protect themselves, how and why to tell, that they should trust their instincts and feelings.

 

There's no checklist for what a sexual predator looks like. He (or SHE) could be anyone. It's better to stay calm, exercise common sense (without crossing the line into paranoia), and empower our kids.

 

FWIW, I was molested as a child by a family member. I'm not naive about this issue.

 

:iagree:

 

I always feel like people look at my husband and me as predators because we volunteer a lot. We only volunteer to give our children opportunities. My husband went into coaching kicking and screaming but found out he loves it. He kicks harder about doing the Boy Scouts (more politics/meetings involved). I personally would drop all youth related volunteering but a) Volunteers are very hard to find -parents tend to want to take more than give around here. b) If I am the adult in charge, I don't have to worry as quite as much.

[Trish]

This is one of the reasons we've declared we're Done With Sleepovers. Why take a chance.

[MamaBearTeacher]

For those of you who distanced yourself from someone who turned out to be a predator what were the subtle things that made you feel your children might not be safe around this person?

[Joanne]

For those of you who distanced yourself from someone who turned out to be a predator what were the subtle things that made you feel your children might not be safe around this person?

 

1. An accelerated "intimacy". Jokes and teasing too soon.
   
2. Bypassing of appropriate parental "filter." The person moved too quickly into direct relationship with the child.
   
3. Looking for verbal affirmations of trust/closeness with family.
   
4. Too many details to legitamize stories and choices.
   
5. Too many opportunities "found" to interact with the child physically. By this I mean *seemingly* appropriate touch, but the frequency was contrived.
   

 

Edited to add: To be honest, the above list is compiled based on *my* predator, and clues that informed parents would have seen.

[happyhomemaker25]

I'm all for making sure our kids are informed and I do. I also know that I'm not willing to give anyone the opportunity to be alone with my kids. One time is all it takes. My kids could have buckets of knowledge, but if it's just them and an adult in the room... well, their knowledge of inappropriate touching and letting mom and dad know will be great, but it will be after the fact. I'm just not willing to take that chance.

[i.love.lucy]

Which is *exactly* what the book recommended assists both parent and child in doing.

 

I am not a supporter of age-inappropriate sheltering. I am an advocate for fully informed, coached, increasing autonomy that corresponds with the child's ability and is informed by real risks and statistics.

:iagree: "Protecting the Gift" changed my life and my parenting. I think it should be a required read somehow. I think parents should read it over and over again as their children go through many stages of growth. I fully credit this board with telling me about it!:grouphug:

 

And :iagree: on the age-inappropriate sheltering. I know some folks in my homeschool circles that should understand the potential dangers of this just as much as understand the fears of not sheltering enough. Roots and wings is a great way to think of it.

[ThatCyndiGirl]

1. An accelerated "intimacy". Jokes and teasing too soon.
   
2. Bypassing of appropriate parental "filter." The person moved too quickly into direct relationship with the child.
   
3. Looking for verbal affirmations of trust/closeness with family.
   
4. Too many details to legitamize stories and choices.
   
5. Too many opportunities "found" to interact with the child physically. By this I mean *seemingly* appropriate touch, but the frequency was contrived.
   

 

Edited to add: To be honest, the above list is compiled based on

 

*my* predator, and clues that informed parents would have seen.

 

 

I would just add one more, sorta 5.5 Seems to show up in places that your child/family are seemingly as "just a coincidence". "Oh, I had no idea that you were going to be at this movie theatre" then child later remembers telling predator that in casual conversation. Increasing the small moments here and there in which you see this person CAN increase the feelings of safety/security in the minds of family members, wearing down their instinct.

[jedbel]

:iagree: wholeheartedly with this.

 

I feel so sorry for the children that were victimized....

We must keep them in our prayers.

[G5052]

There is a case that I'm aware of that involved a homeschool MOM, which truly blew my mind. None of her friends had a clue until she was hauled off to jail. It didn't involve kids outside the family, but still.

 

Age appropriately, prepare your children!

[Liz CA]

Karie, it's only normal to be shocked and having to process this slowly.

Unfortunately, these scenarios are all too common.

[Sputterduck]

Frightening and horrible. I hope those kids and that mom can recover.

[Cheryl in NM]

I live in a suburb and our town has about 50,000 people. We are a middle to upper class town. We have a lot of home school families here and it is a good community. I found out the other day that a man that I know and have worked with in our homeschool group was arrested on producing child porn and distributing over state lines.

 

I know this man well. I did recreation games with him at a monthly home school event, we did Lego club and robotics with our kids together. His wife works long hours, so he was a stay at home dad and home schooled his 6 kids. He is a super nice guy, made friends with many of the home school moms in the area and put together a lot of activities. He never creeped me out and was wholeheartedly accepted into our town's home school group. Many of us called him a friend-including me. My children were never alone with him, but I'm so shaken by this. Just goes to show you that you never know what goes on inside a person's home. I believe that the victims were his own children. Thankfully, when this story was reported in our local paper, the fact that he was a home schooling dad didn't make the paper-I'm sure that many people would have had a field day with that.

 

So, all this to say that we can NEVER be too diligent in keeping our children safe. BIG eye opener for me!

 

Has he actually been convicted? I'm not saying he's innocent, just that you never really know the story. Maybe he thought he had adult porn (still unacceptable IMO), but the actors were actually underage. Then maybe he had video editing software on that computer. Maybe he altered some of that porn or copied it. All of the above would fit under the charges he was arrested for.

 

I'm just saying that you don't know the whole story. I wouldn't be so quick to crucify someone I considered a friend. I've known innocent people accused of things and if you didn't know the whole story and just counted on media reports you would have thought they were guilty. I also understand that pedophiles get away all the time and are very good and blending in.

[YLVD]

I live in a suburb and our town has about 50,000 people. We are a middle to upper class town. We have a lot of home school families here and it is a good community. I found out the other day that a man that I know and have worked with in our homeschool group was arrested on producing child porn and distributing over state lines.

 

I know this man well. I did recreation games with him at a monthly home school event, we did Lego club and robotics with our kids together. His wife works long hours, so he was a stay at home dad and home schooled his 6 kids. He is a super nice guy, made friends with many of the home school moms in the area and put together a lot of activities. He never creeped me out and was wholeheartedly accepted into our town's home school group. Many of us called him a friend-including me. My children were never alone with him, but I'm so shaken by this. Just goes to show you that you never know what goes on inside a person's home. I believe that the victims were his own children. Thankfully, when this story was reported in our local paper, the fact that he was a home schooling dad didn't make the paper-I'm sure that many people would have had a field day with that.

 

So, all this to say that we can NEVER be too diligent in keeping our children safe. BIG eye opener for me!

 

That is so sad.

 

The truth is, children are far more likely to be molested by family members and family friends than anyone else.

[butterflymommy]

Thankfully I have never had something like this happen to me... but my sister had frequent playdates for her daughter with a girl whose dad is now in jail on trial for a double homicide that took place many years ago. The man was a stay at home dad so it was just him, the girls, my sister in the house. :sad: He had changed his name/ identity since the murder and no one suspected anything.

[Lacie]

So, all this to say that we can NEVER be too diligent in keeping our children safe. BIG eye opener for me!

 

It is sad to say, but you really have to check up on everyone your kids are going to be around.

 

I'm so glad that your kids are safe. :grouphug:

Edited September 4, 2011 by Lacie
I decided it was too personal to share.

[Denisemomof4]

I think more than immediately slapping a "Potential Predator" label on every nice guy we meet, it's MORE important to teach our kids what behavior is appropriate and what ISN'T, how to protect themselves, how and why to tell, that they should trust their instincts and feelings.

 

There's no checklist for what a sexual predator looks like. He (or SHE) could be anyone. It's better to stay calm, exercise common sense (without crossing the line into paranoia), and empower our kids.

 

FWIW, I was molested as a child by a family member. I'm not naive about this issue.

 

I'm so sorry you were harmed as a child. VERY sorry!!! Still, I have to respectfully disagree that there aren't typical behaviors pedophiles possess. Have you seen this:

 

http://crime.about.com/od/sex/p/pedophile.htm

 

The pedophile we befriended had ALL these traits but he didn't work with children. He DID, however, seek out families that were busy and distracted (we almost lost my two parents and dh's mom in a period of 3 months, nursed them all to their deaths [mil is still alive but we had to do a TON of work on her house] and also helped a friend with the death of her husband - DISTRACTED? yes!!!) I can tell you FOR SURE that this was NOT his first victim, although he'd never admit to it!!!

[Denisemomof4]

I agree. Just preventing our kids from going anywhere without us isn't going to teach them how to protect themselves in the world. You need to have your Mommy radar up but also teach your children and allow them to use these skills in safe environments. As another friend of mine would say, you need to give them roots AND wings.

 

:iagree:with this. I admit that I had HUGE problems with being over protective with my boys. It did them, and our relationship, more harm than good. Thankfully they got to experience my changing, and dd11 has more freedom. Still, I have very clear rules and boundaries. We talk about EVERYTHING, I help to prepare her for certain scenarios. I feel she's got a very healthy, balanced life.

 

Dd8 doesn't apply here due to her special needs. She is with me 24/7 and that very likely won't change before she's an adult.

[Denisemomof4]

:iagree:

 

I always feel like people look at my husband and me as predators because we volunteer a lot. We only volunteer to give our children opportunities. My husband went into coaching kicking and screaming but found out he loves it. He kicks harder about doing the Boy Scouts (more politics/meetings involved). I personally would drop all youth related volunteering but a) Volunteers are very hard to find -parents tend to want to take more than give around here. b) If I am the adult in charge, I don't have to worry as quite as much.

 

I volunteered with kids and youth ALL THE TIME. It was a perfect fit. For what ever reason, they love me! I feel blessed! But I never questioned what others felt. I also learned, early on, not to ever be alone with kids, and to never put myself into circumstances which one could question. Church training taught me this. More often than not I was with a group of kids, and that was perfectly fine.

 

I agree that there aren't enough volunteers, but I think to have a heart for kids and youth is a special gift that not all people possess. I'd rather NO help than begrudging help, or help that doesn't connect with anyone - especially youth IYKWIM.

[Denisemomof4]

For those of you who distanced yourself from someone who turned out to be a predator what were the subtle things that made you feel your children might not be safe around this person?

 

it was PURE instinct for me. MOMMY GUT. I had NO idea what the traits of a pedophile were. Once I learned that he molested another child, and then read the profile of a pedophile, I was so thankful that I never gave into the guilt I felt over this "wonderful" man that entered our lives.:glare:

[Denisemomof4]

I'm all for making sure our kids are informed and I do. I also know that I'm not willing to give anyone the opportunity to be alone with my kids. One time is all it takes. My kids could have buckets of knowledge, but if it's just them and an adult in the room... well, their knowledge of inappropriate touching and letting mom and dad know will be great, but it will be after the fact. I'm just not willing to take that chance.

 

pedophiles butter up these kids GOOD. They may not touch inappropriately at first, but they sure do know how to make the child feel "special." They play their potential victims well.

[Sahamamama]

That is unsettling, and the feelings will be with you for a while. I am sorry your life has been touched by such depravity.

 

I do not want to hurt you when you are down, or to patronize you. But I do think it's vital that people know that what you describe is a *common* profile of an intelligent pedophile. They aren't usually on Post Office wanted boards, but are more likely to be on the School Board.

 

You might want to consider, sometime after some processing of this, reading "Protecting the Gift" by Gavin de Becker. He delineates the behavior and thinking of predators in such a way as to educate parents about how to identify risky people and situations.

 

I agree with Joanne, this is the profile. Also, Gavin de Becker's books are well worth reading and implementing. Thanks for posting this, Joanne.

[Sahamamama]

I think more than immediately slapping a "Potential Predator" label on every nice guy we meet, it's MORE important to teach our kids what behavior is appropriate and what ISN'T, how to protect themselves, how and why to tell, that they should trust their instincts and feelings.

 

Thoughts about this approach:

 

1. Protection from sexual predators should never be the responsibility of a child.

2. The idea of teaching children "how to tell" doesn't take into account that if there is something to tell, it's too late. Then you have not protected the child.

3. Yes, teach children to trust their instincts. And, trust your own. And, protect the gift that a child is.

[Audrey]

I think it is always wise to be cautious -- even overly cautious -- when it comes to with whom you trust your children. Just because a person attends your church, or your playgroup, or is your doctor or your pastor or your teacher, does not mean they are above reproach or caution.

 

There is no way you can "tell" it's a predator by his/her looks or public actions. Predators lurk in myriad disguises. Most of them look, and even act, quite trustworthy. That's what makes the disguise so good. Gut instincts should always be followed, IMO, but they are NOT enough. The most successful predators are most often people you would NEVER suspect and from whom you would NEVER get a bad vibe.

 

I would rather trust no one alone with my child than to take a chance of trusting the wrong one alone with him.

 

And, if anyone ever did hurt my kid, then he'd better pray hard that his god would help him because what I would do to that person would make Satan feel like an amateur. :mad:

[FO4UR]

Thoughts about this approach:

 

1. Protection from sexual predators should never be the responsibility of a child.

2. The idea of teaching children "how to tell" doesn't take into account that if there is something to tell, it's too late. Then you have not protected the child.

3. Yes, teach children to trust their instincts. And, trust your own. And, protect the gift that a child is.

 

:iagree:

 

 

I do teach mine that "bad guys" are most afraid of getting caught. If you ever EVER feel even a tiny bit scared/worried/anxious...get to a PUBLIC spot and be loud about it. No matter what the bad guy says or does, he's afraid of getting caught...so tell on him.

 

My kids have my permission to disobey adults. At church, they have my permission to just.leave and find me. *I* will deal with whatever "trouble" comes their way for such disobedience.

 

My kids have experience going up to the counter at places like McD's to buy their own ice cream. They feel fairly comfortable walking up to "strangers" and asking for appropriate help. "Excuse me, Ma'am" and "Excuse me, Sir" are 2 phrases that can empower a young child.

 

This has to be a two-fold thing. The kids have to be given some knowledge/skill to protect themselves in an emergency/could-be-emergency, and the parents have to work to avoid the emergency.

 

I have refused to let my kids go places b/c of that momma-radar...and it usually goes off b/c that place just seems to foster an unhealthy "opportunity" with little-to-no recourse for a child to flee. That said, I've felt completely safe leaving my dc at the grocery store kiddie-station on most occasions...so I'm not simply paranoid about my kids never leaving my side. I just will NEVER leave them vulnerable.

[Laurie4b]

I think more than immediately slapping a "Potential Predator" label on every nice guy we meet, it's MORE important to teach our kids what behavior is appropriate and what ISN'T, how to protect themselves, how and why to tell, that they should trust their instincts and feelings.

 

There's no checklist for what a sexual predator looks like. He (or SHE) could be anyone. It's better to stay calm, exercise common sense (without crossing the line into paranoia), and empower our kids.

 

FWIW, I was molested as a child by a family member. I'm not naive about this issue.

 

:iagree:

[Laurie4b]

For those of you who distanced yourself from someone who turned out to be a predator what were the subtle things that made you feel your children might not be safe around this person?

 

Just "too much". I don't know how to describe it any other way. "Too much" relating to kids on their level (like a big kid himself), "too much" Mr. Do Anything for your kids,etc. I was just wary.

[goldberry]

I think it is always wise to be cautious -- even overly cautious -- when it comes to with whom you trust your children. Just because a person attends your church, or your playgroup, or is your doctor or your pastor or your teacher, does not mean they are above reproach or caution.

 

There is no way you can "tell" it's a predator by his/her looks or public actions. Predators lurk in myriad disguises. Most of them look, and even act, quite trustworthy. That's what makes the disguise so good. Gut instincts should always be followed, IMO, but they are NOT enough. The most successful predators are most often people you would NEVER suspect and from whom you would NEVER get a bad vibe.

 

I would rather trust no one alone with my child than to take a chance of trusting the wrong one alone with him.

 

And, if anyone ever did hurt my kid, then he'd better pray hard that his god would help him because what I would do to that person would make Satan feel like an amateur. :mad:

 

 

:iagree::iagree:

[Laurie4b]

Thoughts about this approach:

 

1. Protection from sexual predators should never be the responsibility of a child.

2. The idea of teaching children "how to tell" doesn't take into account that if there is something to tell, it's too late. Then you have not protected the child.

3. Yes, teach children to trust their instincts. And, trust your own. And, protect the gift that a child is.

 

I think people are talking about two different things here.

 

1. When people are talking about teaching kids to protect themselves from sexual predators, they are generally talking about building up kids' sense that they have a right to define who touches them and how--which includes whether or not to kiss grandma. Kids who have this innate sense of their own right to reinforce their boundaries are less likely to be targets. And kids can protect themselves--many do. I did. My mother protected me as well. But once I was at my grandmother's and there was a visitor I didn't like...My grandmother's was a safe place, generally. I would have hated to miss all the magic of childhood I had at my grandmother's because my mother wouldn't let me go without her! (It wouldn't have been the same!) Sometimes a parents' best efforts can fail. Best not to have an unprepared kid.

 

2. The supermajority of predators build up to it, so a child who initially tells often has not experienced anything more than a discomfort. Additionally, even if something happens, how a child reacts--and whether he or she takes protective action--affects very much how they process the experience. "Telling" doesn't mean it is too late. And how a parent responds to the initial telling can be damaging or not--over-response can be just as harmful as ignoring. I *was* molested as a teen by a stranger while with a friend at a creek. I hit him, cussed him, and chased him down the road trying to get his license number! Didn't have one single negative effect on me, though it did make me more cautious about my surroundings. My father had taught me how to protect myself.

[SeekingHim77]

Always follow your gut. I well remember my mom refusing to let me go somewhere because she didn't feel right about it, only to be worn down by my begging until she finally agreed. It was a very bad night. Thankfully, I escaped physically unharmed but my friend was raped and the rest of us would have been next if we wouldn't have managed to sneak away through the woods under the ruse of using the bathroom.

 

I just don't trust hardly anyone with my kids-especially when they are little. They are never left alone with any man besides their father. In the rare emergency situations where I've had to leave them with some other family member, I've made sure that my older son stays with my daughter and keeps an eye on her. I've just found myself in too many bad situations to take chances with my children. The statistics show that child molestation is very common. I would rather err on the side of caution and be safe instead of sorry.