s/o guns & boys: Is there anything you don't let your girls play with?

[4wildberrys]

I don't have any girls, but a general rule we have applies to girls as well: We don't buy licensed products.

 

For example,

 

Dress up clothes are fine, but not Cinderella (or in our case, Toy Story)

Pretend make up kits would be fine, but not the Hannah Montana or Hello Kitty versions

The Memory Game would be fine, but not the Dora the Explorer edition

Monopoly is fine, but not the local university version (although I'm sometimes tempted)

A diary or journal is fine, but it can be a notebook or a pretty blank book, it doesn't have Hello Kitty on it

A bicycle is fantastic, but not a Barbie bicycle

Scooter is good, Barbie/Cars scooter is not

bike bell is fine, but not the Barbie Bike Bell

Silly string is fine, but not Spider-Man Spidey Shots

Leap frog game ok, but not x men version

Connect 4 is good, the Sponge Bob version is not

Color Wonder is good, Disney Color Wonder, no

 

This is our attempt to cut down on the commercial influences that enter our house. We'd rather the enjoyment be from the activity itself and not have the activity so tied to a commercial license. We find the license adds no value to the product itself & only encourages kids to want more products with that character. I mean, really, Justin Bieber sheets (they say "I love JB" all over them & are available at Toys R Us for about $49)?

 

We also apply this to our other purchases as well. We need pots & pans, but aren't going to be buying Paula Deen or Emeril's products as they aren't any better than what you would find w/out that name - there is no value added. Martha Stewart branded craft items would be acceptable only if it wasn't something another company offered or if the quality was far above what others were selling. She is known for her crafty projects, so I could go for that as it is her specialty and she has some unique ideas & tastes. However, a Martha Stewart towel or kitchen spatula isn't going to make the cut because these are products that are being sold under a license for her name and her name doesn't add value to these products - other people make them as well. Martha Stewart selected plants in the garden center? I can select my own plants (but that would be cruel as plants in my home don't make it very long).

 

 

What's 'funny' about this to me is that this is EXACTLY how my mother was---and I am the exact polar opposite because of all of her hard and fast rules about commercial stuff. :lol: I guess that is why dh and I have never tried to make an issue of stuff, so our kids don't rebel like we did :tongue_smilie:

 

And I'm not criticizing you at all! We all do what's right for us and our families and I have total respect for that ;)

[Jenny in Florida]

What's 'funny' about this to me is that this is EXACTLY how my mother was---and I am the exact polar opposite because of all of her hard and fast rules about commercial stuff. :lol: I guess that is why dh and I have never tried to make an issue of stuff, so our kids don't rebel like we did :tongue_smilie:

 

And I'm not criticizing you at all! We all do what's right for us and our families and I have total respect for that ;)

 

Sigh.

 

I get really tired of this argument.

 

Here's the thing: There were many things about the way I was raised that I resented and "rebelled" against. And there were a few things I think my parents got more or less right.

 

What I came away with is the idea that what matters most about parenting (and homeschooling and lots of other things) is being thoughtful and intentional about my choices. Once I know why I make the decisions I do, I can explain to my children clearly my reasons.

 

While there are things my kids haven't loved about the way they've been raised, neither of them has ever, ever said anything to suggest that they will swing the other way just for the sake of it.

 

In fact, my daughter is pretty clear that she understands and appreciates our efforts to be good parents. She admits we haven't always gotten everything "right," but at least so far she holds no resentment.

 

My son, who has had more personality conflicts with my husband, has told me he intends to be a different kind of dad. But, on the whole, he appreciates having been raised intentionally. And, again, although he doesn't always agree with our decisions, he does understand them and doesn't seem to be holding his breath for the moment he can go wild out in the world.

 

Neither of them had Barbies or guns or violent video games. They don't eat meat or dairy or most refined sugars. They've never had a hamburger or milkshake. They've never gone to another child's birthday party without bringing along a cupcake I baked at home (since they do not eat the cake that is served).

 

There are many, many movies and TV shows "everybody else" watches that they have not been allowed to see.

 

But we've explained every single one of those decisions. We've never required them to say they agree, but we do insist that they honor our choices.

 

Neither of them has ever indicated they intend to do things differently in their own lives or as parents.

 

I'm sure some kids rebel against decisions and rules they perceive as arbitrary or unfair. But we work really hard not to make rules like that.

[Crimson Wife]

They've never gone to another child's birthday party without bringing along a cupcake I baked at home (since they do not eat the cake that is served).

 

I'm sorry, but I would be offended by this. If the mom mentioned to me beforehand that her child had a dairy/wheat allergy or celiac disease or other medical reason for not eating standard cake, I'd be more than happy to make sure I served cake that did not contain the particular ingredient(s). If the child simply declined to eat the cake served, that would be okay with me, too.

 

But I think it the height of rudeness to send your child to a party with food that you baked because you are Ms. Food Nazi and no impure cake can despoil the precious temple of his/her body :rolleyes:

[Plucky]

I'm sorry, but I would be offended by this. If the mom mentioned to me beforehand that her child had a dairy/wheat allergy or celiac disease or other medical reason for not eating standard cake, I'd be more than happy to make sure I served cake that did not contain the particular ingredient(s). If the child simply declined to eat the cake served, that would be okay with me, too.

 

But I think it the height of rudeness to send your child to a party with food that you baked because you are Ms. Food Nazi and no impure cake can despoil the precious temple of his/her body :rolleyes:

 

I'd be fine with it. As long as I don't have to make something special, I'm good to go. I can't however follow your child around and make sure she doesn't eat anything not approved - in that case mom needs to stick around. I actually had this happen. I was helping a friend with her son's birthday party and mom says as she was leaving, "Oh, he can't have sugar."

[4wildberrys]

I'm sorry, but I would be offended by this. If the mom mentioned to me beforehand that her child had a dairy/wheat allergy or celiac disease or other medical reason for not eating standard cake, I'd be more than happy to make sure I served cake that did not contain the particular ingredient(s). If the child simply declined to eat the cake served, that would be okay with me, too.

 

But I think it the height of rudeness to send your child to a party with food that you baked because you are Ms. Food Nazi and no impure cake can despoil the precious temple of his/her body :rolleyes:

 

I would be offended too if it was a case of 'My child's body is a Temple' and can't eat your junk! AND---I have been offended by the toy purists who made us feel (AND our kids!) like heathens because their choice in non-'offensive' or non-commercial toys, non-plastic toys, etc. made them somehow more enlightened or whatever than us. The people in my town who are food and toy 'controllers' are very judgemental, even though they attend church services every Sunday. I have nursed MANY hurt feelings of my children over the years by this attitude---which is another reason we never got too heavy handed with toy or video game censorship. Almost every single kid coming from these Heavy Control families rebelled in a very unpleasant fashion after spending their childhoods with a chip of superiority on their shoulders. This is, of course, only my personal observation of people I know IRL and in no way reflects a blanket statement that anyone who controls will experience this. ;)

[T'smom]

Sigh.

 

I get really tired of this argument.

 

Here's the thing: There were many things about the way I was raised that I resented and "rebelled" against. And there were a few things I think my parents got more or less right.

 

What I came away with is the idea that what matters most about parenting (and homeschooling and lots of other things) is being thoughtful and intentional about my choices. Once I know why I make the decisions I do, I can explain to my children clearly my reasons.

 

While there are things my kids haven't loved about the way they've been raised, neither of them has ever, ever said anything to suggest that they will swing the other way just for the sake of it.

 

In fact, my daughter is pretty clear that she understands and appreciates our efforts to be good parents. She admits we haven't always gotten everything "right," but at least so far she holds no resentment.

 

My son, who has had more personality conflicts with my husband, has told me he intends to be a different kind of dad. But, on the whole, he appreciates having been raised intentionally. And, again, although he doesn't always agree with our decisions, he does understand them and doesn't seem to be holding his breath for the moment he can go wild out in the world.

 

Neither of them had Barbies or guns or violent video games. They don't eat meat or dairy or most refined sugars. They've never had a hamburger or milkshake. They've never gone to another child's birthday party without bringing along a cupcake I baked at home (since they do not eat the cake that is served).

 

There are many, many movies and TV shows "everybody else" watches that they have not been allowed to see.

 

But we've explained every single one of those decisions. We've never required them to say they agree, but we do insist that they honor our choices.

 

Neither of them has ever indicated they intend to do things differently in their own lives or as parents.

 

I'm sure some kids rebel against decisions and rules they perceive as arbitrary or unfair. But we work really hard not to make rules like that.

 

Hmmm, could be you're "tired of this argument" because you're seeing one where none exists. That poster did NOT argue with you at all. She simply stated that reason that she did not make the same choices as you. She did not said that you should do things *this* way for *this* reason. :chillpill:

[angela in ohio]

However, I am not sure at what point that becomes a philosophical refusal to let them do something and when it just never comes up.

 

This was the case with most things. My dc just never had them, so they weren't used to them. My girls seemed to be born with a loathing of all things princess and modern-tween-culture, so that made it so easy. They would always pick books or more LEGOs over a Barbie. My oldest wanted a "dentist kit", and astronout helmet, and a set of metal airplane models for her 5th birthday. :D

 

I'm pretty liberal (I actually fall a few feet to the left of liberal) but I just can't stomach the s3xualizing of little girls. Aren't dolls intended for role playing? :ack2:

 

It seems like the one thing really liberal and really conservative parents can agree on: the issue of the s&xualization of girls. I guess commercialization too. :D

 

What I came away with is the idea that what matters most about parenting (and homeschooling and lots of other things) is being thoughtful and intentional about my choices. Once I know why I make the decisions I do, I can explain to my children clearly my reasons...

 

I'm sure some kids rebel against decisions and rules they perceive as arbitrary or unfair. But we work really hard not to make rules like that.

 

Yep, we get the "doesn't matter, they will just rebel" argument. Luckily we know the secret: intentional conversation and relationship. I'm not worried. ;) My dc are now more intense about some of our beliefs than we are. :D

Edited July 17, 2011 by angela in ohio

[twoforjoy]

Probably not, although it's not an issue yet. I'd have the same policy about no realistic-looking toy guns that I have for DS, but that, for me, is a safety issue. There are loads of toys I wouldn't buy, but I don't think I'd ban playing with anything unless there was a safety reason.

[Lovedtodeath]

I have found that I really prefer my little girl to pretend to be a responsible little girl (American Girl dolls), instead of pretending to be a pop star with loose morals (Disney based dolls that I thought I liked because they have a more natural body shape than a Barbie). We don't allow Bratz, tween or toddler Bratz... all of them dress too sexually.

 

We love any kind of guns/ scifi/ army toys around here. ROFL!

[Haiku]

 

I'm sure some kids rebel against decisions and rules they perceive as arbitrary or unfair. But we work really hard not to make rules like that.

 

My dd17 plans to parent quite differently than we have and live her adult life quite differently than we do. We make intentional choices and explain our reasoning to her. We're not arbitrary. She just resents that we are "different" from most people and intends to live as "same" as possible when she's on her own.

 

For example, we are not Christian. Dd does not believe in god (not because we told her not to; she has her own reasons that I won't share here), but she tells people at school that she is Christian because "most people are Christian and I don't want to be different."

 

Being the same as everyone else is very important to dd.

 

Tara

[Haiku]

But I think it the height of rudeness to send your child to a party with food that you baked because you are Ms. Food Nazi and no impure cake can despoil the precious temple of his/her body :rolleyes:

 

It sounded to me like the family was vegan (no meat/dairy, she mentioned, and many vegans don't eat white sugar), not that she was a food Nazi.

 

Tara

[LidiyaDawn]

I didn't read every post, just jumped around in the thread.. am I going to be the only one who says that her daughter had a pile of those bratz dolls?

 

actually..she had bratz dolls, bratz comforter, bratz bed canopy, bratz cars, bratz tattoos, bratz hair accessories… :p

 

Yep, bratz were HUGE with her and her friends.

 

[who've grown up just fine, as it happens]

[MrsJewelsRae]

No Bratz here. I was unsure about Barbies, but she kept getting them for birthdays and Christmas so I let her keep them on the condition that they are dressed modestly. I really prefer the Only Heart Dolls that are soft and poseable with fewer curves than Barbie.

[stripe]

It sounded to me like the family was vegan (no meat/dairy, she mentioned, and many vegans don't eat white sugar), not that she was a food Nazi.

 

Tara

 

I send my kids to parties with a nice bulgar/spinach loaf in the shape of a cupcake with a nice soy mayonnaise topping, with enough for every child attending. :D Just kidding.

[Haiku]

I send my kids to parties with a nice bulgar/spinach loaf in the shape of a cupcake with a nice soy mayonnaise topping, with enough for every child attending. :D Just kidding.

 

:lol:

 

Being the mom who frequently sends my kids' food along (due to allergies and veganism), I'm surprised to find that someone would consider it rude. I wouldn't question someone's reasons for sending food.

 

I used to try to make healthy alternatives to sugary treats, but then I realized, "Hey, that's no fun!" We like junk, in small quantities, here, and I am unashamed. Dh recently bought me a 12-pack of red cream soda. Yum! :D

 

Tara

[Soror]

I wouldn't buy Bratz or any other doll that looks like a prostitute. I wouldn't mind Barbies that had reasonable clothing and no crazy make-up. I prefer no characters and non-battery operated open-ended toys in what I buy them. However, I am done with trying to be a Nazi with everything others buy them. So, she has some princess dress up items. I generally make everything homemade but if they are somewhere and someone has a safe sucker, then sure they can have it(it is hard enough with the restrictions we have to do). My daughter is the extreme girly girl though, loves all things princess makeup and heels and all those things that I just don't get, it was inborn in her. Last night we seen a lady out with entirely too much makeup, low cut top, super short shorts and heels and dd was going on about how beautiful she was. Yes, my daughter tends to look up to women that look like strippers, we will have to be very vigilant around here and careful to raise her with modesty without her hating us.

[kchara]

Same. No Barbies, no Bratz. Nothing that looks like a prosti-tot.

 

:iagree: This is us, too. We also don't buy anything licensed by Disney. We feel they completely and totally exploit the young people who work for them. They're not allowed to have anything "tween," until they're actually tweens. And nothing "teen" until they're teens.

[Matryoshka]

I had no problem with princess dress-up if it was generic princess - no Disney stuff. We watched some Disney movies with princesses in them (after they were 5yo or so), but didn't buy any of the "merchandise". We also read the original fairy tales, so the movies were just one version, not "the" version.

 

We don't have cable, so the rest of the Disney juggernaut (Hannah Montana et. al.) they just didn't care about.

[Heidi]

I would agree with most everyone else, disney, barbie, brats are on the no-way list. Also video games of any sort, even educational, I don't really like. I'm open to truly educational video game things, but I have yet to come across any that are worth it to me. My kids like books, ponies, and stuffed animals, coloring, playing outside, and using their imaginations, and I hope to keep it that way for as long as possible.

[Elizabeth in MN]

Generally I don't allow advertising toys, like those Ronald McDonald dolls. Nothing with batteries required save the DS and iPod. If a toy needs batteries to be fun it's just not good for the brain IMO. I avoided Disney Princess stuff mostly (those little dolls with the plastic clothing helped my daughter through long church services).

 

One toy has crept in that I am kinda 60/40 about - Monster High dolls. My daughter is crazy in love with them and has one of each character that has been released so far. I love old horror movies and that may be why I let the dolls in. The webisodes are sometimes decent about dealing with bullies and being true to oneself.

 

It's harder to influence the atmosphere around my daughter since she passed the age of seven, and it gets harder each year. That doesn't mean I've given up or try any less. Now it means talking about the issues as they arise.

[Crimson Wife]

It sounded to me like the family was vegan (no meat/dairy, she mentioned, and many vegans don't eat white sugar), not that she was a food Nazi.

 

Tara

 

I have vegan friends and make sure to serve animal product-free dishes when they eat at my house. But if someone rudely showed up to a party I was hosting with their own food, I wouldn't be inviting them again. Didn't anybody teach them any manners? :glare:

[Haiku]

I have vegan friends and make sure to serve animal product-free dishes when they eat at my house. But if someone rudely showed up to a party I was hosting with their own food, I wouldn't be inviting them again. Didn't anybody teach them any manners? :glare:

 

Do you cook exclusively with organic raw cane sugar? Because if you use white sugar, it's not vegan in the absolute strictest sense of the term. I'm just asking; I'm not being accusatory.

 

Honestly, I can't imagine being offended that someone brought their own food. Different strokes, I guess.

 

Tara

[LittleIzumi]

I have vegan friends and make sure to serve animal product-free dishes when they eat at my house. But if someone rudely showed up to a party I was hosting with their own food, I wouldn't be inviting them again. Didn't anybody teach them any manners? :glare:

 

I would think, as a visitor to your home, that it would be much easier for you if I brought my own serving than to ask you to rearrange your entire menu. Plus most people either forget to change the dish or honestly don't think about things enough (like that a dairy-allergic kid can't have treats with butter in them, not just milk or cheese, or that white frosting has red dye in it quite often). If I couldn't bring my own food to your house, I probably couldn't come to your house much. :)

[Orthodox6]

It sounded to me like the family was vegan (no meat/dairy, she mentioned, and many vegans don't eat white sugar), not that she was a food Nazi.

 

Tara

 

That is how it sounded to me, also. She and I just differ in how we would respond to the situation. As Orthodox, we are fasting according to faith norms for nearly 2/3 of every year. (think vegan) In cases like this, I have made sure my child had eaten sufficiently before attending an event. She or he simply ate what "worked", and politely said "No, thank you" to foods or beverages not available to us for that day. Never have had any uncomfortable responses from the hosts.

 

Occasionally, I have asked a hostess ahead of time whether I could be helpful to her by providing something suitable for my child. If she doesn't "bite", I don't press the issue, and just proceed with "Plan B", which is to have dc eat beforehand.

 

I do think that "food Nazi" was an overly-harsh label.

[Jennifer in MI]

Hmmmmm . . . . I'm feeling a little different here, I guess. Maybe because dd is my fourth that my standards have relaxed a little (as has my parenting style in general).

 

My dd has Disney dress up and Disney princesses and she LOVES them. She has Barbies and some of them have bikinis. And, she loves them. She also plays with all sorts of baby dolls. And, you know what? She is a sweet, loving child who still dresses modestly and truly cares about other people.

 

But, then again, I allow my boys to shoot and own guns. Heck, dd has even shot a bb gun and she loves archery.

[Peela]

Sigh.

 

I get really tired of this argument.

 

Here's the thing: There were many things about the way I was raised that I resented and "rebelled" against. And there were a few things I think my parents got more or less right.

 

What I came away with is the idea that what matters most about parenting (and homeschooling and lots of other things) is being thoughtful and intentional about my choices. Once I know why I make the decisions I do, I can explain to my children clearly my reasons.

 

While there are things my kids haven't loved about the way they've been raised, neither of them has ever, ever said anything to suggest that they will swing the other way just for the sake of it.

 

In fact, my daughter is pretty clear that she understands and appreciates our efforts to be good parents. She admits we haven't always gotten everything "right," but at least so far she holds no resentment.

 

My son, who has had more personality conflicts with my husband, has told me he intends to be a different kind of dad. But, on the whole, he appreciates having been raised intentionally. And, again, although he doesn't always agree with our decisions, he does understand them and doesn't seem to be holding his breath for the moment he can go wild out in the world.

 

Neither of them had Barbies or guns or violent video games. They don't eat meat or dairy or most refined sugars. They've never had a hamburger or milkshake. They've never gone to another child's birthday party without bringing along a cupcake I baked at home (since they do not eat the cake that is served).

 

There are many, many movies and TV shows "everybody else" watches that they have not been allowed to see.

 

But we've explained every single one of those decisions. We've never required them to say they agree, but we do insist that they honor our choices.

 

Neither of them has ever indicated they intend to do things differently in their own lives or as parents.

 

I'm sure some kids rebel against decisions and rules they perceive as arbitrary or unfair. But we work really hard not to make rules like that.

 

But its impossible to say that just because that has worked for you up to this point with your particular children, that if you had had another child, that child might not be the rebel of the family who bucks the family system and fights all your choices. As you say, some kids DO rebel against reasonable rules that THEY feel are unreasonable- I have one child like that, who is not reasonable at all, and it does affect your parenting. It sounds like your kids respond to reason. Many don't.

 

Its impossible to extrapolate that a methodology of parenting is ideal for everyone because it works for you and your particular kid (s). Not that you are necessarily doing that, but you might be.

 

I think thats a danger, to think it would work for everyone- it comes across as a little arrogant to me- but I dont even have a problem with the cupcake thing. I am food trippy - its just that MY particular kids would be mortified if I did such a thing- they would feel "different" and they dont like that at all. But if it works for yours- wonderful. I am envious, in fact. Maybe I just didn't try hard enough- or maybe i was too busy fighting other battles.

 

My first child would have accepted any parenting methodology, strict, not strict, whatever. She is and was a compliant, easy going kid. Very reasonable.But my 2nd has been the total opposite and still is. But it is him who made me grow and become much more compassionate for other parents and their challenges- which I would otherwise have had little empathy for. I would have thought it was my great parenting that created my wonderful daughter and her happy, easy going demeanour- rather than nature. My son humbled me.

 

 

But I think it the height of rudeness to send your child to a party with food that you baked because you are Ms. Food Nazi and no impure cake can despoil the precious temple of his/her body :rolleyes:

 

I would not be offended by this. I live in a sub culture where parents have pure food trips and kids have food allergies, and I would be fine with it unless lots of kids did it- in which case I would be asking parents about their kids' allergies and food issues and finding a new recipe they COULD eat.

It is a choice to be offended or not. Why not just give the other parent some grace, some space to parent their own way? Considering how sick our culture is, that kids are getting diabetes at an astonishing rate, that adult lifestyle diseases often start in childhood, that wheat and dairy allergies are frequently triggered by overexposure in childhood, why not extend some understanding to people who are trying to bring up their kids with healthier food habits? It's not like cupcakes are doing them any actual good. Its not a judgement of your cooking or your parenting- it's a piece of cake. You don't actually have to take it personally.

 

I get where it can be over the top, and I have a friend whose food purity for her 2yo gets a little irritating at times- but I know she is coming from a place of deep care for her first child. I don't take it personally.

[4wildberrys]

I didn't read every post, just jumped around in the thread.. am I going to be the only one who says that her daughter had a pile of those bratz dolls?

 

actually..she had bratz dolls, bratz comforter, bratz bed canopy, bratz cars, bratz tattoos, bratz hair accessories… :p

 

Yep, bratz were HUGE with her and her friends.

 

[who've grown up just fine, as it happens]

 

Nope---dd at 19 has kept her HUGE pile of Bratz!! She pulls them out when other little girls come over. We even still have the Bratz styling head in storage somewhere. Funny though she never did makeup or attire like the dolls though :confused:

[Impish]

I've refused to buy Bratz, and when asked, let ppl know that I'd prefer they weren't given as a gift. Same with Hannah Montana/Justin Bieber/whatever else is floating around in the teen category in Disney.

 

I loathe Moon Sand. Polly Pockets b/c they're so little, everything gets lost poste haste. I don't object to them as gifts/hand me downs, but I won't buy them when I figure they'll end up MIA asap.

 

Funny thing...

 

My mom was rabidly anti-Barbie. Would go on a complete rant/tirade about them when I was growing up.

 

Along came Diva, first granddd.

 

My Mom bought her not only a Barbie, but a Barbie kitchen thingie by the time she was 4, and pretty much every birthday and Christmas after for years :glare:

[Joker]

Nope---dd at 19 has kept her HUGE pile of Bratz!! She pulls them out when other little girls come over. We even still have the Bratz styling head in storage somewhere. Funny though she never did makeup or attire like the dolls though :confused:

 

My older dd just saved up to buy a new Bratz. She is my overly modest girl who will never wear a dress, skirts, tank tops, etc. She doesn't even like to paint her nails. I was the same way as a girl but loved dolls. I've just never personally seen the correlation between playing with a Bratz and being trampy.

[Matryoshka]

Do you cook exclusively with organic raw cane sugar? Because if you use white sugar, it's not vegan in the absolute strictest sense of the term.

 

I do. My cupcake recipe I make for every birthday party is vegan in every sense of the word, even though we're not even vegetarian. I do offer the kids whipped cream, but they put it on themselves.

 

I have a friend whose dd couldn't eat gluten, and I loved to experiment with gluten-free recipes (although they weren't vegan - hard to make gluten-free baked goods without tons of eggs).

 

I know white sugar is evil, which I why I don't use it, but I'm curious what makes it not vegan, specifically?

 

If someone brought something to a party I hosted, I might ask what their restriction was and if it wasn't too bad offer to try to make something acceptable next time. If it truly was too difficult for me to accommodate (I might be a bit worried about making something for a kid with a really life-threatening allergy), I'd be happy to have them bring something, but if it was something more straightforward that just required a bit of ingredient jiggling, there's a good chance I'd be happy to accommodate.

 

But... there are lots of people whose cooking style is so far removed from organic or vegan or gluten or dye-free that they couldn't wrap their heads around trying to cook/bake that way (or they buy store-bought and have no interest in baking).

[4wildberrys]

I've refused to buy Bratz, and when asked, let ppl know that I'd prefer they weren't given as a gift. Same with Hannah Montana/Justin Bieber/whatever else is floating around in the teen category in Disney.

 

I loathe Moon Sand. Polly Pockets b/c they're so little, everything gets lost poste haste. I don't object to them as gifts/hand me downs, but I won't buy them when I figure they'll end up MIA asap.

 

Funny thing...

 

My mom was rabidly anti-Barbie. Would go on a complete rant/tirade about them when I was growing up.

 

Along came Diva, first granddd.

 

My Mom bought her not only a Barbie, but a Barbie kitchen thingie by the time she was 4, and pretty much every birthday and Christmas after for years :glare:

 

 

LOL---my mother did the same thing with Barbies for my dd! Sigh---but Polly Pocket is just SO cute :tongue_smilie: At least they were when dd was little, with all those little rubber stretchy clothes and accessories. She sat at the kitchen table for HOURS (we called it her Office) playing with the Polly Pockets. Betty Spaghetti too. AND again played for hours and hours with her best little buddy at the time with all of her fancy Barbies with all of their fancy clothes (that my mother bought for her :001_huh:) in her 4 story JUMBO Barbie house---replete with ALL the accessories :D The truth is---every last one of her favorite toys and playtimes with them was ruined when we met the ultra-non-consumer homeschooling family who didn't approve of anything we bought for our kids (of course, I had no idea until YEARS later just how venomous this woman and her kids were about us!). I had no idea their girls were so negative and mean about dd's toys until years later---but always wondered why they never, ever played her favorite games with her.

[LidiyaDawn]

I have vegan friends and make sure to serve animal product-free dishes when they eat at my house. But if someone rudely showed up to a party I was hosting with their own food, I wouldn't be inviting them again. Didn't anybody teach them any manners? :glare:

 

Question: what if it's a situation of severe allergies? If a mom provided a safe snack/meal for her child because eating something at your home that contained the allergen could potentially be fatal to that child --- would you still see that as rude?

[4wildberrys]

I

 

I know white sugar is evil, which I why I don't use it, but I'm curious what makes it not vegan, specifically?

 

 

I think because they bleach the sugar with some sort of animal product---bones?

[Matryoshka]

My mom was rabidly anti-Barbie. Would go on a complete rant/tirade about them when I was growing up.

 

 

My mom never bought me a single Barbie. But before my dds could even walk she'd bought a huge supply of them - although to her credit she didn't get any with trampy/skimpy clothes - they were mostly the "family" pack that had more normally proportioned dolls, and then yes, lots of princess/prince sets (though from Swan Lake and such, not branded).

 

But I did look at her like :confused: what's with all the Barbies??? They lived at her house, though, so I just let it go. :D

[Matryoshka]

I think because they bleach the sugar with some sort of animal product---bones?

 

Ew. I can't eat jello (well, at least without purposefully not thinking about it on the rare occasions it comes across my plate) after I found out how it was made... :ack2:

[LittleIzumi]

My older dd just saved up to buy a new Bratz. She is my overly modest girl who will never wear a dress, skirts, tank tops, etc. She doesn't even like to paint her nails. I was the same way as a girl but loved dolls. I've just never personally seen the correlation between playing with a Bratz and being trampy.

 

My dd tries to dress like the pictures of the Disney princesses she sees (like the off-the-shoulder ball gowns, Ariel's top, etc) just from the image, not even having seen the movies. I can't imagine what she'd be like with dolls....

[mom2scouts]

I haven't ever banned any toys, but there are some kinds of toys I don't tend to buy. My 4 year old is happily playing with her horse riding Barbie right now and she loves to dress up those tiny Disney Princess dolls and have them talk to each other.

[elizabeth]

NO Bratz just because I do not like the sexualizing of tween girls and did not want them in my house. NO chainsaws, trebuchet, guns or darts. Because they can kill people. Other than that we have legos. a dozen musical instruments, boardgames enough to occupy the entire city and art supplies. Frankly her favorite toys were all swords. Slayage. It is all about the slayage. I must have watched too much Buffy when I was pregnant...

[Wabi Sabi]

Can't really think of anything off the top of my head. We've got the gaming systems, plenty of character toys, iPods, toy (Nerf) guns and even a real, live SNAKE, lol!

 

I'd prefer her not to have certain really junky, cheap toys but if they're given to them as a gift? Eh, we'll keep them around for a little while. I won't spend my own money on a Bratz doll and would prefer her not to have one, but it's also not a hill I'm going to die on if she gets one from someone else.

 

Tot-sized stripper pole, maybe? That's when I put my foot down! :tongue_smilie:

[mom2scouts]

I would be offended too if it was a case of 'My child's body is a Temple' and can't eat your junk! AND---I have been offended by the toy purists who made us feel (AND our kids!) like heathens because their choice in non-'offensive' or non-commercial toys, non-plastic toys, etc. made them somehow more enlightened or whatever than us. The people in my town who are food and toy 'controllers' are very judgemental, even though they attend church services every Sunday. I have nursed MANY hurt feelings of my children over the years by this attitude---which is another reason we never got too heavy handed with toy or video game censorship. Almost every single kid coming from these Heavy Control families rebelled in a very unpleasant fashion after spending their childhoods with a chip of superiority on their shoulders. This is, of course, only my personal observation of people I know IRL and in no way reflects a blanket statement that anyone who controls will experience this. ;)

 

I will never, ever forget when my now 21 year old son went to his first birthday party when he was about 4. He and the other young children were *so* excited to give the birthday boy their gifts. The mother was one who was into health food and non-violent toys and had that "I'm so enlightened" attitude. One young boy gave a gift of the current popular action figure of the time and the birthday child's mother got down in front of him (and in front of everyone else) and explained that her family didn't allow such violent toys in their house because they only allowed peaceful toys. She told him why it was such a bad toy and said that he needed to take it home. The little boy was crushed and embarrassed and I've never forgotten how hurt he looked. I was so angry and upset and wondered why she didn't just thank the boy and then get rid of it later or even quietly mention to the parent and ask it they would want it back. To this day, I hate picking out birthday presents because I never want my child to be made to feel that bad when giving a gift.

[LibraryLover]

No, no toy issues here. I trust they play what they need to play. Their imaginary worlds are theirs. I don't get involved in that. My kids have played with toys I might not choose for them. It's not about me. I have never seen any behaviors which concern me, and I've never seen a toy cause any behavior problems.

Edited July 18, 2011 by LibraryLover

[angela in ohio]

She told him why it was such a bad toy and said that he needed to take it home. The little boy was crushed and embarrassed and I've never forgotten how hurt he looked. I was so angry and upset and wondered why she didn't just thank the boy and then get rid of it later or even quietly mention to the parent and ask it they would want it back.

 

It's a shame she wasn't into manners, too. :glare: I suppose she thought she was going to "educate" all the children at the party.

[MelAR05]

I've refused to buy Bratz, and when asked, let ppl know that I'd prefer they weren't given as a gift. Same with Hannah Montana/Justin Bieber/whatever else is floating around in the teen category in Disney.

 

 

 

:iagree:

 

Now if I had only never let them watch tv! :tongue_smilie: We have gone tv free for the summer and it has been soooo much fun!

[KarenC]

We didn't allow Junie B. Jones or Bratz.

 

Karen

[Jenny in Florida]

I'm sorry, but I would be offended by this. If the mom mentioned to me beforehand that her child had a dairy/wheat allergy or celiac disease or other medical reason for not eating standard cake, I'd be more than happy to make sure I served cake that did not contain the particular ingredient(s). If the child simply declined to eat the cake served, that would be okay with me, too.

 

But I think it the height of rudeness to send your child to a party with food that you baked because you are Ms. Food Nazi and no impure cake can despoil the precious temple of his/her body :rolleyes:

 

First of all, I've never sent either of my kids to a birthday party for a child we didn't know well enough for this not to be a surprise. Without exception, I've spoken to the parents in advance and made the offer, which has always been accepted gratefully and graciously.

 

Second, it's not about "impure" or being a "Food Nazi." For us, the dietary habits are motivated by ethical/religious beliefs.

 

For most casual gatherings, we do what you mentioned above and simply have the kids eat in advance and decline offered food politely. Birthday parties, though, are in a special category. And the cake is often an "event." It's uncomfortable for everyone (including the birthday child and hosting parents) if a guest cannot participate.

 

We do this as politely and unobtrusively as possible and have never had a problem.

 

But, of course, you are more than welcome to leave my kids off you guest list if it would bother you.

[Jenny in Florida]

Hmmm' date=' could be you're "tired of this argument" because you're seeing one where none exists. That poster did NOT argue with you at all. She simply stated that reason that she did not make the same choices as you. She did not said that you should do things *this* way for *this* reason. :chillpill:[/quote']

 

I apologize for any confusion: I did not mean that she was "arguing with me." I was using the word "argument" as in the "discourse intended to persuade" sense.

 

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/argument

[Jenny in Florida]

Its impossible to extrapolate that a methodology of parenting is ideal for everyone because it works for you and your particular kid (s). Not that you are necessarily doing that, but you might be.

 

I think thats a danger, to think it would work for everyone- it comes across as a little arrogant to me-

 

I apologize if I sounded arrogant or didactic. That was absolutely not my intention. Does it help to keep in mind that I was responding to a post that seemed to be to be advocating a particular approach (don't restrict because your child will rebel) by sharing our own?

 

My son can be unreasonable about many things, too. (Well, can't we all?) Sometimes his view of the world baffles me. I'm sure he'd say the same about my views. And I don't doubt that he will do some things differently as an adult and a parent. But I don't think it will be because he's "rebelling." He'll make different choices because he's a different person.

[Mommysbaby]

No Bratz or toy guns here.

[Jenny in Florida]

I have vegan friends and make sure to serve animal product-free dishes when they eat at my house. But if someone rudely showed up to a party I was hosting with their own food, I wouldn't be inviting them again. Didn't anybody teach them any manners? :glare:

 

Does it help to know that I always consult with the hosting parents first? That I do my best to provide a treat that looks as much as possible like what they are serving and that, when the kids were younger, I always offered to stay and help serve not only my own child but others?

 

Would you be interested in hearing about the many, many hours I spent working in the kitchens when my kids attended Camp Fire programs? Those hours in which I cooked and served food to all 50 or so of the kids so that I was present to make sure my own got meals they could eat?

 

Or would you like to just continue being offended?

[Joker]

Does it help to know that I always consult with the hosting parents first? That I do my best to provide a treat that looks as much as possible like what they are serving and that, when the kids were younger, I always offered to stay and help serve not only my own child but others?

 

Would you be interested in hearing about the many, many hours I spent working in the kitchens when my kids attended Camp Fire programs? Those hours in which I cooked and served food to all 50 or so of the kids so that I was present to make sure my own got meals they could eat?

 

Or would you like to just continue being offended?

 

I don't think there's anything wrong with you providing a treat for you dc. A close friend of mine had a dd diagnosed with several allergies and I was worried about how to accomodate her. The mom voluntered to make the birthday cake and I eagerly accepted. The other kids noticed nothing weird about the cake and the dd with severe allergies didn't have to miss out on any part of the day. You're communicating with the other parents and they don't seem to be offended so no one here should be.