What about prom, pep rallies, graduation ceremony, etc.?

[beachnut]

I went to my nephew's (private school) graduation over the weekend and REALLY started second-guessing my decision to homeschool thru high school. My brain tells me it's the right decision, so that my boys will have an excellent, customized education with tremendous flexibility free from public school rules/policies and a more balanced life. My heart remembers how much I LOVED high school (Friday night football games, car wash fundraisers with fellow classmates, pep rallies, prom, clubs, friends...and the awesome feeling of walking across the stage on graduation day, surrounded by teens you spent the last 4 years with thru all those good & bad high school moments).

 

Can anyone reassure me that I am not totally depriving my kids of the experience (both good and bad) that the majority of people all of the world go thru? As my nephew once said, school is more than just education (although that's the most important part).

 

Please help me kick my panic attack.

[dirty ethel rackham]

Here is an article someone gave me early in my home educating career. But What About Prom?

 

In reality, there are quite a few traditionally schooled students who never go to Prom or pep rallies or the like. They turn out fine. I never went to Prom. Dh didn't either, nor did he ever attend a pep rally. All of these things were created to distract kids from the mind-numbing reality of school.

 

I do have those gut-wrenching doubts from time to time, until older, wiser experienced homeschoolers remind me that we are creating different memories. I have to say that the memories that we are creating in our family have more value and meaning than spending nearly $1000 on one night.

 

ETA: However, if you feel that this is really important, many homeschool groups do put on dances for homeschooled teens. We have several to choose from. Ds17 is much like his dad in seeing them as pointless. He was quite dismayed to see one of his friends succumb to the prom pressure and abandon their little posse.

Edited June 6, 2011 by dirty ethel rackham

[learningmama]

There are some homeschool groups that do put on their own proms, special senior activites, graduation ceremonies, etc. That would be a great option if available. If not, although they may be fun, all those activites don't mean much in the long run. Besides, if a homeschooler goes to college, maybe they can take part in on-campus social activites if desired.

[regentrude]

Can anyone reassure me that I am not totally depriving my kids of the experience (both good and bad) that the majority of people all of the world go thru?

 

First of all, the majority of the people in the world do NOT experience the things you have mentioned. You mention some mainstream American activities (most of which I never experienced, having gone to school in a different country)

 

Second, many homeschool groups do, in fact, organize these kinds of activities for the homeschooled students. I know of graduation ceremonies and proms specifically for homeschoolers. If these are important for you and your student, find some like minded homeschooling parents and set up something for your kids.

 

Third: clubs and friends are not exclusive to school - your sons can have friends which whom they share many wonderful memories.

My DD has a very busy social schedule; she rides horses and spends 25+ hours per week at the barn where she has her circle of friends. They bond through their common interests, through shared work, competitions, fun outings. She is also a member of a choir and has friends there. Other homeschooled teens play sports, or play in an orchestra, or make friends through the homeschool math club.

 

Your children will have DIFFERENT experiences than kids who go to public school. Both educational and socially.

[Wendi]

I agree with the others; if you live in a large enough metro area, look for a homeschool group that serves high school students. My son is taking classes in a "co-op", and he has opportunities to play in a band or worship team, work on yearbook, go to dances, do service projects, and participate in a graduation ceremony.

 

Wendi

[amsunshine]

Here is an article someone gave me early in my home educating career. But What About Prom?

 

In reality, there are quite a few traditionally schooled students who never go to Prom or pep rallies or the like. They turn out fine. I never went to Prom. Dh didn't either, nor did he ever attend a pep rally. All of these things were created to distract kids from the mind-numbing reality of school.

 

I do have those gut-wrenching doubts from time to time, until older, wiser experienced homeschoolers remind me that we are creating different memories. I have to say that the memories that we are creating in our family have more value and meaning than spending nearly $1000 on one night.

 

ETA: However, if you feel that this is really important, many homeschool groups do put on dances for homeschooled teens. We have several to choose from. Ds17 is much like his dad in seeing them as pointless. He was quite dismayed to see one of his friends succumb to the prom pressure and abandon their little posse.

 

:thumbup1:

[bugs]

I went to my nephew's (private school) graduation over the weekend and REALLY started second-guessing my decision to homeschool thru high school. My brain tells me it's the right decision, so that my boys will have an excellent, customized education with tremendous flexibility free from public school rules/policies and a more balanced life. My heart remembers how much I LOVED high school (Friday night football games, car wash fundraisers with fellow classmates, pep rallies, prom, clubs, friends...and the awesome feeling of walking across the stage on graduation day, surrounded by teens you spent the last 4 years with thru all those good & bad high school moments).

 

Can anyone reassure me that I am not totally depriving my kids of the experience (both good and bad) that the majority of people all of the world go thru? As my nephew once said, school is more than just education (although that's the most important part).

 

Please help me kick my panic attack.

 

Just thought I might point out that you didn't mention a thing about the education part of school, you know, where you spent 6 hours a day (not to mention homework time). ;) I'm just saying...

[Julie in MN]

In reality, there are quite a few traditionally schooled students who never go to Prom or pep rallies or the like. They turn out fine. I never went to Prom. Dh didn't either, nor did he ever attend a pep rally. All of these things were created to distract kids from the mind-numbing reality of school.

 

I do have those gut-wrenching doubts from time to time, until older, wiser experienced homeschoolers remind me that we are creating different memories. I have to say that the memories that we are creating in our family have more value and meaning than spending nearly $1000 on one night.

 

ETA: However, if you feel that this is really important, many homeschool groups do put on dances for homeschooled teens. We have several to choose from. Ds17 is much like his dad in seeing them as pointless. He was quite dismayed to see one of his friends succumb to the prom pressure and abandon their little posse.

 

:iagree:

Never went to a prom or a graduation in high school here, either. I graduated early to run away from the atmosphere. There were opportunities to stand in line for a diploma in college, and some smaller colleges even had formal dances.

 

That said, my kids do like this sort of stuff. Oldest went in ps, middle was homeschooled but still somehow was allowed to join in at the ps, and youngest has been invited to some events & will probably attend large homeschool grad and/or homemade events around here.

 

The thing is that these events are basically parent-created, even in the ps. At the beginning of senior year, parents have to attend these meetings where gung-ho parents recruit you to participate in planning them. They make all the plans and tell how much everyone has to pay (and it adds up). So you can recruit & plan, too.

 

Plus the ps formal dances started to feel eerily like weddings to me, complete with photo sessions of pinning on the corsage and sharing the garter. My dh is perfectly happy that I didn't attend one of these with someone else. If you plan these outside of the ps, you'll be able to tailor them more towards your own values.

 

Julie

[lagirl]

We participate in a hs'ing co-op and it has provided lots of opportunities for things that you mentioned. Our dd went to Prom, a Fall Formal, Christmas Party, Swim Party, all sponsored by the co-op. We also attended the high school graduation ceremony which the co-op sponsored. These things were important to our dd and have added to her hs experience. The co-op is not large but it has proven to be a real plus for us.

[FaithManor]

I did not do any of these things. I studied my brains out and graduated from high school when I was 16. I turned out just fine.

 

Given the cost of proms (very rarely under $200.00 per person for tickets, clothes, etc. - tickets here are $50.00 each), many kids in our area never go either and the kids who get picked on and are not part of the popular crowd, do not go to other social events at the local schools because it's socially painful to do so. According to a dear friend who is the local high school trigonometry and physics teacher, attendance at last year's home coming dance, home coming rally, prom, and other rallies was less than 1/3 of the students eligible to attend. A lot of kids are missing out.

 

We never placed much value on this stuff, but we did do two special things for dd during high school. Her junior year my mother made her a gorgeous evening gown and my sister, her fiance, and my nephew (a very, very dear boy about nine years older than dd and one of her closest friends) took her to a four star restaurant and to Swan Lake at the Detroit Opera House (American Ballet company). We paid for the whole thing and had a friend who is an excellent photographer take some pictures. They had a wonderful evening.

 

At the end of her senior year, we held a graduation ceremony for her. My mom made another gorgeous evening gown (we hate the cape and gown thing and they are soooooo cheaply made), we invited 50 people, dd sang "Think of Me" from Phantom of the Opera, she and her dad sang a duet, she and I played a 4 hands Schubert piece, dd played a piano solo, we had a special speaker, and at the end, presented her with her diploma and we did pay a fair amount to have a beautiful embossed one made and put in an engraved presentation folder. Oh, and her dad gave her a dozen roses. We had refreshments afterward for everyone and we had a display of her academic and extra-curricular accomplishments for her guests to peruse. After the event, her closest friends and family stayed and we had ball room dancing in the living room. We did have professional photos done. That part was not cheap. But, the wallet photos were so nice to send with her graduation announcements.

 

Though ds has only begun high school, we've already discussed what to do for his commencement. We've settled on a gallery show. His artwork is really coming along and he'll also have a lot of mechanical drawings by then as well as computer games he's written which his guests can try. So, the ceremony will be some what short, but then everyone will have time to eat and really discuss his artwork with him or try a game. I doubt he cares in the least about anything remotely "promish", but there will be many opportunities through 4-H for him to attend a variety of events with groups of other high schoolers.

 

Faith

[G5052]

Two local groups do proms, homeschoolers are welcome playing/attending sports at the private schools, and there are many options for a graduation ceremony including a large state-wide one.

 

Thus far I'm just following their interests, and we'll probably pick-and-choose.

[Ellie]

Just thought I might point out that you didn't mention a thing about the education part of school, you know, where you spent 6 hours a day (not to mention homework time). ;) I'm just saying...

:iagree:

[Jen in NY]

Thanks for linking that article.... hysterical!

[Jenny in Florida]

I didn't go to my prom.

 

And, truthfully, I regret it now.

 

At the time, I thought I didn't care. I thought it was stupid.

 

But at some point during my adulthood, I began to get really wistful about not having that experience. My life hasn't yielded all that many occasions on which I can dress to the nines and feel special. Even my wedding didn't turn out that way. And nowadays, I look at my dowdy self in the mirror and wish I had taken advantage of more of those opportunities.

 

So, I work hard to find chances for my kids to have those experiences. It doesn't have to be "prom," but we do our best to provide special, rite of passage kinds of celebrations.

 

When our daughter was headed to college, we threw her a party and suggested that guests dress formally. We bought her a gown and accessories and had her picture professionally taken. We build a balloon arch and took pictures during the party of her with each of her guests. We made memories.

 

A few weeks ago, she graduated from college. As her graduation present, we're taking a family trip to New York. (Her degree is in theatre.) We're sending her and her little brother (who's taller than her now by a few inches) to the Tony Awards ceremony. She ordered the gown of her dreams, and we spent today shopping for the perfect accessories, right down to the false eyelashes. Our son is renting a tux complete with walking stick and top hat. They're both very excited. She feels special and beautiful.

 

We're making more memories.

 

We've begun talking to our son about what kind of celebration he might want when it's his turn to be done with high school. We want to make sure that he, too, gets his chance to dress up and feel special.

 

I never want either of them to feel they missed out on anything because of our decision to homeschool.

 

I'm sure that, for a lot of people, the whole prom thing wouldn't matter. (My husband, who was my boyfriend back in those days, didn't go, either, and couldn't care less.) I'm sure a lot of you are assuming that I'm a shallow, vain person because I care about missing mine. As I sit here in my elastic-waist, bought-on-clearance-sale denim shorts and stained t-shirt with no make-up and hair I dye myself (when I remember), I assure you it isn't true.

 

I see a lot of people talking about how prom is stupid and too expensive, and you're all probably right. But I think that, for a kid who wants "something," it couldn't hurt to hedge your bets and offer an alternative that won't leave them feeling regretful 30 years later.

[Nan in Mass]

Well, my first thought was that my youngest does larps (live action role playing) and has lots of opportunity to dress up LOL. But I know what you mean about opportunities to practise one's social graces. We started having formal new year's eve parties, just so we could dress up and behave formally. The clan and a few friends gather. (There is a clan plan to have formal dances when we aren't so busy with kids. Well, they probably will be something more like a contra dance but with ball gowns and kilts or tuxs.) We've marked the various occasions with family parties. I agree that the group-of-people-accomplishing-something experience is important, but it doesn't have to be car washes. Mine peacewalked instead. That even provided an opportunity to make speeches. And their pep rallies were peace rallies in NYC. Anyway, the point I am (sleepily) trying to make is that if you think about the principle behind the event, you can find other opportunities to do similar things. High school might not even be the best version of those things available. Perhaps you could make a reminder list for yourself about the other opportunities available to your children due to homeschooling, like extensive travel or volunteer or apprenticeship opportunities or the opportunity to work with a mentor?

 

-Nan

[cbollin]

My just finished 9th grader's social life thus far with big events:

 

*student leadership group at church

 

*home school spring formal/prom/banquet. Went with her best friend, best friend's family, and her dad. It was a family fun event to recognize the seniors (including her best friend). We got our dresses at used clothing store. They did their hair at home. It was great. The girls enjoyed the night out all dressed up and a nice banquet.

 

*archery, ballet for homeschool

 

*several church social events - including going to the "big rivalry football game" between the two main public high schools where most of the church high schoolers attend. Not all of the social events revolved around high school sports, but that one did. kinda funny. Other social events revolved around service projects like this Friday they will have a lock in and help finish getting the building ready for the VBS program.

 

*local city (non high school) sports. We don't have major league baseball but we have a AAA feeder. Why not just go there? Or college games? or have a sports fan party. Let's face it, in USA, most adult sport fans do pep rallies at home in front of the big screen with a bag of nachos or whatever. So, be a host home to the parties.

 

*she's planning to be student leader for the middle school camp at church (I don't blame her.. the middle schoolers including her younger sister are heading near a beach!)

 

*has a missions trip scheduled next week. eek! Her dad is going with her too.

 

So little of that would be possible if she were in group school settings. Sure sure... she'd have football games and/or basketball games at the school, but honestly, we can attend those now if we want. We aren't that interested for the most part.

 

We watched several of the homeschool basketball games when they were playing private school opponents near to us. That was fun. but then again, we have a big sports league of homeschoolers in memphis.

 

So, you can go to those games. I did that as a high school student but found that most of my friends just wanted to wander around the stadium and didn't care about the game. :confused:

then I got a job and couldn't do that. I never played sports in high school. My homeschooled child has a sports letter in Archery. Welcome to TN, where we know our hunting and fishing.

 

Keep homeschooling in high school. oh yeah.. we really enjoyed the home school graduation ceremony a few weeks ago. It was large! I think I counted 114 names? wow.

 

Back in my old state, graduation ceremonies were more personalized. Got to attend those too.

 

Keep homeschooling. Remember, not all children who attend group schools get to attend Prom, or pep rallies.

 

I'd just use this incident as a reminder that part of a well rounded life goes beyond the quality academics that we have in homeschooling and needs to include some social life that might not be defined by Events in large group settings centered around sports, or special clothing.

 

-crystal

[AHASRADA]

I agree that it is important to create memories, either as a family or with a circle of friends (or both), but none of these have to necessarily revolve around school.

 

You have positive memories of experiences from school, which is great for you, but so many of us don't. It is not the simple fact of attending or not attending school that makes great memories; it is the experiences and the people you share them with that create the memories.

 

I'm sure if you stepped back and looked at your positive school experience objectively, you will see that it was all about the relationships, and not the school-specific activities per se. If the friendship dynamic hadn't been there, the experience wouldn't have been so memorable, and vice versa. This is the case for so many bullied kids, those who don't fit in, introverts, etc., who would describe the activities you mentioned (prom, pep rallies) as more of a nightmare to be repressed than a pleasant cherished memory.

 

Yes, as a homeschooling parent you have to make an effort to create these experiences for your kids, since they are not pre-packaged for them in a school environment. However, you are in the best position, knowing your children, their friends, their interests, their sensibilities, to guide them to activities and situations that are most likely to create life-long positive memories for them.

[Julie in MN]

I didn't go to my prom.

 

And, truthfully, I regret it now.

 

At the time, I thought I didn't care. I thought it was stupid.

 

But at some point during my adulthood, I began to get really wistful about not having that experience. My life hasn't yielded all that many occasions on which I can dress to the nines and feel special. Even my wedding didn't turn out that way. And nowadays, I look at my dowdy self in the mirror and wish I had taken advantage of more of those opportunities.

 

Aw, Jenny, you could go on a cruise. We did that for our 20th anniversary, and got treated as royalty.

 

And wow on the occasions you're creating for your kids.

Julie

[MyThreeSons]

We don't attend our co-op for these reasons, but my sons have had a chance to experience all that you've described.

 

Well, not pep rallies directly, but there are homeschool sports teams on which they're participated and for which they've rooted.

 

There were at least two homeschool high school formals this Spring, and a bunch of kids meet weekly for swing dancing.

 

There is a homeschool service club which does fundraisers and service projects for worthy organizations.

 

Ds was also on both newspaper and yearbook staffs, and the boys do have yearbooks for each year of high school.

 

17yos just graduated with his co-op class in a cap-and-gown ceremony. It was one of many in the area.

Edited June 7, 2011 by MyThreeSons
addition

[Quiver0f10]

My 18 year old just graduated from our homeschool. He went to prom and had a very nice graduation ceremony( gap and gown and all lol) with 14 other homeschooled kids. :D

[Mom0012]

I did not do any of these things. I studied my brains out and graduated from high school when I was 16. I turned out just fine.

 

Given the cost of proms (very rarely under $200.00 per person for tickets, clothes, etc. - tickets here are $50.00 each), many kids in our area never go either and the kids who get picked on and are not part of the popular crowd, do not go to other social events at the local schools because it's socially painful to do so. According to a dear friend who is the local high school trigonometry and physics teacher, attendance at last year's home coming dance, home coming rally, prom, and other rallies was less than 1/3 of the students eligible to attend. A lot of kids are missing out.

 

We never placed much value on this stuff, but we did do two special things for dd during high school. Her junior year my mother made her a gorgeous evening gown and my sister, her fiance, and my nephew (a very, very dear boy about nine years older than dd and one of her closest friends) took her to a four star restaurant and to Swan Lake at the Detroit Opera House (American Ballet company). We paid for the whole thing and had a friend who is an excellent photographer take some pictures. They had a wonderful evening.

 

At the end of her senior year, we held a graduation ceremony for her. My mom made another gorgeous evening gown (we hate the cape and gown thing and they are soooooo cheaply made), we invited 50 people, dd sang "Think of Me" from Phantom of the Opera, she and her dad sang a duet, she and I played a 4 hands Schubert piece, dd played a piano solo, we had a special speaker, and at the end, presented her with her diploma and we did pay a fair amount to have a beautiful embossed one made and put in an engraved presentation folder. Oh, and her dad gave her a dozen roses. We had refreshments afterward for everyone and we had a display of her academic and extra-curricular accomplishments for her guests to peruse. After the event, her closest friends and family stayed and we had ball room dancing in the living room. We did have professional photos done. That part was not cheap. But, the wallet photos were so nice to send with her graduation announcements.

 

Though ds has only begun high school, we've already discussed what to do for his commencement. We've settled on a gallery show. His artwork is really coming along and he'll also have a lot of mechanical drawings by then as well as computer games he's written which his guests can try. So, the ceremony will be some what short, but then everyone will have time to eat and really discuss his artwork with him or try a game. I doubt he cares in the least about anything remotely "promish", but there will be many opportunities through 4-H for him to attend a variety of events with groups of other high schoolers.

 

Faith

 

Wow, Faith! What lovely ideas you have.

 

Lisa

[Jenny in Florida]

..........

Edited June 7, 2011 by Jenny in Florida

[Jenny in Florida]

Aw, Jenny, you could go on a cruise. We did that for our 20th anniversary, and got treated as royalty.

 

And wow on the occasions you're creating for your kids.

Julie

 

Thanks, but it's no longer fun to dress up this rather dowdy body of mine.

 

But, yes, my kids have had some great opportunities. Sometimes, I think they might even appreciate them!

[Brigid in NC]

My heart remembers how much I LOVED high school (Friday night football games, car wash fundraisers with fellow classmates, pep rallies, prom, clubs, friends...and the awesome feeling of walking across the stage on graduation day, surrounded by teens you spent the last 4 years with thru all those good & bad high school moments).

 

Can anyone reassure me that I am not totally depriving my kids of the experience (both good and bad) that the majority of people all of the world go thru?

 

Lisa, I had the VERY same concerns, years ago (I also put the school yearbook in my list of "but what about . . ."). I knew the school part of homeschooling was just where we all wanted and needed to be, but the "extras" worried me. If you are involved with other homeschoolers, you can "build" these things together.

 

For Sports: We have robust homeschool athletics opportunities in our area, thanks to the efforts of families who wanted them for their kids. It started with a team or two, and grew and grew. Now my son's homeschool soccer team plays a full schedule against other homeschool teams and private Christian school teams. (There is also baseball, football, volleyball, swimming -- and probably others I am forgetting about.) Our state-wide organization now sponsors these teams. You might check with your state organization to see if there is something similar going on.

 

The Prom: There are several homeschool proms in our area each year. I have helped with one, and this year we had 115 attendees. So it was a REAL prom (actually MUCH nicer in so many ways than what the ps counterparts get). These proms have started small, and grown tremendously! If you build it, they will come!

 

Graduation ceremonies: A graduation is held each year at our state-wide convention (it's huge -- broken into two groups). There are also a couple of smaller, local graduation ceremonies, run but parents and by an academic resource center (for students that have taken at least one class there). Some parents have organized small, meaningful graduation ceremonies with ~20 grads, and hosted them at their church.

 

Honor Society: We also have several homeschool honor societies in our area. A terrific service-related, transcript-enhancing activity that allows a large group of high schoolers to get together monthly. We have 62 members in our group this year, and ours is not the only homeschool honor society in our area. I know of at least one other locally that is our size or bigger.

 

These are examples of activities that have been created by moms and dads just like you. There are lots of other folks -- like you -- who want similar experience for their kids. It just takes finding those folks and working together to create these events. If they don't exist in your area, you may want to start them. You'll be amazed at how they will grow, and become a blessing to so many. Best of luck. :)

Edited June 7, 2011 by Brigid in NC

[cathmom]

My oldest attended a homeschool prom, which he enjoyed very much, and we had a graduation Mass for him, said by his priest friend, attended by many of his friends and personalized just for him. I think that was more meaningful than being one in a crowd. A friend of mine just had her second dc graduate, and both times they had graduation ceremonies/parties with several other graduating homeschooled friends. That way the parents could share the food prep/rental cost/etc.

 

Pep rallies were like stupid assemblies at my high school...I mean, really? LOL What were yours like that you remember them so fondly??

[beachnut]

THANK YOU, everyone, for talking me down off the ledge. ;)

 

I guess because I have such good memories of the social part of my high school years, I was feeling guilty that my boys wouldn't experience the same thing. (Cathmom -- our pep rallies WERE kind of like assemblies, but fun -- we got to skip the last class on a Friday afternoon, sit next to our friends in the auditorium, listen to some songs from the marching band, and cheer for our football team with cheers/songs like Queen's "We Will Rock You." I'm sure some of my fellow classmates probably didn't like the pep rallies, but it was a great way to end a school week.)

 

And, as for prom, I, of course, was thinking wistfully of my 1980s-style prom, not the prom of today that costs mega-bucks.

 

Anyway, as many of you pointed out (and my brain knows to be true anyway), going to public or private school does not mean you will participate in many of these activities even if they are available, or enjoy them even if you do participate.

 

I really appreciate all the great suggestions on how to recreate similar experiences (with a homeschool slant) for my new high schooler. Thank you, again!

[Ann@thebeach]

I think it depends on your child. My son would not care for these activities at all so he's not going to miss them. He WILL love the fact that he got to "apprentice" with a house builder and spend time with his dad in the evenings instead of hours of homework.

 

My DD would love these activities so I'll probably seek out some of these through a homeschool group or other social group.

 

I think the number of kids that really enjoy these "traditional American school events" are a small minority. I think it's so socially accepted and highlighted that it appears like the norm, but in my hs class of 600+ kids, maybe 100 went to prom.

 

I just think it's over-rated. ;)

[justamouse]

Well, I think it depends on how you see those experiences. I DO think children need rites of passages, but I don't think that all of those need to be from the school. There are many ways to provide them, both secular and religious.

[RENEEinVA]

Okay, I'm on the other side of the fence (mind you, I have not read all of the posts). I think homeschooled kids can experience many of these rites of passage, if they want to. My older dd is a shining example of a homeschooled kid (who loves being homeschooled) who attends Friday night football games and dances. She just went to the prom last Saturday with a good friend of hers who attends public school. She had a wonderful time. She is also perfectly content to just hang out with her family on weekends.:) My husband and I think it's funny that we homeschool our kids and yet they are busier socially than any of their private/public-schooled friends. You can be reassured that I had the same worries when we first started out, but everything has turned out just fine.

[QueenCat]

Some of these things exist in the homeschool community. Two homeschool groups in our area put on proms. One more formal than the other. There are clubs galore via homeschool groups. Friends can be found at homeschool groups, tutorials, co-ops plus all the regular extracurricular activities like sports teams, dance, gymnastics, church, etc. My son had the choice of two different graduation ceremonies to participate in via our tutorial and a local homeschool group.

[Holly IN]

Here in Indiana we have a statewide prom that started this year. It was started by two homeschool girls for their school project. It was a huge success. Catered dinner, old style and new style dancing, and very enjoyable atmosphere. My son went with a girl (we required him to have a date for the prom otherwise he is not allowed to go). He had a blast. We were able to go the last 30 min and watch. It was so much better than what my hubby's prom was (I was his date).

These two girls are doing it again for next year.

 

Perhaps you can ask around about prom in your state. If nobody is organizing it then perhaps you can get together with other moms to start one up in your state.

 

We were very impressed how these two girls pulled the whole thing off. It was well coordinated.

 

They do have a facebook page "Heartland homeschool prom". If you like them you can see the prom pictures. My son is in several pictures. YOu can probably email them via FB and ask how they did it.

 

Holly

[rlugbill]

I have a completely different perspective on this.

 

One of the reasons we don't want our dd to go to public school is precisely because of all the high school hoopla you describe. When I was in high school, I knew it was ridiculous how much emphasis was placed on football games, cheerleaders, homecoming queens, proms, pep rallies, etc. I was one of the geeks and maybe I still am.

 

All of that detracts from the educational mission of the school, IMHO. Somehow, high school in this country is all about football and cheerleaders and gossip and popular culture and fashion and drama and dating. Anything but what a school is supposed to be about- learning.

 

Other countries do not do this. Except for PE class, sports are done outside school in clubs or informally in most other countries. Other countries don't have jocks parading the hallways in letter jackets acting like they are God's gift. They don't have cheerleaders or pep rallies or proms.

 

So, I consider it an advantage of homeschooling not to have to deal with this anti-academic atmosphere that pervades most public high schools in this country. It's not something you are depriving your children of- it's a benefit to your children that they don't have to try to learn when they are in a culture that de-values academics. They don't have to be told they are "geeks" or "nerds" because they actually want to learn instead of just "hanging out" or acting "cool".

 

That said, my dd will go to a private school for high school after being homeschooled all along. The school is an excellent school that has some social events, but isn't as dumbed-down as the average public school. The atmosphere isn't anti-intellectual.

 

We are paying a lot of money we can't afford just to avoid all the hoopla you talk about. It is worth it to me to pay just to keep our dd from getting sucked into the popular mindset of high school, where it isn't what you know that matters, it's who you are dating and how cool you are. She won't be peer-pressured into believing that her hair is more important than her grades or that the prom is more important than her exams.

 

Rather than bemoaning the loss of the hoopla, we pay extra in order to avoid it.

[Sushi's Mom]

My daughter is not of high school age (she's 9), but she is super busy with many activities. The homeschoolers in our are have lots of opportunities to be part of a group. There are several homeschool groups in our area, both secular and religious.

 

Music: We have several music schools in our area that offer singing and instrumental lessons, as well as choruses and orchestras. One can also find fiddling groups, marching bands through the fire departments, etc. My daughter does violin and chorus. Her chorus just participated in a competition and came in first place and she was given a certificate for outstanding soloist.

 

Book clubs. We belong to two. One through the homeschool group and one from the library.

 

My daughter just started a newsletter for her Catholic group. The kids email her their writing and art work, photos, etc, and she combines it and she will send out a monthly newsletter in PDF format (she's working on issue 2 right now.)

 

Sports. Our homeschool group has a weekly gym class, karate. The secular group gets together for soccer, baseball, and karate. We also sign up for classes through our community center and my daughter likes to go to the YMCA and is making friends there.

 

We also do a girl's group with our Catholic group. That group also has a boy's club and a youth group for the older kids. They do service projects. The boy's group does things like geocaching, hiking, building things, etc. Once a month we get together and do a co-op. The kid's eat lunch together and do classes. We have gym, sign language, social time, music or art, etc. The high schoolers do things, but I don't know exactly what. Some of the dads are college professors and sometimes they will teach a class at their house for the older kids.

 

Our Catholic group also does a graduation Mass for the kindergarten, eighth, and high schoolers. I know the LEAH group also does a large graduation.

 

Joining a homeschool group, or forming one if you cannot find one, is such a valuable way to get the kids together and to form friendships. It is also great for the parents. You now have a support network. People to call on to watch your kids, bring meals after a new baby arrives or a loved one dies. Mom's night out opportunity. I don't think we could do this without being a part of our wonderful group. If you don't know of groups, start asking around. Ask everyone you know, even if they don't homeschool; they probably know someone that does. Search google and yahoo groups (search for: homeschool group your city/state), as the pediatrician, I'm sure you can find a group.

Edited June 10, 2011 by Sushi's Mom

[cathmom]

I have a completely different perspective on this.

 

One of the reasons we don't want our dd to go to public school is precisely because of all the high school hoopla you describe. When I was in high school, I knew it was ridiculous how much emphasis was placed on football games, cheerleaders, homecoming queens, proms, pep rallies, etc. I was one of the geeks and maybe I still am.

 

All of that detracts from the educational mission of the school, IMHO. Somehow, high school in this country is all about football and cheerleaders and gossip and popular culture and fashion and drama and dating. Anything but what a school is supposed to be about- learning.

 

Other countries do not do this. Except for PE class, sports are done outside school in clubs or informally in most other countries. Other countries don't have jocks parading the hallways in letter jackets acting like they are God's gift. They don't have cheerleaders or pep rallies or proms.

 

So, I consider it an advantage of homeschooling not to have to deal with this anti-academic atmosphere that pervades most public high schools in this country. It's not something you are depriving your children of- it's a benefit to your children that they don't have to try to learn when they are in a culture that de-values academics. They don't have to be told they are "geeks" or "nerds" because they actually want to learn instead of just "hanging out" or acting "cool".

 

That said, my dd will go to a private school for high school after being homeschooled all along. The school is an excellent school that has some social events, but isn't as dumbed-down as the average public school. The atmosphere isn't anti-intellectual.

 

We are paying a lot of money we can't afford just to avoid all the hoopla you talk about. It is worth it to me to pay just to keep our dd from getting sucked into the popular mindset of high school, where it isn't what you know that matters, it's who you are dating and how cool you are. She won't be peer-pressured into believing that her hair is more important than her grades or that the prom is more important than her exams.

 

Rather than bemoaning the loss of the hoopla, we pay extra in order to avoid it.

 

Good points! I agree!

[LuvingLife]

You know, I used to think a lot about this too, what about prom, homecoming, graduation ceremonies and things like this? Why are my parents doing this to me? But then it hit me, life is not all about prom and all those other things. While it is a lot of fun and can be a big part of your life what will your kids gain from it? A job? Scholarship money, a car? No so instead of focusing on that, why not put more effort into their education which is worth a lot more than homecoming and prom and car washes. I can participate in all of those things and more thorugh homeschooling groups and volunteering. I can have a job, volunteer, play in an orchestra, have fun with friends, have family time, participate in sports, and still get an amazing education, (of course I don't do all those things at once, but spanned across the school year).

 

Now how many public school kids can say that while maintaining a good education and still having time for family?:D

[anne1456]

I have one daughter who just graduated as a homeschooler and one daughter who attends public high school. The way I look at it they are both missing out on things because of their choices, just different things. My oldest hasn't had the opportunity to do things like a French class field trip to Quebec City or a high school play. My youngest will miss out on the chance to set her own schedule and spend more time volunteering. But they are both happy with the choices they made, and understand that you can't have everything.

[Sushi's Mom]

Check around your town for acting opportunities for your homeschooler. Check the colleges and children's thearpther leagues. Our area has lots. Many homeschool teens I know of regularly participate in on-stage productions. You can also find lots of summer camps. My daughter will be in a Wizard of Oz summer camp.

[4wildberrys]

You and your kids will ONLY miss this if it actually matters to you and them! None of those things mattered to me----I never went to prom nor experienced or enjoyed ANY of the other activities you mention---with the exception of high school graduation which I wish I could have NOT gone to :001_huh: Thankfully, my kids have no interest in these types of popularity contests----especially since dh never participated or had any interest in them either growing up. Like pp's have said---you could look around to see if there are homeschool equivalents if your kids really want to be a part of these things ;)

[4wildberrys]

I have a completely different perspective on this.

 

One of the reasons we don't want our dd to go to public school is precisely because of all the high school hoopla you describe. When I was in high school, I knew it was ridiculous how much emphasis was placed on football games, cheerleaders, homecoming queens, proms, pep rallies, etc. I was one of the geeks and maybe I still am.

 

All of that detracts from the educational mission of the school, IMHO. Somehow, high school in this country is all about football and cheerleaders and gossip and popular culture and fashion and drama and dating. Anything but what a school is supposed to be about- learning.

 

Other countries do not do this. Except for PE class, sports are done outside school in clubs or informally in most other countries. Other countries don't have jocks parading the hallways in letter jackets acting like they are God's gift. They don't have cheerleaders or pep rallies or proms.

 

So, I consider it an advantage of homeschooling not to have to deal with this anti-academic atmosphere that pervades most public high schools in this country. It's not something you are depriving your children of- it's a benefit to your children that they don't have to try to learn when they are in a culture that de-values academics. They don't have to be told they are "geeks" or "nerds" because they actually want to learn instead of just "hanging out" or acting "cool".

 

That said, my dd will go to a private school for high school after being homeschooled all along. The school is an excellent school that has some social events, but isn't as dumbed-down as the average public school. The atmosphere isn't anti-intellectual.

 

We are paying a lot of money we can't afford just to avoid all the hoopla you talk about. It is worth it to me to pay just to keep our dd from getting sucked into the popular mindset of high school, where it isn't what you know that matters, it's who you are dating and how cool you are. She won't be peer-pressured into believing that her hair is more important than her grades or that the prom is more important than her exams.

 

Rather than bemoaning the loss of the hoopla, we pay extra in order to avoid it.

 

:iagree: I really wish there was a 'Like' button--because this gets a Double Like too ;)

[johnandtinagilbert]

but my first thought is never make an important decision based on emotional responses. Your nostalgia has nothing to do what the purposes of an education (the ones you mentioned).

 

Find a co-op or state organization that offers all these things!

 

Can he dual enroll at the high school and enjoy any extra-curric benefits?

 

I did all those things you mentioned and while I enjoyed them and I can look back at them fondly, none of them Really Matter At All in my adult life --- not at all.

 

Just my 2 cents.

[laughing lioness]

In our co-op several of the parents got together and host/serve a formal dinner/dance each spring for high school students. There is a small fee ($10 I think) Kids have to wear "church clothes" and the girls often get together that aftenoon to dress up together and take pictures. It is played like a mystery dinner and the kids have a blast. Thsi is the same group that does ballroom dancing at a local dance studio 2x's a month so they know how to dance ;)Good, clean fun!

[Guest NordicBlue]

Our oldest just completed his homeschooling program, which did offer a graduation ceremony, though he chose not to participate (it's in another state). Back in April, he attended a local Catholic high school's prom with a young lady from the youth group at our church. He's been invited to that school's football games by the kids in youth group and "hanging out" after the game or on Friday nights for pizza. Just because one is homeschooled doesn't mean they cannot attend a prom or sporting events with friends they have outside their homeschooling circle.

 

But honestly, who is to say that your high schooler would actually want to attend prom, football games, etc, even if he/she did attend a "brick and mortar" school? They may be one of those kids who could care less if they went or not. Don't let the fear of them not attending one of those events keep you from homeschooling.

Edited June 14, 2011 by NordicBlue

[ma23peas]

There are proms, dances, local parades, even senior trip activities foe homeschoolers (I would like to know why 'homes hookers' is what the iPad substitutes for the plural of homeschoolers! Ah,now that I have written it once it allows it...not liking iPad!)

But in all reality those things have only existed for 100 years if not less. Times change and so do traditions..why not look at the ones we have created! We can travel most anytime of the year, it has allowed our family to get amazing deals to England and the Mediterranean...we have studied history with the amazing benefit of seeing it in person.

I think others feel the way you do, and those options will be there, but keep in mind the advantages or perks we have that we overlook! One of mine is calling a picnic day on the most gorgeous weather days just because we can!

[Mommyfaithe]

I went to my nephew's (private school) graduation over the weekend and REALLY started second-guessing my decision to homeschool thru high school. My brain tells me it's the right decision, so that my boys will have an excellent, customized education with tremendous flexibility free from public school rules/policies and a more balanced life. My heart remembers how much I LOVED high school (Friday night football games, car wash fundraisers with fellow classmates, pep rallies, prom, clubs, friends...and the awesome feeling of walking across the stage on graduation day, surrounded by teens you spent the last 4 years with thru all those good & bad high school moments).

 

Can anyone reassure me that I am not totally depriving my kids of the experience (both good and bad) that the majority of people all of the world go thru? As my nephew once said, school is more than just education (although that's the most important part).

 

Please help me kick my panic attack.

 

My girls never had any desire to go to the prom. They were invited but didn't want to go....

 

My oldest son however went to 2 proms and countless other school dances as a date to the girl in the school. He loves social outings and was always invited to school functions....

 

Just being home schooled does not necessarily mean being cut off from all public and private schooled kids. As a matter of fact, my son enjoyed socials and dances in several counties and in NYC....he is a social networked and has friends all over!

 

Faithe

[Kris in Wis]

You received some excellent replies to your question already, so I won't reiterate what has already been said.

 

Except to say that homeschooling is and should be about education and preparing your children for life. High school is a totally separate culture from "real life" with it's cliques, comparisons, and comptetition. The things you mention in your post have nothing to do with education.

 

I always tell my children I want them to be the best YOU they can be, not by comparison to someone else, but according to their own character and achievements.

 

Our local homeschool support group has a graduation ceremony. Two of my children participated; one chose not to. For her, we're having our own celebration/open house. We will showcase her achievements throughout highschool, present a diploma, and celebrate her accomplishment with family and friends (the people who really matter in life!).

 

All my children experienced a rich social life during their years of homeschooling. Several played soccer through a local organization; they learned music and martial arts; one child is a Boy Scout; one studied ballet for 6 years; one worked a part-time job throughout high school; they all traveled, were active in church, and made many lasting friendships with people of a variety of ages.

 

Your student will miss nothing. Opportunities abound - you only have to find them!

 

Good luck and God bless!