Could you give up the internet?

[ciyates]

This is a hard decision. DH really wants the house paid off in 3 years. I am tired of this battle and am half heartedly willing to submit to him. I had not realized how big an issue the internet was for him. He hates having it in the house, along with the cable. He also hates the computers. I have tried to show him it is useful in homeschooling but he doesn't see it. I don't think this is about the internet but really me willing to submit. I do everything on the internet. DS has an online class that wraps up this week so the deadline to get rid of it is close. Could you give it up? How do I still do what I do on the net without having it in the home? How do I make him see the value?

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

No. It is how I access the library, maps, schedules of museums, etc. It is an invaluable tool in homeschooling.

[J-rap]

...

Edited September 11, 2023 by J-rap

[Starr]

Others on the board have done it with regular trips to the library and coffee shops with wifi. Would he be happy if you didn't use it when he was home?

[SailorMom]

I could give up the social aspects (ie facebook - which i did give up for over a year)- but email is how I communicate with the Boy Scout Troop - I am the Committee Chair for, I take online classes, and we use it extensively for homschooling since our local library is pitiful. My DH is also deployed 6 months out of the year and email is pretty much the only way we can communicate.

 

I don't know about the submission aspect - I wouldn 't presume to - but if it is something you really do use in a productive manner, I would certainly consider discussing it more thouroughly.

[Twilight Woods]

No.

[Crispa]

Could he give up his car? Could you do without indoor plumbing instead?

[nono]

Yes, if it meant my home was to be paid off in 3 years. But, realize, my library is only a couple blocks away, so I could use its connection to access. If I were slightly closer, I could use their WiFi from my house. :D

 

To your actual question, which is how do you convince him to see the value, my answer is YOU DON'T. Do as he requests. When he realizes that you are lost without, or you realize you are not lost without, then you move forward with a decision as to whether or not you can function without it for 3 years in your home.

 

:grouphug:

[G5052]

My part-time jobs all require in because some of the work is from home; one said only DSL or cable access from home, no dialup or satellite.

 

We watch Netflix online instead of satellite/cable, so that would be out too.

[Carol in Cal.]

Maybe you should try to separate these issues a bit.

 

One issue is becoming debt free. That is a wonderful and worthy goal. If you are really within 3 years of even being free of your mortgage, that is great. I know it's important to question EVERY expense when you're in that process. I have to say, though, that this is a small one (although they do add up, and all must be questioned) and it's got some significant functional value. Leading to the second issue:

 

Is your internet use and that of the children all or mostly productive and helpful to your work and family? I think that that bears some consideration and thoughtfulness. Why does your DH hate the internet and computers in the home? Does he not use them for his job, and so are they intimidating to him? Is he worried about screen time? Time wasting? Online p*rn or relationships hurting the family? What is really the issue? And is it reasonable and valid?

 

I say this as one who has real reservations about TV addiction in my DH and DD, and who has often heard comments about nature shows and educational TV being the real goal, but has noticed an alarming focus on bad sitcoms whenever we are on vacation and have cable (which we don't at our home.) I think it's important to look seriously at our computer and screen use every so often. They are VERY seductive, and not usually to our benefit. (Having said this, I have not nagged my DH to get rid of the TV completely in our home, even though that would have always been my preference. I made the case, but I would not have forced the issue as a deal-breaker, although it's my STRONG preference. I feel like it would have been disrespectful to take it any further.)

 

Another issue is whether you make this decision together or not. If I had a major homeschooling tool that was in regular use and not particularly expensive suddenly put into jeopardy on a whim, I would need to be convinced pretty thoroughly in order not to feel extremely resentful about it. I don't think it's reasonable to make this a pure submission issue--I think it's a 'do I have the tools to do my job or not?' issue. And, I'm not real keen on 'pure submission issues' to start with, as I think that someone pushing on something mostly as a control issue is abusing their position.

Edited May 23, 2011 by Carol in Cal.

[amy g.]

Yes, I'd give it up, and my kids know it.

 

If they ever break my rules about screen time, I'll cut off the internet in a heartbeat.

 

This knowledge keeps them in line.

[kchara]

No. Absolutely not. There's no way in life I could function. I'd be without any sort of support (all of my friends are online, I have no IRL friends), I wouldn't be able to keep up with my family, and our schooling would suffer.

[melissel]

With my phone, the library/Starbucks/B&N/Panera, etc., yes, I could do it. It would hurt badly, but I could do it for three years. However, we need it for work (I work from home, and DH does some work at home most days), so it wouldn't make sense for us.

 

Do you use it in any moneymaking capacity? Does he use it to work at home at all? Can you get a smartphone instead? Can you switch to a lower rate for a year or so? Can you call your current provider and threaten to switch, and then save the extra money from some other budget?

 

I realize it's probably more a philosophical thing for him, which I can see. I feel that way about our TVs and DH's iPad (:glare:), but I would never force him to get rid of them. And if you truly feel you need it, I wouldn't cave to him just because he's the husband. You're allowed to feel strongly about your position too.

 

ETA: I feel the need to add that I'm not a Christian, and I have major issues with the wifely submission dynamic, so take my response FWIW to you. I might try going without just to see if it might work for us, but for the financial reasons, not the "submission for submission's sake" reasons.

 

Also, if his argument if purely financial, then I would argue that I'd end up spending more in Starbucks costs, gas, and possibly even library fines than we do in Internet costs.

Edited May 23, 2011 by melissel

[TammyinTN]

No way...I would die. ;) I use it to stay in touch with family daily and loads of researching.

[Perry]

I could if I had to but it would make life difficult and would really be a hardship.

 

How much money would it save? How long until the house is paid off if you keep internet? Does the difference really matter in the long run?

 

What sacrifice is your husband willing to make? I would be very unhappy if my dh asked me to give up the internet if he wasn't willing to give up something equally important.

[twoforjoy]

I've toyed with the idea, but I don't think we could, practically. When I teach, e-mail is how I stay in contact with students outside of class and I use Blackboard on a daily basis for coursework. I use the internet as a homeschooling resource very often. And, my husband also uses the internet for work at home, and without it he'd probably have to spend more time in the lab than he does. It's also how we stay in touch with our parents, who live in different states.

 

For us, it would be more like what going without a phone (before you could use the internet as a phone) would have been like a few years ago, than going without TV. Sometimes I think I'd love to get rid of it, because it does hold so many potentials for distraction, but it's too integral to our work lives at this point.

 

There are a number of other things I'd cut before I'd cut the internet. Honestly, given our lifestyle (we live in a city and work walking distance from home and do most of what we do within walking distance), it would be more practical, and interfere less with our work lives, for us to give up our car than to give up the internet.

 

Is it really about the finances (in our case, we spend about $35/month on internet access, so giving it up for 3 years would save us $1260 total), or is it about your husband being unhappy with the amount of time your family is spending online? Maybe if you addressed the issue of the time spent online, and how it's spent, he'd be less likely to make a financial issue out of it.

Edited May 23, 2011 by twoforjoy

[secular_mom]

I 'could', but I think it would be sad to do so- we use the internet to access SO much information and it helps me connect with friends I otherwise just wouldn't connect with so I count it as my social outlet which I need for my mental health as a busy SAH HSing mom. I would have to live within walking distance of a library or have a laptop with wireless so I could access the internet at Starbucks or something if we didn't have internet access at home. But we don't have cable TV, don't watch regular TV at all (can't stand commercial television, it drives us all nuts) we just use Netflix and buy DVDs instead. Ditching regular TV helped our sanity a lot so I would ask DH to compromise by just ditching the TV for now to see how things improve.

I'd ask him what is it specifically about the internet that he hates so much- is it that you all don't seem to be connecting with each other because of too much internet usage? Is it some crazy conspiracy theory? LOL

I'd look for other ways to solve any problems he has with it because it really can make HSing so much easier, especially those times when you are feeling isolated.

[justamouse]

The internet wouldn't be the part that made me mad-I often take a week off, in the summer I am hardly on and if I do, it's because I feel guilty that many friends think I dropped off the face of the earth and they need me to reach out to them. But the submission thing is a deal breaker.

 

And, frankly, that bill (cable I can see) will not help enormously with the house being paid off. I think he just wants some control.

Edited May 23, 2011 by justamouse

[LibraryLover]

In reading your post, it's not giving up internet to save money which is bothering me, it's his dismissive attitude toward your need/desire re working on the internet for school or other things. You're an adult, an equal in a marraige; you don't have to justify wanting to use a tool helpul to your daily life. I think his negativity towards something important/useful to you is where I would be scratching my head.

Edited May 23, 2011 by LibraryLover

[twoforjoy]

Others on the board have done it with regular trips to the library and coffee shops with wifi. Would he be happy if you didn't use it when he was home?

 

My local library has a 1 hour daily internet limit. If somebody was taking an online class or using the internet for research purposes, that might not be sufficient.

[melissel]

My local library has a 1 hour daily internet limit. If somebody was taking an online class or using the internet for research purposes, that might not be sufficient.

 

Even if you're using your laptop via Wi-Fi? Or does your library not have Wi-Fi?

[justamouse]

In reading your post, it's not giving up internet to save money which is bothering me, it's his dismissive attitude toward your need/desire re working on the internet for school or other things. You're an adult, an equal in a marraige; you don't have to justify wanting to use a tool helpul to your daily life. I think his negativity towards something important/useful to you is where I would be scratching my head.

 

Yes! This. I didn't quite say it as well in my post.

[Amira]

There's a lot I'm living without right now, but we have internet access. The only things that are more important to me than the internet are a stove in the kitchen, hot water and a shower in the bathroom, and a washing machine. An indoor toilet, a fridge, a kitchen sink, a dryer, a TV, a phone, and lots of other things are less important to me than the internet.

 

So no, the internet won't be cut, even though our internet access isn't anything like what people in the US are used to.

[Impish]

I don't get why he'd want to hobble the children's education in such a manner.

[twoforjoy]

Even if you're using your laptop via Wi-Fi? Or does your library not have Wi-Fi?

 

That's a good question; I'm not sure. I'm pretty sure that if you log in using your library account, you only get one hour, but I'm not sure if there's wifi access and if you have to log in to use it or not.

 

We live in a city, and I think the concern is that people would come in and spend the entire day on the computer, keeping others from using it (and sometimes not being very pleasant to the patrons there to look at books).

[Danestress]

I would really voice my objections!

 

Homeschooling is my job, and the internet is primary resource for doing that job. Especially with classes online, I think it is a necessary part of doing the job well.

 

Just as I would not go to DH's workplace and suggest he sell his desk so that we could put that money toward our mortgage, I would not appreciate him pressuring me to give up something that I consider fundamental to doing my job well.

 

That said, if he hates the internet and his asking you to give it up, perhaps you should feel out whether he would compromise on how much you are using it and when. If he feels you are on it all day, wasting time, or not giving him the attention he wants, maybe you could work out those issues?

[lmrich]

NO.

and if you have communicated that clearly to him he is not honoring you.

 

Seriously internet has become integral to how we live these days. My kids are in several activities that only communicate via email. I could get rid of my phones and cable in a heartbeat, but unless I lived conveniently to free wifi signal, forget it.

[BatmansWife]

Yes I could. We've had our computer crash too many times to count. One time we were without if for a couple of months, because we couldn't afford to fix it. It's hard at first. But, actually I really liked it. I'd just go to the library a couple times a week (we go there anyway) and I could check this site and my hotmail. I could check everything, and e-mail my mom, and be off in like 20 - 30 minutes. I already feel I spend too much time on the internet, and it's not even close to how much time other people are spending. If it weren't for trying to sell on eBay, I would be ok without it. Cable too. We got rid of it and we only have 4 channels (one of which is the weather channel....so it doesn't really count). I can still get The Office, American Idol, Monk, Everybody Loves Raymond (that's really all we watch). It's an adjustment at first...but it's fine and I'm soooo glad we got rid of all those channels. One thing that helps is to add up what you pay for internet and cable per month and times that by 12. It's really amazing how much money is put into these things each year. I know a lot of people who think they could never give these things up. But, we never had these things when we were kids....and we were just fine.

[TravelingChris]

No because I do my banking online and wouldn't want to do that in the library. Also, I save time by online shopping versus traveling and shopping locally. In our case, we do lots of communication online with scouts, church, co-op, soccer, swim and dive, etc, etc. It would be a total waste of time to have to travel to a library or some other place to conduct my business. Finally, my one d needs the internet to get ready for college (placement tests, figuring out schedule with the catalogs and schedules that are available only on line) and the other needs to do some of her schoolwork online. Also, many of our doctors require online access for things like getting refills.

[Abecedarianmama]

I've been considering this also. First in terms of submission and respect, if he is asking you to I would.

 

I would also look at a compromise, could you switch to dial up or a cheaper service? Our company has a "lite" option that is very inexpensive and works just as well.

[PiCO]

I could not give up the internet and still run my business, so no.

[ciyates]

He does not see it as of any value. It isn't the issue of me being on it at home it is that he doesn't see the purpose of it. Because he doesn't use the computer all that often he sees it as an expensive toy.

 

He feels I have completely disregarded his opinion in all of this which is the only reason I am considering it.

[jenangelcat]

Absolutely not. It would cost us more if we got rid of it. It's how I stay in touch, pay bills, educate my kids, buy stuff that's cheaper and/or hard to find. It provides entertainment.

 

I'm rural and can't imagine life without the net. I'd probably go crazy.

[LauraGB]

Sure, I could give it up. I lived without it most of my life and I survived just fine ;). Our dependency on the internet is over rated at best.

 

ETA - While I could, I don't feel it's worth the money not to have it. It's cheap. And I just thought about our tv - no cable, everything is streamed through the roku via the internet. Without it, we only have about 5 channels. Which would be fine...but...;)

 

For the rest, it's free at the library (at ours, anyway). You could always just schedule some time each week to go do your internet things then.

Edited May 23, 2011 by LauraGB

[Impish]

I've had puters crash too...heck, we just replaced our tower the past month, and I'm *still* struggling to get back what I had.

 

That being said, I don't have kids doing online school. Yes, I print stuff off, which in itself probably saves a good chunk of what the net costs me, plus I have an online store at cafepress, which pays for the net.

 

I just don't see the $20 a month making a huge difference in terms of mortgage...we'd spend more than that getting to and from the library in a month without the net at home. Bus fare, last I looked, is up to $2.25. Each. One way. That's $9 just for Diva and I.

[nukeswife]

No, I couldn't. I use it for research into what curriculum to use for the kids. I use it to stay in touch with family that gets to see us once a year if we're lucky. I also use it to stay in touch with DH when he's on deployment so I highly doubt he'd ever ask me to give it up.

 

I understand that your dh doesn't see the value in it, but you obviously see it as a something to be valued, why should his amount of value trump yours?

[Diana B]

My DH would never ask me to do this. And although it would be hard, I think I *could* do it if I needed to.

 

That being said, have you explained what it is you use it for? You say he doesn't see the value, so maybe you need to lay down what you use it for that is of value. Maybe make him a list that he can look over (instead of just saying it verbally).

 

Include both the homeschool aspect (how else are you going to research & order HS resources? Do you use any free things that you need access to?), the social aspect (Personally all of my RL friends live 45+ minutes away. I see them once a week if I'm lucky. If it was not for the internet, I would only get to talk to my DH and my DS all day every day. Not good for the momma sanity!) and other things you might do online - banking, communicating with the DR or groups you are involved in.

 

I would go to him with this list in hand and let him know these are the things you use it for. If he still feels you can do without all of those things, or he is willing to let you get them done in other ways (going to the library or coffee shop with wifi if that is an option, going to friend's house to get your grown-up time, etc). Then I would submit to his decision.

 

I think submission is important, but only as the 'final say'. You should be able to offer up your opinion and be able to talk and compromise. Otherwise he's wanting the submission for the power, not because he's trying to do what is best for the family.

[twoforjoy]

He does not see it as of any value. It isn't the issue of me being on it at home it is that he doesn't see the purpose of it. Because he doesn't use the computer all that often he sees it as an expensive toy.

 

He feels I have completely disregarded his opinion in all of this which is the only reason I am considering it.

 

Honestly, if he doesn't see the internet of being of any value to you as a homeschooling mom--especially with one of your DC taking an online class--and you've done your best to explain it to him, it sounds to me like he either wasn't listening or is disregarding your needs. If his opinion is that the internet serves no real purpose, then it sounds to me like you aren't disregarding his opinion, but disagreeing with it for very sound reasons.

 

As mentioned by someone above, homeschooling is your job, or at least one of your jobs. I don't understand the purpose of everything in my husband's lab, but I certainly wouldn't decide that, just because I don't see any value in it, it must be something he could just do away with.

 

I don't know, like many other this rubs me the wrong way, both because it seems very controlling (I'm an egalitarian, but I've read a lot of complementarian stuff, and everything I've read mentions that while wives are commanded to submit, husbands are NEVER commanded to make their wives submit, to test how submissive they are, or to otherwise make submission a condition of their loving concern for their wife and family) and also seems isolating. Homeschooling can be isolating as it is, and I do think that taking away one of the primary means (if not the primary means) that homeschooling parents and students have to share ideas, to get resources, and to otherwise communicate with each other is just not right, unless it was absolutely necessary.

[Pretty in Pink]

Nope. We rely on it too much. The library is several miles away so that wouldn't work. Everyone communicates by email these days -- the Boy Scout troop, homeschool groups, our Family Readiness Group, etc. We pay all of our bills and manage our finances online.

 

I would spend more on gas by driving back and forth to the library several times per week than I would if we cut off our internet.

 

Cable, OTOH, we cut 7 years ago. It's been fabulous.

[twoforjoy]

Sure, I could give it up. I lived without it most of my life and I survived just fine ;). Our dependency on the internet is over rated at best.

 

But many things we used to do in other ways have been transferred to the internet. And, they can be done cheaper and most quickly via the internet. It's like saying that people should have lived without phones after they were invented, because people had gotten along just fine without them, or that postal service is unnecessary because people survived without it.

 

It's also overlooking how necessary the internet is for many people's jobs. I teach at a college, and as much as I'd love to tell my students that they cannot get in touch with me via the internet, I'm not sure I could get away with that. It's become the primary means of communication between students and instructors outside of class, and is accepted as such. It would be a burden on my family for me to have to travel to the library every day to use the internet for work purposes when I'm teaching. Same with my DH. He's a researcher, and the internet is the main way his colleagues communicate with each other. It's pretty much expected that he can be reached via e-mail outside of work hours--the way a generation ago some jobs expected that workers could be reached via phone outside of work hours, and you couldn't just say "Nope, no phone" and get away with it--and that means having internet access at home. It's also pretty necessary for students. It's expected that the students at my university have regular access to the internet. That's how messages from individual instructors and from the university as a whole are sent out, and a student who goes days without checking the internet is probably going to end up missing some vital information.

 

Yes, it's a pain that it's now expected in many fields that you will be available pretty much all the time via the internet, but that is the expectation. You can certainly set some limits, but just not having regular internet access isn't feasible for many people.

[Aubrey]

We didn't have internet a few years ago; ds was in K, we'd just started hs'ing, moved to a new house. We opted for cell phones instead of a landline & then found out that internet w/out a landline is a lot more expensive.

 

I did fine, BUT I wasn't in the full throes of hs'ing yet, my ils lived a few blocks away (we used their internet), & well, internet was still pretty new.

 

Now? Dh wouldn't dream of asking such a thing. I run an online business, write for an online magazine, & do tons of research, banking, keeping in touch w/ the computer.

 

Getting rid of internet would cost: coffee at Starbucks, stamps for letters/bills, sanity, higher prices on curric that I buy used online or even new online, really. I'd be stuck driving an HOUR to the nearest hs store, which doesn't carry everything I need (but can usually order it). So add in gas to the extra cost.

 

We've got wifi at my library, but if you don't have a laptop, you'd have to add that cost. And mine are little, so I can't do much online at the library while keeping them in order. I tried once at our old house to use one of the kid computers for researching a field trip to the zoo--they're the only computers w/in view of the kids area. The librarian threatened to cut up my library card. The adult computer area says, "No kids." :glare:

 

Otoh, w/out Amazon...assuming I didn't just go down to B&N...yeah, I could see turning off the internet saving TONS of $$$! :lol:

 

As to the submission aspect: the Bible says we are to submit to each other. So, imo, hs'ing is something to which a man should defer to his hs'ing spouse. She should not entirely dismiss his pov, of course, but that would be like him not entirely dismissing her pov wrt his job, how he does it, the route he takes to get there...iow, mutual respect w/out controlling or nagging.

 

And, yeah, I don't see how cutting internet is going to help toward a mortgage pmt that much. How long will it take w/out the internet $? How much are you guys paying for internet? Could you compromise & downgrade the internet a little (not dial-up) & pay the mtg in, say, 5 years? Or cut something else? (I'm assuming you've already cut things like cable.)

[cathmom]

This reminds me of how for years I wanted to buy a freezer so we could save money on food. Dh didn't see the need, so we never got one. When we found out we were having twins, mil bought us one. And guess what? Dh was impressed how much money we could save and how nice it was to have a freezer. :glare::)

 

Maybe keep a log of what you use the internet for in homeschooling, and jot down the alternative you would have to do to replace it. But, it sounds like he may not really be listening no matter what.

[LauraGB]

But many things we used to do in other ways have been transferred to the internet. And, they can be done cheaper and most quickly via the internet. It's like saying that people should have lived without phones after they were invented, because people had gotten along just fine without them, or that postal service is unnecessary because people survived without it.

 

It's also overlooking how necessary the internet is for many people's jobs. I teach at a college, and as much as I'd love to tell my students that they cannot get in touch with me via the internet, I'm not sure I could get away with that. It's become the primary means of communication between students and instructors outside of class, and is accepted as such. It would be a burden on my family for me to have to travel to the library every day to use the internet for work purposes when I'm teaching. Same with my DH. He's a researcher, and the internet is the main way his colleagues communicate with each other. It's pretty much expected that he can be reached via e-mail outside of work hours--the way a generation ago some jobs expected that workers could be reached via phone outside of work hours, and you couldn't just say "Nope, no phone" and get away with it--and that means having internet access at home. It's also pretty necessary for students. It's expected that the students at my university have regular access to the internet. That's how messages from individual instructors and from the university as a whole are sent out, and a student who goes days without checking the internet is probably going to end up missing some vital information.

 

Yes, it's a pain that it's now expected in many fields that you will be available pretty much all the time via the internet, but that is the expectation. You can certainly set some limits, but just not having regular internet access isn't feasible for many people.

 

Dh's business completely relies on the internet, too :). I think instances like that would probably be considered an exception.

 

I'm not negating the convenience, I'm just saying that yes, I could certainly live without it. I like a lot of things about it - ease of access to information, the news outlets, WTM ;), email, etc. But, if I didn't have it right now, I'd be off doing something infinitely more productive than what I'm presently doing :tongue_smilie:.

[twoforjoy]

Dh's business completely relies on the internet, too :). I think instances like that would probably be considered an exception.

 

I'm not negating the convenience, I'm just saying that yes, I could certainly live without it. I like a lot of things about it - ease of access to information, the news outlets, WTM ;), email, etc. But, if I didn't have it right now, I'd be off doing something infinitely more productive than what I'm presently doing :tongue_smilie:.

 

Oh, I agree. And, I spent the last week of this past semester swearing that next time I teach I will not be giving out my e-mail address, because I was so done with students thinking that the internet means that they have constant access to me and that, if I don't respond right away, it's my issue, not theirs. Unfortunately, I really doubt I could get away with that.

 

I keep telling my DH that we need designated internet times in the house; we don't mind paying to have it all the time, but just unplugging it except during certain hours. I have yet to get him on board with this, and lack the willpower to do it myself during the day, at least so far.

[Garga]

I'm not sure about the whole submission thing, being that the bible tells us to submit unto one another (not just the woman), which gives you wiggle room for him to submit to you when appropriate.

 

But, religion aside, my DH and I had this same sort of issue. I rarely watched TV, but DH watched some science channels (he teaches science classes at a college.) I didn't feel that it was worth the extra $80 a month for the few science channels he watched...

 

but...

 

...as long as HE was the one using the TV, then I felt it was HIS decision whether or not to keep it. It would have been easy for me to say, "Lets get rid of this satellite bill!" because it didn't affect me. But since it affected HIM, he was the one who got to make the decision. We kept cable/satellite for about 10 years longer than I wanted it, because he wanted it.

 

After about 10 years of me asking every now and then, "You sure you still want cable/satellite?" we've switched to Netflix.

 

 

If the internet is integral to your children's education, then the decision is yours. You should track how much you use it, to be sure that it's really necessary. My dh did that with his science shows. He finally realized that he only watched them once in awhile, and there are lots of science shows on Netflix.

 

 

Take the time to track your internet usage, and then decide if he's right or if you're right.

[Teachin'Mine]

Could I give it up if absolutely necessary - of course. Would I choose to - no way. :tongue_smilie:

 

I missed out on a lot of info and a lot of programs for my dd because I wasn't on the internet a few years ago. I wish I had found this forum a few years ago as I'm sure we would have done some things differently.

 

I'd ask your husband what it is that he finds objectionable. Maybe you could compromise and get rid of cable. Maybe he sees all of you busy on the internet and he feels ignored. My dh would be able to commiserate on that account. :tongue_smilie: Would being on the internet mostly during the day when he's at work help? Then in the evenings you can play games and do other things together.

 

I'm hoping you're able to come to a compromise as I think internet access at home is so important for homeschooling. It may not be needed as often as we use it, but when we need information, it's invaluable. :) For online classes it's obviously a must.

[melissel]

He feels I have completely disregarded his opinion in all of this which is the only reason I am considering it.

 

IMO, as you're the one who has the actual experience with using the computers and the necessity of the Internet for schooling, he's the one disregarding YOUR opinion, which is actually the informed one.

 

Someone mentioned banking and shopping--I'd forgotten about those, and no, I would not want to do those via a public connection, and NO, it makes no sense to relegate those tasks back to gas- and time-consuming ones. I agree about keeping a log and noting the offline alternative for completing that task.

[GTJo1996]

No way, Jose. It's my research tool and my support system since I live in a rural area. Also our library is not up to par and couldn't be used as our primary resource. I could give up cable MUCH easier than internet!

[Aelwydd]

I don't know, like many other this rubs me the wrong way, both because it seems very controlling (I'm an egalitarian, but I've read a lot of complementarian stuff, and everything I've read mentions that while wives are commanded to submit, husbands are NEVER commanded to make their wives submit, to test how submissive they are, or to otherwise make submission a condition of their loving concern for their wife and family) and also seems isolating. Homeschooling can be isolating as it is, and I do think that taking away one of the primary means (if not the primary means) that homeschooling parents and students have to share ideas, to get resources, and to otherwise communicate with each other is just not right, unless it was absolutely necessary.

 

Yes. Exactly. :iagree:

 

Regarding the question of "Could I give up the internet?," my answer is sure I could, but why would I want to? I could also go live in a 1800's cabin with no modern plumbing or electricity; but again, why would I do that? Just to save money? Ok, so I'll own my cabin faster without a light bill, but I'll be sitting in the dark and disconnected from many things that make life interesting and educational and fun.

 

Methinks this is less a practical issue, and more a relational one with your spouse. Perhaps some counseling by a third party (pastor, Christian therapist, etc.) might be warranted, if he is not listening to your concerns.

Edited May 23, 2011 by Aelwydd

[Mimm]

No, I could not give up the internet and the fact that he wants you to, not because it's about the internet but because he wants you to submit to him has me going :confused::huh:.