Sure, a teenager or other volunteer from the congregation who can stay with him in Sunday school and pay special attention to him, make sure he's understanding things OK, that kind of thing. I don't know what other churches do, but at our smallish church, all the teachers and helpers are volunteers. Aiding each other, helping each other ... that's what we're here for! People sign up for a month or a season of teaching, and when they need help in a classroom, they ask a high-schooler or another adult to help out. Anyway, it really depends on the child! So I agree with all those who said ask the parents for advice. My son has Asperger's syndrome; he's OK in a group, usually, although he might resist doing a group activity. He's OK with constant loud noise but not sudden, unexpected loud noises (a sudden big laugh, somebody drops something). His teachers (or I, if I'm the teacher) encourage him to do the planned activity but let him color on his own (which he likes to do) after that, if he wants to. He does not respond well AT ALL to rewards and punishments (like stickers for good behavior, or on the other hand, 'time out' for bad behavior, etc.); he DOES respond well to reason (having it spelled out -- more than you might think is necessary, but just go with it -- why it's important to be quiet and listen now, etc.). Another child might be the exact opposite -- who knows? Anyway, that's my child. Ask these parents about theirs!

Oh, gosh, this is SO normal. Especially since he's not even three! Master a skill, work on a new one and let the old one lapse a bit (for a month or six), then catch up again on the old one, then start mastering a new skill and let another old skill lapse a bit (for a month or six), then bring that skill back up again after a while. It's how learning happens. You can revert to pee reminders (set a timer or something) every 30-45 minutes or so, or use pullups again for a while. But don't fret; this is common, and it's not an indication of anything bad. He'll get it.

I'd probably get a lot more done, buy less stuff, and agonize a lot less over my choices! :)

We never get the happy meals. For one thing, they don't include enough chicken nuggets. My son only likes McD's chicken nuggets and apples, and he doesn't like soft drinks or milk or most juices, so getting a meal package (regular-size or "happy") would be a waste. So, for him, I just get a 10-piece Chicken McNugget (no sauce) and apples. I almost always carry a water bottle, so that's the beverage.

Actuary -- and others who have posted here -- thank you so much for your insights! I don't have anything to add at the moment; just listening with open ears, and grateful for your thoughts.

It's amazing how suddenly that happens! One day you can read the fine print, the next day you're in the drug store trying on those $20 readers. If reading the fine print is the only problem you're noticing, you probably don't need an eye exam. Just try out some drug-store reading glasses, see what strength you need, and buy a couple pairs of those.

Could he give up his car? Could you do without indoor plumbing instead?

Yes I would, for this reason. Similarly, I would expect to pay anybody who babysat my child under such circumstances, and I would feel bad if they tried to turn down the payment!

Awesome supplement for explaining the "why" behind various mathematical (and other) routines: http://www.khanacademy.org/ Scroll down or do a word search to find the topic you're after. You might find what you want about the fractions under either "Arithmetic" or "Developmental Math."

The above links doesn't work; here's another try: http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/jerrylarge/2015090129_jdl19.html I think it's a lovely idea. Some children don't have books in their homes; some children don't have empathy in their homes; some children have the empathy but no babies around; other children see plenty of babies but don't get to see people being nice to them. It is a shame, and it's a lovely idea to help those who don't have access to such things at home. And if it's a way of broaching subjects like being kind or taking another person's point of view, or if it results in a calmer, friendlier classroom, then that's a bonus! From the volunteer's perspective, I don't think I'd be overly concerned about bringing an older infant to a kindergarten classroom once a month. Or to church once a week, for that matter. :) From the article: "I worked with thousands of families and came across neglect, abuse and domestic violence," she said. "In all those cases I came to see that the common denominator was an absence of empathy in the adults." That lack of empathy was being passed down through generations. She created Roots to break that cycle. "I use a mother and baby so children can see the most perfect example of empathy we have," she said.

It seems like the kindest thing to do.

I like this a lot. :)

Our church is rather small, and the Sunday school teachers are volunteer parents who rotate the duty, each signing up for a month or two at a time. Most of the year, we divide into three groups: preschool-K (plus maybe 1st), early elementary (or all elementary), and late elementary/middle school (or just middle school). The divisions sort of depend on how many kids we have in each age group in a particular year. In the summer, because of lower attendance, all ages come together for Sunday school. Sunday school begins halfway through the regular Sunday church service, and high school kids remain in the service with the adults. All classes follow a curriculum published by the church (we're Presbyterian). The middle school lessons are pretty heavy on discussion. The elementary classes usually have a lesson based on a Bible passage: there might be a craft intended to illustrate a point, a role-playing game, a coloring page or worksheet, a snack (to illustrate serving each other, or just because it's somebody's birthday), another kind of game to illustrate the story, songs about the Bible story or theme in question, discussion throughout it all -- not ALL of those things in any one lesson, but generally a variety. This is what usually happens when the parents pick up their kids: Parent: "And what did you learn in Sunday school today?" Child: "Um, I dunno. Look at my coloring page! And guess what, I had TWO brownies!!" :) I view Sunday school as supplemental to my child's learning (at home and elsewhere) about Christianity. I feel the same about any other kind of school, actually! But religion in particular seems to warrant whole-life, whole-family involvement. I wouldn't expect him to gain a well-rounded appreciation for Christianity (or any other religion) with just one 30- or 60-minute lesson per week. Edited to add: Service is where we really get into the heart of Christianity. During church clean-up days, we work with people of all ages to weed the garden or wash windows -- a great opportunity to contribute to a cause dear to us, but larger than just our own family. We volunteer (with a group from the church) at a food bank, which also gives us an opportunity to bond with the church family while demonstrating our commitment to serving others. We perform in one of the choirs -- more service, more bonding, plus contributing to worship and keeping a commitment to a group endeavor. We join interfaith events with other churches (and temples and mosques) in the area -- International Day of Peace picnics, National Day of Prayer event, etc. This month we're gathering and donating items for Foster Care Month. And so on. I guess how it works out is: on Sundays, we get the "book-learning" and offer our formal worship, which I consider very important. And then on other days, in many other ways, we learn and serve (they kind of go together) out in the world. Which I think is equally important.

No, we don't reward or "consequate" with screen time; DS (8) can turn the TV and computer on or off -- or pull out books or drawing things or Legos or board games or puzzles or character sets or trains -- as he likes. Those are all equivalent options to him. For us, the reward for being attentive to schoolwork is having a pleasant time and getting finished in good time. :) (By the same token, the natural consequence for grumbling is feeling rather miserable while the grumbling is going on.)

I'm probably not the right one to answer this, since that isn't exactly how I pray. I do know people who believe that the prayers of Christians can reach God's ears and prompt him to do this or that -- spare a life, close a deal, whatever. I don't understand that (and I am a Christian), but I do know people who pray for things and expect that God will (or might) grant those requests, just because of the prayer. Also, my friends/family who pray this way seem to believe that more prayers can be more effective than fewer prayers, so they request prayers from as many people as possible. Most people I know who request prayers or good thoughts do so in order, I think, to have some moral support, to not feel alone -- to feel that there is somebody thinking of them. The prayers aren't so much to effect a certain outcome -- to cajole God into granting one's wish -- as to act as a sort of virtual hug or pat on the back. "I'm praying for you" can mean simply "I'm thinking of you (on a regular basis, at my appointed thrice-daily prayer time)." The Bible says all sorts of different things about prayer. I like this one, from Philippians 4:6-7: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." It says pray always. It doesn't promise that you'll get what you pray for. It does say that you will get peace.

That's what prayer does for me. I don't know if it's God or the Universe or Jesus or my brain/hormones/body on "slow-it-down, just breathe" mode or a logical, step-by-step thought process that brings me around, but what you describe is what tends to happen for me. I think that most of my prayers, however they start out, tend to come around to "may I accept whatever is, may I do what is right and helpful, may I trust that I will make it through this situation as I have others before this, may I keep hoping and striving for better." And also: "may X person be well and safe, may X person find the acceptance or strength s/he needs, etc." For me, there's a personal aspect, too: a God that I pray to (although I do not understand who or what S/He is), and from whom I feel love. I'm sure prayer looks different for different people. Could be that the same physiological (brain or hormonal or breathing) changes happen to each of us -- bringing about that peace or acceptance or strength -- and we just attribute it to different causes. Or maybe it is Allah or Jesus speaking to us. :) (I'm not meaning to be flippant, btw. I really don't know! Some say that's what "faith" is: not knowing, but doing it anyway.) Edited to add: Anne Lamott says there are only two prayers: "Help me" and "Thank you." :) Edited again to add: Apparently I skipped a page of answers here, because just now I saw where people have already talked about Anne Lamott. :)

I've known book-smart, scholarship-winning public school graduates who don't know how to use a nonelectric can opener (and won't try; will avoid canned food instead) or run the washing machine or sweep a floor or politely introduce their grandma to their boyfriend. What constitutes preparation for adulthood, or educational neglect? I think it is very, very hard to *prevent* a child from learning. Without any sort of curriculum, most children will, sooner or later, learn how to read and count and get by in the world and look up whatever practical skills they need on WikiHow. (I think it's safe to say that most of us here want to help that process along. :) But, alas, our kids would almost certainly learn the basics even without us, I'm pretty sure.) And, as others have said, there is no guarantee that a child will learn more, or be better off in general, at school than at home -- even if there is no formal "teaching" going on at home. A child who is bullied mercilessly at school, for example, is certainly better off at home than at school -- even if that home doesn't hold a single book! Eh, where am I going with this? Barring obvious physical or emotional abuse or neglect, I don't think anyone could offer much of a case for "educational neglect." Is an unschooled child who learns to read at age 10 and doesn't know the first thing about bar graphs and starts his first business at age 15 "educationally neglected"? How about a public-schooled child who learns to read at age 10 and doesn't know the first thing about bar graphs and starts his first business at age 15? ;)

What they said. :) I am extremely disorganized (and therefore benefit from somebody organizing for me), but I get bored with spoon-fed curricula and rarely follow through with them. But I love WWE! More important, DS loves it. (Sometimes he asks me the questions instead of me asking him the questions. We're allowed to do that. :) ) We started with the Level 2 workbook -- absolutely and completely worth it.

:iagree: What she said. Better that than becoming bookworm food! (I mean, not a first edition Mark Twain or anything.) (Which, for all its value, wouldn't have scrapbook-worthy pictures anyway. So there you go.) Anyway, the only practical difference between a book and a throw-away magazine is the binding, eh?

I'd say yes, like Jesus! Jesus asks us to be like him. Feed the hungry, comfort the afflicted, forgive those who sin against us, lay down our lives for others. When we do those things, we are being like Jesus. Similarly, when your child imitates you, she is being like you. She is not you; you are you, and she is herself. But she is being like you.

I'm trying to imagine running across a picture of my face on a Hindu or Muslim or Christian website with the words "unreached" attached to it. I'm trying to imagine running across a picture of my child's baby picture on a website (perhaps many years after it was taken!) with the words "please give -- many children need you! -- click here to make your $35 donation" as the caption.

"Oh, get out. Children are supposed to READ? No way! What will they think of next? Tell me more!" Well done! This makes perfect sense to me. If I couldn't get away quickly, I'd start asking her questions. Turn the focus from me to her (which is probably her main concern anyhow). "And how is your daughter doing in school? What is she working on lately? What does she like best? What do you think the school could do better; how would you improve it? How is she getting along at recess? Is she getting homework assignments yet? What do you think of those? Do you have any candy? ;) "

Some do, but not most, I don't think. Certainly not most of the Christians I know. I am a Christian and I consider this practice extremely gross and insulting. I'd maybe be considered "reached but hopeless." ;) Off to commune with Jesus anyway ... happy Sunday, everybody! :)

The urge to help is a good one. I might have asked the mom, with a sympathetic smile, "Can I help?" That's a show of support that doesn't risk overstepping any bounds. I wouldn't want a stranger (a church acquaintance, maybe, but not a complete stranger) to try to educate my child (who has Asperger's syndrome) on proper behavior; any attempt would probably become a message-board post from me, lol! "There I was, on my last legs, and then this woman scolded my son! The humiliation! And of course it only confused DS and prompted him to zero in on his case even more." Then again, I don't like to force food issues under already stressful conditions. That's an issue for more controlled conditions. So you don't want the yummy chicken? Tummy hurts or you're too wound up to eat? OK, we'll leave it for somebody who will appreciate it. Cereal it is. This is not a convenient place for a food standoff.

[[NOTE: Edited to delete the word "white" because it caused offense in this context.]] Helena, I agree with you completely. I consider it offensive in the extreme to show a photo of "random Indian-looking person" or "random Asian person" or "random anybody" and call that person "unsaved." I can't imagine giving permission for such a thing. "Can I put your picture on the Internet and call you 'unsaved'? Here's $5 for your trouble." "OK, tourist!" Or, "Can I put your picture on the Internet in an advertisement about sexually transmitted diseases? Here's $5 for your trouble." "OK, tourist!" Ick.