QueenCat Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 What do you all think of this one. I've changed the name of the child. Jane Doe's Birthday Party Local Roller Rink Bring $5 to get in, $1 to rent skates. Bring extra money for arcade and snacks. I'm sorry, but if I invite someone to a party, I don't expect them to pay to attend. Very odd. Ds isn't going but that is because he already has plans. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeidiKC Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 Yes, not very...mannerly! And if that is literally the way it was written, even worse! Sort of instructions, bordering on commands! "Bring extra money", rather than "your child might want to bring snack money" or whatever! Wow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Lulu* Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 Um. Wow. :svengo: I believe that Amy Vanderbilt may have just rolled over in her grave. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted April 29, 2011 Author Share Posted April 29, 2011 Yes, not very...mannerly! And if that is literally the way it was written, even worse! Sort of instructions, bordering on commands! "Bring extra money", rather than "your child might want to bring snack money" or whatever! Wow. Other than changing the girl's name and the roller rink, that is how it is written. I was "wow".... ds said she invited around 30 people. Invite less if you can't afford it. Or so something simpler.... but asking them to pay to get in???? Very odd. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 I know that it can be very expensive to have a party somewhere like that (vs. the cake and punch and party games at home) but I agree, it is definitely the host's responsibility to pay. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 That would be entirely normal and not at all offensive around here. Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted April 29, 2011 Author Share Posted April 29, 2011 That would be entirely normal and not at all offensive around here. Rosie I'm not offended. I just find it very odd. Around here, the host normally pays for the party's activities. The exception might be if someone casually said something like "Hey, we're going out to eat to celebrate Susie's b/day, would you like to join us?". Then people would expect to pay for themselves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
extendedforecast Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 Sarcastically- At least they had the decency to let the invited guests know ahead of time that they would be footing the bill. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flobee76 Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 Can u imagine if a wedding invite was like that? Reception to follow at Crown Restaurant Salmon $25 Steak $20 A la cart items $5 each Bring extra for cocktails Sorry, I think that is a weird invite. It's one thing to say, "hey... let's all meet at the roller rink for my birthday. It costs $x.00". It's entirely another thing to say, "I am INVITING you to my birthday party, but... you have you pay to get in." Weird. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angela in ohio Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 That is really rude, but it doesn't surprise me anymore. If you can't afford to pay for the roller rink party, have it in your backyard with a pinata and ice cream. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 It's really weird. I won't say rude because maybe they don't know any better. We've had two bday parties outside our home and no one had to pay for anything themselves. It just never even occured to us to schedule a party and have guests pay. I would laugh at the invitation and then decide if we were good enough of friends to pay our own way and keep the peace. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 That would really surprise me. I and everyone I know expects to pay for their child's birthday party. I HAVE seen/heard of situations where it is mentioned that certain things will be provided for the children only (and that adults would have to pay their own way if they were interested) though. For example, one little girl had a party at a farmer's market type place that had these inflatables and chute slides and apple slinging and so on and part of it was a scenic hayride. The kids were all paid for for the hayride but if parents wanted to go on the hayride too, they had to pay for themselves. Or lunch would be purchased for the kids but if parents wanted to join in and eat lunch, they had to buy their own. That kind of thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WishboneDawn Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 Around here it would be a little odd but I think it's a regional thing. Ettiquette around these things isn't fixed. As Rosie said, where she is it wouldn't be odd at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristusG Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 That would be REALLY strange here. I've never been to a birthday party where we've had to pay our own way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 .... questions: is the family new to the community? are they underwater on their house? is it an attempt to not exclude anyone? is the family paying for a meal, cake, party favours? in the current economic climate, i'm prepared to cut folks a whole lot of slack. there are some who are just grasping, but most of the time most of the people are trying to do just about the very best they can manage. but if it bothers you, and this is someone you know, then i'd work on figuring out how to say something kind but clear. fwiw, ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 I find it weird. Where I live children invited to the birthday party are covered by the host. Adults-depending on the venue they may be expected to pay their own way if they want to stay. However, there could be extenuating circumstances with the current economic climate. The invitation could have been worded better. I had a similar experience when a friend of my son invited him to go to the movies with him and his family. When I invite one of my kids friends along I pay for them. Ds had to buy his own ticket. It was not a big deal that he had to pay for his own ticket but it did surprise me because that is not how I do things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mytwomonkeys Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 i agree it is strange. they aren't offering to pay for anything? to each his own i guess. shrug. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 I couldn't imagine inviting kids to a party and having them pay their way. The part about bringing money for the arcade - I can understand that. But the rest, no way. If you don't want to pay for a party, invite the kids to your house for cake and ice cream. AT YOUR EXPENSE. If financial reasons are why this happened, again - cake and ice cream at your home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted April 29, 2011 Author Share Posted April 29, 2011 ....questions: is the family new to the community? are they underwater on their house? is it an attempt to not exclude anyone? is the family paying for a meal, cake, party favours? in the current economic climate, i'm prepared to cut folks a whole lot of slack. there are some who are just grasping, but most of the time most of the people are trying to do just about the very best they can manage. but if it bothers you, and this is someone you know, then i'd work on figuring out how to say something kind but clear. fwiw, ann They are not new to the community. I don't know about their housing situation but dad is a Lt. Colonel in the Army so they aren't hurting salary wise. I don't know if they are paying for a meal or what, they said to bring $ for snacks. All I know is what was on the invite. I've only met the mom briefly but see the daughter at an activity quite a bit. I wouldn't say anything, we aren't going (already have major plans). I just thought the whole thing was odd enough to share. If it's a money issue, you have cake, ice cream and punch at your house and skip the roller rink. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted April 29, 2011 Author Share Posted April 29, 2011 I couldn't imagine inviting kids to a party and having them pay their way. The part about bringing money for the arcade - I can understand that. But the rest, no way. If you don't want to pay for a party, invite the kids to your house for cake and ice cream. AT YOUR EXPENSE. If financial reasons are why this happened, again - cake and ice cream at your home. The arcade part is the only thing that makes sense to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 I'm usually not big on etiquette, but I do find this one shocking. Like others have said, if it's a financial issue, do something at home, or invite fewer people. Heck, we don't do big birthday parties as a matter of choice, not finances! If it were a close friend (and we were available) I'm sure I'd go and keep my mouth shut, but I don't know how I'd be able to turn my *brain off about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
susankenny Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 I'm usually not big on etiquette, but I do find this one shocking. Like others have said, if it's a financial issue, do something at home, or invite fewer people. Exactly. Invite one or two friends if you can't afford a birthday party, or just do something as a family. But to send out a child's birthday invitation to a roller rink that cost money & includes zip. nada. - now that's just tacky. Susan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LidiyaDawn Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 It wouldn't bother me ~ I'd drop my kids off with some money and tell them to have fun. Just doesn't strike me as something get my knickers all twisted about. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KristinaBreece Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 It wouldn't bother me ~ I'd drop my kids off with some money and tell them to have fun. Just doesn't strike me as something get my knickers all twisted about. :tongue_smilie: I wouldn't skip the party because of it-- I would pay my kids' way. But I would feel that it was rude and would never plan my own child's party without intending to cover the cost myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 How old is the person? Who sent it? Was it email? FB? If it was an older teen gathering friends together, it neary makes sense. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuirkyKapers Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 I couldn't imagine inviting kids to a party and having them pay their way. The part about bringing money for the arcade - I can understand that. :iagree: We had a party at Chuck E Cheese. We paid for everything and a certain amount of tokens were included in our cost for the kids. I let the parents know if they wanted to send extra money for more tokens they were getting 15 each. Wow! Too bad I didn't have everyone pay for their own way. it would have saved us a boat load of money :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angela in ohio Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 I had a similar experience when a friend of my son invited him to go to the movies with him and his family. When I invite one of my kids friends along I pay for them. Ds had to buy his own ticket. It was not a big deal that he had to pay for his own ticket but it did surprise me because that is not how I do things. I teach my dc that delicate dance of manners: they offer to pay their own way (or for their own meal,) the host parents refuse, they offer one more time and then thank the host parents profusely for their generosity. (It's a life skill anyone who is going to accept dinner invitations in professional situations will need to know.) My dc have never needed the money I send with them, nor has anyone else's child needed money with me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Florida. Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 That would definitely be strange around here. Adults are sometimes expected to pay for their food, depending on the venue. Kids invited to a party are not expected to pay for anything. And I'm guessing they still expect you to bring a gift for the birthday child? :confused: What's typical here is that if someone can't afford to pay for all of the guests, they either have the party at home, or have the child invite a few (2 or 3) close friends for a special day. I've long refused to give in to the big birthday party thing. One year we had ds' party at a bowling alley, but every other year we just had the party at our house. That's how parties were when I was little, and I always remember having fun. The kids at ds' parties always had fun too. No one ever seemed disappointed that we didn't go to some cool place or hire a bounce house in the front yard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted April 29, 2011 Author Share Posted April 29, 2011 It wouldn't bother me ~ I'd drop my kids off with some money and tell them to have fun. Just doesn't strike me as something get my knickers all twisted about. :tongue_smilie: I didn't say I was offended or had "my knickers all twisted about". I said I thought it was odd and bizarre. Son is not going because he has a big Scout banquet, in which he is being honored. I'd let him go, without saying a word, if he didn't have plans and wanted to. I just think it's rather odd. I would personally not invite people to a party, and ask them pay for admission. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted April 29, 2011 Author Share Posted April 29, 2011 How old is the person? Who sent it? Was it email? FB? If it was an older teen gathering friends together, it neary makes sense. Child will be 14 on birthday. It was a paper invitation, handed to my son. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 Child will be 14 on birthday. It was a paper invitation, handed to my son. Now this I could understand. I bet his mom told him he could have a party if he organized it and paid for it. This is how he handled it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Princess Peach Posted April 29, 2011 Share Posted April 29, 2011 Are you supposed to bring a gift, too? Or is your presence the present? :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted April 29, 2011 Author Share Posted April 29, 2011 Are you supposed to bring a gift, too? Or is your presence the present? :D :lol: It doesn't say anything about gifts.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted April 29, 2011 Author Share Posted April 29, 2011 Now this I could understand. I bet his mom told him he could have a party if he organized it and paid for it. This is how he handled it. Perhaps.... I would be mortified if I found out my child sent out invitations like that though... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farmgirl70 Posted April 30, 2011 Share Posted April 30, 2011 This has happened to us multiple times with a family in our homeschool network--birthday dinner at a restaurant, a day at the amusement park, going to the movies for birthday party, etc., etc. It puts us in an awkward position as a family, not being able to or wanting to spend the money for another child's birthday in addition to the gift. We have been "unable to attend" a time or two for this reason. It certainly goes against my training, yet this family is very generous and good hearted. In our case, I think they are unaware that this is awkward for some. I am more of the persuasion that the birthday party is something you do for the guests in honor of the birthday child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kolamum Posted April 30, 2011 Share Posted April 30, 2011 Weird, was it impossible to rent the whole rink? I know when we've had party at skate rinks the rink has been rented and you don't pay. When the HS group rents it you only pay a reduced fee for skates if you don't bring your own. I think the reduced rate is something like $3 per skater to cover rink costs.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted April 30, 2011 Author Share Posted April 30, 2011 Weird, was it impossible to rent the whole rink? I know when we've had party at skate rinks the rink has been rented and you don't pay. When the HS group rents it you only pay a reduced fee for skates if you don't bring your own. I think the reduced rate is something like $3 per skater to cover rink costs.. Our roller rink has party rooms. You can get a party package and pay so much per guest, about the same price as the general public but you also get the use of the party room with a minimum number of guests. Most people here do the party package, not rent the rink, for a birthday party. But normally the birthday child's parents pay for the party package, not the guests. I've heard that only a handful are going to this particular party. Kind of sad for the birthday girl. Again, I wasn't personally offended, just found it odd. Ds is not going because of his Scout event, which we committed to long before the party came up. I just posted it to see if I was losing it, or it was indeed an odd invitation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sebastian (a lady) Posted April 30, 2011 Share Posted April 30, 2011 (edited) What do you all think of this one. I've changed the name of the child. Jane Doe's Birthday Party Local Roller Rink Bring $5 to get in, $1 to rent skates. Bring extra money for arcade and snacks. I'm sorry, but if I invite someone to a party, I don't expect them to pay to attend. Very odd. Ds isn't going but that is because he already has plans. Yes I think it is a little odd. Within the military circles I have been a part of, the host family paid for the bowling/pool, pizza or whatever the party was. Is it possible that as someone else suggested, this is the teen's attempt to have a "get together" for her birthday? (BTW, I think it doubly odd that a military family of this rank would host a party this way. We're not Army, but are military and this just isn't my experience - from families of any rank. But I do have higher expectations of courtesy from someone who has been in that long.) ps. Since your ds can't attend, do encourage him to send the birthday child a card. It seems like we are always moving such that my kids either miss celebrating their birthday or are so new that they don't have anyone to invite. We've only ever managed one party with guests - ever. My kids would be so thrilled that one of their friends thought to give them a birthday card. Edited April 30, 2011 by Sebastian (a lady) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest RecumbentHeart Posted April 30, 2011 Share Posted April 30, 2011 (edited) I would think it was rude in and of itself. I would feel like junk if we didn't have the money for our child to go celebrate with their friend, though. It reminds me of how the ladies at our old church used to arrange gatherings at restaurants and/or involving gift swaps. Basically, if you didn't have money, you missed out on fellowship. Eta: I thought about it and changed my mind. Based on that very possibility of invitees not being able to participate, I agree it's inappropriate. I don't know what I was thinking when I first posted. Edited May 1, 2011 by RecumbentHeart Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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