Do you ever do a beauty day/girly-stuff day with your daughters?

[JennifersLost]

I feel like I don't know how to be a "real" mom with my daughter. I had three boys first, and it was so easy - I took them to parks, ran around with them, hiked with them, read with them...I just instinctively knew what to do.

 

My daughter loves to do all the things I love to do....but I never make the time for her - not even for easy things like walks and art. I'm better at making the time to do those things with my women friends.

 

I have a lot of sensitivities, so I don't wear makeup or much jewelry. I guess it makes sense that I never remember to do her nails or try on makeup. But I could. I could play with her hair, too.

 

Where are my Mommy/daughter instincts? It's like I don't have any. BTW, she's nine, a perfect doll, loves to spend time with me and would LOVE to do any womanly thing with me.

 

I feel paralyzed.

 

It would be so helpful to just hear how other women spend time with their preteen daughters - almost like getting "permission" from the Universe to do it myself. I swear, this is something I inherited. My mother didn't do anything girly with me at all. And her mother didn't do anything like that with her, either.

 

I'm getting out my calendar to schedule in a few days with her - please give me some ideas!!!!

[Melissa in Australia]

We sew and bake together.

[Heather in Neverland]

Well my little girl is just a baby but I have two boys so I know what you mean by the "difference". I was also the only girl and I can tell you that the days I spent having "girl time" with my mom are some of my most cherished memories. We would go shopping and out to lunch and my mom would let me do all my own ordering and act like a "big girl" and we would get pedicures or go to the movies....just the two of us. Kudos to you for seeing the need and doing something to make your daughter feel special. ;)

[Jean in Newcastle]

I'm learning to do these things with my 9 year old girly girl. We do things like paint nails - ie. I help her paint hers with a very light pink sparkly polish. We got out a hair book for her AG dolls the other night and had a spa night. I helped her to wash her hair and then to dry it. Then I tried out a couple of the doll hair styles on her! She was in heaven. She's a tiny bit disappointed that I don't do the same things with her (for the same reasons you mentioned - sensitivities and a basic tomboyishness that I still have) but she's ok with that since I make the effort to do them for her. I have to say that the nail polish is a bit hard on me. The smell is overwhelming for me but I am able to stand it now and then for her sake.

[Sophia]

My girls love when I take them to Starbucks and we hang out and visit with each other.

They also like to go to bookstores and browse, or to the mall and just walk around window shopping.

My two older girls like to go in Ulta and Hobby Lobby (?) and browse.

 

These are all things we do without the little boys.

 

They like to bake and sew, but I don't, so I just provide what they need and let them do that by themselves.

 

My 15 y.o. has recently started going to the gym with me (Well, that one's exciting for me but she hates exercising.)

 

I still do readalouds with all of them and we all love that time and talking about the stories we read.

 

eta: I don't do the make-up nail polish stuff with them but they do with each other and that's been fine by them :-)

Edited February 6, 2011 by Sophia

[Jennifer in MI]

My dd is only 5, but she LOVES to put on my makeup. L:OVES it. she also loves putting on her own "makeup!" We do our nails too. She does my hair. I do hers. I don't see this changing. She's VERY much a girly girl!

[Audrey]

I feel like I don't know how to be a "real" mom with my daughter. I had three boys first, and it was so easy - I took them to parks, ran around with them, hiked with them, read with them...I just instinctively knew what to do.

 

My daughter loves to do all the things I love to do....but I never make the time for her - not even for easy things like walks and art. I'm better at making the time to do those things with my women friends.

 

I have a lot of sensitivities, so I don't wear makeup or much jewelry. I guess it makes sense that I never remember to do her nails or try on makeup. But I could. I could play with her hair, too.

 

Where are my Mommy/daughter instincts? It's like I don't have any. BTW, she's nine, a perfect doll, loves to spend time with me and would LOVE to do any womanly thing with me.

 

I feel paralyzed.

 

It would be so helpful to just hear how other women spend time with their preteen daughters - almost like getting "permission" from the Universe to do it myself. I swear, this is something I inherited. My mother didn't do anything girly with me at all. And her mother didn't do anything like that with her, either.

 

I'm getting out my calendar to schedule in a few days with her - please give me some ideas!!!!

 

 

I don't have a daughter, but my mom used to take me for a girly-day about once a year. She wasn't a girly-girl so much herself. She always wore lipgloss, but no other make-up on a regular basis. She was very outdoorsy, athletic -- a tom-boy grown up. But.... she made time to be girly with me even though *I* wasn't even a girly-girl. It was so nice to do and some of the fondest memories I have. She had made it clear that girly-days weren't trying to make ourselves become girly-girls. They were about trying something different and showing ourselves that we had possibilities to be any kind of woman we wanted to be.

 

I would encourage you to go for a girly-day even if you yourself don't get all made up. You could still let her get done up and you can both dress up and get your hair styled or something like that.

 

Oh, and go for tea afterwards. I thought that was the most posh thing ever.

 

Geez I miss my mom!

[regentrude]

No. Neither my DD nor I are into makeup clothes, polish etc.

We do plenty of things together - but not "girly" type stuff.

We much rather go rock climbing together. The "girliest" thing we do together is bake and cook - she loves that.

Edited February 6, 2011 by regentrude

[fairfarmhand]

No. Neither my DD nor I are into makeup clothes, polish etc.

We do plenty of things together - but not "girly" type stuff.

We much rather go rock climbing together. The "girliest" thing we do together is bake and cook - she loves that.

:iagree: this is me

[JennifersLost]

 

Geez I miss my mom!

 

This made me tear up. I wish my mom could have been/could be more relaxed around me and just enjoy being together. It's like she was always so worried about how everything turned out she couldn't just be in the moment and enjoy me. I know she loves me, and I know she loves being around me, but when we are together she's always trying to lecture me or fix something I'm doing wrong.

 

I want my daughter to have magical memories, too. I know she knows I love her....but I want her to remember sharing days and activities together. And just "having fun."

[Peela]

Shopping. Dd has an amazing dress and fashion sense and sometimes we just go to the mall and shop- usually looking for something in particular but I make a play out of it. Also op shopping- that is fun and cheaper!

 

I too did not have a mother who played girlies with me, nor her mother with her- and I myself wasnt into clothes or anything, much. But I do have some fond memories of going shopping with my mum, where she would take me to a coffee shop after getting my hair cut, that sort of thing.

 

With my dd it has been a journey of healing from her birth, for me, because my "girl" side was severely under developed but she is girl all the way through. So we have painted our finger nails and toe nails and played dress ups for years- although she does it much more than me.

I think girls really need praise and adoration for their looks- its kind of inbuilt and to try to deny it is counter productive. I tend to tell her how beautiful she is a lot, and always have, and put attention on her hair, her clothes, her bedroom, her shoes.

[Ibbygirl]

My dd is NOT a girly girl at all. She hates dressing up, hates makeup, won't wear nail polish, I even have to force her to brush her hair properly. She just isn't into it at all, but she does love going out with me wherever I am going. She just likes the company and the talking. She loves book stores and loves going to this comic book store that specializes in manga and anime. It's far though (an hour drive from our house) so I only take her about once a month, but that is our girly time. She just loves going out. :)

[angela in ohio]

My dds are 14 and 12 yo.

 

We shop a few times a year when we have to, we enjoy a bit of Panera sometimes, and I straighten their hair for them when they want. That's about it for "girl" stuff. My dh tells them they are beautiful, but more often he praises our (mine and their) brains. So that may influence a lack of girliness in us. :001_smile: They are lovely young ladies, and they are neat and feminine, but they don't have a desire for frill or makeup.

 

We usually read Make or other science-y magazines together, play math puzzle games, discuss great literature. :D We do a lot of cooking and baking together, we do handcraft stuff together sometimes (dd is still trying to teach me to knit,) and we attend a lot of museum and symphony events. Most of our time is spend in homeschool stuff or me doing the driving/waiting thing for orchestra practices, art lessons, math teams, etc., so we make the best of that time.

 

Honestly, I think the things you did for your sons will work just fine for your dd. :001_smile:

[6packofun]

I'm not a girly girl and my daughters, for the most part, aren't either. We do like to go shopping for clothes occasionally, even if it's just Goodwill, but my almost 16yo dd doesn't even wear make-up yet. I guess it's just not on our radar, BUT I'd be very willing to do more of that stuff if the girls wanted to. :) We will all paint our nails together once in a while--it usually ends up pretty silly and funky, not necessarily pretty. LOL

[momofeight]

I have five daughters and we do a lot of these "girls only" days. They vary but we love to go window shopping or cruise the local thrift stores. We go out to lunch, to the movies,do craft projects, go to the pottery places where you can buy/paint little trinkets and the farmers market. Sometimes we stay in and watch girly movies and do our hair and I let them do my hair (this is usually very interesting). I think the important thing here is spending the time and not so much what you are doing. I would let your daughter take the lead and do what she thinks would be fun, when I did this it helped me tremendously and gave me the freedom to really enjoy our special time.

When she is an adult, she will look back on these days and appreciate the time you took to spend just with her and probably not so much what you did.

[Stacia]

My dd is not a girly-girl (she'd rather be mucking out a stall :lol:). However, she always seems to enjoy sitting there watching me put on my makeup.

 

Sometimes we'll go to the movies together, or she'll come w/ me to Starbucks or for a walk w/ one of my friends. (She's at that age now between child & teen, where she's wanting some time to play w/ other kids & some time just to 'hang around' the adults, kwim?)

 

I'm planning for us to go out to lunch together soon (local tea house). We're also planning an outing to see a show, but she hasn't made her final decision yet (she's leaning toward a ballet). I'm sure we'll do dinner out whenever we go to the show.

 

ETA: My dd adores my sister & they like to spend time together too, sometimes doing 'girly' stuff. I'm just saying that suggest that 'mom' doesn't always have to do the 'girly' things, maybe a special other lady in her life can help fill that role too (like my sister does). Dd & I enjoy our outings/time together, but I don't necessarily try to think of 'girly' things to do, if that makes any sense, lol. Our outings or time together can be anything. If we do a movie, we're more apt to watch LoTR than a 'girly' movie. ;)

Edited February 6, 2011 by Stacia

[AnitaMcC]

Sorry I can't help you here... My Dd is so very anti-girlish.

 

She is currently wears only black clothes, no dresses/skirts/frills at all. She doesn't wear makeup usually and her hair is either a pixie style or in a mohawk-LOL.

 

Instead, we just go out and walk the mall (her favorite stores are music related or Spencers and Hot Topic). We often will just go out for ice cream somewhere.

[AnitaMcC]

No. Neither my DD nor I are into makeup clothes, polish etc.

We do plenty of things together - but not "girly" type stuff.

We much rather go rock climbing together. The "girliest" thing we do together is bake and cook - she loves that.

 

Ditto here. My Dd just isn't a girly-girl. She does like to bake (especially anything chocolate... she is my kind of girl-LOL).

 

My Dd and I spend a lot of time together with her martial arts tournaments. I am usually the one taking her so she is stuck with me-LOL.

 

My Dd is so desperately wanting to go sky diving. I tell her no way for me (I don't like heights and definitely don't like not having something solid under my feet!!!!!!!!!!!).

[Plucky]

I have one that is not girly and another that is. If I can I take them to lunch or a movie, maybe buy an outfit or toy (not required!), lie in bed and watch a show/movie, and TALK. Not all the same day, but just making time, talking is the main thing. Oh, my 10dd loves crafts, I loathe them anymore, but we will do some together. She loves it.

[littleWMN]

I struggle with this too and I have three daughters and a baby boy! I'm not a tomboy, I don't think, but not very vain anymore. I just wear t-shirts and jeans and don't do much in the way of makeup or jewelry. I know my 9 y.o. dd would enjoy more girly dates with me (though she's half tomboy too) so thanks for the reminder.

 

Just something simple like painting nails is fun and meaningful (I just have to hide it so my younger girls won't get it everywhere).

[RoughCollie]

My DD is a hybrid girly-girl/tomboy. She was born with the hair-makeup-clothes genius gene. She has great taste, and she advises me.

 

I do take her shopping sometimes, which is a real sacrifice because it takes forever and involves a lot of stores and a lot of me waiting around (at her request, I do not go to the bookstore while she tries on a zillion dresses).

 

We go out to eat at restaurants no one else in the family likes: Chinese and Mexican, mostly. I take her to the hairdresser whenever she asks, and she will run errands with me because she has never met a store she doesn't like.

 

She likes to cook and bake and do crafts, so whenever she is up for that, so am I. She likes to spend time with me and to have my full attention.

Edited February 6, 2011 by RoughCollie

[Denisemomof4]

dd11 and I are extremely close and regularly go out together. We used to do girlie stuff (nails, dabble in make-up, etc.) all the time but now she's turning into a young woman and we just LOVE to go out together. Out to eat, antiquing, shopping, browsing, walking, kayaking, you name it, we love to do it together! I'm enjoying her more than my friends these days!

 

This weekend is my first weekend away with BOTH dd's. It's more work as dd7 loves to try my patience but we're having a blast. We got a hotel room and the girls swam inside yesterday, today we're going to the aquarium and then heading home.

 

My boys are older now and my focus is on doting on my girls. It's SO fun.

[Ravin]

I was a tomboy as a child and I'm still pretty butch, even if I do go through phases where I wear mostly skirts. So I do the same things with DD you mentioned you do with your boys. When she wants to do nails, I let her have nail polish and, after the first couple of times, let her do it herself. I have suffered through a couple of tea parties, but try not to give her any ideas.

 

We do bake together, and I've encouraged her interest in handicrafts (needlepoint), but not as much as I perhaps should (usually when I have sewing to do I'm not in the patient mood to help her do it). When she asks to do something with me, I try and make time to go along with it. I'll probably try to be more consistent about that once the baby comes along.

[Pippen]

I feel paralyzed.

 

!!!!

 

I hear, you, Sister! I was the ultimate tomboy who grew up with brothers and all male cousins, and I had boys first. Then my daughter entered the picture. My SIL sent a pink frilly dress for a gift and I still remember how lost I felt dressing her in that cute little thing.

 

It pretty much got worse from there. ;) When she was two I once found her standing in front of her closet rifling through the clothes like she was a teenager. Every time she got to one of the boy handmedowns I'd saved for backyard sandbox and mud play she's stop and point and say "That's BAD!". That's when I knew I was in trouble because to me clothes are just functional--as long as they're comfortable and clean and look reasonably good I'm happy. To top it all off she decided all she wanted to wear was dresses for the next three years.

 

Through the years I've decided the most important thing is to listen to her needs, just as I would with any of my children's whose needs are different than mine. I don't have to be like her, or even enjoy the same things, but emotionally it's better when I understand those needs and provide for them. She was much happier with pink so I ditched the handmedown in favor of garage sale pink.

 

I found sometimes I just had to suck it up and sit down and watch those dreadful Barbie movies with her, but I'm a lot happier when we find common ground.

 

Bookstore cafe time is good. She can look at girly books and magazines and I can thumb through cooking and science.

 

Baking is good. I'm all about making it taste good and techniques. She's about making it look pretty. (I bookmarked the Martha Stewart site in her favorites file :) and youtube is your friend.) Decorate cupcakes, cookies, or let her fix up a lunch plate.

 

We love going on field trips together. Stopping at a tea room can "girly" up the day and all I have to do is eat lunch, be good company and pay the bill. ;) Sometimes it's worth planning for, other times look for opportunities. Once I forgot to call ahead to see if a site was open and drove two hours to find it closed. So we spent the morning shopping and did lunch. She still calls it the best field trip she ever had.

 

Surprisingly we've actually been able to find some common ground through movies and TV. Lately we've had a Doctor Who marathon--enough sci-fi to keep me happy and enough romance and fun to keep her happy. (Not that I don't like the romance and fun, I just probably wouldn't have watched it without the sci-fi aspect and she wouldn't have watched it without the romance and fun). We've spent a lot more time togehter than usual because of it and it's been a good bonding time.

 

I don't have to be all things for her. There are some crafty type 4-H projects that she goes to another mom for, as she has the knowledge and supplies. I buy her nailpolish and now makeup and will help her out when needed, but frankly if it comes down to her needing a whole day of beauty I'd probably ship her and her aunt off together because I'd rather die first. ;)

[dakarimom5]

I had 4 boys before having dd. And while she is only 4 we do things together just her and I like going to Target, getting Starbucks and shopping. I also paint her finger nails and toes too! We also have tea parties and when Tangled came out we went.

 

But our favorite? The fabric store...we could spend hours there...too bad she is very picky about her fabric...that's why I once bought 6 yards of Pooh fabric!!

[mereminerals]

My dd is my youngest so I have had to adjust to having a girl who wants to do "girly" things with mom. Both my ds's were very avidly into sports at her age and that was the world to them.

 

Luckily, I work in a field that seems to embody "girly". My dd loves to come up to the spa with me and just spend time there. Sometimes, she schedules herself a facial with me, or will ask me to massage her neck and scalp if she doesn't feel well. I also started something a couple years ago, where we spend the day shopping, going out to eat at her favorite places and having pedicures together.

 

We also love to bake together. But, that is an area I have had to learn to let go. I very much like to be in control, and well, that doesn't go to well in the kitchen with my perfectionist dd.

[Danestress]

Eating lunch out. Always popular.

 

Seeing movies. She really liked going to see movies in the theater and probably let me watch things she shouldn't have because she wanted to see them, lol.

 

Even getting DVDs that your daughter might like and you sons not so much. Sound of Music. Mary Poppins. There are things my sons never really were interested in.

 

I never loved shopping and still don't. She doesn't either. But I think we had a few fun days shopping a little when I was younger.

 

I would have liked hiking like you do with your sons. Reading together. Kicking a ball around, going to a concert or dance performance or ice skating.

 

I could not have imagined getting a professional manicure or pedicure. Even as a bride, those things were not on my radar, and I think they were not on the radar of most women my age. Now days, though, it seems like a lot of Moms are willing to shell out the money to have their daughter's toes pampered. Seems strange to me - I can't stand anyone messing with my feet.

[JennifersLost]

Lots of good ideas and an interesting mix of reactions/stories!

 

I was a more hands-on mom in all kinds of ways with my sons and I think part of what goes on with my daughter is she is last in line and I've moved on a bit from being a mom. I started a business last year that's taken up so much of my time.

 

I've gotten to a plateau with it, though, and have lifted my head up to find that I've lost my connection with my kids a bit, and her especially.

 

Anyway, today we're doing SuperBowl Sunday/Beauty Day! We're going to cook, put on nailpolish, watch the game, play with our hair.....

 

It ought to work, right?

[Jean in Newcastle]

Lots of good ideas and an interesting mix of reactions/stories!

 

I was a more hands-on mom in all kinds of ways with my sons and I think part of what goes on with my daughter is she is last in line and I've moved on a bit from being a mom. I started a business last year that's taken up so much of my time.

 

I've gotten to a plateau with it, though, and have lifted my head up to find that I've lost my connection with my kids a bit, and her especially.

 

Anyway, today we're doing SuperBowl Sunday/Beauty Day! We're going to cook, put on nailpolish, watch the game, play with our hair.....

 

It ought to work, right?

 

Sounds good! Have fun making memories.:)

[dirty ethel rackham]

What I do with my 10yo daughter: Sew, bake, cook, play with each other's hair, massage each other's feet, watch NCIS, watch figure skating, go rock climbing (a sport be both LOVE.) I do plan to take her for a mani-pedi for a special occasion (like when she gets her first period.) I always thought these were over the top, but dd would love it. Don't plan to make a habit of it, however.

[lllll]

..

Edited December 29, 2012 by ksva

[JennifersLost]

Just wanted to acknowledge what people are saying about telling their daughters they are beautiful.

 

That is something I do do, and it's important to me, too. I also remember the day (it was in second grade for me) that I found out I wasn't beautiful. I stubbornly held on to the conviction that I was beautiful - that other people just couldn't see it - until I was in fifth grade and didn't have a boyfriend when other friends did. Even though I have a husband who adores me and absolutely sees my beauty, it's very hard to heal those childhood hurts.

 

My mother was never able to tell me I was beautiful, and took steps to make sure I wouldn't think of myself that way, either. I think to her beauty meant danger, but that's a whole other post, isn't it!

 

I tell my daughter that she is beautiful, buy her clothes to support that feeling, enrolled her in dance to teach her grace....AND I encourage her in the tomboy department, as well! With three older brothers, she's already pretty tough.