HAVES and HAVE-NOTS

[Scarlett]

I recently read In a Hearbeat which is written by the family in Blind Side about their philosophy for giving. One thing that struck out to me was their popcorn theory. Essentially knowing that they couldn't save the world they decided to help those who "popped" into their lives and their need was right in front of their face. They knew they couldn't help everyone but they could help those within their circle of influence.

 

Love that movie. I feel much the same way about giving. In fact, I had a conversation with ds about this very thing just a few days ago when he was wanting to give to some cause. We have so many that we personally know are going through hard times...family, friends, brothers and sisters. If I have extra, that is where I put it.

[Carol in Cal.]

I recently read In a Hearbeat which is written by the family in Blind Side about their philosophy for giving. One thing that struck out to me was their popcorn theory. Essentially knowing that they couldn't save the world they decided to help those who "popped" into their lives and their need was right in front of their face. They knew they couldn't help everyone but they could help those within their circle of influence.

 

 

The popcorn thing is a great place to start, but for many Americans this doesn't alleviate the burden, because the well-to-do and the very poor do not cross paths very often. I believe in starting with 'popcorn' but also that if nothing pops up into my path I have to go and look for it--and I do just that.

[mazakaal]

We actually pay her twice as much as most ahmas make and several people were MAD at us for it! Like if other ahmas find out what she makes then they will want more money too. I am serious... people were genuinely mad at us.

 

I'm not surprised. It's so sad how people can think that they deserve to have more than others, instead of sharing generously of the blessings that they have received.

 

Sometimes the truth really DOES hurt.

 

Yes, it does. But if it didn't hurt, no one would be motivated to try to change the status quo.

.

[mykdsmomy]

I haven't read through the whole thread but as I read your initial post, these verses came to mind:

Mark 10: 20-22

"Teacher," he declared, "all these I have kept since I was a boy."

 

Jesus looked at him and loved him. "One thing you lack," he said. "Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.

 

At this the man's face fell. He went away sad, because he had great wealth.

 

 

I think your heart is heavy because you see there is much more you can give. I don't just mean monetarily either. Maybe God is calling you to reach out and help these people? Can you offer to go to their home and help them with repairs? Can you share a meal with them? Bake some cookies/etc to share? Develop relationships with these people and meet their needs as you feel led by God.

:grouphug:

[TKDmom]

Real quick, as Muslims then we are required to first look after ourselves, then our nuclear family, then neighbours, and then the greater society. In terms of being God-fearing and imparting knowledge, giving gifts, food, etc. etc. So, if my neighbour is hungry, then, yes, I would be held accountable.

 

 

Thank you for sharing this. I believe the same way, but hadn't heard it phrased so elegantly.

 

Heather, I've also struggled with the discrepancy between myself and those around me. I'm not confronted with the stark contrasts that you see daily, but I am friends with several people who are living in the US illegally. And I see how far below our standards they live. And still they say that it's so much better here and that they cannot bear to return to their home countries to raise their children...

[missesd]

This thread has been very humbling...

[Princess Peach]

Heather, be Queen Esther. Figure out why God picked you to be the beautiful, smart, rich, Christian lady in Malaysia in 2011.

 

It is as simple as that.

 

I always wanted to be Lady Bountiful. It was the surprise of my life when God called me to 'voluntary simplicity' instead! I fought with Him over it. I became a blackbelt tightwad, having enough to provide for my family and to share lots and lots. Every time I got to that place, He took my extra money away again. Over and over! We had so many calamities! I won't enumerate the trials here, but I felt like Job.

 

Still I insisted that helping the poor was my calling. I tried and tried to get in on charitable ministry opportunities, anything to help people who were as poor as I have been and poorer. Every time I found some way to give to the poor, a huge obstacle at home stopped me.

 

Finally, to finish me off, God informed me that all four of my children have celiac disease and their food will cost 3x the budget. The recession has made it so that DH has not worked a full week in a long, long time. All those tightwad skills would go for our own survival alone.

 

I have had to stop weeping for the poor. I have had to acknowledge, "Lord, it is not your will for me to alleviate the suffering of those in need. What is your will? Thy will, not mine."

 

The answer has been so clear. He wanted me to learn to love Him more, and I have learned that beautiful lesson. That was the main thing: slow down, be happy, and love Him. Give us this day our daily bread. My blessings from Him do not tangibly reach into the future. There is no security other than blessed Trust that the manna will always rain down in the wilderness for me.

 

As far as my work as a Christian wife and mother, He has made that clear, as well.

 

He wants this girl from the trailer park who grew up with no running water and slept on the floor....to classically educate her four sons. And I am doing it! He wants this girl from a home framed by mental illness to raise four amazingly talented sons to His glory, and He will raise them up.

 

And when I am done with this task, I believe He would have me open a Charlotte Mason/classical/Christian school for lower middle class children. I think about that all the time, and I am preparing for it.

 

If He called you to be Lady Bountiful, whether with your time, brains, or money, God Be Praised. Be that person. Those of us who would have chosen that calling for ourselves are happy for you, and so pleased that you care so much.

 

If He only needed you to expand your mind a little, share a little more, love a little more, teach your children more compassion...that is still enough of a reason to have blessed you with material things beyond all measure.

 

Count your blessings for what they are: gifts from God. He blessed you with so many gifts. In the midst of your questions about what it all means and what you should do, I hope you notice that you are His daughter and He loves you. It is not wrong to be rich and beautiful and smart, because those things come from Him.

 

This brought tears to my eyes. Thank you so much for sharing.

[Danestress]

My father grew up very poor, even he had things "handed" to him. His parents spoke English. That was a major plus and just an unearned advantage of being second generation. He was very smart. That was just handed to him. No one calls up God and says, "please let me be one of the dumb ones." So he had the benefit on an intelligence he didn't really earn. And looks too, honestly. Even though they didn't aways have enough food, most of the time they did, and that also was just handed to him.

 

So despite his years of hard work (starting at age 12) my father would say that he had a lot "handed" to him. He didn't get to go to college and he didn't own a single toy growing up, and he ate a fair number of "lard sandwiches," but he still could tell you his unearned privileges and was always aware that he had more than many others who also worked hard and kept their noses clean.

 

He always was aware that great financial disparity is a potential root of political unrest. He was a well-off man and a conservative voter and was not someone who wanted the government to redistribute wealth. But he would often see big houses or fancy boats and would always say, "THAT's the kind of thing that causes revolutions."

 

edited to say that I did actually mean to have a point, lol. My point is that financial divides can stress nations, cities and friendships. You are feeling uncomfortable with the financial divide because these people are part of your life. If you didn't know the people at the bus stop, you might feel less uncomfortable, but because you work with them, it's awkward. I think one thing we can all do, and this is why it reminded me of my father, is to make our children feel a little less comfortable with that financial divide not just in personal relationships, but in the world. The day we all start to really think about and care about these things and to pray about what God wants us to do - personally, as a nation, as a world - that will be a good day.

Edited February 3, 2011 by Danestress

[FO4UR]

If you could teach your ahma to read and leave her with materials to teach others when you leave Malaysia, you'll leave a legacy.:iagree: Find a creative way to do this, preserving her dignity,

 

To quote another Bible verse regarding giving:

 

"Don't let your right hand know what your left hand is doing."

 

 

It's evidently not as simple as just giving and being generous b/c of the reaction towards paying your ahma. I think you'll find some lasting ways to bless the people around you as you seek God's love and mercy.

 

Literacy and transportation are two things mentioned in this thread...I'm sure you can find more.

 

You have pull in your school right? What things can your school do to improve the quality of life in the area? Can the school host free to the public reading classes? Can older students get some sort of credit for volunteering in this capacity?

 

Can you donate money designated towards a school mini-bus for the locals' use?

 

Can you bring food for the locals to eat on their breaks?

[JumpedIntoTheDeepEndFirst]

Ugh. I forgot about that one too... We actually pay her twice as much as most ahmas make and several people were MAD at us for it! Like if other ahmas find out what she makes then they will want more money too. I am serious... people were genuinely mad at us.

 

I guess some of this IS me learning, up close and personal, just how lucky Americans truly are to have so many opportunities that others in the world don't have. These people DO work hard...very very hard...and they love, and laugh, and live just like we do... and realizing that just being born in America gives you this HUGE head start on the rest of the world is a tough pill to swallow.

 

Sometimes the truth really DOES hurt.

 

Americans are tremendously fortunate when it comes to material possessions. Even those who think they have very little have far more than most of the world's population.

 

To address your quote above first...of course they were mad at you. There is probably a local wage that is a sort of unofficial standard wage for particular types of employment. And yes, the others will find out what she earns and will want the same wage, with appropriate increases every few years. Often in countries where wages are much lower for housekeepers/gardeners/nannies/etc. than we would expect to pay in the US (or another similar home country) the expats pay the standard local wage with yearly or holiday bonuses. To pay more is to break the curve. Now not only your employee but others will expect this sort of rate because you pay it. (As an aside they may try to negotiate higher wages by saying others will pay more and find them selves in a situation where they loose employment via this tactic. Their employer might refuse and they will then be forced to quit or be unhappy.) Others will begin to ask for the same pay and the scale will go up for domestic workers in general. Once the scale goes too high fewer people will receive domestic work--ie. a single employer will be able to employ fewer people. It will trickle down from the expats to the locals who have domestic help. You have now affected the local economy and potentially, in the long run, to the negative. I have seen this happen over time in countries I have lived in. Families who used to employ a nanny, housekeeper and driver had to give up all three and focus on a multi-purpose housekeeper who would baby sit and run errands. She had a greater work load than in the past and had to multi-task. And 2 of the 3 employees became unemployed. Furthermore, if you don't impact the economy then your employee may not receive the same wage when you leave and that will impact her family. Just because you can afford to pay more doesn't mean that you should. You should pay what is considered a fair wage locally or even slightly higher if deserved. There is a difference between employing someone for honest labor and taking on a charity case-be careful you don't upset the balance.

 

Don't misunderstand me-I am not for paying unfair wages to a person who works hard. Or taking advantage of local employees. But what is a fair wage must be scaled to the economy that person survives in. That may be why some of the folks were mad at you.

 

Someone mentioned Downton Abbey earlier-there was a great line when the heir to the title wanted to fire his butler/valet. I can't quote it exactly but it had to do with a man wanting and needing honest labor and the heir's position as the more fortunate created a duty to provide such employment.

 

Which brings up a good point-if you wish to help those less fortunate than yourself choose carefully how you do it with those you know personally. First, they may see your charity as a perk or bonus rather than charity and expect it from all ex-pat employers in the future. Second-these people work and honest job for what I presume is an honest (if local normed) wage. Do not insult them by offering charity. They do have pride and you may be hurting their pride by implying that they require charity. Providing to those you know is difficult. By way of example-I once had a TV bust overseas and hired the local "guy" to assist me in installing the new TV (don't ask-it was complicated). He asked if I just wanted a fancy new TV and I said no the old one was old and broken. He asked if he could have the TV since he could fix it-I was happy to offer it to him since it was headed to the trash but he refused payment for services and took the TV for barter. I tried to insist but he wouldn't have my money. He considered it ripping me off and he had his pride. His work was worth my TV, he wasn't a charity case.

 

Life overseas just isn't the same. You are fortunate and find an appropriate outlet for your charity but select it with care.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

could you talk the school into buying a carpool van for the workers?

 

This is an intriguing idea. Does your city have private van-buses? I've been in cities overseas where there were privately operated, but still route organized or contract bus services that used large vans.

 

Would this be something that the school might consider, even if it were doing pick ups and drop offs at centralized locations around the city? (I can't remember if the school boards or if there is any form of transportation for day students. The private schools in Berlin used several private transportation companies.)

 

There might even be a potential security benefit for the local staff.

[missmoe]

Heavenly Father has blessed you abundently in this area of your life. Please remember that He is blessing others in other ways.

 

And just as you have a heart to share the way you were blessed with others. Let others bless you. Be humbled when invited to share Christmas Eve, but realize your ahma is recieving blessings for serving you.

 

I think in the US we see money first and for most. I think we don't look beyond it much. We don't see how money can actually hinder our growth towards becoming a better person. How many of us have spent numerous weekends taking care of our stuff? We need to get the car washed, gas-up, get the boat ready for our trip, retile the bathroom , repaint a bedroom, sew new curtains, wrap presents, shop for presents, clean and dust the huge house we live in, ect. Without our time wrapped up in material things, perhaps we could be serving others, developing relationships, enjoying God's creations, reading our scriptures or other good works, ect.

 

So while I'm not saying others should go without basic needs such as food, water, housing, education, ect--I am putting out the question--would everyone in the world really be better off if they lived as Americans live? Has being a priviligded country really helped us individually be better people?

 

I had a professor describe different trials. One of them was the trial of no trials. How do we act when we are abundantly blessed? Do we still lean on our Heavenly Father? or do we tend to turn to him when things are really hard? Perhaps that is the blessing of living a hard life---a strong relationship with those around us and with Heavenly Father.

 

I don't think any of us have all the answers, but these are the things I try to think of when I'm faced with the same question you are faced with.

[Susan in KY]

OK...this might sound crazy but I have wondered if my ahma would like to learn to read. She can speak 4 languages but she can't read any of them as she didn't go to school. I wonder if she would like to learn to read English as skills in English are very big "plus" in this country. But I just can't figure out how to ask her without offending her.

 

Just ask. When we lived in Africa, we taught our househelper how to use the computer. When we left, he was able to move into an administrative position with a local agency because he knew how to operate a word processor. Now I hear he traded in his bike for a motorcycle and is a big man around town. :) It really made me happy we could help him and his family. He is a very humble and dignified man.

 

The other thing that helped when we were in Africa was that we never got a vehicle. We walked, rode bikes, or took public transit most of the time. We borrowed vehicles, too, for the occasional trip away. I think that that did more to break down walls than anything else, to tell you the truth. I don't know if you can do that (walk or bike), but you may consider leaving the car home sometimes. It didn't take much for the local pastors to consider my husband a man of the people, and they loved him for it. Many times we heard that something had been said about us walking the 2 miles to church (me preggo!), or him biking. The effort was noticed and appreciated.

[ElizabethB]

What are the other languages she speaks?

 

Laubach developed some great syllabaries in a number of different languages to teach people how to read. In some perfectly phonetic languages like Spanish, he had people reading in as little as 3 hours and most everyone within a week.

 

The Spanish one has pictures across the top for each vowel, words that start with that vowel sound. Then, he has pictures down that correspond to a consonant, down the syllabary. For example, a picture of a shoe, the word zapato, then za ze zi zo zu. (In Spanish, pronounced zah zay zee zo zoo, like Latin long vowels.). The pictures across are ala, escalara, iglesia, ojo, and una. (the Spanish ny, I do not know how to make the marking here.)

 

So, they could look at the chart and use it to sound out anything. Laubach called it a "picture chain chart."

Edited February 3, 2011 by ElizabethB

[Susan in KY]

That is a great idea!

 

And, I have a good plan. You do not ask her, you tell her that you need her to be able to read to your children as part of her employment duties and that you will work with her a bit each day so that she can be trained to do this.

:iagree: This is so perfect!

[tex-mex]

but, well, you are over-privileged. You might as well have been borne into their neighbourhood (but you weren't).

 

Some people get over it. Others make a lifestyle change and decide to change the world.

 

Also, in general, live within your means and help with charity.

:iagree: Let it be a "spark" to change what you can in your corner of the world. Much of the world is like this. Hopefully, you can help the staff people see the sterotypical "rich American" in a better light via charity or getting to know them better.

[astrid]

Can I just hire you to be my own personal conscience? :D

 

Hard as it may be for some "haves" to believe, there are some things that cannot be purchased. A person conscience, I believe, is not one of them.

 

astrid

[pqr]

:iagree: Let it be a "spark" to change what you can in your corner of the world. Much of the world is like this. Hopefully, you can help the staff people see the sterotypical "rich American" in a better light via charity or getting to know them better.

 

 

Pay your staff double the going wage and they will still see the stereotypical American , now it will be the rich and stupid American.

 

Having lived overseas for many years I have seen the naive newcomer arrive with fair frequency. He has airy fairy ideas about wages and is a disaster, simply because he does not think. He goes with emotion and a do gooder attitude that does great harm.

 

First the expatriate is not a monster. Most of us care deeply for our staff, we pay hospital bills, we import unavailable medicines, we look after our staff. When we leave there are tears and we go to great lengths to ensure that they have jobs to go to. Not only do we find them jobs we find them jobs with people we trust. The question "Will you hire my maid?" is not asked lightly nor dismissed in a similar manner, it is intensely personal.

 

We trust our staff with our children, in some nations we trust them with our very lives. They are family, we go to weddings, we play with their grandchildren, we subsidize birthdays, we pay large severance packages (this is not pay so it does not have the same impact a doubling wages).

 

What we do not do, what we never do is double their salary. This is frankly silly and counterproductive to the extreme. What happens when you leave and the staff now works for a local (no expatriates being available). The local will not pay what you paid and you have guaranteed that your employee will be miserable in her new job. Well done!

 

I know expatriates who have hired up to 20 staff, not because they need them but because it was a form of charity. One expatriate had her lawn mowed twice a day so that she could provide a job for the 4 gardeners and still leave them pride in being paid for work. Suddenly a do gooder arrived and moved in next door. He paid triple the going wage. Guess what happened....turmoil in the first household. Misery and jealously and a pay raise PLUS letting go 50% of the staff. Well done!

 

There is much that you can do. Educate your staff, I insisted that mine learned English, while I learned their language. When I left they were sought after for their language skills and then were paid a better wage.

 

Understand that the primary employers in a nation are the locals. Expatriates are temporary and leave. If you generate, in your staff, an expectation of wages far in excess of the norm you have also guaranteed that they will not be hired by a local.

 

I would recommend that any new expatriate, sit on their hands for the first year and do not interfere with a system until they understand the second and third order effects of a "gesture."

[JumpedIntoTheDeepEndFirst]

Can I just hire you to be my own personal conscience? :D

 

It is interesting the comment you make about helping your "neighbors" because you CAN. I had a conversation at work the other day with a co-worker. Her ahma needed some extra money for a family crisis she was having and asked her for money. My co-worker refused. She told me she didn't want to "encourage" that kind of behavior. :confused:

 

So then I am thinking I am this huge push-over because we give our ahma extra money all the time simply because we know she needs it. And then I thought "NO. We are blessed. We need to share that blessing."

 

I know part of it is because I see so much need everywhere I look and I just start feeling helpless and overwhelmed by it because I would fix it all if I could but I can't and .... sigh....

 

You might be a push over. It depends on how well you know your staff. I know one person who had a staff member that had several situations like this come up and they tried to advance salary and help with cash gifts. Unfortunately, this situation ended badly. Employment was terminated when the expat family caught the employee on film stealing cash directly from the wife's purse.

 

Sometimes a valued member of your staff needs help. Sometimes they are playing you for a rich expat sucker. You need to learn the difference. But remember, they are your employee not your charity case. Let them have the pride of being a hard worker who does high quality work and earn a reputation that will earn them a successful career. Among the American expats I knew the highest compliment a nanny/housekeeper could be given was to be an "Alice" (a Brady Bunch reference) She was a staff member that was an honest, hard working professional who was deeply cared for by the family as if they were a member of the family themselves. When we left our dear "Alice" it was heart breaking to say goodbye on everyone's part.

[EKS]

Exactly. Almost everything in life is doled out according to the accident of birth, and most Americans just don't realize that. They think that because they work their forty or so hours a week and stay out of trouble, they've somehow earned the right to have a standard of living that is multiple times higher than most of the world, ignoring the fact that most people living in poverty worldwide work even harder, and get far, far less.

 

...the truth is that you feel bad because life is horribly unfair, and you have so much more not because you've earned it, but because of sheer luck. More of us should be aware enough to feel bad about it.

 

:iagree:

[TravelingChris]

I find it a blessing to be able to hire people, to be able to buy products we want and need and that employ others. We like to travel and when we go to restaurants, we tip well. I don't find it embarrassing but I also don't find it anything I should lord over anyone either. It isn't a secret how much money my dh makes since there are charts all over the internet that can tell people. Why would it be embarrassing to pay someone for doing honest labor? Yes, I have a car (older, 7 years old or 10 years old) but I am not pining away for other people's cars or other people's houses. In the same way, I don't think most emotionally healthy people feel anything except this is nice when they go to a house with a pool, not woe is me and isn't it unfair. And, no, I don't think we got everything we have by hard work. Yes, both dh and I came from families with low incomes (me after my father died) and now we are in much higher income brackets. Partly that happened by our hard work but also because someone let us in that college, gave us those grants, and someone promoted my h, etc. IS it hard work, mostly, but also luck. THat is simply looking at it in the USA. IN terms of our luck to be born in a country with freedom, no internal war, no devastating disaster, that could be seen as luck or in our eyes, God's plan. No, that doesn't mean we are specially blessed by God because he saw we were special but more like we have lots to be thankful for.

[Mejane]

Agreeing with Christina above. We are very fortunate that dh has a good job and we can spend when we need or want to. We pay lots of taxes, buy, employ, and give. I don't feel guilty or embarrassed, but I do feel a certain responsibility to be a good steward of our money. Mostly, I try to remember that much is required of those to whom much is given, and that is what I teach my kids.

Edited February 3, 2011 by Mejane

[Sebastian (a lady)]

I think that Americans do have a discomfort with household staff. I certainly remember feeling very uncomfortable when our housekeeper started working for us overseas. I went for almost a year before I hired someone.

 

But the fact was there were too many obligations that I ought to have been attending that I wasn't. Or I was hiring American expat teenagers and spending even more money on that than I would have for a housekeeper. Or we weren't holding the events that we ought to be, because it was so much extra work on top of homeschooling and mothering to prepare for a home event and clean up afterward.

 

Our housekeeper's #1 job was taking care of my kids. To make sure that she would be available when I needed her, I made sure that I gave her enough employment that she didn't have to work for anyone else too.

 

I understand what you are saying about feeling odd about having someone else clean your house. About feeling that you are taking advantage of them. But people take jobs that offer more to them than their other alternatives. If someone is offering to do maid work, it is because the money is better than the other options they have, or the hours are better than other jobs would be, or they are able to work multiple jobs if one involves cleaning.

 

If you could use the help and they could use the work, then I don't know who you are protecting by not hiring someone.

[tex-mex]

Pay your staff double the going wage and they will still see the stereotypical American , now it will be the rich and stupid American.

W-e-l-l, I wasn't about to come out and say that... :rolleyes: but yes, as one who has also lived overseas as a missionary, yes. You can easily be taken advantage of and create a firestorm culturally by overpaying a local.

 

Having lived overseas for many years I have seen the naive newcomer arrive with fair frequency. He has airy fairy ideas about wages and is a disaster, simply because he does not think. He goes with emotion and a do gooder attitude that does great harm.

:iagree:

 

First the expatriate is not a monster. Most of us care deeply for our staff, we pay hospital bills, we import unavailable medicines, we look after our staff. When we leave there are tears and we go to great lengths to ensure that they have jobs to go to. Not only do we find them jobs we find them jobs with people we trust. The question "Will you hire my maid?" is not asked lightly nor dismissed in a similar manner, it is intensely personal.

 

We trust our staff with our children, in some nations we trust them with our very lives. They are family, we go to weddings, we play with their grandchildren, we subsidize birthdays, we pay large severance packages (this is not pay so it does not have the same impact a doubling wages).

Absolutely. If they are ill or die -- we grieve as if we also are family. I remember giving money to our dear friend in India who was needing a kidney transplant but the local official wanted a bribe. We paid it. Our friend died soon after, but we never got over the pain of seeing the injustice over what here in America is a simple medical solution. To us, that dear friend was family. But it also created a blowback effect with others greedily demanding $$$ for a long time.

 

What we do not do, what we never do is double their salary. This is frankly silly and counterproductive to the extreme. What happens when you leave and the staff now works for a local (no expatriates being available). The local will not pay what you paid and you have guaranteed that your employee will be miserable in her new job. Well done!

 

I know expatriates who have hired up to 20 staff, not because they need them but because it was a form of charity. One expatriate had her lawn mowed twice a day so that she could provide a job for the 4 gardeners and still leave them pride in being paid for work. Suddenly a do gooder arrived and moved in next door. He paid triple the going wage. Guess what happened....turmoil in the first household. Misery and jealously and a pay raise PLUS letting go 50% of the staff. Well done!

In India, for us, it was beyond crazy with locals taking advantage of our naive nature.

 

There is much that you can do. Educate your staff, I insisted that mine learned English, while I learned their language. When I left they were sought after for their language skills and then were paid a better wage.

 

Understand that the primary employers in a nation are the locals. Expatriates are temporary and leave. If you generate, in your staff, an expectation of wages far in excess of the norm you have also guaranteed that they will not be hired by a local.

 

I would recommend that any new expatriate, sit on their hands for the first year and do not interfere with a system until they understand the second and third order effects of a "gesture."

:iagree:

Edited February 4, 2011 by tex-mex

[justamouse]

But I just can't figure out how to ask her without offending her.

 

Ask in the humility that's been given you.

 

Heather, be Queen Esther. Figure out why God picked you to be the beautiful, smart, rich, Christian lady in Malaysia in 2011.

 

It is as simple as that.

 

I always wanted to be Lady Bountiful. It was the surprise of my life when God called me to 'voluntary simplicity' instead! I fought with Him over it. I became a blackbelt tightwad, having enough to provide for my family and to share lots and lots. Every time I got to that place, He took my extra money away again. Over and over! We had so many calamities! I won't enumerate the trials here, but I felt like Job.

 

Still I insisted that helping the poor was my calling. I tried and tried to get in on charitable ministry opportunities, anything to help people who were as poor as I have been and poorer. Every time I found some way to give to the poor, a huge obstacle at home stopped me.

 

Finally, to finish me off, God informed me that all four of my children have celiac disease and their food will cost 3x the budget. The recession has made it so that DH has not worked a full week in a long, long time. All those tightwad skills would go for our own survival alone.

 

I have had to stop weeping for the poor. I have had to acknowledge, "Lord, it is not your will for me to alleviate the suffering of those in need. What is your will? Thy will, not mine."

 

The answer has been so clear. He wanted me to learn to love Him more, and I have learned that beautiful lesson. That was the main thing: slow down, be happy, and love Him. Give us this day our daily bread. My blessings from Him do not tangibly reach into the future. There is no security other than blessed Trust that the manna will always rain down in the wilderness for me.

 

As far as my work as a Christian wife and mother, He has made that clear, as well.

 

He wants this girl from the trailer park who grew up with no running water and slept on the floor....to classically educate her four sons. And I am doing it! He wants this girl from a home framed by mental illness to raise four amazingly talented sons to His glory, and He will raise them up.

 

And when I am done with this task, I believe He would have me open a Charlotte Mason/classical/Christian school for lower middle class children. I think about that all the time, and I am preparing for it.

 

If He called you to be Lady Bountiful, whether with your time, brains, or money, God Be Praised. Be that person. Those of us who would have chosen that calling for ourselves are happy for you, and so pleased that you care so much.

 

If He only needed you to expand your mind a little, share a little more, love a little more, teach your children more compassion...that is still enough of a reason to have blessed you with material things beyond all measure.

 

Count your blessings for what they are: gifts from God. He blessed you with so many gifts. In the midst of your questions about what it all means and what you should do, I hope you notice that you are His daughter and He loves you. It is not wrong to be rich and beautiful and smart, because those things come from Him.

 

This is the most beautiful post in the whole thread.

 

Dulcimeramy nailed it. To those much is given, much is required. It's a huge responsibility. My husband is blessed. Whatever hits his hands becomes fruitful. Ever since he was a little kid. But here's the thing-he is the most *humble* person I know, which was the number one main reason I married him.

 

Earning more and having a conscience is hard. Becoming overwhelmed by guilt will get you no where. It will paralyze you. Know it, feel it, let it go and use it to move you to what you are supposed to do. And keep giving it all away, it only comes back triple and you end up having to give that away, too. :001_smile: Be the funnel. Live your life in abundant charity.

 

Hot ****, I agree with pqr again, too. It wasn't that bad a word, really.

 

It's a full moon, right? It must be.

 

There has to be wisdom in how you spread the wealth. Which is a two edged sword because some people will always misunderstand and accuse. Just stand and trust.

Edited February 4, 2011 by justamouse

[Heather in Neverland]

Hard as it may be for some "haves" to believe, there are some things that cannot be purchased. A person conscience, I believe, is not one of them.

 

astrid

 

Did you notice the smiley face? It was said tongue-in-cheek.

[astrid]

Did you notice the smiley face? It was said tongue-in-cheek.

 

Yes. I noticed it. That's why I included it in the quoted text to which I was responding.

 

astrid

[Heather in Neverland]

Pay your staff double the going wage and they will still see the stereotypical American , now it will be the rich and stupid American.

 

We hired her to be our housekeeper and we paid her the going rate. Then we adopted an infant. So then we needed her to be our housekeeper AND a full-time nanny...and she cooks. So we increased her wage accordingly. She is taking care of our daughter...that means more to us than anything and you get what you pay for.

 

 

What we do not do, what we never do is double their salary. This is frankly silly and counterproductive to the extreme. I think my ahma would disagree especially since her husband was in a motorcycle accident and cannot work for at least a year while BOTH of his broken femurs heal. If it were not for the extra salary we give her they would starve. Call me silly I guess.

 

What happens when you leave and the staff now works for a local (no expatriates being available). The local will not pay what you paid and you have guaranteed that your employee will be miserable in her new job. Well done! I am not her first employer. And she is not an idiot. SHe knows very well what others pay and that we pay more and she appreciates it but she is not so stupid as to think that her next employer will be as generous. She knows they won't be which is why she works hard for us. SHe knows that if we ever leave she won't get a job that pays this much. It won't be a "surprise" making her suddenly "miserable"... but thank you for trying to make me feel worse. You really need a few lessons in how to address a situation in a compassionate manner yourself.

 

I know expatriates who have hired up to 20 staff, not because they need them but because it was a form of charity. One expatriate had her lawn mowed twice a day so that she could provide a job for the 4 gardeners and still leave them pride in being paid for work. Suddenly a do gooder arrived and moved in next door. He paid triple the going wage. Guess what happened....turmoil in the first household. Misery and jealously and a pay raise PLUS letting go 50% of the staff. Well done! No one at my school makes enough money to hire more than one full-time ahma. SO no issue there. I really doubt that I will single-handedly bring down the Malaysian economy by paying my maid more and in fact she has been able to send her oldest daughter to a local business school because of the wage we pay her.

 

Understand that the primary employers in a nation are the locals. Expatriates are temporary and leave. If you generate, in your staff, an expectation of wages far in excess of the norm you have also guaranteed that they will not be hired by a local. Again, you act is if these people are idiots. They KNOW what locals pay and so they prefer to work for expats. And they appreciate their jobs. They do NOT expect the locals to pay the same because they KNOW they won't.

 

 

.

[justamouse]

Far be it from me to defend pqr, but I honestly didn't read his post the way you did-but then again, I am not in your position. I just read it as a 'this is what happened here' and what frustrated him.

[pqr]

In 20 plus years of living as an expatriate I have never treated my staff as idiots, I have looked after them as best I can and in cases such as you describe (re the motorcycle accident) I do help. Nevertheless you make certain assumptions. When living in SE Asia we had staff, and we knew the people well, very well. We also knew the economic situation they lived in. Your comment "I think my ahma would disagree especially since her husband was in a motorcycle accident and cannot work for at least a year while BOTH of his broken femurs heal. If it were not for the extra salary we give her they would starve. Call me silly I guess" is interesting because no family with a single income starves in Malaysia. That is the whole point, maid can support a family, it may be tight but she can do it. I assume you have been into the kampung and the small tokos to see the prices that the locals pay. I am not talking about American hairspray but the necessities of life.

If she was so close to the edge on the initial income that she had, and then her husband was out of work for a year how does she now support a husband and "send her oldest daughter to a local business school because of the wage we pay her." Either she was barely making it or she was not, it seems your addition has helped her greatly but honestly it now supports the family, makes up for a husband's lost wages, AND pays for business school?

 

You are correct you will not "single-handedly bring down the Malaysian economy by paying my maid more" but you and 100 others like you can certainly do damage in the local area and in the local Kampung where you may have introduced great disparity in wages, caused jealousy and placed other employers in a situation where they are now seen negatively because of your actions.

 

Even you asked if you were a push over, the answer may be yes.

 

 

There is a reason that other employers were angered when they found out what you are paying and it is not because they are ogres, perhaps they understand the ramifications.

 

A good employee does know when thay have a good deal, but humans are humans and even with one's eyes wide open there is a degree of misery when suddenly earning less than a third of what you did before. Understand that locals may never want to hire her because of what you have done in payment and other activities.

 

Like you I have great affection for my staff, but when living in a foreign nation, one should understand the system prior to attempting to change it.

Edited February 4, 2011 by pqr

[Heather in Neverland]

In 20 plus years of living as an expatriate I have never treated my staff as idiots, I have looked after them as best I can and in cases such as you describe (re the motorcycle accident) I do help. Nevertheless you make certain assumptions. When living in SE Asia we had staff, and we knew the people well, very well. We also knew the economic situation they lived in. Your comment "I think my ahma would disagree especially since her husband was in a motorcycle accident and cannot work for at least a year while BOTH of his broken femurs heal. If it were not for the extra salary we give her they would starve. Call me silly I guess" is interesting because no family with a single income starves in Malaysia. That is actually not true at all. There are plenty of families here with only one income that are near to starving because their one "income" is so paltry on an island where the cost of living is going through the roof...even for the locals.

 

That is the whole point, maid can support a family, it may be tight but she can do it. I assume you have been into the kampung and the small tokos to see the prices that the locals pay. I am not talking about American hairspray but the necessities of life. The rent on her tiny apartment has quadrupled in the last 5 years. It now takes exactly half of her salary just to pay rent. It is not quite as easy for a maid to support her family as you think. At least not here.

 

If she was so close to the edge on the initial income that she had, and then her husband was out of work for a year how does she now support a husband and "send her oldest daughter to a local business school because of the wage we pay her." Either she was barely making it or she was not, it seems your addition has helped her greatly but honestly it now supports the family and pays for business school? Let me be more clear... this accident happened at christmas. Between her husband's very low salary and her salary they were able to make ends meet and pay for their daughter to take classes. Now because of the accident the daughter cannot take classes but due to our ahma's salary they can still survive.

 

You are correct you will not "single-handedly bring down the Malaysian economy by paying my maid more" but you and 100 others like you can certainly do damage in the local area and in the local Kampung where you may have introduced great disparity in wages, caused jealousy and placed other employers in a situation where they are now seen negatively because of your actions. I guess the kampung where she lives just isn't quite so vicious. Her friends are actually happy for her and she has on occasion been able to help them when they needed it because we help her.

 

Even you asked if you were a push over, the answer may be yes. Probably true. I am ok with that.

 

There is a reason that other employers were angered when they found out what you are paying and it is not because they are ogres, perhaps they understand the ramifications.

 

A good employee does know when thay have a good deal, but humans are humans and even with one's eyes wide open there is a degree of misery when suddenly earning less than a third of what you did before. Understand that locals may never want to hire her because of what you have done in payment and other activities.

 

Like you I have great affection for my staff, but when living in a foreign nation, one should understand the system prior to attempting to change it. I doubt I could change the whole system even if I tried but maybe I can make life better for just one family.

.

[Heather in Neverland]

Earning more and having a conscience is hard. Becoming overwhelmed by guilt will get you no where. It will paralyze you. Know it, feel it, let it go and use it to move you to what you are supposed to do. And keep giving it all away, it only comes back triple and you end up having to give that away, too. :001_smile: Be the funnel. Live your life in abundant charity.

[/i]

 

Because this is the first time I have ever been in such a position I think the huge gap has indeed paralyzed me a bit. And now I am starting to feel the need to do something BESIDES feel guilty. The guilt is not really helping anything. I know. I am trying to let it go and listen for what God wants me to do...He put me here in this position for a reason. What is it? I know it is not just to be a principal. I could do that anywhere. Why here...on this tiny island?

 

One of the things dh and I have been talking about is trying to spend most of our money locally and not at the big chain restaurants or huge malls that charge western prices, etc. We are trying to buy as much of our food as possible from the locals at their little markets...even clothes and such...We know to these people every little dime (ringgett) counts.

 

So while it is easy to go to things that are familiar like Chili's restaurant all the time, :D we are trying to contribute to the mom and pop shops more.

 

It has been such an eye-opening experience to go from one situation in life where you really weren't any better off than anyone else you knew to suddenly being in the higher income brackets. I think I am just trying to mentally adjust to the switch. The funny thing is, I make less than half of what I made in the states! Life is so weird sometimes.

[forevergrace]

Hey Heather~~

Wow, you know I often read about your adventures. When you were adopting your daughter; the joy, the worry. I was so happy for you and your family. You are blessed, and seeing things in the light you do gives so much more to you then the norm. Be who you are (sounds wishy-washy) and trust that everyone in this life is exactly where they need to be, just as you are.

 

Don't feel sorry for happiness at the joy you witness by going to your Ahma's (sorry if spelling is off) house for Christmas. They have all they need, maybe not what you would consider necessary in terms of material objects, but, in true love and family. Sometimes we lack the simplicity we see in others, and sometimes we wish for the simple joy that is overlooked.

 

I know this is true for me, in both aspects. One being; we are not terribly rich, more of the "middle of the road Joe." However, I am always reminded just how blessed I am when I see others who have less, or I realize how lucky we are that we are healthy and together!!! My Mom use to tell us, "there will always be others that have more than you, and others that will have less than you, remember who you are!" ~~Always~~

[pqr]

Ask yourself this, why is almost everybody with any length of experience as an expatriate warning you about what you are doing? Do you think it is because we want your maid to do with less? Do you think it is because we are hateful people who revel in the poverty of others? As I said I have had a staff, and I saw them as family, do you think that I enjoyed not paying them as much as I could afford?

 

We are doing it to warn you that you are setting yourself, your maid and others up for problems.

 

Truth be told there is little you can now do as one can hardly reduce wages, but you made a mistake. We all do and sometimes there are people who can help us see where we went wrong. Posters on this board have pointed it out to you, in detail, but what you do with the advice is up to you.

 

All the best pqr

[Colleen]

WHY do I feel this way? I have worked hard, gone to college. I have three degrees. I have worked my way up the ladder. Dh can say the same. I have earned everything that I have. Nothing has EVER been handed to me.

I'm surprised you'd say this, Heather. Of course things have been handed to you. LIFE has been handed to you. You (and I, and pretty much everyone on this board) was born with advantages inherent to the majority of the world's population. You know that.

So why am I embarassed of my success?

Because you know in your heart of hearts that you didn't earn the right to what you have.

Why does it embarass me to have so much when others I know and care about have so little?

That's easy: Because you have a conscience. The hard part is genuinely acting upon that conscience.

Why do I worry so much that these people must think us expats are all just... over privileged?

Because you are.

Why does my heart hurt so much?

Because you (and I) feel better when we reassure ourselves that, gee golly, at least we feel bad about it. But we know the imbalance doesn't make sense. We know we lucked out. It's good that you're compelled now to do something aside from wring your hands about it. It's good that you realize going to familiar Western chain restaurants is illogical, given what you say in this thread.

 

Be there, Heather. Truly be present. One of the best things we can do for any community is be present in that community, not just in body, not just theoretically, but in a very real, practical, and financial sense.

[Deb in NZ]

Americans are tremendously fortunate when it comes to material possessions. Even those who think they have very little have far more than most of the world's population.

 

Which brings up a good point-if you wish to help those less fortunate than yourself choose carefully how you do it with those you know personally. First, they may see your charity as a perk or bonus rather than charity and expect it from all ex-pat employers in the future. Second-these people work and honest job for what I presume is an honest (if local normed) wage. Do not insult them by offering charity. They do have pride and you may be hurting their pride by implying that they require charity. Providing to those you know is difficult. By way of example-I once had a TV bust overseas and hired the local "guy" to assist me in installing the new TV (don't ask-it was complicated). He asked if I just wanted a fancy new TV and I said no the old one was old and broken. He asked if he could have the TV since he could fix it-I was happy to offer it to him since it was headed to the trash but he refused payment for services and took the TV for barter. I tried to insist but he wouldn't have my money. He considered it ripping me off and he had his pride. His work was worth my TV, he wasn't a charity case.

 

Life overseas just isn't the same. You are fortunate and find an appropriate outlet for your charity but select it with care.

 

The above quote makes some valid points. As Americans (or people from devoloped Western nations) we judge the world & how it works by what is right or wrong in our society. Don't get me wrong...I am not for westerners coming into a 3rd world country & taking advantage of the locals. But who are we to say that what we see as acceptable is what the locals want or see as important? Yes, taking the bus isn't as comfortable as riding in a airconditioned SUV, but riding the bus with your friends & neighbours may be a relaxing way to wind down & catch up on the day's happening. They may be stopping off at the market on the way home to get food for dinner. When I lived in Fiji with my 2 babies, we got around by the local buses. It was dusty & hot, but it didn't hurt me to travel that way. It wasn't demeaning in any way. We had a housegirl in the mornings & we paid her the going rate, but that was not much by US standards. We did provide meals during work hours & she used our shower before she went home as she had no running water at home. Paying her US minimum wage would have up-set the balance in the village in which she lived.

 

Your idea of teaching her to read is a good one & will give her long-term skills for employment after you return to the US. Making it a "requirement" of her duties will help her to save face at home. Help where you are able, but sometimes too much help for the short time you are overseas will make them dissatisfied with their life. You are not able to recreate an American lifestyle for them & to make that be the ideal from which you judge an acceptable standard of living from is not helping at all.

 

Sorry if this seems harsh, I've just seen too many Americans who are overseas to "serve" try to create "Little America." I've seen it in Majuro, in Fiji, & here in NZ. What we see as poverty because they own very little, they may see as enough as they are healthy, have enough food for their children, a place to live, & a job where they are happy.

 

JMHO,

[Miss Sherry]

"Nothing has EVER been handed to me."

 

I obviously don't know you or them personally, but I doubt this is true. I suspect that if your birth mother had been malnourished, for example, she could have gotten state aid or private charity and you could have been born well-nourished. Is this true for all people you meet? If, as a child, you became really ill in the US, ERs are legally required to help you. Is this true for others? Your education in the US was free K-12 and loans were available for college. Is this true for others? Your water was always safe, your electricity always worked, your teachers always had college degrees and books for each child. Etc.

 

I think a lot is just handed to us in this country and that isn't true elsewhere. Sure, you still need some skin in the game to have a middle class life style in the US, but it is possible for most people to ascend to the middle class. I don't believe that is true everywhere.

 

:iagree: Yes, saying nothing was handed to me, well, a lot was handed to her.

The fact you were able to attend college instead of caring for aged parents or orphaned siblings was in a way, handed to to you. The fact you didn't have any learning disabilities was handed to you. I could go on. I don't think you need to feel guilty about it. But I don't exactly believe the statement I hear people say "I've earned everything I have " as if others with less didn't work just as hard for the little they have. To "earn everything you have" depends on the society you flourished in to have had those opportunities available to you. No one is "successful" in a vacuum.

But really, I don't think you need to feel guilty.

Edited February 4, 2011 by Miss Sherry

[simka2]

Heather, I just want to say...I have learned so much from you and the life you lead. You are a beautiful person! There has been some very good advice given, and although the tone has been a bit off putting at times..I do think it is sound.

 

I think you have a wonderful oppurtunity to pass on marketable skills...or even hire more help (I have no real idea of your finaces so this is just an idea).

 

Blessings to you...and no you will not single handedly take down the local government :tongue_smilie:.

 

:grouphug:'s!

[katemary63]

I haven't read all the replies. My thought is, I don't believe it is healthy to feel GUILTY that you have been blessed or successful. I just don't. There's nothing wrong with being blessed, being American, or being intelligent and ambitious and reaping the rewards.

 

This is what I would do:

Treat everyone with kindness and respect.

Don't consider yourself better then anyone else no matter their station or yours.

Don't pitty people because they have a different, less "afluent" life then you. If they have food, clothes and a roof, they have a good life.

(ex: There's no reason to feel bad for someone who takes public transportation home from work. It's a prefectly acceptable way to get around!) People can feel it when you pity them.

Don't be ashamed of your life either.

Give to charity generously (and hopefully anonymously).

Have compasion for those who are truly suffering and do what you can to help.

 

I read once about an actor (can't remember who) who went to film in an asian country. He was offered a ride in a rickshaw pulled by a local man. He refused and said he would never "use" another man like that and that he would walk instead. Someone pointed out to him that he had just made the man feel shamed when he was actually proud of his work. He was a good, hard working man in his country and this actor had made it seem like his life was shameful when it really wasn't at all in his culture. The actor felt foolish after he realized what he had done and used the rickshaws for the rest of his time there. It seems to me like some of this thinking is effecting you - maybe.....like where the maids are concerned or the repair guys?

[wapiti]

I haven't read all the replies. My thought is, I don't believe it is healthy to feel GUILTY that you have been blessed or successful. I just don't. There's nothing wrong with being blessed, being American, or being intelligent and ambitious and reaping the rewards.

 

This is what I would do:

Treat everyone with kindness and respect.

Don't consider yourself better then anyone else no matter their station or yours.

Don't pitty people because they have a different, less "afluent" life then you. If they have food, clothes and a roof, they have a good life.

(ex: There's no reason to feel bad for someone who takes public transportation home from work. It's a prefectly acceptable way to get around!) People can feel it when you pity them.

Don't be ashamed of your life either.

Give to charity generously (and hopefully anonymously).

Have compasion for those who are truly suffering and do what you can to help.

 

:iagree: with all this, especially the bolded part. Thank you for putting into words what has been on my mind about this thread.

[Miss Sherry]

Ugh. I forgot about that one too... We actually pay her twice as much as most ahmas make and several people were MAD at us for it! Like if other ahmas find out what she makes then they will want more money too. I am serious... people were genuinely mad at us.

 

..........

 

 

Well, I once heard a missionary say that the organization they were under told them not to pay the people they hired for domestic help any more than the usual local wage. It was because they did not want the missionaries "upsetting" the local economy. It was considered to be something that could cause problems for the local economy. But the missionary did say she was able to give special gifts to her domestic help.

[DaffodilDreams]

I saw the same sort of divide in China, and it bothered me, too. I did what I could while there, and I learned not to take for granted what we have in the States. Even now, while we're not doing so great these days, we still have more comforts than many of the friends I made over there. Experiences like that really put things into a new perspective.

[Miss Sherry]

Heather, I just want to say...I have learned so much from you and the life you lead. You are a beautiful person! There has been some very good advice given, and although the tone has been a bit off putting at times..I do think it is sound.

 

I think you have a wonderful oppurtunity to pass on marketable skills...or even hire more help (I have no real idea of your finaces so this is just an idea).

 

Blessings to you...and no you will not single handedly take down the local government :tongue_smilie:.

 

:grouphug:'s!

Well, of course she won't single handedly take down the economy. That's not to say that she cannot inadvertently cause some very serious, negative ramifications in the long run for those she employs.

 

I think the missionary organizations who forbid their missionaries to overpay their domestic help have the long term well being of those people in mind and have some wisdom in that regard. I think they also do not want to cause the missionaries or their organization to get a bad name for ignorantly making a mess of things.

Edited February 4, 2011 by Miss Sherry

[KathyBC]

Sure, you still need some skin in the game to have a middle class life style in the US, but it is possible for most people to ascend to the middle class. I don't believe that is true everywhere.

 

According to one of dh's sociology classes, that isn't necessarily true here, either. Most of us tend to stay in the class we were born into... or descend.

[jld]

You can also work to change the structures of society that promotes a great divide between the haves and the have-nots.

 

This.

[JumpedIntoTheDeepEndFirst]

We hired her to be our housekeeper and we paid her the going rate. Then we adopted an infant. So then we needed her to be our housekeeper AND a full-time nanny...and she cooks. So we increased her wage accordingly. She is taking care of our daughter...that means more to us than anything and you get what you pay for. [snip]I think my ahma would disagree especially since her husband was in a motorcycle accident and cannot work for at least a year while BOTH of his broken femurs heal. If it were not for the extra salary we give her they would starve. Call me silly I guess.

 

Heather-

 

What I was trying to say earlier that in economies such as you live in increasing your housekeepers salary may have been reasonable but doubling it was probably excessive. Second, if you had wanted to help people you could have hired a second person and helped another family rather than breaking the local scale. Several people here have posted about those who care for their children overseas. Are you implying that these expats don't care about their kids too and seek the best people to care for them? Excessive spending, even for household staff, doesn't always buy better services.

 

Also, I tried to point out earlier, she is your employee. Let her have some pride in that rather than becoming your charity case as well. Doubling her salary to compensate for the loss of her husband's wages is just charity disguised as employment. Other local employees won't see the charity aspect.

 

You asked for the realities of having household help and dealing with the poverty you see around you as an expat. Don't shoot all the expats and former expats here who are sharing their experiences. You may not like what they say and it may seem cruel at times but you can learn from the benefit of their experience and pain as they learned these lessons or you can go your own way. There has been much sound advice given and it is based not on cruelty to one's employees but rather on how we have all already learned these lessons. I tried to share some of the pain I witnessed as expats learn. Those were tough lessons and the goal of the folks posting here is to help you not repeat the mistakes of those who went before you.

[mommaduck]

and in fact she has been able to send her oldest daughter to a local business school because of the wage we pay her.

This is good. In fact, it means that by the time you leave, her daughter will be able to hold a decent paying job to help the family as well and has a step up in life.

[Heather in Neverland]

Heather-

 

Also, I tried to point out earlier, she is your employee. Let her have some pride in that rather than becoming your charity case as well. Doubling her salary to compensate for the loss of her husband's wages is just charity disguised as employment. Other local employees won't see the charity aspect. No. I doubled her salary when I doubled her work load. It seemed fair to me. And considering that a large number of expats get ahmas who do NOT do a good job or do the bare minimum, I am VERY grateful to have someone who not only does a good job but also LOVES my daughter like her own. I have several co-workers whose ahmas are mean to their kids or indifferent towards them. I appreciate really good help and I am willing to compensate accordingly to KEEP that good help.

 

I am not saying that other expats don't care about their house help. I never implied anything. You are reading things into my words. I am merely sharing MY heart for the situation I suddenly find myself in. Maybe I pay my ahma too much. I don't regret it. If the extra salary I give her helps her daughter go to school to get a better life then it is worth it. Yes, I said "better"... I have had long, personal conversations with my ahma and while she does a fabulous job she would much rather be something else than an ahma and so would most other ahmas...they just don't have a choice. Prima is in her fifties but it is not too late for her daughter to break the cycle of poverty. That does not make it a "charity" case.

 

To quote John Piper, "Money is given to you so that you would use money in a way that shows money is NOT your treasure...Christ is." That is what I am aiming for with this situation I have found myself in.

.

[unsinkable]

These conversations make my head spin b/c so much info is added after the original posts.

 

So first, Prima was the housekeeper & paid the going rate.

 

Then, the baby arrived and she became the housekeeper AND the ahma so her salary doubled b/c her workload doubled.

 

BUT, you said that no one at the school can afford to pay more than one worker. But you are paying one person double so that is in effect like 2 people.

 

BUT, since she is the best ahma, & you get what you pay for (your words) why can't she just be the ahma and you hire another housekeeper?

 

Because it is too late, because the ahma's huband is crippled and her DD is going to school with the extra money.

 

I think I got it now.

[Wendi]

I can't see how any Christian ever can justify being rich but that might just be my ignorance.

-Nan

 

The thing is, Nan, those who live in the U.S., Canada, and anywhere in the "first world" ARE rich. You're rich. So am I. Because we have a home, reliable electricity, clean water, free education, etc. Most of the people in the world don't have those things.

 

A couple of years ago, I was part of a group from our church that read through and discussed the book Money, Possessions, and Eternity by Randy Alcorn. I realized when I was reading this (and studying the Bible passages pertaining to wealth), that I had always read all the passages about the "rich man" as meaning someone like Bill Gates. But I realized (finally) that those verses mean me. It's easy to forget this, when media constantly serves up images of extravagance I can only dream of. Yet my life is full of extravagances most of the world's population can only dream of. Your life, too.

 

Wendi