JessReplanted Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 The local homeschool group now meets in people's homes. I joined online (they have a yahoo group) and took my kids to one meeting at the library (in the Fall). There were 3 other moms there, and they were very nice. The kids had fun and played well together. It is not a Christian-based group, but I knew that upfront and did not expect everyone to share my faith or worldview. Now, this group is meeting is member's homes (once a month). I receive emails from people I don't know, telling me their address and that we are welcome to come to the meetings. But it kind of freaks me out. :glare: Is it just me? I just don't feel comfortable hauling my children over to the house of a person I have never met. And yet at the same time, it would really be wonderful to have some actual friends who homeschool. :confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 I'd do it, but I'm just reckless that way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 It took me awhile to get used to going to strangers homes. Now I like it. I have yet to meet the axe murderer that my dh is sure I am going to meet. Now that I am used to it it is a nice way to meet people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
athena1277 Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 Maybe you could suggest a "meeting" in a neutral place, like a park (or McDonald's with an indoor playplace if it's too cold). This would give you a chance to get to know some of the moms before going to their homes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LidiyaDawn Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 Our group just meets in homes too - as do lots of others. It's not abnormal or anything :) -- I wouldn't worry about going there with your kids...it's not like you're dropping them off alone or something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renthead Mommy Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 Well, you've already got something in common with them, you're on the homeschool list. And they'll never become people you HAVE met until you go meet them. It's not like your pulling random people off Craig's list. There is little chance you'll show up and sweet online mom of two turns out to be some hairy old guy that was just pretending to be some homeschool mom. If you're willing to meet them at a library, what's wrong with people's homes? You don't know how clean they are? Well you don't know how clean a local library public bathroom is going to be the first time you go. Or any other local public meeting place the first time. (Think about the ball pit/play area at the local McD's. If you're willing to meet someone there, then I wouldn't worry a BIT about someone's house! LOL!) If it's a manner's type thing, as in you grew up never just showing up at someone's house, espeically someone you don't know, well, a) times have changed, and b) you have been invited, and c) you do 'know' them in an internet sense. Even if you're only both on the list. Today, with everything being so unpersonal and all electronic, you're one step away from just about being best friends! But you don't meet people unless you go looking for them. You have to decide how badly you want to meet people and what your real issue is. Worse case, you get there, the bathroom skives you out, or you're allergic to their pet chicken wandering the living room, or the bathroom is dirty and you won't let your kids use it. At some point, dig through your purse for something, 'find' your phone, read a phoney text and make an excuse that you have to leave. I'd actually think, if you don't really know them, it would be easier the first time at their house. If you don't know them well enough to really have a conversation, or they are so different from you homeschool wise or something, at their house, you can at least look around and fake interest in something. "That's a great chair, where did you find it?" "Nice picture. Where was it taken? Did you like vacationing there?" That type of thing. You've got clues to talk about (even if you don't really care about the content) and it would make it go quicker if you're uncomfortable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 I just don't feel comfortable hauling my children over to the house of a person I have never met. Why? What are you expecting to find? Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nd293 Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 We had a mothers' group like this when dd was younger. I went to the homes of many, many women I did not know, or did not know well, but only once had an awkward experience (this woman subsequently left the group, so I think it was her, not me). When it was at my house, I would sometimes have new members phoning me beforehand. That worked well, as we could chat and exchange basic information, so that when she arrived I could easily slip into a conversation with her and introduce her to others. Perhaps you might find that a personal telephone call to introduce yourself might make you feel more comfortable? Nikki Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margo out of lurking Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 As long as I would be there, I wouldn't have a problem with it. I remember situations like this from our early hs days. People's homes were fine. The group met one day at Burger King playland, and the leader's 7yodd stripped to her underwear while inside the structure. :blink:The mom was fine with that. :blink: It was my big clue to find a more like-minded group--one where the children remained clothed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 I would do it. It sounds nice! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JessReplanted Posted January 3, 2011 Author Share Posted January 3, 2011 Why? What are you expecting to find? Tara It's not that I'm expecting to find something. I suppose the real issue is that I'm an introvert. I just feel weird showing up on the doorstep of someone I've never met saying, "Hi! We're here for the meeting!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
K&Rs Mom Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 The two groups I meet with have a mix of homes & public meetings. The rule is that you have to attend something in public before going to anything held at someone's home. I'd be a little uncomfortable too, but that's mostly my personality. Can you either set up something in public to meet more moms, or wait until the meeting is at the home of someone you've already met? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 It's not that I'm expecting to find something. I suppose the real issue is that I'm an introvert. I just feel weird showing up on the doorstep of someone I've never met saying, "Hi! We're here for the meeting!" Ok, then I'd say that this is probably a good opportunity to stretch your comfort zone and model some adventurousness (is that a word??) to your kids. :) I once met a girl in line at the grocery store. She had a little girl a month older than my girl (they were toddlers at the time). We discovered she lived three blocks from me. The next day she brought her daughter over to play. I was really nervous about what in the world we would find to talk about ... she ended up staying for five hours and was one of my closest friends until she moved away. :) Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mejane Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 I'm an introvert, too, but I'd have no problem going. It's a scheduled visit; it's not like you're showing up unannounced on her doorstep. Go forth and have fun. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 That's how smaller playgroups work in our area. Meetings are almost always at private homes. I'd go! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beth in OH Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 I host a women's Bible study/small group in my home every other week. I can appreciate how hard it is for new people to come in, so I try really hard to make the meeting as "official" as possible e.g. I tape a sign to my door saying, "Women's Bible Study, we're meeting in the dining room to the right. Feel free to come in." I realize you have no control over how much your host will do to make newcomers comfortable, so my suggestion is that you call the host a couple of days before the meeting to introduce yourself and let her know that you'll be there. Hopefully she'll be on the lookout for you and will remember to make introductions. If she doesn't, be bold! Extend your hand and introduce yourself! It will be a great lesson to your kids on how to behave in adult situations. Beth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Rain Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 I would go and have fun! Think how the hostess (and her kids) would feel if nobody came. They are probably hoping to find new friends. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest momk2000 Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 Anyone can say they homeschool and join a HS Yahoo group. I'm the very cautious type and would not go to a stranger's home or invite any into mine. I would suggest scheduling the monthly meetings at a library or park. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 It's not that I'm expecting to find something. I suppose the real issue is that I'm an introvert. I just feel weird showing up on the doorstep of someone I've never met saying, "Hi! We're here for the meeting!" I see you are a pastor's wife (me, too!:001_smile:). I like to think God prepares my way for me to walk in--so maybe you could think of him preparing the experience for you, and you for the experience. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 It's not that I'm expecting to find something. I suppose the real issue is that I'm an introvert. I just feel weird showing up on the doorstep of someone I've never met saying, "Hi! We're here for the meeting!" But you're be showing up on the doorstep of someone who invited you.:) Get going, girl. This will be fun. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laundrycrisis Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 I don't think there is anything abnormal or dangerous about it at all. The host invited the group; so you are invited. If you have any concerns about the home (pets, allergens, house rules about specific things), email your question ahead of time so you won't be worried about it. When I host something like this I don't mind these questions at all. I think it is highly unlikely that a person with unwholesome intent will attempt anything by inviting a homeschool group to their house. Sometimes it is really very difficult to find a location for a group to meet (especially when the group does not have a religious affiliation). Having a group of people who are willing to meet in homes can be the difference between an active group and a group that rarely does anything that allows time for the kids to play and parents to connect with each other. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 Anyone can say they homeschool and join a HS Yahoo group. This is true. But really, what is the likelihood of someone lying about homeschooling and convincing a group of people to come to their home? And what would the person do with/to those people when they get there? Yes, there is a possibility that something bad could happen. But realistically, what are the chances? Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justasque Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 It sounds like this is an active group - that's great! I would go on the Yahoo group, explain that you're new, that you've met some of them before, and that you're thinking about going to a meeting but you're a bit nervous about going to someone's home. Folks will, I am sure, give you encouragement. I have been hosting homeschooling and other groups in my home for 20 years. I often try to invite people who are new to homeschooling, or who have something in common with the other folks who will be here. (Gatherings of families whose kids have certain interests, for example.) When new people come, I know they are nervous. It helps if they contact me before hand and tell me the ages of their kids and perhaps something about the kids' interests, and/or any issues they may have (allergies, fears, whatever). That way I can be more prepared by having toys out that appeal to the appropriate age range, etc. I try to introduce new people to people who they might have something in common with. My house isn't spotless, nor is it ready for House Beautiful, nor is it the biggest house around, but it is welcoming and kid-friendly. Remember that every one of the women you'll meet was in your shoes as the "new mom" at one time - they do understand! Remember that not only are you taking a tiny risk in going to a strangers' house, but your hostess is taking a tiny risk in inviting YOU! So be friendly, take a batch of muffins to share, overlook any dust bunnies, let her know of any issues/concerns you or your children may have in advance, and enjoy the meeting! Even if these moms don't turn out to be your best buddies, chances are good that by putting yourself out there, you will eventually find great homeschooling friends, both for yourself and for your kids. It's well worth the risk, especially if you plan to homeschool long-term. You *want* to be invited to field trips, special little classes, play dates, and all the casual good stuff that homeschoolers do with their local friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kari C in SC Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 We have met at each other's homes in the past. If you get there and you don't like - find an excuse and leave. The reality is you will most likely not have any problem and all will be fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 Why? What are you expecting to find? Tara Are you kidding? They could have unsecured guns, require that people remove their shoes, & might be stashing grocery carts in the back yard. I jest, but these are really the things that cross my mind. :001_huh: Still, I'd go. I just wouldn't go any more once I knew them. Because *then* it would be really scary for me. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 I'd do it, but I'm just reckless that way. lol :iagree::iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abreakfromlife Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 I'm an introvert, too, but I'd have no problem going. It's a scheduled visit; it's not like you're showing up unannounced on her doorstep. Go forth and have fun. :001_smile: :iagree::iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 I met lots of great women and kids that way when I joined meetup.com, first for a stay-at-home-mom's group, and then later for a homeschool group. I've been to other peoples' homes who I don't know, and I've had other people come to mine...that's how we got to meet. Sure, sometimes, we meet in a public place first because the groups also do tours and field trips and whatnot- but when an in-home class or playdate is open to everyone in the group, it's bound to happen that sometimes people make THAT their first 'meetup' and that's how you meet. It's always been fine. In fact, I have someone from this board coming over on Friday to look at my Oak Meadow stuff. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sonshine Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 I can understand your reluctance. I was in a homeschool group years ago. One of my friends in the group remarked how her husband kept guns in drawers all over the house. Her two boys were approximately 8 and 5 and the younger one was diagnosed with moderate level autism. I wasn't comfortable with my kids possibly stumbling across the guns and playing with them, much less a child with less ability to make sound decisions. It didn't sound safe to me. I let them go to a birthday party but went with them and kept a very close eye on them. At the time I was trying to find friends for my kids whom I felt safe letting them go to their houses without me. Another friend had another issue at her house with which I was uncomfortable I gave up on this for a few years and met people at parks. Generally I am extroverted and love to go to anyone's house, even a stranger's, but I can understand a cautiousness about the unknown, although it sounds more like shyness on the OP's part in this case. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WarriorMama Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 I just wanted to be the dissenting voice and say I understand how you feel. I'm an introvert too, and while I think this is a perfectly normal way for homeschool groups to operate and there's nothing wrong with it, I just feel terribly awkward doing it (I would also be an utter wreck trying to make everything perfect if I was having strangers over to my own house). If I were in your position and really looking for some homeschool friends, I'd either bite the bullet and go even though I was uncomfortable, or try to ease into it. For example, you could propose to the group a field trip to a public place like the zoo. Do this a few times and you've given yourself a chance to get to know whoever joins you. Next time it's their turn hosting the meeting, they're no longer a stranger, so you can attend more comfortably! At that meeting you'll meet even more of the group and get to know them, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 I'd be fine with going to their house. Hosting at *mine*, however, would be a whole 'nother ball game :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 As someone who has moderated a group that ran that way (our local preschool homeschool group) by mostly having meet ups in peoples' homes, let me give you the perspective from the other side. When there's a group with an active core of members and some people join and SAY they want to be involved and then never come to anything while we're all posting our addresses and so forth... but stay on the list... that often makes me as a moderator uncomfortable and, in fact, I've kicked people off in the past for doing that. I know it's just shyness. And there's always a small chance that you'll go to someone's house and it *will* be weird somehow - with something you're not comfortable with out in the open or something like that - but I think it's worth the risk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laundrycrisis Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 And there's always a small chance that you'll go to someone's house and it *will* be weird somehow - with something you're not comfortable with out in the open or something like that - but I think it's worth the risk. I was in a playgroup that ran this way. Meeting in homes was a great way for us to get to know each other - and there were homes that had something weird going on - and there were some I didn't really enjoy going to - and others I loved going to. But all of us got to know each other really well, and our homes were part of that, including the "weirdness" of some of them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hsbaby Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 I've never thought twice about going to playdates, hs groups, or moms night outs at other peoples homes (even if I don't know them well). I host a group in my home and when I started up I only knew one or two of the families attending. Now we are all great friends;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 Are you kidding? They could have unsecured guns, require that people remove their shoes, & might be stashing grocery carts in the back yard. I jest, but these are really the things that cross my mind. :001_huh: Still, I'd go. I just wouldn't go any more once I knew them. Because *then* it would be really scary for me. :lol: :iagree: Me too! Tho only the unsecured guns would keep me from returning. I'd feel weird about it and go anyways. Most new situations and groups of people feel weird at first. But sometimes you meet someone you just click with and they are a wonderful part of your life for years. Sure, you might meet dozens before you click with one, but it's worth it. So I'd go. With the proviso of calling the day before to be sure all 10.4 of us are welcome or do I need to leave teens at home or whatever. I rarely go to other peoples' homes. They kind of freak at having 11 over. But I invite people into my home all the time. I guess if they are really wacko, at least I'll outnumber them and be on my own turf.:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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