Just to mix things up, is no one having daughter/boyfriend problems?

[katilac]

Tough night to be a girl here on the WTM boards! Doesn't anyone want to complain about their dd's boyfriend?

[mommaduck]

I was beginning to wonder. Do the holidays just bring all of this out?

[LauraGB]

Tough night to be a girl here on the WTM boards! Doesn't anyone want to complain about their dd's boyfriend?

 

 

I do believe I would. But she's not old enough to have one.

 

When she is old enough, though, I will come here and complain up a storm. Promise. ;)

[MariannNOVA]

Sitting here unbelievably thrilled NOT to have that issue.........this year.

[Mejane]

Hello! :seeya:

 

Not so much problems as a new relationship defining itself. "We're not really an item, Mom, as much as a thing." :001_huh: My main concern is that they are partners at their ballet school, and if things go south it will be miiiighty uncomfortable for both of them. Lots of drama just waiting to happen. He's actually pretty adorable, though, so I hope things work out for them.

[BMW]

Well... both of my oldest daughter's boyfriends were here over night last weekend. We had several boys sleep together out in our "sleeps 8" trailer!

 

I passed out gifts to them and in these boys' stockings I put a bag of santa's coal! That was for taking the hearts of my daughters. Well, and my oldest is having my grandson... so, that boy (the baby's dad) should get triple the coal, but I got some camo baby boy clothes for him instead.

 

Both boys who are the significants in my dds' lives are over 25 yrs of age... I would not have picked them, but I am not the one who gets to do that. I have truly given them the best opportunity to be in our family. I simply said, "Hey, I might not have liked your life choices up to this point, but I know you now. You can show me who you are now. Sooner or later we'll know if you're going to mess it up!"

 

There's a lot of respect given both ways. I share my heart freely with them. I share my faith with them. I jump up on their bed, sit cross legged and tell jokes late at night with them (in the trailer!).

 

So, I don't think there's any major problems right now...

[Murphy101]

Geez. Glad I'm not the only one noticing.

 

I'm making a very hefty list of things I will do for the women my boys date and feeling mighty glad dh is stuck with me just so I don't ever have to meet another future mil.;)

Edited December 24, 2010 by Martha

[mommaduck]

Geez. Glad I'm not the only one noticing.

 

I'm making a very hefty list of things I will do fir the women my boys date and feeling mighty glad dh is stuck with me just so I don't ever have to meet another future mil.;)

ditto!

[katilac]

I do believe I would. But she's not old enough to have one.

 

When she is old enough, though, I will come here and complain up a storm. Promise. ;)

 

//waits//

[AnitaMcC]

Tough night to be a girl here on the WTM boards! Doesn't anyone want to complain about their dd's boyfriend?

 

 

We currently don't have bf/gf issues with our 15 yr olds. Family rule...they aren't even allowed to have a bf/gf before age 16.

 

But thankfully neither are interested so far. Dd is too wrapped up in her Kung Fu and music. Ds just isn't interested yet... but then he doesn't like people in general (he is an Aspie).

 

Our 6th grade Ds is more of a problem than our teens when it comes to bf/gf issues. In space of one month I swear he told me about having 4 different girlfriends at school. Of course I reminded him of the rule of no dating before 16... so he says that they aren't dating... they are just bf/gf. So I had to reiterate that no dating also means no bf/gf... LOL, oh the fun of adolescence!!!!!

 

I forgot to add... my Dh tends to scare the daylights out of our teens friends... It isn't intentional (well maybe- LOL). Niece dated a few boys in high school... but only her senior year bf has stuck around-LOL. They are both 24yrs old and are engaged. Dh says that if a boy/girl is really in love with our kids... they have to be brave and willing to put up with us-LOL. Younger nephew is 21 and hasn't dated anyone seriously. But honestly he is so sneaky and closed up that I wouldn't know if he has a gf. But his friends are scared of Dh-LOL. When nephew and a friend got arrested... the friend was more afraid of my Dh than he was of his own parents-LOL. They live down the street so we have known the family for 12 years.

Edited December 24, 2010 by AnitaMcC

[Hockey Mom]

I don't anymore. :) And as a DIL, I adore my MIL. Of course, we met for the first time when I was high as a kite in the hospital, after giving birth to DS7 (c-section). LOL I don't remember the conversation, but I'm pretty sure I was happy and laughing. ;)

[Rosie_0801]

Not so much problems as a new relationship defining itself. "We're not really an item, Mom, as much as a thing." :001_huh:

 

I know I'm getting old now stuff like that doesn't sound sensible.

 

:)

Rosie - currently happy to have a tot and a preschooler. :)

[BeckyFL]

.

Edited December 24, 2010 by BeckyFL

[Pink Fairy]

My 13yo dd has several inappropriate crushes, does that count?

 

Mr. Darcy: Too old for her, conceited and rude, manipulates his friends. Turns out all right in the end.

 

Aragorn: Waaay too old for her, flighty, doesn't want to take responsibility (good in a fight, yes, but is that husband material?) Turns out all right in the end.

 

Professor Snape (???!!!!): Also too old, arrogant, cruel, bad hair. Turns out all right in the end.

 

I only wish I could look ahead in life the way I can in novels, just to see how it all works out.

[Renee in NC]

Anyone who has ever seen my dh knows that we will *not* have boyfriend problems with our girls.:tongue_smilie:

 

That's if they ever get past our oldest, who is already practicing his, "I am not afraid to go back to prison" spiel!:001_huh::lol:

[Murphy101]

Anyone who has ever seen my dh knows that we will *not* have boyfriend problems with our girls.:tongue_smilie:

 

That's if they ever get past our oldest, who is already practicing his, "I am not afraid to go back to prison" spiel!:001_huh::lol:

 

:lol: well there will be that when our time comes for our first girl's first boyfriends. We call her six brothers The Militia and we plan to have them line the entry way hall when the fella comes knocking.

 

Well maybe not. But we'd be willing to!;)

[catz]

I'd love to complain about my brother! Long vent follows ... feel free to ignore!

 

Long, dysfunctional story but in a nutshell brother (38 - acts 16) married a woman who had a son (no other father involved). They now have 2 little ones of their own (new baby - 3 months), and the oldest is 15. Evidently 15 year old has been having problems for a while. SIL and brother both work more than full time to afford this extravagant lifestyle they lead. Teenager has been basically on his own after school and summers for years already. I've always thought it was a ticking time bomb. My brother's (and SIL's) ability to parent the 15 yo has always been questionable. Brother and SIL have had marital problems and separated in the past. The teenager has always gotten the short end of the stick. The adults in the house seem extremely self involved IMHO.

 

Earlier this week, the 15 year old hit my brother hard enough to give him a black eye. He was hauled off to jail. Now brother has moved into my parents house because him and the 15 year old are not allowed to be together for the next month. My parents are invited to come here tomorrow, and my mom called and asked if my brother could come too because he can't be with his family this weekend that went out of town to visit her side of the family.

 

I am not justifying the 15 year old's behavior by any stretch, but this poor kid has never had a decent role model. He's always been a great kid, especially given his situation, from my angle. And I'm not seeing the adults making some hard life style choices to really parent this kid full time. My mom's mom died last week so we were all already sad and melancholy about the holiday. It breaks my heart to think of Christmas without her. Well now my brother will be moping around here and I get the feeling he's feeling sorry for himself. Not looking forward to it one bit. We were going to celebrate the holiday with his whole family next weekend, but now that won't be happening either.

 

Can't wait for January! :D I just feel better getting all that off my chest.

[Miss Marple]

My oldest has the finest almost 21 year old girlfriend any "mother of the boy" could hope for. She is delightful, respectful, helpful, pretty, likes his brothers, spends time with us, laughs with us, cries with us, and smart to boot (she just got into pharmacy school). She's a keeper! They've been together for about 4 years now but have secretly liked one another since they were 14/15. She exceeds all our expectations/hopes for a dil.

[Caitilin]

Aragorn: Waaay too old for her, flighty, doesn't want to take responsibility (good in a fight, yes, but is that husband material?) Turns out all right in the end.

 

This is so funny to me, b/c my younger sister really did have a crush on Aragorn/Strider for many, many years. The man she married? He's a long-distance hiker!:lol::lol:

[Mommyfaithe]

Tough night to be a girl here on the WTM boards! Doesn't anyone want to complain about their dd's boyfriend?

 

:svengo:

[Mejane]

I know I'm getting old now stuff like that doesn't sound sensible.

 

 

 

 

Yes, apparently now "thing" and "item" come before "going out" or "in a relationship." Who knew? :confused:

[Rosie_0801]

My 13yo dd has several inappropriate crushes, does that count?

 

Mr. Darcy: Too old for her, conceited and rude, manipulates his friends. Turns out all right in the end.

 

Aragorn: Waaay too old for her, flighty, doesn't want to take responsibility (good in a fight, yes, but is that husband material?) Turns out all right in the end.

 

Professor Snape (???!!!!): Also too old, arrogant, cruel, bad hair. Turns out all right in the end.

 

I only wish I could look ahead in life the way I can in novels, just to see how it all works out.

 

 

:lol: My dd developed a crush on Zorro at 16 months. Dh is ok with this because Zorro was homeschooled. He figures this because Zorro can defy the laws of physics and he wouldn't have learned that in public school. :lol:

 

Rosie

[LizzyBee]

Fortunately, my 16 yo has a wonderful bf. He is mature, responsible, respectful, everything we could ask for in someone who has the audacity to date our daughter. :D

[AngieW in Texas]

Not there yet.

 

I went on my first date at 18yo. My dh was my 6th date. He was the only one I ever went on more than one date with.

 

My two older girls are later starters. My youngest will probably be chomping at the bit to date at 16yo (the earliest I'd allow dating). It hasn't been an issue at all with my two older girls.

[Nestof3]

Oh my, you seriously don't want to hear about my son's woman. :scared:

[Pink Fairy]

:lol: My dd developed a crush on Zorro at 16 months. Dh is ok with this because Zorro was homeschooled. He figures this because Zorro can defy the laws of physics and he wouldn't have learned that in public school. :lol:

 

Rosie

 

 

:lol: Yep, when you think about it, Zorro was definitely homeschooled. :lol:

[Murmer]

you mean other than the 12 year old boy that she convinced to help her at the skating rink by holding his hand...yeah she's only 3.

[Catwoman]

Anyone who has ever seen my dh knows that we will *not* have boyfriend problems with our girls.:tongue_smilie:

 

 

LOL! My boyfriends were terrified of my dad, and he was the most laid-back guy in the world. They were scared of him because he looked so much like Clint Eastwood that he used to get stopped on the street for autographs.

 

When your father is Dirty Harry, he doesn't have to say a lot to get his point across. :D

 

Cat

[Renee in NC]

LOL! My boyfriends were terrified of my dad, and he was the most laid-back guy in the world. They were scared of him because he looked so much like Clint Eastwood that he used to get stopped on the street for autographs.

 

When your father is Dirty Harry, he doesn't have to say a lot to get his point across. :D

 

Cat

 

Mine has a shaved head, a long goatee, tattoos, and is quite large across the shoulders and chest, as well as being 6'2". Now, that intimidation factor goes away once you get to know him - he is the friendliest, most fun guy you can imagine.

[mktkcb]

sorry, no complaints here. dd 17.5 got sweet with a guy in her co-op class, and they sort of went from friends, to good friends, to really good friends. He is in choir, and theater with her as well. I should probably call him her boyfriend....there's just so much baggage associated with that word that I hope she avoids..sigh. Anyway, they are both totally fine with family only, or group only activities (no single dating). They both are looking to finish college before marriage (no they aren't even thinking of that). He is such a sweetie. Very polite, respectful, serious christian, committed to purity, funny, 3rd deg. black belt, collects knives ;o), in the sheriff's explorer program and doing very well, etc. My dd has been my romantic one from way back, so frankly I'm not surprised she has a boyfriend, but I'm thrilled that he is such a great kid. I'm friends with his mom as well, so we are totally on the same page. I can caution her till I'm blue in the face about the dangers of getting emotionally attached at 17, but there's only so much I can do. If it works out, it works out. If not, she'll learn something from the experience I imagine.

[LauraGB]

My 13yo dd has several inappropriate crushes, does that count?

 

Mr. Darcy: Too old for her, conceited and rude, manipulates his friends. Turns out all right in the end.

 

Aragorn: Waaay too old for her, flighty, doesn't want to take responsibility (good in a fight, yes, but is that husband material?) Turns out all right in the end.

 

Professor Snape (???!!!!): Also too old, arrogant, cruel, bad hair. Turns out all right in the end.

 

I only wish I could look ahead in life the way I can in novels, just to see how it all works out.

 

:lol: Thanks for the heads up to figuring out the future! When dd was 6 or 7 she was sitting on her bed, put her Warriors book down, looked up at me and sighed and whispered most desperately, "Mom, I think I'm in love with Firestar." :lol: (Firestar is a cat, btw!)

 

Now her favorite characters are all the villains. I *think* it's because she's a writer and finds writing the bad guy the most fun, but maybe I need to start watching things. :001_huh:

[TXMomof4]

I can caution her till I'm blue in the face about the dangers of getting emotionally attached at 17, but there's only so much I can do. If it works out, it works out. If not, she'll learn something from the experience I imagine.

 

I met dh when I was 17 - started dating shortly before my 18th b-day and here we are, 15 years, 4 kids later, happy as clams. Mostly! :D

[Night Elf]

No, I really like my dd's boyfriend! In fact, I can think of only 2 I didn't like but they were young and I knew it wouldn't last.

 

I was really mad at her ex for the way he broke up with her but I got over it and am friends with him and his family. He's coming over Christmas night to hang out. :)

[Tarreymere]

I have one son-in-law in Iraq for the fifth time........when he is home he is a lot like Tigger. I have to admire my daughter's patience in putting up with him. He is a great guy but all that energy gets on my nerves.

I have two other sons-in-law that I have to pity, because those daughters are not very good wives. They are my stepdaughters and even though I tried, they have pretty much reverted to acting like their mom, lazy, self-centered and entitled. I would not have chosen those two men as husbands, but they do deserve better, if only because they are sticking around and putting up with all the bs.

My fourth adult daughter is a sociopath with a taste for violent drug dealers. She likes to out-crazy them, and she seems to be good at it. All I can say is that she isn't in jail at the moment, as far as I know.

My adult stepson has a great fiance that he better marry soon since she is raising his daughter by another woman along with their son. My next oldest adult son is not dating nor are any of the other kids.

[MamaSheep]

Tough night to be a girl here on the WTM boards! Doesn't anyone want to complain about their dd's boyfriend?

 

I noticed that too. I was wondering if it relates to a difference between a mother/son relationship and a mother/daughter relationship--most of us being women here. Is it because a dd's boyfriend is a new man added to our lives, but a ds's girlfriend is our REPLACEMENT *grrrr!*? And maybe something to do with a difference between how women handle "stuff" and how men handle "stuff". You know, speaking in inappropriately sweeping generalizations. We women do seem to like to talk things over...lol.

[LivingUnderGrace]

I do believe I would. But she's not old enough to have one.

 

When she is old enough, though, I will come here and complain up a storm. Promise. ;)

 

:iagree: no boyfriends here!

[Renee in NC]

I noticed that too. I was wondering if it relates to a difference between a mother/son relationship and a mother/daughter relationship--most of us being women here. Is it because a dd's boyfriend is a new man added to our lives, but a ds's girlfriend is our REPLACEMENT *grrrr!*? And maybe something to do with a difference between how women handle "stuff" and how men handle "stuff". You know, speaking in inappropriately sweeping generalizations. We women do seem to like to talk things over...lol.

 

Yes, I think so. Dh and I were discussing this last night.

[Wyndie]

Tough night to be a girl here on the WTM boards! Doesn't anyone want to complain about their dd's boyfriend?

 

I noticed so much that I actually dreamed about it.all.night.long.

 

Hopefully I'll remember all this when my kids are old enough for me to do anything about it.

[Miss Marple]

but a ds's girlfriend is our REPLACEMENT *grrrr!*?

 

I'm happy to have ds's girlfriend start taking over some of my "duties". She traveled to Texas to help him pack up from his summer internship and made the long drive home with him so he didn't have to do it alone. I was dreading both of those things! For me, it's a win-win situation. I love them both and I'm happy to see them moving on to a new phase of life.

 

Frankly, I'm ready for the empty nest :D

[FO4UR]

Oh, goodness...I'm glad I have a few years to worry about this...

[MamaSheep]

I'm happy to have ds's girlfriend start taking over some of my "duties". She traveled to Texas to help him pack up from his summer internship and made the long drive home with him so he didn't have to do it alone. I was dreading both of those things! For me, it's a win-win situation. I love them both and I'm happy to see them moving on to a new phase of life.

 

Frankly, I'm ready for the empty nest :D

 

Niiiiiiice!

 

Actually, I find myself wondering what the future holds for my ds, romance-wise. I don't know whether to hope he gets a girl or not. I try not to think about it too much, and just take one year at a time. He's only 13 (and emotionally a bit "younger" than that, even though intellectually he's a bit precocious) and is just starting to think girls might be intriguing and not completely icky pink froo-froo things. But the autism, high-functioning as it is, definitely throws a different spin into the mix.

[cathmom]

I noticed that too. I was wondering if it relates to a difference between a mother/son relationship and a mother/daughter relationship--most of us being women here. Is it because a dd's boyfriend is a new man added to our lives, but a ds's girlfriend is our REPLACEMENT *grrrr!*? And maybe something to do with a difference between how women handle "stuff" and how men handle "stuff". You know, speaking in inappropriately sweeping generalizations. We women do seem to like to talk things over...lol.

 

Yep, it's that old saying, "A daughter's a daughter all of her life; a son's a son till he takes a wife." Although my husband is a very good son IMHO!

[Peela]

Both my kids are in pretty steady and serious relationships- well, relative to the mucking around silly stuff that used to happen the last few years.

 

I am ok with both partners- more than ok really.

Ds15 is a charmer and he astonishingly treats his gf like a princess. And she is really lovely. But, I dont really have any expectations either.

 

Dd16 is in love, really in love, for the first time. It feels like marriagable stuff (although her last bf did want to marry her, he was so intense with her it put her off completely). She is besotted and he is a really nice guy besotted with her too. Not that I think she is in any rush to get married- if ever- its just a different feel of a connection to when she was younger. A strong bond. He is incredibly good looking, going to university and studying Asian Studies, business and Japanese- which is FAR more interesting than all the engineering students she seemed to attract before. He plays piano and so does she.

The only drama around here at the moment is that he has gone away for a month and she is heart broken about it- although they spend hours on the phone each evening. She is such a happy person normally, its rare to see her actually mooching around feeling sad. SHe is easily distracted with friends, movies, activities..but left to herself, she will fall back into a less than her normal joyful state.

ANd ds's gf is also away, although he seems less affected.

 

I do not have a picture of the partners my kids should have. I want them to treat themselves with care and respect, and they both have pretty good self esteem so they do, but beyond that, I don't think it's my business at all. I guess I might step in at this age if someone was seriously a bad influence..but I have no idea of cast, religion, race, social status, whether their parents are divorced etc. Those things do not even occur to me.