Does your spouse or s/o realize how much work it is to hs?

[Snowfall]

Do you feel like sometimes people don't really understand how much time goes into homeschooling...and do you occasionally feel like your spouse is included in that group? lol It's not that I feel underappreciated at all. My husband, while generally supportive, often doesn't seem to understand how much time it takes. Yes, it's only first grade right now and yes, we only do probably 90 minutes of sit down work a day (or less!), but there are lots and lots of read alouds, lots of planning because I've found the need to tweak or supplement EVERYTHING, lots of time spent even just copying, printing, and organizing things, and doing it all with a baby in tow. He appreciates what I'm doing in an abstract sort of way, but I feel like he doesn't quite realize exactly what I'm doing when I'm doing all that I'm doing. I'm sure at least some of you can relate, right?

 

Additionally, we have the problem of him thinking that we can just take off school whenever he needs me for something or he wants to run to town or whatever. While I appreciate and take full advantage of our ability to come and go as we please, the fact of the matter is that our DD needs a steady routine, or all h*ll breaks loose. Once we leave for the day, there's no getting her back to work, so I can't take off in the morning with the plan to buckle down in the afternoon. On the one hand DH wants DD to be ahead of the school kids, but on the other hand he feels like we can go and do anything, any time.

 

Hopefully I'm not making him sound unsupportive. He really is, which is amazing because he actually wasn't convinced about homeschooling for the whole first year. It's just a little frustrating when I feel like he's not really "getting it" wrt to how much time I spend or how we have to structure our days.

[Parrothead]

Mine hasn't got a clue.

[Snowfall]

In terms of other people realizing it, I often think they think it is more work than it is. Some people say things like "Oh I couldn't do it, that must be a ton of work." It's work, but I wouldn't say it is a ton or like being a teacher with 30 + students. If anything I enjoy the planning part.

 

I like planning, too. :) Still, it does take up a lot of my time.

 

My husband never complains about housework or anything like that. It's just that if he wants my help with something (right now I'm assisting him with some research for a paper) he seems to feel like I must have loads and loads of extra time.

[Old Dominion Heather]

In terms of other people realizing it, I often think they think it is more work than it is. Some people say things like "Oh I couldn't do it, that must be a ton of work." It's work, but I wouldn't say it is a ton or like being a teacher with 30 + students. If anything I enjoy the planning part.

 

I agree. After having 29 seventh graders, this is a breeze! It is work, but (for me) it is enjoyable work where you get to see real progress made.

 

My husband doesn't really know, but I don't really know what it is like to have to do his job either, you know? Given a choice, I'd take mine over his any day of the week... except for maybe the days when he gets to go out to lunch with clients.

[missesd]

It irritates me when my husband get upset because he says I am ignoring him. I try to tell him being a full time stay at home mom, you don't get days off (like he does). Add in homeschooling... and well you all know. Especially since it's our first year using the classical method. I am constantly re-reading areas, trying to remember what to do and how to do it. Since we had to buy stuff in pieces, I am constantly adding to what I need for this month, reevaluating whether I need it, checking prices, etc... setting up carts and wish lists, not to mention the resource books. I am even redoing the school set up, adding things to make things easier in our small little 1100 sq ft place. They don't seem to appreciate and understand we don't get days off per se, we don't get to "clock off", and we don't get personal, or even sick days most times. The fact that I have a grown man acting clingy and then getting all "butt hurt" because I am trying to educate our children, gets me a more then a little frustrated.... and it's hard enough.

 

Sorry if I sound like an *itch, or the worlds worst wife, I just needed to vent.... my apologies to the OP :(

[i.love.lucy]

It's been amazing to me just how much falls on my shoulders now. All the homeschooling, planning, research, organizing, errands, cooking, shopping, appointments, housekeeping, dog care, child care, elder care, etc. I guess that's just the way of things, eh?

 

I think my dh does understand. He's just not prepared after his many long hours to take on more himself, so he just hopes I am able to squeeze it in. After all, these things have to get done and he can't habitually take off work all the time. It makes sense that it would fall to us.

 

Sometimes we do need to hear the words : you work hard for our family and I appreciate it!

[Dawn in OH]

I know that he knows a lot of work and time goes into it, but I don't think he realizes just how much. I'm fairly organized and do most of my work when he's not around. He works nights. He doesn't see me staying up late working on lesson plans or finding a cool project, movie, documentary to go with the lesson. I think I'm making it look too easy.

[MamaT]

I honestly didn't think my dh knew how hard I work, and not just with homeschooling, but with keeping a clean house, laundry caught up, homemade meals, running kids to gym/dance/etc. every day, and just life. He would tell me that he appreciates what I do, but I didn't think he realized how much I juggle. He surprised me the other day by saying, "You work harder than anyone I know." I know it's silly, but it meant the world to me for him to acknowledge that my job is not easy.

[Sophia]

I don't think so.

 

Mostly because the dc respond to him much differently than they do to me, iow, they cooperate more:glare: so he would stay on schedule more than I do.

 

Otoh, if he was the primary teacher, he might see their "real" sides.;)

[JoyfulMama]

My dh thinks I am the most amazing woman in the world, but yet he still has opinions on how things could be done better. I just remind him that I don't tell him how to run his shop at work. :D

[TXMomof4]

My dh thinks I am the most amazing woman in the world, but yet he still has opinions on how things could be done better. I just remind him that I don't tell him how to run his shop at work. :D

 

:iagree: I've threatened many times to go "clean" his desk at work like he cleans my desk. Scares him silly!

[Garga]

For me, the issue is that I can't commiserate with him. When you have coworkers and you're all worn out on a Friday, you can meet for lunch and talk about all the work you're doing and everyone sees the work you're doing and you all know how hard everyone has been working. (Or who's been slacking...)

 

When you're at home, there are no coworkers to commiserate with. Yes, there are other homeschoolers, but they aren't at YOUR house working WITH you.

 

I miss having coworkers who understand the exact pressure I'm under at an exact time. (Can you beLIEVE our boss gave us this project?! Doesn't she know that we still have to finish up the last project?!)

 

So, when I try to tell DH about things, he only understands in a vague way. I think he knows how much work it is, but he's not a coworker, so I can't complain or joke with him the way I used to do with coworkers. He's not in the trenches with me. No one is. Not in the exact same way at the exact same time.

[*Inna*]

Yes. He teaches music and helps out with math.

After every lesson he would say how much he appreciates everything I do. :001_smile:

[Cindyz]

My husband is very aware of how difficult it is and expresses that to me on a regular basis. Of course he helps with the actual home schooling tasks, but he seems how long it takes to plan and organize too.

 

It's the people on the outside who have zero clue. Recently during our learning plan consultation, one of the teachers said to me, "so you actually sit down with him and teach?". Ummm...........yea and a whole lot more. :D

[annandatje]

I agree. After having 29 seventh graders, this is a breeze! It is work, but (for me) it is enjoyable work where you get to see real progress made.

 

My husband doesn't really know, but I don't really know what it is like to have to do his job either, you know? Given a choice, I'd take mine over his any day of the week... except for maybe the days when he gets to go out to lunch with clients.

 

:iagree:

My husband does view homeschooling as work, but it is work determined by a schedule I set independent of a supervisor or clients. After having worked full time outside the home with my youngest, I can say that h/s'ing while not working or working only part time is semi-luxurious.

[Plucky]

Yes. After I had my last baby, he stayed home to take care of me & the kids. He didn't even homeschool, just took care of kids, kept the house clean, & made meals. He loves us lots but was so happy to go back to work so he "could have a break."

[scrapbookbuzz]

Honey, my dh doesn't even realize how much work housework is, let alone the homeschooling. He keeps saying, "Why don't you go get a job and I'll stay home with the kids?"

 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

If only I thought that would actually WORK! He has NO clue!

[Guest mrsjamiesouth]

I always get volunteered to care for Sick relatives, dogs, and babysit kids because apparently we sit at home and have lots of time to help others.

My dh doesn't understand why the house can't be spotless since I am home all day. Well, so are the kids and they make messes as I am cleaning.

[redsquirrel]

I feel like mine does.

 

He is a partner in chosing materials etc so he totally gets the curriculum frenzy. He always defers to my choice because I am the one who has to use it day in and day out. He steps up and takes over for teaching if I have a dentist appt or go out of town or need a sick day. That has given him a pretty good idea of the amount of planning and work it takes. He also participates in prepping on the weekends. He has listened to all SWB audio downloads with me after the kids have gone to bed.

 

We have no expectation that housework etc is my job. I have a full time job: child care and teaching. Housework, cooking, shopping don't come into that equation. If something needs to get cleaned he is just as likely to do it. He does all the laundry because I am just incapable of dealing with laundry.

 

He says all the time that his job is easier than mine. Considering he is a university librarian, he is right.

[ChristusG]

Honestly, I don't think he realizes how much work it is just to be a stay at home mom...much less adding homeschooling on top of that.

[funschooler5]

Additionally, we have the problem of him thinking that we can just take off school whenever he needs me for something or he wants to run to town or whatever. While I appreciate and take full advantage of our ability to come and go as we please, the fact of the matter is that our DD needs a steady routine, or all h*ll breaks loose. Once we leave for the day, there's no getting her back to work, so I can't take off in the morning with the plan to buckle down in the afternoon. On the one hand DH wants DD to be ahead of the school kids, but on the other hand he feels like we can go and do anything, any time.

 

 

Ugh, this is what happens to me. Nobody seems to understand how disruptive it is to stop in the middle of something, or skip a day if something comes up. If we skip, then not only do we have more work to do the next day, but I have to reschedule everything (even with my filing done ahead of time, I have to re-print out the schedules from Homeschool Tracker).

[daughterofsarah77]

My dh expresses his thanks for what I do, and has said "I know it is more than just a couple hours a day", but I don't think he GETS it, no. I am just like you...we use curriculums that should be open and go, but everything gets tweaked around here! And a lot of research goes into making sure that what we are using is "the best."

Not to mention trying to get all the housework done, and working anywhere from 15-40 hours a week...yeah.

[daughterofsarah77]

Oh, yes I forgot to add this: he seems to promise to dd when he has the afternoons off that he will take her to the park, she can run an errand here or there with him....um, hello! This is real school we are doing here! And the new problem since we moved closer to the IL's is my FIL "stopping in" to see us! That is going to be coming up as something dh needs to put the kabosh on...they don't "stop in" to see the other grandkids at school, LOL!

[HRAAB]

My dh has no idea what homeschooling entails, and we've been at it for 16 yrs. He seems to think that lessons plans just magically appear, etc. I was hoping when he was unemployed he would see firsthand how much work and time it takes, but I still don't think he gets it. However, he is very supportive and a firm believer in homeschooling.

 

OTH, I probably have no idea how demanding his work is either.

[bluemongoose]

I think my hubby knows that it is a lot of work, especially with the littles ones! I know he also doesnt want to switch jobs with me:tongue_smilie:.

 

He is pretty good about turning a blind eye to my housekeeping (lack there of) because he knows I am swamped! He is also pretty good at encouraging me or praising my efforts since he knows it is a lot of work to juggle all of this. He even tries to help with some chores when he remembers :D. He often takes care of doing big print jobs for me (like MM) and does do science labs with DD.

 

But like me he is imperfect! He sometimes lets the stress of work loosen his lips, causing him to sometimes let a complaint slip about something-- like he kept the kitchen dishes from piling up better than I did over the weekend or something. This often doesnt go over too well:glare: and then I remind that I have a lot more on my plate than just dirty dishes!

 

Sometimes when I am stressed I can nag at him for not helping enough around the house, I too have to step back and remember how much he also has on his plate!:)

[farmwife]

No....he really doesn't, and he loves interrupting me during the day to give me messages, which irritates me. :glare:

[AuntPol]

NO

[Mom0012]

Honestly, I don't think I realized how much work it was to homeshool until this year. My son is getting older and his schoolwork is taking more time and it just seems to be tipping me over the edge of busyness to the point I feel I'm just flying around all the time.

 

I have always taken on all responsibilities for keeping up the house, paying the bills, grocery planning and shopping, gift shopping, meal preparation, and of course laundry and a million other things. Now my husband has started working longer hours and isn't able to keep up with things outside the house anymore. I just CANNOT take that on. I am exhausted as it is between everything I do around the house, homeschooling, setting up playdates and getting the kids to ballet, swimming, choir, girl scouts, field trips, etc.

 

I started to wonder why I couldn't keep up and when I calculate how much time goes into homeschooling, it turns out I have at least a 30 hour a week job just with that and that doesn't include carting the kids to lessons and activities. No wonder I am tired. The funny thing is, my husband has no idea that I have a job even though he often works from home.

 

Lisa

[Mom0012]

:iagree:

My husband does view homeschooling as work, but it is work determined by a schedule I set independent of a supervisor or clients. After having worked full time outside the home with my youngest, I can say that h/s'ing while not working or working only part time is semi-luxurious.

 

Yes, well I love being my own boss, and I'm terribly grateful not to be out in the workforce, but somehow I'm missing the luxurious part.:001_smile: But, maybe that's just because the last few weeks have been particularly crazy. There have been times when I've felt things were easy.

 

Lisa

Edited November 24, 2010 by LisaTheresa

[Mom0012]

I feel like mine does.

 

He is a partner in chosing materials etc so he totally gets the curriculum frenzy. He always defers to my choice because I am the one who has to use it day in and day out. He steps up and takes over for teaching if I have a dentist appt or go out of town or need a sick day. That has given him a pretty good idea of the amount of planning and work it takes. He also participates in prepping on the weekends. He has listened to all SWB audio downloads with me after the kids have gone to bed.

 

We have no expectation that housework etc is my job. I have a full time job: child care and teaching. Housework, cooking, shopping don't come into that equation. If something needs to get cleaned he is just as likely to do it. He does all the laundry because I am just incapable of dealing with laundry.

 

He says all the time that his job is easier than mine. Considering he is a university librarian, he is right.

 

I love this attitude. Somehow I always assumed it was my job since I'm home and he's just assumed it right along with me. If my husband does anything around the house or takes one of the kids to a lesson, he feels he is doing me a big favor. In a sense, he is, but then again, I do sometimes wonder why we both assumed that everything related to the house should fall on my shoulders. He works from home as well.:confused:

 

Lisa

[lisamarie]

When he calls me for the 5th time before noon and can't understand why I want to cut the call short so I can teach our kids...ya, I begin to wonder if he has any clue that I actually TEACH our kids. Sigh. I keep trying to get him to understand and yet he gets huffy every time I tell him I have to go so I can finish what I was teaching.

[FO4UR]

Nope. Not a clue.

 

He also doesn't quite get why a 2nd grader can't work completely independently.:001_huh: It's a good thing I'm the one at home.:lol:

[jasar31629]

Yes. We are best friends so he hears everything! :tongue_smilie: He's not demanding at all...if the house is a mess when he is home he's the type to feel my pain, roll up his sleeves and help me out. I love my husband.

 

Right now he's making a traditional Jewish dinner for one of our home school units for fun...before that he let dd 'shop' for the ingredients and pay with $ to work on her math skills (part of our singapore lesson today). I'm here and working on my own schoolwork online.

 

He is used to having 2 jobs though and has only one at the moment...when he's back to two he usually has time to help me catch up on housework and lend an ear- the schoolwork will definitely be back in my territory then. I work PT then when he's back to 2 jobs and I'll be in school for another 4-6mos. We both feel marriage is a partnership...'areas' change and with open communication and a bit of empathy, this partnership can be so effective.

 

That's how it works at our house! :)

[Joanne]

children's father aka spouse number 1: No

 

husband: absolutely. He helped with math and Texas history and American history.

[Mrs Mungo]

Well, my dh texted me today with a "please, do X for me." I answered, "I *always* take care of X, why are you even asking that?" And he texted back, "I'm sorry, I forgot how amazing you are."

 

He may not always realize how hard I work or how much he relies on me, but he's no dummy.

[Gratia271]

He is as aware of my work load as I am his. ;)

[Snowfall]

Hmmm...it was a question asked out of curiosity. I was curious if this was common. I'm intimately familiar w/my hubby's work and how hard it is. :)

[Gratia271]

I was just being silly. :tongue_smilie: He and I are both intimately acquainted with each other's work but are careful not to weigh in too much, as we are both fairly independent and different in the way we do things. So he listens to me, and I listen to him (well, when he talks that is).

[mcconnellboys]

Mine is clueless, as he is to all things that he doesn't have to do himself.... But many, many people in the world are completely oblivious to and don't understand at all things with which they have no personal involvement, so I think that's a common thing....

[elegantlion]

My dh knows how much work it takes, we're in our seventh year of homeschooling. There have been a few times over the years I've had to remind him my priority during the day is education not household duties. But most of the time he is very complimentary towards my effort and the way it's all turning out.

 

We're a self-employed family. I know exactly how hard my dh works too. Basically, I agree I wouldn't/couldn't do his job correctly and he couldn't/wouldn't do my job correctly either.

[kalanamak]

Hubby knows it is work, and he knows he couldn't do it, but he "forgets" at times, and I have to list everything I did to "remind" him. His forgetting usually entails interrupting us a little too often. To avoid temptation, he often runs errands, or goes back to the old house to work.

[Garga]

I think my DH does get how much work it is.

 

The only issue I have is that when he is home and I'm hs'ing the kids, DH feels the need to turn into the class clown. He's like a dog with the mailman: he sees someone teaching and just CANNOT resist making jokes. I have to send him from the room, and then he looks all sad and dejected. :001_smile:

 

I used to work with my dh. He worked in the computer department and I was the company trainer. He had only one training class in my classroom and it was the same thing; cracking jokes, getting everyone off topic.

Edited November 24, 2010 by Garga

[Snowfall]

I was just being silly. :tongue_smilie: He and I are both intimately acquainted with each other's work but are careful not to weigh in too much, as we are both fairly independent and different in the way we do things. So he listens to me, and I listen to him (well, when he talks that is).

 

Oh, that wasn't directed towards you, personally, at ALL. I promise. I just felt like a lot of people misinterpreted my op. I actually even edited that last post of mine because I used the same smilie as you at first, then after I submitted I saw you had used it and thought that looked sarcastic. lol

[lisabelle]

We've only been at it since September, and the dh has had a day off here and there--one day while we were remodelling a bathroom, and then this week with the snow we've had here.

 

I *wish* he could see what a real homeschool day looks like here. But ds and dh have so many things they like to do together that the plans I've made just fall apart. Dh probably thinks every day is a goof-off day!

[Annabel Lee]

Until the last year and a half or so, I kept all the planning and curriculum angst to myself, so of course dh hadn't a clue just how deeply complicated & involved it all is. His work schedule was irregular, and when he was home during school hours it would turn into playtime.

 

This year, in an effort to be more organized, I printed out a ton of scheduling stuff from donnayoung.org, including a school-year calendar. I gave a copy to my dh to put on the fridge, the same way we would if the kids were in school. Our schedule is flexible for major things like hunting season, fishing season, relatives visiting, etc. but this way he can see how much time overall the kids need to accomplish this year's goals. He knows if we take a day we have to make up a day.

 

Also, I talk to him about some curriculum decisions now. I know he doesn't know the ins and outs of ea. one, so I leave the names of them out and just try to hammer out what our priorities are for homeschooling and for individual subjects with him. He does have some valuable input when I frame things that way, and it's nice to have that from someone who *knows* our children. He lets me do whatever I want in the end, but it helps to communicate. Through these types of discussions, he has become aware that I don't simply hand the kids workbooks all day and that making & executing non-scripted, self-made plans isn't easy.

 

For those who wish their dh's had a clue - talk about it. It's their children, too. Easier said than done in some situations, I know.

Edited November 24, 2010 by Annabel Lee

[Peela]

I have spent a lot of time over the years educating my husband about what it takes to homeschool. He also would think he could come in at any time and take me out for a meal, or just chat. I had to (more than once) communicate that this was my job and even if I was sitting here at the computer and it didn't look like I was doing much...I was.

I think it took a long time but I think he did learn and come to respect the time it takes to homeschool. He has expressed much gratitude over the years, that I would take the time to do this (since I could be "out there" earning money or whatever like most women). He knew our son needed it.

[lllll]

..

[Mommyfaithe]

No...he does not. He just.does.not.get.it!!!

 

He thinks you throw a workbook at a kid, they do it...job done. You don't have to teach anything, the kids just sit like perfect angels and do their assignments, curricula just happens (like gravy:D) You just buy at grade level... He has absolutely NO.IDEA why I get so tired working 30-40 hours, and homeschooling 4 kids. (3 have graduated...)

 

I think he THINKS he would be able to do this better than me....BUT so far, he hasn't tried...:lol::lol::lol: He knows I work hard and put my all into everything I do, BUT he thinks homeschooling is EASY PEASY!

 

~~Faithe (who thinks this may sound snarky, but it is just the truth. I KNOW his job is hard...and I couldn't ever do what HE does...I just would like the same consideration.)

[Paisley Hedgehog]

..

[Mom-ninja.]

My dh used to work from home several days a week. He saw what we did during the day. He knows. He's told me he is happy it's me doing it and not him. ;)