Allowing kids to play out front unsupervised?

[phathui5]

I let my 10yo, 7yo and 5yo play out front together. There's safety in numbers and I'm pretty comfortable with them bein out there together.

[hsbaby]

I allow my 7 yo to play out front when the other neighborhood kids are out. I stay out with my 3 yo, obviously. And dd 13 has no desire to play with the kids;)

[Gooblink]

I just read a statistic that most abductions are of children between the ages of 10 and 14 and, not by a stranger, but someone familiar to them.

 

Having said that...have you checked your State's registered offenders list? We did and found 2 in close proximity to our home, and we live in a good neighborhood.

 

My boys are 12 and 10 and I'm still not entirely comfortable with them being outside, unsupervised. There are many neighborhood children, though, and they often will play in a larger group.

 

Chances are your kids would be fine, but I wouldn't count on and 8 year-old to be able to outsmart someone with criminal intent.

[TravelingChris]

I would have no problem with it. LIke many others said, there are a lot more dangerous things out there than abductions. Those are very rare. Yes, we know the names of some of the kids who were abducted by strangers- that is because they are so rare. Then you have the cases where they were abducted from their homes=Polly Klass, that girl in Utah. I know there are no registered sex offenders in my neighborhood here. There was one in my neighborhood in FL. I showed the girls where he lived and his picture (he was in his 80's). There were no problems.

[KrissiK]

My kids are 7,6 & 4 and we live in a nice quiet neighborhood. The way our house is built, I can't see the front yard, either, very well. They do go outside in the front and play unsupervised but we have a few rules:

1) No one is out there alone - they have to have at least one sibling with them.

2) They can't go into a neighbor's house or backyard.

3) They have to stay on our block.

4) No picking Mrs. Powell's strawberries without asking her first.:D

[Old Dominion Heather]

The problem with those lists though is that people are often put on there for things that are NOT pedophilia. I mean someone who was convicted of statutory rape for having s*x with his 15 year old gf when he was 18, is very different from the former foster parent who was convicted of molestation. Though, fwiw, the former foster parent lives two houses away from my mom and I still let my boys play outside there. The dude is in a wheelchair and on oxygen. Even the 5yo could out run him.

 

There was a good article in The Economist about this, but it is now only available to subscribers. Here is a review.

[Haiku]

I was thinking about maybe giving them safety whistles...is that insane?

 

 

If it makes you feel better, do it!

 

My kids have played outside unsupervised from the age of about five on. I also let my kids ride their bicycles in a two-block radius unsupervised. *I* think it's safe, but the people who live around me try to make me feel guilty about it. Kidnapping and the like is scary, but the odds of it actually happening are extremely small. I read one stat that kids are more likely to be sucked up in a tornado than kidnapped, and only about 100 kids a year are actually nabbed by strangers.

 

Tara

[lionfamily1999]

The problem with those lists though is that people are often put on there for things that are NOT pedophilia. I mean someone who was convicted of statutory rape for having s*x with his 15 year old gf when he was 18, is very different from the former foster parent who was convicted of molestation. Though, fwiw, the former foster parent lives two houses away from my mom and I still let my boys play outside there. The dude is in a wheelchair and on oxygen. Even the 5yo could out run him.

 

There was a good article in The Economist about this, but it is now only available to subscribers. Here is a review.

I understand the problems people have with those are included unfairly, but that really doesn't make the list useless. In VA, you can see what crime they commited and their age at the time (or do the math with the year it was commited and their present age).

 

We look over the list together and the one person that is close, we've driven past the house and I pointed it out as a place they should go under absolutely no circumstances. They also know what the local known criminals look like. That's what I love about the sex offender site. It lets me show the kids who the KNOWN criminals are and where they live, so they can be especially careful.

[Old Dominion Heather]

Yes, VA is one of the states that tells you why a person is on the list. Many (most?) don't. So you are left thinking that you might live surrounded by predators when in reality, they are mostly benign.

[Guest momk2000]

My daughters (9yrs & 5yrs) both play in the front yard together. They are not under direct supervision, but I peek out the window every few minutes. 9yo dd plays down the street at a friends house some afternoons. If 5yo dd is playing outside by herself, then I will sit out on the front porch and watch her. I never let her play outside alone. Outside of our yard, I will only allow 5yo dd to play with the girls across the street and only when her sister is there with her. I can still see her through my front window when she is there. My 9yo is very responsible, she helps her sister across the street and keeps an eye on her.

[lionfamily1999]

Yes, VA is one of the states that tells you why a person is on the list. Many (most?) don't. So you are left thinking that you might live surrounded by predators when in reality, they are mostly benign.

Eh, most parents already assume they're surrounded by predators. I'm surprised, though, that the other information is not included.

[brewer13399]

I let our four boys play outside unsupervised. They are 7,6 and two 3 years old. But we live at the end of a cul de sac and have no traffic (open lot on one side and a couple that are only here for 1/3 of the year or so). When we go to our cabin they are free to roam but there is no one around and they do have to keep the house in view.

[specialmama]

umm... did you see my post about calling 911 on Friday because of some jerk who verbally threatened my dd? :glare: My dd is 11 and I'm *just* starting to let her go short distances or be out front without me. However... yours are younger and honestly, if you have a fenced in backyard and they "don't want" to play back there, I'd probably say "too bad, so sad, get out in the backyard." Once you put your foot down, there's not much more they can do. It sounds like they know you're wishy-washy so they're pushing for the new thing.

[Impish]

My set up is very different. I live on the 'inside' of a townhouse complex, so there isn't a road in front of our house, but lots of green space.

 

Because of that, I allow my kids outside in the front. I keep an eye on them, either right outside w/them, or checking out the front door every 5 mins or so. If Diva is out there with them, then I don't check as often.

 

If we lived in a situation where there was a road in our front yard, I sincerely doubt that I'd allow the Littles to be out front. They're still pretty young (4 and 5) and impulsive. Despite being taught to always stop and look both ways, I could see either one of them dashing out to get their ball.

[gpsings]

We don't let ours play in the front unless we're with them. :(

BTW, the predator lists don't mean squat. A lot of actual predators don't register at all. Ask me how I know this.

Pedophiles don't want to get harassed (they say) so a lot of them will move rather than register, or live with someone, etc. Also, there's a first time for all of them, right?

Maybe I'm overprotective, but I've seen to much in my lifetime. I don't want my kids to become a statistic.

[JessReplanted]

We have never lived in a place where I thought the front yard would be a safe place for my children to play, primarily because it is close to the road, and that is also where everyone drives by. The thought of someone driving by and wanting to nab my child just freaks me out. :eek:

[Joanne]

Answering this question for the 214th time in my history of message boards......

 

 

I let my kids play "out front" at school age and over in most situations and for most kids.

 

Statistically, if you want to reduce the actual, significant risks of your child being a victim of molestation or abuction:

 

1) Do not marry a person from a foreign (to the US) country and then divorce.

2) Do not have step parents for your children.

3) Do not involve them in Youth Groups, Scout Organizations, the Catholic Church, or sports teams.

4) Do not have male relatives or friends of the family.

 

 

I'm not being snarky. The REAL risks, statistically and in real life, to children are known, accepted, trusted people.

 

Stranger abuduction is rare - exceedingly so. You see it on the news (usually if the child is female, white and upper middle class) because it's sensationalistic. It sells air time, it creates money. They aren't airing it over and over for altruistic reasons. It manufactures an inaccurate perception. People are fond of saying "you can't be too safe" and "I'd rather be called over-protective" as if pathological levels of "protection" are virtues instead of issues. You CAN be too protective.

 

Same with public restrooms in most settings. ;)

 

My son plays in a football game this afternoon. Now THAT worries me.

[littlebug42]

BTW Joanne, the crack on the Catholic Church was uncalled for. Around here, more sex crimes against children are committed by teachers as well as ministers of other faiths. That particular phenomenon is not isolated to the Catholic Church. I posted just yesterday about a former pediatric orthopedist of my daughter's that has admitted to unlawful sexual contact with a 16 year old and is being prosecuted for rape.

 

I am protective at a level I feel comfortable with for my children. If you choose to do something else, they are your kids. Just because it "rarely" happens doesn't mean it never happens. I personally choose to minimize the risk that my children will be one of those statistics. I don't understand why these threads get so judgmental. You parent your way and I parent mine. Why does it bother other so much how I parent my children?

[Joanne]

BTW Joanne, the crack on the Catholic Church was uncalled for. Around here, more sex crimes against children are committed by teachers as well as ministers of other faiths.

 

 

It wasn't a crack on the Catholic Church. Pedophiles go where they have access to kids. I mentioned Youth Groups also, and therefore included non Catholic Christians. I also mentioned sports because of the Coaches.

 

I am protective at a level I feel comfortable with for my children. If you choose to do something else, they are your kids. Just because it "rarely" happens doesn't mean it never happens. I personally choose to minimize the risk that my children will be one of those statistics. I don't understand why these threads get so judgmental. You parent your way and I parent mine. Why does it bother other so much how I parent my children?

 

I didn't quote you, didn't mention you, didn't reference you and didn't PM you. This is a message board/forum in which ideas, theories and sometimes debate is exchanged. On a homeschooling board, I'd expect to see a higher percentage of helicopter parenting, and ...... so it's here. I disagree with the premise behind it.

 

My answer directly addressed the issues in the OP and the thread.

 

Over protecton DOES bother me because I don't think it serves children. Over punishment bothers me and so does a diet of junk food or hyper-focus on only "healthy" food, over censorship on media, the idea of banned books, using a sharpie on depictions in DK or Eyewitness books, ...........

 

It's not personal, though, I can't really even tell you in most cases what user name is associated with any particular issue.

[skirch]

The people on the sex offender list, I know where they are. It's the ones who aren't on the list because they haven't been caught that I worry about.

 

I do allow my dd to play out front, but the front of my house has a lot of windows so I can see her easily. She only asks to go out there occasionally though because there's more to do out back.

 

Before we were in this house, we were in an apartment complex that had a ton of kids and a big field right across from our unit. I allowed her to play outside there as well.

 

My parents live in Las Vegas and I won't let her play out front there. The way the house is laid out, it's impossible to see out front and it's not the greatest neighborhood anymore.

[CLHCO]

That depends a LOT on the neighborhood (crime, busy traffic, etc.) and even more on the child.

 

My son was not allowed much longer than I'd normally wait because he's desperately impulsive and I couldn't fully trust him. His older sisters were allowed (if together) much younger. He is now 10 and he is allowed out alone or to supervise his younger sister, because maturity is kicking in enough for me to feel comfortable. His younger sister is allowed out with him. She's five, but I do ask her to stay up by the house, not down by the street. We have a long yard so that still gives her plenty of open fun area to play, with a tree for her boundary on how far she can go towards the street. That has more to do with the occasional reckless driver that goes down our street, which turns a corner where the driver couldn't see far enough in front of him/her. A neighbor boy was almost hit a couple summers ago due to this.

[Tylianna]

My girls are 9, 8 and 6. I usually don't let them play out front by themselves. The 6yo especially. She is the one most likely to play out in the road or do something wrong. Out back is fine. If it is during school hours, they have recess out back. There is nothing out front since friends are at school. I also have a fear of drivers taking advantage of kids being in school and driving like maniacs!

 

We live in a subdivision so I could be more lenient if I chose, but I am not. When school is out, they play out front so they can play with friends.

[littlebug42]

I didn't quote you, didn't mention you, didn't reference you and didn't PM you. This is a message board/forum in which ideas, theories and sometimes debate is exchanged. On a homeschooling board, I'd expect to see a higher percentage of helicopter parenting, and ...... so it's here. I disagree with the premise behind it.

 

 

 

Sorry Joanne, I didn't mean to actually direct the second half of that statement directly to you, only the first paragraph. I didn't take it as a personal attack at all. It is a topic that I tend to get my knickers in a twist over and should really just avoid the threads that deal with this particular parenting topic. :)

[lamamaloca]

It wasn't a crack on the Catholic Church. Pedophiles go where they have access to kids. I mentioned Youth Groups also, and therefore included non Catholic Christians. I also mentioned sports because of the Coaches.

 

But you did single out the Catholic Church, and unfairly so if you're just basing this on statistics. Listing "a religious organization" instead of "the Catholic Church" would be more accurate and not inflammatory or offensive.

[Mama2Three]

Old thread but I wanted to throw this out... A book you might want to read -- Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe (and Parents Sane) by Gavin de Becker. I can't say enough good things about this book. I couldn't put my hands on my copy -- probably lent it out -- but it gives solid advice about what the real risks for children are and how to address them. Love the part on what to teach your child if he becomes separated from you. Personally, I am more of a free range mom (within limits because I know the capabilities of my children), but I am much more cautious with my children around known males because statistically speaking, that's much more of a threat than a random kidnapping.

[Laura Corin]

Can you make your back yard more interesting? I let my children roam pretty free now, but I was quite wary when they were five. I didn't trust them not to run into the road chasing a ball, or something.

 

Laura

[catz]

The kids in question are 8 and 5 (which you may have assumed :D). DD8 is very mature and DD5 is appropriately mature and relatively safety-rule conscious for her age. We're in a "safe" neighborhood--not that that means much nowadays, but we don't have much in terms of traffic and noticeably questionable neighbors. Our front and side yards are large, so they can stay relatively far back from the sidewalk and street. However, I can't necessarily see or hear them unless I'm standing AT the front or side windows.

 

I really, REALLY need them to play outside, and they really REALLY have no interest in playing in the completely fenced backyard on most days.

 

How comfortable would you be with this scenario? How could I make it slightly safer (or really, make myself less paranoid)? I was thinking about maybe giving them safety whistles...is that insane?

 

TIA!

 

My kids play in our front yard all the time. They must be visible from the front window and ask if they want to leave our yard. It's never been a problem. Our neighborhood is big on front yard playing.

 

I will say my kids are cautious and not impulsive. I think it definitely depends on the child and the neighborhood.

Edited February 27, 2011 by kck

[DianeW88]

No problems whatsoever. They're plenty old enough to do that.

 

Added to say: Didn't realize this was an old post before I responded the second time. My answer is still the same though. :D

[akmommy]

Yes, VA is one of the states that tells you why a person is on the list. Many (most?) don't. So you are left thinking that you might live surrounded by predators when in reality, they are mostly benign.

 

Yup, ours only lists the charge they were convicted of, but no specifics and so many things can fall under one charge that it tells you absolutely nothing.

 

ETA: when we first moved to our current neighborhood I looked it up and it showed one living on our street. I just showed the kids his picture, told them where he lived and that if he approached them they were not to speak to him, but to immediately come home and tell DH or I.

Edited February 27, 2011 by akmommy

[Mom28kds]

I would and have let them play outside unsupervised. That's where they can ride bikes and get the most to do outside. Love it!

[Word Nerd]

Because of where the house is situated, we don't really have a backyard but rather front and side yards. My girls, ages 9 and 5, play outside without me all the time.

[Trivium Academy]

I think it depends on your comfort level. I'm okay with my own dd10 and ds6 playing out front and even riding their bikes around our neighborhood (which is just one circle with no side streets) but when hubby's dd7 and dd5 is with us, we're outside with them although there is 4 of them.

 

I'm not comfortable with allowing ds6 without dd10 to play outside. I don't like him playing with the older neighborhood boys alone b/c I've found they take advantage of him. I think it's situational.

[mommymilkies]

We let our kids play out front. We live about 20 feet across from a Catholic church/school in a good, safe neighborhood where all of our neighbors know everyone's business. We have a big front yard and the kids prefer playing out front for some reason. They know to stay away from the road and let us know if they are going out of the yard/front sidewalk.

[unsinkable]

Since this is from October, :lol:

 

what did you end up deciding, Melissa?

 

:lol:

[melissel]

Since this is from October, :lol:

 

what did you end up deciding, Melissa?

 

:lol:

 

I'm still reading though! :lol:

 

As a matter of fact, they're headed out right now to take advantage of the sun and 50-degree temps. We've had lots of discussions, and I decided that, for the most part, the exercise and their desire to actually go OUT and play (which they aren't normally interested in) matter more than my fears. I leave the garage door open and the inside door cracked, and the front door open and storm door cracked so they have easy access to the house. I leave front and side windows open so I can hear them easily and I check on them frequently.

 

I'll admit that I do still try to convince them to go in the back when I can, and they're not allowed in the front if I'm wrapped up in something where I can't check on them, like working in the laundry room or taking a shower, but they can go in the back instead, and they understand that.

 

So I'm still paranoid, but I'm trying to make it work for all of us!

[ocelotmom]

If I lived in a reasonably safe neighborhood, and I trusted them to wander off or run into the street and to yell if anything happened, then yes.

 

The only thing that ever realistically scared me about my kids playing out front (when we lived in a residential neighborhood) was someone calling CPS on us for being neglectful for OMG LETTING KIDS PLAY OUTSIDE UNSUPERVISED!

 

This drives up the freaking wall. I remember playing outside in the front yard on my own when I was 4 or 5, and playing across the street at the school playground (viewable from our front window, but I know I didn't always stay within sight) by around 6. My mom wasn't neglectful - this was perfectly normal for our neighborhood at the time.

 

If I had good reason to believe they'd be bullied, beat up, offered drugs, attacked by stray dogs, or otherwise in real danger while playing outside unsupervised, I would be more hesitant about it. But in a typical residential neighborhood, I'd consider their health to be at greater risk if they couldn't be outside playing unsupervised. I mean, when I was 6-8, I was outside roller skating ALL THE TIME. I was a nonathletic bookworm, but I was still getting regular physical activity by being allowed/encouraged/forced to go play outside on a regular basis. Inactivity is a much bigger threat than kidnapping by random stranger or whatever else people are worried about.

 

(And yeah, didn't realize it was an old post :))

[melissel]

(And yeah, didn't realize it was an old post :))

 

No worries, it's an ongoing internal struggle for me, especially with spring coming :D I know all the statistics etc., but I still worry. It's hard not to when they're in your sight all the time typically! But yes, it's a safe neighborhood in terms of drugs/dogs/cars/access to water etc.

[ocelotmom]

No worries, it's an ongoing internal struggle for me, especially with spring coming :D I know all the statistics etc., but I still worry. It's hard not to when they're in your sight all the time typically! But yes, it's a safe neighborhood in terms of drugs/dogs/cars/access to water etc.

Oh, I still worry :) I just try not to let it impact my decision-making when it isn't realistic. One of them could fall and impale themselves on a gardening implement, or break their neck falling from a tree, or (perhaps most realistically) decide they wanted to try swimming in the irrigation ditch across the street and find they couldn't manage the depth/current.

 

And if we lived where I lived when I was a kid, I probably wouldn't give them quite the same level of freedom. But it bugs me that I feel that way.

[melissel]

And if we lived where I lived when I was a kid, I probably wouldn't give them quite the same level of freedom. But it bugs me that I feel that way.

 

I totally hear you. When I was a kid (as in, younger 11, before we moved), I had free range of the entire town, and it wasn't teeny tiny! I remember digging up daffodils in empty lots, riding my bike across town on a daily basis to the public pool, where we had no supervision aside from two lifeguards, jogging on the elevated and secluded train tracks in the early morning hours when I decided to take up jogging at age 9 (my parents had no clue! my mom almost had a heart attack when I mentioned that a few months ago--she was like, "Where the he!! were we???"). So much freedom... *sigh*

[Terabith]

I would be completely comfortable letting them play outside in that situation. (Of course, my 7 and 5 yr old dd's have been playing out front unsupervised for a few yerars. They are VERY safety conscious, however, and the neighborhood culture "allows" this.)

[Old Dominion Heather]

***GAAH!!!**** SUCKED INTO AN OLD THREAD!~

 

Absolutely yes. I let my 5yo play out front with neighbors and they are allowed to go down the street alone. We live on a street with very little traffic and he is allowed to ride his bike outside, alone, in the street as long as he watches for cars.

 

My guys have quite a bit of freedom and they have never abused it. In fact, it is when I have tried to keep tabs on them every second that they have ended up scaring me.

 

You might want to read Free-Range Kids. It helps you put fear into perspective and be careful about the things which are truly dangerous. I'm fine with being outside, but if you are on your bike going faster than I can run, you will have a helmet on. PERIOD.

 

Of course, my 8yo regularly tries to defy gravity, attempt feats never before attempted and thinks he is invincible. He actually cracked a bike helmet in two pieces.

Edited February 27, 2011 by Old Dominion Heather
old thread

[melissel]

***GAAH!!!**** SUCKED INTO AN OLD THREAD!~

 

:lol: Actually, I'm still conversing on it! The girls just came in from 2.5 hours outside, and they complained when I called them in. That has NEVER happened. They climbed things and made fairy shelters and pretended to be camping and had snacks and ran races. Mission accomplished!

 

Thanks for the input, everyone!