Do you see this as disrespect?

[shanvan]

When I ask a question during teaching my DS will give me a sort of smart alec answer. Example:

 

MOM: Can you tell me what rules we have during school hours?

 

DS: (with silly grin on face) Make as much noise as you possibly can't!

 

Non if it happened once it wouldn't be so bad, but this goes on constantly. I feel like I can't get a serious answer out of him. He will purposely mispronounce words to the correct answer, or mix two words into one, etc. This is often during times when I am teaching him with his younger sister. It's like he is trying to be the class clown. It annoys me! I feel it is wasting time. BUT, am I being too uptight????

 

Curious to know if it would bother other moms too, or if it's just me.

 

Shannon

[Haiku]

It would bother me, and I would do my best to ignore it. Feeding the trolls and all that. ;)

 

Tara

[Holly IN]

If ds did this constantly then he would be punished. Once or twice I let go with stern warning then after the 3rd time would be punishment. So you are not being uptight especially if you have given him grace the times that he did this. I would talk to your hubby about this and see if he can put a stop to this.

 

If my kids act up and I can't get them to stop then hubby is told. He is not the principal but my partner/husband that helps bring order to the house/school. :D

 

That way your son will know that is inappropriate when both of you laid down rules about his responses.

 

Holly

[IsabelC]

I guess that it would be disrespect if it upsets you, and he knows that it upsets you, and he continually does it after you have asked him to refrain (ie, it's not just something that slips out on the spur of the moment because he forgot that it annoys you so much).

 

So from what you posted, it sounds to me like it's definitely an issue that needs addressing. If it's stressing you and impeding his sister's learning, than you're not being uptight to want to stop it! Could you maybe encourage him to do the clowning thing at certain (limited) times, and then reinforce the boundaries about what you expect when you are teaching? I would probably address it initially by talking about what you need and what he needs. If he needs more attention, more challenging work, or whatever, you can provide that, but you also expect him to meet your needs for a certain standard of behavior. Then if he doesn't improve his act you would go ahead with whatever consequence / discipline / etc you usually use.

Edited September 17, 2010 by Hotdrink

[Snickerdoodle]

No this would NOT bother me at all.

 

Sometimes I think it's a measure of how cynical they are becoming. Seriously, imagine asking your husband, "What are the rules for dirty dishes in this house?" Sounds a bit condescending, doesn't it?

 

Whenever my son does this, it means we are working below his level of ability.

[simka2]

I actually agree with both of the above!!! it is possible :D!

[Mom-ninja.]

No this would NOT bother me at all.

 

Sometimes I think it's a measure of how cynical they are becoming. Seriously, imagine asking your husband, "What are the rules for dirty dishes in this house?" Sounds a bit condescending, doesn't it?

 

Whenever my son does this, it means we are working below his level of ability.

 

This is a great point.

[shanvan]

The question about rules was during a discussion about expectations. Several rules we have have been ignored during the past few days, so I wanted to assess whether they were actually remembering them, or just ignoring.

 

DS is NOT working below his level of ability. Just wanted to clarify. He has been doing this across the board whether he is working on a challenging area, or one that comes more naturally for him.

 

I'll admit that during shared lessons (like Botany) he probably could move much faster without his sister being included in the lessons, but this is a family study for us. And, I still believe he needs to be respectful even when he is not being challenged.

 

Yes, I have given reminders before and I am coming to the point of punishment. I think he is enjoying playing around with words/sentences and seeing how amusing he can be, so not necessarily like he is trying to annoy me, but it is becoming too annoying.

Edited September 17, 2010 by shanvan

[Dobela]

My son started doing this recently to a high degree. Part of it I wrote off as being 10. I noticed many other boys his age being silly and using sarcasm as the main form. But I also realized something else - in my attempt to keep school serious, I never laughed, or cut up, or was silly with him - sometimes not even after school work. Once I started changing my attitude and giving him a time and place to be silly and give ridiculous answers, he quit doing it as much other times.

[Wheres Toto]

How old is he? My son does this kind of thing all the time - answering in silly voices, with funny pronunciations, while bouncing around the couch - just being silly in general. But, he's only 5 years old so I don't really make a big deal out of it. If he was 10, I would take a stricter stance on answering appropriately although I like it when we can be silly with each other so I would probably only put a stop to it if it was seriously interfering with getting anything done.

[Crissy]

Hunter does this kind of thing on occassion. He gets on a roll and thinks he's the funniest boy who ever lived.

When it bothers me I tell him that he's hit my limit. I'm done with the silliness and he needs to answer my questions properly.

[Daisy]

My daughter has been doing this for over a year. We've worked on discussing when it is appropriate and when it isn't. Honestly, I think it is the beginning logic stage. "I'm old enough and smart enough to play around with language and I've just discovered irony and satire so I'll give it a go." Learning when it is funny and when it is sarcastic take time, imo. I see it as part of my responsibility to guide her in its correct usage and I do expect her to obey me when I tell her, "Enough".

[elegantlion]

It might not bother me, dependent upon age. My ds and I tend to get giddy during school and sometimes we just take a "time out" to be silly. Once we get it all out we regroup and focus.

 

If it becomes too much and constant I will give him a :glare: and remind him it's time to focus.

[shanvan]

My son started doing this recently to a high degree. Part of it I wrote off as being 10. I noticed many other boys his age being silly and using sarcasm as the main form. But I also realized something else - in my attempt to keep school serious, I never laughed, or cut up, or was silly with him - sometimes not even after school work. Once I started changing my attitude and giving him a time and place to be silly and give ridiculous answers, he quit doing it as much other times.

 

Yes, I know what you mean. That's why I'm sort of conflicted on this issue.

 

Paula- We do get giddy at times too, mostly when I am getting too tired.

 

We are talking about a 12 year old 7th grader here.

[Dobela]

You know, sometimes all my son wants is just a silly response back from me. If it continues beyond what I want sometimes there are consequences like additional math problems or an additional chore.

[EJCMom]

If it was once in a while when we were all feeling silly it wouldn't bother me. But to be doing it constantly seems socially inappropriate to me. If it were my son, I would probably explain to him that it's okay to be silly occasionally, but generally when the teacher is asking a question she expects a serious answer. I look at this as social training more than a respect issue.

[Murphy101]

No this would NOT bother me at all.

 

Sometimes I think it's a measure of how cynical they are becoming. Seriously, imagine asking your husband, "What are the rules for dirty dishes in this house?" Sounds a bit condescending, doesn't it?

 

Whenever my son does this, it means we are working below his level of ability.

 

Hey there's a cure! Tell him if he keeps doing it, it's a sign he needs more or harder work.:tongue_smilie:

 

Occasionally it wouldn't bother me much, but constantly would be very annoying and disrespectful.

 

I tell my kids this is no different than teasing or rough housing. If the other people, esp the one you are doing it to, do not find it funny and playful - then it is NOT funny or playing at that point, it is just rude.

[Julie in CA]

I'm gonna go with disrespectful.

He knows it's annoying, and is continuing to do it in spite of correction. Just that alone would make it a problem that needed to be dealt with, imo. What's more is that for his own sake, he needs to learn to control that response. Someday he will be in situations where he needs to answer politely, no matter how silly he might find the question. To put it in another context, how would a college professor or future employer see the behavior? My ds earned himself a ticket as a fairly new driver. Because of his age, he had to go in front of the judge. When the judge asked him, "After today, how do you feel about exceeding the speed limit?", it would have not been good if my ds had been allowed to believe that a flip response to every question was acceptable. It would not bother me if it were in the correct context, and I would be inclined to allow it once in a great while, but a kid who'd already been corrected for the behavior would receive "consequences" if it continued.

[angela in ohio]

And, I still believe he needs to be respectful even when he is not being challenged.

 

Yes, there are surely better ways to express feelings than disrespectful words. I think you would do him no favors to continue allowing him to express himself that way. Consider his poor wife if he learns that this is an acceptable way to express your emotions! :001_huh:

 

We discuss it with dc as being about crossing "the line." We explain that as they get older the line moves back as far as how they can speak to us or to others (sarcasm, joking, questioning, etc.) They have a little more freedom as they go. Sometimes they step WAY over the line, and we explain to them that that is what happened. If they don't "get it" from that conversation, consequences follow. Swift, serious consequences that return us to a happy home quickly.

 

I always try to think of how it will work out for them as an adult. Who would want to be around someone who constantly had a smarty comment when asked a question (I know from first hand experience, my borther is like that, and ten minutes of him is enough for anyone!) By teaching him now when it is approriate and when it is not, rather than ignoring it on the one hand or totally shooting him down on the other hand, you will make him a better adult.

[holdoll]

In our house, this would be disrespectful behavior. Three strikes you're out and get sent to the Principal (Dad). Whether the child is bored or not wouldn't be the point, although I would take that into consideration to improve the situation. The point is that hopefully we are raising our children to be productive members of society. This class clown behavior would not go far at university or at a place of employment.

[Stacia]

My daughter has been doing this for over a year. We've worked on discussing when it is appropriate and when it isn't. Honestly, I think it is the beginning logic stage. "I'm old enough and smart enough to play around with language and I've just discovered irony and satire so I'll give it a go." Learning when it is funny and when it is sarcastic take time, imo. I see it as part of my responsibility to guide her in its correct usage and I do expect her to obey me when I tell her, "Enough".

 

Great point. I agree & think it shows signs of a creative & smart mind to do that. Granted, it may get irritating to you sometimes (& your ds needs to know when to stop), but I don't see it as a problem. If he were in school (away from home), he would probably get into trouble for doing this; by being at home, I see it as he has a chance to stretch his creative & intellectual muscles & you get the opportunity to help him hone them to be appropriate to the situation (while still getting to enjoy & have a few laughs over his funny, creative remarks).

 

So, no, it wouldn't bother me (most of the time anyway). I was the type of kid who made remarks like that too (except I didn't say them out loud, just in my head -- and I even still do that as an adult :tongue_smilie::lol:). My ds is like this & we can laugh about it, but I point out why it couldn't or wouldn't be appropriate in certain situations (and point out when it would be appropriate too). My opinion is to lighten up, enjoy his humor, and guide him on when it's appropriate & when it is not. :001_smile: Having a quick wit is something that is actually beneficial to a person throughout his life, imo. Help him learn to use his capabilities in the right way.

[BeckyFL]

Hmmmm... how would I respond? We do a lot of joking around here and try to keep things light-hearted and fun so I would probably laugh and try to analyze that sentence to see what we think those words really mean when we put them together. Not sure what your rules are or how they've been broken. Maybe if we knew that, it would help?

[mammaruss]

Great point. I agree & think it shows signs of a creative & smart mind to do that. Granted, it may get irritating to you sometimes (& your ds needs to know when to stop), but I don't see it as a problem. If he were in school (away from home), he would probably get into trouble for doing this; by being at home, I see it as he has a chance to stretch his creative & intellectual muscles & you get the opportunity to help him hone them to be appropriate to the situation (while still getting to enjoy & have a few laughs over his funny, creative remarks).

 

So, no, it wouldn't bother me (most of the time anyway). I was the type of kid who made remarks like that too (except I didn't say them out loud, just in my head -- and I even still do that as an adult :tongue_smilie::lol:). My ds is like this & we can laugh about it, but I point out why it couldn't or wouldn't be appropriate in certain situations (and point out when it would be appropriate too). My opinion is to lighten up, enjoy his humor, and guide him on when it's appropriate & when it is not. :001_smile: Having a quick wit is something that is actually beneficial to a person throughout his life, imo. Help him learn to use his capabilities in the right way.

 

:iagree: Our youngest ds finds humor in EVERYTHING and he also has a quick wit! We laugh out loud at him quite frequently. He is not doing it to be disrespectful--it is just in his dna. We are also teaching him there is a time and a place for his humor. He is the type that gets along with everyone and can make a new friend in a heartbeat. We do not want to squelch something that is such a huge part of who he is.

[Kim in Appalachia]

How old is your son? My 5 year old loves to give me silly answers. He thinks it's funny. My 8 year old does as well. They are not intending to talk back or be disrespectful, just silly. But my 8 year old knows when I am being serious, or when he's been too silly. He can tell by the look I give him. :001_smile:

 

I think boys love being silly. If you say to him, please stop being silly, I want a real answer, and he still does it, then I would say he's being disrespectful.

[JVA]

These kind of things have to be looked at from a few angles to get a full picture:

 

Intent

How repetitious is it?

Self control

 

I have been told by my 4 sons that I have absolutly no sense of humor while my dh and boys are silly/ sarcastic a lot. The happy ground we land at is "What TIME is it?" Is it time to be silly or time to be serious?

 

If the child's intent is to annoy you, I'd say it's disrespectful. If it's to make everyone laugh and you're teaching, I'd say it's disruptive.

 

If it's happening every day, I'd say it needs to stop.

 

EVERY child must learn some modicum of self control. A child should learn from home that he needs to take other's time and peace and quiet into consideration with his actions. Timing is important, as well.

 

The first few times, I'd let it go, but our kids knew I meant business when it came to schooltime and we had things to accomplish. So, Mom wasn't usually in a mood to deal with snarky comments. After school, etccc. "Bring it On" Let's have fun in life.

[myfunnybunch]

My son started doing this recently to a high degree. Part of it I wrote off as being 10. I noticed many other boys his age being silly and using sarcasm as the main form. But I also realized something else - in my attempt to keep school serious, I never laughed, or cut up, or was silly with him - sometimes not even after school work. Once I started changing my attitude and giving him a time and place to be silly and give ridiculous answers, he quit doing it as much other times.

 

This was our experience as well.

 

I think boys this age, around 10-12, are starting to be able to see the silliness and word play and humor in life, and starting to really understand sarcasm. And of course, even though we've heard this kind of silliness almost all our lives, it's new to them so they think they are the funniest creatures alive.

 

I also found that when it starts to get out of hand, if instead of looking or acting annoyed, I just raise my eyebrows (with that "C'mon, dude" look-you know that one, right? ;) ) and wait, I get the correct answer. Sometimes even with a "Sorry, Mom" and a grin.

 

Cat

[kamom]

I believe you've heard the all the answers. Make sure he knows when it's appropriate. I love a good sense of humor. My son does this too. I try to guide him and tell him when it's not appropriate and laugh when it's funny.

These days I often say, 'Smarty had a party but nobody came." He knows that's the limit, stop it and be serious now.

He also makes friends very easy, very outgoing and I believe he will end up having a great sense of humor.

 

So can't you direct it? Now, if he continues to act smart/funny, when you've said, enough....well that's a differant story.

[Belacqua]

This was our experience as well.

 

I think boys this age, around 10-12, are starting to be able to see the silliness and word play and humor in life, and starting to really understand sarcasm. And of course, even though we've heard this kind of silliness almost all our lives, it's new to them so they think they are the funniest creatures alive.

 

I also found that when it starts to get out of hand, if instead of looking or acting annoyed, I just raise my eyebrows (with that "C'mon, dude" look-you know that one, right? ;) ) and wait, I get the correct answer. Sometimes even with a "Sorry, Mom" and a grin.

 

Cat

 

This makes a lot of sense to me. A little goofiness keeps things fun, and learning when to get back to business is an important lesson.

 

It's kind of what Ramona Quimby's dad always says: "First time is funny, second time is silly, third time is a spanking." [maybe not literal spanking, but I still like the point he makes]

[RoughCollie]

IMO, it is disrespect if it is meant disrespectfully.

 

My boys went through phases like this. It annoyed me, but it was not meant disrespectfully. Therefore they did not get in trouble for it.

 

That said, if any of them popped up with a joke about bones when I was teaching them about bones, for example, I considered that to be disruptive. I had a demerit system, and the kids would get a demerit for things like that, disrespectful or not. This is because it was rude to interrupt me and the concentration of the other kids (all 4 of mine were in the same grade for everything except math). When one kid told a joke or complained (why do we have to learn this?) at my house, it quickly became a free-for-all, so I had to put a stop to it.

 

I had a list of 5-minute chores on the whiteboard. Every 2 demerits, and I sent the culprit off to do a chore. The list started with cleaning toilets, and we had 3 of them. The interruptions with jokes (and complaints, in my case) ceased because no one enjoyed leaving the table to clean a toilet. The "punishment" was certain and swift, and the first three people who did not comply had to clean a toilet. Other distasteful jobs followed -- like cleaning a trash can or gathering and taking out the garbage, or cleaning up after the dog in the back yard.

 

It definitely helped my attitude to have a benefit that accrued directly to me when the kids misbehaved. It was lovely, for the first week or so, to have clean bathrooms at the end of the school day.

Edited September 17, 2010 by RoughCollie

[rwjx2khsmj]

If you've told your son not to do something, discussed why it should be done differently and what you expect in the future and the behavior continues then it is disrespect.

 

Could you overlook the behavior? Probably. Is it really an battle you want to fight? Maybe, maybe not. Only you can decide what's important enough to claim your time and attention.

[Paintedlady]

If ds did this constantly then he would be punished. Once or twice I let go with stern warning then after the 3rd time would be punishment. So you are not being uptight especially if you have given him grace the times that he did this. I would talk to your hubby about this and see if he can put a stop to this.

 

If my kids act up and I can't get them to stop then hubby is told. He is not the principal but my partner/husband that helps bring order to the house/school. :D

 

That way your son will know that is inappropriate when both of you laid down rules about his responses.

 

Holly

 

:iagree: Absolutely. This is how we handle it here. Ds is quite the goofball, to the point it drives me crazy sometimes. :banghead:

[kokotg]

It's kind of what Ramona Quimby's dad always says: "First time is funny, second time is silly, third time is a spanking." [maybe not literal spanking, but I still like the point he makes]

 

I was going to quote the same thing :). And, in fact, I do quote it, half seriously, all the time, around here (but I don't actually spank anyone). When I'm one on one with a kid, he usually knows when to cut it out; when it's 2 or 3 together, we have problems. I have no problem with a bit of goofiness, but they need to know when to stop.

[angela in ohio]

I was going to quote the same thing :). And, in fact, I do quote it, half seriously, all the time, around here (but I don't actually spank anyone). When I'm one on one with a kid, he usually knows when to cut it out; when it's 2 or 3 together, we have problems. I have no problem with a bit of goofiness, but they need to know when to stop.

 

In our house we say "once is funny." This applies both to continuing to do something you've been told to stop, as well as to copying something someone else did that was funny. :001_smile:

[Virg]

I agree with the two posters above. I will add in here that I am quite strict and know it and am okay with it :) I let my kids have a lot of freedom in a lot of areas but we are very serious about disrespect. If it is making someone feel bad or upset, annoyed etc than it isn't nice/respectful (at our house). For us it is religious reasons: J-O-Y, Jesus first, Others second, Yourself last. :) And I also agree with several posters about the hubby! LOL that is my line of defense ;)

[shanvan]

I appreciate all the ideas. I have plenty to think about and discuss with DH tonight. Part of the problem for me is that DS will stop (for a while) after being told he's inappropriate. Then maybe 30 minutes or 1hr later, or sometimes maybe not until a day later, he forgets again. But, at a certain point forgetting cannot continue to be an excuse.

 

Shannon

[Tree House Academy]

When I ask a question during teaching my DS will give me a sort of smart alec answer. Example:

 

MOM: Can you tell me what rules we have during school hours?

 

DS: (with silly grin on face) Make as much noise as you possibly can't!

 

Non if it happened once it wouldn't be so bad, but this goes on constantly. I feel like I can't get a serious answer out of him. He will purposely mispronounce words to the correct answer, or mix two words into one, etc. This is often during times when I am teaching him with his younger sister. It's like he is trying to be the class clown. It annoys me! I feel it is wasting time. BUT, am I being too uptight????

 

Curious to know if it would bother other moms too, or if it's just me.

 

Shannon

 

 

My son does this...and when he does, he gets points taken away for his school store for the week. After he loses so many points, he sees that it may be a good idea to shut the mouth. Usually works for us.