My world just ended....

[twilkin]

My beautiful baby girl, 15 almost 16, is pregnant. I've known for about a week now, set up all the necessary appointments, talked with our pastors, but I was just going through old photo albums and it just hit me like a rock. Nothing will ever be the same again. The beautiful imaginary life I had visioned for my baby girl is no more and now she and her whole family have a long road.

 

She met a boy, fell in love, and asked if they could court. I gave permission for the courtship with the condition that they always have a chaperone with them. Well, one night she made the horrible choice to sneak out her window to meet up with him and the rest is history.

 

A baby is her hearts desire. She loves kids and is as prepared as any child her age could be but she knows her life is drastically changed. She says she knows what she did is wrong and is sorry. She told the boy who immediately stopped all contact with her and seems to have moved on to a new girl. This is her biggest blow right now. She thought they were in love and would be together forever.

 

Now she will have to deal with the judgement of everyone she comes into contact with, the whole family will be judged. We've worked so hard to raise our children in the Lord only to have this happen. Where did we go wrong? We have always been a church family. Every Sunday, Wednesdays, serving the church and people every opportunity. We talked with her about waiting.

 

My husband is having a hard time because it seems everything he has worked so hard to represent has just been flushed down the drain. How can we minister to anyone about Jesus when our very own children fall away so easily?

 

I have told her she will finish school and go to college as originally planned. She will stay with us and we will all raise the baby. The pastors are behind her because she is repentant but even they will suffer backlash for supporting her. Even the younger siblings will suffer pain from the comments made by people.

 

If only we could hit the rewind button.....

[OnTheBrink]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I'm glad your pastors are supportive. For anyone else who raises their nose or gets all pious, remember: there but for the grace of God goes anyone.

 

Focus on your daughter, not on judgmental biddies. It will be ok. God works out all things for good for those who love Him.

[Lovin Learnin]

Certainly a life-changing mistake but not the end of the world. Praying for you and your daughter. :grouphug:

[4kiddies]

If people are judging you they never were your friends. Hug your daughter, tell her you love her and move forward. Congrats grandma, a baby is ALWAYS a blessing, whether SHE choses to keep it or put it up for adoption and bless someone else.

[ourjourneys]

We all go through things for whatever reason and they are tests for our journeys. Keep your head up and stay supportive of your daughter. Keep a positive outlook on life. She is going to need you to be really strong - and not worrying about what others think. That is one of the easiest traps to get into. We can easily be dragged down by that. Thinking of you all. :)

[Sahamamama]

How can we minister to anyone about Jesus when our very own children fall away so easily?

 

Jesus came to redeem us. There is no rewind button, but there is grace.

 

Grace is enough.

 

:grouphug:

[Mrs Mungo]

How can we minister to anyone about Jesus when our very own children fall away so easily?

 

 

Because we are all fallen, we are all sinners, we are saved through grace not by our works or our own goodness. :grouphug:

[mom26]

I am so sorry for all your family is walking through right now. Have you tried contacting a Christian Crisis Pregnancy Center? I know the local one here is a great resource and support to families in your situation.

 

Also, I personally know several families where this has happened...the Lord has redeemed those situations and done a mighty work...don't lose heart...the Lord understands your concerns and heartache...but He is a father to the fatherless and has a plan and purpose for this little one.

:grouphug:

 

Blessings,

kathi

[Renee in NC]

Life isn't over. I promise. I'm 34 - see my signature.;)

 

Also, my sister just had a baby as well, just weeks after her 16th birthday. (I promise it had nothing to do with her seeing me - my oldest was born before she was!) She's going to be fine, as it the beautiful baby girl that she loves with all her heart. The boy in question did the same thing and she also thought they would be in love forever.:glare:

 

Your children haven't fallen away so easily as far as I can tell. Are you telling me that your dc never sin? That you don't? That the other people in your congregation don't? She hasn't fallen away unless she has given up her faith. If she is sorry for her sin, confesses her sin, and repents, then she hasn't fallen away.

 

*You* do not need to raise this baby - let your daughter do it. It is her baby. She can finish school, she can go to college - having a baby will not stop that.

 

:grouphug:

[Jyniffrec]

My husband is having a hard time because it seems everything he has worked so hard to represent has just been flushed down the drain. How can we minister to anyone about Jesus when our very own children fall away so easily?

 

It may be hard to see now, but you will be even more qualified to minister to other people because you will have lived through a hardship and made it to the other side.

 

I am so sorry that this has happened to you. We have had great trials with our children and the best advice I can give is to go ahead and be angry and sad and let all the other emotions come out, but then set a time when you are going to stand up to the task and be strong. Then, at the times when you can't take it, cry in the middle of the night with your husband. It may also be a good idea to get the whole family into counseling to help you deal with it all.

 

:grouphug:

[Sue G in PA]

:grouphug: Praying for you all. Please remember that this is a mistake...just like any other (although the ramifications are much greater). The child, however, is NOT a mistake. You have done a great job raising your daughter, mom. Don't question that. Try to ignore the judgemental comments. I'm glad you have a supportive pastor and friends around you. I remember what it was like at 15/16 yo, being in "love" and facing the temptation of physical intimacy. Christian or not...the temptation is great.

[cathmom]

Life isn't over. I promise. I'm 34 - see my signature.;)

 

Also, my sister just had a baby as well, just weeks after her 16th birthday. (I promise it had nothing to do with her seeing me - my oldest was born before she was!) She's going to be fine, as it the beautiful baby girl that she loves with all her heart. The boy in question did the same thing and she also thought they would be in love forever.:glare:

 

Your children haven't fallen away so easily as far as I can tell. Are you telling me that your dc never sin? That you don't? That the other people in your congregation don't? She hasn't fallen away unless she has given up her faith. If she is sorry for her sin, confesses her sin, and repents, then she hasn't fallen away.

 

*You* do not need to raise this baby - let your daughter do it. It is her baby. She can finish school, she can go to college - having a baby will not stop that.

 

:grouphug:

 

:iagree:

[FaithManor]

I agree with SolaMichella....forget the naysayers and maybe even find a new church. Apparently some Christians selectively forget certain portions of the New Testament such as, "He who is without sin, cast the first stone!" It could be anyone of us.

 

Teens are just so incredibly impulsive. That said, how old is the boy and are you going to let him off scott free on this thing? I think I'd be reminding him that you can't force him to be a man, but the court can force him to be an income! Even if he is still in high school, he can give her some money even if it is just a paper route, mowing lawns, or bagging groceries at the supermarket on the weekends.

 

I would also consider blowing the whistle on him to the parents of the new girl. It was very obvious that he has "ulterior" motives and this wasn't just his being impulsive as well. He has stuck your daughter with a tremendous life altering responsibility while he parties. You might want to consider having the pastor have a heart to heart with the new family before their daughter ends up in the same boat.

 

(((HUGS))) praying for you!. Just to let you know, my 46 year old brother has a 28 year old son...neither he nor the mother were out of high school yet when the baby was born. My brother took responsibility for his actions and that nephew of mine is the most amazing blessing. We can not possibly imagine life without him and he has blossomed into the nicest young man, newly married, that we could have hoped for.....just a sweetie! So, you are in the thick of some pretty difficult emotions right now, but rest assured that though the circumstance that this child was conceived in was wrong, the life is not! God loves babies! Your daughter is probably doing enough self-recrimination for ten people, so I encourage you to just love on her.....think of the well-being of that grand-baby. Stress and negativity do affect pregnancy.

 

God Bless,

Faith

[Momofeat]

How can we minister to anyone about Jesus when our very own children fall away so easily?

 

 

 

You will be able to minister to more people than you ever imagined because you will better understand their struggles. :grouphug:

[Kari C in SC]

Honey, I say this gently, but your world did not just end. It is only beginning. 22 years ago - I was a pregnant 16 year old. I gave birth to the most wonderful gift. His name was Timmy and he lit up our lives for 21 amazing years. He was killed in a car accident in May. This morning, the Army brought all of his belongings. I opened the box with his blanket and pillows. I buried my head in his pillow to smell him and sobbed. My heart is broken and I feel like my life has ended, but it hasn't. I have to keep going on. I was that 16 year old who went to high school pregnant. I was the girl that was supposed to have a scholarship to any school of her choosing. I chose to get pregnant - not by accident because I loved my boyfriend who has now been my husband for 20 years.

 

My dad got very sick one month after Timmy was born. He spent the next 9 years battling devastating illness. My mom always said that Timmy was sent to light her way. She would look at my dad falling apart in front of her and then look at Timmy smiling at her. He was the best thing and not a bad thing at all. I know this is tough for you, but remember that God has a plan. As hard as that has been for me to believe these last 2 months, I keep telling myself. I keep asking why God gave me Timmy when I was 16 and then took him away - I don't know and will never know until I get to heaven. Please, breathe and know that this is not the end... it is just the beginning. Blessings to you!

 

ETA - Many times over these last two months, I have sat quietly and thought about being pregnant at 16. I have wished that I could go back and hold my baby boy. I can't and I know that. Please love your daughter and her child. Do not worry about what people will say - if they will say anything at all. I can't remember a single person saying anything awful to me. It really will all be okay.

Edited July 12, 2010 by Kari C in SC

[bairnmama]

:grouphug::grouphug: A former member of my homeschooling group is going through something similar with her daughter, except that the daughter was already in her 2nd year of college. Also, this former member's dh IS the pastor of their church. They, too, thought they had raised her to be different from the world and wait until marriage. I won't say it hasn't been tough for them, but the child is born now and she absolutely gushes with joy over this grandchild! The mistake was made and could not be taken back; the only choice was to accept it and move forward. You say your daughter knows what she did was wrong and is repentant.... this is the perfect way to minister to others about Jesus. We are ALL sinners and fall away, but He loves us still and desires us to repent and come to Him for the forgiveness He freely bestows! I pray you and your family find the strength to love as Christ loves and to keep your heads high in light of His grace!

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

You did not go wrong anywhere! Just remember, she is only human and the human temptations do not pass by Christians. Christians are not perfect. We are fallen people. God forgives! There is no sin to great for God to forgive, especially with a truly repentant heart!

 

I got pregnant with my oldest at 16. I had her at 17. My dh is her dad, we have been married for 12 years. I was not a Christian then, but am now. I use my mistakes to help others! Let God use this for good! He is more than capable! If anybody judges you, your daughter or your pastors for supporting her, then they will have to face God about that. That is not their place! Just pray for the people that you think will, (whether you know them or not) and don't worry what other people think. Love your daughter, love your dgc! This is a Blessing and God can (and will if you let Him) use it for good!

 

Good WILL come of this (and more than just a wonderful grandchild!) What the enemy intends for bad, turn around and let God use for good! :grouphug:

 

Please remember to love and support your dd right now! She really needs to know you are there for her and love her no matter what!

[Liz CA]

It does not mean it will be only horrible either. Right now it's life changing but it does not mean your dd is doomed for the rest of her life.

 

What about the father? Have you or your dh contacted the boy and his parents? How old is he? They need to know, he is the other half of this baby. At least if everyone knows you can all get together and decide on a course of action. As far as "moving on to a new girl", the parents of this "new girl" as well as the girl herself may be interested in the fact that he is a father.

 

Yes, she may have to deal with judgment from people who like to sit in judgment of others. I know a little about this as I am the daughter of a woman who got "in trouble" as it was called then. You will have to talk frankly to your daughter and prepare her for unkind remarks and I would even rehearse some humble but firm responses such as: "I know I have made a mistake, I am so glad you are showing concern. It means a lot to me." or some such thing. There will be others on this board who can come up with much better replies than this.

Teach her about boundaries in relationships to comments. She does not need to stand there and let the remarks rain down on her but she should expect that it may happen.

 

Of course, your dh has a hard time. What father would not? But now you are in a unique position to minister from a place of pain, not just academically but by your experience. This is not the unforgivable sin but it was sin nevertheless. How wonderful that Christ already died for sins.

 

No doubt, the entire family will be affected. Include the younger children in some discussions. I would try to make sure that they don't need to let people tear their family down but they need to remain polite. Again, a quick: "Thank you for your concern about my sister," may be enough before they walk away.

 

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, to prosper you and not to harm you.

Edited July 13, 2010 by Liz CA

[sheryl]

My beautiful baby girl, 15 almost 16, is pregnant. I've known for about a week now, set up all the necessary appointments, talked with our pastors, but I was just going through old photo albums and it just hit me like a rock. Nothing will ever be the same again. The beautiful imaginary life I had visioned for my baby girl is no more and now she and her whole family have a long road.

 

She met a boy, fell in love, and asked if they could court. I gave permission for the courtship with the condition that they always have a chaperone with them. Well, one night she made the horrible choice to sneak out her window to meet up with him and the rest is history.

 

A baby is her hearts desire. She loves kids and is as prepared as any child her age could be but she knows her life is drastically changed. She says she knows what she did is wrong and is sorry. She told the boy who immediately stopped all contact with her and seems to have moved on to a new girl. This is her biggest blow right now. She thought they were in love and would be together forever.

 

Now she will have to deal with the judgement of everyone she comes into contact with, the whole family will be judged. We've worked so hard to raise our children in the Lord only to have this happen. Where did we go wrong? We have always been a church family. Every Sunday, Wednesdays, serving the church and people every opportunity. We talked with her about waiting.

 

My husband is having a hard time because it seems everything he has worked so hard to represent has just been flushed down the drain. How can we minister to anyone about Jesus when our very own children fall away so easily?

 

I have told her she will finish school and go to college as originally planned. She will stay with us and we will all raise the baby. The pastors are behind her because she is repentant but even they will suffer backlash for supporting her. Even the younger siblings will suffer pain from the comments made by people.

 

If only we could hit the rewind button.....

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

Honey, I say this gently, but your world did not just end. It is only beginning. 22 years ago - I was a pregnant 16 year old. I gave birth to the most wonderful gift. His name was Timmy and he lit up our lives for 21 amazing years. He was killed in a car accident in May. This morning, the Army brought all of his belongings. I opened the box with his blanket and pillows. I buried my head in his pillow to smell him and sobbed. My heart is broken and I feel like my life has ended, but it hasn't. I have to keep going on. I was that 16 year old who went to high school pregnant. I was the girl that was supposed to have a scholarship to any school of her choosing. I chose to get pregnant - not by accident because I loved my boyfriend who has now been my husband for 20 years.

 

My dad got very sick one month after Timmy was born. He spent the next 9 years battling devastating illness. My mom always said that Timmy was sent to light her way. She would look at my dad falling apart in front of her and then look at Timmy smiling at her. He was the best thing and not a bad thing at all. I know this is tough for you, but remember that God has a plan. As hard as that has been for me to believe these last 2 months, I keep telling myself. I keep asking why God gave me Timmy when I was 16 and then took him away - I don't know and will never know until I get to heaven. Please, breathe and know that this is not the end... it is just the beginning. Blessings to you!

 

 

:grouphug::grouphug: :crying: :grouphug::grouphug:

[sassenach]

Honey, I say this gently, but your world did not just end. It is only beginning. 22 years ago - I was a pregnant 16 year old. I gave birth to the most wonderful gift. His name was Timmy and he lit up our lives for 21 amazing years. He was killed in a car accident in May. This morning, the Army brought all of his belongings. I opened the box with his blanket and pillows. I buried my head in his pillow to smell him and sobbed. My heart is broken and I feel like my life has ended, but it hasn't. I have to keep going on. I was that 16 year old who went to high school pregnant. I was the girl that was supposed to have a scholarship to any school of her choosing. I chose to get pregnant - not by accident because I loved my boyfriend who has now been my husband for 20 years.

 

My dad got very sick one month after Timmy was born. He spent the next 9 years battling devastating illness. My mom always said that Timmy was sent to light her way. She would look at my dad falling apart in front of her and then look at Timmy smiling at her. He was the best thing and not a bad thing at all. I know this is tough for you, but remember that God has a plan. As hard as that has been for me to believe these last 2 months, I keep telling myself. I keep asking why God gave me Timmy when I was 16 and then took him away - I don't know and will never know until I get to heaven. Please, breathe and know that this is not the end... it is just the beginning. Blessings to you!

 

Oh, Kari. There's just not a word I can articulate to say how deep that post hits my soul. You and Tim remain in my prayers.

[holdoll]

Twilkin, I just want to reach across this internet connection and give you a huge hug. {{{HUGS}}}

 

I thank the good Lord that he was not so judgmental when He walked this earth. He said He came to heal the sick; but His sheep claim to be perfect and not to need him anymore. I am not condoning what your daughter did - but I cannot condemn you and your family either! Each of our children were created to be what He wants them to be. We as parents are only temporary stewards. Your dd made her own choice - one that will affect her for the rest of her life. Jesus said we will know them by their fruit. Well that cuts both ways. If your daughter is repentent, and your church family still treated her as an outcast, I would find a new church family.

 

My sister made the same "mistake" 35 years ago. Our family rallied around her and supported her any way that we could. Her son is now 35, and married with three beautiful children of his own. I can't imagine life without them. It has been a hard life for her. But the Lord has been a constant. He is faithful even when we are not!

[Lovedtodeath]

How can we minister to anyone about Jesus when our very own children fall away so easily?

All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.

 

:grouphug:

 

It does not mean that she has fallen away. It means that she is not perfect.

 

We have many examples in the scriptures of Godly men who made mistakes, even grave mistakes and some of those never fell away. Others did for just a short time. They have been blessed by God to have their stories in the Bible as an example for us.

 

:grouphug:

[2cents]

If people are judging you they never were your friends. Hug your daughter, tell her you love her and move forward. Congrats grandma, a baby is ALWAYS a blessing, whether SHE choses to keep it or put it up for adoption and bless someone else.

 

:iagree:

What's done is done and the only direction to move in is forward and the future is what you make it. There is no reason the future can't be beautiful. This is just a curve in the road-life's full of them. :grouphug:

[elegantlion]

Honey, I say this gently, but your world did not just end. It is only beginning.

 

:iagree::grouphug: Kari, I cried while reading that. My thoughts continue to be with you and your family.

 

To the OP God didn't call us to minister and be strong in just the good times. He forms us and holds us during what we perceive to be the worst moments of our lives. And as he is God, sometimes, in time, those become our moments of greatest blessing.

[Heather in the Kootenays]

:grouphug::grouphug: to you and your daughter.

 

I had a friend who was in the same situation. Life was difficult for a bit but it all worked out.

[TammyinTN]

:grouphug::grouphug: You've gotten excellent advice here. I'm saying a prayer for your daughter and your family.

[Granny_Weatherwax]

:grouphug:

[2cents]

Dupl post. Sorry!

Edited July 12, 2010 by 2cents

[2cents]

Honey, I say this gently, but your world did not just end. It is only beginning. 22 years ago - I was a pregnant 16 year old. I gave birth to the most wonderful gift. His name was Timmy and he lit up our lives for 21 amazing years. He was killed in a car accident in May. This morning, the Army brought all of his belongings. I opened the box with his blanket and pillows. I buried my head in his pillow to smell him and sobbed. My heart is broken and I feel like my life has ended, but it hasn't. I have to keep going on. I was that 16 year old who went to high school pregnant. I was the girl that was supposed to have a scholarship to any school of her choosing. I chose to get pregnant - not by accident because I loved my boyfriend who has now been my husband for 20 years.

 

My dad got very sick one month after Timmy was born. He spent the next 9 years battling devastating illness. My mom always said that Timmy was sent to light her way. She would look at my dad falling apart in front of her and then look at Timmy smiling at her. He was the best thing and not a bad thing at all. I know this is tough for you, but remember that God has a plan. As hard as that has been for me to believe these last 2 months, I keep telling myself. I keep asking why God gave me Timmy when I was 16 and then took him away - I don't know and will never know until I get to heaven. Please, breathe and know that this is not the end... it is just the beginning. Blessings to you!

 

ETA - Many times over these last two months, I have sat quietly and thought about being pregnant at 16. I have wished that I could go back and hold my baby boy. I can't and I know that. Please love your daughter and her child. Do not worry about what people will say - if they will say anything at all. I can't remember a single person saying anything awful to me. It really will all be okay.

 

Wise words. :grouphug: :(

[phathui5]

You* do not need to raise this baby - let your daughter do it. It is her baby. She can finish school, she can go to college - having a baby will not stop that.

 

 

I agree. I was pregnant at 15 and had my first son when I was 16. My parents let me know that it was my responsibilty. I moved out, got my GED and took care of him mostly on my own until I met my now-dh (who I married when I was 18).

 

Them treating me like an adult who had to take responsibility for myself rather than making decisions for me and continuing to take care of me like I was their child was the best thing they could have done for me. Now that she's a mom, she needs to be responsible for making decisions for herself and her child.

 

And don't let anyone look down on her because of her age. Teen moms can be awesome parents. I hear all the time about how great my children are and how I'm the "exception" to the "teen parents are irresponsible" stereotype. But she can be a great mom to her baby, and her age doesn't have to be a handicap.

Edited July 12, 2010 by phathui5

[CandaceC]

I am sorry for your grief. Love, love, love on your daughter some more. :grouphug: I have no doubt that this baby will bless your family in unimaginable ways. And, yes, we can still share Jesus despite our mistakes because we ALL have made mistakes. My sins may not be as visible as as alcohol abuse or a pregnancy...but they are there none the less. That is the beauty of the gospel...He loves me despite myself. ;)

 

Hugs to you and your family as you walk this journey with your daughter! :grouphug:

[holdoll]

My eyes are welled with tears. So sorry for your loss and so thankful for your encouragement to Twilkin and to all of us. God bless.

[Nakia]

Honey, I say this gently, but your world did not just end. It is only beginning. 22 years ago - I was a pregnant 16 year old. I gave birth to the most wonderful gift. His name was Timmy and he lit up our lives for 21 amazing years. He was killed in a car accident in May. This morning, the Army brought all of his belongings. I opened the box with his blanket and pillows. I buried my head in his pillow to smell him and sobbed. My heart is broken and I feel like my life has ended, but it hasn't. I have to keep going on. I was that 16 year old who went to high school pregnant. I was the girl that was supposed to have a scholarship to any school of her choosing. I chose to get pregnant - not by accident because I loved my boyfriend who has now been my husband for 20 years.

 

My dad got very sick one month after Timmy was born. He spent the next 9 years battling devastating illness. My mom always said that Timmy was sent to light her way. She would look at my dad falling apart in front of her and then look at Timmy smiling at her. He was the best thing and not a bad thing at all. I know this is tough for you, but remember that God has a plan. As hard as that has been for me to believe these last 2 months, I keep telling myself. I keep asking why God gave me Timmy when I was 16 and then took him away - I don't know and will never know until I get to heaven. Please, breathe and know that this is not the end... it is just the beginning. Blessings to you!

 

ETA - Many times over these last two months, I have sat quietly and thought about being pregnant at 16. I have wished that I could go back and hold my baby boy. I can't and I know that. Please love your daughter and her child. Do not worry about what people will say - if they will say anything at all. I can't remember a single person saying anything awful to me. It really will all be okay.

 

Oh, Kari, I just have no words. I am sobbing. Bless you.

 

My beautiful baby girl, 15 almost 16, is pregnant. I've known for about a week now, set up all the necessary appointments, talked with our pastors, but I was just going through old photo albums and it just hit me like a rock. Nothing will ever be the same again. The beautiful imaginary life I had visioned for my baby girl is no more and now she and her whole family have a long road.

 

She met a boy, fell in love, and asked if they could court. I gave permission for the courtship with the condition that they always have a chaperone with them. Well, one night she made the horrible choice to sneak out her window to meet up with him and the rest is history.

 

A baby is her hearts desire. She loves kids and is as prepared as any child her age could be but she knows her life is drastically changed. She says she knows what she did is wrong and is sorry. She told the boy who immediately stopped all contact with her and seems to have moved on to a new girl. This is her biggest blow right now. She thought they were in love and would be together forever.

 

Now she will have to deal with the judgement of everyone she comes into contact with, the whole family will be judged. We've worked so hard to raise our children in the Lord only to have this happen. Where did we go wrong? We have always been a church family. Every Sunday, Wednesdays, serving the church and people every opportunity. We talked with her about waiting.

 

My husband is having a hard time because it seems everything he has worked so hard to represent has just been flushed down the drain. How can we minister to anyone about Jesus when our very own children fall away so easily?

 

I have told her she will finish school and go to college as originally planned. She will stay with us and we will all raise the baby. The pastors are behind her because she is repentant but even they will suffer backlash for supporting her. Even the younger siblings will suffer pain from the comments made by people.

 

If only we could hit the rewind button.....

 

I know you are in shock and heartbroken right now. I don't have personal experience with this, obviously, my girls are young. But the daughter of the pastor of the church we used to attend got pregnant at 16 as well. Her mother was devastated and had such a hard time with it. I watched them walk a painful path. But they came out stronger because of it. The father's entire family starting coming to church and all of them were saved because of that baby. When the baby was 3 months old, he passed away from SIDS. In 3 short months, Zane changed lives. God doesn't make mistakes. There is a reason, and God will use this for His glory. The most important thing you can do is love on your girl. Bless you. :grouphug:

[Daisy]

Because we are all fallen, we are all sinners, we are saved through grace not by our works or our own goodness. :grouphug:

 

Amen. Can I say how glad I am that you are standing by your daughter. Love her and support her!

 

My sister got an abortion because she was too afraid to even tell my Dad she was pregnant. Too afraid of what people would say.

 

This is not the unpardonable sin.

[Slartibartfast]

You have gotten so many amazing responses. :)

 

:grouphug: May this child be a blessing to you.

[twilkin]

Thank you ladies for your kind comments and wisdom. Everyone was sleeping so I guess I decided to have a woulda-coulda-shoulda pity party. Thank you for slapping me out of it gently.

 

Our pastors and friends couldn't be better support for my daughter or my family. My dd definately plans on keeping the baby and will be a wonderful mother. And I know God will turn it all around for good. Already my daughter and I are closer because of this and spending a LOT more time in prayer.

 

As far as the boy is concerned I don't want to ruin his life. If he chooses not to be part of this it will be his loss. His own mother is very much wanting to be a part of it and is horrified at her son's response. (Also raised in church) We are reaching out to her as much as possible so she does not blame herself. It takes two after all.

 

Thank you again for all your kind words. DD is up and needing a bucket now so I better go. The joys of pregnancy and natural consequences.

[sheryl]

Honey, I say this gently, but your world did not just end. It is only beginning. 22 years ago - I was a pregnant 16 year old. I gave birth to the most wonderful gift. His name was Timmy and he lit up our lives for 21 amazing years. He was killed in a car accident in May. This morning, the Army brought all of his belongings. I opened the box with his blanket and pillows. I buried my head in his pillow to smell him and sobbed. My heart is broken and I feel like my life has ended, but it hasn't. I have to keep going on. I was that 16 year old who went to high school pregnant. I was the girl that was supposed to have a scholarship to any school of her choosing. I chose to get pregnant - not by accident because I loved my boyfriend who has now been my husband for 20 years.

 

My dad got very sick one month after Timmy was born. He spent the next 9 years battling devastating illness. My mom always said that Timmy was sent to light her way. She would look at my dad falling apart in front of her and then look at Timmy smiling at her. He was the best thing and not a bad thing at all. I know this is tough for you, but remember that God has a plan. As hard as that has been for me to believe these last 2 months, I keep telling myself. I keep asking why God gave me Timmy when I was 16 and then took him away - I don't know and will never know until I get to heaven. Please, breathe and know that this is not the end... it is just the beginning. Blessings to you!

 

ETA - Many times over these last two months, I have sat quietly and thought about being pregnant at 16. I have wished that I could go back and hold my baby boy. I can't and I know that. Please love your daughter and her child. Do not worry about what people will say - if they will say anything at all. I can't remember a single person saying anything awful to me. It really will all be okay.

 

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: covering you Kari! Sheryl <><

[Denisemomof4]

Honey, I say this gently, but your world did not just end. It is only beginning. 22 years ago - I was a pregnant 16 year old. I gave birth to the most wonderful gift. His name was Timmy and he lit up our lives for 21 amazing years. He was killed in a car accident in May. This morning, the Army brought all of his belongings. I opened the box with his blanket and pillows. I buried my head in his pillow to smell him and sobbed. My heart is broken and I feel like my life has ended, but it hasn't. I have to keep going on. I was that 16 year old who went to high school pregnant. I was the girl that was supposed to have a scholarship to any school of her choosing. I chose to get pregnant - not by accident because I loved my boyfriend who has now been my husband for 20 years.

 

My dad got very sick one month after Timmy was born. He spent the next 9 years battling devastating illness. My mom always said that Timmy was sent to light her way. She would look at my dad falling apart in front of her and then look at Timmy smiling at her. He was the best thing and not a bad thing at all. I know this is tough for you, but remember that God has a plan. As hard as that has been for me to believe these last 2 months, I keep telling myself. I keep asking why God gave me Timmy when I was 16 and then took him away - I don't know and will never know until I get to heaven. Please, breathe and know that this is not the end... it is just the beginning. Blessings to you!

 

ETA - Many times over these last two months, I have sat quietly and thought about being pregnant at 16. I have wished that I could go back and hold my baby boy. I can't and I know that. Please love your daughter and her child. Do not worry about what people will say - if they will say anything at all. I can't remember a single person saying anything awful to me. It really will all be okay.

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I just wish I could give you the biggest hug in person, today.

 

OP, the first thought that came to my head is that while this is very difficult for your family right now, I do believe you're all going to be happy and you'll forget your current fears when you're holding that baby in your arms.

 

Your dd needs your support and love. She is likely very scared. I understand that there will be gossipers and judgmental people. They are all over the place. They are the one in sin - NOT you. Screw them.

[jujsky]

Like others have said, your life is not over, and neither is your daughter's. A girl who was a year behind me in high school became pregnant at the same age. She is now a lawyer, and feels blessed to have her now 16 year-old daughter because she had complications a couple years ago that resulted in the need for a hysterectomy. Just because this wasn't your plan for your daughter doesn't mean that it wasn't the plan of a higher power.

[twilkin]

Kari I'm so sorry for your loss. I will remember to be thankful for every minute I'm blessed to spend with dd and dgc. My heart goes out to you.:grouphug::grouphug:

[Guest Helga_immigrant_mom]

:grouphug: I love You and offer support Auntie HelgA

[BridgeTea]

I'm sorry you feel your family will be judged. That must be awful to think about.

 

Hug your daughter, and each other. She's going to need you, Mom and Dad. All of you keep your heads held high. People in your life will take their cues from your family.

 

Everything's going to be okay. Really. Focus on the love you have for your daughter, the other children in the family, and for that little grandchild.

 

My first child was born 4 months after my wedding. I have 2 grandchildren, and there have been no weddings yet. We're all good people, and God loves us. We live in an imperfect world and we are human.

 

I was in a grocery store this morning, and saw a very pregnant, very young girl following her mother. She caught my attention because she was trying her best to nonchalantly keep her belly covered with her little arms. She looked a bit sad and very distracted. I was hoping to catch the girl's eye so I could throw a little smile of support her way, but she didn't see me. At least I could pray for her. My point is, I think this girl knows instinctively that she's got some huge, scary, unknown future ahead of her. The last thing she (or any future mama) needs is judgment. (BTW, the future grandma seemed to be just gently guiding her daughter through the store, and seemed to be wonderful support for her girl. It was a tender scene to witness.)

[sassenach]

I'm going to give you a little tough love, but I want you to know that it IS out of love.

 

My beautiful baby girl, 15 almost 16, is pregnant. I've known for about a week now, set up all the necessary appointments, talked with our pastors, but I was just going through old photo albums and it just hit me like a rock. Nothing will ever be the same again. The beautiful imaginary life I had visioned for my baby girl is no more and now she and her whole family have a long road.

 

I was your daughter. I was 16 when I became pregnant with my oldest.

 

She met a boy, fell in love, and asked if they could court. I gave permission for the courtship with the condition that they always have a chaperone with them. Well, one night she made the horrible choice to sneak out her window to meet up with him and the rest is history.

 

A baby is her hearts desire. She loves kids and is as prepared as any child her age could be but she knows her life is drastically changed. She says she knows what she did is wrong and is sorry. She told the boy who immediately stopped all contact with her and seems to have moved on to a new girl. This is her biggest blow right now. She thought they were in love and would be together forever.

 

Now she will have to deal with the judgement of everyone she comes into contact with, the whole family will be judged. We've worked so hard to raise our children in the Lord only to have this happen. Where did we go wrong? We have always been a church family. Every Sunday, Wednesdays, serving the church and people every opportunity. We talked with her about waiting.

 

OK, here is where you are going in the wrong direction. If people judge, shame on them. Your concern right now should NOT be what others will think of you. That is the wrong focus.

 

My husband is having a hard time because it seems everything he has worked so hard to represent has just been flushed down the drain. How can we minister to anyone about Jesus when our very own children fall away so easily?

 

Your dd committed a sin that plagues the human race. If David can be a man after God's own heart, certainly your family will continue to be a family that seeks after and shares Jesus with others. Ministering to others has exactly ZERO to do with living a sinless life. Yes, your dd sinned. It's no bigger a sin than any other. NOTHING has been flushed down the drain. In fact, how your family and church handles this will be very revealing of the sin nature of those AROUND your dd.

 

I have told her she will finish school and go to college as originally planned. She will stay with us and we will all raise the baby. The pastors are behind her because she is repentant but even they will suffer backlash for supporting her. Even the younger siblings will suffer pain from the comments made by people.

 

It sounds like your pastors are solid, but you may live in a community that fosters judgement and legalism. I'm not sure that I would waste my energy being concerned about that further than praying for those people to see their own sin.

 

If only we could hit the rewind button.....

 

If I could have hit the rewind button in those first few months after I found out I was pregnant, I would have. And what an incredible mistake that would have been. You know how when you were a teen there were things that seemed like the end of the world, and now you look back and laugh? That is what that will be like. Don't get me wrong, it IS life changing, but it will be better than OK. This baby will melt your heart. You will look back on this initial shock period and realize that it is not the end of your world, or your dd's.

 

I have a 13yo that loves Jesus. We went onto get married way too young, have 3 more kids way too young, dh went into ministry, we moved across the country and back again, and LIFE IS GOOD. Even more-so, GOD IS GOOD.

 

We had a great church community that didn't judge, only loved. My parents were fully supportive after the initial shock. I distinctly remember my mom telling me that I was only going to have my first baby once, and she wasn't going to make it a miserable experience for me. All that love made all the difference in the world. It's cliche, but ask yourself "What would Jesus do?" Would he make this about himself, what he could have done different, what shame and judgement it has brought upon him? Or would he say, "Come to me child. Yes you drifted away from me, but I love you, come on back."

 

Now, go print off Kari's response and tuck it somewhere close. This is the beginning....

[tofuscramble]

Congratulations!! I know it might not be at the time you expected, but a new baby is a wonderful thing!! :)

[katemary63]

You will all get through this and in the end, realize that you grew and learned more then at any other time in your life. God works everything together for the good of those who love him. Even our mistakes. Those who talk will make their own beds. Many will support you. I'm so very grateful to you for supporting your daughter and agreeing to help her raise her child. God will bless you for that. Many, many parents don't do as much. You will continue to be a family (bigger now) and you will continue to love and worship God the best that you can. Not so much has changed. After the baby is born, you will wonder what you ever would have done without him/ her. I'm sorry you are going through this. It has always been one of my worst nightmares. But I've actually had a worse nightmare come true. My son has never gotten a girl pregnant. He has never done drugs or been arrested. But he has turned away from God completely and no longer calls himself a Christian but an Agnostic. How I wish he had only gotten his girlfriend pregnant, but then repented and continued on his Christian walk. Now, instead of praying for him to take responsibility for his actions, I'm praying for his eternal soul. God Bless you and your precious daughter and that beautiful, rolly polly, wonderful smelling, cuddly, lovey, darling little baby!

[mammaruss]

Thank you ladies for your kind comments and wisdom. Everyone was sleeping so I guess I decided to have a woulda-coulda-shoulda pity party. Thank you for slapping me out of it gently.

 

Our pastors and friends couldn't be better support for my daughter or my family. My dd definately plans on keeping the baby and will be a wonderful mother. And I know God will turn it all around for good. Already my daughter and I are closer because of this and spending a LOT more time in prayer.

 

As far as the boy is concerned I don't want to ruin his life. If he chooses not to be part of this it will be his loss. His own mother is very much wanting to be a part of it and is horrified at her son's response. (Also raised in church) We are reaching out to her as much as possible so she does not blame herself. It takes two after all.

 

Thank you again for all your kind words. DD is up and needing a bucket now so I better go. The joys of pregnancy and natural consequences.

 

:grouphug: :grouphug::grouphug:

[Mommee & Baba]

I'm going to give you a little tough love, but I want you to know that it IS out of love.

 

 

 

If I could have hit the rewind button in those first few months after I found out I was pregnant, I would have. And what an incredible mistake that would have been. You know how when you were a teen there were things that seemed like the end of the world, and now you look back and laugh? That is what that will be like. Don't get me wrong, it IS life changing, but it will be better than OK. This baby will melt your heart. You will look back on this initial shock period and realize that it is not the end of your world, or your dd's.

 

I have a 13yo that loves Jesus. We went onto get married way too young, have 3 more kids way too young, dh went into ministry, we moved across the country and back again, and LIFE IS GOOD. Even more-so, GOD IS GOOD.

 

We had a great church community that didn't judge, only loved. My parents were fully supportive after the initial shock. I distinctly remember my mom telling me that I was only going to have my first baby once, and she wasn't going to make it a miserable experience for me. All that love made all the difference in the world. It's cliche, but ask yourself "What would Jesus do?" Would he make this about himself, what he could have done different, what shame and judgement it has brought upon him? Or would he say, "Come to me child. Yes you drifted away from me, but I love you, come on back."

 

Now, go print off Kari's response and tuck it somewhere close. This is the beginning....

 

I couldn't have said this better!

[southcarolinamom]

Honey, I say this gently, but your world did not just end. It is only beginning. 22 years ago - I was a pregnant 16 year old. I gave birth to the most wonderful gift. His name was Timmy and he lit up our lives for 21 amazing years. He was killed in a car accident in May. This morning, the Army brought all of his belongings. I opened the box with his blanket and pillows. I buried my head in his pillow to smell him and sobbed. My heart is broken and I feel like my life has ended, but it hasn't. I have to keep going on. I was that 16 year old who went to high school pregnant. I was the girl that was supposed to have a scholarship to any school of her choosing. I chose to get pregnant - not by accident because I loved my boyfriend who has now been my husband for 20 years.

 

My dad got very sick one month after Timmy was born. He spent the next 9 years battling devastating illness. My mom always said that Timmy was sent to light her way. She would look at my dad falling apart in front of her and then look at Timmy smiling at her. He was the best thing and not a bad thing at all. I know this is tough for you, but remember that God has a plan. As hard as that has been for me to believe these last 2 months, I keep telling myself. I keep asking why God gave me Timmy when I was 16 and then took him away - I don't know and will never know until I get to heaven. Please, breathe and know that this is not the end... it is just the beginning. Blessings to you!

 

ETA - Many times over these last two months, I have sat quietly and thought about being pregnant at 16. I have wished that I could go back and hold my baby boy. I can't and I know that. Please love your daughter and her child. Do not worry about what people will say - if they will say anything at all. I can't remember a single person saying anything awful to me. It really will all be okay.

 

Kari, there are no words... only tears... I'm so sorry. So very, very sorry....:grouphug:

[kiana]

As far as the boy is concerned I don't want to ruin his life. If he chooses not to be part of this it will be his loss. His own mother is very much wanting to be a part of it and is horrified at her son's response. (Also raised in church) We are reaching out to her as much as possible so she does not blame herself. It takes two after all.

 

 

Quick comment on this part alone: You don't have to ruin his life, but he shouldn't be off scot-free. You're correct -- it takes two -- and he was the other one. If he gets away with dumping the girl when she's pregnant, he'll just do it to the next one, and the next ... (jmo)