Jump to content

Menu
Giving You and Your Child a Road Map to the Best Possible Education
The Well-Trained Mind Community

Would you allow this?

katemary63
 Share

Recommended Posts

katemary63

katemary63

Posted
Posted

My DD is 18 1/2, very responsible, Christian. We have family friends whom we have known for 6 years and with whom we are very close. They must go out of town and leave thier 15 year old son home alone for 2 days. He will then fly out to meet them. They want my DD, who is like an older sister to him, to house sit/ "babysit". So this boy (who is very manly now) and my DD would be in the house alone overnight. Would you guys allow that? Even if you completely trusted the kids? I'll not say what I think until I hear from you all!

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Perry

Perry

Posted
Posted
My DD is 18 1/2, very responsible, Christian. We have family friends whom we have known for 6 years and with whom we are very close. They must go out of town and leave thier 15 year old son home alone for 2 days. He will then fly out to meet them. They want my DD, who is like an older sister to him, to house sit/ "babysit". So this boy (who is very manly now) and my DD would be in the house alone overnight. Would you guys allow that? Even if you completely trusted the kids? I'll not say what I think until I hear from you all!

No.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Peri

Peri

Posted
Posted

I would not. It is not that I don't trust my child or the other child. It is just that putting my child and my friend's child in a situation where they could be tempted. Since your religious and I am religious I will get on that religious level. Basically, the devil looks for opportunities like this to whisper temptation into the hearts of mankind. Why give him that opportunity. It goes to the saying of an ounce of prevention is better than a pound of cure. We are soooo understanding to this saying when it pertains to our health but it goes even further than that. It also applies to our soul.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
lionfamily1999

lionfamily1999

Posted
Posted
I would not. It is not that I don't trust my child or the other child. It is just that putting my child and my friend's child in a situation where they could be tempted. Since your religious and I am religious I will get on that religious level. Basically, the devil looks for opportunities like this to whisper temptation into the hearts of mankind. Why give him that opportunity. It goes to the saying of an ounce of prevention is better than a pound of cure. We are soooo understanding to this saying when it pertains to our health but it goes even further than that. It also applies to our soul.

Exactly! All I could think of was, "it's just not fair to either of them." Thank you for saying it so well.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
mommytobees

mommytobees

Posted
Posted

Would I "allow" this?

 

Well, your daughter is 18 years old. She is an adult. Is she asking your advice if this is a good idea? I would give her _MY_ input on this arrangement and then go with HER gut. I would tell her basically that I didn't think it was a good idea and why.

 

How about offering that he come and stay at your house. If they are a close family friends, then he should "move in" smoothly.

 

Kris

Link to comment
Share on other sites
lionfamily1999

lionfamily1999

Posted
Posted
Would I "allow" this?

 

Well, your daughter is 18 years old. She is an adult. Is she asking your advice if this is a good idea? I would give her _MY_ input on this arrangement and then go with HER gut. I would tell her basically that I didn't think it was a good idea and why.

 

How about offering that he come and stay at your house. If they are a close family friends, then he should "move in" smoothly.

 

Kris

Good point.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
LauraGB

LauraGB

Posted
Posted
No, but not for the reasons that everyone else has given.

 

I wouldn't because the young man is under the age of 17 and your DD is over the age of 18. I would want to protect my DD from any - I don't care how remote!!! - chance of a statutory rape charge.

 

Unfortunately, this is exactly why I would have to say no, too. An untrue accusation (or even a brag) of this caliber can destroy an entire life.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
TechWife

TechWife

Posted
Posted
My DD is 18 1/2, very responsible, Christian...They must go out of town and leave thier 15 year old son home alone for 2 days...They want my DD, who is like an older sister to him, to house sit/ "babysit". So this boy (who is very manly now) and my DD would be in the house alone overnight. Would you guys allow that? Even if you completely trusted the kids? I'll not say what I think until I hear from you all!

 

Nope. Not a chance. Not a good age spread at all. Do you have a son around his age that would enjoy hanging out w/him for a few days? If so, consider inviting him to your home for the few days. Do not make your 18 1/2 year old responsible for him, though, or even require her to spend any time with him. If you don't have any sons w/in a year of him, this may not be the year for this to happen.

 

Just out of curiosity, why isn't he flying out w/his family? Work or school commitments?

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Sahamamama

Sahamamama

Posted
Posted

Given the situation you describe, yes, I would.

 

It's possible that your friends don't know who else to ask. Would it be possible for your friends' son to stay with your FAMILY, and then fly out? Your daughter could house sit the entire time with no problem.

 

I suppose the only, um, reservation in her staying with him would be in avoiding the appearance (and reality) of evil? Are they attracted to each other? You just never know what might light a spark.

 

Hmmm.... the more I think about this (and remember my hormones at that age), the more I'm inclined to say, "Yes, house. No, young man!"

 

The house, after all, has no hormones. ;)

Link to comment
Share on other sites
SproutMamaK

SproutMamaK

Posted
Posted (edited)

If for some reason he couldn't come to your house (which would be ideal) - yes, I would. She's 18 and from everything you've posted, she seems mature and responsible. Frankly, when I was 18 I would have been (IMHO, justifiable) insulted if someone had insinuated that I couldn't control myself around a 15 year old boy. Not only becasue of the age gap, but because if I'd worked that hard to become a mature, responsible individual it would sting like crazy to have my parents think I would use this as an excuse to do the most immature, reckless, and stupid thing imaginable. Unless, of course, you have concerns about this boy and the possibility of him forcing your DD - but if he's otherwise proven himself to be a good kid, that also seems a little much to be concerned about

 

That being said, though, it makes SO much more sense for him to come to your home. I can't imagine why that wouldn't be a possibility, but if it's not - yes, I would let her. She's 18, and this is a great way for her to gain confidence, feel a small bit of responsibility and independence, not to mention prove herself.

Edited by SproutMamaK
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Lightly Salted

Lightly Salted

Posted
Posted
No, but not for the reasons that everyone else has given.

 

I wouldn't because the young man is under the age of 17 and your DD is over the age of 18. I would want to protect my DD from any - I don't care how remote!!! - chance of a statutory rape charge.

 

Agreeing - BIG NO for me. Very ugly situation in our church last year with an older girl/younger boy of exactly the same ages ... not pretty, you don't want to go there ...

Link to comment
Share on other sites
NanceXToo

NanceXToo

Posted
Posted

While I agree that generally speaking it seems it would be easier/make more sense for the kid to stay at your house, I also definitely agree with the couple of posters who said that your daughter is technically of an age to make this decision for herself, and therefore, I'd let her make it. And like someone else said if she's 18 years old and as responsible as you say, it could be quite insulting to her for you to attempt to "forbid" this and quite hurtful, too, that the boy's parents trust her more than her own parents do.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Scarlett

Scarlett

Posted
Posted
My DD is 18 1/2, very responsible, Christian. We have family friends whom we have known for 6 years and with whom we are very close. They must go out of town and leave thier 15 year old son home alone for 2 days. He will then fly out to meet them. They want my DD, who is like an older sister to him, to house sit/ "babysit". So this boy (who is very manly now) and my DD would be in the house alone overnight. Would you guys allow that? Even if you completely trusted the kids? I'll not say what I think until I hear from you all!

 

Absolutely not. I haven't read any of the replies, but my answer is no way!

 

I cannot believe the parents would even consider it. Makes me wonder if they are matchmaking!!!! That boy would be MUCH better off alone than with an 18 year old girl in the house with him.

 

Signed,

Opinionated Scarlett who is now going to read the rest of the thread

Link to comment
Share on other sites
kalanamak

kalanamak

Posted
Posted

Well, since I left home at 16, and fended for myself quite well, I would be hypocritical to tell a trusted pair of kids no. I hope I have the courage to extend to my child the trust my parents gave me.

 

If I did not trust my child, no, but at some point, you have to trust your child will rise to the occasion. I'd ask my daughter if she was comfortable with it, accept the rolled eyes and the "oh, mother", and trust my trustworthy daughter.

 

18 is of age. People go to war, people vote. I will be (quietly) disappointed in my parenting if I don't trust a person of this age to have decent judgment.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Mrs Mungo

Mrs Mungo

Posted
Posted
While I agree that generally speaking it seems it would be easier/make more sense for the kid to stay at your house, I also definitely agree with the couple of posters who said that your daughter is technically of an age to make this decision for herself, and therefore, I'd let her make it. And like someone else said if she's 18 years old and as responsible as you say, it could be quite insulting to her for you to attempt to "forbid" this and quite hurtful, too, that the boy's parents trust her more than her own parents do.

 

I don't think this is a trust issue. At least, for me, it's not.

 

In the military (especially among leaders) there are regulations against *appearances* of wrong-doing. You can get in trouble for even getting yourself in a situation where you could be accused of wrong-doing.

 

Life experience tells me that a 18 year old girl staying alone in a house for a weekend with a 15 year old boy, could have some bad outcomes. Therefore, I would counsel her to avoid that sort of situation.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Scarlett

Scarlett

Posted
Posted
Well, since I left home at 16, and fended for myself quite well, I would be hypocritical to tell a trusted pair of kids no. I hope I have the courage to extend to my child the trust my parents gave me.

 

If I did not trust my child, no, but at some point, you have to trust your child will rise to the occasion. I'd ask my daughter if she was comfortable with it, accept the rolled eyes and the "oh, mother", and trust my trustworthy daughter.

 

18 is of age. People go to war, people vote. I will be (quietly) disappointed in my parenting if I don't trust a person of this age to have decent judgment.

 

I don't see it as a trust issue at all....rather good sense. *I* am almost 45 and *I* wouldn't spend 2 days in a house with a man my age....:tongue_smilie:

Link to comment
Share on other sites
lisamarie

lisamarie

Posted
Posted
I don't see it as a trust issue at all....rather good sense. *I* am almost 45 and *I* wouldn't spend 2 days in a house with a man my age....:tongue_smilie:

 

:iagree: I sure wouldn't either.

 

And heck no to the original question. I don't care if he's 3 years younger. Being home alone with a guy with the opportunity there for unchaperoned mischief is just asking for trouble no matter how righteous the kids are. Especially if the 15 year old has gotten over the awkward geeky boy phase and is more manly. All the more reason to be concerned with teenage boy hormones on the loose.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
katemary63

katemary63

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)

Thanks everybody. I agree with those who just don't think it's a good idea. But I needed some ammunition for my DD who can't, for the life of her, understand why. So, you all helped me a bunch because I let her read this whole thread and she now understands that it is a very valid position to say no to this idea. I will offer to let the young man stay the night at my house while DD stays at theirs. And FYI: Our DD is 18 but is a wonderful, respectful Christian girl who would never go against her parents wishes in this circumstance, even if she disagrees. She knows we have only her best interests in mind AND that we have more life experience then her and more Biblical wisdom then her. So, even though she says she doesn't really get it, she is going to respect our wishes. Thanks again!

Edited by katemary63
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...