How do your children address an adult?

[Crimson Wife]

The way I was raised had 3 levels of formality. Most adults were Mr./Mrs./Miss Surname. My friends' parents and my parents' friends were usually Mr./Mrs./Miss Initial (e.g. Mr. B., Mrs. H., etc). The very closest ones were honorary Uncle/Aunt Firstname.

 

Out here in CA everyone goes by first names only and it absolutely drives me up the wall. I grit my teeth when a child calls me by my first name only because I've discovered that insisting on a title is nearly always useless. Because I'm going against the norm, hardly anybody ever remembers to do it even after I've requested it numerous times.

 

I do insist on my own kids using a title before adults' first names. It's a matter of respect. I would actually prefer using last names or initials like how I was raised but folks out here seem to hate that as overly formal. So I do Mr./Miss Firstname as a compromise.

[Mommy22alyns]

I do insist on my own kids using a title before adults' first names. It's a matter of respect.

 

 

:iagree:

 

Here in TN, it's Mr./Mrs/Ms. FirstName. ;)

[Jen500]

We start with Mr./Mrs./Miss Lastname. If someone wants to be called Miss Firstname or Aunty Firstname or whatever, they let us know, and that's just fine with me.

We never use Sir/ Ma'am, because in all the places I lived as a child, this would have been considered disrespectful. (See Bill's post :)) Especially if the person using 'Sir' or "Ma'am' does know the person's name.

[hornblower]

My POV, I see telling children that they must refer to their 'elders' as Mr./Mrs./Ms./Ma'am/Sir as a way of telling children they are inferior to adults. And, IMO, children are in no way inferior. They are people, just the same as other people. They deserve the same amount of respect as older people. They may not have the life experience yet, obviously, but they are still very much human and unless a human gives other humans a good reason to disrespect them, we all are due the same respect regardless of age. But, I'm probably about the only one who feels this way.

 

No - you're not. :D

 

And why does nobody call the children Miss First Name or Master First Name?

[cillakat]

I pefer first names but will defer, of course, to the person being addressed. I very much prefer Katherine. I *hate* it when people call me Mrs. Morrison and think it's rude for some to insist that their children call me that when I can't stand it.

 

My kids use Mr. or Ms. or Mrs. or "FirstName" depending on the preferences of the person to whom they are speaking.

 

K

[MSNative]

From the get-go I have taught my children to use titles of respect for adults. For us the rule is, we use the most formal name unless the adult being addressed gives permission to personalize and even then, the least formal we go to, as a rule is Miss or Mr. First. This is our rule for people in general.

 

Oh, and anyone with an official title or position like a Pastor, or Police officer is Pastor (whichever he prefers, first or last) Officer last name, etc. Again, for us it's all about respect, and that means if an adult insists on being called by their first name, we try to negotiate to at least leaving the Miss or Mr on, but even that can be dropped if it makes the person uncomfortable.

 

Lastly, when I was growing up, married people where ALWAYS either Mr or Mrs. last name. Unmarried adult ladies went by Miss last or first, but that seemed more flexible. If I had called my mom by her first name she would have knocked me across the room! ;)

:iagree:

 

I don't mind when an adult asks to be called something less formal than Mr. or Mrs. LastName, but I have never run into anyone who has asked my kids to call them by just their first names. Doesn't happen around here (South). Where I used to live, I did occasionally run into parents introducing me to their kids using just my first name - probably b/c my last name is a bear. I always told them they may call me Miss Jackie or Empress -their choice. The kids laugh and it keeps the tone light. Can't imagine having my kids call any adult by just their first name. Happy to have read this thread, though, so I won't offend someone if they do request that. Will have to think about what my response will be, though.

[Old Dominion Heather]

I guess I don't understand why we (generic we) couldn't be friends if my children call you Mrs lastname. I wouldn't be calling you that, I'd be calling you whatever you wanted me to. My children wouldn't be your (generic you)friends, by my choice, unless we became really close friends & it would be my choice as well as yours.

 

Well, I guess I feel that if we really were friends and not acquaintances, you would feel comfortable with your kids calling me what all the other kids call me. I think if in a group I had lots of friends over, and all the kids call me Heather, except for one set who call me Mrs. Lastname, it would just feel like those people were holding back, you know?

 

And I am always worried that the lastname folks are going to think I am corrupting their kids by not making all the kids call me Mrs. Lastname. It would feel artificial. Like I was closer to all the other families than the Lastname folks.

 

For example, we have two other young families on the street. One is casual and has no problem with firstname basis. The other family wants to go more formal. I don't insist on being called Heather for her kid, but it bothers me when she is constantly correcting her child for calling me Heather when all the other kids on the street call me that. It makes me not want to be around them because I feel like my presence is causing the kid to get into trouble for being disrespectful when she is just calling me and dh what every other kid on the street calls us. I respect her decision to have her kid call us that, but it still makes me less relaxed around them.

[Barb_]

It used to just make my skin crawl to hear my dh's young cousins (5/6 year olds) call his dad just plain Steve, and not Uncle Steve.

 

Heh-heh...on that note, my aunt still signs cards and other greetings to me as "Aunt Jane and Uncle Jim" even though she and "Uncle Jim" didn't meet and marry until I was 20 years old. Maybe if I liked the guy I would have used it in an affectionate or even ironic way, but he's pretty insufferable. I'm 41 and I continue to call him just plain Jim whenever I see him...proving myself a rank hypocrite on this thread I suppose :D

 

Barb

[Imprimis]

I pefer first names but will defer, of course, to the person being addressed. I very much prefer Katherine. I *hate* it when people call me Mrs. Morrison and think it's rude for some to insist that their children call me that when I can't stand it.

 

 

K

 

Yes, I find that a bit on the rude side, too.

 

I do find it interesting that those who claim they (as parents) should choose what their children call me, also feel they should choose what my children call them. :confused:

 

Me? I do prefer my first name, but, if someone insists on having their children call me Miss Tina or Mrs.______, fine with me. It just isn't a huge thing on my radar.

 

And, as I mentioned before, I have my children defer to the person being addressed.

[MariannNOVA]

Our childen call adults to whom they are introduced 'Mrs. First Name' or 'Mr. First Name' or 'Miss First Name' AFTER dh or I ask the adult if that is okay.

 

Sometimes the adult will say, 'Oh, that's okay, they can just call me Joe' (or whatever) and DH or I will ask if it's okay with the adult if 'Mr.' precedes it.

 

I am 55 years old and still see frequently former neighbors of my parents from when I was 10 years old. I STILL call them 'Mr and Mrs. Zuckerman.' I CANNOT CALL them by their first names - it is so silly, but I cannot. DH calls them by their first names, the kids call them Mr. First Name and Mrs. First Name but there I SIT - calling them Mr. and Mrs. Zuckerman.

 

I will say that when we were living at the hotel, folks commented constantly on how respectfully I children communicated with everyone.

 

Those little things do not go unnoticed.

[Ester Maria]

Mrs./Miss/Mr. Lastname, sometimes by the some titles (esp. in Italy where it's very customary to address somebody as dottor lastname rather than signor lastname), and rarely more informally if the adult insists.

[KidsHappen]

Most places I have lived, we have used the Mrs./Mr. first name convention for everyone except teachers which are still Mrs./Mr. last name. I may have lived in places that did not follow this convention but if so it was sometime between when I reached adulthood but before I had children.

[8circles]

Sure, that's your prerogative. I'm not arguing otherwise. However I am saying that you may unwittingly offend or make others uncomfortable. If that's okay, then what can I say?

 

Barb

 

The point that you seem to be missing here is that the offense goes both ways. It can also be offensive to insist on a closer relationship with a child against the parents wishes.

 

I understand that some people prefer to be addressed by their first names. Sometimes I instruct my children to oblige, sometimes not.

 

Is there no understanding of the other point of view? Does it mean that if I don't instruct my children to always call others something more casual even if the relationship is uncomfortable to me, their parent - does it mean that I think nothing of the other person's feelings or that I'm totally insensitive to their discomfort? I would think no. It just means that in that instance I think my feelings about a relationship between my child and that adult is more important.

 

Honestly, I'm reading some of these responses as "if you don't tell your kids to call me Susie instead of Mrs Jones then we can't be friends, ever." All of my closest friends in the world are firstname-only-adult-callers & it's never been an issue for us. I'm thankful that they allowed me the time to be comfortable with my children calling them by their first names instead of making it a requirement for their friendship.

[8circles]

I do find it interesting that those who claim they (as parents) should choose what their children call me, also feel they should choose what my children call them. :confused:

 

I've never ever ever corrected someone else's child who calls me firstname or Miss firstname. It's not my place.

[NanceXToo]

In my homeschool group, the kids all call each parent either by their first names or by "Miss First Name." I've never heard any group parent complain about it, it's pretty common place for us.

 

If an adult introduced themselves to my child as "Mrs Last Name," then I'd ask my children to call them that as it is obviously a sign of respect for "Mrs Last Name" but if the adults we know are fine with a more casual form of address (which they all seem to be, in my family, in my neighborhood, and in my homeschool group), then I'm fine with that, too.

 

My kid's friends all call me by my first name. I don't mind it at all. I'm a pretty casual person in general. It feels weird to me if someone in a store calls me "Ma'am" lol.

 

While we're on the topic, here's something kind of funny, what do you guys think of this one?

 

I am going to be 37 years old next month. I have an ex husband who I started dating when I was 16, married when I was 21, split up from when I was 23, and had one child with. Said child is now 18 years old.

 

I've since remarried and had two other children (ages 9 and 4). My ex father-in-law still to this day, every single time, without fail, when he calls to talk to my oldest daughter...when he gets me on the phone, or when he leaves me a voice mail, he always says: "Hi Nancy, it's Mr. C. Just tell Melissa I called."

 

I always want to roll my eyes and say "for crying out loud, aren't we past this yet? Can't you just say "Hi Nancy, it's Mike?" I have known you for over 20 years. You used to be my father-in-law. I was married to your son. I am the mother of your first grandchild. I'm almost 40 years old. I am no longer the teenager first dating your son. Seriously, what is with the "Mr. C" crap?!?!"

 

Or, alternatively, I'm tempted to leave him a voice mail saying "Hi Mike, it's Mrs. G. We're just calling so Melissa can say hi." LOL.

 

But, of course, I don't. :D (If his wife were to call, by the way, she'd do the same thing and say "It's Mrs. C." but that really doesn't come up since he's always the one to call)

[Melinda in VT]

The point that you seem to be missing here is that the offense goes both ways. It can also be offensive to insist on a closer relationship with a child against the parents wishes.

 

I agree that it is offensive to a parent to try to form a close relationship with a child against the parent's wishes.

 

I've been thinking about this and I disagree that asking a child to call you by your first name is indicating a desire to have a closer relationship, if your first name is your preferred form of address and what you use with everyone.

 

If you normally use Ms. Lastname, then I think it means something when you tell a child to call you Firstname. But if it's what you use with everyone? No.

[8circles]

I've been thinking about this and I disagree that asking a child to call you by your first name is indicating a desire to have a closer relationship, if your first name is your preferred form of address and what you use with everyone.

 

Could be. This is how it's been explained to me by many people who prefer only first names. It is their intention to remove any barriers to being friends/peers with the child. They see it as a benefit.

 

I don't believe it is always the case, but it seems to be the prevalent thought in my neck of the woods.

[BeckyFL]

my children address adults as My Dearest Sir so and so or My Dearest Madam/Miss so and so.

 

Lol! Just felt like saying that - sorry!

[QueenCat]

I very much prefer Katherine. I *hate* it when people call me Mrs. Morrison and think it's rude for some to insist that their children call me that when I can't stand it.

 

 

:iagree: It is very rude for children to call you something that you can't stand to be called once they have been told not to call you that form of your name.

[FlockOfSillies]

It is their intention to remove any barriers to being friends/peers with the child. They see it as a benefit.

 

And given how many parents want to be their kids' friends instead of their elders, it shows how skewed many people have become in their thinking, that having any barrier at all between adult and child is somehow bad. Adults don't want to be respected anymore; that means they're old. They want to be cool, young, and hip forever.

 

The whole point of titles of respect is to show... respect. I think kids ought to show respect to adults, if for no other reason than to acknowledge the fact that the adults have been on this earth a whole lot longer than the kids have, and they have wisdom and experience that kids just don't possess. It doesn't make kids "inferior" in the sense of being "less valuable." But it does go against the modern-sitcom notion of kids knowing everything and parents/adults being clueless.

 

HSAT, if my hairdresser prefers to have the kids call her "Ms. XYZ", then that's what we do, because we are honoring her by deferring to her preference. But I do wish I could get it through the head of the sweet 9yo girl down the street that she has no business calling me by my first name alone.

[IsabelC]

Here it's normal to call everyone by their first name, mostly. Obviously if somebody has indicated a preference for being addressed as Mrs, Ms, Mr, Doctor, or whatever, we would try to use that. But nobody addresses me as Mrs (except the odd telemarketer) and I wouldn't see it as a sign of respect. Re the 9yo down the street, have you actually asked her to address you formally?

[Mrs Mungo]

And given how many parents want to be their kids' friends instead of their elders, it shows how skewed many people have become in their thinking, that having any barrier at all between adult and child is somehow bad. Adults don't want to be respected anymore; that means they're old. They want to be cool, young, and hip forever.

 

The whole point of titles of respect is to show... respect. I think kids ought to show respect to adults, if for no other reason than to acknowledge the fact that the adults have been on this earth a whole lot longer than the kids have, and they have wisdom and experience that kids just don't possess. It doesn't make kids "inferior" in the sense of being "less valuable." But it does go against the modern-sitcom notion of kids knowing everything and parents/adults being clueless.

 

HSAT, if my hairdresser prefers to have the kids call her "Ms. XYZ", then that's what we do, because we are honoring her by deferring to her preference. But I do wish I could get it through the head of the sweet 9yo girl down the street that she has no business calling me by my first name alone.

 

I have a legitimate POV as to why my kids and most of the kids of our acquaintance call adults Miss/Mr Firstname. If adults introduce themselves as Mr/Mrs Lastname, then that's what we call them. But, it's not what is generally done in our community. There are real reasons for this. The reasons are highly regional and/or situational but they are real. When you dismiss those reasons as nothing more than wanting to be "cool," or a friend rather than a parent, it stops the discourse.

[jld]

I don't think I've ever been called cool or hip before, lol.

 

I like first names because it's how I grew up. It feels relaxed, and friendly, and just down to earth to me. If people really feel strongly that they need to be called by a title, I guess that's fine, but they're probably not people my family would be drawn to, as another poster mentioned. That's fine, too.

 

I really hope my kids and I respect all people, regardless of age or experience. While I am older than my daughter, I honestly feel utmost respect for her. I often feel like she has the wisdom I should have. She just knows so much, and notices so much that I don't.

 

I remember a friend from Denmark saying that nobody uses titles there anymore. She visited us in France once, and was surprised at how everyone was throwing Monsieur and Madame around there. I mean, it's true, you use those titles all the time there. It's an elitist society and the titles are part of that, imho.

[FlockOfSillies]

While I am older than my daughter, I honestly feel utmost respect for her. I often feel like she has the wisdom I should have. She just knows so much, and notices so much that I don't.

 

This is exactly what I'm talking about.

[RoughCollie]

My kids address adults as Mr, Miss/Ms., or Mrs. If the adult says to call him/her by his/her first name, then I leave it up to the kids. Frequently, my kids will continue to address the adult by title.

 

My kids' friends call me Mrs "RC". That's what I prefer because it clearly delineates the boundary between adult and child. If an adult tells her child to call me by my first name, I say that I am "Mrs. RC" to children. I address the child, too: "You may call me Mrs. RC". So far, no problems. The only exceptions are the children of close friends.

 

Close friends are a different story -- I do not mind if my kids address them by their first names, as long as the adult suggests it. Sometimes the adult's first name is prefaced by "Aunt" or "Miss", but not so much now that my kids are older.

 

My kids are from Boston. I never heard anyone use "Sir" or "Ma'am" during the 20 years I lived there. We did not teach our kids that because it was not part of their culture. Similarly, we started pronouncing the word "aunt" like "ahnt" instead of like "ant". If our children had learned to say "ant", that would have stuck out like a sore thumb, a mispronunciation.

 

RC

Edited April 11, 2010 by RoughCollie

[momofkhm]

My kids do use the Miss/Mrs first name with many adults. I can only think of a few who are Mrs last name.

 

Recently I introduce Doodle to another homeschool mom who we were meeting at the park for the first time. I had previously exchanged emailed with this woman and knew her full name. I introduced her as Mrs Last Name. She immediately looked at Doodle and told him her first name and continued to tell him it was Ok for him to call her that. I did not appreciate that .

 

This has happened to me as well. When it does happen, I insist with the adult that my child call them {what I said} to show respect. I have yet to run into an adult who contradicts me. Most are pleased that we want to do this.

[Peela]

Mostly first names. Depends on the relationship we have with the person and the age of the person too.

I'd say for the most part here in Australia, it would be fairly uncommon for kids to use Mr and Mrs (or Sir and Maam)

 

Yup. I dont have a problem with informality in that regard and mostly in Australia, kids address adults by their first names except at school.

I have found in homeschooling circles that are mainly concervative Christian, some mums teach their kids to call me Mrs Last Name- but it is a little annoying because I dont have the same surname as my kids anyway, so I dont think of myself that way anyway.

[meet me in paris]

I start with the Mrs or Mr. Last Name, but if the adult says call me First Name or Ms June or whatever, then we go by that. Politeness is making the other person feel comfortable. So if someone doesn't want to be called Mrs. Smith, then it is more polite to call them by the name they feel comfortable with.

 

I'm with you. We're military, so we move a lot. Every place we live has a different "norm" so we just go with the flow. Here, most everyone prefers first-name only, and I'm fine with that. There are certain people in our life that prefer to be called Mr/Mrs So and So, and we respect that, too. That's the default when we go somewhere new, but I've learned to just ask "how would you like the kids to address you?" It's easier that way. :D

[Time4tea]

I believe a child should address an adult as Mr/Mrs Last Name. When a last name is not known, then Sir or Ma'am.

 

Well I don't know if you are in the minority, but I agree with you. I prefer to be addressed Mrs..... and I want my children to do the same. Here in the south Miss (insert first name) is very common. Unfortunately, it's just a gateway to being addressed by just your first name pretty quickly, so I'm always referring to myself as Mrs. when talking to young children, for example, "This is Mrs....is your mother available" when I call on the phone. Adults often tell my children to call them Miss First Name and I just let it go.

[Truscifi]

I have one family we are friends with and they do call us Miss Kelly and Dr. Dave. But they are so souther, you couldn't beat it out of them with a tire iron, so we've just gotten used to it.

 

:lol::lol::lol::lol:

 

True! (And I'm Southern.)

[Crimson Wife]

I like first names because it's how I grew up. It feels relaxed, and friendly, and just down to earth to me. If people really feel strongly that they need to be called by a title, I guess that's fine, but they're probably not people my family would be drawn to, as another poster mentioned. That's fine, too.

 

I really hope my kids and I respect all people, regardless of age or experience. While I am older than my daughter, I honestly feel utmost respect for her.

 

I have respect for children and feel friendly to some, but they're not my peers. Having children use a title when addressing an adult isn't about being elitist or unfriendly but an acknowledgment that adults are authority figures to children. I realize that respect for authority has been politically incorrect ever since the 1960's in mainstream U.S. culture, but I'm not raising my kids to follow the crowd. I'm raising them to do what's morally right. And a big part of that is following the 4th Commandment (or 5th if you use the Protestant numbering). Honor thy mother and father extends to respect for all authority figures.

[hornblower]

Meh, I'd wager there are plenty of kids of people on this board who are smarter and more knowledgeable than most adults they meet.

 

Wisdom also does not come from age. There are plenty of unwise older people.

 

Older people don't deserve automatic respect just by virtue of their age.

 

 

It's been an interesting discussion.

 

I've realized cannot imagine being friends with anyone who insisted on being called Mrs. ____ by my kids. The only way I could see that playing out is if this was a person whom I would also call Mrs. _____ and that would not be how I would address a friend. Ergo, we would not be friends.

[Jen500]

I think true respect a)goes both ways between grown-ups and kids and b) is much much more than just how one is addressed. I have known kids who say "Yes, sir" or "Hello, Mrs. Lastname" and are polite on the surface.....but as soon as they think you aren't listening they are mocking the adults and more.

[HRAAB]

I have my children call adults by whatever name those adults wish to be called by children. For most family friends that is the first name. For some in the homeschooling group that is Mrs. LastName.

 

I prefer to be called by my first name (and it has absolutely nothing to do with me trying to strike up some friendship with your child - had never even considered that), but if that makes the other parent uncomfortable, fine. However, I don't always respond to Mrs. Lastname simply because it's not how I identify myself and it doesn't always register. Mrs. Lastname is my mother-in-law - not me.

 

For the sake of family unity among homeschoolers we introduce ourselves as the dh lastname family. It's easier especially since I don't know any other homeschooling moms around here that don't use their dh's name. Outside of that, it's not how I identify myself.

[RoughCollie]

I've realized cannot imagine being friends with anyone who insisted on being called Mrs. ____ by my kids. The only way I could see that playing out is if this was a person whom I would also call Mrs. _____ and that would not be how I would address a friend. Ergo, we would not be friends.

 

Your choice of course.

 

I cannot imagine being friends with, for example, a pedophile, a drug addict, a violent criminal, a liar, a thief, a bully, and/or a malicious gossip.

[Sputterduck]

It makes me extremely uncomfortable to be called Ms. or ma'am.

[Crimson Wife]

Meh, I'd wager there are plenty of kids of people on this board who are smarter and more knowledgeable than most adults they meet.

 

Wisdom also does not come from age. There are plenty of unwise older people.

 

Of course, but the adults are still authority figures to my child. She may be bright, but she's still a minor.

 

Older people don't deserve automatic respect just by virtue of their age.

 

In my worldview, they do. Everyone is equal before God, but He doesn't set everyone in an equal place in this world. Those in authority deserve respect. If I were to meet President Obama, I wouldn't address him as "Barack" but by his title.

 

I've realized cannot imagine being friends with anyone who insisted on being called Mrs. ____ by my kids. The only way I could see that playing out is if this was a person whom I would also call Mrs. _____ and that would not be how I would address a friend. Ergo, we would not be friends.

 

I'm sorry you feel that way. I don't see this as a matter of being friendly vs. standoffish but a simple matter of courtesy. If you wouldn't address the President by his first name, why would you want your child to address an adult by his/hers?

[MeganW]

I am in the don't like Miss FirstName camp, though. To me it sounds massively contrived, and I can't envision a scenario in which I would ever want to address someone that way or be addressed in that way.

 

Normally, I would agree, but I have a very few instances in which I think Miss FirstName is best.

- babysitters - I want my kids to understand that these folks have some authority, but as teens, they aren't really Miss LastName material yet

- older ladies at my church who invite me to call them by their first name. I'm just not quite comfortable calling a 70 year old by their first name, so I usually stick "Miss" in there as a sign of my respect for their position above my own.

[hornblower]

I'm sorry you feel that way. I don't see this as a matter of being friendly vs. standoffish but a simple matter of courtesy. If you wouldn't address the President by his first name, why would you want your child to address an adult by his/hers?

 

Well, you're assuming I wouldn't call your President by his first name ...... :D

 

I probably wouldn't but I do think this is quite different. I can understand calling a doctor Dr. or a priest Fr. - esp. so long as they call me Ms. We're not friends, kwim? We have a business relationship.

My father is a ship Captain. Those titles and military titles make sense to me, esp if that person has authority during your interaction.

 

I also called my clients Mr & Ms. when I still worked for immigration & I was Officer _____. If I met a head of state or a royal figure, I'd call them by their title and so would my kids. I'd also expect them to call me Ms. ..... and I think I'd expect them to call my kids Miss ____ and Master _____.

 

 

But I think this would be tedious if we actually got to know each other for any length of time. If we were stranded on an isolated island for several days, I would expect us to be hornblower & Barack pretty quickly. :lol: And what if Barack said to your kids, "Hi, I'm Barack. Nice to meet you." What if he ASKS them to call him Barack? Do you ignore his wishes & insist your kids 'show respect' by disregarding his wishes?

 

When I was assisting with a lactation course at the local college, our students were nurses & doctors and OT's and midwives etc & we all used first names. When we had conferences and big name speakers, they were just called by their first name too. Jack Newman is just Jack, esp when a group of you is having dinner with him after a conference :)

 

I don't see all adults in an automatic authority relationship over my kids so that's probably the issue. And I do believe in equality of people. Nobody needs to tug at their forelock. It's like I said before - there are people whom I wouldn't call by their first name & then neither would my kids. But if I would call them by their first name, then so would my kids.

 

I guess it's different here in the West. We're pretty casual. I've met one of the richest men in Vancouver & he's as casual as you can get. Chat, chat, shake hands, "Hi, I'm Bob." kind of guy. Only a bit later do you realize Oh. THAT Bob.

[Donovans4]

I haven't read all the responses, but I think the most respectful thing to do is call the adult by what they would like to be called. For instance, most kids I know call me by my first name, and that is what I would like to be called. However, I have two friends who insist that their children call adults Mr. or Mrs. last name, and that all children address them the same way. Mmy kids always call them Mrs. last name, and I want them to do so because that is the adult's wishes, but I feel it disrespects my wishes when they insist that their children call me Mrs. last name.

[keptwoman]

I'm really struggling with the idea that titles dictate respect. As a child and now with my children, we run the gamut of titles with various people in our lives and I have to say that I have never experienced a title changing the level of respect a child gave to their elders.

 

We have some very special people in our lives; my Aunt and Uncle, as an adult they suggested I switch to just first names. Then my children came along, my parents are dead, and this aunt and uncle fulfil a grandparent role in my childrens lives. We discussed long and hard about what these special people should be called. In the end we settled on just first names, the children adore and have the utmost respect for these people, the firstname title does not change the respect at all.

 

I completely agree that what an adult is called by a child should be dictated by the adult. If respect is what the adult is due (and in most cases I think it is) then to call a child other than what the adult desired to be called is pretty darn disrespectful IMHO.

[jld]

You've written some wise words here, hornblower. Thank you.

[StartingOver]

My children address adults as Mr. first name, or Miss First name ( regardless of age ), unless of course the person they are addressing request something else. My elderly neighbors just love being called Miss. ;-)

They must always say Yes/No Ma'am, and Yes/No Sir !

 

It is a habit in the South I really love !

[Mrs Mungo]

I'm sorry you feel that way. I don't see this as a matter of being friendly vs. standoffish but a simple matter of courtesy. If you wouldn't address the President by his first name, why would you want your child to address an adult by his/hers?

 

I know this wasn't addressed to me, but this is *exactly* the reason that it's hard to imagine being friends with someone who insisted upon being called Mrs. Lastname when we're supposedly friends. Of course, you should give *all* people their due respect. You say, "yes, your honor" to a judge in his/her courtroom. You say, "nice to meet you, Mr. President" to the president. I don't call a friend Mrs. Lastname.

 

Again, I realize that this is partly due to military culture. Most people use the convention of Miss Firstname. We're talking about the people I spend holidays and birthdays with, the people we hang out with on the weekend, the people upon whose shoulders I cry. Many of them I have known for *years*, there are several people we have known at multiple duty stations. They aren't casual acquaintances and calling them Mrs. Lastname would make them seem like casual acquaintances to me.

[Hockey Mom]

My children address adults as Mr. first name, or Miss First name ( regardless of age ), unless of course the person they are addressing request something else. My elderly neighbors just love being called Miss. ;-)

They must always say Yes/No Ma'am, and Yes/No Sir !

 

It is a habit in the South I really love !

 

Yes, it is. And you have described my family and our habits/expectations to a "T". :D It's considered....impolite...to have your children address an adult as anything else. None of my friends would allow their children to address an adult without "Miss" First Name, and "Mr." First Name either. In fact, I can't think of a single child that I have met in any social setting (homeschool group, church, friends, family, etc.) that doesn't refer to me as "Miss" first name.

 

Maybe it's a cultural thing?

[sagira]

We use Ms. First Name as a rule, as most of the time we don't even know the person's last name. Where I live everyone introduces themselves by their first name only. I'm a young-looking, and young at heart woman. I don't like it when kids refer to me by just my first name, but I find it a bit uncomfortable when my friend's 18-year-old son calls me Mrs. Last Name. To me that lady must be 70 or 80 LOL.

 

I correct my son if he calls my adult friend by her first name, and include the Ms.

Edited April 12, 2010 by sagira

[FlockOfSillies]

Ack. I think I need to be more clear. Sorry.

 

My annoyance is limited to kids taking the liberty of calling adults by first name only. I think it makes perfect sense for adults to call each other by first names only, but for kids to use a title of respect for that same adult. (Being entitled to call adults by first name only is one of the perks of reaching adulthood.) So, Mrs. Mungo, :D I'd have no trouble referring to you by your first name only, but my kids would get a hairy eyeball from me if they addressed you in the same way. Miss FirstName, Mrs LastName... as long as they didn't call you something like, "Hey, old lady..." :svengo:

 

"Mr/Miss/Ms First Name" is still showing respect by using a title, even though it's a more familiar form. And at our church it's common to hear kids refer to adult members of the church family as "Aunt" or "Uncle." My mom always used to call the school nurse "Miss Betty" instead of "Mrs. LastName" because she couldn't remember it. "Miss Betty" was always gracious enough to smile and let it go by, year after year.

 

My comments about parents wanting to be cool weren't meant to be a blanket statement about every adult who uses the first-name-only convention; it was more of a general observation of how our culture has shifted. I think that there are a lot of parents these days who recoil at the thought of being called by anything but their first names by children, for the reasons I mentioned. It's something I've observed firsthand, and there are a number of articles all over the Web discussing these cultural trends. I'm not the only one who sees this happening.

 

None of those thoughts were directed toward you. I understand that military life comes with all kinds of unwritten rules of behavior that serve very specific purposes, :gnorsi:(Hey! I finally get to use this guy in a post!) and the South is well-known for its longstanding regional tradition of "Mr/Miss/Ms FirstName" as a title of respect. I wasn't responding to those particular cases.

 

Some people would say, "You're offended when a kid uses your first name only; well, I'm offended when anyone calls me Mrs. So-and-So. What's the difference?" The difference, as I see it, is that one method of address has a long history of tradition with certain guiding principles behind it, and the other is a very recent (<50 years) development with opposing principles. The newer one is steadily tearing down the old, and I don't think that's a good thing. I'm much more interested in the principle than in the form the principle takes.

[FlockOfSillies]

Mrs. Lastname is my mother-in-law - not me.

 

I had to laugh when I read this. It reminds me of Crush the Turtle from "Finding Nemo": "Dude, Mr. Turtle is my father." :D

[nd293]

In South Africa children either use first name or call an adult "Aunty + first name". In Australia it seems to be mostly first names, although I have heard "Mrs + surname" used in one instance.

 

I prefer to be called by my first name. Mrs sounds odd and too formal for social situations. And I don't particularly like being called Aunty.

 

Respect is in tone of voice, behaviour and choice of words, rather than in titles and terms of address.

[Laura Corin]

I have respect for children and feel friendly to some, but they're not my peers. Having children use a title when addressing an adult isn't about being elitist or unfriendly but an acknowledgment that adults are authority figures to children.

 

It's just that in my culture that is not generally expressed through titles. If they used 'sir' or 'ma'am' it would be assumed that they were taking the mickey.

 

Laura