Poll: Do mind if people drop by without calling?

[profmom]

Am I old-fashioned to think that I (and people who want to visit us) should call before showing up at the door?

[Parrothead]

No, you are not old fashioned.

 

I've been reading Miss Manner's Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior. In it she explained the old fashioned "at home" times and how that has evolved into the courtesy of a phone call. Drop by visits are rude.

[EKS]

Actually, I think it's the *really* old fashioned people who don't call. No phones back in the day and all that.

 

But, no, I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.

[ChristusG]

I don't like it when people drop by unannounced. I could be exercising and be all sweaty, we could be doing school, I could have just jumped out of the shower, etc. I like warning.

[MeganW]

My MIL (who lived 3 hours away) used to stop by for surprise visits. I just didn't answer the door. One time she actually sat in my driveway and called on her cell phone. "Oh, I'm so sorry - it's just not a good time for us. Maybe next Saturday? How's 3:00 for you?" I'm sure she was flabbergasted. Whatever! We were newlyweds and still in bed. It wasn't convenient! :)

[Mommyof4ks]

My grandparents always had people stop by without calling as did my parents, so I grew up thinking that was normal. My dh did not lol. I have no problem with people dropping by, and thankfully most of my friends don't live in a 'museum' house so they don't care that my house is a mess if they don't call first. It is a great excuse for me too, because I hate cleaning lol.

[MelanieM]

I really, really dislike it when people drop by without calling. Thankfully, it rarely happens. We're in a large enough city that people have to travel a bit to get to us, so it's not like they're coming from across the street. And anyone I know that's in the neighbourhood will call to say so before knocking on the door, so I at least get a few minutes warning.

 

Growing up it was common for people to come on into our house -- no knocking even, never mind calling! I think I'd go off the deep end if I was still facing that type of thing. lol!

 

ETA: You know, I just realized the only reason I dislike this is because of some misguided concern over what people might think of the state of my house. The fact is that I *love* visiting with friends, so if I get past that initial "eek!" reaction, I'm actually good with an unannounced drop-in. In fact, it would probably give me less time to stress out. (I don't do stressing after the fact. No point!) Hey, maybe I should encourage all my friends to do this more often. ha!

Edited January 31, 2010 by MelanieM

[RegGuheert]

I can't tell you how often I've had complete strangers drop by to ask about the photovoltaic array I installed here. I've met several people this way that I now consider friends.

[amtmcm]

It depends on who it is. I like it when my family (mom or sister) drop by and they don't need to call first. And I don't mind when my neighbors drop by to ask a question or borrow something and if we're free I invite them to stay and if we're busy I don't.

 

I guess I'd prefer someone called first if they are expecting me to be available to visit with them. With family it doesn't matter because I keep doing what I need to do, and if I'm busy my sister quizzes one of my kids or my mom does my dishes. :) Gotta love Moms!

[eternalknot]

Am I old-fashioned to think that I (and people who want to visit us) should call before showing up at the door?

 

No, they should. It's the courteous thing to do, IMO.

 

That said, to answer your other question -- I totally don't mind drop-in visitors. I come from a large family, and my childhood home had a revolving door policy. People were always stopping in and staying over. I liked it then, and I like it still. My home operates the same way - anyone is welcome, anytime. Today I got out of the shower and went into the living room to find my mom playing a game with my kids. And even better, she brought me a drink from Starbucks :D. A few days ago I walked into my laundry room and ran smack into my brother, who had brought over his laundry to wash. Everyone in my family has keys to my home, and vice versa. Drop-in visits are good. Even friends are welcome anytime, but few will come over unannounced. It's just not their "normal" so they don't feel comfortable doing so, I suppose.

 

I don't call family before coming over, but I do make a point to call friends first and see if they're available. I had to be trained by one good friend, though, because before she got to me I was totally guilty of dropping in on friends the way I did family :blushing:

[BridgeTea]

I don't mind drop-in visitors. I minded more when I was younger. Now I'm just happy to have someone to get the tea water going while I finish up whatever I'm working on. I'm an introvert and need my alone time, but I am starting to really appreciate friends that pop in! (Not counting ax-wielding internet stalker-weirdos, of course. For you, I have large dogs and other surprises. No tea.)

[Ellie]

I don't mind, but then it's never been much of a problem. I might feel differently if my life had been as disrupted as some folks' I've read about.

[jonnia]

I'd really prefer that only family and close friends catch me in my pj's and bed-head at noon. Well, the UPS man should probably be part of that group.

 

Disclaimer: hypothetical situation of dress and disarray described above is in no way an admission that said situation has actually occurred or that it may ever in the future.

 

:D

[amtmcm]

(Not counting ax-wielding internet stalker-weirdos, of course. For you, I have large dogs and other surprises. No tea.)

 

:lol:

 

The way you worded that is too funny!

[jld]

I grew up in rural Indiana, and everybody did that. That was normal and friendly to me.

 

Fast forward many years, living in an urban area in a different state. I found out the hard way that that was just not done there.

 

When I was a younger mom of fewer children, I used to wonder why people didn't drop by the way I urged them to. Now, as an older, busier mom of more children, I get really nervous when I hear the doorbell ring. Funny how life changes . . .

[SproutMamaK]

I really, really, really don't like it. My house is generally is varying states of disarray. There's ALWAYS laundry in piles waiting to be folded, a few dishes in the sink, and toys scattered everywhere. If I know people are coming, I'll tidy up a little bit to be "presentable", but if people come by unannounced, I feel uncomfortable the whole time. Friends my own age I don't mind so much, because they all (or mostly) have kids around the same age and 'get it'. But if my MOM dropped by unannounced, I'd be hearing for the next two years what a slob I am, so I'd prefer to avoid that. ;)

[smrtmama]

I don't mind if Patchfire surprises me, but I don't like it when other people show up, including family. My grandmother has a bad habit of popping in unannounced (she lives right up the street). Love her dearly, but she had very bad timing -- nap time, dinner time, trying to leave the house time.

[Denisemomof4]

I put that I think it's rude, but it's because we moved to a very rural place out int he middle of NOWHERE, and I don't feel comfortable anymore with people just dropping by. When I lived in a development I was ok with it, but not being so far out.

 

Recently, I had someone drop by on the weekend, dh and kids were outside. She let herself in, heard me upstairs blow drying my hair, and she just walked into the bathroom!!! :eek::eek::eek::eek::eek: I was NOT happy (although she surely didn't know!) but it really irked me. I usually have my shirt off while I'm doing my hair, and thankfully I was fully dressed that day!

[KidsHappen]

I put other because I do not answer the door to any adult I am not expecting.

[newbie]

I put other because I do not answer the door to any adult I am not expecting.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

[RoughCollie]

If someone who is not in the close friend category drops by, you can rest assured that my house will not be in a state to receive company. It never fails.

 

This afternoon, the landlord's father called to say he'd be by in 1/2 hour. I had just finished a 10 hour, break-free, stint of working on our taxes, had a terrible headache, and was about to lie down. The house was a mess, I hadn't showered, and he was coming to the basement to give me a new part for the pellet stove -- the basement in which the first thing one sees is the laundry mountain.

 

What could I do? I took a shower and 2 aspirin, brushed my teeth, and kicked the laundry mountain into a smaller looking (I hope) pile, and then he knocked on the door. Keeping a sharp eye out for mice (of which I am unreasonably terrified), I invited him in, told myself to stop telling myself everything I could suddenly see wrong with the basement (the kids' play room), and we sat down and had a nice chat. He spied a plate (across the room) the kids had left down there, and mentioned that the mice might stay away if the kids didn't leave plates down there. Yes. No. It's cold out there and the mice are coming in anyway!

 

A few minutes after he left, the landlord's father's lifelong pal, the furnace guy, showed up to fix the furnace (water in the oil tank = cold air coming through the ducts). Now this guy wouldn't notice laundry mountain if he fell over it. He was an all furnace, all the time, type of guy -- my type of guy! :-)

 

P.S. The rule is no eating or drinking in the basement. But when you are a teenager and your mother is wed to the computer, muttering to herself about how to complete the taxes for 2 states and 2 businesses, tearing her hair out ... you take your chances.

Edited January 31, 2010 by RoughCollie

[mazakaal]

I had to vote other. My husband constantly says, 'Drop by any time,' encouraging people to stop in without calling. While I don't think it's rude to stop in without calling, especially when you've gotten an invitation like that, it does get on my nerves when it happens all the time and at inconvenient times, like when I'm teaching. But dh keeps encouraging it. He loves it. Makes me crazy.

[Rosy]

I guess it depends on whether the person wants me to drop everything and entertain them, or if they're just stopping by to drop off/pick up something and we chat for a little bit. I love visitors, and I don't mind the *idea* of a spontaneous visit, but in reality someone who just showed up and expected a half hour + of my time, something to eat, etc. might irk me, especially if I'm in the middle of school or our afternoon down time.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I said that I didn't mind if it was close friends or family but I need to qualify that. It depends on how long they are dropping in for! When we were married, I told the people at our reception that they were welcome to come by anytime. I wondered why my new dh kicked me under the table. Then one month later, I got a call from his cousins. They were dropping by. With their four kids. For 3 weeks. They called when they were a half hour away.

[coffeefreak]

I don't like it. Not because of the state of my house or myself, but because of MY time. If you stop buy unannounced, you're assuming I have time to visit with you. The reality is, I don't! You wouldn't stop by my work unannounced and expect me to to be happy, why would you drop by my home? :glare: I think it's rude.

[Cammie]

Interesting. One of the things I love about living in the neighborhood we live in is that people drop by all the time. And I can drop in on them all the time. Now, since it is India the houses are always picked up (due to the maids) and maybe that makes all the difference! But I never am annoyed if someone stops by to visit - I love it!

[Retired]

southern hospitality, my doors always open, come on in and have a glass of sweet tea or a cup of coffee:D

[Peela]

If people drop by and I am doing school or otherwise occupied...I just say so.

I do prefer it if someone phones first...but really, I dont get a lot of visitors so I am usually happy enough when someone does come, depending on who it is I guess.

I find most people are understanding if I am busy and check when they are at the door if it's a good time...usually they were in the neighbourhood.

I dont feel its rude unless they have expectations I would just drop everything no matter what, and that doesnt really happen.

[OrganicAnn]

I don't think it is *rude*, but I don't like it. So I couldn't vote in your categories. Usually I don't like it because we don't have a 'company ready' living room to direct someone into. So we might have a clean house or a messy house depending on the day.

 

Now if it is just a neighbor coming by to ask if we've lost a cat or something and they just stand inside the door for a brief conversation, then I don't mind that.

[GaHadley]

My MIL (who lived 3 hours away) used to stop by for surprise visits. I just didn't answer the door. One time she actually sat in my driveway and called on her cell phone. "Oh, I'm so sorry - it's just not a good time for us. Maybe next Saturday? How's 3:00 for you?" I'm sure she was flabbergasted. Whatever! We were newlyweds and still in bed. It wasn't convenient! :)

 

:ohmy: glad my SIL broke my MIL's "just dropping by" habit ~ I can't believe she'd drive 3 hours to "drop by" - crazy!!

 

I put other - I don't think it's rude, but I don't like it when people stop by because my house is usually very messy! I am NOT a housekeeper, and things are normally in a crazy state here.

[Erica in PA]

Am I old-fashioned to think that I (and people who want to visit us) should call before showing up at the door?

 

I couldn't answer the poll because I don't think it's rude, but I personally would prefer to have the heads up because I and my house are usually sort of a wreck a lot of the time. But I feel that I *should* have myself and house decent enough to be hospitable anytime, so I can't put the blame on a guest who might drop by. It's something I really want to work on, because I don't want to be the kind of person that can't have people drop in because my home is so disorganized.

[Chris in VA]

I don't mind close friends dropping by. I drop by their houses, too.

I think sometimes it's a God thing. Perhaps the interruptions in my plan are part of His for that day. I try to stay open.

Of course, I don't know of anyone who would abuse that.

My house is rarely "company ready."

[MamaT]

We live in a rural area outside the city, so we really don't have that many people just drop by. My friends around here that would just drop by are close enough friends that I don't really mind. If they do come by, it is usually for a specific reason (like bringing back a book they borrowed) and don't stay but a minute. If it happened more often and disrupted our day that would be a different story.

 

Back when we lived in a neighborhood, it was common for neighbors to be in and out of each other's homes. I miss that sometimes.

 

I do have teenage boys who are friends of my son in and out of here all the time. They consider this their other "home" and don't even bother to knock. That doesn't bother me.

[HRAAB]

I prefer that people call first. My home is where we relax which means we might still be in PJ's at noon with books scattered all over. I will answer the door, apologize for the state of my person and/or house (hint, hint), and be polite. I had a friend who did this constantly, and she was a homeschooler. She had a cell phone, just call, but she never did. I have an incredibly hard time telling people not to do something. I confess one time I didn't answer the door. I should have asked her to call first, but I chickened out.

[coffeefreak]

I don't mind close friends dropping by. I drop by their houses, too.

I think sometimes it's a God thing. Perhaps the interruptions in my plan are part of His for that day. I try to stay open.

Of course, I don't know of anyone who would abuse that.

My house is rarely "company ready."

 

Maybe that's why it bothers me. I have MANY people in my life that abuse my boundaries. It has taken me years to get tough and and stand up for myself and my family. I have 2 friends in the whole world who could stop by at anytime and it wouldn't bother me. But that's just it, they wouldn't!:lol: They would call first and I would drop everything and say, "Sure, come on over!." I think it's about respect. If people are gracious about your time, you don't mind them stopping by.

[Aubrey]

Well...I can go both ways. I mostly love it. If you call first, that's like a take-home test. I'm obligated to clean house, prepare a snack, & otherwise *really* commit to the visit. I have to think about what I *ought* to be doing, & generally that means I'll say no.

 

My closest friends--I'm so thankful that they'll sometimes drop by unannounced. Otherwise, I might never get together w/ anybody. It's annoying to be too interrupted too often, but otherwise, a pleasant surprise can be a welcome detour.

[I talk to the trees]

(Not counting ax-wielding internet stalker-weirdos, of course. For you, I have large dogs and other surprises. No tea.)

:lol:

*snort*

 

Certain friends have open invitations to "drop buy whenever you get a chance." (I was raised in the south, so that invitation is extended by default to any and all relatives.) If you have not received the above verbal invitation, please do call first, otherwise I may not answer the doorbell. :D

[sunshine]

I really, really dislike it when people drop by without calling. Thankfully, it rarely happens. We're in a large enough city that people have to travel a bit to get to us, so it's not like they're coming from across the street. And anyone I know that's in the neighbourhood will call to say so before knocking on the door, so I at least get a few minutes warning.

 

Growing up it was common for people to come on into our house -- no knocking even, never mind calling! I think I'd go off the deep end if I was still facing that type of thing. lol!

 

ETA: You know, I just realized the only reason I dislike this is because of some misguided concern over what people might think of the state of my house. The fact is that I *love* visiting with friends, so if I get past that initial "eek!" reaction, I'm actually good with an unannounced drop-in. In fact, it would probably give me less time to stress out. (I don't do stressing after the fact. No point!) Hey, maybe I should encourage all my friends to do this more often. ha!

 

 

ROTFLMHO!!! You sound like me. No I don't like it, wait, yes I do..... I change my mind mid sentence too!! :lol::lol::lol:

[duckens]

In the modern age of the telephone, there is no reason to rudely assume that others have nothing to do but wait for you to drop by. If you were to telephone me and give me fifteen minutes to reorganize my life, then I surely could prioritize what I need to take care of right away and what needs to be rescheduled for later.

 

I have also had the ultimate in rudeness with one family for daycare that cannot seem to plan ahead. The dad called in the morning and said that if it rained (as the forecast and sky predicted), he would not bring his son because he would not be working that day and the son would stay home with him.

 

An hour after the rain began, the phone rang. I ran from the bathroom with my pants around my ankles to catch the phone, but no one was there when I picked up the phone. I returned to the toilet to finish my business. Now my cell phone was ringing. I, again, ran even further across the house with no pants to answer the cell phone. Again, no one on the other end when I picked up. I still had no pants on, and I was now standing in front of the glassed front door ....where he and his son were standing.:blush: He had called from my driveway because the door was locked!!!!

 

I told him that he was #$%@ lucky that I hadn't thrown dd into the car and taken off for the Science Center (out of town) as I had planned when the rain started. (He had opportunity to work for his mom last minute, but didn't think he needed to tell the babysitter!!!

 

This is after a loooooooooong history of him not telling me when their schedule changes, and many, many, many discussions of how he needed to tell me whether I should expect his child early (6am) or late (10:30am or later, if at all). After much yelling and chastising and reminding him that even six-year-olds know that they need to make a phone call when plans change, he has started calling when they are on their way. Every day. :D

 

Laura in Iowa

[scrapbookbuzz]

I don't mind that people (that I know) drop by unannounced. But those that I know usually do call first.

[Greta]

My Mom, who is a sweet and wonderful woman, has complained to me several times that it really hurts her feelings that my brother and sister in law (who live in the same town as her) do not want her dropping by unannounced. When she and my Dad first got married, they lived in the same town with my Dad's parents, and they would often drop by unexpectedly, and my parents loved that. It's just the way things were done then, I think. But it's just not the way things are done now, and it hurts her. I can understand where she's coming from, but I've never had the guts to tell her that I don't like surprise visitors either!!!!

 

We have no family in the city where we live now, and none of my friends have every dropped by expecting to be let in. What I mean is, just a quick conversation at the front door, returning a book or a movie or something, and they're on their way. I don't have a problem with that. But if you're expecting me to set aside time to sit and visit with you, you gotta warn me first! We have school, taekwondo, girl scouts, and things like the occasional need to shower that can make drop-ins most inconvenient. I don't drop in on other people unannounced, and I expect the same courtesy.

[Sputterduck]

Honestly, I don't answer the door if I'm not expecting someone. So I wouldn't know if someone dropped by without calling or it was a salesman.

[coffeefreak]

In the modern age of the telephone, there is no reason to rudely assume that others have nothing to do but wait for you to drop by. If you were to telephone me and give me fifteen minutes to reorganize my life, then I surely could prioritize what I need to take care of right away and what needs to be rescheduled for later.

 

I have also had the ultimate in rudeness with one family for daycare that cannot seem to plan ahead. The dad called in the morning and said that if it rained (as the forecast and sky predicted), he would not bring his son because he would not be working that day and the son would stay home with him.

 

An hour after the rain began, the phone rang. I ran from the bathroom with my pants around my ankles to catch the phone, but no one was there when I picked up the phone. I returned to the toilet to finish my business. Now my cell phone was ringing. I, again, ran even further across the house with no pants to answer the cell phone. Again, no one on the other end when I picked up. I still had no pants on, and I was now standing in front of the glassed front door ....where he and his son were standing.:blush: He had called from my driveway because the door was locked!!!!

 

I told him that he was #$%@ lucky that I hadn't thrown dd into the car and taken off for the Science Center (out of town) as I had planned when the rain started. (He had opportunity to work for his mom last minute, but didn't think he needed to tell the babysitter!!!

 

This is after a loooooooooong history of him not telling me when their schedule changes, and many, many, many discussions of how he needed to tell me whether I should expect his child early (6am) or late (10:30am or later, if at all). After much yelling and chastising and reminding him that even six-year-olds know that they need to make a phone call when plans change, he has started calling when they are on their way. Every day. :D

 

Laura in Iowa

 

:laugh:

[profmom]

In the modern age of the telephone, there is no reason to rudely assume that others have nothing to do but wait for you to drop by. If you were to telephone me and give me fifteen minutes to reorganize my life, then I surely could prioritize what I need to take care of right away and what needs to be rescheduled for later.

 

I have also had the ultimate in rudeness with one family for daycare that cannot seem to plan ahead. The dad called in the morning and said that if it rained (as the forecast and sky predicted), he would not bring his son because he would not be working that day and the son would stay home with him.

 

An hour after the rain began, the phone rang. I ran from the bathroom with my pants around my ankles to catch the phone, but no one was there when I picked up the phone. I returned to the toilet to finish my business. Now my cell phone was ringing. I, again, ran even further across the house with no pants to answer the cell phone. Again, no one on the other end when I picked up. I still had no pants on, and I was now standing in front of the glassed front door ....where he and his son were standing.:blush: He had called from my driveway because the door was locked!!!!

 

I told him that he was #$%@ lucky that I hadn't thrown dd into the car and taken off for the Science Center (out of town) as I had planned when the rain started. (He had opportunity to work for his mom last minute, but didn't think he needed to tell the babysitter!!!

 

This is after a loooooooooong history of him not telling me when their schedule changes, and many, many, many discussions of how he needed to tell me whether I should expect his child early (6am) or late (10:30am or later, if at all). After much yelling and chastising and reminding him that even six-year-olds know that they need to make a phone call when plans change, he has started calling when they are on their way. Every day. :D

 

Laura in Iowa

 

Oh my goodness!! :D

[profmom]

(Not counting ax-wielding internet stalker-weirdos, of course. For you, I have large dogs and other surprises. No tea.)

 

I agree -- so funny! "For you...large dogs and other surprises. No tea." :lol::lol:

[Guest Katia]

Honestly, I don't answer the door if I'm not expecting someone. So I wouldn't know if someone dropped by without calling or it was a salesman.

 

Yes. This is me. I think it is simply beyond rude to barge into my personal space without first asking my permission or consent. So.....I don't answer the door if I'm not expecting someone. They can stand out there and pound and call as long and as loud as they want to (yep, that has happened before). I've even had people walk around my house and look into my garage window to see if our car is in the garage!

 

People seem to think that if you are at home you are obligated to answer their knock on your door. Wrong. It is my house and I choose whether or not to respond. If you want me: go home; call me; set up an agreed-upon time to come over. What is so hard about that?

[profmom]

Interesting responses! Thanks!

[Garga]

I voted other. There was only 1 time that someone dropped by unexpectedly and she regretted doing it the moment I answered the door and kept saying, "I shouldn't have dropped by! I'm so sorry. What was I thinking?" and then she left.

 

 

 

So, I'm not sure how I would feel if people started dropping by. If I had to guess, based on my personality, it would probably irritate me, because I get irritated enough when the phone rings and interrupts me. I usually let the answering machine get it.

 

 

If someone dropped by and I didn't want to talk, I'd probably just not answer the door.