Tacky invitation...

[Carol in Cal.]

So, my youngest brother's wife is expecting their first child. And I just got an invitation, along with 74 other FAMILIES, to a baby shower that they are throwing for themselves! We are talking about upwards of 200 people here! It's at a church that they attend but are not joining. And they ask for specific items in the invitation, while providing registry information at two websites for our purchasing pleasure.

 

My mind is boggling.

[Crissy]

:eek:

 

Beyond tacky.

[mommaduck]

Oy!

[Lisa in Jax]

When we used to own a printing business, we did a lot of wedding invitations, etc. One woman came in to order her wedding invitations and wanted to word it something like this:

 

Jane Doe

and

John Smith

request the honour of your presence

at their wedding

and at the baptism

of their son

Henry Doe Smith

Saturday, the third of December

(Etc.)

 

They'd had a child before marriage -- several years before, in fact, and wanted to combine the two ceremonies on one date and on one invitation "to save money." ACK! This is such a no-no, Emily Post-wise, and it was a challenge to help her understand that it wasn't appropriate w/o insulting her. I finally convinced her to put the baptism on a separate, smaller insert card, but she wasn't happy about it.

 

Lisa

[abreakfromlife]

Is it bad that I love threads like these? :lol:

[Stacie]

Is it bad that I love threads like these? :lol:

 

:iagree: They always make me feel like I have so much class! :lol:

[OnTheBrink]

Is it bad that I love threads like these? :lol:

 

They make me giggle, too.

[Nakia]

:iagree: They always make me feel like I have so much class! :lol:

 

Me too!!!!

[Gretchen in NJ]

When we used to own a printing business, we did a lot of wedding invitations, etc. One woman came in to order her wedding invitations and wanted to word it something like this:

 

Jane Doe

and

John Smith

request the honour of your presence

at their wedding

and at the baptism

of their son

Henry Doe Smith

Saturday, the third of December

(Etc.)

 

They'd had a child before marriage -- several years before, in fact, and wanted to combine the two ceremonies on one date and on one invitation "to save money." ACK! This is such a no-no, Emily Post-wise, and it was a challenge to help her understand that it wasn't appropriate w/o insulting her. I finally convinced her to put the baptism on a separate, smaller insert card, but she wasn't happy about it.

 

Lisa

:001_huh:

 

 

:svengo:

[MrsMe]

Then with all those people there they won't even miss you. :sneaky2:

[LauraGB]

Are they catering lunch, or is it a potluck? Check i/ there is a charge to attend, too. ;)

[Carol in Cal.]

Are they catering lunch, or is it a potluck? Check i/ there is a charge to attend, too. ;)

 

The invitation does note that refreshments/beverages will be served. [boggle]

 

ETA: Actually, it's 'snacks' and beverages. Clearly not a meal--with all those people, a meal would cost a fortune! Oh wait...

Edited January 4, 2010 by Carol in Cal.

[Chris in VA]

You know what? I'd have half a mind not to go.

[FairProspects]

nm - tmi

Edited January 4, 2010 by FairProspects

[Mommy22alyns]

Then with all those people there they won't even miss you. :sneaky2:

 

 

I like the way you think!

[MrsMe]

nm - tmi

 

:001_huh::thumbdown: Wow, that's bad. We went to a wedding once and the invite asked for only monetary gifts. Needless to say we didn't give to their "money tree".

[LauraGB]

You know, I'm sitting here laughing, so I just have to share.

My mom's side of the family always has huge baby showers. But thier family is gigantic (13 brothers and sisters in just her immediate family, and then there are Grandma's and Grandpa's sisters, thier kids, neices, cousins, etc). The showers are always organized by the older ladies; moms, grandmothers, never by the new parents. In fact, the new parents have no say in it at all - its right up there with weddings and funerals. :lol:

 

Here's how it works:

1. 1st babies only - never for the second, third, etc.

2. They are always in the church basement.

3. They are always potluck.

4. There is always sheet cake.

5. Never include registration information in the invite. The honoree will be happy with what she gets.

6. Grandma gets the matriarchal say in EVERYTHING regarding the shower. This is not to be questioned.

7. Games WILL be played.

8. Women only - grandmothers, mothers, daughters, female cousins, etc.

9. The men can come afterward (with a truck, of course) to pick up the gifts.

10. If you don't go, it is absolutely scandalous and they WILL talk about you for years to come. Totally not worth it to miss.

 

And they are always great fun - its like an enormous knitting circle!

[LG Gone Wild]

So, my youngest brother's wife is expecting their first child. And I just got an invitation, along with 74 other FAMILIES, to a baby shower that they are throwing for themselves! We are talking about upwards of 200 people here! It's at a church that they attend but are not joining. And they ask for specific items in the invitation, while providing registry information at two websites for our purchasing pleasure.

 

My mind is boggling.

 

Based on your post, that just seems so downright greedy. If you can't get out of it, go cheap, don't use the registry, and stuff yourself on snacks.

 

OR

 

You could be gracious, bring a modest gift, and stay for only 30 minutes. (But what's the fun in that? snigger)

[Greta]

Veering slightly off topic here . . .

 

I hope this doesn't offend anyone, but I really want to know, am I the only one who feels put out by being invited to multiple baby showers for the same baby??? Maybe this is just a local thing because I never experienced it any of the other places that I lived, but many of my friends here have invited me to, and actually expected me to attend, more than one shower for the same pregnancy!

 

Let me explain -- if you have friends/family in different parts of the country, I completely and totally understand having two different showers. But the invitation list would be different! That's not what's happening here. The same people are being invited to both showers. I don't honestly know what the intention is, but it strikes me as shameless attempts to maximize the gifts. What gives?

[abreakfromlife]

am I the only one who feels put out by being invited to multiple baby showers for the same baby???

In my best Stephanie Tanner voice, "how rude!"

[jujsky]

Are they catering lunch, or is it a potluck? Check i/ there is a charge to attend, too. ;)

 

:lol:

[mirth]

Well, it is a shower afterall. They are asking you to shower a person (a baby, in this case) with gifts. That's what a shower is. So they asked a lot of people to go. You can always decline.

 

At least they did not issue a non-shower event invitation (e.g. wedding, birthday) where the simple honor of your presence is implied to be insufficient by tucking in a gift registry info as well.

[Carol in Cal.]

At least they did not issue a non-shower event invitation (e.g. wedding, birthday) where the simple honor of your presence is implied to be insufficient by tucking in a gift registry info as well.

 

But generally the loving friends host a shower--not the recipients! Who ever hosts a party in their own honor?

 

And registry information should never be included in an invitation--it should be requested as part of the RSVP discussion, and then provided in response.

[Carol in Cal.]

Veering slightly off topic here . . .

 

I hope this doesn't offend anyone, but I really want to know, am I the only one who feels put out by being invited to multiple baby showers for the same baby??? Maybe this is just a local thing because I never experienced it any of the other places that I lived, but many of my friends here have invited me to, and actually expected me to attend, more than one shower for the same pregnancy!

 

Let me explain -- if you have friends/family in different parts of the country, I completely and totally understand having two different showers. But the invitation list would be different! That's not what's happening here. The same people are being invited to both showers. I don't honestly know what the intention is, but it strikes me as shameless attempts to maximize the gifts. What gives?

 

If a few people are in several different circles of friends together, there might be multiple showers to which they are invited--for instance, the church baby shower and the neighborhood reading group baby shower might have several overlapping invitees. However, I think that most of the time, for instance, if there are two PTA showers, the hostesses should graciously combine them and cohost a combined one.

[Danestress]

But generally the loving friends host a shower--not the recipients! Who ever hosts a party in their own honor?

 

And registry information should never be included in an invitation--it should be requested as part of the RSVP discussion, and then provided in response.

 

As sister in law, YOU should be hosting those 74 families!

[LizzyBee]

Veering slightly off topic here . . .

 

I hope this doesn't offend anyone, but I really want to know, am I the only one who feels put out by being invited to multiple baby showers for the same baby??? Maybe this is just a local thing because I never experienced it any of the other places that I lived, but many of my friends here have invited me to, and actually expected me to attend, more than one shower for the same pregnancy!

 

Let me explain -- if you have friends/family in different parts of the country, I completely and totally understand having two different showers. But the invitation list would be different! That's not what's happening here. The same people are being invited to both showers. I don't honestly know what the intention is, but it strikes me as shameless attempts to maximize the gifts. What gives?

 

When that happens to me, I just assume that the people giving one shower don't have the guest list for the other shower. No big deal.

[Dayle in Guatemala]

Veering slightly off topic here . . .

 

I hope this doesn't offend anyone, but I really want to know, am I the only one who feels put out by being invited to multiple baby showers for the same baby??? Maybe this is just a local thing because I never experienced it any of the other places that I lived, but many of my friends here have invited me to, and actually expected me to attend, more than one shower for the same pregnancy!

 

Let me explain -- if you have friends/family in different parts of the country, I completely and totally understand having two different showers. But the invitation list would be different! That's not what's happening here. The same people are being invited to both showers. I don't honestly know what the intention is, but it strikes me as shameless attempts to maximize the gifts. What gives?

 

 

For my first baby I had mulitple showers--one for work, one for family, one for church, and one for friends. NONE of the guests overlapped and the showers were thrown by others--not me and I certainly didn't give the impression that I expected one from anyone. It just worked out that way. I did have friends who overlapped as far as being able to attend the friend one or the work one, or the church one and the friend one, but, I made sure that they knew that I didn't expect them to attend and I certainly didn't expect a gift at each shower if they came to more than one.

 

When I get invited to more than one shower, I pick one and go to that one.

[ConnieB]

Then with all those people there they won't even miss you. :sneaky2:

 

 

I LOVE the way you think.

[gardening momma]

As sister in law, YOU should be hosting those 74 families!

Any chance no family member offered to give them a shower? Did you offer? Her mother/aunt/other female relatives?

[Guest Katia]

Funny: I posted this exact same topic last year. My nephew and his wife hosted a baby shower for themselves and their third baby. I was....aghast.

 

People on here told me if I didn't want to celebrate that baby's life, then I didn't have to go.....sheesh.

 

I had no intentions on going. I only attend 'first' baby showers, but I celebrate all life by sending gifts for subsequent babies; after they are born.

 

But the point was that is was so unbelievably inappropriate to host a party in your own honor. I'm glad to see that the majority here now think so too...amazing what a year can do, LOL.

 

I'm not glad to hear that others are activity hosting in their own honor; I honestly thought it was only my young nephew/wife that were so totally classless. (clueless?)

[ConnieB]

Hmmm, I never had a shower for any of my kids....not that friends/mom didn't want to give me one, but I was just not comfortable with the whole concept that seems only about gifts. Instead, once said baby was born we invited friends over for dinner and to meet the newest addition.....while we never expected gifts, they almost always brought something. The best guests however, also brought a small something for the older kids, so they didn't resent baby, lol.

 

Hmmmm, I wonder, would it be tacky for me to have a shower NOW.....after all my first born just turned teen and well, we have a lot more clothing needs NOW than we did when she was born, lol.

[Carol in Cal.]

As sister in law, YOU should be hosting those 74 families!

 

The assumption is that if you host one for yourself or for your own family member, you're trolling for presents. But if you are outside the family, you are a loving, interested third party with no ulterior motives -- just abundant generosity.

[Carol in Cal.]

 

Hmmmm, I wonder, would it be tacky for me to have a shower NOW.....after all my first born just turned teen and well, we have a lot more clothing needs NOW than we did when she was born, lol.

 

Definitely! Do it! It will give us all something to talk about!

[nukeswife]

The assumption is that if you host one for yourself or for your own family member, you're trolling for presents. But if you are outside the family, you are a loving, interested third party with no ulterior motives -- just abundant generosity.

 

If it's only supposed to be given by a friend then I would have never had one. Where I grew up the tradition was that it was given by the two soon to be grandmothers (so your and dh's moms)

 

No I didn't host my own, but my mom did (my mil didn't want to be involved, after all she never wanted me to marry her son anyway)

Edited January 5, 2010 by nukeswife

[Danestress]

The assumption is that if you host one for yourself or for your own family member, you're trolling for presents. But if you are outside the family, you are a loving, interested third party with no ulterior motives -- just abundant generosity.

 

that a sister-in-law can host a shower but a sister can not. I think that's what she would say. We don't have brothers, but I think a sister-in-law is different from a sister.

 

But I was kidding of course. 74 families? I wouldn't have 74 families to one party on a bet.

[TravelingChris]

We went to a shower for a later child of our army chaplain. We were all overseas and I don't think they were expecting this one. Their youngest was ten or 11 and I am so certain they didn't bring baby items overseas even if they still had some in storage, unavailable to them until they moved back. It was not given by them but by one of the attendees of the chapel.

 

I hadn't had nor have I been invited to a second or third or whatever number other than first baby shower. I did receive some gifts after the birth with numbers two and three.

[Carol in Cal.]

If it's only supposed to be given by a friend then I would have never had one. Where I grew up the tradition was that it was given by the two soon to be grandmothers (so your and dh's moms)

 

No I didn't host my own, but my mom did (my mil didn't want to be involved, after all she never wanted me to marry her son anyway)

 

Bridal showers--work--arranged by a colleague. Personal--arranged by my godmother. (My mom would have swooned at the idea of arranging this herself.) (As would my grandmother have.)

 

Baby showers--Recorder group--arranged by the leader. Weaving guild--arranged by the president. Work--arranged by a colleague. I was just switching churches, and some folks from the choir and women's group at the new church gave us presents, but there was no shower. My old realtor wanted to throw a baby shower for me, but she asked for names and addresses of who to invite, and I didn't feel comfortable giving her all that private invitation, so I declined. (She was a friend, too--it wasn't totally ulterior, but I just felt uncomfortable.) We invited a lot of people to the baptism, and then went around after church and asked them to come over to the house for lunch. That way they didn't feel obligated to bring a gift. (The out of towners were invited in advance by mail, and most of them brought gifts. We did not open them then and there, though, because of the mix.)

[Carol in Cal.]

 

But I was kidding of course. 74 families? I wouldn't have 74 families to one party on a bet.

 

I knew you were kidding! Too funny!

I would be embarrassed to troll for presents in any form, but especially like this. Ugh.

[LizzyBee]

The assumption is that if you host one for yourself or for your own family member, you're trolling for presents. But if you are outside the family, you are a loving, interested third party with no ulterior motives -- just abundant generosity.

 

Wow, I've been to a lot of showers given by sisters. I truly don't see any reason why that is considered unacceptable. I mean, it's not as though the sisters are going to benefit from the gifts.

[Corraleno]

At least they did not issue a non-shower event invitation (e.g. wedding, birthday) where the simple honor of your presence is implied to be insufficient by tucking in a gift registry info as well.

 

I received a wedding invitation once that not only included all the registry info, the couple expressed a preference for cash. And the kicker is that this was the bride's THIRD marriage, and the groom's second, and they had been living together for about 6 years. Since they already owned every possible household item and kitchen gadget, the things on their registry were all luxury items ~ hence the suggestion that cash would really be best. Unreal.

 

Jackie

[Carol in Cal.]

I received a wedding invitation once that not only included all the registry info, the couple expressed a preference for cash. And the kicker is that this was the bride's THIRD marriage, and the groom's second, and they had been living together for about 6 years. Since they already owned every possible household item and kitchen gadget, the things on their registry were all luxury items ~ hence the suggestion that cash would really be best. Unreal.

 

Jackie

 

:svengo:

 

......it's the only response that seems to fit.

[Denise in Florida]

I would raise the umbrella of mercy and attend the party with whatever gift I would normally have given any way.

 

Some people really don't know what is okay and what isn't. If I liked these people, and hopefully I would since they are family, I would write it off as inexperience/misinformation rather than infer poor motivations.

[Carol in Cal.]

I would raise the umbrella of mercy and attend the party with whatever gift I would normally have given any way.

 

Some people really don't know what is okay and what isn't. If I liked these people, and hopefully I would since they are family, I would write it off as inexperience/misinformation rather than infer poor motivations.

 

My brother KNOWS BETTER, though! He was raised IN THE FAMILY by the same mother who would have FAINTED at the idea of throwing a shower for one of her own children!

 

Still, I will at least send a gift. I have a conflict the day of, but I'm going to try to change that.

 

IMV, part of being polite is failing to call attention to others' impoliteness. (But that doesn't mean I can't swoon over it here at the Hive!)

[Denise in Florida]

 

IMV, part of being polite is failing to call attention to others' impoliteness. (But that doesn't mean I can't swoon over it here at the Hive!)

 

 

Yes, it is great to have a place like the Hive, isn't it. :001_smile:

[angela in ohio]

What gets me is the assumption that everyone has a *right* to a shower. A shower is supposed to be a surprise party thrown by a friend or a sweet aunt to shower you with gifts. Then when you say, "You guys really didn't have to do all this!" you should mean it. :D Now it is some sort of weird collective parenting practice where no one buys their own baby stuff anymore, but they pass the hat when they have their first (or second... or third...) child.

 

I have to share my tacky party story. We went to a combined "thank you"/ birthday party. It was a potluck. So we brought a gift and a dish to a party to thank us for helping a family out. :001_huh:

[Carol in Cal.]

What gets me is the assumption that everyone has a *right* to a shower. A shower is supposed to be a surprise party thrown by a friend or a sweet aunt to shower you with gifts. Then when you say, "You guys really didn't have to do all this!" you should mean it. :D Now it is some sort of weird collective parenting practice where no one buys their own baby stuff anymore, but they pass the hat when they have their first (or second... or third...) child.

 

I have to share my tacky party story. We went to a combined "thank you"/ birthday party. It was a potluck. So we brought a gift and a dish to a party to thank us for helping a family out. :001_huh:

 

Boggle...

[gardening momma]

I hadn't had nor have I been invited to a second or third or whatever number other than first baby shower.

There was a baby shower that I was unable to attend but sent some gifts--it was for the 7th baby. This baby was unexpected; the parents thought they were done with #6 and had given away all their girls' baby & toddler clothes & baby equipment (#1 & #6 were boys, #2-5 were girls). I had been given about 10 trash bags full of clothes, and others had been given quite a bit as well. This shower was a surprise shower and the couple didn't know about it. We gave them new clothes & baby equipment and returned some of the things they had given us.

[chaik76]

But generally the loving friends host a shower--not the recipients! Who ever hosts a party in their own honor?

 

And registry information should never be included in an invitation--it should be requested as part of the RSVP discussion, and then provided in response.

I know lots of people who host their own showers now. And actually, I appreciate registry information in the invite...I usually don't go to showers...but I do send gifts. And I like to get them from a registry because I want to get them something they'll like. There's absolutely no point in getting someone something they won't use.

[gardening momma]

My brother KNOWS BETTER, though! He was raised IN THE FAMILY by the same mother who would have FAINTED at the idea of throwing a shower for one of her own children!

Sometimes guys are totally oblivious to things like that.

[LibraryLover]

I have a friend from Columbia and big parties like that are not unheard of for babies & parents etc. Perhaps this is more cultural? I know there are many 'ethnic' clubs near here which cater to large family parties like this. When I was a teenager, I used to waitress at a cultural club and it was not unusual for there to be 200 people at baptismal luncheons, or showers. A lot them really were like weddings.

 

Gift registries aren't new, but I think they should be word of mouth rather than printed in with invitations.

Edited January 5, 2010 by LibraryLover