farmmom4him Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 I find that many threads posted here, become harsh debates, that take away from the original post. To the point that the 2nd page of a thread has nothing to do with the original post. The debates end up not having anything to solidify the viewpoints, but are just saying I am right, you are wrong, why don't you get it. I mean if I ask a question about something, or post something I recently found out, I want the thread to stick to what I posted about it, and not have to weed through 20 posts that are debating over who is right about some other topic. Am I the only one bothered by this? Is the majority of the posters here looking for arguments? Just wondering, and yes, I know this will most likely end up in a debate, but back your debate with solid information!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BikeBookBread Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 I'm not sure "why" the debate often digresses so quickly, but it does bother me. I'm not one to shrink from a fight, either. I have come to trust much of the knowledge on this board...what an amazing group of people all of you are! I have learned so much here in past few months. I think my dh is tired of hearing me say, "I was on the WTM Boards today and...." but now he suggests that I POST here if I have a question about something. I have learned that I will no longer (unless I am desperate) start a thread here related to any of the following: religion, old earth creation, young earth creation, evolution, spanking, not spanking, grace-based parenting, attachment parenting, free range kids, etc... (but I do READ these, and sometimes chime-in) unless it it is specifically related to a curriculum question (I have asked about old earth creation curriculum before, and received good answers. I specifically asked for no debate, and information only.) I will start a thread here for quick answers on: how to clean a spaghetti sauce stain off of my Princess Duckie Girl's favorite dress, a recipe for lime garlic salsa, information about a medication, how to relieve sinus pressure, natural migraine remedies, etc. I will also post here when I need a virtual hug when my girls are driving me insane. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTMCassandra Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 It's easy to misunderstand one another's tones and attitudes online. In addition, many of us are probably not used to dealing IRL with so many different viewpoints, and so many tend to post naively assuming that people will be thinking the same way. I just stay away from divisive threads and glean what is good (the vast majority of posts). Honestly, this board has far fewer problems than many other forums that I have seen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 I have learned that I will no longer (unless I am desperate) start a thread here related to any of the following: religion, old earth creation, young earth creation, evolution, spanking, not spanking, grace-based parenting, attachment parenting, free range kids, etc... (but I do READ these, and sometimes chime-in) unless it it is specifically related to a curriculum question (I have asked about old earth creation curriculum before, and received good answers. I specifically asked for no debate, and information only.) The problem is you can never tell what will devolve here. I have seen some of the strangest topics become free for all brawls - the most memorable of these being the shoes or not thread. :tongue_smilie: And this is exactly how it happens. I am responding to your post not the OP's. Someone could resond to my post and lead this even farther astray. The conversations here are much like the ones in real life, they are very organic and wander where they will until eventually we don't even remember how the conversation started. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 What about that thread about boys peeing sitting down. That one got down right vicious! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 It's easy to misunderstand one another's tones and attitudes online. In addition, many of us are probably not used to dealing IRL with so many different viewpoints, and so many tend to post naively assuming that people will be thinking the same way. :iagree: I actually think this board is generally pretty nice and therefore the harsher threads stand out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BikeBookBread Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 And this is exactly how it happens. I am responding to your post not the OP's. Someone could resond to my post and lead this even farther astray. The conversations here are much like the ones in real life, they are very organic and wander where they will until eventually we don't even remember how the conversation started. Good observation. I guess it's the same basis for the advice that was once given me (in my work days) to never send any information that could be misconstrued as remotely confrontational via e-mail. Face to face communication is so much more nuanced and natural. I can have discussions with friends regarding controversial topics (mostly within Christian circles) and remain friends because we can read each others' body language. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 My mother would say "Not enough exercise". I can just hear her.:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 My mother would say "Not enough exercise". I can just hear her.:D By exercise did she mean tea? :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 I think it's being defensive because some people can't stand the idea that their own beliefs would be misunderstood or insulted. I have come to learn that if something causes me to feel defensive, it's usually an idea or belief that needs changing. And of course, some people are just plain mean and want to fight to make themselves look superior. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacie Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 The type of threads I find most entertaining are those that seem to be asking for an opinion, when in actuality they've already made up their mind and are just asking for opinions that confirm this. Each follow up post to the original that disagrees is subject to either defense tactics or pouting. Of course I tend to ignore the more controversial posts and amuse myself with the more fun ones! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 The type of threads I find most entertaining are those that seem to be asking for an opinion, when in actuality they've already made up their mind and are just asking for opinions that confirm this. Each follow up post to the original that disagrees is subject to either defense tactics or pouting. On a board I used to be on we solved this problem by creating a "Just Agree With Me" forum where you were *not allowed* to disagree. People took umbrage at first but it quickly gained in popularity for specific issues. It really helped a lot. :D eta: maybe we could have a "gentleman's agreement" of sorts to put "JAWM" on threads where we don't actually want to solicit opinions, only sympathy or solidarity? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcconnellboys Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 It didn't use to be that way. It seems to me that during the last presidential elections, things escalated and at least some folks became polarized. Many now seem to recall the things said from that time, hold grudges, and look for any excuse to argue with someone they've labeled as an "other".... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BikeBookBread Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 It didn't use to be that way. It seems to me that during the last presidential elections, things escalated and at least some folks became polarized. Many now seem to recall the things said from that time, hold grudges, and look for any excuse to argue with someone they've labeled as an "other".... "Other" -- sounds like the Lost island :) So, do we have a "Jacob" running the show? :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sleepymommy Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 By exercise did she mean tea? :lol: :lol::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosy Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 This board is actually way better than another board I've been on (a scrapbooking message board, of all things). Here at least I think the majority of people are making their points logically and with an appropriate amount of emotion. Ironically, I think it was the 2004 election that dragged that one down. I think people will say things online that they won't say anywhere else, and there's no real conversation--people can say what they want and they don't have to listen unless they want to. There's not the same benefit of the doubt we tend to give people we know. It's just opinions without faces. There are no real consequences for alienating or offending someone on a message board. The only real solution is heavier moderation...but of course there are consequences with that, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stripe Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 This board is actually way better than another board I've been on (a scrapbooking message board, of all things). ! Scary. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5KidzRUs Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 I thought it was because we are in the third stage of the trivium. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan Wise Bauer Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 Oh, people, please keep this thread polite...it would just be too embarrassing to delete it. :tongue_smilie: SWB Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BikeBookBread Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 Oh, people, please keep this thread polite...it would just be too embarrassing to delete it. :tongue_smilie: SWB I DID NOT mean to imply you are "Jacob" from Lost!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kamom Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 I've noticed, wondered, and concluded we must have a bunch of really opinionated folks around here:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angela in ohio Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 By exercise did she mean tea? :lol: That'll take the quarrel right out of ya'! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 We all come into these threads with our own experiences that might not match the OPs experiences at all. For example, I started a thread once about my mother-in-law, who is a sweetie pie. She wasn't "getting" why I homeschool and I was asking how to deal with that. I received all sorts of bad advice, even up to suggesting that I cut off all ties with her. Sheesh! She's one of the best people I know! It'd be like kicking a puppy if I were to have followed some of the advice given on how to deal with my problem with my mil. The people who responded might have horrible MILs and were advising my based on their personal knowledge of MILs. However, my MIL is one of the nicest women you'll ever meet, so it didn't apply to my situation. Like a PP said, I'm learning what things NOT to mention EVER in threads. MILs are high on my list! (Along with shoes/no shoes.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 Oh, people, please keep this thread polite...it would just be too embarrassing to delete it. :tongue_smilie: SWB :lol: I DID NOT mean to imply you are "Jacob" from Lost!!!!!! I don't think your post implied that, at all! LOL That'll take the quarrel right out of ya'! :D If I'm getting too feisty my hubby is probably out of town. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 The problem is you can never tell what will devolve here. I have seen some of the strangest topics become free for all brawls - the most memorable of these being the shoes or not thread. :tongue_smilie: well, I asked the simple question about taking off shoes or not, and it got so ugly, and I was attacked, and I just was SHOCKED at it all as it was happening! This during the time I was caring for my ill/dying mother in my home, and that was known by my question about removing shoes in the first place. I mean people had me all figured out from a few posts about shoes, then kicked me while I was down! It was shocking. Still is! And since I posted the above, I'm not going to be coming back to this thread! I, personally, rarely get involved in hot topic threads. Sometimes I read a new post from a new person here and cringe, knowing how that simple question will be misconstrued. I have privately encouraged people not to leave this board because of the treatment they received. For the most part, everyone here is full of knowledge and wants to help and discuss. That's why I value this board. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan Wise Bauer Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 I DID NOT mean to imply you are "Jacob" from Lost!!!!!! Didn't even occur to me. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spy Car Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 If I'm getting too feisty my hubby is probably out of town. How many years has he been deployed? :D It's a joke Bill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 Why do simple threads on this board become a harsh debate so often? Because there is an impassable chasm between ideologies on this board. It's not a nicey-nice little living room get together. I don't know why anyone would expect a public forum to be a homogenous coffee clatch. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 Honestly, it's the nature of message boards. It's nothing more, nothing less than human dynamics played out online. There are some nuances specific to online interaction. Trolls are unheard of in person, and pot stirring greatly reduced. However, online extremes tend to include those comfortable with spirited interaction and what I (snarkily) call the "nice police". Most posters fall somewhere in between. For a board with history, like this one (and some of us predate this board), there are interactions and dynamics that are present that newer players might not be aware of. I would say that homeschoolers are a self select group in that we are going to be predictably passionate about parenting issues, political issues, educational issues. But spiritedness and conflict have been present on all boards I've been on, watched or known of. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 How many years has he been deployed? :D It's a joke Bill :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snickerdoodle Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 This thread has been rated only one star and it doesn't even have any tags. Imagine! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 Honestly, it's the nature of message boards. It's nothing more, nothing less than human dynamics played out online. There are some nuances specific to online interaction. Trolls are unheard of in person, and pot stirring greatly reduced. However, online extremes tend to include those comfortable with spirited interaction and what I (snarkily) call the "nice police". Most posters fall somewhere in between. I agree but there is another piece of this. In real life we are more likely to let something go in order to keep the peace. When things are in print I think it's harder to let those things go. For a board with history, like this one (and some of us predate this board), there are interactions and dynamics that are present that newer players might not be aware of. I agree. I was on the old board (off and on since I before started homeschooling in 2000) and there were disagreements there all the time. The disagreeing certainly didn't start with the most recent election. :confused: On the other hand, I will say there are people (who have sent me PMs) who seem to think I've chosen some sort of "side." I am honestly not very good at tracking who is who, who said what or who was on what side in any given debate. In fact, I've been known to pick on my own side of a debate when I think their logic is faulty. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tangerine Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 This thread has been rated only one star and it doesn't even have any tags. Imagine! there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 On the other hand, I will say there are people (who have sent me PMs) who seem to think I've chosen some sort of "side." I am honestly not very good at tracking who is who, who said what or who was on what side in any given debate. In fact, I've been known to pick on my own side of a debate when I think their logic is faulty. I get this a lot. It's rare that I track persons/posters, their opinions, their posts and rarely how they react to *me* personally. I can't think of any poster on currently this board that I've interacted with on purpose due to their viewpoint but I've gotten hurt/angry PMs about how "I always" or "I never". In my case, I only use my (precious little) posting time for threads that interest me: parenting, certain homeschooling issues, discipline, divorce/marriage, boundaries. These are of course intimate topics. I can see where my posting might seem to suggest a perspective on life and in person interaction. But it's a skewed picture; I only participate in threads of interest to me and the hyper focus and intensity just isn't present in real life. I do have a high direct (some say confrontive) style and i *don't* do chatty threads often. This is direct opposition to some posting styles. As such, I've never understood "why can't we all get along" threads. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 I do have a high direct (some say confrontive) style and i *don't* do chatty threads often. This is direct opposition to some posting styles. As such, I've never understood "why can't we all get along" threads. Hm, I do a lot of chatty threads but when I'm passionate about an issue I have no problem being confrontational/direct/whatever you want to call it. I don't think being chatty part of the time helps, is what I'm saying. Am I making sense? I think I've had too much caffeine today. Going back to the biggest homeschool issue poll-I think finding a balance between too much caffeine and not enough is my biggest difficulty. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colleen Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 Because there is an impassable chasm between ideologies on this board. It's not a nicey-nice little living room get together. I don't know why anyone would expect a public forum to be a homogenous coffee clatch. What the heck are you saying?! I totally disagree!!! Not really. But you knew that. Another reality is that when you start a thread on an online message board, you don't own that thread. Rabbit trails ~ heated or not ~ may very well occur. C'est la vie. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in WI Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 Another reality is that when you start a thread on an online message board, you don't own that thread. Rabbit trails ~ heated or not ~ may very well occur. C'est la vie. It does annoy me a little, however, when this happens. I wish they'd start their own thread instead of hijacking mine (or the one I was interested in!). I'm not sure why the threads so often go off kilter lately. I do remember this happening on the old boards, but maybe not as often as they do now. Some posters do seem to thrive on the controversial threads and inserting controversy into threads. And, then beating the controversy they inserted to DEATH. I think they must have boring lives. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EKS Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 Two reasons. It's a public message board. People have opinions and things digress. There are also some fairly polarized opinions here. Homeschoolers in general tend to fall into to two groups (and this is a generalization borne out by research): conservative Christians and liberal types. It's no wonder there are debates here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 There are also some fairly polarized opinions here. Homeschoolers in general tend to fall into to two groups (and this is a generalization borne out by research): conservative Christians and liberal types. Very, very true. My husband is always commenting that all of my friends are either hippies or Jesus freaks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colleen Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 My husband is always commenting that all of my friends are either hippies or Jesus freaks. Which one am I?:tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janet in WA Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 Well, I'll say it. It's because there are certain personalities here who cause it and perpetuate it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen in CO Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 I think I've had too much caffeine today. Going back to the biggest homeschool issue poll-I think finding a balance between too much caffeine and not enough is my biggest difficulty. Too much caffeine? is that even possible? This morning on the way to work, I took the girls to the candy store and bought myself a big bag of dark chocolate coffee beans because I couldn't decide between coffee and candy. Now I have both, but I need a cup of coffee to go with them. :D Oh and if you are wondering, I took the kids to my office with me because hubby scheduled a meeting on his day off. So of course, I filled them with sugar before he picked them up. :lol: As for homeschooling, I couldn't possibly homeschool without a pot or two of coffee. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 Which one am I?:tongue_smilie: Yes. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vida Winter Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 Maybe it is because many of us feel our freedoms are being stepped on and abused by the current political administration. Normally mild-mannered people who would never dream of participating in heated discussions find themselves compelled to speak up. It is not in my nature to be disagreeable. But when coaxed with a cattle prod I will shout. It is not just on this board. Look around your town - it is happening everywhere. I try to stay out of it but sometimes I just can't help it. It is hard to get excited about a new recipe or curriculum when our constitution is being picked apart and our rights eroded on a daily basis. Battle lines are being drawn and sides are being chosen. These are certainly interesting times. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 Well, I'll say it. It's because there are certain personalities here who cause it and perpetuate it. This is the funniest thing I've read all day, given the context. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slartibartfast Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 *chortles merrily* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janet in WA Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 This is the funniest thing I've read all day, given the context.Glad I could give you a laugh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slartibartfast Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 Too much caffeine? is that even possible? This morning on the way to work, I took the girls to the candy store and bought myself a big bag of dark chocolate coffee beans because I couldn't decide between coffee and candy. Now I have both, but I need a cup of coffee to go with them. :D Oh and if you are wondering, I took the kids to my office with me because hubby scheduled a meeting on his day off. So of course, I filled them with sugar before he picked them up. :lol: As for homeschooling, I couldn't possibly homeschool without a pot or two of coffee. Do you mean you are buzzing so bad your chair is vibrating? :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colleen Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 Yes. :lol: Drat! And here I thought I was finally going to fit into a box...:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spy Car Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 This is the funniest thing I've read all day, given the context. :lol::lol::lol: Wait for it, wait for it...there it is :D Bill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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