I just deactivated my Facebook/slight CC

[BikeBookBread]

After "threatening" for several months, I finally deactivated my Facebook account. I posted a message for 24 full hours indicating that I would be doing so. I had only one inquiry from my 170 "friends". Hmmm. Kind of makes me think that my choice wasn't such a bad one.

 

Here were my reasons as I composed in a message to the one friend who asked why:

 

1) DH asked me to. He really has problems with the privacy issues. I'm being obedient. This one is really enough for me. (PLEASE - don't make this a thread debating obedience to husbands...)

2) I've made no real connections with friends that I didn't already make in real life. the new or "re-acquaintance friendships" were all on an extremely surface, drive-by friendship sort of way.

3) It had been a time management/stewardship issue for me in the past, kind of like TV.

4) Privacy, or what we think of as privacy, is not really privacy. I thought I had set my privacy settings on the most-strict level, but discovered on Monday that it was not the case. A non-"friend" (someone with possible malicious intent, in fact) wrote on my Wall because a NOTE was posted -- not a wall post, but a NOTE post (it's a different application and therefore had different privacy rules I didn't know about). My blog posts were feeds from my blog, posted as Notes using the Notes application, if that makes any sense at all.

5) I just felt compelled to. I didn't need it before this spring, why did I need it now? I still keep in touch with people other ways. I'm was just tired of it all...

 

Has anyone else dumped their Facebook? Has anyone who is now on Facebook encouraged someone NOT to join? I'd just like to hear other people's experiences. If you did dump Facebook, did you ever hear from those "long lost friends" again? (Mostly friends from grade, jr. high and high school, former churches, former Bases, etc.)

[gingersmom]

I joined for about 5 seconds.

 

I still can't figure out the point of it.

[amy g.]

I like Facebook to easily contact my close friends that I see all of the time. I hate talking on the phone, so it is an easy way for me to say, "I'm bringing your kid home in 15 minutes." or ask "What am I doing wrong in this algebra problem?"

 

I did connect with one friend from Jr. High who has now visited me twice from California. If I deactivated my account, she would still keep in touch with me.

 

I connected with a friend from Highschool who has visited me twice from Pennsylvania.

 

Others I would probably lose track of again.

 

I don't play the Facebook games.

 

For me it saves time, because I don't get stuck on the phone for hours "visiting".

[mommylawyer]

I've actually enjoyed being on Facebook. My reconnections have been fun and supportive and have meant quite a bit to me. For example, a distant cousin of mine found me on FB and our families are getting together this weekend; and two weeks ago, while we were on vacation, we met up with a friend of mine from high school - a friend I haven't seen in YEARS!!! I also have some acquaintance-type "friends" who have actually passed on information about goings-on in our local community that relate to homeschoolers that I had NO IDEA about.

 

I suppose everyone's FB experiences are different. If I feel that someone has "collected" me as a friend, I defriend them. If they just want me to rack up their number of friends, then they don't really need me. I don't take (many of) the quizzes or play games, and I limit the time I spend on the site.

 

I'll say this though - Kudos to you for realizing it plays no part in your life! I guess our experiences have been different.

[Mommyof4ks]

I finally joined, because no one I know uses the phone anymore lol. There are no long lost friends that I have found just people I used to talk to on the phone. Many of us homeschool and no one wants to call and disturb anyone so we keep in touch this way.

 

If it is not for you then good for you for deactivating. I still don't understand the point of cell phones unless I have a flat tire, but others use them all the time. To each is own.

[Rosie_0801]

I've only just got on after resisting for years, now my sister has moved to Kenya. I don't use my actual surname though. I don't want to talk to people from high school. We weren't friends!!

 

Good for you. :)

Rosie

[fivetails]

I use it a fair bit these days - and twitter as well. FB is an easy way to keep in touch with family back east (chatter, share pics,etc) ~ & I find a lot of the little applications fun to mess around with-I've been making little Flair buttons lately; it's amusing. :D

[elegantlion]

I thought I wouldn't like facebook, but I do. I try not to spend too much time on there, but I view it as frivolous fun. I have gotten in contact with some people I've been missing over the years. One reason I opened the account was that I would be familiar with it if/when ds decides he'd like an account. That way I'd know the ins and outs and he gets to be my "friend".

 

I understand the privacy issue for some. I tend to keep in mind what I'm writing when I post and not divulge anything I wouldn't want friends from high school (25 years ago) or my former pastors to know.

[joannqn]

Has anyone else dumped their Facebook? Has anyone who is now on Facebook encouraged someone NOT to join? I'd just like to hear other people's experiences. If you did dump Facebook, did you ever hear from those "long lost friends" again? (Mostly friends from grade, jr. high and high school, former churches, former Bases, etc.)

 

It has been mostly a positive experience for me. I have found some of my old classmates from high school and, other than curiosity as to what they are doing, it hasn't amounted to much.

 

However, DH has connected with old high school friends. They've enjoyed talking about old times and what they are doing now. One of those friends sent us a $50 gift card for Madelynn...the most generous gift out of the three baby gifts we have received for her. This same person intends to send us her daughter's clothes when she's done with them; she says they'll probably be good for Madelynn next summer. I'm hoping to meet this old friend of DH's some day as I haven't experienced such generosity from anyone before.

 

DH has also been getting into contact with his father's side of the family, who live clear on the other side of the country. He's had pretty much no contact with them before this. In fact, his sister, who cut the family off (since before we married 12 years ago) his now both his and my friend. I think he's really enjoying getting to know his bio father's family even though he didn't know his bio father.

 

We also "know" a couple from both Twitter and Facebook. We really enjoy chatting as a foursome. We all hope to meet some day. They may think it is a joke, but they have a very serious invitation to join us for Thanksgiving if they should wish to make the long journey from southern CA to WA.

 

On a negative side, I know someone (lives 2 blocks away) whom I ignore her friend requests. After learning what kind of person she really is, I just won't let her get that close again. Plus, she apparently spams her Facebook friends with politics the opposite of which I believe.

Edited August 12, 2009 by joannqn

[milovany]

I've had the opposite experience -- it's becoming such a part of the way I handle my Internet time, that I've been paring down on other things (email, discussion boards, etc.). I love Facebook and the features it offers. I don't do any of the quizzes/apps (well, hardly any); I just use it to connect with people. Love it.

[Garga]

I joined and then quit after a couple of months. It made me feel lonely.

 

To me it seemed like any real, deep friendships were being replaced by 1 or 2 jaunty sentences a day. I guess I'm too wordy, but having to keep my comments to just a line or two felt forced. I ended up neglecting my friendships IRL and the 1 or 2 sentences a day as a substitute wasn't cutting it.

 

That was my experience, but I think I'm in the minority.

[creekmom]

I feel a lot like you do about fb. There are only 3 (out of over 100) people that I am glad I got back in touch with - the rest of my "friends" don't mean much to me! I've had several people request a friendship, and then when I wrote something on their wall (a question about how they're doing etc.), I never heard back from them!! I'm wondering what the point is for those people!! So much of it makes me feel like I'm in high school again.. :tongue_smilie: The more I think about it, the more I want to close my account too! I was just fine without all those people in my life a few months ago!!! It feels like a big superficial waste of my time.

[Janet in WA]

Sounds like you've made the right choice for you and your family. For me and my family, however, Facebook has been a real treat. We've reconnected, and deepened connections, with friends and family all over the world. We share vacations, weddings, the birth of children, you name it. Dh and I are having dinner tonight with a friend whom we haven't seen since high school (30+ years ago). We live about as far from her as it's possible to live without leaving the continental US (FL and WA), and thanks to Facebook, we reconnected two weeks ago and learned that she was making a business trip to our town this week. A neat opportunity that would never have happened without Facebook. We've even reconnected with friends from our elementary and jr. high years. Best of all, our family (including 3 grown sons) who live all over the country share our daily lives through pictures, joking, serious conversations, etc. Our sons are now close to their cousins whom they hardly even knew before because of the distance. I could go on and on, but I've got to check my Facebook now!

Edited August 12, 2009 by Janet in WA

[Heather in the Kootenays]

I joined and then quit after a couple of months. It made me feel lonely.

 

I felt the same way - it seemed superficial not how I wanted to maintain contact with my IRL friends.

[katemary63]

I LOVE facebook! I am 800 miles from many of my friends and most of my family. On Facebook, I can see what's up with everyone including my oldest daughter. It's fun and only takes a couple of minutes a day. I check it once and read the latest posts, post one of my own and go on. I don't play any of the games and rarely take a quiz. I also LOVE seeing everyone's pictures. I think it's great.

[dragons in the flower bed]

Has anyone else dumped their Facebook? Has anyone who is now on Facebook encouraged someone NOT to join? I'd just like to hear other people's experiences. If you did dump Facebook, did you ever hear from those "long lost friends" again? (Mostly friends from grade, jr. high and high school, former churches, former Bases, etc.)

 

I deactivated my account. I found it too difficult to find a voice I could use with homeschooling acquaintances, aunts and cousins, and poet colleagues of my partners all at once. It was a composition nightmare. Every status update was to the universal human audience, which, of course, doesn't exist. I realized how right I was to quit when I was at a major industry conference and wanted to update, "Walter Dean Myers just invited me behind the signing booth to talk about my boss/his old friend! SQUEE!" but half the folks on my friends list were homeschoolers who would be drooling and the other half were industry people who would be like, "Dude, you're such a noob. That's so uncool." So, yeah. I just had nothing I could say anymore.

 

I have encouraged others not to join. It's a timesuck. You don't get much back out of it for what you put in.

 

TweetDeck (an app I use for Twitter) automatically signed me in to Facebook, and Facebook took that as a sign i wanted to reactivate my account and did so. So for the time I was on -- maybe an hour at most -- I got five inquiries from cousins, boardies, an aunt, etc., all saying, "We missed you!!! Thank god you're back!!! Yay for you!!!" I explained the accident and left again.

 

I didn't leave any way for folks to contact me, so I didn't expect to hear from them again. One friend friended my partner so they could get in touch with me. Everyone else is friends with my parents or my partner, so they must feel like I'm in range if they want or need me. The ones I was really glad to find, who were really long lost friends I loved (like my father's girlfriend when I was a teen, the one who really bonded with me and helped me sort out my life) all had my email, and yes, I still hear from them.

 

I miss some of the people I only saw there: ex-boardies from here, especially, or people who used to blog and don't anymore. I know they're busy and for them Facebook does make sense because they can use it as a quasiblog. But I couldn't use it back that way, if that makes sense. So I had to go.

Edited August 12, 2009 by dragons in the flower bed

[Desert Rat]

I love Facebook. We moved away from all of my family when I was 12. I've been able to reconnect with my aunts, uncles, cousins and even my BFF from grade school through this site. I give myself a time limit though (just like I do for the Hive LOL). And I hide people who are habitually negative in their postings.

I am so glad though, that you made this decision for your family and are firm in your convictions. It's a tough decision and I'm happy for you.

[LibraryLover]

double post

Edited August 13, 2009 by LibraryLover

[LibraryLover]

My family really appreciates FB. We have a Family Group, and our family in Europe is on. I get to see the kids, and it's great. We love this. Most members of my hsing group are also on, so doubly neat.

Edited August 13, 2009 by LibraryLover

[Ibbygirl]

I've only just got on after resisting for years, now my sister has moved to Kenya. I don't use my actual surname though. I don't want to talk to people from high school. We weren't friends!!

 

Good for you. :)

Rosie

 

I'm in the same boat. I just joined after resisting for years. My brother just moved to NY and I thought it would help us keep in touch. I now own a farm and chat with Rosie. (when the chat actually works that is:p) I don't talk any more often to my family members than I did before, but I do enjoy taking care of my virtual farm. I have no idea what the point of Facebook is either. It doesn't really seem set up to facilitate communication but seems to me to be more of a sounding board where you can just kind of post "announcements" to all of your friends and family at once, but like I said, I'm new there and haven't really figured much out about how it works yet. Other than the farm that is. :) hehehehe

[Kari C in SC]

I LOVE facebook! I am 800 miles from many of my friends and most of my family. On Facebook, I can see what's up with everyone including my oldest daughter. It's fun and only takes a couple of minutes a day. I check it once and read the latest posts, post one of my own and go on. I don't play any of the games and rarely take a quiz. I also LOVE seeing everyone's pictures. I think it's great.

 

:iagree:

 

I connect with my ds that is in Iraq this way. He rarely has phone contact. If I am on when he is on - we im. A lot of times I miss him though, so we can leave messages on each other's wall. I realize I could email him privately, but it is nice to do it this way. Most of our family communicates this way from all over the place. I love being connected to them. I have also found that it has been very helpful in building new friendships with other homeschool moms I have just met in the last few months. We chat on there on and off throughout the day. Love it!

[BikeBookBread]

I LOVE all of your responses, which makes me sadder about it all. I too kind of felt lonely on Facebook. Once I wasn't doing it every day, off and on all day, the friends sort of disappeared. I still can't believe that I said "goodbye" and 1 out of 170 replied. :( It truly wasn't a "cry for help" (I'm gonna take my ball and go home) kind of withdrawal, either.

 

I still do have all of the concerns that I noted in the original thread post, but I wonder why 169 out of 170 didn't really care that I left...:confused:

[happyWImom]

I joined and deactivated my account also.

 

1. I like to personalize my contacts with my friends, so if I can't call or see them, I prefer email, where it is private & just between us.

 

2. I still don't understand why you would want to write on someone's "wall" where all of their friends can read what you've said.

 

3. I'm not savvy enough to figure out all of the things you can do on facebook. :D

 

4. I felt bad when someone would want to be my "friend" that I didn't even know. I didn't know how to say no & felt weird just ignoring it.

 

5. I didn't have time to do all of the quizes, send "gifts", etc..... I spend enough time online as it is!!!!

 

6. One of my biggest reasons is the privacy factor. I do not trust it.

 

Good for you for quitting it!

[Audrey]

I do not trust it.

 

 

 

That's my one and only reason for not joining, and that's good enough for me.

[Danestress]

I have found old friends on Facebook, and I love that. However, if I go and check to see if there is anything interesting going on with any of them or if I have messages, that takes ten minutes.

 

I can't figure out what people spend real time doing on Facebook. It guess maybe my friends aren't chatty? I almost never publish updates on myself, so that's probably part of it.

 

So I have it, but I can take it or leave it. It's not something that really draws me in. Actually, this board (and homeschool research in general) is the one place where I waste time and need discipline.

[angela in ohio]

I deactivated mine a few weeks ago. I just don't agree with the way many people act on Facebook. It seems like many people I know post with a lack of humility. I was tired of seeing it. Oddly, the teen girls I knew on FB (from church) were fine, it was the grown women acting like high school girls who made me ill.

[JennC]

I have found old friends on Facebook, and I love that. However, if I go and check to see if there is anything interesting going on with any of them or if I have messages, that takes ten minutes.

 

I can't figure out what people spend real time doing on Facebook. It guess maybe my friends aren't chatty? I almost never publish updates on myself, so that's probably part of it.

 

So I have it, but I can take it or leave it. It's not something that really draws me in. Actually, this board (and homeschool research in general) is the one place where I waste time and need discipline.

 

It takes me much less than 10 minutes, of course I have blocked all the game stats from other people - who cares: slot machines, pillowfights, mafia wars, skateboarding, etc. Some people I know must spend as much time there as I do here:D Also, I wouldn't post much about myself, because of reading other people's business. I mean I don't care that a boy I went to HS with is going camping and that his sil is bringing potato salad. I mean great if that's how you want to communicate, but I don't. I hardly talk to the people I live with, IYKWIM. If I find someone on facebook, I either send them a private message or e-mail them.

I only got on to chat with my son and see what he's doing online. (He was living away from home for several months.)

[Georgiana Daniels]

I deactivated too! That was about 6 months ago, and I have no regrets. Originally I joined to network with others connected to the writing world, then personal contacts started to trickle in, then old high school friends too.

 

If there'd been a way to completely separate personal and professional contacts I would have stayed. I couldn't fully use it professionally or personally. Maybe they have that feature now, but I'm perfectly happy not getting slimed in the food fights.:D

[Ibbygirl]

I still do have all of the concerns that I noted in the original thread post, but I wonder why 169 out of 170 didn't really care that I left...:confused:

 

I don't know if it is because they don't care. I hate to think that you are feeling that way. If your friends are anything like the majority of mine, they probably just don't read your wall and IIRC I think you said in your original post that you gave a 24 hour notice? Maybe they just haven't gotten around to reading it yet?? I'm not trying to defend them if they are bad friends, but just trying to comfort you by saying that it may not be the case. Maybe they just haven't read it? I think the only people who read my wall are my mother and some of my friends from this forum. hehehe My brother, who I hoped I would be able to keep in touch with by joining FB in the first place, doesn't even respond to anything I've ever written on my wall. :rolleyes: Go figure!

[Michelle My Bell]

I deactivated after a few months. My biggest reasons were I found that it was really really depressing. I found out about 8 people from my highschool had died since graduation and people just constantly were talking about it.

 

I also found that people were coming out of the woodwork, people I didn't care to reconnect with. I became a christian when I was 22, so these people were on a totally different page than myself. I just didn't enjoy hearing about their "nights out with the girls" or other things that I think are wrong. I just don't want to be constantly exposed to that.

 

On top of that, it was making me feel really out there and exposed. I just didn't want anyone finding me and looking at my family.

 

I started to get the feeling that facebook was... evil. I know that sounds goofy, but it was a lingering feeling. I have noticed that recently EVERYBODY is on facebook and talking about it. Even businesses are proudly proclaiming their FACEBOOK status. I think FB has been around for a while so I find this ... strange.

 

I am glad to be rid of it. (sort of, since somehow my FB account restarted itself after I deleted it all by itself, I had to go re-delete it) Weird...

 

Michelle

[Janet in WA]

Another neat thing about Facebook: We actually located a whole branch of my family (my mother's father's relatives) that we didn't know even existed. And they didn't know WE (I) existed. This connection happened partially through Facebook. Now we have a group on Facebook devoted to this family branch where we network and share historical information, genealogical finds, photos, legal documents, etc. Very very neat.

[Reya]

I joined for about 5 seconds.

 

I still can't figure out the point of it.

 

Out-of-state family and friends. Photo sharing and video sharing is SUPER easy that way.

 

And, no, we don't have 170 friends!

[Peela]

I visit my Facebook maybe once a week or fortnight at most. Usually because someone posted a photo and sent me a message, something like that.

I have had people contact me through it- and old school friend. I am glad I have it. But it woulndt be a big deal to me if I didnt. It just doenst click with me for some reason. I much prefer Yahoo groups and email (and this message board) as a means of communication. And because I dont allow anyone on my Facebook who I dont know IRL, its not such a big deal- I see them IRL or I dont.

[CookieMonster]

My family really appreciates FB. We have a Family Group, and our family in Europe is on. I get to see the kids, and it's great. We love this. Most members of my hsing group are also on, so doubly neat.

 

This is my major problem with facebook(&others). My family isn't on. Not any of my parents. Not my favorite aunts. Not my sisters. Not even my husband. And not any of his family (whom I love). I'm almost the only person in my family who does anything on the Internet besides shopping and basic website lookup.

 

So, for me, the whole facebook/myspace thing was a bust.

 

I even started my blog as a place for my family, immediate and extended, could regularly see pictures and updates of the kids and I. The grandparents didn't even bother to visit after their first look. They get easily overwhelmed by new web pages.

 

And no one understands, besides hubby, what I'm talking about when I talk about this forum. They have never been on an Internet forum.

 

I did connect, at first, with some old friends back when I was on MySpace. But they all neglected or abandoned their accounts as well...

[schsmom]

I feel a lot like you do about fb. There are only 3 (out of over 100) people that I am glad I got back in touch with - the rest of my "friends" don't mean much to me! I've had several people request a friendship, and then when I wrote something on their wall (a question about how they're doing etc.), I never heard back from them!! I'm wondering what the point is for those people!! So much of it makes me feel like I'm in high school again.. :tongue_smilie: The more I think about it, the more I want to close my account too! I was just fine without all those people in my life a few months ago!!! It feels like a big superficial waste of my time.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

Too funny. Yeah funny how so many want to be your friends but when you send them a note they are too good to talk to you...too funny. Glad I'm not the only one.

I do use it alot with family though. For me it has been nice since I am 1100 miles away from home, other then that I have little to no use for it anymore, the newness wore off.

[EarleneW]

I have had a great experience with FB. I have gottenin contact with so many old friends. It has been great!