This is a sticky situation - *UPDATE* :(

[Happy Camper]

I *rarely* post here, but I can't tell you the number of times I've benefited from this forum over the years. So I'll start by thanking you all for that. 

 

I'm in a very sticky situation at the moment. My mil suffered a mild stroke on Saturday. Because of the religious beliefs (intentionally vague) of my mil and sil, no medical intervention was sought. Dh grew up in that religion, but converted at 19 to Christianity, and now believes that it is a cult. When we saw her Satuday, dh urged them to bring her to the hospital, but was informed that she has a healthcare proxy (with sil designed to make decisions), stating that under no circumstances should she get medical care. She is 82 and has had excellent health for pretty much all of her life, so this is the first time this has come up.

 

She has improved quite a bit so far. On Saturday, she could barely speak (and then only in short phrases, sometimes garbled words), needed assistance to walk, couldn't feel her limbs. She is now able to speak much more clearly, but often struggles to find the word she wants to say (aphasia), sometimes says words wrong (like grammatically incorrect or pronounces wrong). She also has some memory loss (short and long-term) and some confusion. I can see no physical impairment, however.

 

Here's the sticky part: I am staying with her now, and she keeps asking me why this happened to her, and even why would God allow this to happen? What I *want* to say and what I feel I am allowed to say are 2 very different things! I was instructed by sil that whenever mil seems discouraged to have her read her religious literature (oh, she is having trouble comprehending what she reads too, but is improving). So far I have just encouraged her. "You are doing great" and "look how much you've improved" and that sort of thing. But I think mil is realizing she may not improve much more, and is getting distressed. In addition to not improving, she may suffer another stroke (since I've been here, I learned that this has happened before, but on a much smaller scale - basically her mind going completely blank for a few seconds), and the next time could be even more severe.

 

So I can respect their choice to not get medical help, even though I disagree with it. But I am really struggling about whether or not to share my beliefs with her. (I'm a card-carrying people-pleaser, in case you haven't guessed. I hate arguments or conflict of any kind.) My mil is studying her literature as if it will crack the mystery for her about what is going on, but since my beliefs are so different than hers, I don't even know where to start, to say nothing of how upset my sil would be if she learns I had that conversation. My goal in talking to her would be more to comfort her than anything.

 

OK, I'm just rambling at this point. If you've read or even skimmed this far, thank you. Please keep my family in prayer, and if you have any words of wisdom for me, I would gladly accept them. If you strongly disagree with the idea of speaking to her about anything contrary to her beliefs, please express your thoughts in a kind way - I'm the sensitive type. :)

 

Update 7/21

MIL died this morning. It's been a difficult and emotional week. Please continue to keep our family in your prayers. Thanks for all of the support. It means a lot.

Edited July 22, 2017 by Happy Camper

[zoobie]

You could say, well, I can only tell you what I think based on my beliefs, but they do not comport with yours. Would you be interested in hearing my thoughts? If she says no, then keep your mouth closed and let her grieve her mortality in her own way. 

[gardenmom5]

if this has happened before - but briefly, that sounds like she is having TIAs.   her risk of a full blown stroke is much higher.

 

I would probably share my beliefs -but in a very general way.  I could let her know my thoughts - but reminding her that they would be different to hers.

[lauraw4321]

Is there any common ground between her religion and Christianity?  Could you quote from the Bible, for example? If so, why not verses about the rain falling on the righteous and unrighteous alike. Or pointing out the fallen nature of the world. If that's not possible, then I'd go with zoobie's suggestion.

[Peaceseeker]

Maybe see if her 'priest' or other religious leader could speak with her? let them know she needs support? I would probably say something generic like I am so sorry this happened and I am praying for you.

Edited July 19, 2017 by CaliforniaDreaming

[QueenCat]

Here's the sticky part: I am staying with her now, and she keeps asking me why this happened to her, and even why would God allow this to happen? What I *want* to say and what I feel I am allowed to say are 2 very different things! I was instructed by sil that whenever mil seems discouraged to have her read her religious literature (oh, she is having trouble comprehending what she reads too, but is improving). So far I have just encouraged her. "You are doing great" and "look how much you've improved" and that sort of thing. But I think mil is realizing she may not improve much more, and is getting distressed. In addition to not improving, she may suffer another stroke (since I've been here, I learned that this has happened before, but on a much smaller scale - basically her mind going completely blank for a few seconds), and the next time could be even more severe.

 

So I can respect their choice to not get medical help, even though I disagree with it. But I am really struggling about whether or not to share my beliefs with her. (I'm a card-carrying people-pleaser, in case you haven't guessed. I hate arguments or conflict of any kind.) My mil is studying her literature as if it will crack the mystery for her about what is going on, but since my beliefs are so different than hers, I don't even know where to start, to say nothing of how upset my sil would be if she learns I had that conversation. My goal in talking to her would be more to comfort her than anything.

 

 

 

Your sil may have power of attorney for the medical but that doesn't mean she is allowed to dictate to you what you can or cannot say to your mil. If your mil wants you to respond, by all means respond as you like. For peace, maybe not in front of sil. Also with a power of attorney, it typically only strictly comes into play if the person cannot understand what the doctor is asking of them. It's often written in advance of need so that when the patient can't understand or answer/decide, there is already someone who can answer/decide. So I'd ask mil if she would like the chance to see a doctor. If says yes, take her asap to the ER.

[Rachel]

You could say, well, I can only tell you what I think based on my beliefs, but they do not comport with yours. Would you be interested in hearing my thoughts? If she says no, then keep your mouth closed and let her grieve her mortality in her own way.

I agree with this.

[J-rap]

I'm sorry.  I'm very familiar with strokes.  If she is already making such good improvement with little or no physical symptoms, she is one of the lucky ones!  However, she is probably at risk of having more.  There are medications that might help reduce that risk.

 

You're in a tricky situation.  However, it's not the same as if you were with a child.  Then you'd need to for sure respect the beliefs of the family.  You are with an adult who can make her own decisions.  I do think you can find some common ground though.  It sounds like you both believe in God.  Can you share some of your beliefs about God's presence during difficult times, and pray for God's peace and presence?  

 

Also, I second the suggestion above to offer to take her to a doctor, out of earshot of her dd.

 

What does your dh think?

[lauraw4321]

Your sil may have power of attorney for the medical but that doesn't mean she is allowed to dictate to you what you can or cannot say to your mil. If your mil wants you to respond, by all means respond as you like. For peace, maybe not in front of sil. Also with a power of attorney, it typically only strictly comes into play if the person cannot understand what the doctor is asking of them. It's often written in advance of need so that when the patient can't understand or answer/decide, there is already someone who can answer/decide. So I'd ask mil if she would like the chance to see a doctor. If says yes, take her asap to the ER.

 This.

[wintermom]

I'd have a really tough time dealing with the question, "How could God allow this to happen" even with my mil being the same Christian religion. It's not an easy question to tackle. I'd focus on the biology and physiology of the stroke and deal with that. If you want more information about how to help with her rehabilitation, visit your own GP on your own, as a care giver looking for support, and ask for exercises and things to do with her "to pass the time." There are little activities and things you can do along with her to possibly improve her speech and such without touching on religion at all. I don't think this needs to be primarily a religious issue necessarily. There is a lot of physical care and support you can do in your own home to improve her quality of life if you get the information for health professionals. 

Edited July 19, 2017 by wintermom

[Alessandra]

Although you seem to be asking how to respond to MIL, my opinion is that the more fundamental question is what you should be doing in this situation. By helping the family, but not providing needed medical assistance, are you complicit in medical neglect? I realize this is immensely complicated -- freedom of religion, reporting to adult protective services -- and I don't have an answer. But I would not want to be involved to the extent of being a caretaker for MIL. Do you have any liability? Have there been any court cases with your family's particular sect and withholding of medical care? I would want to know about those.

 

I understand that you are in a close to impossible situation, and it simply does not sound in your character to report this to authorities. So I am not trying to be critical of you -- family dynamics can be terrible, and the fact that it's a religious issue makes it worse. But I did want to say that a reaction from some people like me might be -- why didn't she get help?

 

I know that is not the question you asked. Feel free to disagree. And I am very sorry that you have been placed in such a morally difficult place. I hope it works out for all of you. You do have the option of telling your MIL exactly what you think, even though the family will be furious. IMO, it does not have to be your job to choose words that back up a belief system that neither you nor your dh espouse.

Edited July 20, 2017 by Alessandra

[Happy Camper]

Thanks for your responses. I was just scolded by my sil. I had told my MIL I believed she had a stroke. She then emailed sil saying, "dil thinks I had a stroke - yikes!" No sooner had she read the email than I got a call, asking what I did. She hadn't told mil that's what it could be because she wanted her to think positively. God created her to be perfect, therefore she is and there is nothing wrong with her. Ugh!!

 

Dh is so upset. This is going to lead to a big confrontation.

 

And I agree about the TIAs, that's why we are so worried.

 

Finding common ground is hard because they re-define terms and interpret the bible differently, picking and choosing verses, etc. I'm just going to encourage her and pray.

 

So I guess I would just appreciate your prayers.

[Katy]

I wouldn't say anything that would be offensive to SIL when she was there, but I would tell MIL what I really think:  We are all promised to die. She could delay her death and disability a bit by getting medical treatment, but death is part of life.  Would she like to change her mind and get treatment? And if she would, you'd better talk to a local attorney or hospital social worker about legal implications ASAP.

[Katy]

Praying the Holy Spirit will give you the right words to say.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

SIL won't even let her know her own medical condition?? She doesn't know she had a stroke, that she's at risk, what could be done, anything? That's not choice.

 

I don't think religious freedom extends to denying info and care to someone other than yourself. Also, there are laws about elder abuse and neglect.

 

I'd say you and dh need to get on the right side of this, and let the chips fall where they may.

[lauraw4321]

SIL won't even let her know her own medical condition?? She doesn't know she had a stroke, that she's at risk, what could be done, anything? That's not choice.

 

I don't think religious freedom extends to denying info and care to someone other than yourself. Also, there are laws about elder abuse and neglect.

 

I'd say you and dh need to get on the right side of this, and let the chips fall where they may.

 

Yup, this.  I didn't understand from your OP that you weren't allowed to tell her what had happened to her. That is not ok. So long as she is competent, then she should be the one making her own medical decisions. She cannot do those without the full knowledge of what's happening.

[Debbi in Texas]

What an impossible situation. It seems that you can either please SIL or MIL, but not both. I really feel for you.

 

I don't know if this will mesh with her beliefs, but a wise man of God once said, "I might not can always understand God's hand, but I can always trust His heart."

 

Good luck and prayers for finding common ground.

[goldberry]

I would be honest about what is happening and not let your SIL stop you.  I would ask plainly if she wants to see a doctor or not.  If she does not, then she is an adult with her own beliefs that should be respected. Especially if this has been a long-standing belief rather than a recent one.   But she should have full knowledge to make these decisions.  Respecting her beliefs does not require hiding the truth or not telling her about options.

 

I'm going to add here that I would think very carefully before involving authorities, and I would not do so unless I felt MIL was being lied to or coerced.

Edited July 19, 2017 by goldberry

[mytwomonkeys]

In your shoes, I would talk to my husband because it's his mom. I would strongly urge him to do the right thing for his mom & then he can take his sister on. I would be praying a lot for wisdom and guidance. I'm so sorry you're in this situation.

[Robin M]

Sorry you are in this situation. She asked why this happened so tell her. Her symptoms have nothing to do with religion, its biology, just tell her it is her body's way of telling her something is wrong. She can choose to do something about it and wait for it to get worse. It's biological. As we get older, our bodies break down. There are things we can do to keep it from worse, if you choose to. Approach it from that aspect and keep it simple.

[MommyLiberty5013]

Limiting someone's access to knowledge and info on their own health to keep up a belief system is very cult like.

 

Do you have access to MILs POA docs? Has she given all her medical decisions over to SIL? Is she competent and capable of some understanding?

 

Also refusing treatment is one thing, fine whatever MIL wants. But it's probably an obligation of an MD to inform MIL of the facts if SIL does not have sole say legally.

[QueenCat]

Limiting someone's access to knowledge and info on their own health to keep up a belief system is very cult like.

 

Do you have access to MILs POA docs? Has she given all her medical decisions over to SIL? Is she competent and capable of some understanding?

 

Also refusing treatment is one thing, fine whatever MIL wants. But it's probably an obligation of an MD to inform MIL of the facts if SIL does not have sole say legally.

 

In every POA I've seen, the person has the power to act BUT it does not supersede the patient's wishes if the patient can competently respond. Getting guardianship/conservatorship would give them that right.

[QueenCat]

Thanks for your responses. I was just scolded by my sil. I had told my MIL I believed she had a stroke. She then emailed sil saying, "dil thinks I had a stroke - yikes!" No sooner had she read the email than I got a call, asking what I did. She hadn't told mil that's what it could be because she wanted her to think positively. God created her to be perfect, therefore she is and there is nothing wrong with her. Ugh!!

 

Dh is so upset. This is going to lead to a big confrontation.

 

And I agree about the TIAs, that's why we are so worried.

 

Finding common ground is hard because they re-define terms and interpret the bible differently, picking and choosing verses, etc. I'm just going to encourage her and pray.

 

So I guess I would just appreciate your prayers.

 

I hope that your dh is only upset with his sister. And that he and his sister will have a confrontation. There is nothing to be upset about with you. You did the right thing. In your shoes, I would still try to get her medical help or you could be held culpable for elder neglect.

[zoobie]

NOT an actual legal opinion, just internet ramblings:

 

If MIL has chosen this religion and walked the path for her adult life, I personally wouldn't worry about being accused of neglect. If she requests medical attention and you refuse to provide it, that's different. Or if this were SIL's new thing that she's imposing on her dependent mother with your assistance, that would be different too.

[ealp2009]

The POA only comes into play if your MIL is not competent to make decisions and it does not sounds like that is the case. Your MIL sounds like she is competent to make medical decisions for herself. Also withholding information about what happened as your SIL is doing and as she is asking you to do is dishonest and lying by omission. I feel for you and I wouldn't involve authorities unless your MIL wants to be treated and your SIL is not letting here. Even then I would hope that your husband would get involved to do some persuasion. Prayers for peace for you.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Happy Camper]

Sil arrived and is "re-programming" her. That's the best way I can describe it. Yes, it is a cult. I'm sure it's difficult to understand without knowing more details. I have a lot of trouble understanding and I've been married to dh for 20 years!

 

He was texting me, suggesting things to say in confronting his sister and I told him that needs to be his battle - especially in regards to why he knows her religion is whacked. (Hopefully he won't say it like that. I'm just tired and emotionally drained.)

 

We live 2 hours away and I came down to be with MIL to give sil a break since she had been here since Sat. This evening will be my last time alone with her for awhile. I'm going to set up a Skype call with dh so he can see and speak to her. He is much more comfortable stating his mind and has no hesitation taking his sister on. I will also encourage him to take sick time from work to come be with her if she doesn't improve. She seems a bit worse today.

 

No, I haven't seen the healthcare proxy. If anyone should ask to see it, I feel like it should be dh.

 

Thank you all!

[FaithManor]

Just because SIL had the POA, that doesn't mean MIL cannot change her mind, and should she do so, you are within your power to call 911. SIL cannot stop MIL from having care if she desires it, and she cannot prevent you from visiting. I would be firm with SIL on that!

[Carol in Cal.]

I am praying for you and for your MIL.

 

It sounds like your SIL is skating close to elder abuse to me.  If I were your husband I would be right there, next to his mom's bed, making sure that she was able to make her own choices.  I wouldn't be coercing her into getting medical care if she doesn't want it, but I wouldn't be letting anyone else coerce her not to, either, IYKWIM.  Because this is life or death right now, from the sound of it.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

I'm not worried about the OP being prosecuted for neglect. I'm worried about other family members standing by, letting SIL neglect her mother.

[QueenCat]

I am praying for you and for your MIL.

 

It sounds like your SIL is skating close to elder abuse to me.  If I were your husband I would be right there, next to his mom's bed, making sure that she was able to make her own choices.  I wouldn't be coercing her into getting medical care if she doesn't want it, but I wouldn't be letting anyone else coerce her not to, either, IYKWIM.  Because this is life or death right now, from the sound of it.

 

But the only way to really know is for sil NOT to be there. He won't get an honest answer with the sister there.

[Alessandra]

Reprogramming? The entire situation is very disturbing.

 

Sending good thoughts your way, OP. Please keep us posted.

[Beetkvass]

I'm very torn. I think anyone would agree if it was a child you should report them immediately for medical neglect so the child could get immediate help. The problem is that despite this having been mil's ongoing religious beliefs, to not get medical care, she's been effectively deprived of that choice by no one telling her she'd most likely had a stroke. There is a difference between supporting an adult in medical decisions and deceiving an elderly person in it. It sounds like sil has been actively deceiving her and I'd be very worried about being seen as complicit in it because you drove down to stay knowing she was not well but didn't do anything. 

 

I do think people have a right to choose not to have medical care for themselves. But since she's had a stroke she's not fully in her right mind and can't comprehend what is going on. And your sil is depriving her of the right to even know something is actually wrong. So how does she decide how to handle the situation if she doesn't even know the situation? 

[Beetkvass]

I didn't realize there were any groups in the U.S. that didn't allow any medical care of any kind at all?? I know JW's refuse blood transfusions and many try and use natural means and use others as a last resort. But nothing at all?

[Happy Camper]

But the only way to really know is for sil NOT to be there. He won't get an honest answer with the sister there.

She is out tonight. I will have tonight only to speak with her. And hopefully dh will speak with her.

[Happy Camper]

Reprogramming? The entire situation is very disturbing.

 

Sending good thoughts your way, OP. Please keep us posted.

That was my word. She was doing damage control, insisting to MIL that she did NOT have a stroke, don't even let yourself think that, etc. It's like a mind-over-matter gone extreme.

[Happy Camper]

I didn't realize there were any groups in the U.S. that didn't allow any medical care of any kind at all?? I know JW's refuse blood transfusions and many try and use natural means and use others as a last resort. But nothing at all?

I'm keeping the name of the cult out of it, but I'll pm you if you are interested. They do occasionally seek medical treatment, which is what makes this more complicated, because I can't figure out their justification for doing it sometimes but not others. SIL mentioned that her healthcare proxy is a bit different because of her age. She would allow a bit more intervention, but she didn't tell me what. And MIL is a big health nut - low fat diet, no artificial sweeteners, low sugar, mostly organic, has taken vitamins most of her life... yet strangely believes that health is a state of mind and a reflection of pure faith (essentially).

[FaithManor]

Sadie makes a point! If MIL is intimidated or scared of SIL, then she is unable to consent to lack of treatment. If possible, SIL should be run out of the house for a few days so others can care for MIL and ascertain whether or not she is able express her wishes and make decisions without coercion.

[mysticmomma]

:(

[Beetkvass]

I'm keeping the name of the cult out of it, but I'll pm you if you are interested. They do occasionally seek medical treatment, which is what makes this more complicated, because I can't figure out their justification for doing it sometimes but not others. SIL mentioned that her healthcare proxy is a bit different because of her age. She would allow a bit more intervention, but she didn't tell me what. And MIL is a big health nut - low fat diet, no artificial sweeteners, low sugar, mostly organic, has taken vitamins most of her life... yet strangely believes that health is a state of mind and a reflection of pure faith (essentially).

 

I'm really curious if you don't mind PM'ing me. I wonder how much this is down to sil's selective choice making and not the cult.

[zoobie]

I didn't realize there were any groups in the U.S. that didn't allow any medical care of any kind at all?? I know JW's refuse blood transfusions and many try and use natural means and use others as a last resort. But nothing at all?

Christian Scientists are one such group. I would assume there are others because there are bunches of religious variants. A friend in elementary had a brother with epilepsy and they blamed it on his sin. CPS was involved by the time I lost touch with her. :(

[idnib]

I would also take her to the ER and get her the info she needs. Making an informed decision to refuse medical treatment is a world away from what's happening in this situation. 

 

I think you need to not worry about the SIL and really think about the ethics of the situation. Sadie's right that you're going to have to do the easier thing and go along, or the right thing. A capable adult is having medical information withheld from them by a cult member. Consider if you were the person having medical information withheld even though you are of sound mind. This is an abuse of a power of attorney. Was this document drawn up by an attorney or was it a DIY form? because I'd be letting the attorney know as well.

 

Sorry I can't find a way to put it more plainly than that. And I'm sorry you're in this situation.

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[goldberry]

She's lying to your MIL, and keeping information your MIL is entitled to have, from her, due to her cult beliefs. That's wrong. It's not just 'family preference'. 

 

In your shoes I would pack MIL up and take her to the ER. Once she has a diagnosis, and all the information about her health condition she is entitled to, given competence, she can decide on how to proceed.

 

If MIL is too frightened or wary of SIL's reaction to do so, then you've got an elder abuse problem on your hands. 

 

Honestly, this is so wrong. You've got an elderly (but by no means on deaths door) woman who may or may not have had a stroke or series of strokes, whose carers are colluding to keep her from not only medical diagnosis, care, treatment or rehab but from basic information about what is going wrong with her own body. These people want you to help by lying to MIL and/or reading her uplifting literature.

 

In what universe is this OK?

 

Yes, it's wrong for SIL to lie to her, and OP should tell her the truth.  But packing her up and taking her to the ER?  This is a grown woman with a belief system may be stupid as all get out but she obviously still had it when she was in her right mind.   She has a choice if she goes to the ER or not.

 

Adding, it would be wrong to assume that just because she had a stroke now of course she would want to go to the ER.  That may not, in fact, change her position.

Edited July 20, 2017 by goldberry

[goldberry]

She does. But it's complicated in that MIL is obviously experiencing some coercion, and isn't well. 

 

They have a chance to talk to her away from the SIL and they should do so. It's still up to her if she goes or not.  Hopefully she will want to go.  

 

Again, I am assuming this belief has been in place and is not a recent thing or something that was forced on her by the SIL.

[idnib]

I am also not talking about taking her against her will. But she should be strongly urged to get correct information and be fully informed. Acting on it is a entirely different matter. 

[QueenCat]

I'm keeping the name of the cult out of it, but I'll pm you if you are interested. They do occasionally seek medical treatment, which is what makes this more complicated, because I can't figure out their justification for doing it sometimes but not others. SIL mentioned that her healthcare proxy is a bit different because of her age. She would allow a bit more intervention, but she didn't tell me what. And MIL is a big health nut - low fat diet, no artificial sweeteners, low sugar, mostly organic, has taken vitamins most of her life... yet strangely believes that health is a state of mind and a reflection of pure faith (essentially).

 

Based on that, I'd take her to an ER if she is willing but not necessarily the closest one. Don't worry about the proxy. I wouldn't mention it. So long as mil is competent to answer the questions doctors/nurses ask, the proxy doesn't matter.

Edited July 20, 2017 by QueenCat

[J-rap]

I didn't realize sil was withholding information from mil, and that she hadn't even been diagnosed yet by a doctor.   So if sil believes that God makes and keeps everyone's body perfect, how does she explain the fact that eventually everyone will die of something?  I would be gently honest with mil  (or your dh can) and again emphasize that you believe she had a stroke but that there is therapy that can help her speech and medical intervention can possibly prevent more strokes, if she is interested.  And, you can remind her that God made doctors too, and they do a lot of good in this world!

 

Try not to worry too much about sil.  It sounds like she'll be upset no matter what.  And you don't owe her a long explanation if she confronts you, only that you have mil's best interest in mind.

 

 

Edited July 20, 2017 by J-rap

[MercyA]

Here's the sticky part: I am staying with her now, and she keeps asking me why this happened to her, and even why would God allow this to happen? What I *want* to say and what I feel I am allowed to say are 2 very different things! 

 

Others have given very good advice here. Please do make sure, with the help of your husband, that your MIL is fully informed of her condition and of treatment options.

 

Regarding the spiritual questions: I think I would say, "I know you may not agree with this, but here is what DH and I believe and why..." and then share with her a little bit, gently. If she wants to talk more, follow her lead. If she doesn't, that is her choice, and you will have a clear conscience about answering her truthfully and to the best of your ability. I think it would be perfectly fine and appropriate to have your husband field these questions instead of you, too.

 

What a difficult situation. My heart goes out to you. I'm sure you're doing the very best you can.  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[Junie]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[Lizzie in Ma]

Ugh, no advice but lots of good thoughts and prayers your way. What an awful situation to be in. :grouphug: :grouphug:

[Garga]

I didn't realize there were any groups in the U.S. that didn't allow any medical care of any kind at all?? I know JW's refuse blood transfusions and many try and use natural means and use others as a last resort. But nothing at all?

 

I've been in Christian churches when I was a kid, where people wouldn't go to the doctor for anything. One man had a heart attack and decided to pray through it because God would heal him. He sat there praying and praying, but after 8 hours of non-stop pain he went to the hospital. He wouldn't take his kids to the doctor when they were sick. He also wouldn't use chapstick because chapped wasn't how God made lips and if they got chapped he'd pray for God to restore them to how they ought to be. There was no medicine of any kind in the house--no headache meds, pepto bismol, etc.

 

He softened his stance a tiny bit as he got older, but with reluctance. He finally died of a heart attack (a second one) in his 50s.

 

His was an extreme example, but a lot of people in that church were very close to the way he was. If the bible said that by Jesus' stripes were are healed, then by Jesus' stripes we are healed, period. If they didn't get healed, they figured it was a failing in their faith and they should just keep praying harder and clearing their mind of doubt.

 

My parents weren't like that and took me to the doctor when I was sick and I'm not like that at all--we go to the doctor and I have a stocked medicine cabinet, yet sometimes I think to myself, "I should probably pray more for us when we're sick," and feel a bit guilty for not having enough faith.

 

 

 

OP: you should tell your MIL that she has all the symptoms of a stroke and TIA. If she's like the man I knew above, it's likely she'll do nothing. But she should be able to make that decision on her own.

 

As to why this happens, I honestly don't know. The bible goes on and on about healing and Jesus healed hundreds if not thousands of people and said that we would be able to do the same. And I personally had a wrist problem that someone prayed for me about and it went away instantly. I went from years of pain to completely pain free, overnight, from one single prayer by a person with a deep faith in God's healing. So, I know it can happen.

 

So, I do believe that God heals and I have no clue why he doesn't every time. I don't know if it really is a faith issue and the people I knew in that church were right that if we drew closer to God we'd have more faith and He would heal us. But I also know people with a deep faith who don't get healing and they're not faking their faith. I can't figure this one out.

 

From what I'm remembering, I don't believe there are scriptures saying we should not go to doctors, though for someone with the beliefs of your MIL, going to a doctor immediately means you no longer believe God will heal you. And since the scriptures say, "By your faith you are made whole," then going to a doctor means you longer have faith, and God will no longer make you whole. I'm not saying that I personally believe it's as black and white as that, but that's how people who believe that way see it.