My dad and/or mom may not be my bio parents...

[LisaKinVA]

Took my oldest dd to the pediatrician for a check-up today. During questionnaire I confirm history of high cholesterol (mine). Dr. tells me (not surprisingly), that my "type" of high cholesterol is usually hereditary. I tell her that "yes, I'd heard of it, but that I'm still trying to figure out where I inherited all of these 'hereditary' things."

 

She asks me, "like what."

 

I say, "well the biggest is that I'm AB+, my mom is B+ and my dad is O+, and then there's the fact that there aren't brown eyes in my family line for 3 generations."

 

Neither of those is supposed to be really possible (the brown eye thing is more possible than the blood type thing, but really, really rare). Add to that my "hereditary" high cholesterol, and a possibly related "hereditary" Liver problem (haven't had the tests on that one yet), and I'm either a genetic mutant that should be studied like a lab rat for the benefit of science OR I'm not related to one or both of my parents.

 

This is not the first time this has come up... the first time was when I was in the 7th grade during our in-class blood typing experiment. I came up AB+, part of this was to showcase how we inherit blood types -- so I had to ask my parents for (a) permission to do the experiment, and (b) what their blood types were. When my in-class test came back AB+ I was told that I "probably did the test wrong." And that I should probably talk to my parents about it.

 

Now, always feeling like an "odd-ball" anyhow, this wasn't the first time I questioned my parentage and family blood lines. It started with the fact I was the only one in 3 generations with brown eyes, and just feeling "different."

 

I love my parents, and no matter what any test shows, they would still be MY parents. However, with all of these "hereditary" issues (the health ones being most concerning), I want to know if I'm working with all of the factual genetic information or not.

 

It's something, that if there was a way I could do it without them knowing, I'd do it in a heartbeat. BUT, my only choices are (a) hair, which has to be pulled from the head (b) cheek swab or © blood test. None of which can be done quietly. I have to talk to them about it.

 

My parents already have problems, and this would REALLY freak my dad out, not to mention my mom.

 

As I said, it's not the first time this has come up, and my mom HAS told me, "I just wish you'd drop this, you ARE our daughter. I have no doubt about that."

 

But... I do.

 

So, I don't want to rock the boat, but I want to know what I'm dealing with -- for me, and my children.

 

I mean, with my parents and grandparents health histories, there is no heart disease, stroke, etc. until after 80 years of age. High blood pressure, yes (after age 60), but no Liver issues, no cholesterol issues, none of the things I'm dealing with.

 

If this were you, what would you do? How would you handle it?

 

Lisa

[Danestress]

(1) Do you really need to eliminate them as parents in order to get good medical treatment.

 

(2) Do you want to know because you want to know?

 

If you are concerned about medical issues, it would be better to know who your parents *are* than who they aren't.

 

But if I were you, I would want to know for a lot of other reasons - mostly because I just would feel like I have a right to know.

 

I think I might tell my mother that I have the hair samples and intend to test them. And then I think I would do it. Of course, I'm not in that situation, so I don't know, but I think I would. I would tell her ahead of time, though.

[Julie in Austin]

I'm not real good with ambiguity, so I'd probably pilfer hair samples from their hairbrushes without their knowledge.

 

ETA: I just realized when you wrote "has to be pulled from the head" you meant that this kind of thing wouldn't work? In that case, I'd probably sit down and talk with them. Although I realize this will probably be pretty miserable.

[elegantlion]

Personally I would pursue it. It should be done gently and perhaps in a letter. It might takes years to find the truth, but I would find subtle ways to work a question in here or there.

 

Here's why I say that. There is a possibility that my mother does not have the same father as the rest of their siblings. She has always had that feeling. There are multiple incidents to suggest this is the truth. She is now in her 70s and her parents are both deceased. The only other person that may know that truth is in her 80s and refuses to discuss it. It has been emotionally devastating for my mother and she still wants to resolve this. Every few years it hits her. She feels like no one is willing to tell her the truth.

 

:grouphug: I know that must be hard for you to even pose this question to your parents.

[newbie]

Thats a tough dilemma. But the truth shall set you free. The only consequence, is the originals set of parents.

 

Do you want contact, or is it just medical? That in itself can open a can of worms.

[hi_itsgwen]

That is very curious. It's possible that your Mom is aware that you have a different biological parent, and your Dad is not...which could really make things awkward. It's not too unusual, as we have a couple of cases of this in our family tree. Often, the kids (and the legal Dad) aren't told. I too would be too curious to let it go, but you may have better luck getting in tight with your Mom and being willing to keep what you find strictly confidential. Is your Maternal Grandmother still alive? She may be willing to talk to you about it.

[Heather in Neverland]

I found out when I was 16yo that my father was not my biological father. Until then I had no clue and I found out by accident...my parents had no intention of ever telling me. Honestly, it didn't really affect me all that much...no drama, no tears.

 

When I confronted her she didn't want to talk about it either at first but I insisted. She said "Well, what if I told you that I had gotten pregnant as an unwed teenager and daughter of a pentecostal pastor in the bible belt by a man with a criminal record?"

 

I said, "I would say I am glad you didn't have an abortion." Yet another reason why I am extremely pro-life.

 

It was really more of an interesting story than anything else and it gave me a lot of insight into my mother's past. My two younger brothers did not find out that we had different fathers until about 20 years later. They were more floored than I was.

 

You do have the right to know but keep in my mind that when parents keep secrets like this there is usually a really good reason for it so try to be sensitive to that.

[Tammy]

maybe...like someone else mentioned.....it would open a big can of worms. Just think....it could be very hurtful to you to find out 'who' is your parents....because really...that is the 'next' thing you will want to know.

 

But now that you suspect....how will you ever just 'drop' it....KWIM? It is a very tough situation.....

[Dobela]

My son is adopted and one of the most frustrating things is that we don't have a family medical history. Sometimes it just helps to know about certain things - like does Celiac run in the family or learning disabilities. But, so far it hasn't changed any medical treatment. My BIL was adopted and has no desire to know who his biological parents are. He said knowing won't change him or change any potential medical problems so he has refused to search for biological family.

 

I don't know your family history, but this can be a difficult thing. I know of some adoptive families that have been torn apart after the child showed up years later. Not all reunifications are beautiful Hallmark moments. Or, it may be that you were the product of an affair or something just as unpleasant that no one wants to discuss. Are you prepared to learn your background at the expense of others? Or can you deal with what may happen if you learn you were the product of an affair, a rape, or some other bad event that the family has tried to move on after?

[specialmama]

You do have the right to know but keep in my mind that when parents keep secrets like this there is usually a really good reason for it so try to be sensitive to that.

 

:iagree: There are 2 cases in our family where the parents aren't who the world thinks are the parents, if that makes any sense. In both cases, the circumstances which led to said arrangements were abso-smurfly astounding and it probably would have been better had it stayed under wraps. Don't get me wrong, you still have a right to know, but as Heather said, you need to be sensitive to the fact that it's not only *your* life that these details would alter. Your best bet, as said before by another poster, is to have a heart to heart with your mom and assure her that whatever she tells you will not be shared with your dad, if that is her wish.

 

:grouphug: (((hugs))) to you as you figure this all out.

[LlamaMama]

The paternity tests that I am aware of are expensive, like $700. If you did get samples from them, the actual costs of the test could be a major deterrent.

[LisaKinVA]

I have a lot of difficulty believing that my mom had an affair, or anything like that.

 

1) She had been married before, given birth to my older brother, and left my bro's dad, moved home and divorced bro's dad.

 

2) She got pregnant soon after starting to date my dad (my older bro and I are 18 mos. apart...)

 

3) She went through h*ll with my dad's parents, my dad even told her he couldn't marry her, and she said "fine, then we're done." My dad came back, and told her he had changed his mind, she told my dad she was pregnant THEN... and my grandparents relented (it was a have-to).

 

4) My mom offered to call off the wedding, and walk away (my dad isn't the easiest person to live with). She'd divorced before, had a baby, and was fine doing it again.

 

This is what BOTH of my parents have told me (and my grandparents to an extent)

 

Also, I just don't see my mom as the "put up with cr** for 40+ years to cover-up an affair kind of girl." A year or two, MAYBE, but not 40+ years (FWIW, my mom's parents did NOT want my mom to marry my dad either).

 

I am a lot like my parents... nature/nurture, I don't know. My personality is like my dad, my looks are more like my mom. I do look a LOT like my older brother, too.

 

And, I have had this conversation with my mom about a half-dozen times or more over the years.

 

I guess, I just need to get the courage to take the next step.

[Tree House Academy]

My grandmother lived her whole life (71 years) believing that she was adopted or at least not related to one or both of her parents. Many of her reasons were the same as yours. She never pursued it and now none of us really have any clue and all of the "evidence" is long since deceased. I think you should definitely pursue this. If your parents are certain they are your parents, then there is no reason at all for them to NOT submit to the testing...even if they think it is the most ignorant thing ever!

[kalanamak]

Do you have sibs? That could be a testing way to go.

 

Barring medical concerns, I personally wouldn't pursue it, but I could see why some would want to know.

[sunshine]

I would sneak a hair sample and not tell my parents until I have absolute proof. I would get one of each parent just in case Mom is Mom and Dad is not. or vice versa.

I am not sure I would ever tell my parents if I knew it would affect them so horribly. But I would consider it. I would have to know. But that is me.

[AnnetteB]

http://www.biology.arizona.edu/Human_Bio/problem_sets/blood_types/inherited.html

 

 

One of our granddaughters has a different blood type than either her mother or father because she inherited the second allele type from one of them. She obviously was delivered from her mama's womb and looks very much like her papa so the blood type is just interesting in her case. Maybe you have a similar situation?

[Peela]

There is a book I have read quotes from (that I cant remember the title of) that reckons that 10% of people around the world- a full 10%- do not have the father they think they have.

I would want to know, myself. Whether or not its true, whether or not you would want to tell your parents that you know if its true- I would deal with those steps one at a time as they come up.

In my dh's family, the youngest child of 5, looks nothing like the rest, and we are all suspicious, but its not our business to make a deal out of it.

[klmama]

Lisa, sometimes there are just oddities, and there is no good reason for them. Sometimes, hereditary things skip a generation or two, and then seem to appear out of nowhere. Unless you can't get the medical care you need without accurate info, I honestly think you should drop it. Your parents have been given ample opportunity and reason to tell you, and they haven't. Perhaps it really is a case of things skipping generations, and your questions are hurting them. I understand why you would have doubts, but I think you should drop it.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Lisa, sometimes there are just oddities, and there is no good reason for them. Sometimes, hereditary things skip a generation or two, and then seem to appear out of nowhere. Unless you can't get the medical care you need without accurate info, I honestly think you should drop it. Your parents have been given ample opportunity and reason to tell you, and they haven't. Perhaps it really is a case of things skipping generations, and your questions are hurting them. I understand why you would have doubts, but I think you should drop it.

 

:iagree:

[Rosie_0801]

From what I've read, heredity only adds about 4% of risk. Do you think that 4% is worth the stress it will cause? Or would you be better off dropping the topic and changing your diet?

 

Rosie

[Aubrey]

We have an issue like this in our family--well, a more insipid version. One aunt thinks she's illegit but *won't* test to find out. She just writes scary letters to grm to torment her.

 

I have always said that if aunt really actually wanted to know if her dad was her dad, she could *easily* do dna testing against another aunt to see if she's a full sib or not.

 

I think the same might work for you, if you can trust your older bro to stay quiet.

 

Do you think your parents might be keeping a secret, or do you think there was a hospital mix up?

[LisaKinVA]

http://www.biology.arizona.edu/Human_Bio/problem_sets/blood_types/inherited.html

 

 

One of our granddaughters has a different blood type than either her mother or father because she inherited the second allele type from one of them. She obviously was delivered from her mama's womb and looks very much like her papa so the blood type is just interesting in her case. Maybe you have a similar situation?

 

According to this, my father would have to have A or AB blood. O blood type for my father is "not possible."

[LisaKinVA]

From what I've read, heredity only adds about 4% of risk. Do you think that 4% is worth the stress it will cause? Or would you be better off dropping the topic and changing your diet?

 

Rosie

 

Changing my diet does NOT help. Losing weight does NOT help. I was 25, exercising 10+ hours a week, body fat under 20%, weight well within "healthy limits" Not eating red meat, egg yolks or much dairy, let alone dairy with fat in it. Doing "everything right" doesn't bring my LDL cholesterol anywhere near normal. My triglycerides are normal (not high), and my HDL is normal (not low, but on the high-side of normal)

 

My latest possible hereditary issue is that my liver is now not functioning properly, and I get to undergo more tests. Cholesterol lowering meds are OUT due to the Liver issue.

 

Because there is no history of this in my family, they are literally taking shots in the dark (I get to look forward to a Liver biopsy, and more pincushion tests -- most of which wouldn't be necessary if there was a traceable family history, they could just say "that is that" and be done with it.

 

There is no definable cause, so they want to look for one. I've got enough going on without wondering if I'm just a ticking time-bomb -- will I be here in 20 years, etc.

 

And, this is stressful for me.

[Dirtroad]

They are your parents. They sacrificed, worked hard, and took care of you. They do not deny you as their child... they love you. Genetics is a sciense of material donation, but love & dedication are parenting.

 

I do family tree research. I found dates & people who don't match in several generations. They do not influence my life today and I never brought them up. Old hurts DO NOT HEAL the new ones... they just make more pain. Is the answer really, really worth all the pain & suffering that will result (whether the answer is yes or no - it is obviously hurtful)

 

Unless you have some genetic disease that can only be cured by a biological egg or sperm donor (sometimes called parent) then why risks such heartache & family chaos.

 

What a wonderful thought to consider.... you were chosen & they didn't just get stuck with ya... like my folks did with me - gotta love those shotgun wedding pics.:)

[LisaKinVA]

We have an issue like this in our family--well, a more insipid version. One aunt thinks she's illegit but *won't* test to find out. She just writes scary letters to grm to torment her.

 

I have always said that if aunt really actually wanted to know if her dad was her dad, she could *easily* do dna testing against another aunt to see if she's a full sib or not.

 

I think the same might work for you, if you can trust your older bro to stay quiet.

 

Do you think your parents might be keeping a secret, or do you think there was a hospital mix up?

 

My older bro would NOT keep a secret (we are not close... and he tends to take pleasure in causing me grief). My younger brothers WOULD, however, keep a secret. My older (from everything we've been told) is my half brother. My younger siblings are supposed to be full-brothers.

 

I believe my youngest brother would do this and keep the secret. It would tell me everything I "need" to know for now.

 

I hadn't even thought of this approach. Thanks.

[LisaKinVA]

They are your parents. They sacrificed, worked hard, and took care of you. They do not deny you as their child... they love you. Genetics is a sciense of material donation, but love & dedication are parenting.

 

I do family tree research. I found dates & people who don't match in several generations. They do not influence my life today and I never brought them up. Old hurts DO NOT HEAL the new ones... they just make more pain. Is the answer really, really worth all the pain & suffering that will result (whether the answer is yes or no - it is obviously hurtful)

 

Unless you have some genetic disease that can only be cured by a biological egg or sperm donor (sometimes called parent) then why risks such heartache & family chaos.

 

What a wonderful thought to consider.... you were chosen & they didn't just get stuck with ya... like my folks did with me - gotta love those shotgun wedding pics.:)

 

I am not adopted. They would *not* have hidden that from me. My older brother was adopted by my father, this was not hidden.

 

Like you, my mom was pregnant when she got married (with me), why would they TELL me that? Knowing the pain that it caused me?

 

Growing up, I thought *I* was the reason my parents were having problems, that if my mom hadn't gotten pregnant with *Me*, they never would have gotten married, and hate being together so badly.

 

There are only 3 options:

 

 

 

1. I am a genetic mutant.

2. My dad is not my bio dad... (which is a can of wormy worms I don't need, and I would not go down that road with my dad); OR

3. I was switched at birth.

 

Would you believe I met a girl in the church I grew up in, who was born on the same day, in the same hospital that I was... and she and I used to talk about how we were nothing like our other family members???

 

And, the baby picture the hospital sent home of "me" didn't look like "me"?

(My mom STILL talks about that).

 

My husband also feels this is important.

 

Heart and Liver are a couple of organs I can't live without :D

[momto5blessings]

Dear Lisa,

 

 

About the blood types....I am A+, my husband is B-. We live overseas and had to get all of our five children tested for their blood types in case of an emergency. We have FIVE different blood types in our family, including universal donor and universal recipient. Our doctor laughed, said he's never seen anything like it, it is extremely rare to have so many different types, but it is possible! We like to say we are a blood bank in a famiily.

 

Also, both my husband and I are blue eyed. One of our children has greenish-blue eyes. I googled if blue eyed parents could produce brown eyed children, and it is possible.

 

Because the science of genetics is so new, maybe your grandparents or great grandparents (or even further back) could have had these conditions, but you didn't know about it....they don't always show up, even if you have the gene. (One of the reasons I don't ever want to have that type of genetic testing.)

 

Hope it makes you feel a bit better...I am not a scientist by any means, but I do know the blood type thing can happen, just as you have described, based on genetic inheritance.

 

Have a good day,

Pamela

[littleWMN]

I have O+ blood and my daughter has AB blood. I'm almost positive my husband has B+ blood.

 

:grouphug:

[LisaKinVA]

Dear Lisa,

 

 

About the blood types....I am A+, my husband is B-. We live overseas and had to get all of our five children tested for their blood types in case of an emergency. We have FIVE different blood types in our family, including universal donor and universal recipient. Our doctor laughed, said he's never seen anything like it, it is extremely rare to have so many different types, but it is possible! We like to say we are a blood bank in a famiily.

 

Also, both my husband and I are blue eyed. One of our children has greenish-blue eyes. I googled if blue eyed parents could produce brown eyed children, and it is possible.

 

Because the science of genetics is so new, maybe your grandparents or great grandparents (or even further back) could have had these conditions, but you didn't know about it....they don't always show up, even if you have the gene. (One of the reasons I don't ever want to have that type of genetic testing.)

 

Hope it makes you feel a bit better...I am not a scientist by any means, but I do know the blood type thing can happen, just as you have described, based on genetic inheritance.

 

Have a good day,

Pamela

 

Thanks Pamela :D

 

:iagree: Hence, why I've been walking around calling myself a genetic mutant for years. But, you do get tired of hearing it, and it does cause doubts. If this IS true, I should sign up for some genetics study -- as It wouldn't be the first time Science wanted to study me! (Seriously... my missing teeth are a journal article in the making. Usually, when one is missing the "same" tooth, it's one on the top and one on the bottom, but not many. In my case, I'm missing nine, and 7 are all missing from the upper jaw. I'm missing 2 incisors, 2 1yr. molars and 1 2yr. molar, and 4 wisdom teeth) The dentist who "discovered" my problem, said that I was just "more evolved" than the average person :lol: (yeah, this is another one of those "hereditary things" that will cost me about $35k to fix... and I'm the only one in the family with the missing teeth!):D

[Barb_]

[*]I was switched at birth.

 

 

Would you believe I met a girl in the church I grew up in, who was born on the same day, in the same hospital that I was... and she and I used to talk about how we were nothing like our other family members???

 

And, the baby picture the hospital sent home of "me" didn't look like "me"?

(My mom STILL talks about that).

 

I was thinking all along that this could be the case. As you well know, it's not unheard of. Now that you mention this story, it seems like the most likely scenario. Your mom may just not want to face it or think about it because she has probably wondered over the years and is in denial.

 

If you decide to talk to them, maybe you could approach it like, "here is what I think may have happened...here is why I feel it is important for me to know for sure...here is what I'd like to do about it with your permission...I will always love you the same no matter what I find out and this won't change things."

 

Barb

[MommyInTraining]

my looks are more like my mom. I do look a LOT like my older brother, too

 

Doesn't sound like a switched at birth if you look like them ???

Edited April 21, 2009 by MommyInTraining

[Renthead Mommy]

Two things:

 

First, did they say the hair had to be pulled from the head, or it just had to have a root attached? Because CIS and all those shows seem to do a awful lot with hairs that are just found, not pulled that still have roots attached?

 

Can you just snag some hair from your mom's brush? There should be at least some that have roots attached. Now if your father is the typical older guy with short hair, that may be harder to do. He may not have a comb or brush to work with, and it sounds like you need his more than your mom's unless it's the switch at the hospital part.

 

Secondly, going with the switched theory, are you thinking you and this girl may have been switched? Have you tried locating her? Facebook? Classmates.com? That type of thing? "Hey I was thinking of you, how are are you? How is your family?" If she starts talking and telling you her parents have been having the same issues as you, well then I think you have your answer. And she may have the same thoughts as you still today, and depending on her family dynamics, it may be easier getting samples from her family.

 

Good luck. For a long time I thought I was my dad's from his first marriage. He got me, and his first wife got my half sister, that I knew about but never met. (**** that Parent Trap movie! LOL!) That got disproved later on based on dates and other information, but I still to this day don't see any resemblence to my mother in just about any way. My dad yes, but not my mom.

[CactusPair]

Personally, I would be burning up with curiosity, but I still would not pursue it if my parents were resistant. I would put my desire aside and respect their larger need for privacy, if indeed, one or both of them isn't being forthcoming. I think I may even begin to accept that my dad may not be my bio dad, as that scenario makes the most sense, but I wouldn't confront him or my mom.

 

Since adolescence I have suspected that I was a have-to-get-married baby. I have reason to suspect my parents didn't even marry until the month before I was born.

 

My mom has made a few comments in the last few years, but she still has never admitted it to me and I have never asked. My dad and grandparents have never, ever even hinted at the real situation.

 

I figure it is still really important to them to maintain their privacy for reasons they feel strongly about. I don't understand why after 40 years no one can talk about it, but I accept and respect their wishes. There are lots of things I would not my parents or kids to know about, even if they felt it concerned them.

 

Thanks for sharing your interesting story! It is a dilemma.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Would you believe I met a girl in the church I grew up in, who was born on the same day, in the same hospital that I was... and she and I used to talk about how we were nothing like our other family members???

 

 

Are you like her other family members? Do any of them have the health problems you are having? Long shot, perhaps, but another thing to check out.

[Karen sn]

Dear Lisa,

 

 

About the blood types....I am A+, my husband is B-. We live overseas and had to get all of our five children tested for their blood types in case of an emergency. We have FIVE different blood types in our family, including universal donor and universal recipient. Our doctor laughed, said he's never seen anything like it, it is extremely rare to have so many different types, but it is possible! We like to say we are a blood bank in a famiily.

 

Also, both my husband and I are blue eyed. One of our children has greenish-blue eyes. I googled if blue eyed parents could produce brown eyed children, and it is possible.

 

Because the science of genetics is so new, maybe your grandparents or great grandparents (or even further back) could have had these conditions, but you didn't know about it....they don't always show up, even if you have the gene. (One of the reasons I don't ever want to have that type of genetic testing.)

 

Hope it makes you feel a bit better...I am not a scientist by any means, but I do know the blood type thing can happen, just as you have described, based on genetic inheritance.

 

Have a good day,

Pamela

 

Do you have a link?

It has been YEARS since I studied it, but blue eyed people are bb and brown eyed can be BB or Bb.

You have to have at least one big B to have brown eyes. So - if 2 folks have bb where would the big B come from for brown eyes?

 

Blue eyes are recessive. If your mom has them and your dad has them - you get the small b from your mom, and a small b from dad and you are blue. If your parents are both bb - there is no B to make them brown.

[Alice]

About the blood types....I am A+, my husband is B-. We live overseas and had to get all of our five children tested for their blood types in case of an emergency. We have FIVE different blood types in our family, including universal donor and universal recipient. Our doctor laughed, said he's never seen anything like it, it is extremely rare to have so many different types, but it is possible! We like to say we are a blood bank in a famiily.

 

 

 

This is different though because it is genetically possible to come up with all the different blood types if you have A+ and B- parents. That shouldn't be possible with the OP's stated blood types.

 

One possibility with the blood types is that one of your parents is wrong about theirs. It happens not infrequently, which is why you would always be tested again before receiving a transfusion. In fact during my 1st pregnancy my dh was sure he was A-, I am also A-. When our 1st son was born he was A+. Not possible. I looked at dh and said "Well, I'm pretty sure he's yours. :)" When dh's sister came to the hospital I asked her about dh's blood type (she is a physician and the medical memory in their family) and she immediately said "He's A+". Dh just remembered it wrong most of his life.

[Mere2]

Ok here is my take:

 

Blood types: its not as simple as I'm B+ or O - negative.....it is actually more complicated than that and your blood group consists of several different types....eg - in real life I am B+, my husband is O+ but our DD is 0- From high school biology you would say that it is not possible for our DD to be 0- as we should have a B+ or an O + child. However what it might be is that I am a B+0- and my husband is a 0+0-, so hence our DD is a O-. We were sitting in the hospital, as my DD was about to go into surgery when we started reading her blood type report. You can imagine how huge my eyes were when we read the report. (not knowing about the secondary blood types etc.) Very kindly a doctor explained the complexities of the grouping of blood types (to which I have not written it very well.)

 

So what I am saying is that it in entirely possible for you to have your blood type and your parents to be your biological parents.

 

As for heritary stuff: well I have a genetic blood disorder and yep no one in my family has it. My son has a congential muscle disease and yet again no one has it as well in the family. So my conclusion is that heritary stuff or congenital stuff is just a word......mutations do occur and so do skipping generations. (There is no question as to who are my bio parents or my children.)

 

Genetics is really in its infancy interms of all these complicated medical stuff....whilst I am no doctor, I am however a mother who spends alot of time and money and brain power on medical issues (for my son.) Really the genetical side of things in his treatment and his diagnosis has played less than 1 % in all of these appointments. Genetics may provide an indication of likely medical issues but only an indication. Its your DNA that is more important, not what your parents DNA is.

 

If you personally/emotionally need to know who your bio parents are, then yes persue it........however dont base your judgement on finding out on medical reasons. Genetics and mutations are far to complex and deceptive to base your reasoning upon.

 

Wishing you the best. :grouphug:

 

From another person who is going to donate her body to medical science when they die.

Fi

Edited April 21, 2009 by Mere2

[TraceyS/FL]

Personally I would pursue it. It should be done gently and perhaps in a letter. It might takes years to find the truth, but I would find subtle ways to work a question in here or there.

 

Here's why I say that. There is a possibility that my mother does not have the same father as the rest of their siblings. She has always had that feeling. There are multiple incidents to suggest this is the truth. She is now in her 70s and her parents are both deceased. The only other person that may know that truth is in her 80s and refuses to discuss it. It has been emotionally devastating for my mother and she still wants to resolve this. Every few years it hits her. She feels like no one is willing to tell her the truth.

 

:grouphug: I know that must be hard for you to even pose this question to your parents.

My Mom is adopted, and her mom kept the fact that she was in contact with her bio mom for too long. There are medical reasons - and my grandmother refused even at that time. By the time my mom did meet bio mom, she wasn't willing to share her history, or divulge bio dad info.

 

That info is now all in the grave, and my mom still struggles with some medical things of not knowing. So far none of it has impacted my brother and I - but she worries greatly about that too.

 

Given all you have going on, i'd strongly suggest pursuing it - at least starting with testing your brother.

 

IT won't be easy at all, but your kids deserve you knowing as much as you can too.

 

:grouphug:

[Jenny in Florida]

Would you believe I met a girl in the church I grew up in, who was born on the same day, in the same hospital that I was... and she and I used to talk about how we were nothing like our other family members???

 

 

And, the baby picture the hospital sent home of "me" didn't look like "me"?

(My mom STILL talks about that).

 

Speaking of cans of worms: There's an episode of the radio program This American Life that tells a story of two girls in the same town who were accidentally switched in the hospital.

 

http://www.thislife.org/Radio_Episode.aspx?sched=1253

 

Not to give you anything else to worry about, of course . . .

 

Honestly, if it were me, I'd have to know. I don't think it would change anything big in my life (other than the medical stuff, which I do think is reason enough to pursue this), but I'd otherwise spend the rest of my life wondering.

 

As someone else said, I'm not good with uncertainty.

[Jenny in Florida]

First, did they say the hair had to be pulled from the head, or it just had to have a root attached? Because CIS and all those shows seem to do a awful lot with hairs that are just found, not pulled that still have roots attached?

 

I just have to caution against using CIS in this context. We have a friend who works in forensics who refers to those shows as "the forensic science comedy hour."

 

But, yes, I'd definitely ask if getting something from a brush was a possibility.

[LisaKinVA]

Are you like her other family members? Do any of them have the health problems you are having? Long shot, perhaps, but another thing to check out.

 

No. There is no family history of these issues on my mom's side either... well except for brown eyes (her great-grandmother on her mother's side had brown eyes).

 

None of my grandparents share these issues. I don't know about the cholesterol thing, because I do believe that's pretty new. I know my only living grandmother (mom's mom) does not have high cholesterol. She has high blood pressure (my BP is more like my dad's, regularly 100/60 to 90/50). No one in my mom's family has liver disease that wasn't induced by alcohol.

 

So...other than my mother having one missing tooth and my mutating that to nine (which is completely possible, as thus far I have one child who is only missing one, and one child not missing any), my health history does not mirror anything on either side of the family.

[LisaKinVA]

Ok here is my take:

 

Blood types: its not as simple as I'm B+ or O - negative.....it is actually more complicated than that and your blood group consists of several different types....eg - in real life I am B+, my husband is O+ but our DD is 0- From high school biology you would say that it is not possible for our DD to be 0- as we should have a B+ or an O + child. However what it might be is that I am a B+0- and my husband is a 0+0-, so hence our DD is a O-. We were sitting in the hospital, as my DD was about to go into surgery when we started reading her blood type report. You can imagine how huge my eyes were when we read the report. (not knowing about the secondary blood types etc.) Very kindly a doctor explained the complexities of the grouping of blood types (to which I have not written it very well.)

 

So what I am saying is that it in entirely possible for you to have your blood type and your parents to be your biological parents.

 

As for heritary stuff: well I have a genetic blood disorder and yep no one in my family has it. My son has a congential muscle disease and yet again no one has it as well in the family. So my conclusion is that heritary stuff or congenital stuff is just a word......mutations do occur and so do skipping generations. (There is no question as to who are my bio parents or my children.)

 

Genetics is really in its infancy interms of all these complicated medical stuff....whilst I am no doctor, I am however a mother who spends alot of time and money and brain power on medical issues (for my son.) Really the genetical side of things in his treatment and his diagnosis has played less than 1 % in all of these appointments. Genetics may provide an indication of likely medical issues but only an indication. Its your DNA that is more important, not what your parents DNA is.

 

If you personally/emotionally need to know who your bio parents are, then yes persue it........however dont base your judgement on finding out on medical reasons. Genetics and mutations are far to complex and deceptive to base your reasoning upon.

 

Wishing you the best. :grouphug:

 

From another person who is going to donate her body to medical science when they die.

Fi

 

Thank you for this...

[Pamela H in Texas]

Lisa, I'm like 5 pages late, but could you do it like:

 

1) ask for hair samples as part of a genetic testing for your children (not lying as their grandparents' health is relevant)

 

2) or ask for hair samples for an experiment for the kids. Make sure you get enough that you can actually have the kids do it.

 

But then what are you going to do if you find out? Keep that information from them the next 20 years?

 

One thing....could there not have been any impropriety on the part of your mother, but instead a hospital mix up or something? I kinda think that they don't have to be "outed" for some sin (I definitely could see an issue with exposing a 30some yr old secret). Or it could be "in the name of science;" basically, learning more about genetics.

 

Anyway, I'm sure you got better ideas but this is just what I thought of off the top of my head.

 

BTW, did you see the information on TLC or Discovery Health (not sure which) on Chimeria? Even something like THAT would be possible (not likely, but)....Like the other poster said, genetics testing is just not a sure science. They keep learning more and more and the scriptures say that we can NEVER know ALL the works of God's hands! So it could be VERY likely they are both your parents and there just isn't an explanation yet.

Edited April 21, 2009 by 2J5M9K

[LisaKinVA]

Anyway, I'm sure you got better ideas but this is just what I thought of off the top of my head.

 

BTW, did you see the information on TLC or Discovery Health (not sure which) on Chimeria? Even something like THAT would be possible (not likely, but)....Like the other poster said, genetics testing is just not a sure science. They keep learning more and more and the scriptures say that we can NEVER know ALL the works of God's hands! So it could be VERY likely they are both your parents and there just isn't an explanation yet.

 

WOW... a human chimera... WOW. That's some fascinating reading... Especially how parts of your siblings DNA could wind up inside you, because they can remain in your mother and then cross back to the placenta.

 

That could potentially mean that part of my half-brother is inside me... or maybe my dad is a chimera, and I got a chimera sperm -- which throws blood type to heck and back, or all sorts of things!

 

As for looking like my parents... one sees what one wants to see. When I look at my children, I don't see myself. Three of them look very much like their dad, and one doesn't look like anyone else in the family -- she doesn't look like me as a child at.all. But, every one of them, blond and blue-eyed, brown & brown eyed, hairy, smooth, curly hair, straight hair -- are all mine. No chance of THEM being switched at birth!

Edited April 21, 2009 by LisaK in VA

[Aubrey]

My older bro would NOT keep a secret (we are not close... and he tends to take pleasure in causing me grief). My younger brothers WOULD, however, keep a secret. My older (from everything we've been told) is my half brother. My younger siblings are supposed to be full-brothers.

 

I believe my youngest brother would do this and keep the secret. It would tell me everything I "need" to know for now.

 

I hadn't even thought of this approach. Thanks.

 

Sorry--I thought I'd read that you had an older half sib & an older full sib.

 

I do think one who can keep a secret would be a good start.

 

GL.

[Alice]

 

Blood types: its not as simple as I'm B+ or O - negative.....it is actually more complicated than that and your blood group consists of several different types....eg - in real life I am B+, my husband is O+ but our DD is 0- From high school biology you would say that it is not possible for our DD to be 0- as we should have a B+ or an O + child. However what it might be is that I am a B+0- and my husband is a 0+0-, so hence our DD is a O-. We were sitting in the hospital, as my DD was about to go into surgery when we started reading her blood type report. You can imagine how huge my eyes were when we read the report. (not knowing about the secondary blood types etc.) Very kindly a doctor explained the complexities of the grouping of blood types (to which I have not written it very well.)

 

 

This is not the same as "secondary" blood types. There are many minor blood types that are not mentioned when you say A+ or O-. ABO refers to one specific protein on the red blood cell. You can have the A type, the B type or neither which is O (O is actually not it's own protein but instead is the absence of A or B). So if you are type A you can either be AA or AO genotype which are both expressed as A phenotype. Type B can be BB or BO...both expressed as type B. O can only be OO. AB is only AB. Rh is a separate blood type and can either be "positive" meaning you express the Rh factor or negative meaning you don't. An Rh positive phenotype can be either +- genetically or ++. Someone who is Rh negative phenotype can only be -- genetically. Hope that makes sense.

 

Your example is correct, someone with type B blood and type O blood can have a child with type O blood as you described. My dh and I are both type A, one of our sons is type O which would mean we are both AO genetically and both passed on the O to him.

 

However, in the original poster's example, one parent was type O and one was type B and she is type AB. This should not be possible. The O parent would be OO and the B parent could be either BO or BB. They could have children who are BO genetically, expressed as type B or OO gentically expressed as type O blood. But there is no A to pass on and so should not be able to produce a child who is type AB.

 

It's possible that the parents are mistaken about their blood type or that they were typed incorrectly at some point, or the information was written down wrong. That's certainly happens.

 

Eye color is more complicated. In high school biology they use eye and hair color as an example of classic Mendelian genetics. However, both are more complicated and are caused by multiple genes. There are a whole lot more eye colors than brown and blue. Green, hazel, shades of brown, grey etc. There is also something called "expressiveness" which means that sometimes you will have a gene that is not expressed or expressed variably. So a "dominant" genotype might not be expressed even though it is present. In my own family I have red hair and my husband is Asian. You might expect that our kids would have black hair as red hair is recessive. Our first was born with reddish hair :) that has since changed to brown. Color is just much more complicated than one gene and so is difficult to assess with classic Mendelian genetics.

 

Not sure if that helps you at all, Lisa. I'm not sure what I would do in your situation. I would want to know the truth but I'm not sure I would want to know it at the cost that might come with it. One thing I thought was that it's possible this is a secret your Mom has kept from your Dad, and in that case it might cause pain beyond what the worth of the information is. It's a hard situation, regardless. :grouphug:

[Pamela H in Texas]

As for looking like my parents... one sees what one wants to see.

 

This is VERY true. Everyone swears my children don't look anything alike BUT those same people will say that each look JUST like me. How is THAT possible? LOL

[Just a Jen in Mississippi]

When I was 15, my dad had an affair with a young, also married, woman. She got pregnant, not really knowing who the father was. She and my dad ended up staying together (and still are after 18 years!). Her ex was furious with hatred for her and signed away any rights to that child before she was even born. My dad has raised her as his own in every way. But I firmly believe she isn't his. My dad and step mom both have blue eyes. The child has brown.....like the ex. She's always sorta felt different, but to this day does not know. I just think enough folks know that one day it will come out and she's going to feel deceived. She has a half sister out there too. Years ago when I was still a teengager, I confronted my dad about it. He was very defensive, but knows that biologically she wasn't his. But he has loved her and been more of a dad to her than my brother and me.

Anyway, I hope you come to peaceful terms regarding your situation with whatever you decide.

[Catwoman]

If it was me I would sit down with my mom and tell her I love her and dad and they would both always be my parents but I needed to be able to give my dr. accurate medical info, even if that was "I don't know". I would assure her that I didn't need to tell Dad anything but I needed an honest answer from her.

 

:iagree:

 

Let's face it, if there's one person on the planet who knows the truth, it's your mom -- unless the "switched at the hospital" scenario is true. Is there any way of getting in touch with the other girl (well, woman!) that you knew from church? It's an unlikely coincidence, but stranger things have happened.

 

I'm sorry you're worrying about this -- the good thing is that both of your parents are still alive, so you have an opportunity to learn the truth, if you decide to pursue it.

 

Personally, I would want to know the truth, but not necessarily because I'd want to go off on a search for a long-lost parent.

 

Whatever you decide to do, good luck, and :grouphug:.

 

Cat

[stripe]

I honestly wouldn't push it. I think a person definitely has a right to know who her parents are, and I completely understand the frustration and confusion, but unless there's some life-threatening need to know for medical reasons, it is more likely that this will be ugly, for only a minimal gain. I would examine your own health issues and not be concerned with whatever is inherited that no one else in your family has -- have your doctor focus on treatment. There are plenty of conditions that are not genetic, and people who have no clue who their parents are (not to mention people whose parents died young, before the onset of disease, etc) so doctors have to be able to look at only the patient without a full family medical review.

 

I agree that people see what they want to see with family resemblances. I have experienced this many times.... So I wouldn't worry about this aspect.