Is the South really that friendly?

[caitlinsmom]

It seems every book I have picked up lately (fiction or non) takes place in the south or talks about it. In every single one they talk about the general friendliness and the hospitality down there. Generally speaking is it really like this? I admit it sounds wonderful but I have my doubts that any place is really that friendly.

 

So tell me the truth here. :)

[Barb_]

Yes it really is, BUT.

 

People in the south have no trouble looking you in the eye with a great big smile and reaching around behind you to stab you in the back. It can be very difficult to read people if you are a transplant.

 

Barb

[1bassoon]

Yes, in some ways.

 

When we moved here from CT almost 4 years ago, I did think it was just a myth. But really, it's true! Sort of - let me 'splain. No, there is too much - let me sum up . . . :D

 

First, there is just more of a general cultural civility. (No flames, I'm being general, here, folks!) The cashiers at Wal-Mart, etc. talk to you. You are more likely to strike up a conversation with complete strangers. People make eye contact more, smile more, and are more willing to let you in a line of traffic. It is rare that you hear someone honk their horn at you, if you neglect to move right away when the light turns green. Life moves more slowly. When you see someone you know, out in public, it would be RUDE to just give a wave and move on. You are expected to stop and chat for a minute or two.

 

HOWEVER - there is definitely the "Bless Their Heart" mentality. As in, you can say whatever unkind thing you want, as long as you say it with a smile, and add "Bless their heart!" afterwards. Such as, "Well, now, honey, she just doesn't know how to clean her house, now, does she? Bless her heart. . . . ." Northern translation: "Wow! It's a pigsty in here!"

 

HOWEVER - and my dh has more experience with this than I do - people will be sweet and syrupy to your face, and stab you behind your back to other people. In the north, they just tell you what the problem is outright, or they ignore you or give you the silent, cold treatment.

 

And a final thought. It is harder to find people with whom you can be close, honest, and transparent with in the South. It's easier to make acquaintances, and harder to make friends.

 

And if you don't agree with me. . . .well, then, "Bless your heart!" :D

 

 

Ymmv, jmho, and all those other acronyms, of course!

[1bassoon]

It can be very difficult to read people if you are a transplant.

 

:iagree:

 

We posted at the same time, Barb - and I think what you said above is what made my dh's job situation down here so diffficult. It took him about a year to figure out how to read what was actually going on - he's born & bred New Englander.

 

Good point.

[muffinmom]

Yes it really is, BUT.

 

People in the south have no trouble looking you in the eye with a great big smile and reaching around behind you to stab you in the back. It can be very difficult to read people if you are a transplant.

 

Barb

 

 

As someone who's lived 90% of her life in the South, I would say, yes, the South is generally very friendly, particularly to visitors. We seem to want to go out of our way to help others and show hospitality. What Barb refers to is quite a broad generalization, and I don't think it's accurate as a rule. I think it's more about individual people. I could see that happening more after you've gotten to know a certain someone...they might be still polite to your face even if they didn't have your best interests at heart, whereas in another part of the country, they might just tell you to your face what they think.

[battlemaiden]

:iagree:

Yes, in some ways.

 

When we moved here from CT almost 4 years ago, I did think it was just a myth. But really, it's true! Sort of - let me 'splain. No, there is too much - let me sum up . . . :D

 

First, there is just more of a general cultural civility. (No flames, I'm being general, here, folks!) The cashiers at Wal-Mart, etc. talk to you. You are more likely to strike up a conversation with complete strangers. People make eye contact more, smile more, and are more willing to let you in a line of traffic. It is rare that you hear someone honk their horn at you, if you neglect to move right away when the light turns green. Life moves more slowly. When you see someone you know, out in public, it would be RUDE to just give a wave and move on. You are expected to stop and chat for a minute or two.

 

HOWEVER - there is definitely the "Bless Their Heart" mentality. As in, you can say whatever unkind thing you want, as long as you say it with a smile, and add "Bless their heart!" afterwards. Such as, "Well, now, honey, she just doesn't know how to clean her house, now, does she? Bless her heart. . . . ." Northern translation: "Wow! It's a pigsty in here!"

 

HOWEVER - and my dh has more experience with this than I do - people will be sweet and syrupy to your face, and stab you behind your back to other people. In the north, they just tell you what the problem is outright, or they ignore you or give you the silent, cold treatment.

 

And a final thought. It is harder to find people with whom you can be close, honest, and transparent with in the South. It's easier to make acquaintances, and harder to make friends.

 

And if you don't agree with me. . . .well, then, "Bless your heart!" :D

 

 

Ymmv, jmho, and all those other acronyms, of course!

 

and LOL.

 

We had barely crossed the border of Kentucky when we moved south from Minnesota when we stopped for lunch. I remember walking across the parking lot and being stopped twice by strangers commenting on the size of our dog, our kids, etc. It had been so long since people randomly spoke to us in public that my husband and I were taken back. And we're both southerners by nature!

 

Definitely different.

 

Jo

[Angela in GA]

Yes it really is, BUT.

 

People in the south have no trouble looking you in the eye with a great big smile and reaching around behind you to stab you in the back. It can be very difficult to read people if you are a transplant.

 

Barb

 

 

:iagree:

[katemary63]

We are from WI and IL - lifelong - and moved to Arkansas 5 years ago. We definitely think people are friendlier here. Even my son, who hates it here, said he had to admit that that was true.

 

People wave to you through the windshield of their pick up truck as they pass you on the road. Actually, I think it's a rule. If you are driving a pick-up truck and pass another pick-up truck, you have to lift the fingers of the hand on top of the steering wheel in a wave like gesture. I have learned to do it almost automatically now! ( I do drive a big, red, Ford 3/4 ton truck now :D)

 

Everyone says hi almost without exception when they walk by you. Store clerks and cashiers ARE more friendly and chatty and everyone says, "I appreciate you." or rather, "preciatcha" ( That's "Thank you" in AR). If you stop by someone's house, THEY WILL FEED YOU. Or invite you to do what ever they are doing. I just visited my neighbor while he was out in his garden and he said, "Now if you want to help me plant these taters, I won't be mad atcha!" It was so cute.

 

We LOVE it here and the friendly people are a big part of the reason why. That's not to say that we haven't met people we don't like. This is "in general." But as for being stabbed in the back by these friendly folks...I haven't been stabbed yet. :001_huh:

Edited March 26, 2009 by katemary63

[Scarlett]

Yes, in some ways.

 

When we moved here from CT almost 4 years ago, I did think it was just a myth. But really, it's true! Sort of - let me 'splain. No, there is too much - let me sum up . . . :D

 

First, there is just more of a general cultural civility. (No flames, I'm being general, here, folks!) The cashiers at Wal-Mart, etc. talk to you. You are more likely to strike up a conversation with complete strangers. People make eye contact more, smile more, and are more willing to let you in a line of traffic. It is rare that you hear someone honk their horn at you, if you neglect to move right away when the light turns green. Life moves more slowly. When you see someone you know, out in public, it would be RUDE to just give a wave and move on. You are expected to stop and chat for a minute or two.

 

HOWEVER - there is definitely the "Bless Their Heart" mentality. As in, you can say whatever unkind thing you want, as long as you say it with a smile, and add "Bless their heart!" afterwards. Such as, "Well, now, honey, she just doesn't know how to clean her house, now, does she? Bless her heart. . . . ." Northern translation: "Wow! It's a pigsty in here!"

 

HOWEVER - and my dh has more experience with this than I do - people will be sweet and syrupy to your face, and stab you behind your back to other people. In the north, they just tell you what the problem is outright, or they ignore you or give you the silent, cold treatment.

 

And a final thought. It is harder to find people with whom you can be close, honest, and transparent with in the South. It's easier to make acquaintances, and harder to make friends.

 

And if you don't agree with me. . . .well, then, "Bless your heart!" :D

 

 

Ymmv, jmho, and all those other acronyms, of course!

 

This was just a precious description of southern life---bless your heart. :)

(says Scarlett--raised and living in the south)

[Sophia]

Yep, everything Heather H said!

I've been here 8 years (Georgia) have many, many friendly acquaintances, but wouldn't you know it~the one real friend I've made is from the North!

[Scarlett]

We are from WI and IL - lifelong - and moved to Arkansas 5 years ago. We definitely think people are friendlier here. Even my son, who hates it here, said he had to admit that that was true.

 

People wave to you through the windshield of their pick up truck as they pass you on the road. Actually, I think it's a rule. If you are driving a pick-up truck and pass another pick-up truck, you have to lift the fingers of the hand on top of the steering wheel in a wave like gesture. I have learned to do it almost automatically now! ( I do drive a big, red, Ford 3/4 ton truck now :D)

 

Everyone says hi almost without exception when they walk by you. Store clerks and cashiers ARE more friendly and chatty and everyone says, "I appreciate you." or rather, "preciatcha" ( That's "Thank you" in AR).

 

We LOVE it here and the friendly people are a big part of the reason why. That's not to say that we haven't met people we dont' like. This is "in general." But as for being stabbed in the back by these friendly folks...I haven't been stabbed yet. :001_huh:

 

Dover? Are you kidding me? Got close relatives there. My what a small world.

[springmama]

I'm a transplant. We moved from PA to AL about 5 years ago. I would say that yes, people in the south are much friendlier. I am always shocked when we go back up north (dh is from MA and I grew up in PA) and other people don't help when I need it, or accept help when I try to help them and they certainly don't make conversation with me.

 

I'll give a few examples of things that happened down here within the first month of moving here-

 

I took my dds to an event called Trade Days. An older gentlemen was selling gorgeous handmade wooden rockers for $80 each. My youngest child absolutely fell in love with one and I wanted to buy one for her. The man didn't accept credit cards and I didn't have enough cash on me. He told me to take it with me and mail him a check. It was so generous of him!

 

There is a produce stand down the road from me. We live in a busy suburb and this place has obviously been around longer than any other business in town. They close at 5 but leave a bucket outside so you can pick you veggies and pay when they are not there to take your cash. The woman who runs the place has told me that no one has ever stolen from them. They have surveillance cameras out so they would know for sure if it has happened and it never has.

 

Also, I have the best friends ever and I've met them all here in AL. All of them are good Christian women who would do anything to help another. These are people who have paid others rent, purchased others monthly groceries, cosigned leases, and so much more to help those who they barely knew and who probably didn't deserve it. It's inspiring.

 

Before moving here, I never knew so many amazing people all at once.

[Geo]

Well, I live in the Smokey Mountains of western, NC. We moved here 15 years ago. Yes, I would say it is friendly, but different in it's friendliness. The locals here would stand and visit (jaw) at the fence with a total stranger for an indertiminable length of time-but you'd probably never become a close friend of the family. You see, in these mountains are alot of scottish clan folk. They move in a strong family "circle-of-trust". I am not sure they are even aware they are like this. I am not saying they are suspicious, no, not at all. If you forget your wallet at home, the store owner would let you pay next time your in town, even if he hardly knew you. It's just better described as "clan-ish". Upon meeting you, they often ask your last name immediately. If it's not "Duvall, Crawford, McCollum Moore, or McCall, they look a little puzzled. It helps if "yin's kin" (you are kin). Most folks just run in their family circles, particularly the old timers. It's not as pronounced as when we first moved here. Like alot of americana, it's dying with it's people. Being originally from Denver, Colorado, then Ft.Lauderdale FL...I'd take the old Scots any day. I love living here.

Geo

Edited March 26, 2009 by Geo

[Remudamom]

Hmm, I grew up in the South and will defend it to the death, but for the most part we are very clannish. In Ttown you had to go to the right church, school, belong to the right sorority, country club, move in the right circles. Which we did. I had no clue what snots we were.

[katemary63]

Dover? Are you kidding me? Got close relatives there. My what a small world.

 

Too funny! And considering that another addage about small towns in the south is, "Everybody knows everybody." I prolly know them! :lol:

[FriedClams]

After 15 years here - I would say polite, but not always friendly.

[Kelli in TN]

Yes, absolutely. And what the one poster said about the "bless your heart" mentality, yes, absolutely.

[newlifemom]

let me 'splain. No, there is too much - let me sum up . . . :D

 

 

When you quote great movies like that I will agree with almost anything you say. :lol:

[caitlinsmom]

:) Thanks all.

Anyone have a comparison moving from the West coast to the south? I have to say the "clan-ish" thing sounds a little like my town here in Idaho. Its a small town with only 3000 and everyone knows everyone, their business, their cousins, ect. Being a transplant I have a lot of aquaintances and a few friends but no one I could call up and cry on their shoulder. They all have their families for that sort of thing.

Edited March 26, 2009 by caitlinsmom

[Geo]

" People wave to you through the windshield of their pick up truck as they pass you on the road. Actually, I think it's a rule. If you are driving a pick-up truck and pass another pick-up truck, you have to lift the fingers of the hand on top of the steering wheel in a wave like gesture. I have learned to do it almost automatically now! "

 

Absolutely! Anything else would be un-neighborly!

 

Geo

[newlifemom]

:) Thanks all.

Anyone have a comparison with the West coast? I have to say the "clan-ish" thing sounds a little like my town here in Idaho. Its a small town with only 3000 and everyone knows everyone, their business, their cousins, ect. Being a transplant I have a lot of aquaintances and a few friends but no one I could call up and cry on their shoulder. They all have their families for that sort of thing.

 

 

When we moved to Oregon last year, we found that many/most people would be friendly and say hi, but they wouldn't necessarily invite you in. An example, when we visited churches the people were very nice, but during lunch no one invited us to eat with them. KWIM. Now I am very outgoing and I pretty much forced my way in and they were/are great people. I am glad I did, but someone with less outgoing tendencies would probably say they were snobs or whatever. They are hard to get to know. That's all.

[linders]

The boys and I are about to move there and DH has been there going on a year. Like some other responders he says everyone is very friendly, but...He refers to it as a sort of passive-aggressive thing. People will say "Sure, no problem" to a request and then.just.ignore.you. Or actually do the opposite. It seems like a culture of avoiding direct confrontation, being civil at least on the face of things regardless of how you really feel.

 

Now, there is something to be said about more civility versus in-your-face directness, but I know it will be hard for me - I am so bad at "reading between the lines" if you will.

[Geo]

[quote It seems like a culture of avoiding direct confrontation, being civil at least on the face of things regardless of how you really feel.

 

Now, there is something to be said about more civility versus in-your-face directness, but I know it will be hard for me - I am so bad at "reading between the lines" if you will.

 

Oh sister, I know what you mean. After 15 years,. it's still hard for me at times. I am finally beginning to internalize that it isn't meant to just "blow you off". It's just a part of the unwritten social decorum. I have to remind myself that it's not personal...it's just their way. Church can be real interesting for me. I need to accept them and give them the benefit-of-the-doubt as much as they need to do the same for me.:001_huh:

 

Geo

[dalynnrmc]

Also, I have the best friends ever and I've met them all here in AL. All of them are good Christian women who would do anything to help another. These are people who have paid others rent, purchased others monthly groceries, cosigned leases, and so much more to help those who they barely knew and who probably didn't deserve it. It's inspiring.

 

Before moving here, I never knew so many amazing people all at once.

 

 

Okay. Now I'm going to cry. :crying:

 

I consider myself "from" a small rural town just north of Waco, TX - erm, that's halfway between Dallas and Austin, right on the highway... remember David Koresh? Yeah. Anyway.

 

We're currently living right smack in the middle of (okay in southeast) Austin. It's a whole different world here. People do NOT smile and wave on the streets, do NOT let you in traffic (don't get me started on traffic!), do NOT smile when you pass them in the isles, and look at you funny if you say anything other than "thanks" in the grocery store line. It drives me insane! You don't know how long it took me to STOP waiving at people when I pass them on the roads. (Yes, that waving from the truck thing is true.)

 

 

So, it might entirely depend on exactly where you are. In the big middle of a place like Austin or Dallas... a small-town gal like myself feels like I must have woke up in the big mean north! :lol:

 

*says she who is looking to buy a house 10 miles south of Austin because the people in Kyle said HI, HOWAHYA to me in the pie store!!*

[Ellie]

Okay. Now I'm going to cry. :crying:

 

I consider myself "from" a small rural town just north of Waco, TX - erm, that's halfway between Dallas and Austin, right on the highway... remember David Koresh? Yeah. Anyway.

 

We're currently living right smack in the middle of (okay in southeast) Austin. It's a whole different world here. People do NOT smile and wave on the streets, do NOT let you in traffic (don't get me started on traffic!), do NOT smile when you pass them in the isles, and look at you funny if you say anything other than "thanks" in the grocery store line. It drives me insane! You don't know how long it took me to STOP waiving at people when I pass them on the roads. (Yes, that waving from the truck thing is true.)

 

 

So, it might entirely depend on exactly where you are. In the big middle of a place like Austin or Dallas... a small-town gal like myself feels like I must have woke up in the big mean north! :lol:

 

*says she who is looking to buy a house 10 miles south of Austin because the people in Kyle said HI, HOWAHYA to me in the pie store!!*

Now, see, I live in Round Rock :-) and I see people doing all those things all the time--letting people in traffic, smiling at each other in the grocery store line, waving to people on the streets, all of it.

[Lovedtodeath]

My experience is that people in the midwest are stuffy and judgemental. Northeast, sotheast, and southwest are all friendlier than they are here.

[Danestress]

My parents moved here when I was three. My Mom is a Mid-Western girl. Somehow, she managed to find most friends from the Mid-West (and this was a pretty small place back then, so it wasn't just swarming with them). I've lived here most of my life. I love the South and I love Southerners, but I must say I also find it easier to make friends with women from the Mid-West. I've never even been to the Mid-West except to visit family!

 

I am, apparently, just more comfortable with sincere kindness and warmth, a lack of pretension, and a natural reserve. I'm not sure what conclusions one can draw from that, but my mother pointed out recently that in the five years I have been back, I have developed a wide circle of friends, but most of the women who are closest to my heart are from the Mid-West, and she's right. They are.

[Mandy in TN]

Hi, y'all!

 

I do indeed think people are friendlier in the South. People do wave, smile, and make eye contact. Last week I saw an elderly woman in the parking lot at the grocery that looked like she needed help. I paused the car and had the 17yo jump out to help her. When I drive, I make eye contact with other drivers. I motion for people to cut in front of me when they are trying desperately to turn or change lanes. With my kids I jokingly refer to things like that as my good deed for the day and try to do at least one everytime we go somewhere. Our small town even has a round-about square with no traffic lights. It's no problem.

 

Although I was born and raised here, I am not particularly touchy-feely, but in general Southerners are also more touchy. I mean they hug you, pat you on the back, and put their arm around you. At the very least they give high-fives- even I give high fives.

 

We call children that aren't our own pet names. When I am teaching at Kumon, I call the little peanuts- buddy, silly goose, funny bunny, sweetie, honey.

 

Mandy

[Aubrey]

Well, I live in the Smokey Mountains of western, NC. We moved here 15 years ago. Yes, I would say it is friendly, but different in it's friendliness. The locals here would stand and visit (jaw) at the fence with a total stranger for an indertiminable length of time-but you'd probably never become a close friend of the family. You see, in these mountains are alot of scottish clan folk. They move in a strong family "circle-of-trust". I am not sure they are even aware they are like this. I am not saying they are suspicious, no, not at all. If you forget your wallet at home, the store owner would let you pay next time your in town, even if he hardly knew you. It's just better described as "clan-ish". Upon meeting you, they often ask your last name immediately. If it's not "Duvall, Crawford, McCollum Moore, or McCall, they look a little puzzled. It helps if "yin's kin" (you are kin). Most folks just run in their family circles, particularly the old timers. It's not as pronounced as when we first moved here. Like alot of americana, it's dying with it's people. Being originally from Denver, Colorado, then Ft.Lauderdale FL...I'd take the old Scots any day. I love living here.

Geo

 

What a great description of the Scots! I married into a Scottish family, & this is really how they are. Once you're in, you're in--they treat me like I'm blood-related, & the loyalty is intense. If you're brought to dinner by one of them, say to another family member's house, you're part of the family for the day, for better or worse.

 

Since dh introduced me to his family as his fiancee, I have no experience being on the outside looking in, but I imagine being on the outside must be like being an orphan with his nose smashed against the window of a big happy family. You'd want desperately to be a part of what's going on inside. Coming from the family I came from, I feel like that orphan, brought inside before I could get a glimpse through the window.

 

The dc & I read "Always Room For One More" this yr--an old Scottish folktale, where the house bursts into pieces because the father of the family would invite just anybody in, insisting that there was always room for one more. That's *exactly* how they are. Dh's grandparents bought a house w/ attached rooms in the back so that people could come live w/ them if they needed to. It's not an heirloom house--it's a 3bed, 1 bath, 1100 sf or so w/out the add-on in the back, but dh's parents live there now, & for the last 20 yrs, the back rooms have *never* been empty. Dh's grmother insisted that someone had to keep the house so that there would always be a place for the family to go if they needed to.

 

Mil's Swedish, & it doesn't matter. Once you marry in, you're a Scot. You might not love a bunch of people living w/ you, but somehow, you can't stop yourself from inviting them & w/ your food & fireplace, making them better people. Dh is incredibly proud of the fact, too! :lol:

[ElizabethB]

OK, I just have to tell the story of what happened the first week I moved from the DC area to the Little Rock area of Arkansas.

 

I was in a parking lot trying to get out and did not have the right of way. The car on the road I was trying to get on stopped. I thought to myself, "That's too bad her car died." About 15 or 20 seconds later as she waved to me to let me know she was letting me in, I realized I was back in the South!

 

Seriously, that was the only thought I had after living with DC traffic and DC drivers for a few years, the only reason someone would stop is if their car died, there was no letting anyone in.

 

This is our 3rd time in Arkansas, and we like it here. People are friendlier, especially when driving!

[dalynnrmc]

Now, see, I live in Round Rock :-) and I see people doing all those things all the time--letting people in traffic, smiling at each other in the grocery store line, waving to people on the streets, all of it.

 

 

:lol: :lol: :lol: Well, that makes me feel a little better. Maybe that means it's just the not-necessarily-American-culture that surrounds the area where I live - just east of 35 off Wm Cannon. ;)

 

Again. I wanna move to Kyle. :tongue_smilie:

 

*waves from McKinney Falls State Park... practically*

[Dooley]

It's easier to make acquaintances, and harder to make friends.

 

And if you don't agree with me. . . .well, then, "Bless your heart!" :D

 

 

What the poster said above...yeah. We are Californians, moved to North Carolina. Very, very different. I am not one to really need girlfriends , good thing, because there are not many welcoming arms here. Weird.

[Dooley]

Should add, my dd was teased mercilessly about being from CA. There is still an anti-North sentiment and racial issues.

 

That being said, I did have to get used to waving at every single person in my neighborhood when I passed by. Its a rule you know.

 

They call Cary, NC - "Containment Area for Relocated Yankees". Funny.

[Trivium Academy]

I agree but only in the smaller towns where you're a newbie. Smaller towns where everyone knows everyone and their business are harder to 'get in'. By the time you figure out where the Old Wilson Place is that Mr. Irving has talked about everytime you've seen him for the last 6 years, someone else will be calling it the Smith house. Lol.

 

I like medium cities like Savannah and Charleston where the population isn't overwhelming but it isn't like you're likely to date your 5th cousin once removed. I'll wave to people in my neighborhood and my neighbors, I'll play nice in traffic but my business is my business.

 

As far as the North/South thing, there is a different pace to life, different priorities. Maine was the only place where I felt life slowed down even slower than the South, the absence of commercialism made each day seem to be longer. I was born in Massachusetts, have family in Ohio, Maine, Mass, and have lived in RI, Connecticut, Ohio, and Mass before moving to Florida and eventually SC and on my own, GA.

[TN Mama]

Also, I have the best friends ever and I've met them all here in AL. All of them are good Christian women who would do anything to help another. These are people who have paid others rent, purchased others monthly groceries, cosigned leases, and so much more to help those who they barely knew and who probably didn't deserve it. It's inspiring.

 

Before moving here, I never knew so many amazing people all at once.

 

I have lived in the Northeast and in the Southeast and not only do I feel people are more friendly down here, but I have to agree 100% with the above. I have the best group of friends that I've had in my life. These women are honest and fun and kind and loving and really I could go on and on. My husband has even commented on our fabulous friendships. I'd feel blessed with just one dear friend like that and instead I have several.

 

I don't think the South has a corner on kindness, but it has been my experience that in general people are more friendly here. I also don't think the South has a corner on backstabbing - experienced that quite a bit up North, too.

[Heather in Savannah]

Ok, as a far northerner, I would agree with many from the northern US. I have found the Southern friendliness to be pleasant....many posters are right, in that there will be a casserole on your doorstep when you need it, and word of encouragement, a kind enquiry....very sweet. However, my experience has been that that friendliness can be superficial. Up north, if someone makes friendly overtures to you, it means that they enjoy you and want to be your friend. I have had several situations which I read incorrectly down here....thought someone was interested in friendship but it never went past the sweet "neighbourliness". If you are a transplant, it can make you feel a little crazy at times. ;0

[MamaT]

I agree with Dooley, and I also live in NC. I grew up in North Florida, which I consider the South. We adopted our girls there (they are African-American) and never experienced any racism. We moved to NC, and WOW. I felt like I went back about 30 years.

 

While people are friendly here (polite to your face), I only have acquaintances with the people who are natives. My real friends are transplants to NC as well. The Good Ole' Boy mentality is alive and well here. There are confederate stickers on all the pick-up trucks and in a lot of people's yards.

[lynn]

I find the south not to be friendly at all. There are a lot of southern bells to be fake, they do not take to outsiders very well and pretty much the only time I have found someone to be friendly is when they want to sell me Mary Kay.

[Scarlett]

and pretty much the only time I have found someone to be friendly is when they want to sell me Mary Kay.

 

 

Ok. This made me laugh. I am always suspicious when someone wants to sell me MK. Unless I already know them reeeeealy well.

[Frelle]

Dooley: I live in Cary :) Been here for about 7 years.

 

I moved from Illinois to Nashville, TN about 12 years ago. I have enjoyed living in the south. I have not found much insincerity, I have found more generosity, and because I am a chatterbox, I enjoy the fact that strangers comment and compliment and interact with me more than they did in the midwest. I haven't been stabbed in the back, and have not as a rule been around people who say the "bless your heart" phrase when they are trying to insult.

[Dooley]

You know, I am thinking...we loved San Diego. Wonderful neighborhood, real friends...BUT, there was, I have to admit, hostility to people who were not locals. Especially at the beaches. I heard a lot of talk about "zoners" (people from Arizona who had the audacity to want to vacation in San Diego). I remember when I moved there in 1988 with an out of state plate, some were not friendly.

 

Do you think there is a bad feeling towards anyone who is not a local, in most states? I can imagine people feeling like "dang, all these people moving in and ruining ________ and clogging up the streets" and so on. Maybe how southerners express this is that superficial kindness.

[Jenny in Atl]

Been here 30 years (I was born in NYC, but my folks were from Los Angeles, CA). I'm married to a native Atlantan (a very rare thing... to find a native). Even after 30 years, to those from Atl, I'm still a northerner, even though my great grandmother was from Meridian MS. To those who have just moved here, I'm a southerner. :lol:

 

All very odd if you ask me.

[unsinkable]

Been here 30 years (I was born in NYC, but my folks were from Los Angeles, CA). I'm married to a native Atlantan (a very rare thing... to find a native). Even after 30 years, to those from Atl, I'm still a northerner, even though my great grandmother was from Meridian MS. To those who have just moved here, I'm a southerner. :lol:

 

All very odd if you ask me.

 

I was just in Atlanta for a funeral and a man I met was very proud that he was born IN Atlanta. He said the same thing as you -- it's rare.

[Peri]

that it is not a north and south issue but a big city vs. not so big city that is the difference. I grew up in Miami where walking down the street, no one would even give you the time of day. Just walk right past you like you don't even exist. The last time I checked Miami, FL was south. Nashville, on the other hand, has a more homey feel and stranger will say hllo and smile as you pass them by. As for the time of day and they will give it to you. Now TN is part of the south but I've heard the same thing about such environments in the north.

[MyThreeSons]

some random thoughts:

 

When we first moved here and needed to buy a car, dh found a van he liked at a used car dealer. The owner told him to "drive it for a couple of days" before making up his mind. No money down, no papers signed -- just trusted him with it.

 

Before we moved here, my fil had had a massive stroke and was bedridden at home. The owner of the barbershop in town (about 15 miles away), drove out to the house every few weeks to give Papa a haircut. He never took money for it, was never asked to do it or reminded it was time. He just did it because he knew Papa didn't like long hair.

 

I once made a bad turn and got our van stuck in a ditch. Within minutes, there was a guy with a pickup truck offering to pull me out.

 

I was surprised at first to find that, in many ways, there is more harmony across racial lines here than there was in CA. I see true friendships among black and white, from young kids to senior citizens.

 

Friendships are multi-generational as well. I know the parents of my friends, the grandparents of my kids' friends. Not just "nice to see you again", but well enough that we can have a conversation as friends ourselves.

 

I truly feel at home here.

[Just a Jen in Mississippi]

Well, I'm a born and raised southern girl, so I do not know any different. What I do know is that it was always so weird to be around my "Yankee" grandfather, who was always a little too brash and direct for my taste.

 

I also think it matters what part of the south you are in. I live in northern MS, in a relatively small city. I traveled to Atlanta (still in the south of course!) last year and was amazed at the difference in drivers. We sat in heavy downtown traffic with our blinker on forever trying to change lanes and NO ONE let us over. We also got ugly looks. That just wouldn't happen here! Even when a convention or something is letting out here, I always notice that most cars will let a car out in front of them. I do so appreciate that part of southern hospitality!:001_smile:

[Greta]

In my experience, people in the South are exceptionally friendly to strangers, vacationers, and newbies. They will go out of their way to help you and be kind to you . . . until they find out that you don't fit the very limited mold of what a "good Southerner" is supposed to be. If you are a liberal or a non-Christian (and I am both) or you do not dress conservatively enough or you like "strange" music or whatever, then all that sweetness turns sour pretty quickly, and usually in a very underhanded way, because they have to maintain their image of friendliness.

 

In the Northeast, I found people to be unbelievably rude (this was just my initial judgment, having grown up in the South) to strangers. But once you got to know them, they were every bit as kind as people in the South. I found them to be more up-front, honest, and direct, where people in the South would be syrupy sweet to your face and then do something hateful to you behind your back. Also, my dh, who grew up on the East Coast, explained to me that what I took as rudeness really wasn't intended that way. The culture there is of a mindset that, hey, I'm busy, you're busy, why waste each other's time with idle chit-chat? Whereas in the South, it's only polite to ask a stranger that you interact with in the checkout line how they are doing and how about this weather? and so on.

 

Now I live in New Mexico, and I love it here. Not sure what rural NM is like, but here in the mighty metropolis :lol: of Albuquerque, there is a good mix of different cultures (your more traditional types at the national lab and the military base, a large Hispanic population, fair number of Asians too, lots of crunchy "crystal gazing" types), so people are a lot less shocked if you don't fit their image of who you should be, and yet there's still some of that Southern friendliness. It's a pretty good mix.

[TXMomof4]

I am from SW Louisiana. I lived pretty much all over, including D.C. I find that in big cities you have a lack of 'friendliness". Houston, Atlanta, Dallas, etc. people might not let you into traffic but just a little ways down the road in the smaller cities, they smile and let you in. Heck, in San Angelo, TX, I've had people drive on the shoulder so I could pass them. I had my purse stolen in Lafayette, LA and the hotel manager bought me dinner and let me have a room until my Mama sent me money. I also think that when I am in the South, I am different and more approachable and people may be reacting to my attitude. My speech is much more clipped in the North because I have been teased about my accent, so I probably sound uptight and mean there. Back home, I relax and let my drawl roll so I seem more pleasant and kind. My expectations may lead me to see and feel what I do about the part of the country I am in. Sorry, I am rambling----need caffeine!

 

I think expectations probably play a bigger role in the big cities. My parents live in a teeny tiny pretend town in West Texas. They've only been there 5 years, but now EVERYONE in a 30 mile radius knows about me, my kids, dh, what we're doing, my children's favorite sport/activities, etc. I love going into a gas station in a little town and the clerk asks about dh and when he's coming home etc. And I myself am only out there probably once every other month.

Here in Dallas, overall the friendliness is still there, but it's too big and too busy to keep up with all of the going ons of everybody. Even my church (whose attendance is bigger than the population of the teeny tiny town) has some of that. I about passed out when someone asked me why my dh doesn't come to church. It blew my mind that they didn't know he was deployed. Then I thought back to last deployment when I was pg with #4. I wonder how many people assumed I was a "fallen woman" with my 3 girls, pg and no dh present! :lol:

[DB in NJ]

It seems every book I have picked up lately (fiction or non) takes place in the south or talks about it. In every single one they talk about the general friendliness and the hospitality down there. Generally speaking is it really like this? I admit it sounds wonderful but I have my doubts that any place is really that friendly.

 

So tell me the truth here. :)

 

In my experience, no. It is not. But hey, maybe it's me and this yankee accent of mine :tongue_smilie:

[elegantlion]

I'm a transplant from the mid-west to the south. I have mixed feelings. There is an ease down here different from the mid-west. However I thought when we moved I have neighbors come over and introduce themselves. Nope, not really. In three years I've gotten to know a few and we wave at the cars driving by. So the neighborhood feel I was hoping for is not here. That may have to do with overall modern neighborhood dynamics more than location.