Melinda Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 I know this sounds like an odd question. I definitely feel odd asking it, but should I be concerned about this? My oldest two children are only 14 months apart, and are often mistaken as twins. They are best friends and really depend on each other. They fight sometimes (at home), but mostly play together. Anytime we are away from home (at co-op, at their HS PE classes, out and about) they are *always* together. We were in a very relaxed co-op last semester, where they made friends easily. This semester, we have joined a more structured/academic co-op and neither of them has found a close connection with any of the other kids. We will be returning to our old co-op in the fall for sure. They are also both in two HS PE classes at the Y. They are well-behaved and the teachers compliment me on what a joy they both are to have. However, one of the teachers from the class that is like elementary school PE commented that the two kids take their cues from one another. For example, if H (4) decides not to participate in an activity because she doesn't want to be tagged "it", then J (5) will sit on the side with her and watch the class. He wants to be involved, but doesn't want to leave her and will not get up unless specifically asked if he would like to join in by the teacher. Another thing the teacher told me is that both kids are often shy (something I have never thought anybody would say about these two). They also stick very close to one another during the open gym segment of class. There has never been *any* abuse in our home, so I don't understand why he feels the need to protect her so fiercely. When the next session starts in a few weeks, the kids will be in separate classes. They will also be going to different day camps this summer. Would you be concerned about this behavior, or grateful that they love one another? I kind of feel both, but not sure how concerned I should be. I *wish* I had relationships with my siblings like these two do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TraceyS/FL Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 I *wish* I had relationships with my siblings like these two do. This sums it up. I wish that i had with my brother that is 7 years younger than me the relationship that my oldest/youngest have (all 3 of mine are close, but obviously those 2 are further apart than my brother & I). To me that is one of the biggest perks of homeschooling. How many of your close friends from that age do you still hang out with? Times change, outside friends change - but you will always be related and being close is something you can't go back and redo. They are young still.... but let them be friends! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 (edited) My kids were and are each other's best friends also. They didn't start fussing with one another until they were pre/young teens. Even still, they do everything together. They recently got cell phones and most of the texts are between one another. They just are buddies. I say ENJOY! ETA: The sister closest in age to me (just under a year) and I were best friends. We were completely different people but it worked out wonderfully. I'm glad I got that opportunity as a child, especially teen. I just wish we were as close now (we have no relationship now due to other family issues). Edited February 22, 2009 by 2J5M9K Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmrich Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 My sister and I are 14 months apart as well. People thought we had to be adopted because siblings don't get along that well. We elected to share a room when growing up and did almost everything together; we even passed notes at school. We still had our own friends and everything, but a lot of times I would choose to hang out with her as a teenager. Today (closing in on 40 years) we are still best friends, our kids are the same age, we talk on the phone daily; don't get me wrong we are VERY different people (she would never homeschool or make homemade bread:001_smile: etc..) I credit the fact that I won't need to see a counselor because I have a sister like mine! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MIch elle Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 It's WONDERFUL they are best friends!! My sisters are my best friends and they live 150 to 300 miles away. Think about all the friends that come & go in a lifetime - you're family is the most important! My dc are almost exactly 3 yrs apart and they are best friends (they won't admit it). My oldest is in high school now but still choses to spend all his free time with his brother or us, his parents. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Closeacademy Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 Enjoy the wonderful gift that God has given you. To have such a strong friendship between siblings is wonderful. And through homeschooling, they will be able to remain close friends rather than be told by teachers and other children that they can not be friends because they are not the same age, sex, grade, whatever. Don't let sour grapes ruin it for you. Enjoy.:001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 Given what you have said, I would not be worried at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbeyej Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 Your whole post, I thought you were worried about much older kids! But yours are *babies*! That relationship between them is precious, and they will expand beyond themselves as they get older. *If* you had been talking about kids 8-10 years *older* than yours, I would have encouraged you to start finding some individual activities for them, but they're still preschoolers! Just give them time and be thankful for the wonderful relationship they have! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 I have boy-girl twins in my preschool class, and I am actually going to recommend the parents separate them for next year, because I see too much caretaking by one, and it's limiting her own growth, as well as his. It's only a 3 hour program, twice a week, btw. But I don't think there's a problem in your instance. You will be separating them enough next year. Be glad they are such good friends--there's even a book out called Making Siblings Friends--see? You won't have to read that one! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 I think it is wonderful! My girls are the same way--most of the time. :D I have two brothers. The one closest to my age is 3 years younger. He and I have always been best friends! We did go through a time as young teens when we fought almost constantly, but we outgrew that. To this day, he is one of my best friends! And he lives 900 miles away from me. I wouldn't trade our relationship for anything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Only me Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 I think it is great. My ds 10 and dd 13 are best buddies. All three of my kids are close but those two have always gotten along the best. Even now that they are older they really do enjoy each others company. On most weekends my ds will sleep on her floor in his sleeping bag. They always have fun playing games, watching TV, etc. right up until bed time. My son is really going to miss his sister when she goes to private high school next year. He is already saying how sad he is about it. This doesn't mean that they don't have other friends. They are just "best friends". The thing about a sibling friendship is that it will last forever. My kids are already seeing how quickly other friends come and go and how many friends turn out to be fake. It's nice that they will always have each other for friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sasharowan Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 My two middle ones were like that. They are 19 months apart, but my dd is the older one. At 4 and 5, they did almost everything together and if apart, ds was lost. Dd is more confident and extroverted than he is. Now at almost 8 and 9, they still play together nicely but they also each have their own interests and friends. Give your two a few years and they will show more individuality. A lot of it is immaturity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 Your whole post, I thought you were worried about much older kids! But yours are *babies*! That relationship between them is precious, and they will expand beyond themselves as they get older. *If* you had been talking about kids 8-10 years *older* than yours, I would have encouraged you to start finding some individual activities for them, but they're still preschoolers! Just give them time and be thankful for the wonderful relationship they have! :D :iagree: My 4 and 6yo are like this. I love it! I make time for occasional playdates outside of eachother, but most of the time it's just the 2 together. My 11yo sometimes feels a bit envious, but the whole family really thinks it's precious. Don't worry! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 I say be grateful that they love each other and are so close. In the bigger picture, most friends are NOT friends for life--friends change as you move or as your life circumstances change. Family, however, are there forever (even in extremely dysfunctional families this is often the case). Thank God for the sweet relationship your little ones have, and think fondly of the lifetime of fun they will have together, as well as the lifetime of loving help and support they can offer each other. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 I don't think you have any thing to worry about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 My older brother and I are two years apart. We were close enough that no one, at school, realized we were related. Even now, if I need someone that understands where I'm coming from, my brother is an easy second to dh. Other people thought we were wierd, but who cares what they thought? We were never Flowers in the Attic close or anything, but I grew up with my best friend and that was much more important to me than the odd looks we'd get when our other friends realized we were sibs. I wouldn't be worried, be grateful! Blood is thicker than water and your kids have built a strong bond. Who would you have them put infront of their sibling? Can you think of anyone in this world you'd trust more than their own sibling to be a trusted friend? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarlaS Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 (edited) If there were two other "best buds" in that class that acted that way, would she have thought anything of it? I have definitely seen this behavior in non-siblings. Usually two little girls will buddy up and if one is not interested in something the other suddenly won't be either. This is not specific to siblings OR home schooled kids. I realize this is a class of homeschoolers, but not knowing this teacher's background that's the first thing that popped into my head. Oh, and they really are very young. Sound very sweet and totally normal to me. Darla Edited February 22, 2009 by darlasowders spelling Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 The protectiveness is disarmingly sweet, isn't it? Either one of my girls will stick up for the other if she feels it's needed. Enjoy it, I say. My girls are best friends too and I know I'm very lucky for that. My sister and I aren't close at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
6packofun Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 My 14yo ds and 13yo dd are 11 months apart and have always been buddies. They still hang out in each other's rooms and laugh their heads off, play games, etc. They also want to beat each other up on occasion, but it always passes. LOL I'm really glad that they have each other because our next 2 children are girls who are buddies and the last 2 are boys who are *becoming* buddies...hehe ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen sn Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 I *wish* I had relationships with my siblings like these two do. That was my thought as well! *Some* different activities would be good -like different classes now and then, but for the most part I think you (and they) are lucky. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommamia Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 Enjoy it!! I think it's wonderful. I have twins who are best friends....I used to worry and wonder if it was a bad thing. More and more, I'm realizing it is a special and wonderful thing. It's been recommended on this board before...but the book Hold onto Your Kids(can't think of the author-sorry) May help set your mind at ease. It's been very eye opening for me. And, please don't let what the teacher(as well meaning as she intended to be)said discourage you. YOU know your children and their personalities best. Mine can be she in some group settings. Other group settings, very outgoing. Just like me! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugarfoot Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 They sound like my kids, and their relationship is one of the things that I am most thankful for in my entire life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTMindy Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 Your whole post, I thought you were worried about much older kids! But yours are *babies*! That relationship between them is precious, and they will expand beyond themselves as they get older. *If* you had been talking about kids 8-10 years *older* than yours, I would have encouraged you to start finding some individual activities for them, but they're still preschoolers! Just give them time and be thankful for the wonderful relationship they have! :D I second what Abbey said. My kids almost never fought at that age, and they are still good friends, but.....they know how to fight now too. :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnnetteB Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 Our sibs are best friends, too. The older two were once mistaken for a "couple" with our youngest being mistaken as their offspring. They took the kindly spoken compliment to their little "family" in stride. When our eldest dd attended a Christian kindergarten her teacher told me that the only time our dd smiled and spoke in a "normal" voice was at the end of her school day when she ran to greet her brothers and I. She has outgrown her shyness, but not her love for her family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frontier Mom Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 My two oldest are 17 months apart and really close. However, I fail to see a problem. I think institutional settings imply that siblings can't be best friends but we stress to our dc's that they should be each other's best friend. Remember, friends come and go but family is forever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristusG Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 My girls are 3 years apart, but they are best friends. My oldest is almost 5 and my youngest is almost 2. Even at this age, they play constantly together. Yes, they do argue....but they also love each other to pieces. I would be so thankful if they continue to stay best friends like this. Friends will come and go throughout a lifetime....family will be there forever. What a blessing to have your best friend also be your sibling. When I hear them argueing I make sure that I tell them that sisters are very special and that they will be best friends forever so they need to treat each other nicely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nestof3 Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 First of all, they are young. I think it's great when young children are much more comfortable around family than around others. Family really is where it all starts and some are ready to branch out from it earlier than others. Our oldest, who was an only child for 8 years, was tossed from daycare to daycare to school and then different school. He meshed very easily with any children, but I think much of this started too young for him. I notice a stronger dependence on one another with Nathan and Ben who have been brought up differently. My oldest two children are only 14 months apart, and are often mistaken as twins. They are best friends and really depend on each other. They fight sometimes (at home), but mostly play together. Anytime we are away from home (at co-op, at their HS PE classes, out and about) they are *always* together. This sounds just like Nathan and Ben. At least weekly, someone asks me if they are twins (they are 20 months apart). They are best friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 My 16 yr. old and 17 yr. old are 16 months apart. They are very close and always have been. The did go through a stage where they fought sometimes but even then they were pretty close most of the time. When they were little one of them was the speaker and protector for both of them and then when they got older they changed places. My 12 yr. old and 9 yr. old fight more often but are probably still best friends. All of the girls are close though. My siblings were the same way but my hubby's not so much. It is a gift to be treasured and cultivated. Consider yourself and your dc blessed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamagina7 Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 We have 7 kids and #2 and # 3 (boy and girl) remind me of my brother and I growing up...he is still one of my favorite people on the planet! Our relationship was pure and a gift from God. But, not to sound dark, the world is a different place and as wise parents we need to always keep our eyes and ears open when our children don't know we are watching and listening. Ask the Holy Spirit to always put you and your husband in the right place at the right time to protect your kids. I would be naive and put my guard down, thinking "it" could never happen in our home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 It is a gift and a blessing and something to treasure. Meddlesome idiotic public school social science freaks decided to see what would happen if they screwed with us and separated us in 5th grade. No permission slips, no asking the family, just did it. My sister never got over the trauma, I was always her protector and they took her away. It wasn't that she didn't make other friends, she did but took to cutting to relieve the stress and mental pain. I won't go into the rest of her life and all the ill that came from her lack of self confidence and esteem but I will tell you that when she divorced, she moved in with our family, is happily married now but chooses to live here with her husband. I am firmly and utterly convinced, had they left us alone she would have been fine and spread her wings when she was ready to do so. She just liked to take her time with new things but they wouldn't let her. Sibling closeness is not to be a cause for concern. Listening to people who ought to mind there own business may be a very bad idea. Just my .02 and clearly bitter and biased but I shared because I care. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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