BMW Posted February 21, 2009 Share Posted February 21, 2009 She's been talking about it for well over a year. She's tried out a couple of new names and thinks she has the one that "sticks". Her dad told her that he named her after one of his "hot, red headed girl friends from high school" and that offends her now. (I am divorced) She tried Holly and Noelle and now she is trying Zoey. We are thinking of a middle name "Anne". Her last name is 2 syllables, accent on the first syllable. I am not thrilled with Zoey because it seems a little trendy. I think Chloe is similar and sounds nice and maybe not so trendy?? But, she really likes Zoey. Should we try it out for several months before making a legal change? I would let relatives know and I believe they will be supportive. I want to avoid going back and forth, trying out names and asking the school to change it, etc. She will start high school, so I'd like the same name for all 4 years... Any ideas or recommendations? Any beautiful recommendations for a snappy, fun, bright, pippy longstocking (but prettier!) girl? Thanks, Bee Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted February 21, 2009 Share Posted February 21, 2009 Call her whatever she wants and let her change it when she's 18. She needs time to really think this through. I wanted to change my name once, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted February 21, 2009 Share Posted February 21, 2009 Love the name Zoey...it means 'life'!:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted February 21, 2009 Share Posted February 21, 2009 I was told that you can fill forms out with a nick-name without legally changing it. I wanted to change my name at 14... because of how I was known (unpopular, flat chested, boring good girl), and I thought my french middle name would be a better fit. I could go into HS and change my identity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted February 21, 2009 Share Posted February 21, 2009 I like Zoey, too. Hey, can we vote on her new name? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dawn of ns Posted February 21, 2009 Share Posted February 21, 2009 I like Zoey but I wouldn't let her make it legal until she's of age and can do it herself. If the father is still in the picture somehow that would just be way too hurtful and provocative. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted February 21, 2009 Share Posted February 21, 2009 Call her whatever she wants and let her change it when she's 18. She needs time to really think this through. I agree. My daughter was having a name change (last) anyway so we did entertain the idea longer than maybe we should have. In the end, we decided she could change it at 18 if she so desired. I would be surprised if I found out that there wasn't a good percentage of kids who wanted to change their names sometime in childhood. And yet most don't turn around and do it at 18. How come? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GreenKitty Posted February 21, 2009 Share Posted February 21, 2009 I would allow my child to change their name now, if I didnt' have a problem with it. Also, unless her father would cause trouble for you all, then she would have to wait until 18. I believe it cost $50 here to change it legally. I like the name Zoey, though I do find it trendy, maybe using it as a nickname and lengthing it as another suggested? Have her look through baby name books:) I know a few people who wanted to change their names as kids and never did as an adult. I don't know why. Changing it early on would cause less problems maybe? Though later in life one just gets used to it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted February 21, 2009 Share Posted February 21, 2009 I wouldn't let her do it without his blessings, but I would let her change what everyone calls her - I just wouldn't make the legal change until she's 18 unless both parents are on board. I like the name Zoey (I've always seen it as Zoe) and I don't think it's at all "little girl" sounding. I always said our "name test" was "Ladies and gentleman of the jury, my name is ____________." Zoey works for me there - it sound professional enough for me. There are some names, espcially for girls, that just don't meet that test for me! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted February 21, 2009 Share Posted February 21, 2009 I don't think you should try to influence what she changes her name to. You already had your chance at it, and if she chooses to change it to something different, it should be entirely her choice. I like Zoe, although Zoey looks too 14-year-old pop star for me. I think Chloe is far trendier than Zoe. I know one Zoe and four Chloes. I'm in the "be called whatever you want, change it when you're 18" camp. When they call the old name at school, she just has to say, "That's my legal name but I'm called Zoey." Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragons in the flower bed Posted February 21, 2009 Share Posted February 21, 2009 I would be surprised if I found out that there wasn't a good percentage of kids who wanted to change their names sometime in childhood. And yet most don't turn around and do it at 18. How come? I did and it was a royal pain in the hootsy. At 18, you're dealing with all kinds of paperwork as part of the transition from high school to college, from your parents' home to your own home. If I had changed it at 14 (I wanted to, even then) it would have been a matter of changing three documents -- my birth certificate, my social security number, and my health insurance. I can't even count the number of papers I had to have reissued when I did it at 18, including my high school diploma. I still have both, one in each name. :) My state issued ID, my employee ID, my passport, my SS, my health insurance -- plus the inconvenience of explaining how my old insurance was in a different name -- my lease, my car's title. Also, there's more stigma when an adult changes their name. Zoe is about as trendy as Matilda would be if Disney produced a pop star with that name. It's ancient, Greek, and has been in use as a name for a hundred years in the U.S. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BMW Posted February 21, 2009 Author Share Posted February 21, 2009 Thanks, ladies! No, her dad is not in the picture in any way... looks like it will be that way until she is grown. Can't comment more unless it's pm. The reason I thought about doing it legally before 18 was the paperwork would be so minimal. Maybe we'll start with the high school and if it sticks over a year or so, maybe we'll change it at 16... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacy in NJ Posted February 21, 2009 Share Posted February 21, 2009 Call her whatever she wants and let her change it when she's 18. She needs time to really think this through. I wanted to change my name once, too. I completely agree. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy loves Bud Posted February 21, 2009 Share Posted February 21, 2009 If it were my child, I'd probably set a time frame (a year or so)for her to "live with it" and then help her with the legal change before she graduated from high school, to keep all the paperwork a bit more straightforward as she move forward in life. Bud is not Bud's real name. He's never been called by his legal name, and the only time it ever caused a problem was when the nun teaching his K class though he was deaf because he wouldn't answer roll call to his legal name. He had no idea what his real name was because he'd been called Buddy from birth! :lol: His SS, birthcert, marriage license, etc., all have his legal name, but everyone knows him as Bud, and most have no idea what his legal name is. She can go by Zoey without changing her name legally, and it's not really a big problem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted February 21, 2009 Share Posted February 21, 2009 I agree with changing it now. It is a royal pain to have dual names on legal documents that you will need to access. Highschool is one of them. We are in the process of changing dd2s name. We are her legal guardians until she is 18 and so we have to go through some extra steps to do it. You may find that you have to legally notify her father and he will have a say in whether or no she can change it. The judge will make the decision. If the father doesn't contest it, then there shouldn't be a problem. I don't think people should be stuck with a name they hate. I have always told my kids that they could change their names to what ever they wanted. Dd10 goes by about 5 different variations of her first and middle names. A name is a major part of someones identity, and if it doesn't fit a person, then it is very easy to change. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crissy Posted February 21, 2009 Share Posted February 21, 2009 Bud is not Bud's real name. He's never been called by his legal name... His SS, birthcert, marriage license, etc., all have his legal name, but everyone knows him as Bud, and most have no idea what his legal name is. She can go by Zoey without changing her name legally, and it's not really a big problem. My husband's situation is the same. He has been known as Corky since the day he was born, but that isn't his legal name. All of his documents show his legal name, but he is known personally and professionally by Corky. There are very few people who know his real name. He has never had any problems with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sara R Posted February 21, 2009 Share Posted February 21, 2009 Baby Name Voyager graph on the popularity of Zoe over the last 100 or so years Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
girligirlmom Posted February 21, 2009 Share Posted February 21, 2009 I specifically picked a middle name so my children would have an easy alternative. If they didn't like their first name at a certain age, they could use their middle name as a nickname. I have a child who changes their (improper plural so as to not identify) opinion regularly, meaning they might like a name this week, but then if they found out more about that name they might decide they don't like it next week or next month. For this child I would allow them to use a nickname or alternative name for awhile, like a year, before allowing any legal change only because this child might want to change it every year! I have another child who resists change. I would allow this other child to change their name if they really wanted to. I might also subject this child to a drug screening if this ever happens because it would be so unlike this child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FlockOfSillies Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 (edited) Any ideas or recommendations? Any beautiful recommendations for a snappy, fun, bright, pippy longstocking (but prettier!) girl? I have one of these! Her name is Lorrie (short for Lorraine). ETA: My neighbor used to have a male dog named Zoe. It's not one of my favorites, I guess. Chloe is very trendy right now, too. Edited February 22, 2009 by FlockOfSillies Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 I like Zoey too. As one who has changed her name three times now (and is back to her birth name although I havent changed it on message boards yet) I suggest you simply ask that she be called the new name and not worry about the legal aspect for now. Rarely did I have anyone upset about my name changes except immediate family who found it difficult (the first time) so after a point I didnt push it with them- (but in your daughter's case, I would push it with them and even explain why). Anyone else just apologised in advance for forgetting sometimes, then made the adjustment. I woudl let your daughter choose her name and you just support it. I did change my name my deed poll because I wanted my newer name on my marriage certificate. Then I stopped using that name a few years later....and apparently legally (this is Australia, dont know about the U.S.) I am fine to just go back and use my birth name. It feels wierd at first, but then it normalises. My dh found it harder to adjust this time even though I went back to my birth name- he never knew me by that! it has sounded very odd having him speak it. But it is becoming normal and he is finding ways to say it affectionately. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reya Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 She's been talking about it for well over a year. She's tried out a couple of new names and thinks she has the one that "sticks". Her dad told her that he named her after one of his "hot, red headed girl friends from high school" and that offends her now. (I am divorced) She tried Holly and Noelle and now she is trying Zoey. We are thinking of a middle name "Anne". Her last name is 2 syllables, accent on the first syllable. I am not thrilled with Zoey because it seems a little trendy. I think Chloe is similar and sounds nice and maybe not so trendy?? But, she really likes Zoey. Should we try it out for several months before making a legal change? I would let relatives know and I believe they will be supportive. I want to avoid going back and forth, trying out names and asking the school to change it, etc. She will start high school, so I'd like the same name for all 4 years... Any ideas or recommendations? Any beautiful recommendations for a snappy, fun, bright, pippy longstocking (but prettier!) girl? Thanks, Bee Name changes are a pain and are pricey (mine cost nearly $200). I changed my name for 100% practical reasons--my name was so popular that I had been going by my last name for several years to differentiate me from everyone else, and as I was getting married, I wanted a first name back. When I found one that still honored my semi-namesake just as well, that clenched it. But I wouldn't let a minor change her name over an offense like that. I'd let her have a bit more maturity for such a decision. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reya Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 BTW, I loathe Zoe (PLEASE, not Zoey!) because of the historical reference. The only famous Zoe was a Byzantine empress, and she was one of the worst of the Byzantine rulers. And that's saying something. To be named after an stupid, vain, spoilt brat who never grew up and murdered people who got in her way... *shudders* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alice Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 My niece (who is 17) has been going by a different name for the past 3-4 years. Her given name is Amanda, and the family calls her that. But when she was applying for high school she decided to put down the name Alex. So now in school she is known as Alex. Obviously, the school knows her real name for official reasons but as far as I know everyone calls her Alex. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reya Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 I did and it was a royal pain in the hootsy. At 18, you're dealing with all kinds of paperwork as part of the transition from high school to college, from your parents' home to your own home. If I had changed it at 14 (I wanted to, even then) it would have been a matter of changing three documents -- my birth certificate, my social security number, and my health insurance. I can't even count the number of papers I had to have reissued when I did it at 18, including my high school diploma. I still have both, one in each name. :) My state issued ID, my employee ID, my passport, my SS, my health insurance -- plus the inconvenience of explaining how my old insurance was in a different name -- my lease, my car's title. Also, there's more stigma when an adult changes their name. Zoe is about as trendy as Matilda would be if Disney produced a pop star with that name. It's ancient, Greek, and has been in use as a name for a hundred years in the U.S. I just carried around my old SS card, my court papers, and my new SS card and driver's license. I did it when I was marrying, anyhow, so it wasn't any additional pain.... All I have left under my old name is my SCUBA license. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 We have a situation like Bud and Corky. My son and I are called by our nicknames. People are shocked when they see our "real names!" Some people are very surprised that Jack and Molly are nicknames for John and Mary. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 She's 14, so you have ample time to both try it out informally AND change it legally before she's 18. The only possible snag is that it sounds like she will be in school. It's rare these days, but you might run into a teacher who insists on students by their given name. Perhaps you could have an upfront talk with the principal and ensure that it won't be a problem? If she's not in school NOW, though, that shouldn't be a problem. She will have time to try it out for several months, and then start the legal process right before high school. And I don't blame her - - that's definitely an offensive way to name your child! What was dad thinking?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LizzyBee Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 When I read the title of your post, I was going to post to tell you to make her wait until she's an adult. I hated my name until I was an adult, then I couldn't imagine being called anything else. However, I think what her dad said is so offensive that I would let her change it now. And I would care less whether he approves or not (unless the court requires his consent), since he's the one that ruined the name for her. I mean really, what kid wants to know that she was named for her dad's old gf? That borders on perverted. I don't think the name Zoe is trendy, but I think the spelling Zoey is. I would encourage her to use the traditional spelling, but then I tend to be a pretty traditional kind of person. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elise1mds Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 I'd make her live with it for a while, too, just to make sure she's 100% certain. And remind her she'll never truly be rid of her 'old' name, especially if she wants to travel or work for the government and has to have any sort of background check. Many of the forms the government has you fill out asks for all names, former and current. My MIL changed her name when she came to the USA from Australia, so she has FOUR names that we had to write into those blanks (birth name, married name, changed name, and current married name). Plus there will always be people who will call her by her old name no matter what. My MIL still has people who call her 'Chele' (was Michele) instead of Kimmie (she's now Kimberley). I hope she's able to find happiness in her name :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tree House Academy Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 Really, before I let her change her name, I would have her talk with a therapist. It sounds like she is trying hard to remove all traces of her dad and his influences from her life moreso than just hating her name. If her dad had named her after his mistress that ended your marriage, that would be one thing. But he chose the name based on someone he found attractive in school. I am not sure, but it sounds like there is much more to this than just a name. I lived a similar life when I was young and I desperately wanted to change my last name to my grandparent's last name and totally rid myself of my father's last name when I was about 11. My mom would not let me do it until I was much older, and as time went on, I felt the need to do so less and less. When I got married, I did drop my dad's last name and just used my middle name along with my married name. I know your daughter can't do that with her first name. If she does decide to change her name, Zoe is very cute. I have never seen it written Zoey...just Zoe with two little dots over the e. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandy in TN Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 I switched schools as a senior. In the first period on the first day I was in a class with one of my brother's friends. The teacher read my full name Mandy Elizabeth and asked what I wanted to be called. My brother's friend announced that I went by Bessie. It stuck. The group I hung out with already had a Beth and a Bess, so to my friends I ended up being Queenie- short for Queen Elizabeth. My locker had Queenie written on the door. Whenever I run into someone and they call me Bessie or Queenie, I know they only knew me my senior year of high school. I don't mind Mandy now, but somedays it might would be fun to be Queenie.:-) I vote to let her use whatever she wants in high school. If she still feels strongly about it in several years, let her change it legally just before her 18th birthday. Mandy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 I wanted to change my last name back to my maiden name after my father in law did some horrible things. Then a therapist told me that my anger and unforgiveness toward him were giving me physical symptoms and I had to work through it. I kept my married name and I *think* I have forgiven him. (I am not angry at him, but still leery.) Anyway... just wanted to support the idea of getting therapy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
samba2nite Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 She can go by any nickname she wants at school and pretty much anything at her age. I say let it be her offical nickname for all to call her and tell her when she is 18 she can have her birthday gift be a legal name change. That way she can see if she really likes it or not. I was a kid who wanted to change her name because I dispised my boring one syllable name. Thank god it was not legally changed becuase while I still like my nickname...it is NOT one I would want as an adult. ... I was too young to know that the name I liked was .... well pretty much reserved for porn stars .... LOL!!!!:lol: of course.... what would one expect from a person who likes to go by Samba2nite? and yes.... I wanted to be called Samba my mom could not bring herself to call me it.... but friends did and teachers at school so that was good enough for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 Really, before I let her change her name, I would have her talk with a therapist. It sounds like she is trying hard to remove all traces of her dad and his influences from her life moreso than just hating her name. If her dad had named her after his mistress that ended your marriage, that would be one thing. But he chose the name based on someone he found attractive in school. I am not sure, but it sounds like there is much more to this than just a name. I lived a similar life when I was young and I desperately wanted to change my last name to my grandparent's last name and totally rid myself of my father's last name when I was about 11. My mom would not let me do it until I was much older, and as time went on, I felt the need to do so less and less. When I got married, I did drop my dad's last name and just used my middle name along with my married name. I know your daughter can't do that with her first name. If she does decide to change her name, Zoe is very cute. I have never seen it written Zoey...just Zoe with two little dots over the e. ITA. I would absolutely not let her change her name---even informally. I was allowed to do this..going from the nick name my mom had used since birth, to my very unusual first name. Being allowed to change my name has given me nothing but problems my entire life. People are always so confused what they should call me. I also agree you would be better served to spend the money in a therapists office. I had some issues that could have been fleshed out at age 12 instead of changing my name. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TwinMominTX Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 My husband's situation is the same. He has been known as Corky since the day he was born, but that isn't his legal name.All of his documents show his legal name, but he is known personally and professionally by Corky. There are very few people who know his real name. He has never had any problems with it. My husband is this way as well. He is known by a nickname of his very uncommon middle name. It's never been a problem, but I do giggle when we apply for a mortgage and they do the AKA thing! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BMW Posted February 26, 2009 Author Share Posted February 26, 2009 Okie-Dokie... I hadn't read the rest of the replies and just got throught the rest. Well, this dear daughter and I and her other 6 siblings HAVE been in counseling for over a year. Not that you know that, so I am not shouting. I don't want to give out personal information here, but I do appreciate all of the responses. If anyone wants to talk privately, just shoot me a pm. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 Okie-Dokie... I hadn't read the rest of the replies and just got throught the rest. Well, this dear daughter and I and her other 6 siblings HAVE been in counseling for over a year. Not that you know that, so I am not shouting. I don't want to give out personal information here, but I do appreciate all of the responses. If anyone wants to talk privately, just shoot me a pm. :001_smile:LOL! I get that all the time. Every question I have about ADHD comes back with "fish oil", etc... it gets frustrating having to always spell out everything. So... sounds like you know your stuff. What are you asking us for? Wait, I know the answer to that one too!:lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katiebug_1976 Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 I think that is a horrible thing for a father to say to his daughter! The man shoud be horse whipped! Those kind of comments can be so damaging to children. I can understand why she wants to change her name. I wouldn't want to be named after my dads "red hot girlfriend." The best advice that I can give is to pray about it. If you seek God's will, and wait patiently, He will give you a sense of peace, one way or another. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 Really, before I let her change her name, I would have her talk with a therapist. It sounds like she is trying hard to remove all traces of her dad and his influences from her life moreso than just hating her name. If her dad had named her after his mistress that ended your marriage, that would be one thing. But he chose the name based on someone he found attractive in school. I am not sure, but it sounds like there is much more to this than just a name. QUOTE] Really? I find it incredibly offensive. Truly, I think that wanting to name your child after someone you find 'hot' borders on the perverted. And the dd is probably also angry and offended at the implied offense to her mother. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Erica in PA Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 I don't understand... didn't you name her also?? I'm assuming that you had a part in the naming process as well, and that your ex-husband didn't name her all by himself. Have you shared with her the reasons that *you* had for choosing her name? The thoughts and feelings that you had about her as you were pregnant and after she was born, that led you to choose her name. I'm sure you chose it because you thought it was beautiful, at the very least. Even though your ex said something dumb to your daughter about her name, that doesn't sound to me like a compelling reason to change it. How about using a variation of her name, or her middle name, as a nickname? I don't think there would be many circumstances where I would allow a minor to change his/her name to something completely different. I think 13-15 is an insecure, trying time where kids are seeking their own identity, and I'd probably view a desire to change one's name most likely to be a reflection of that. I'd say give it time and see what she thinks in a few years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 ITA. I would absolutely not let her change her name---even informally. I was allowed to do this..going from the nick name my mom had used since birth, to my very unusual first name. Being allowed to change my name has given me nothing but problems my entire life. People are always so confused what they should call me. I just don't get this. Maybe it's because I'm in the south, but I can think of two or three names for almost everyone I know! I don't see why it would cause a problem - - people call me by the name I introduce myself with, although occasionally they'll overhear a nickname and start to use it. Of course, I'm so far south that recent elections have featured candidate signs with nicknames like Bubba, T-Boy and Frog. Perhaps my view is skewed :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tajott Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 we went though this with a teen of whom we became gusrdians. She was so mad at her mom and did this as a way to establish some boundaries and such. She INSISTED on calling me mom, and her mother by her first name. She pushed quite a bit about us leglly adopting her. I told her we would call her whatever she wished and she could call me Mom, but she needed to realize that changing a name did nothing legally. She was still who she was, and (mother's name) was still her mother. When i said that to her, she looked like i had slapped her. She burst into tears, but it was the start of some healing. Teresa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BMW Posted March 1, 2009 Author Share Posted March 1, 2009 Without going into more details publicly, I will say that when you are the wife of an ongoing controlling and abusive husband, you don't always get to name your own child. Feel free to pm me if this situation interests you, but, believe me, I'd have loved to name my daughter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 Now you can! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BMW Posted March 1, 2009 Author Share Posted March 1, 2009 Thanks, Carmen, What a wonderful sentiment!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 Without going into more details publicly, I will say that when you are the wife of an ongoing controlling and abusive husband, you don't always get to name your own child. Feel free to pm me if this situation interests you, but, believe me, I'd have loved to name my daughter. Now I think we are getting to the heart of the matter. I hope you are being honest with yourself and your daughter about this hurt and not allow your own need for setting matters straight to cloud the wisest course here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 (edited) While it sounds like your dd's father said a very stupid thing, unless your dd's name is truly awful, I vote for letting her use a different name without changing it legally. There's still plenty of time between now and when she turns 18, so it's not a huge rush to make the new name her legal name. I remember that when I was young, lots of names sounded a whole lot more exciting than mine, but when I think back to that time, I am very glad I didn't legally name myself after one of Charlie's Angels or the Bionic Woman! Changing your name is a big step, and it sounds like your dd is dealing with lots of unpleasant issues regarding her father -- and you are, too. I know it's not up to me, and that I don't know anything about your situation, but I think letting your dd go by the name of her choice (and even "trying out" different names) for the next few years would be the wisest choice. This way, she has a chance to grow up a bit before making such a dramatic change, and both of you have time to deal with your personal issues and see if the name change is really that important, or if the life changes are what really matter. We change so much during our teenage years, even with the best of home situations, and your dd has a lot more changes to do through before she grows up. I would really hesitate to do anything legally until she's almost 18. Just my uneducated opinion! Cat Edited March 2, 2009 by Catwoman Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuntPol Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 I would go with a nickname and then change it at age 17. I remember crying for several years because my name was not Shasta. Then in high school, I changed the spelling of my name just to be different. Then in college, I chose a new name to go by (Rio of all things, does that date me or what lol). Now I am old, married and have the same first name that I started off with and know that changing my name is not going to make life any easier or increase my self esteem by making me a "new" person. Your name does not make you cooler, prettier, smarter, nicer, etc. I think you truly need to do self-searching and no who you are as a person before you go about changing your name. And in my honest opinion, 14 yo's have no clue about themselves and you can see that in the names they pick out (for themselves, for their future children, etc.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 Well said, AuntPol! Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BMW Posted March 2, 2009 Author Share Posted March 2, 2009 Well, the decision is that she can try out a new name and see if it works long term and sticks. She can make a legal change much later if that is her desire. We started going through lists of names and trying out several and we like Allison (could go by Alli) and we all still like Zoe Anne. Allison is a family name, so I have been encouraging her to try it. But, Zoe Anne fits her... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 Did you have a name picked out when she was born? Or did you not even care to think of one since DH was ready with his name? (I understand that.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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