S/O of bodies thread - Cremation. For or against? And why?

[StaceyinLA]

I used to think it was so disgusting, but now, almost 14 years after my father died and thinking of how few (2 to be exact) times I have been to his mausoleum, I have to wonder why I ever thought it was a bad idea. Now, to me, I am thinking it costs less, takes up no space, my family can plant a tree in their yard in my memory with a plaque or something and that will be that. My ashes can be tossed to the wind, scattered in the woods, ocean, whatever. Or, they can bury the ashes under where they plant the tree - idk.

 

Anyway, it just seems so much more sensible to me (I like the green burial stuff too, but they have nothing like that near me).

 

IDK, I just don't like the way the death business has taken over the way in which people grieve, and the costs required for them to do so. I want to beat the system, even after I'm gone!! :tongue_smilie:

[Jenny in Atl]

IDK, I just don't like the way the death business has taken over the way in which people grieve, and the costs required for them to do so. I want to beat the system, even after I'm gone!! :tongue_smilie:

 

:iagree:

It's become all very sterile... I shutter at the thought of being embalmed.

[lionfamily1999]

Dh and I both want to be cremated in the cheapest way possible. His grandfather left us a bigger burden than he realized and neither of us want to do the same.

 

We had considered donating our bodies to science, if they were wanted, but then... the idea of someone cutting up a loved one makes me uncomfortable.

[AuntieM]

in any way that my children find reprehensible. After all, my spirit will be long gone by the time they deal with my body.

 

Our family had this discussion last year, after four family members died and massive funeral costs were accumulated in the burial of two of them. My father, on the other hand, had had a plan in place for years and we (my immediate family) made modest but - IMO - lovely choices of flowers, etc. Depressing as it may seem to consider this while we are yet young, it is a huge blessing to remaining family to have such plans in place before hand. It was like a last, gracious gift from my father.

 

Anyway, in following the burial vs cremation question (is it "right", same as you seem to be asking), we came to the conclusion that, for us as Bible believing Christians, it wasn't expressly forbidden. However, the *tradition* of funeral pyres is one started by heathen/non-Christian religions, and one would have to decide for himself whether or not to emulate that tradition. I agree, it's a lot less expensive! But again, if it's something that would grieve my children, I'd rather plan ahead and pay the cost of something more along the Christian tradition. Though I have to wonder where all that embalming fluid fits in... sounds like Ancient Egypt!

[elegantlion]

I'm not against cremation, I just don't want it done. We lost several family members in a short time when I was a kid. My parents always got great comfort from going to visit the gravesite. I also find being able to visit a site very comforting, trying not to be too detailed here.

 

I once had a dog cremated and we kept the ashes for a few years. It was horrible for me, I would never do that again either.

 

I'm also afraid of fire so I don't want to be near one even after death.

[KS_]

Now, to me, I am thinking it costs less, takes up no space, my family can plant a tree in their yard in my memory with a plaque or something and that will be that. My ashes can be tossed to the wind, scattered in the woods, ocean, whatever. Or, they can bury the ashes under where they plant the tree - idk.

 

Anyway, it just seems so much more sensible to me (I like the green burial stuff too, but they have nothing like that near me).

 

 

I'm of this mindset, too. I think the cost for a burial and funeral is excessive and I'd much rather have my ashes scattered or spread somewhere.

[athena1277]

I don't have a problem with cremation, but it really creeps me out to think of someone handing me an urn with so-and-so's ashes in it. Or people who put said urn on the mantle. It makes my skin crawl.

 

My mom said she wants to be cremated. she doesn't want a grave for people to go visit and mourn. This is exactly what I would want. She better hope my brother will take charge of it when the time comes.

[KidsHappen]

My mother passed away a year ago yesterday. We had her cremated and then shared the ashes in four earns between me and my three brothers. That way each of us has a little bit of her with us always. Her family of origin was not happy about this at all! They wanted her buried in the family plot in East Texas. They would have been able to visit her frequently but my brothers and I probably never would. I do not want to be buried and I have made my wishes very clear to my family. I have also let my family know that should any of them predecess me, I wil have them cremated as well unless they felt strongly otherwise.

[CAMom]

I'm not against cremation, I just don't want it done. We lost several family members in a short time when I was a kid. My parents always got great comfort from going to visit the gravesite. I also find being able to visit a site very comforting, trying not to be too detailed here.

 

 

 

I'm also afraid of fire so I don't want to be near one even after death.

 

I just wanted to mention that there is no fire involved in cremation.:grouphug:

 

It's such a personal decision. With the respect to a gravesite, that's exactly why we had our daughter cremated. I couldn't handle feeling like I was attached to a cemetery. It made me feel like I could never move or that I was obligated to grieve in a certain way. I felt so much freer knowing that she was with the Lord and I wasn't attached to her body here on earth. It was just my own personal way of dealing with it.

[Garga]

I partly answered this on the original thread, but it's an interesting topic, so I'll answer here, too.

 

There's nothing wrong with it biblically, and I find it to be the best choice personally. I wouldn't want the ashes though.

 

The idea of embalming and putting the dead body in a cement lined box is just weird to me. Very weird. Much stranger than burning the body. What's the purpose of preserving the body? I think it's just for the funeral companies to make money.

 

Burying the body without the cement box is horrifying to me, because I wouldn't be able to stop myself from picturing the body of my loved one decomposing and all the nastiness associated with the life cycle of dead bodies.

 

All that's left is cremation.

[JoyfulMama]

When I was in high school I decided that I wanted to be cremated, and I haven't changed my mind. (I wasn't morbid, but took an ethics class, and also wrote a psych paper on the 5 stages of death. Since I have professional worked with death and dying issues as well.)

But since I also have a love of genealogy and have sought out the gravesights of family, I do want to have a gravesite.

I learned way back when that 6 cremation remains can go in the same grave. (They are all kept separate.)

Since that time, my father has decided that he would not mind being cremated, but he does have a plot that he would like to be buried in. My mother is not comfortable with cremation for herself, so we will respect her wishes.

The way I see it, I'm conserving resources (no need for a fancy casket, and I can take up less space when I am dust), and I can still have a place the future generations can find me, should they want to.

[Tap]

I do not believe we should take up space on this earth once we are gone. Eventually, it will just be one big graveyard, with everyone crammed into cities. I tell everyone to donate me to science or to cremate me, what ever is best at the time.

[Mrs. Readsalot]

I have made it very clear that I want to be cremated. My physical body has been put a place for my soul to be on earth. When my soul has left this body I no longer need it and it no longer needs to exist in a physical state. I have left instruction with my family as to what to do with the ashes, ie I do not want to be in an urn on someones mantle. I think that is to much emotional baggage and an emotion burden for anyone to bear. As to a memeorial service one can be held that would celebrate my life, but not to morn my lose. Needless to say I dislike funeral and anything about them, I always have.

KAren

[Laura Corin]

My father had a woodland burial - I quite like that idea. Otherwise, I don't mind the idea of cremation.

 

Laura

[RhondaM.]

I just wanted to mention that there is no fire involved in cremation.:grouphug:

.

 

I just watched this video on cremation. There is fire used in it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-ynU6aTzac

 

Are there other ways that do not use fire?

 

I want to be cremated. The thought of being buried gives me the creeps.

[Caroline4kids]

When I first married my husband, his grandma had his grandpa in a box on a shelf. Years later she, too, was cremated and both were buried together in a joint plot. I liked that .

 

My mother died eight years ago and she wanted to be cremated. She mentioned that God says we will return to dust--why not do it faster?

 

I am a Christian and believe that God will put me back together at the Resurrection anyway--and in the better form.

 

I never liked the idea of a coffin anyway--I am claustrophobic and the idea creeps me out more than burning up.

[Heather in Neverland]

FYI, there was a discussion about this very topic not too long ago; if you search the boards you can probably find it. I think Heather (again!! smile) started that discussion.

 

No offense, but I'm not going to rewrite things here. That' is a benefit of this style of board...older conversatoins are preserved and can be (if I may choose this word in this thread, "resurrected").

 

Yup that was me! :D It was right after my friend died of cancer and was cremated. I am still on the fence about it.

[Jenny in Atl]

I do not believe we should take up space on this earth once we are gone. Eventually, it will just be one big graveyard, with everyone crammed into cities. I tell everyone to donate me to science or to cremate me, what ever is best at the time.

 

What's the line I love from Six Feet Under... "The Earth is just one great big grave yard."

 

When you think about it, most all other living things go back into the earth as nature intended. I rather like the idea of being buried w/o a box (I know it's illegal). But, we decompose either way, and it seems so much more natural and normal to become earth (ashes) and not a soupy mess in a cement box. Even the Egyptian style is more appealing to me, that the standard US burial practice. Again it's the $ issue that I find most offensive.

[Colleen]

When you think about it, most all other living things go back into the earth as nature intended. I rather like the idea of being buried w/o a box (I know it's illegal). But, we decompose either way, and it seems so much more natural and normal to become earth (ashes) and not a soupy mess in a cement box. Even the Egyptian style is more appealing to me, that the standard US burial practice. Again it's the $ issue that I find most offensive.

 

Burial boxes used in green burials decompose, and the land itself isn't given over to the golf course look, kwim? Between that and the decreased cost ~ compared to conventional burial ~ I'm all over it. Well. Later, I mean. Not quite ready yet.;)

[Colleen]

I don't want to be cremated, and would not have my children cremated, for religious reasons. I do not believe God intends cremation for our bodies. On the other hand, I don't support the financial and environmental costs associated with conventional funerals and burials, which is why I support green burial.

[Zoraida]

For the longest time I have been against cremation, this is because I am a Catholic and have been taught that cremation was against the laws of the church. Just recently, however, I heard that the Vatican is relaxing its rules against cremation. They say that you can now be cremated, but during your funeral your ashes are not allowed in the church or on church property (including church parking lot and church sidewalks). So now I am starting to reconsider cremation because it is a lot cheaper than a regular funeral.

 

Blessings

 

Zoraida

[Jenny in Atl]

 

Burial boxes used in green burials decompose, and the land itself isn't given over to the golf course look, kwim? Between that and the decreased cost ~ compared to conventional burial ~ I'm all over it. Well. Later, I mean. Not quite ready yet.;)

 

No, I missed it. Thanks, this is something I would like to know more about. None of us are getting any younger. :tongue_smilie:

[Danestress]

Ever since watching the moving Rocket Gibraltar (which I absolutely love) I've been dead set on a Viking Funeral. I'm planning on living to be an old lady and having at least one grandchild willing to totally commit to this idea.

[littlebug42]

For the longest time I have been against cremation, this is because I am a Catholic and have been taught that cremation was against the laws of the church. Just recently, however, I heard that the Vatican is relaxing its rules against cremation. They say that you can now be cremated, but during your funeral your ashes are not allowed in the church or on church property (including church parking lot and church sidewalks). So now I am starting to reconsider cremation because it is a lot cheaper than a regular funeral.

 

Blessings

 

Zoraida

 

 

The CAtholic church does allow cremation as long as the remains are still buried together. The scattering of the ashes is not allowed. As for the ashes not being allowed in the Church, some of that is based on where you live and what Archdiocese governs your area. My father in law was cremated three years ago and had a full Catholic funeral, at the Church with his ashes right up front where the coffin would be. His ashes were then laid to rest in a marble crypt like area designed for cremated ashes. There is room in the same "grave" area for my MIL to be buried when she passes. I definitely want to be cremated. I personally also LOATHE open casket visitation etc so my husband has been given strict instructions as to what I want if I go before him.

[Mekanamom]

I want any useable parts donated and the rest of me cremated. No formal funeral.

 

I like the idea of having the ashes released in some nice, natural place- but honestly? At that point, it's no longer really about what I'd like. LOL. I'm more concerned with the family I leave behind doing what makes them feel most comfortable.

[HRAAB]

For the longest time I have been against cremation, this is because I am a Catholic and have been taught that cremation was against the laws of the church. Just recently, however, I heard that the Vatican is relaxing its rules against cremation. They say that you can now be cremated, but during your funeral your ashes are not allowed in the church or on church property (including church parking lot and church sidewalks). So now I am starting to reconsider cremation because it is a lot cheaper than a regular funeral.

 

Blessings

 

Zoraida

 

 

My family and I are Catholic, and my father was cremated. Cremation is allowed as long it's not done as a sign of disrespect for the body or the bodily resurrection. My father's ashes were kept in our Resurrection Room after his vigil until his funeral the next day. His ashes were certainly in the church, and his urn was blessed during the funeral Mass. We buried his ashes next to my mother (not cremated) a couple weeks later; our Deacon came to the cemetery to perform a simple ceremony.

 

One thing that we did that is not allowed is my sister had a small amount of ashes kept our for her and me. She did this without my knowledge, and gave me a small urn with some of dad's ashes in it after the funeral. My understanding is that the ashes must be kept together-not scattered or split up. However, this meant so much to my sister, and our dad's death was so incredibly hard on her, I never said anything to her about it. She thought she was doing something nice for us - there's just the two of us. So I have a little urn on my fireplace mantle by my parent's picture. I'm sure God can deal with it. :001_smile:

 

Janet

[OnTheBrink]

 

We had considered donating our bodies to science, if they were wanted, but then... the idea of someone cutting up a loved one makes me uncomfortable.

 

I know what you mean and I felt the same way. But, my friend, who passed away 2 weeks ago, had her body donated to a cancer research and training organization (her brother didn't mention the name of it, though) and at first, the thought of strangers cutting up her body made me so sad and depressed. But, she was such a giving person and the fact that she wanted others to benefit from what doctors could learn about cancer that it just seems right that she did this.

 

I miss her terribly, but even in her death, she's helping and giving. So, it doesn't seem so gruesome that she's being cut up and studied. Somehow, it's comforting.

 

If you do decide to donate your body to science, do what you can to get the paperwork done before hand, so your family doesn't have to go through the rigamarole my friend's brother went through to get her body donated.

[Peek a Boo]

.... My father, on the other hand, had had a plan in place for years and we (my immediate family) made modest but - IMO - lovely choices of flowers, etc. Depressing as it may seem to consider this while we are yet young, it is a huge blessing to remaining family to have such plans in place before hand. It was like a last, gracious gift from my father.

 

Anyway, in following the burial vs cremation question (is it "right", same as you seem to be asking), we came to the conclusion that, for us as Bible believing Christians, it wasn't expressly forbidden. However, the *tradition* of funeral pyres is one started by heathen/non-Christian religions, and one would have to decide for himself whether or not to emulate that tradition. I agree, it's a lot less expensive! But again, if it's something that would grieve my children, I'd rather plan ahead and pay the cost of something more along the Christian tradition. Though I have to wonder where all that embalming fluid fits in... sounds like Ancient Egypt!

 

 

ok, I have a question, and then I'll go google {{ :) }}:

 

how can we know for certain who started which tradition first?

I'm guessing that there were non-Christian/ pagans that buried their dead too, right?

I know we can make some great assumptions and guesses, but there's so much that we DON't know I hesitate to assign "blame" to any one non-religion ;)

I mean, God was The Master of the sacrificial Fire :D

 

---------

 

dh's dad died this past year w/ a pre-paid/ planned burial plot. It was still expensive and stressful. The funeral home had so many THINGS that were expected/ advised and dh was in no position to say "no- he wouldn't want us to spend the money." {{which is what they had talked about *but not written down*}}

 

dh and I are both leaning towards being cremated. We're all firebugs, so i think it'll go over well. I do kinda like the scattering of ashes, as long as it's not inconvenient for the ones still alive.

 

I remember hearing the funeral guy talking about cremation --how they still need to crush the larger bones into dust. We joked that "No-- if one of us is still alive, we want to keep a big ol' thigh bone so we can display it on the wall like they do swords and firearms and beat the kids w/ it."

The funeral guy was not impressed..........

 

I'll have to check into that green burial.

I would also be fine w/ donating our bodies to science. I'd likely be comfortable donating my own kiddo's body to science if something happened to them.

[lionfamily1999]

I know what you mean and I felt the same way. But, my friend, who passed away 2 weeks ago, had her body donated to a cancer research and training organization (her brother didn't mention the name of it, though) and at first, the thought of strangers cutting up her body made me so sad and depressed. But, she was such a giving person and the fact that she wanted others to benefit from what doctors could learn about cancer that it just seems right that she did this.

 

I miss her terribly, but even in her death, she's helping and giving. So, it doesn't seem so gruesome that she's being cut up and studied. Somehow, it's comforting.

 

If you do decide to donate your body to science, do what you can to get the paperwork done before hand, so your family doesn't have to go through the rigamarole my friend's brother went through to get her body donated.

We're both registered organ donors, so I'm not sure that our bodies would be of any use anyway. My mom wants to donate her body to science, but she has a very rare/bizarre bacterial infection (from surgery) and they can't grow the bacteria to study it. Her cdc doc. was really excited when she offered (macabre much?) and now she's pretty positive that's the route she'll go. Her and dad will be buried at Quantico Marine Base, and they both said they don't really care what we do with their remains, so long as they end up together.

[Lovedtodeath]

A funeral's purpose, to me, is to comfort the surviving loved ones. When I am one of those, I need to see a dead body. Otherwise I don't have reality or closure. Cremation makes the grieving process much harder for me. So I would prefer a burial, but the cheapest coffin and whatever else is just fine.

[Happy]

I'm one who needs to see the dead body to believe, too. I also appreciate the way a person can be helped to look nice in death. (That sound terrible, doesn't it?) Both my dad and my mom struggled with chemotherapy and the rape that is cancer. I appreciated the makeup and such that made my last visual memories of them peaceful and pleasant. Although I don't go back often, I like knowing there is a gravestone with their names on it for future people to read.

 

I don't mind cremation, but two years ago, when my sis-in-law died, I found myself really missing the formality of the funeral process. Although there was a fabulous memorial service, there was no viewing her body after death, so my last memory of her was her struggle to breath in those last hours. And I find myself wanting to visit her grave....it's a me thing, but I guess one or two grave visits are a part of my grieving process. Just kinda an odd feeling for me. I did plant a quality rose bush in my yard in her honor. She would have liked that. I feel uncomfortable knowing there is not a solid concrete something with her name etched on it. Odd, I know.

[PinkInTheBlue]

Personally, I absolutely despise the entire funeral process and equally despise visiting gravesites on the rare occasions I have been forced to. I can't stand to be forced to look at the shell that doesn't even hold the person I cared about anymore. The money, the creepiness, the emotional manipulating, etc

 

I talked it over with my husband and my mother and both have no problems with my desire to be cremated. After talking about it they both want to do the same thing. I don't want anyone to keep my ashes, scatter my ashes or anything of the sort. I don't want anywhere for anyone to visit and act like I'm there. I also don't want anything remotely resembling the funeral event. If they want, some sort of in-memory type get together or something. Just please don't do anything that feels like a funeral.

 

When the boys get a little older I'll make sure they understand and that it would be okay with them. It is about what I want but more so for how those most important people you leave behind. If they really couldn't handle it, I'd at least rethink my desires.

 

As far as whether or not it's right or wrong, I can't see anything that could be wrong about it.

[Suzanne in ABQ]

First, I'll say that I think "viewings" are important. When my brother died, and I came home for the funeral, I couldn't wrap my brain around the fact that he was gone. Every time the door opened, I looked to see if it was him. Then, later in the afternoon, we went and saw him at the funeral home. It was extremely hard. I'll never forget it. But, I knew, then, where he was. I didn't look for him anymore. I believe that it's important to a lot of people, for a lot of different reasons, to see the person who has died. Caskets are good for that, I suppose.

 

BUT, I don't see any reason that the person needs to be locked up in that casket and buried in a cement lined, or just dirt covered, grave. Cremation makes perfect sense to me. It quickens the time needed for my body to return to dust. Having my remains stored in a wall at the cemetary, with a plaque, costs a fraction of a traditional gravesite.

 

I really don't want anyone to come visit my grave (that practice doesn't make sense to me, personally). But, on behalf of my sister-in-law, who is a professional geneologist, I do think that grave markers are important. Some future geneologist may want to find me someday.

[littlebug42]

For me, the visitation/viewing at a funeral is not comforting at all. It all stems back to me being a little girl when my Grandpa, who I loved dearly, died. To this day, my final memory of him is in his coffin and I HATE that. I had seen him the week before he died which is an absolutely lovely memory and I wish I had been left with that. When my FIL died after his battle with cancer, my MIL and I elected to not have an open casket viewing. We had the visitation with a slide show of pictures showing him how he was and not what the cancer had done to him. We got to say our private goodbyes the morning he passed away at home before the funeral home was called. I did not want my children to see him that way and be left with the same memories I have. I have been to A LOT of funerals in my life time and for me, having the body there is never comforting.

 

I find it very interesting the different approaches people have to death. I have been to funerals before where people even take pictures of the body. I had to go to a funeral in November for a 6 week old baby and I was praying that the casket would not be open. Thankfully it wasn't.

[JoyfulMama]

I know some may find it a bit macabre, but if you can still have a viewing and be cremated.

I don't know if all state laws are the same, but I know that when I toured a crematorium, the body had to be in a "suitable container" to be cremated.

You can certainly buy a nice casket for a viewing, and be cremated in it.

If you are concerned about the cost of that, many offer the option of 'renting' a casket for the viewing, and then transferring the body into another suitable container for cremation.

Really, when it comes down to it, you can be pretty flexible about what you want when you decide what you want your funeral/life celebration party to look like, and you can plan it all ahead of time quite simply by just writing down your wishes, and tucking it with your will. People don't usually want to talk about death issues, but it can be easier to get through the first few days if wishes of the newly deceased are written down. You can prepay for these services, but that raises an entirely new conversation.....

[Suzanne in ABQ]

I totally understand your perspective, and I would never force a child to see a loved one who has passed. Perhaps my situation was different because I was an adult (24) at the time that my brother died.

 

When I die, I would want the viewing to be separate, and optional, perhaps the day before the memorial service. That way, people could come if they wished, but wouldn't be forced to be so uncomfortable at the memorial. I would want my memorial to be a time for sharing happy memories, and a celebration of my life. That would be difficult if my dead body were there.

 

I have shared my wishes with my husband, and my mom, that I would like to be embalmed, and my body made available for viewing (in a rented casket, if possible), for a day. Then, I would like to be cremated. I would like them to have a memorial celebration of my life, complete with a slide show. I want my children to remember the good times we had together. I don't care what they do with my remains, but I want a plaque placed in the cemetery so that anyone looking for me in a hundred years will be able to find me. :) It seems simple to me. But, may be radical to some. Sorry if it's offensive.