Vida Winter Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 Not a happy day for us yesterday; I withdrew my daughter from PS and we had to clean out her locker and turn in her books. She cried the whole time, and the administrators were dumbfounded (she is a straight-A student). Our reasons for taking her out are not academic. The reason I am posting this very private matter is that I have egg on my face. So many of you have warned about the things middle school kids do and I thought none of that would rub off on my dd, that we were above all that. Not so. I thought that living in a small town and having a very small class size (8) would shield her. Nope. Many on this board are considering putting their dc into PS. I just wanted to let you know our experience. Schools and kids are not what they used to be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbeyej Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 Dana, I'm so sorry. That can be such a tough age, no matter, and I'm really sorry your dd has been through something traumatic. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 Dana, I hope everything works out for you and your family. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
my4boysmom Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 I say this because we too did this last March when our son was in 7th grade. We have unschooled since and now we are ready to begin to get going again. We moved and although it has been a really rough year I know that it was the best decision and that he will be do better despite my lack of confidence. He is special needs but brillant. He has flourished even though he behind academically. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 It doesn't surprise me about the small town and small class size. Some of the things I've heard about the middle school girls here are simply shocking. I wonder if it is because there is really no other outlet for kids this age in a small town. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kate CA Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 Hugs, Dana. I am sorry your family is going through this. Thanks for being real about it. Being a parent is hard hard hard. Hugs, friend! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 Buck up--you chose rightly. You will be so glad in the long run, and she will, too. It's GREAT to see a parent being a parent. Good for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colleen Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 I'm all about keepin' it real, so thanks for your honesty and humility. No one said it would be easy and it sure isn't. Keep on keepin' on, friend.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kate CA Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 It's GREAT to see a parent being a parent. Good for you. I agree with this too--absolutely. However, it does seem it was a difficult thing for all involved--hence my :grouphug: :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hen Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 Bravo to you! A real parent does the hard thing, even with a crying child and even when the other adults think you are crazy. I would never put my kids through what I went through in Jr. High, mostly s*xual harrassment...and that was years ago, I shudder to imagine how bad it is now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vida Winter Posted January 3, 2009 Author Share Posted January 3, 2009 I agree with this too--absolutely. However, it does seem it was a difficult thing for all involved--hence my :grouphug: :001_smile: I consider us blessed that we were able to be alerted to problems before they got more serious. Difficult - absolutely. I have lost 6 lbs over the holidays due to sheer worry. Hugs are truly appreciated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doran Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 Not a happy day for us yesterday; I withdrew my daughter from PS and we had to clean out her locker and turn in her books. She cried the whole time, and the administrators were dumbfounded (she is a straight-A student). Our reasons for taking her out are not academic. The reason I am posting this very private matter is that I have egg on my face. So many of you have warned about the things middle school kids do and I thought none of that would rub off on my dd, that we were above all that. Not so. I thought that living in a small town and having a very small class size (8) would shield her. Nope. Many on this board are considering putting their dc into PS. I just wanted to let you know our experience. Schools and kids are not what they used to be. Thank you for sharing with us, Dana. I have to admit that your post creates a bit of anxiety in me. We all do the best we can with the tools we are given to use. Sounds like you've used yours very well. Hugs to you and your daughter. Sending you continued strength and patience as you work through the layers of all that has transpired. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JennifersLost Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 I hear you. My third child is returning home. I homeschooled my three older children - all boys - fo years. Then I put them in ps. There were good and bad things about it. Two are already back home. The third will come home in about 3 weeks at the end of term. My youngest son thinks he will return to ps next fall again. He is wrong. My dh(!) put his foot down the other day and asked why we would ever let the boys go back when in our case the schools can't provide them the academics they need. I'm relieved, because he is the type of kid who would love to join in all the "fun" the other teens are getting into. So far my dh says he thinks our dd should go all the way through ps since she's in a French immersion program, but just wait until the boys start wanting to date her and he figures out what really goes on around here...I think he'll be singing a different tune (and I wouldn't be at all surprised if we hit the road right about then for an excuse to get her out of town, LOL.). It's everywhere - this feeling among parents that they don't have to parent at all. I was talking to a friend 1800 miles away and she's dealing with the same issues I am or worse. It's not that I want to keep my kids in a box. I just want them to have a fighting chance to develop their personalities and sense of self-worth before they have to deal with sex, diseases, pregnancy, drugs..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 :grouphug:Big Hug...:grouphug: You are strong, you are doing the right thing...Hang in there. Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm an often pressured mom to enroll my dd and know the timing isn't right here. Not a happy day for us yesterday; I withdrew my daughter from PS and we had to clean out her locker and turn in her books. She cried the whole time, and the administrators were dumbfounded (she is a straight-A student). Our reasons for taking her out are not academic. The reason I am posting this very private matter is that I have egg on my face. So many of you have warned about the things middle school kids do and I thought none of that would rub off on my dd, that we were above all that. Not so. I thought that living in a small town and having a very small class size (8) would shield her. Nope. Many on this board are considering putting their dc into PS. I just wanted to let you know our experience. Schools and kids are not what they used to be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karenciavo Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 Dana :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 (HUGS) for you and your dd. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura K (NC) Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 Keep praying. High school is hard too, even if you homeschool. I think it's easier than classroom school, though. I think your tough stance now will be beneficial in the longer term, even if it is unpleasant now for your daughter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colleen in NS Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 I have egg on my face. Then wipe it off and march on. Wow, I really admire that you'd post about this, and I esp. admire your resolve! Thanks for sharing, it just reinforces what we want to do (keep them home). God bless you all as you adjust! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
6packofun Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 I'm sorry. That would be really tough, but I'm glad you have the option to bring her home! I think you made the right choice--for YOU--and everything will turn out great for both of you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MBH Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 Thank you for sharing your experience Dana. It wasn't an easy decision to pull her out and post here, was it? We live in a small community, and I have seen my fair share. The Lord will give you the strength you need not only to overcome the damage, but also to lead your dd in the right direction. My prayers for you and your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sue G in PA Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 Thanks for posting this. :grouphug: Bravo for doing the right and difficult thing. We have been considering putting my dd12 back in middle school for 8th grade (we are not in a very small town but rather small considering). Your post has almost made up my mind AGAINST it...my mother's intuition combined w/ what I went through in 8th grade was telling me not to send her back but dh was pushing in that direction. I think this your post has all but made up my mind to stick w/ homeschooling even though she wants to go back. Thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacklyn Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 for being brave enough to post this, too. I have been tempted with the idea of putting my 7th grade boys into PS next year--not full-time, but for one or two classes. It's not where my heart is, I've just been feeling inadequate with our homeschooling. Your post was a good reminder for me about WHY I am homeschooling in the first place. Best wishes to you and your daughter. Jacklyn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 :grouphug: We went through something similar (I'm guessing) after enrolling our oldest in public school. She did stay in school, barely, for various reasons over which I have no control. A year later--a year of many changes and of very strict boundaries--she is emerging from the dark cloud. She's had time to get some perspective. We've used the difficulties as a springboard to many many many talks, even when we were both angry and heartsick, that have brought us closer together. A year ago, I couldn't see ahead to where we'd be now, and I was literally sick with worry and heartache. Now I feel, not as though the problems are completely solved, but as though we're in an encouraging place. I'm sharing this because I want to encourage you. You took a big risk. It didn't turn out as you'd hoped. Now is the time for repair and healing and loving your girl. You'll get there. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vida Winter Posted January 3, 2009 Author Share Posted January 3, 2009 I want to thank all of you for your support. The main reason I wanted to post, though, is to warn parents how easy it is to get blindsided. I was not an uninvolved parent during her public school career. I was often the only parent to show up to parent/teacher conferences. I was there for all the fund-raisers and many of the sports and all the musical events. I was the one who drove everyone all over the place. If you do have children in PS I urge you to dig deeper than you think you need to in order to find out what's really going on in their lives. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink Fairy Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 (((Dana))) I'm glad you were so involved, and able to catch on early. My dh is a ps hs teacher, in an upper middle class suburb of a large city. He frequently sees the devastating effects of peer influence. A lot of parents must miss it, or gloss over it, and I'm not sure if it's because their kids are good at hiding it, or if the truth is just too painful. I think if more parents saw what goes on in a typical public high school, there would be a lot more homeschoolers. :grouphug:'s to you and your daughter--I know you'll get through this! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 You did the right thing. I'm just glad you caught whatever warning sign you caught...... I imagine with a straight A student any of us would think things were fine. Congrats on your mom sense. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlueGator Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 Dana, you're preaching to the choir! I'm sending a group hug your way :grouphug: ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christy B Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 (edited) We sent our dd to a local Christian school for 8th grade this year. She won't be returning next year. I was so sure we were making a good decision . . . until she finally came "clean" with what was going on in the school. It has become a hostile environment. The students are only half the problem. It's a battle we aren't willing to fight -- she wants to come home for high school and we totally respect her wishes. Frankly, I was excited about moving on to another chapter in my life, but I will gladly put that on hold, and God giving me grace, see our homeschool all the way through (I have a younger dd in 4th grade, so this means really delaying "my" plans). I hear egg is actually good for the skin. Edited January 4, 2009 by Christy B Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sue G in PA Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 Middle school was devastating to me (and I'm just now realizing the effects that my ms career had on me :glare:) and I suppose b/c I was a good student academically, my parents thought everything was a-ok. I think we as parents must realize that academics are only ONE part of it, KWIM? I wish my parents had seen what was going on and not "glossed" over it. I'm grateful for the experience only b/c I can save my own daughter the same trauma. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elizabeth Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 What a turbulent episode for the whole family. I cannot imagine the potential harm to dd if she were to return to public school between the lack of parents willing to parent and not be a friend to their child and the absolutely mean girl/bullying female aggression I put up with I just cannot begin to imagine. Please know that in college your lovely dd will find "her people" People that like to read the same books and might introduce her to some new ones, others interested in the music she likes or artform . The possibilities are endless once the blinders of adolescence are gone. I really could not see how very alone I was until I made real friends in college who loved me for who I was and let me say I still remain in close contact with many . The world just opened up for me when I found my nicheand my people.Others who liked reading Hegel and the latest Lillian Braun cozy mystery,women who loved to paint and cook and go to law school all at the same time. What a tough time this can be .I just keep telling my 12 soon to be 13 year old that she will find" her kind of people" in the larger world in a setting where maturity and intelligence are treasured. You can bet your boots she will not go to a big state school either-for me it was a Jesuit university that helped me become all I could be rather than the narrow strictures of my age based peers. She just has to shine it on a little longer and the world is her oyster. Your dd is going to bloom without all the garbage created by a situation where those who are most influential to you lack both experience , judgement and usually intelligence. At no other time in life are we so easily swayed by utter morons as in middle school/high school. I wish it were different but as you have made all too clear ,it is what it is, generally toxic to growing whole , loving and decent human beings. I wish you both a healing and peace filled transition . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LG Gone Wild Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 Even though I am NOT a PS fan, it is sad when it doesn't work out. I hope your dd is alright. Did you guys ever read Queen Bees and Wannabes? It is so very profound and it is like the author wrote about my days and today's days of middle school. Kind of eerie, really. Middle school and high school seem like such an unnecessary and ugly experience. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zelda Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 Dana...:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 It doesn't surprise me about the small town and small class size. Some of the things I've heard about the middle school girls here are simply shocking. I wonder if it is because there is really no other outlet for kids this age in a small town. I was going to say that, too. We're in (actually just outside of) a tiny town. Class sizes run 7-12 kids per grade (yes, per grade). There really isn't anything wholesome for them outside of school. I'm stunned at some of the "extracurricular activities" that pre-teen and teen kids are doing. Unfortunately, the unsavoury element comes back into school with them. It's a vicious cycle. I'm sorry you're having a rough start there, Dana. I understand your decision and hope for only the best for you, your dd, and family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mchel210 Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 Im sorry you are going through this. My son begged me to enroll him in PS this year for 7th grade. He started on Sept. 17 and I am pulling him out this week. I am done. I posted his whole story on the afterschool forum...but I am so happy he is coming home. I am getting very nervous for whatever reason...but he is very excited to be coming back home. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 at your post. That is all. Thank you so much! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brigitte Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 If you do have children in PS I urge you to dig deeper than you think you need to in order to find out what's really going on in their lives. Dana, Hugs to you for what you are going through. You have done a difficult thing, but it is the right thing. I would like to echo your statement above, but also add it is not just public school. The goings on at private schools can be just as unsavory. :grouphug: Brigitte Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kris Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 The reason I am posting this very private matter is that I have egg on my face. So many of you have warned about the things middle school kids do and I thought none of that would rub off on my dd, that we were above all that. Not so. I thought that living in a small town and having a very small class size (8) would shield her. Nope. We're in a small town with small class sizes but as far as I can tell, we have the Big City problems -- drugs, gangs, weapons, inappropriate sexual conduct. I really don't think you can get away from it anymore. No matter how small the town is, there's still TV. One kid told my son, "That's not the way we do it here in the hood." The HUH? I hope things settle down for you and your daughter soon. When life gives you eggs, make omelettes. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vida Winter Posted January 4, 2009 Author Share Posted January 4, 2009 I just wanted to weigh in with one more comment before I'm off to sleep. If I could turn back time I would trade all my daughter's wonderful grades to get her innocence back. Focusing on grades was like polishing the finish on a fine vehicle when I should have been paying attention to the slowly developing engine trouble. I will not be mentioning this online any more; I need to move beyond it and get on with things. But if my postings today have helped even one person here it will be worth my embarrassment. Dana Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 I just wanted to weigh in with one more comment before I'm off to sleep. If I could turn back time I would trade all my daughter's wonderful grades to get her innocence back. Focusing on grades was like polishing the finish on a fine vehicle when I should have been paying attention to the slowly developing engine trouble. I will not be mentioning this online any more; I need to move beyond it and get on with things. But if my postings today have helped even one person here it will be worth my embarrassment. Dana I am so sorry you and your dd have had such troubles. Putting mine in ps has never been an option for which I am truly grateful. But sharing, embarrassment and all, here on the boards, has already done some good to a few wavering folks and that is worth a great deal. There have been some wonderful responses from others more eloquent than I but I did want to give you a :grouphug: and say thank you for putting yourself out there in such a naked manner. You did good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcconnellboys Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 I will just add that we have been somewhat complacent, thinking that homeschooling our children would protect them from the culture of the schools. But even this is not so.... If they have friends who are in public schools, there is a very real chance that at some point they are going to be exposed to something of this culture. Take care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Highereducation Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 Dana, Thank you so much for sharing your experience. Dh and I get a lot of criticism about our efforts to allow our dd(8) as much of a childhood as possible. Hearing your words reinforces my convictions that we need to follow our own path and listen to our hearts where she is concerned. You and your family will be in my prayers. Kris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.