What grade is your 13 yo?

[Bay Lake Mom]

My daughter has a late September birthday (2008). She will be 14 this fall. This year she is considered an 8th grader for all activities (church, American Heritage Girls,...) We started Kindergarten when she was 4; turning 5.  We've never really focused on "grade level". I was thinking of having her official 8th grade year be next year, and that will make her 18 when she graduates. We have also faced tremendous amounts of stress over the past few years. My husband passed away last year, and our lives have completely changed. I'm also going to be going back to school (hopefully) in the fall. So, I was thinking an extra year before high school might make things easier, but I'm concerned I'm not being fair to her. 

If I go ahead and let her officially be in 9th grade this fall she will only be 17 when she graduates. She would probably do okay with high school level materials. She is ready to move into Algebra 1 this fall. Her writing is a bit weak, but I think we could catch up. I was thinking of using Essentials in Writing Gr. 9.

I guess I'm just trying to determine what grade she "should" be in based on age. Late fall birthdays make it so hard!

Edited April 19, 2022 by Bay Lake Mom

[Slache]

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😊

[Ting Tang]

This is probably not very helpful, but I have a son with a July birthday. He is a young child yet, but he will be 17 when he graduates from high school.  Our public school goes by a September 1st birthday--you must turn 5 by then to start Kindergarten.  I also graduated from high school when I was 17, but it was a conscious choice to graduate a year early, which required I take extra classes.  There were less options then to earn college credit during high school.  I'm sorry for everything you have been through.  I wonder if you could have a discussion with her about everything?  I know high school requires careful planning.  If she has specific goals for her future, that is what I would look at...  Not everyone has to go away to college, live in dorms, etc.  But being prepared for a field of study would be important.  I personally prefer my kids to "graduate" as soon as possible.  Not because I want to rush them, but I really want to get out of the legal requirements of education that could potentially change at any time. So I want to keep making sure I am giving them what they need now.  I think it is good you are considering various aspects of this now.  

Edited April 19, 2022 by Ting Tang

[Wheres Toto]

Me, dh, and our two homeschooled kids all have summer birthdays.   Dh and I both graduated high school at 17 without doing anything special.  Now that seems much less common.  Red shirting summer and even late spring birthdays is extremely common around here.

We've always just answered with the grade they could legally be in when asked, which puts my 14 year old in 9th grade, so she was in 8th at 13.  But if she had gone to public school, we likely would have waited a year so she would have been 13 in 7th grade. 

My son was in Early Intervention and they actually told us not to send him to kindergarten until he was 6 (part of what lead to us homeschooling), so he would have been 13 in 7th grade.   He's 16 now and graduated early and is going to our local community college.  

Around here Algebra is often done in 7th or 8th grade.

[8filltheheart]

(I am slightly confused.  I have a child who was born in late 2009 and she is 12.  She won't be 13 until the end of the yr when she will be 1/2 way through 7th grade next yr.  (Just not sure how a Sept 2009 bday is getting ready to turn 14, unless that was a typo and you meant 2008.)

All that aside, I wouldn't base it on age so much as readiness.  I personally wouldn't want my 9th graders in alg 1 bc I consider that a slow progression.  I would also want a 9th grader to have solid writing skills. 

Based on your description, what advantages do you see in having her progress to 9th grade?

[73349]

DS turned 13 halfway through 7th and will graduate at either 18 or 19. He's young for his age and--although he's bright--has some challenges, so I believe he will benefit from extra time.

I turned 13 halfway through 8th, enjoyed graduating and going to college a couple of hours away from home at 17, and got my BA at 21.

Watch the baby, not the clock.

[EKS]

I'd keep records as though she were in high school next year.  This will allow you to decide the timing of graduation once you have more information.

One thing I do know is that sometimes when kids turn 18 early in their senior year they can get a little disgruntled about doing mom-assigned schoolwork.

 

[Bay Lake Mom]

43 minutes ago, 8filltheheart said:

(I am slightly confused.  I have a child who was born in late 2009 and she is 12.  She won't be 13 until the end of the yr when she will be 1/2 way through 7th grade next yr.  (Just not sure how a Sept 2009 bday is getting ready to turn 14, unless that was a typo and you meant 2008.)

Sorry. Yes, it was a typo. I have since fixed it. It should read 2008. Thanks for pointing it out.

[8filltheheart]

Thought as much. I would encourage you to think through pros/cons of 9th over 8th. FWIW, by far my kids have been 18 when they graduated and it has always been seen by them as a positive as adults. No regrets.

[PeterPan]

3 hours ago, Bay Lake Mom said:

This year she is considered an 8th grader for all activities (church, American Heritage Girls,...)

Socially a retention at this stage, if she has been blending successfully, would be very hard. I'm getting ready to retain my ds who is the same age, so I know there are times to retain. However our ps IEP team (he's homeschooled but has an IEP) is bucking REALLY HARD, saying they avoid grade retentions at this time LIKE THE PLAGUE because of the social problems it causes.

3 hours ago, Bay Lake Mom said:

We have also faced tremendous amounts of stress over the past few years. My husband passed away last year, and our lives have completely changed.

That's not a reason to do a grade retention. You can't cling to her. She WILL want to launch developmentally, whether you're ready for it or not.

3 hours ago, Bay Lake Mom said:

I'm also going to be going back to school (hopefully) in the fall.

Another reason to put her in a structured high school program and let her move forward.

If you told her you were considering grade retention, what would be her response? My guess/assumption is that she'd want to try harder, double up, and get it done. Doubtless she wants to stay with her peers. 

Is grade retention something you had been considering for her *before* your dh passed? Like I said, I'm fighting to officially grade retain mine (which is not as easy as it sounds, not when you have an IEP) and it has been obvious for several years that this was coming. He functions multiple grade levels behind in all subjects, places socially better a year behind, and has diagnosed developmental delays (ASD2). He also has zero sense of his age relative to his peers, no herd/tribe I'd be disconnecting him from. In fact, part of the reason to do it now is BECAUSE I want to get him in the youth group placed in a grade (the new/retained grade) and get him settled.

Grade retention has been studied and in general is not well advised. It is likely to backfire if she is developmentally typical at all. I so so wanted my dd to have some extra bloom time. With her ADHD, it would have been a good thing! She would have none of it and off she went. Now a year later she realized I was right but she was gone, sigh. 

Let her go. I'm so sorry to hear your dh passed. That's a huge upheaval, but grade retaining it will not make it better for her. She has to move on, and staying with her tribe is probably a great, stabilizing benefit.

[kiwik]

The dates are not relevant since I am not in the US but I have one that will be 17.5 at then end of high school and one that will be 18.5.

[smfmommy]

Most of mine turned/will turn 18 in the spring/summer of their senior year.  I have one boy who will be 18 his whole senior year.  Technically I could put him in ninth grade next year.  He can do the math and is going to start Antiquities regardless.  But I feel we need another year of maturity and writing skills.  I also think an extra year of being able to take community college classes as a high schooler would be beneficial to him.  If he really balks his junior year I can adjust his transcript and graduate him early so he can start working full time.  You might take into consideration what local programs are offered to high schoolers.  It might be in her benefit to let her take part and think of it as a super senior sort of year.

[ScoutTN]

My homeschooler is on the young side and will turn 18 the summer after she graduates.

My child in school is a year old for his grade - we started him in K at 6 - and will be 18 his whole senior year, turning 19 the summer he graduates.

One size does not fit all. 

What does your Dd want to do? If social and academic things are good, I wouldn’t rock the boat.

She can always do a gap year before college if you think she needs more time when you get to that point.

Also, lots of homeschoolers we know are mis-matched in their academic year vs. extracurriculars or church.

[Insertcreativenamehere]

I have a 12 yo 6th grader with a mid-September birthdate, so she will turn 13 at the beginning of 7th grade. She is currently homeschooled but will go to school next year and I expect her to be one of the oldest/tallest for her grade level. 

[LauraClark]

DS has a late September birthday here too (a few years younger than yours) and I have him a grade ahead right now. At some point I'm planning to put him back so he graduates at 18 instead of 17. My main reason is that he can get free community college until he has his hs diploma-it would give us an extra year of free classes.

[nwahomeschoolmom]

Decades ago, I was a late fall birthday starting kindergarten.  I was young for my grade, but advanced academically so that was never an issue.  I was 17 when I started college and I REALLY regret it.  I was SO not mature enough.  Even if you decide to have your daughter just work for a year, I highly recommend postponing higher education until 18.   Whether or not she does 8th or 9th the next year, probably doesn't matter as much as waiting to start college until at least 18 if possible.  If my boys attend college, I am going to have them wait until at least 19!  (Gaining work experience/choosing a trade in the meantime.)

[Ellie]

On 4/19/2022 at 2:25 PM, Bay Lake Mom said:

My daughter has a late September birthday (2008). She will be 14 this fall. This year she is considered an 8th grader for all activities (church, American Heritage Girls,...) We started Kindergarten when she was 4; turning 5.  We've never really focused on "grade level". I was thinking of having her official 8th grade year be next year, and that will make her 18 when she graduates. We have also faced tremendous amounts of stress over the past few years. My husband passed away last year, and our lives have completely changed. I'm also going to be going back to school (hopefully) in the fall. So, I was thinking an extra year before high school might make things easier, but I'm concerned I'm not being fair to her. 

If I go ahead and let her officially be in 9th grade this fall she will only be 17 when she graduates. She would probably do okay with high school level materials. She is ready to move into Algebra 1 this fall. Her writing is a bit weak, but I think we could catch up. I was thinking of using Essentials in Writing Gr. 9.

I guess I'm just trying to determine what grade she "should" be in based on age. Late fall birthdays make it so hard!

I have a July bday; both of my dds have May bdays; we would have been in 8th grade at 13, because the cut-off date in our states was September 1. If the cut-off date in your state is September 1ish, then yes, she would be in 8th grade this year. In school, she would have been older for her grade.

When hsed dc participate in Sunday school or other activities which group children by grade level instead of by age, I "place" hsed children based strictly on their birthdates and the cut-off date in their states. If the cut off is 6yo by September 1, then a hsed child with a late September bday would 6yo when she enters 1st grade, and have her 7th bday later in the month. That was my mother. Her bday was September 18, so she was 6 at the beginning of the school year, and then had her 7th bday. "Grade level" in this context has nothing to do with maturity or academic achievement or anything; it's just a way to group child by [very] approximate age. If you were with me when I mentioned my bday and my dc's bdays, you'll know that we were all 17 when we graduated and were 18 shortly thereafter; your dd being 17 when she graduates doesn't mean much, really.

So, long story short, if you're going to use a grade-level designation, you're already sort of committed to next year being her 9th grade, since you've let her do 8th grade activities this year. And she'll be 18 when she graduates, if you stick to 12-years-just-like-school, even though there's no real reason to do that. I graduated my dds on their 16 bdays, because both started taking classes at the community college when they were 14, and at 16, they were clearly finished learning at home, so I graduated them. Which is my long, drawn-out way of saying there's no reason you have to wait until your dd is 18 to graduate her, either, but even if she is, she won't be the first. She'll be fine.

[Nart]

In California she would be in 7th grade. CA now has a Sept 1st cut off date to enter K by 5. Your family is going through a lot, I would definitely keep her back and wait a year for high school. 

[SKL]

Apparently it depends on the state.

Given a choice, I'd rather my kids finish school earlier rather than later, because it is easier to manage what a younger child does.  The closer they get to 18, the more they want to push their own agenda, which isn't always best in the long run.

Both of my kids entered 9th at 13yo and turned 14 in the fall/winter.

[Clemsondana]

My kids both turned 13 in 7th grade.  We followed the dates in our state.  Grade hasn't had too much affect on what we do, school-wise.  Some material is 'on grade level' but we do what is appropriate.  Co-op classes are mixed grade and they let kids take older or younger classes if that's the best fit.  Sports are by age, not grade, so that hasn't been an issue.  Church activities are the most 'grade-specific' of anything that we do, but once the kids get to youth many things are 6-12 although there are some 'middle school' and 'high school' specific activities.  They would likely be flexible if there was an issue, though.  I've known kids to take an extra pass through 8th or to use a 5-year plan and add an extra year of high school.  I see fewer kids looking to graduate early even though many take dual enrollment as high schoolers.  I think it's because a lot of kids in my orbit are involved in extracurriculars that will go away once they are past 12th grade.  They don't want to give up those last few years with their teams!  

[macmacmoo]

My son is 13. He will be 14 in August. He will be going into 8th grade homeschool wise. If he were in the school system he could have been in 9th grade,

[BusyMom5]

She would be in 7th grade where I live,  and I think its a good idea to put her with same age peers.   There are a few kids who are ready to go off to college early, so you could plan and document as if shes a 9th grade next year,  then wait until Jr year to decide.   I actually did that with my oldest (gifted, always ahead in academics).  She didn't go to college early, and I am so glad!  She wasn't ready mentally, even though academically she was.  Instead we pursued DE on campus, so she still took all college classes!  I didn't see any benefit to sending her off early if I could still provide some school here while giving her time to grow up a bit more, drive, work,  etc.  Shes now loving her college life!  

Ive got a September birthday starting Kindergarten early, but at some point I want her with her real grade before she goes off to college.  Right now I suspect she will be working at least a grade level ahead for several years, but I count by age, not the level of the books we use. 

[Bay Lake Mom]

Thank you all. Your opinions and suggestions have been very helpful. My daughter has a large group of established friends at church, swim, and American Heritage Girls. Her Sunday school class is based on grade, and she's been in the 8th grade class this year. So... I am going to count her as a 9th grader next year. If we feel she's not ready to graduate/move on to college when she's in 12th grade, then we will add a bonus year.

I talked with her, and she really wants to move on to 9th grade. She wants to be on level with her peers, and that makes sense. 

I also like the idea of her graduating high school the same time I will graduate from college (online university).  She told me that we can't share a graduation party though. 😂