I do not enjoy scouts, what do I do?

[Janeway]

Crazy problem, but...daughter wanted to join scouts to be with her friends. I do not think she enjoys scouts, but she does enjoy her friends. She goes to be with her friends. If her friends are ever not there, she won't stay. She is clearly not that in to it, it is just her social time. Which I guess is fine. 

Since she is there, we took the other two younger children. One is in a BSA troop so he goes at a different time from us. He loves it and is totally invested in it. He never cares who will be there, he just loves going and working forward in things. The youngest one is in a lower grader. And he was the first to join so I ended up his den leader. Here is where my problem comes in. I spend more time and money on his scouts than I am comfortable with. And while he enjoys going, he doesn't really care at this point. I have been making sacrifices to our home school so that I can spend time and money planning and prepping for everything with the scout group.  Everyone pays dues but I pay, out of my own pocket, for the supplies for meetings. I am stressed from all the work. And I am floored that when someone is a volunteer, we have to pay to be there too. So for example, I have to pay dues to be a den leader as well as pay for my child to be there. BUT, the other families in the group only have to pay for their kids to be there. They want volunteers for summer camp, but turns out, volunteers have to pay to be at camp too. So, I could just pay for my child and leave, or I could pay extra to stay and volunteer.  But an even bigger issue is that it is affecting our homeschool a lot. So much has gone by the wayside at home so that I can work and plan for and pay for stuff for the scout den. 

So everyone is relying on me to continue as den leader. AND, my daughter, who struggles A LOT socially loves her friends there. She does not like scouts itself, but likes her friends. She will only have until February next year for doing this and then will level up to a BSA troop. I feel like once she does this, I can/should exit the scene. I would love to leave sooner, but it seems awkward to bring her on those nights to the same meeting I was supposed to be a den leader and then just not bring my son and not be a leader anymore. But I actually dread doing this.

 

Edited to add: this is a situation that has caused me a lot of distress. I cannot stand spending all my money, time, and energy, trying to plan things for other people. We skip history and science a lot at home for the most part as a result and the house is in disarray. I ended up being the leader of 2 dens, not just one, so I have to purchase and pay for all the supplies for two groups of kids. That is after planning for this large group. I have had no help at all and have done everything from ground up, alone. I had never been in scouts before (other than when I was young myself) and walked in to this cold. I had to rely in searching the internet for information on how to run a meeting and things to do and requirements and everything. (only to find out in February, there was a den leaders guide that no one bothered to give me. And no one at all stepped up to help me or tell me how things were done).

Edited March 24, 2022 by Janeway

[Katy]

I’m not sure what the question is. Volunteers pay for scouting, especially at camp. I think it’s always been that way. If it doesn’t work for your family it’s okay to stop. Personally I’d let a daughter go to scouts solely for the social time, especially if she’s homeschooled.

[kristin0713]

Step down as a leader. “This is no longer working for my family and I need to step down.” Someone else whose kid loves it can step up or they will find another den. If you think it’s important to keep your daughter with her friends, bring her as long as she’s happy. But I’d also be looking for something else for her that is not scouts. 

[HomeAgain]

Right now is actually a good time to stop.  Well, not right now, but May/June.  Cub scouts isn't really active in the summer.  It's fine to organize your materials, offer your binder to the pack, and gracefully step down so you don't leave the kids in the middle of a year.  Package it as a benefit for the kids, with a twinge of regret that your youngest is choosing other activities next year.

[Janeway]

7 minutes ago, Katy said:

I’m not sure what the question is. Volunteers pay for scouting, especially at camp. I think it’s always been that way. If it doesn’t work for your family it’s okay to stop. Personally I’d let a daughter go to scouts solely for the social time, especially if she’s homeschooled.

I think it would make more sense to give a discount to the families who volunteer their time and money than to charge them double. I have never been in an organization where they wanted and needed volunteers so bad, and then stick the volunteer with the bill. Even in our home school groups, every family pays. But those who do the volunteer work to keep things going are exempt or at least discounted. But scouts is different. Every child has to be paid for, and if an adult volunteers, that adult has to pay the same cost to be a volunteer as for the child to go and have fun. AND, that adult is stuck with the cost of the volunteering-which means buying all supplies for the meetings for the other kids to do stuff with. It makes me wonder what the dues money is for. 

Edited March 24, 2022 by Janeway

[HomeAgain]

4 minutes ago, Janeway said:

I think it would make more sense to give a discount to the families who volunteer their time and money than to charge them double. I have never been in an organization where they wanted and needed volunteers so bad, and then stick the volunteer with the bill. Even in our home school groups, every family pays. But those who do the volunteer work to keep things going are exempt or at least discounted. But scouts is different. Every child has to be paid for, and if an adult volunteers, that adult has to pay the same cost to be a volunteer as for the child to go and have fun. AND, that adult is stuck with the cost of the volunteering-which means buying all supplies for the meetings for the other kids to do stuff with. It makes me wonder what the dues money is for. 

It's the difference between operating on a shoestring budget and having wiggle room.

The costs of the camps and other things are directly related to supplies, food, and paperwork.  Discounting those means the costs rise for the rest to cover the materials, food, and administration side (insurance, background checks, etc.).  It's not that they're out to make money.  It's that these things have to be paid for.

You should definitely be questioning the dues and looking at the books.  Ask what they cover.  Find out what's doing what.

FWIW, when I was a cub scout leader I had a parent sign up for a month at a time to tandem plan and assist me at meetings.  The reason for this was multifaceted.  I wanted to tap into parents' strengths for various beltloop skills.  I wanted the parents to feel comfortable with the process and know more about scouting.  I wanted them to feel like a part of scouts (since it's family oriented at that age) and be confident in helping their kids.  We didn't have dues, so much of what we did was based on what each person had at home and we got creative with materials.  I did cover all snacks out of pocket.  We met after school and it was easier on me to make sure they had a high protein or nutrient packed nibble than to rely on popcorn or graham cracker donations.

Anyway, there are a lot of solutions to the concerns you have.  I would start preparing parents now for the transition later.

[Janeway]

8 minutes ago, HomeAgain said:

It's the difference between operating on a shoestring budget and having wiggle room.

The costs of the camps and other things are directly related to supplies, food, and paperwork.  Discounting those means the costs rise for the rest to cover the materials, food, and administration side (insurance, background checks, etc.).  It's not that they're out to make money.  It's that these things have to be paid for.

You should definitely be questioning the dues and looking at the books.  Ask what they cover.  Find out what's doing what.

FWIW, when I was a cub scout leader I had a parent sign up for a month at a time to tandem plan and assist me at meetings.  The reason for this was multifaceted.  I wanted to tap into parents' strengths for various beltloop skills.  I wanted the parents to feel comfortable with the process and know more about scouting.  I wanted them to feel like a part of scouts (since it's family oriented at that age) and be confident in helping their kids.  We didn't have dues, so much of what we did was based on what each person had at home and we got creative with materials.  I did cover all snacks out of pocket.  We met after school and it was easier on me to make sure they had a high protein or nutrient packed nibble than to rely on popcorn or graham cracker donations.

Anyway, there are a lot of solutions to the concerns you have.  I would start preparing parents now for the transition later.

I would love more details on this. I did ask for people to look at the requirements and see if there is anything they could do with a meeting. I think I was too passive in this. The parents are nice and all. But only two have stepped in. 
 

About the camp, we have to bring our own food and supplies. So there is nothing being supplied to us. The kids do things where the camp pays for those supplies. 

[HomeAgain]

17 minutes ago, Janeway said:

I would love more details on this. I did ask for people to look at the requirements and see if there is anything they could do with a meeting. I think I was too passive in this. The parents are nice and all. But only two have stepped in. 
 

I "required" it.  Basically, at our first meeting I set up a bunch of stations for the kids so I could explain cub scout structure and progression to the parents.  At the same time, we all looked over the types of tasks in the book and the topics they related to.  I sent around a sign up sheet with each topic and a place for name/email next to them and asked them to fill in which they would be helping with, and we'd organize our meetings from there.

It's the "You! Call 911!" approach.  When given specifics, people will usually step in.  If they have to choose and make a decision, they won't.  You can start this now and tell them straight up that you need help for the last month, and you need at least one person for each of these topics: X, Y, Z...please sign up for one.

 

And now you know the tactic also used on me to become secretary in our troop, starting next month. 🤣

[Janeway]

33 minutes ago, HomeAgain said:

I "required" it.  Basically, at our first meeting I set up a bunch of stations for the kids so I could explain cub scout structure and progression to the parents.  At the same time, we all looked over the types of tasks in the book and the topics they related to.  I sent around a sign up sheet with each topic and a place for name/email next to them and asked them to fill in which they would be helping with, and we'd organize our meetings from there.

It's the "You! Call 911!" approach.  When given specifics, people will usually step in.  If they have to choose and make a decision, they won't.  You can start this now and tell them straight up that you need help for the last month, and you need at least one person for each of these topics: X, Y, Z...please sign up for one.

 

And now you know the tactic also used on me to become secretary in our troop, starting next month. 🤣

I think I will at least make a sign up sheet and talk to each parent about it at the very next meeting. I was in tears a lot yesterday over everything (the bigger picture thing). When we joined, our child was the only little one. There had been no recruiting since Covid. So there I was…first time scout and leading a meeting with no clue what a meeting should look like. I did all the training online that I could, and I googled how to do a meeting. Apparently, everyone loved it and I had ten members between the two dens I was leading within a short period of time. 
 

But now, I have my grandma coming here for her 96th birthday. Both my parents are dead and I am so lucky to still have my grandma. But I cannot even get ready for her visit because I have to spend all my time and money on cub scouts. This visit is far too important to throw away. I cannot imagine there will ever be another one. Also, I am frugal. So when I am not buying myself SOTW on download like I should (I have the CDs) but I am spending hundreds of dollars to give free labor and supplies for all these other people’s kids, it is a lot. But I don’t want to have to skip seeing my own grandmother for the last time for this.

Edited to add: it is possible I am overreacting. But I am quite overwhelmed these days.

Edited March 24, 2022 by Janeway

[amyx4]

Thanks Let me try to address the money issues. I was the treasurer of the Pack for a billion years.

The biggest expense is called registration or rechartering. Ours was due in January. That amount is set by the council. It's running about $125/yr. ALL OF THAT MONEY goes to council. None of it helps to run the Pack or Dens. The parents pay the $125 registration for their Scout. The pack paid for the adult leaders' $125 each year. The pack also pays for what ever happens at a pack mtg. Packs meeting happen once a month. Generally, run by the Cubmaster. This gives the den leaders "sort of" one week "off" a month.  To fund things that happened during pack meetings and the leaders' registration, the entire Pack participated in one to three car washes per calendar year. 

Stuff that happens during a den meeting was covered in one of three ways. Which the parents were told about in September. Dens either collected $X per week for the den leader to spend on stuff. Or the den leader brought in the receipt and the den parents split the receipt each week. Or the leader gave the kids a list each week and the kids brought the stuff in. Please bring a 6' piece of wood etc. Weird but it did work for one den. 

Finally, at the place we met there was a Pack cabinet. All the den leaders had the code. It had markers, hammers, rope, trash bags, etc., etc., All the dens could use anything as long as they put it back. The cabinet was organized and restocked once a year out of car wash money. Sometimes parents donated stuff to the cabinet. It's also where the leaders' books were kept.

Does your pack have leaders/committee meetings? Do you have an assistant den leader? Do you have a Pack treasurer? Den meetings should only last one hour. Stop feeding the den. We only had food at the monthly Pack meetings because they ran 90 minutes.

I don't have any opinion if you should keep volunteering but I do think you need to find the Cubmaster and the Pack's treasure asap possible to handle all of your questions.

If you want, I can offer other advice about your other questions. But I wanted to get the financials addressed first because it seems to be your biggest concern right now.

Finally, it's fine to cancel a meeting if you have personal event. Or let your Assistant Den leader run that meeting

Edited March 24, 2022 by amyx4

[Bambam]

One idea - when I led groups and we needed supplies, I created Signup Genius lists and let folks sign up. Most people were happy (or at least they didn't complain!) to sign up to bring an item.  Now this did mean that sometimes (rarely) someone forgot. It happens. We always managed to work around it. But mostly if a mom couldn't make it, she would contact another mom to bring her supply. These moms were mostly pretty invested in making this event work for their kids (mostly because all their kids could participate in one activity, so it was great for them to have one activity that everyone could share)

We had snacks for every meeting (Not my idea but this was popular with the kids!) and we published a signup genius list early in the year for you to sign up. 

As the leader, you do NOT have to provide everything!

As I left one group, I suggested to the next parent that it might help if they delegated some work to the other parents, so she created another SingupGenius list - lead this particular event, lead this monthly community service event (always the same thing at the same place), etc. So, she was the leader, but she delegated some events to others. Some were happy to help lead a small piece but didn't want to do the entire thing. It seems to be working well. She is also very frank about the fact if you want your kids to have this opportunity, you need to step up and help in some way (and she has a list of ways to help!)

 

Edited March 24, 2022 by Bambam

[vonfirmath]

2 hours ago, Janeway said:

I think it would make more sense to give a discount to the families who volunteer their time and money than to charge them double. I have never been in an organization where they wanted and needed volunteers so bad, and then stick the volunteer with the bill. Even in our home school groups, every family pays. But those who do the volunteer work to keep things going are exempt or at least discounted. But scouts is different. Every child has to be paid for, and if an adult volunteers, that adult has to pay the same cost to be a volunteer as for the child to go and have fun. AND, that adult is stuck with the cost of the volunteering-which means buying all supplies for the meetings for the other kids to do stuff with. It makes me wonder what the dues money is for. 

Our adults do NOT pay as much as the kids do.

The adults in AHG pay for their registration fee/background check. ($35) But the kids pay more beyond that. ($20 to the AHG organization plus dues to the troop)

Even for camp, kids pay twice as much as adults. But the adults still eat food.

I lead the AHG stuff I do because my kid loves it and I want it to be there for them. But if I were bitter and resented the work I was doing, that would not be helpful.  HOWEVER -- we also have  a policy that every parent needs to help somehow. MANY of our parents get registered. And I have been quite happy to drop a few events when no one stepped up to run it rather than run myself ragged to complete it. We've got dues that cover supplies, or we charge for events that people participate in. There is no goal that the leaders pay for their units out of pocket. Some leaders ask the parents for help with supplies. Others make due with what is sitting around the house. But they also have some supply money that is built into dues for paying for a few things.

 

If you don't like leading, please step down. It is making you bitter and that is not good for you or them.

 

Edited March 24, 2022 by vonfirmath

[wintermom]

That seems like a weird system - that adult volunteers have to pay for themselves. I don't believe it works this way in Canada. Here each group requires parents to volunteer x number of hours. I don't know anymore details as my dc were never interested in scouts.

You may want to move your dc into an ROTC program as they get older. The volunteering and financial requirements may be much better for you.

For example, there may be something like this available: Air Force Junior Reserve Officer Training Corps (AFJROTC)

[Emba]

This is why many organizations fail - leaders burn out and there’s no one to fill the gap. If this is important to your kids and you want to continue (though I think you are by no means obligated) you have to find a way to make it workable for you as well. That includes phrasing requests for other parents to pitch in more forcefully, and being willing to drop planned activities if no one else is willing to help with time or money. And I know nothing about scouts, but if dues aren’t helping pay for things that are needed, are you doing any other fund raisers that will? I know organizing a fundraiser is a whole ‘norther headache, and it may be too late for that this year, but something to keep in mind later maybe. 
 

for the immediate, i like the idea of passing around a sign up sheet for snacks, or doing away with them, as well as explaining that den finances don’t stretch to cover meeting activities and members will need to bring X amount for next meeting. People might grumble, but if they do you can explain more in private if you wish. Lots of people want cool activities for their kids; few want to do the work. A few more are totally willing to pitch in money instead of time, but most people will come up with a few bucks if pressed.

 At some point I think it behooves most leaders to make totally clear that the benefits that the organization offers their kids will no longer be available if parents don’t step up, because if don’t, current leaders will step down. I’ve given that speech to my DD’s band boosters. And some parents may imply that we should be totally willing to set ourselves on fire to warm the children (it’s all about the kids!) but I think it’s important to hold firm that you personally are not willing to do that even if they are.

Edited March 24, 2022 by Emba

[Xahm]

Have you talked about this in the Pack Committee Meeting? I just sent out an e-mail yesterday to the other members of our committee suggesting we look at the fees we charge to find a way to pay for leader's fees and materials as a standard thing, not just when we have extra money from a gift. 

My husband and I are both den leaders. We are both very frugal and know our limits. At the first meeting and in an early e-mail, I told the Lion (Kindergarten age) parents that if anyone wanted to be sure we have snacks, they could volunteer to be snack coordinator and set up a Sign-up Genius or similar. No one volunteered. We don't have snacks. It's okay with everyone. Over the course of the year, I've bought stuff to make trail mix for one activity, a kickball, potting soil, bean seeds, and cups. That's probably 25$ worth. Everything else I've scrounged and made do with stuff around the house or Scout Hut, and it's all gone really well. If there's something I don't have, I either shoot out an e-mail to the parents, or I substitute a different activity. One of my children is in a den with a very generous den leader. She buys cool supplies, gives snacks each week, and even buys the kids Christmas presents. She loves to do it, but it's probably much more than she should do. 

My recommendation is to figure out your limits and then communicate them clearly. Probably you should lead one den as a maximum. I was just thinking yesterday how much volunteering with Scouting has given me the opportunity to really improve my communication and leadership skills. Three times this past week, I did something that would have made me very nervous before, as I have a certain amount of social anxiety, and each time went well (or well enough). I think the pack committee chair may be a little annoyed with me, but other members have thanked me for bringing up difficult issues.

[Soror]

I would be going to the Cubmaster about supplies. There should be pack dues and fundraising to help pay for this stuff. Otherwise, I would be planning activities that didn't cost so much. Dh and I led Scouts (BSA and AHG) for 10+ yrs. Yes, we had to pay registration fees for both (although for some of this the sponsoring organization covered some leaders cost). But when we had activities that cost us OOP we shared that cost with the members or it came out of Unit funds, we didn't foot that bill on our own. We tried to do whatever we could on the cheap- because I didn't want to have to pass costs on. 

I'd not feel guilty about quitting- as pp said at the end of the school year would be the perfect time to do that. Let someone else step up. YOu sound very burned out- that is not a good place to be.

Edited March 24, 2022 by Soror

[QueenCat]

You're in a weird situation. Every BSA Troop and Pack we've been involved with paid for it's leaders registrations and camp fees. The leaders didn't pay it. When dh and I were den leaders (different times, not together), we had den dues to cover expenses. We occasionally paid out of pocket for things, but not much. Our den meetings were usually 90 minutes, unless it was a field trip. Snacks were done through a snack list. 

[KungFuPanda]

Scout Leadership can be a stressful time suck when you LIKE it. I loved it, and did it for 7 years, but it was Girl Scouts so I had a lot of control over our agenda. It was also a homeschooling co-op troupe and each parent took a turn leading a meeting. Still I had to think of all of the expenses as fees for my own personal hobby because I really did love teaching outdoor skills to little girls. I paid for camping, getting fingerprinted, supplies, etc. I did not realize going in how expensive volunteering would get. It’s ok to change your mind once you have more information. You do not need to apologize for that. 
 

The uncomfortable conversation will be much quicker and easier for you than continuing to lead. I’d finish out the year, but let everyone know now that it will be your last. You can STILL be one of the parents who shows up and pitches in for specific tasks that have narrower parameters and definite start/end dates.  The next leader will LOVE having a parent who understands the full scope of the job. Thank that person, then go home and do your own lesson plans. It’s FINE. 

[Loowit]

Our pack based its dues annually to cover supplies for the den leaders.  Many never put in for reimbursement, but some did.  We had an annual planning meeting once a year in the spring to plan out the next year.  Our council also gives one free adult for each summer camp.  We always gave that to the den leader (or scoutmaster as we moved into the troop).  I know different councils plan things differently though.

It is okay to drop being a leader if you can't do it any more either financially or just mentally.  I say this as someone who was always sad to have leaders quit and hated having to always be on the lookout for new leaders.  But we tried to treat our leaders well.  We provided training, materials, etc.  I think that the lack of support from your pack is pathetic.

Getting parents involved can help.  We had to be pretty up front with parents about the needs of the den leaders, and that without their help things just weren't going to happen.  Can you ask the parents to provide materials for their own children, instead of having to pay for supplies?  Can you ask the pack where the money from dues is going and if you can get reimbursed for supplies?  Or ask parents to contribute to meeting, maybe put out a supply list asking for donations or just say here is the supplies I need so everyone needs to bring $5 to help cover the cost.  Maybe the parents don't know you are covering everything out of pocket.

We are no longer in scouting.  We were scout leaders in the pack and later in the troop for over 13 years.  Our oldest made Eagle and aged out and our 16 years old made Life and decided he was done.  The cost of scouting has gone up tremendously since we joined.  When our 19 year old was a tiger it was only $10/yr registration fee, and camps were much cheaper.  When we first registered him we paid $10.  Now to register for cub scouts it is $97 which includes a one time joining fee of $25, plus the annual fee of $72 (pro-rated depending on when you join).  His first day camp was only $80 for a week (which he paid for with fundraising), and his first resident camp (3 days/2 nights) was only $160 if I remember correctly.  Now there are no more day camps in our area, and cub scout resident camps (3 days/2 nights) are $266 for the early bird pricing.  Scouts BSA camps are even more averaging around $450 (they were somewhere around $260 for DS's first Boy Scout camp).  Recharter fees and camp fees are really starting to price people out of scouting.  We did fundraising every year, and we able to pay for all our boys camps that way except the year DH had cancer and we didn't have time to fundraise.

[ScoutTN]

6 hours ago, QueenCat said:

You're in a weird situation. Every BSA Troop and Pack we've been involved with paid for it's leaders registrations and camp fees. The leaders didn't pay it. When dh and I were den leaders (different times, not together), we had den dues to cover expenses. We occasionally paid out of pocket for things, but not much. Our den meetings were usually 90 minutes, unless it was a field trip. Snacks were done through a snack list. 

This. Our BSA pack and troop and AHG troop pay for leaders’ registration out of fundraiser monies. They also pay for all basic badge supplies. These are budgeted expenses.

We cover half of leaders’ camp fees.

Scouting is lots ofwork, but it shouldn’t be overwhelming or dumped on one person. If you hate it, drop it in the spring. You shouldn’t be alone as a den leader because of two-deep leadership requirements. 

[ScoutTN]

Many charter organizations will pay the recharter fee if you ask, if they care about the troop/pack at all.

Cultivating an ethos of participation and service takes time and energy. A group in leadership must choose to grow this and to communicate it explicitly, frequently, and graciously. There need to be big and small jobs, short term and longer, jobs for all sorts of abilities. Good stepping stones or on-ramps to the bigger leadership commitments. Our AHG troop requires adult participation after the family’s first year, but there are always exceptions and seasons to serving.

 

[Happy Camper]

Some good responses already, just adding that our Pack covers registration fees and pays for camp for leaders, but I realize that not all Packs have as many funds to work with. It's difficult to tell if the cost is the biggest issue or the time commitment. I like what others have said about both. You should definitely speak to the leadership about your concerns, and if the Pack doesn't do any fundraising, that would be a good place to start. (I would strongly suggest that the Pack come up with their own rather than a Council fundraiser, where the Council keeps a big chunk - at least until they have enough money to cover the costs of the leaders.) 

You sound like a fantastic leader, but if it's all too much (which I can completely understand!), then step down, even if it's just for a time so you can give the Pack time to figure out how to support the leaders better. You shouldn't have to pay for supplies out of pocket. Try to finish out the school year if you can. 

[BusyMom5]

It sounds like you have invested a lot of time and effort into your scouting troup- do the other parents know you have had to buy supplies?  Maybe they think their dues covered it.  If my kid were in your den, I might assume my registration fees were used for supplies.  I think you should sit down tonight and draft an e-mail explaining how much you have spent,  and ask if any parents are willing to chip in for further activities.   Tell them just what you told us, that you are new to scouting and didn't realize that it would cost so much. If you have receipts for the supplies,  even better!  If not, just estimate.   I think you will get a lot of support from the parents!  

[Indigo Blue]

When we pulled ds out to homeschool in grade 4, older son (public school) had been involved in scouting for several years. I had a good idea of the level of commitment scouting entailed. So I knew going forward that, with scouting and homeschooling together, one of the things would suffer. I didn’t want that to be his core academic education. I knew that, personally, I couldn’t pull off both of them without feeling a lot of overwhelm. We dropped scouting for younger ds and chose other outside activities that were much less demanding, such as chamber orchestra and art. I don’t regret it one bit. I knew my personal limitations, and Dh wasn’t as involved in scouting as I would have liked. More involvement on his part may or may not have made a difference, but he worked too hard and long to be involved more. 
 

I realize this isn’t the experience of many families who seem to pull it all off effortlessly, but it was ours. We pulled ds out of school so we could all get off the hamster wheel. Scouting is very intense/demanding as is high school band. So our goal was a more manageable and peaceful day,  a better education, and to escape crazy public school administrators and teacher bullies. So we made the right choice for US. 
 

Older ds eventually dropped scouting because he had to make a choice between an Eagle project or go to Governor’s School. Deadlines were approaching, and he made the choice to go to Governor’s School over scouting. It was a hard choice, but it was his choice. He doesn’t regret it. Not being an Eagle Scout has never closed any doors for him. 
 

There is value in scouting, no doubt. But it’s okay to make a different choice. 

 

 

Edited March 25, 2022 by Indigo Blue
Meant to say Eagle Scout, not badge.

[wathe]

Either restructure the den's leadership, or quit.  I would quit.  

Is this your first year?

The group will either find new leaders, or fold.  You are replaceable to everyone but your own family (family must come first!).  It sounds to me like you aren't getting good support or mentoring.  Groups that don't support their volunteers generally aren't good groups.  Find a better group.

You should not be paying for supplies out-of-pocket.  You should not be doing this all by yourself.  You should be getting mentoring.

I had a not-so-good year the first year I led a cub pack.  I did not get the promised support.  I left and joined a much better group.   The first group has since folded (not surprising).

It's also appalling to me that you are paying fees/dues as a volunteer.  Scouts Canada does not charge fees for volunteers.  I am giving  my time and talent.  Leading a scout group is a lot of work, which I gladly do for free. To be expected to pay to do that seems ridiculous.  Volunteers do pay their own way for camps and trips - the cost of lodging and travel.  Though the group often subsidizes it.

The cost for youth is $230 per year to national.  Of that, $15 goes to the group (no, that's not a typo, fifteen).  Groups often charge up to $40 more per year on top of that, plus weekly dues of $1-$2 per week.  There is a generous national fee subsidy program for those with financial need.

[Ting Tang]

15 hours ago, Janeway said:

Crazy problem, but...daughter wanted to join scouts to be with her friends. I do not think she enjoys scouts, but she does enjoy her friends. She goes to be with her friends. If her friends are ever not there, she won't stay. She is clearly not that in to it, it is just her social time. Which I guess is fine. 

Since she is there, we took the other two younger children. One is in a BSA troop so he goes at a different time from us. He loves it and is totally invested in it. He never cares who will be there, he just loves going and working forward in things. The youngest one is in a lower grader. And he was the first to join so I ended up his den leader. Here is where my problem comes in. I spend more time and money on his scouts than I am comfortable with. And while he enjoys going, he doesn't really care at this point. I have been making sacrifices to our home school so that I can spend time and money planning and prepping for everything with the scout group.  Everyone pays dues but I pay, out of my own pocket, for the supplies for meetings. I am stressed from all the work. And I am floored that when someone is a volunteer, we have to pay to be there too. So for example, I have to pay dues to be a den leader as well as pay for my child to be there. BUT, the other families in the group only have to pay for their kids to be there. They want volunteers for summer camp, but turns out, volunteers have to pay to be at camp too. So, I could just pay for my child and leave, or I could pay extra to stay and volunteer.  But an even bigger issue is that it is affecting our homeschool a lot. So much has gone by the wayside at home so that I can work and plan for and pay for stuff for the scout den. 

So everyone is relying on me to continue as den leader. AND, my daughter, who struggles A LOT socially loves her friends there. She does not like scouts itself, but likes her friends. She will only have until February next year for doing this and then will level up to a BSA troop. I feel like once she does this, I can/should exit the scene. I would love to leave sooner, but it seems awkward to bring her on those nights to the same meeting I was supposed to be a den leader and then just not bring my son and not be a leader anymore. But I actually dread doing this.

 

Edited to add: this is a situation that has caused me a lot of distress. I cannot stand spending all my money, time, and energy, trying to plan things for other people. We skip history and science a lot at home for the most part as a result and the house is in disarray. I ended up being the leader of 2 dens, not just one, so I have to purchase and pay for all the supplies for two groups of kids. That is after planning for this large group. I have had no help at all and have done everything from ground up, alone. I had never been in scouts before (other than when I was young myself) and walked in to this cold. I had to rely in searching the internet for information on how to run a meeting and things to do and requirements and everything. (only to find out in February, there was a den leaders guide that no one bothered to give me. And no one at all stepped up to help me or tell me how things were done).

I think you should step down. And I think a child needs to be vested in the activity itself for you to spend money— even if you’re just a parent and not a volunteer/leader. Socialization for homeschoolers is important, but our time is precious, too. Many assume we have lots of free time—- wrong.  Do not feel bad.  I definitely calculate my commitments because I’d be miserable if I took on any more. We drive 180 miles in Wednesdays for one of my kid’s activities round trip. It’s not for socialization, lol. And we’d stop if she resisted working on it the rest of the week. 

[lauraw4321]

It’s ok to stop things. Really. Email the other leaders and say you just can’t do it after X date. No other explanation needed. 

[Shoeless]

I would quit. As soon as I read it was impacting your homeschool AND you are paying for the privilege of being stressed at something you don't like, I thought "Quit".  You could go to the leadership above you and ask for help, but I suspect you'll just get a pep talk about how great you're doing and no actual help. 

It seems fair to wait until the end of whatever this "session" is. Don't leave them in a bind if there is only 1 or 2 months to go.