Question about driving long distances for activities

[teachermom2834]

I’ve been driving a lot for many years but I don’t have “rules” about things. But I know a lot of people here are way more organized and structured about things. 
 

Say you have a 30 minute commute to a kid’s activity. How long does activity have to be before you’ll go home and make a return trip to retrieve the kid? For me a 30 minute commute usually means I just stay out. I have a higher tolerance for waiting than driving I guess (plus the cost of the extra drive). 
 

I have a Y membership and often walk on the treadmill during the activity so that feels like a good use of time. But I’m not a big shopper and don’t enjoy browsing and seldom have errands to run. So my time while kid is at activity is generally spent at the Y or just sitting in the car waiting (reading, catching up on emails, texts, phone calls).

My dd had about four hours of her activity today and tomorrow and dh and I have split one of us driving each way. It seems wasteful and an awful lot of driving. But four hours is a long time to just spend out waiting too. 
 

I’m trying to find my sweet spot I guess as to how long is so long it makes it worth it to go home even with the 30 minute drive. Just wondering what other people do. I do have the benefit of a lot of margin right now in that I can do it either way. I don’t have other kids at home that need me or a job I need to tend to. I technically can afford the gas as I drive a very economical car but I don’t feel good about the waste of money or resources. But I can choose to do the extra driving if I want. 

Just wondering what all you smart people have concluded about this issue as I try to figure out how I feel about it🙂
 

 

[prairiewindmomma]

When we lived rural, the activity had to be at least twice as long as the full commute. So, tomorrow’s activity is four hours long, but each trip to/from town takes an hour (30 in/30 back to drop off, same to pick up) so you are right at the break even point with two hours spent in the car…

[katilac]

I would wait until I got sick of waiting, and then I would change to driving home. 

Then I'd get sick of driving, and I'd change back to waiting. 

Then I'd get sick of both, so dh and I would both go and have either a coffee date or a real date (depending on length of time). 

Lather, rinse, repeat. 

 

[freesia]

Economical car here. Dd has a friend a half hour away. I do the drive and return home as long as I get at least an hour and a half at home. Usually the mom and I trade off—one of us does all the driving one week, the other the next week. 
 

if an activity is only an hour I would stay. Four hours, I’d go home definitely. 

[itsheresomewhere]

I usually stay unless the activities are close ( rare).  DD has 4H several times a month and it is 30 minutes at least each way.  So I stay even for the two hour meetings. 

[teachermom2834]

14 minutes ago, katilac said:

I would wait until I got sick of waiting, and then I would change to driving home. 

Then I'd get sick of driving, and I'd change back to waiting. 

Then I'd get sick of both, so dh and I would both go and have either a coffee date or a real date (depending on length of time). 

Lather, rinse, repeat. 

 

Yeah sometimes dh comes and we have a treadmill/quick dinner date. 
 

I think mixing up what I do probably does help. Because it’s an everyday for the foreseeable future kind of thing. And I don’t really have any issues other than just I get bored with all of it. (Well sometimes I spend my waiting time looking online for houses closer to where we are always driving but that’s a bigger issue…)

[mommyoffive]

I don't really have an option.  My kids have been in an activity 6 to 7 days a week that is an hour plus away one way.  Even when they had 8 hour days or longer we just stayed.  Multiple kids had different classes or rehearsals.  4 plus hours of driving just never seemed worth it. 

For a 30 min thing I would make the choice on how often it is.  If it was everyday a four hour thing I think sometimes I would go home if dh would go pick up.  I would rather wait than double my drive.  

Can you tell I hate driving? 

[fairfarmhand]

Roughly 20-30 min for most activities here. It has to be at least 2 hours of activity for me to go home. Often I find a library or I walk in various neighborhoods if I don’t have errands or things I need to take care of.

[Tap]

It depends on how often it is. Twice a week or so, I would just stay there. 

Ds used to swim 5 days a week in a town about 35-45 minutes away. Another family spilt the driving with us most days, but when I had to drive both ways. I didn't mind hanging out for his 3 hour practice. It was in a different part of town, so I would go to different stores and wander. Or go read, or do paper work, etc.  If it was everyday... indefinitely, I would have had to figure something else out. The getting-out-the-door-time, plus driving and practice all together made the commitment about 5 hours every day. 

[Bootsie]

It would really depend upon how often it is and what other activities I had to do.  I can usually find something productive to have with me, even for a long wait.  I would not drive back home to do something I could do with me (read a book, write a letter, make a phone call, grade papers).  I have driven back if I needed to take a nap, needed to do a cooking project, had a gardening project that must be done during daylight hours, etc.)

[thewellerman]

I usually wait, but I have lots of kids I have to bring and who wait with me.  Sometimes, I download a movie on my kindle for them, sometimes we work on schoolwork, or they read.  Sometimes we go to a park if it is close. Some activites involve multiple kids, but at different times.  The overall time we are gone is long, but since I have to switch participants hourly, I can't leave.  I prefer just to plan to be out, instead of trying to come home and get some school done, and then have to get everyone ready again.  Pack once, and be done with it.

For a really long day, I will drop off, and usually my husband can pick up.  For example, one kid had an event 2.5 hours away.  Drop off 7am and pick up at 11pm.  My husband was able to go after work and finished working in his truck while he waited.  If he couldn't go get her that day, I would have still had to come home to let the puppy out.  The kids also have an activity 5 minutes from his office.  Sometimes he can come home from work and get them, but often I take them, and he brings them home since he is there anyway.  

If I just had one older kid, I have no idea what I would do.  There are so many things I want to learn.  I would probably just study, or go for walks. 

Edited March 20, 2022 by thewellerman

[Arcadia]

I don’t drive and my kids are a year apart. For pre-pandemic weekdays, my husband would drop us off in the morning before going to work. When kids are in class, I would walk to the neighboring supermarkets if I need to get groceries, else I go to the library and read. When my kids’ classes end, we have lunch and then go to the library or community college cafeteria to do school work. My husband would message me when he can leave office to pick us up to ask where we are.

For weekends, my husband and I would just take a long walk around the area after dropping off our kids. Sometimes we would have errands to run. If an activity/class is longer than 3hrs, we would be typically at the library unless we have errands to run.

 

[SKL]

Basically if I could do some substantive work between getting home & leaving again for pickup, then I'd do that.

I did come up with various ways to make use of the time.  My favorite was to find a nearby park or walking path or even just walk the neighborhood near the activity.  If I had too much work for that, I would look for a nearby library or Panera or similar.  Or I'd just sit and work on site if there were no better options.  Sometimes another mom would be sitting there wondering what to do, and we'd have a nice chat.  Such was the majority of my social life at times.  😛

[Carrie12345]

For me, it was mostly staying, but it really depended on the specific area, the overall set up, and my priorities for the day. Sometimes it also depended on the moods my youngest two were in!

I used a lot of that time for homeschool planning/research since, at our most active, I was teaching 4 grade levels. I had a whole bag set up for that purpose.
Or I’d read (general), work on budget stuff, or do the bulk of my internet scrolling for the day. If I was in a parking lot for a 60 minute class, I often cleaned up my car or purse.

If I had the youngers and they weren’t in the activity, we’d take walks, get a special snack, run some errands, or I’d set them up with video games or movies. Or school work if the setting worked for that.

If I could make it home with enough time to actually accomplish something instead of worrying about having to leave mid-task, I did sometimes do that, but it was usually more productive for me to have “on the go” tasks scheduled for those times.

[HomeAgain]

Ds's activities are all 30min+ away.  While he has a phone now, I will continue to stay in the general area unless it's a half day event or longer.  I have no problem taking my tablet and getting some work done while I'm waiting.  If need be, the libraries are almost always open during his activities (except the late night ones) but most of the time I can hang out at the school or gym he's at, but in a separate room.

[wendyroo]

I get very little time to myself, so I am loath to waste any of it driving unnecessarily.

Tuesday is Spanish lessons.
20 minute drive, 2 hour lesson. Two youngest kids are in class - oldest and I hang out and work there.

Wednesday is elective classes. 
40 minute drive, 3 hour lessons. All kids are in class - I sit at a nearby fast food place and work.

Thursday is nature class. 
25 minute drive, 2 or 4 hour lessons. All kids are in class - I sit at a nearby fast food place and work.

Next year we will probably take a "full" day of elective classes which will run from 11:15 to 4:15 and include lunch and recess breaks. I still doubt I will ever drive home - it is just too far to make it worth while. There are plenty of restaurants, coffee shops, libraries, thrift stores, etc I can hang out in during that time.

[catz]

Oh well we have had commutes of about 30 minutes in ok traffic (sometimes more) to a theater program my kids have done on and off.  Prior to Covid I would maybe consider going home if it was going to be 3+ hours in low traffic or 4+ in high traffic.  Though my threshold is lower for Covid times.  In the old days I would walk or bike trails on that side of town, run errands, and maybe set up my laptop in a coffee and try and get some things done.   I have not done the coffee shop scene since Covid started.   My daughter was there in the fall for 3 months and I did a TON of walking and sitting in my car.  I knew where all the free WiFi in town was.  😂

[Bambam]

I used to always just wait in the area - finding other things to do - walking, reading a book, writing cards, doing errands in that area, going to the library, whatever. I usually had the younger one with me, and we stayed happy and busy just doing things like that. Even when I just had one, usually I would wait. Now, if the event was going to be several hours, I might have gone home - at one point, most activities were 20-35 minutes away - if I were sick of being around people. 

Then we moved and activities were about 10-15 minutes away. Woo hoo! Depending upon time of day and what I had on my schedule, I'd drop off or just wait there. Once when I was parked in the college parking lot (mostly empty as it was for their performance center) and was happily reading waiting on a DC student, a campus cop drove up to check on me to make sure I was okay. They said sometimes students came over there in their cars when they were sad, so they kept an eye on that spot. (Very small school). 

[Tenaj]

We drive 30 minutes for sports activities.  Usually practices last around 2 or 2.5 hours.  I stay there and wait.  Usually I run errands but often I use the time to do lesson planning, cross-stitch, watch Netflix or read.  Fortunately, I can park in a certain spot and get the wifi from the school.  Last year we had a situation for a while where there were consecutive practices each two hours.  That made for long evenings for both myself and the child that had to wait on their activities.  It was temporary but made me think through how this is going to work in the future.  When the practices are four or more hours, I will probably drop them off, return home and then my dh will pick them up after work . . . it will cost twice as much in gas but as long as I don't have to make both round trips it will work.  Of course, the price of gas will probably change those plans.  I'm thankful that I don't mind sitting - it drives my dh crazy so if waiting is to be done, it will be me doing it.  If the weather is nice it doesn't bother me so much because I can get my steps in outside but most of my waiting time is in the evening in the winter so that doesn't often work.

 

[rebcoola]

When it was 2 hrs I stayed in the area.  3hrs was kind of a mix I would go home if DH could pick them up after work he wasn't closer but already driving at the same time.  When it became 4 hrs I always went home.  Of course this was before gas went through the roof.

[wintermom]

I'm like you, and prefer not to waste time, gas or shop during my dc's activities. I'll walk in the area, or find nice walking places nearby. I've made friends with other parents in dc's activities, and we'll walk together. I also try to prioritize activities closer to home when possible. Carpooling with another family is sometimes an option as well.

For several dc's activities, dh and/or I have been involved in organizing, participating ourselves and/or coaching the activity. This is a good way to make the driving more purposeful.

Dh and I also reduce dc's activities if the time and driving commitment is too much. We don't tend to sacrifice "everything" for the dc. We have lives, too, and we like to have opportunities to participate in our own activities.

Edited March 20, 2022 by wintermom

[MagistraKennedy]

Our commute is about 30 min to any activity, so we tend to stay, and bundle activities/errands as much as humanly possible. I ALWAYS have a book to read, emails to catch up on, etc. If the weather is nice, I walk. I was able to get ALL my steps in on Friday, while my daughter was in a 90 min Logic class. WIN!

My issue is that if I'm the one shuttling the kids, nothing gets done at home. (laundry, chores, homework, etc) On the flip side, I LOVE the conversations I'm able to have with my teenagers if I'm driving them somewhere. Life as a mom of a big family means I grab one on one time when I can get it. 

Edited March 20, 2022 by MagistraKennedy

[Pam in CT]

Sooooo glad I finally aged out of that Exceedingly Irritating stage of life.  Just about everything was 30+ minutes

At 30 minutes' distance I organized one of three things:

1. Found an errand (including hunting & gathering in prep for easy-dinner) in the vicinity of the activity, dropped off kid & did errand in vicinity
2. Found a park/walking trail or cafe or library in the vicinity, dropped off kid & went to restorative spot in vicinity
3. Brought a book, dropped off kid and read.

The constant driving was for me easily the most tiresome aspect of parenting.

[Lady Marmalade]

I sometimes miss those days of sitting at the dance studio for hours simply reading a book. We lived 30 minutes away for years, and I would stay every time until DD was old enough to get a cellphone.  I would frequently use that time to run errands if I needed to, but mostly I sat and read. I did SO much reading during those years!  If it was an all day thing we would pack meals to take with to reduce expenses while out, but I would still stay all day. 

Once DD was old enough to have a phone with her, I started dropping off and going home if I had three hours or so of time at home inbetween.  After the first few times, that became much easier.  And then we moved much closer so I stopped staying altogether because we were only ten minutes away.