Losing weight in my 50's

[Night Elf]

I am so discouraged. I lost 45 lbs. 10 years ago. It took 11 months but I maintained it for 8 years until I was diagnosed with an eating disorder. So they wanted me to gain weight, and I did. Two years later, within the past 6 months, I've gained even more. I gained over 20 lbs. in a 2 month period because of binge eating disorder. So now I need to lose 30 lbs. I joined Weight Watchers since that was successful before. Nope! After 5 weeks of being on program, I have a 1 lb. gain. Now it's true I did binge once a week for the first 3 weeks so I can understand not losing. But what about the last two weeks? Thursday is my official weigh-in day and I have not binged this week at all and yet my weight is staying the same. I'm eating less than 1400 calories when the calculators are telling me I will lose if I eat less than 1750 calories. So why am I not losing? I'm in perimenopause. I haven't had a cycle since Dec. 1st of last year. I have had very mild hot flashes. I get warm but I don't flush or sweat. I have chronic insomnia that has gotten worse over the last year. I usually sleep 3 hours or less per night. If I'm lucky I can sleep for a while in the mornings so my average is probably more like 4 hours a day. 

I told DH if I don't show a loss this Thursday, I'm quitting WW. I'm also in Overeaters Anonymous because of my binge eating disorder. I only started meetings and reading literature 2 weeks ago. They say if I stick to a meal plan and stop binging, I'll lose weight naturally. That's not true for me. Before I developed BED, I was maintaining a weight for months and was eating 1300 calories. I never lost a pound!  

Am I spinning my wheels? Is there no way to lose weight when one is in perimenopause? I do not want to drop a whole category of foods, i.e. carbs. I am eating less than 150 grams per day right now. I do not want to go down further. For me, depriving myself only sets up cravings and goodness knows I can't handle anymore cravings right now.

I'm at a loss.

[smfmommy]

I would suggest blood work.  It can be very difficult to lose weight if you have thyroid/adrenal gland issues.  If you can't lose weight on a reasonable diet then there may be underlying issues.

 

I have thyroid problems and can't seem to lose weight (except for when I had Covid and simply wasn't eating much at all).  So I feel your pain!  Hopefully wiser people than I will share their wisdom.

 

[Kassia]

6 minutes ago, smfmommy said:

I would suggest blood work.  It can be very difficult to lose weight if you have thyroid/adrenal gland issues.  If you can't lose weight on a reasonable diet then there may be underlying issues.

 

I have thyroid problems and can't seem to lose weight (except for when I had Covid and simply wasn't eating much at all).  So I feel your pain!  Hopefully wiser people than I will share their wisdom.

 

This is really good advice to get things checked medically before you start altering your calories/diet.  

[fairfarmhand]

Also, not sleeping is also very bad for weight loss. I don't have a solution to that. But I do think that a medical visit might help with something. 

[Annie G]

It’s a good idea to get blood work checked, but I’ll also say that after menopause I MUST stay active in order to lose weight. Walking is a good way to start if you’re generally not moving much throughout the day. 

[TechWife]

I suggest you work closely with a medical provider experienced with eating disorders. They would probably have the best information on helping you maintain healthy eating patterns while getting to a healthy weight. Because of your history the forum isn’t likely to have the best advice for you. 

[elegantlion]

I don't have any real suggestions on how to lose weight, I just know that after 50, it's a different game. I had a hysterectomy in 2020 and I've actually lost some weight since then. I've shifted my focus to health not weight. I also had a bout of diverticulitis in January (ugh!), so I've focused on adding fiber intake since then. That focus has allowed me to work on gut health and I've lost a few more pounds (let's just say my body is processing food much better). 

Another shift that has helped is me focusing on staying limber. My job is very sendentary, so I stretch every day even if I can't walk ( my normal exercise). I find that some of my aging pains were from muscle tightness. I've tried to add some resistance work in as well - like handweights that I keep by my desk. I feel lighter when I have better posture and greater flexibility.

Also agree with checking thryoid. 

Edited March 8, 2022 by elegantlion

[Night Elf]

11 minutes ago, smfmommy said:

I would suggest blood work.  It can be very difficult to lose weight if you have thyroid/adrenal gland issues.  If you can't lose weight on a reasonable diet then there may be underlying issues.

 

I have thyroid problems and can't seem to lose weight (except for when I had Covid and simply wasn't eating much at all).  So I feel your pain!  Hopefully wiser people than I will share their wisdom.

 

Okay, I scheduled an appointment with my doctor for this week to discuss it. I'm fairly certain she checked something about my thyroid with all my other lab work done last month, but I am not sure it's what I need. She'll tell me to either go to the nutritionist, which I wasn't impressed with my last visit two years ago or to to my GYN because it might be hormonal. She's not very helpful but she's a good enough to start this exploration.

[Night Elf]

3 minutes ago, TechWife said:

I suggest you work closely with a medical provider experienced with eating disorders. They would probably have the best information on helping you maintain healthy eating patterns while getting to a healthy weight. Because of your history the forum isn’t likely to have the best advice for you. 

No one that I've seen at Kaiser has experience with eating disorders. When I was in the ED treatment program at a clinic, I saw a nurse practitioner but she limited my exercise and told me to follow the meal plan my dietitian gave me, which, as much as I love my dietitian, she was stuck on me gaining weight when I was already at a normal weight. However, out of desperation, I did text her to ask her advice and if she can help me. She didn't get back to me. I texted her again just now. When I saw her mid-year in 2021, she was always so busy. Not only did she have a private practice but she was a dietitian for the ED clinic I went to. 

I pay out of pocket for anyone outside the Kaiser network and dietitians can be expensive. She charged $65 for a 45 minute session. I thought that was reasonable but now that I'm no longer working, I don't think we can swing that and my weekly therapy as well. However, I'm willing to try because I don't know what else to do.

My therapist has been doubling as my dietitian since I stopped seeing mine, and her advice was more restrictive than my dietitian's plan. My therapist wants me to lose weight as I'm very near a weight that sent me into an eating disorder last time I reached it. She worries I'm headed that way. To be honest, I am! If I can't start losing weight on a 1300 calorie diet, I might go back to my super low calorie diet. DH says it will throw me into starvation mode and I won't lose but I lost a good deal of weight with it. However, I'm now 54 years old and missing periods. I'm scared my body is just refusing to release this added weight. 

[Night Elf]

I just tried to get an appointment with a Kaiser dietitian. First available appointment is mid-May. I checked telephone, video and in-person visits. That's the earliest I can get in.

[Arcadia]

Are you on any medication that has a side effect of weight gain? My once a week osteoporosis medication cause my weight gain though that is an uncommon side effect. 

[Soror]

38 minutes ago, TechWife said:

I suggest you work closely with a medical provider experienced with eating disorders. They would probably have the best information on helping you maintain healthy eating patterns while getting to a healthy weight. Because of your history the forum isn’t likely to have the best advice for you. 

I agree with this. I hope you find some help, I know that is way harder than it should be too often. 

Lots of things can make it difficult to lose weight as we age. The hormonal changes of menopause, thyroid issues. I would be surprised if years of eating disorders hasn't done a number on your metabolism as well. But I'd want to work closely with someone with experience losing weight without triggering a relapse of ED's. 

[mellifera33]

Not a doctor or an expert of any kind, but could you work with your therapist on maintaining healthy habits and accepting that your body will do what it does? What would it mean to let go of that kind of strict control?

[Night Elf]

15 minutes ago, mellifera33 said:

Not a doctor or an expert of any kind, but could you work with your therapist on maintaining healthy habits and accepting that your body will do what it does? What would it mean to let go of that kind of strict control?

Yes, we've been working on that. Before I gained 25 lbs. in two months, we were working on body acceptance. I didn't make much headway. I'm terrified of being too much. I really can't pinpoint the exact fear, I just know that being in the obese category would push me right back into anorexia out of desperation. I'm in the mid-range for my overweight range right now, but at the rate I was gaining, we foresaw my hitting a high BMI in a short time. My weight loss finally stopped when I quit binging so much. I eat compulsively though, and that prevents me from losing. However, in the past 5 weeks, although I binged the first 3 weeks of WW, I was in an overall weekly average of an acceptable calorie range so I don't understand why I didn't lose, even if it was only half a pound a week. I'll take slow weight loss but I need to see the scale going down. Instead I've gained and lost the same 3 lbs. and then last week gained an additional pound. I was extremely disappointed and discouraged. DH tries to explain daily fluctuation to me, but after 5 weeks I'm not showing a loss? 

[prairiewindmomma]

Binge eating is still disordered eating. The problem is the disordered eating---the reflection of that is what is happening to your body as a consequence.  Focusing on the consequence (weight gain) and trying to solve the consequence (weight gain) is only going to work long term if you focus on the real problem, which is the disordered eating.

I would contact the eating disorder clinic again and work on getting appropriate help for your issue.  Your therapist isn't qualified to treat your ED and many of the meds that work for bingeing with ADHD, like Vyvanse, can trigger another mania episode.  Heading to weight watchers isn't a great idea.  Calorie restriction doesn't solve the disordered eating.

Hugs!

[KSera]

1 hour ago, TechWife said:

I suggest you work closely with a medical provider experienced with eating disorders. They would probably have the best information on helping you maintain healthy eating patterns while getting to a healthy weight. Because of your history the forum isn’t likely to have the best advice for you. 

I agree so much with this. Giving standard weight loss type advice to someone with an eating disorder history is very risky. 

1 hour ago, Night Elf said:

My therapist has been doubling as my dietitian since I stopped seeing mine, and her advice was more restrictive than my dietitian's plan. My therapist wants me to lose weight as I'm very near a weight that sent me into an eating disorder last time I reached it. She worries I'm headed that way. To be honest, I am! If I can't start losing weight on a 1300 calorie diet, I might go back to my super low calorie diet. DH says it will throw me into starvation mode and I won't lose but I lost a good deal of weight with it. However, I'm now 54 years old and missing periods. I'm scared my body is just refusing to release this added weight. 

In line with the above, having your therapist double as your dietitian does not seem like a good idea unless she is specifically trained in ED (both anorexia and binge eating). It is odd advice in my experience for an eating disorder therapist to suggest weight loss as a solution to preventing a relapse of anorexia. Losing weight is often the trigger for anorexia, on a metabolic level. 

[prairiewindmomma]

One correlation I think I'm seeing in your posts is that you have a spike in your disordered eating when you fall into a hypomania cycle.  You might ask your husband if he is seeing that also, and if he sees that you might bring it up with your therapist. Perhaps tighter control of your bipolar disorder might ease some of the stress you feel with disordered eating. There is a very known correlation there, between the issues of bipolar + disordered eating, and I've seen the cycle reflected in the lives of people in my circle.

Again, hugs!

 

[Catwoman]

Beth, I'm not sure how to ask this gently, but I'll give it my best shot.

Are you sure you're not going through a manic phase right now? Your recent posts have seemed like you are getting exceptionally upset over what most of us would consider to be small things, and I'm worried about you. You were in a panic when you thought you had lost your WTM book; you were going through a phase of buying an excessive amount of curriculum in a very short time; you were very upset about the issue with PayPal and the post office, and now you are hyper-focusing on your weight again. 

I hope you can find the help you need to work through all of this. I agree with others who have said you need a specialist to deal with your eating disorder, and I'm also wondering if you might need a different psychiatrist (and possibly new medications) to help you with your other issues.

I'm praying for you.

[Catwoman]

2 minutes ago, prairiewindmomma said:

One correlation I think I'm seeing in your posts is that you have a spike in your disordered eating when you fall into a hypomania cycle.  You might ask your husband if he is seeing that also, and if he sees that you might bring it up with your therapist. Perhaps tighter control of your bipolar disorder might ease some of the stress you feel with disordered eating. There is a very known correlation there, between the issues of bipolar + disordered eating, and I've seen the cycle reflected in the lives of people in my circle.

Again, hugs!

 

We were posting at the same time! I was thinking the same thing.

[Night Elf]

8 minutes ago, prairiewindmomma said:

Binge eating is still disordered eating. The problem is the disordered eating---the reflection of that is what is happening to your body as a consequence.  Focusing on the consequence (weight gain) and trying to solve the consequence (weight gain) is only going to work long term if you focus on the real problem, which is the disordered eating.

I would contact the eating disorder clinic again and work on getting appropriate help for your issue.  Your therapist isn't qualified to treat your ED and many of the meds that work for bingeing with ADHD, like Vyvanse, can trigger another mania episode.  Heading to weight watchers isn't a great idea.  Calorie restriction doesn't solve the disordered eating.

Hugs!

Actually my therapist is quite educated in eating disorders. She was program director of the eating disorder clinic where I was receiving treatment. I became her client after she left the clinic to pursue a private practice and I had transitioned out of the program. My dietitian is also from the same clinic, so the two of them worked together to help me continue recovery after program. 

[Night Elf]

4 minutes ago, prairiewindmomma said:

One correlation I think I'm seeing in your posts is that you have a spike in your disordered eating when you fall into a hypomania cycle.  You might ask your husband if he is seeing that also, and if he sees that you might bring it up with your therapist. Perhaps tighter control of your bipolar disorder might ease some of the stress you feel with disordered eating. There is a very known correlation there, between the issues of bipolar + disordered eating, and I've seen the cycle reflected in the lives of people in my circle.

Again, hugs!

 

I covered that already. He has seen little difference in my behaviors and thoughts since my psych doc altered my meds. Because of this board, I did pursue the possibility that my buying too much curriculum was a sign of hypomania. My psych doc said it was possible but when she questioned me further, she decided I wasn't having a full blown episode. She prescribed me another mood stabilizer and wanted to take me off one that has been working. What she prescribed, however, is too expensive. So we agreed I'd go the next month without adding in the additional medication and see what happens. 

But fwiw, my bipolar wasn't an issue when I was deep into my eating disorder. I don't see a correlation there. 

[prairiewindmomma]

3 minutes ago, Night Elf said:

Actually my therapist is quite educated in eating disorders. She was program director of the eating disorder clinic where I was receiving treatment. I became her client after she left the clinic to pursue a private practice and I had transitioned out of the program. My dietitian is also from the same clinic, so the two of them worked together to help me continue recovery after program. 

Sorry, I misread when you said your care team at Kaiser wasn't experienced with EDs and that your therapist isn't a nutritionist.  With this new information I can see you have found appropriate care. Hugs and best wishes!

[prairiewindmomma]

According to this study, about 1:3 people who have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder meet the criteria for both bipolar disorder and eating disorders... https://jeatdisord.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s40337-019-0262-2

There's a lot of research literature out there on the comorbidity of the conditions, and I raised the issue if you weren't aware of it. 

Again, best wishes.

[Night Elf]

5 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

Beth, I'm not sure how to ask this gently, but I'll give it my best shot.

Are you sure you're not going through a manic phase right now? Your recent posts have seemed like you are getting exceptionally upset over what most of us would consider to be small things, and I'm worried about you. You were in a panic when you thought you had lost your WTM book; you were going through a phase of buying an excessive amount of curriculum in a very short time; you were very upset about the issue with PayPal and the post office, and now you are hyper-focusing on your weight again. 

I hope you can find the help you need to work through all of this. I agree with others who have said you need a specialist to deal with your eating disorder, and I'm also wondering if you might need a different psychiatrist (and possibly new medications) to help you with your other issues.

I'm praying for you.

My psych doctor does not believe I'm going through a hypomanic phase right now. She said my buying curriculum could be considered part of a breakthrough, but I stopped with no problem. 

The reason I am freaking out about paypal is because they are holding $70 of my money to give to this person who doesn't want to wait for media mail to arrive. I'm sorry, but in my book that is a lot of money, especially now that I'm no longer working. I can't afford to lose money like that. That's half a week's groceries. Our budget isn't generally too tight but we've had some expenses come up in the past few months that has us being cautious. That is why DH didn't like me buying too much curriculum. I am using everything I purchased, so nothing is going to waste. I was trying to sell my Rod & Staff curriculum but no one was interested so I started using it again.

I've always been focused on my weight. That has never stopped. Gaining 25 lbs. in 2 months is not normal. I think that is cause for alarm. The orthopedic doctor I saw recently was flabbergasted. He said my leg problems wouldn't heal until I lost weight. I told him I wish it was that easy.

[Carol in Cal.]

My cousin is a Kaiser doctor here in CA who works with people (mostly teens) with eating disorders.  She in the past has highly recommended a book called "Life Without Ed".

[Night Elf]

1 hour ago, Carol in Cal. said:

My cousin is a Kaiser doctor here in CA who works with people (mostly teens) with eating disorders.  She in the past has highly recommended a book called "Life Without Ed".

Thanks. I have it and the album that the author, Jenni Schaefer, put out. There is even a song called Life Without Ed. 🙂

[Catwoman]

1 hour ago, Night Elf said:

My psych doctor does not believe I'm going through a hypomanic phase right now. She said my buying curriculum could be considered part of a breakthrough, but I stopped with no problem. 

The reason I am freaking out about paypal is because they are holding $70 of my money to give to this person who doesn't want to wait for media mail to arrive. I'm sorry, but in my book that is a lot of money, especially now that I'm no longer working. I can't afford to lose money like that. That's half a week's groceries. Our budget isn't generally too tight but we've had some expenses come up in the past few months that has us being cautious. That is why DH didn't like me buying too much curriculum. I am using everything I purchased, so nothing is going to waste. I was trying to sell my Rod & Staff curriculum but no one was interested so I started using it again.

I've always been focused on my weight. That has never stopped. Gaining 25 lbs. in 2 months is not normal. I think that is cause for alarm. The orthopedic doctor I saw recently was flabbergasted. He said my leg problems wouldn't heal until I lost weight. I told him I wish it was that easy.

You don't need to get defensive -- I apologize if I offended you, but I was making an observation that your current behavior is out of character for you, and I was concerned that you might not realize that. You seem manic to me. Maybe you aren't that way in real life, but your posts have an almost desperate quality to them, if that makes any sense at all. I'm worried about you. 

And really, I want to keep assuring you that you shouldn't be "freaking out" about the PayPal thing, because right now, there is truly no reason for this level of concern. Your package is not lost; the PayPal deadline is still 9 days away, and after that, PayPal may very well delay refunding your buyer if you can demonstrate that your package is still moving through the postal system. And even though $70 is a lot of money to potentially lose and it's terrible to feel like someone is scamming you, it's not going to have a long-term monumental effect on your life, so please try to put it into perspective so it doesn't make you so miserable. Have you talked it over with your dh? I'm sure he won't want you to worry like this about it! 

[Night Elf]

4 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

Have you talked it over with your dh? I'm sure he won't want you to worry like this about it! 

Actually he got quite ticked off at me that I didn't get confirmation of delivery and insurance. Yes, it was a mistake on my part, but I can't undo it. This morning he said if we lose the $70, it will be okay but if I sell anything else I have to get both confirmation of delivery and insurance. I'm afraid that will price me out of the market. If I sell something for less than $10 because that is what everyone else is charging, I have to pay for a lot of stuff to mail it. I'll hardly make anything on it to put towards something new. I'd rather donate it to the thrift store than deal with the post office again. 

[Night Elf]

8 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

You don't need to get defensive -- I apologize if I offended you, but I was making an observation that your current behavior is out of character for you, and I was concerned that you might not realize that. You seem manic to me. Maybe you aren't that way in real life, but your posts have an almost desperate quality to them, if that makes any sense at all. I'm worried about you. 

Oh, and I appreciate that. Thank you. I am not offended, just surprised that some of you are taking $70 so lightly. The skeptic in me is thinking she's a scammer and I totally fell for it so I'm feeling stupid and a little angry. 

BTW, that lady I contacted yesterday about reversing the refund for the book I received told me with everything going on in the world just keep it and to please accept her generosity. That made me feel so bad because I'm not sure I can feel that way about $70. Ugh.

[PeterPan]

5 hours ago, Night Elf said:

But fwiw, my bipolar wasn't an issue when I was deep into my eating disorder. I don't see a correlation there. 

I'm not sure there is a connection on the bipolar and eating, dunno. However the mental health overall and the eating disorder, sure. I'm not an expert on this, but you can google serotonin in the gut and histamine levels and see what you get. They're interconnected. When I got omicron covid, I began feeling this constant need to eat (which I think could be called binge eating). I had felt it before when my anxiety was high and omicron (and the vaxes for that matter) did mess with my mental health. The protocol says (among other things) to take pepcid AC because it's an h2 blocker. Drop the histamine, normalizes the serotonin and crazy food cravings. Also an SSRI that is a sigma 1 receptor agonist (vs antagonist which would make it worse).

I don't know what of that applies to you, but maybe as you research it you can find some answers. And if your mental health issues have been worse after the covid vaxes or having covid (I dn't know if you did), then you could investigate long covid protocols. I had one (really big donkey's butt) doctor make my mental health symptoms WORSE by giving me a med that made the inflammation WORSE! If you've had covid or the vaxes and your symptoms have gotten worse, that could be a path to be looking down.

I think people are trying to help, but it's really hard to look at someone online and know which thing is flaring up. (bipolar vs. anxiety vs covid inflammation vs. hormones vs...) I don't think docs are necessarily sorting it out well either. They let this stuff get political when it shouln't have been. It's not political to say covid causes inflammation and needs treatment.  

Edited March 8, 2022 by PeterPan

[Night Elf]

9 minutes ago, PeterPan said:

I'm not sure there is a connection on the bipolar and eating, dunno. However the mental health overall and the eating disorder, sure. I'm not an expert on this, but you can google serotonin in the gut and histamine levels and see what you get. They're interconnected. When I got omicron covid, I began feeling this constant need to eat (which I think could be called binge eating). I had felt it before when my anxiety was high and omicron (and the vaxes for that matter) did mess with my mental health. The protocol says (among other things) to take pepcid AC because it's an h2 blocker. Drop the histamine, normalizes the serotonin and crazy food cravings. Also an SSRI that is a sigma 1 receptor agonist (vs antagonist which would make it worse).

I don't know what of that applies to you, but maybe as you research it you can find some answers. And if your mental health issues have been worse after the covid vaxes or having covid (I dn't know if you did), then you could investigate long covid protocols. I had one (really big donkey's butt) doctor make my mental health symptoms WORSE by giving me a med that made the inflammation WORSE! If you've had covid or the vaxes and your symptoms have gotten worse, that could be a path to be looking down.

I think people are trying to help, but it's really hard to look at someone online and know which thing is flaring up. (bipolar vs. anxiety vs covid inflammation vs. hormones vs...) I don't think docs are necessarily sorting it out well either. They let this stuff get political when it shouln't have been. It's not political to say covid causes inflammation and needs treatment.  

Nope, no covid. But I did get the vaxxes and booster. No problems. When I said deep into my eating disorder, I was thinking of my atypical anorexia. I didn't have an appetite. I was eating like a bird. (Boy I miss those days.)

As for now, I really don't know if my eating increased after my vaxxes. I will research that tonight. I need to look back through my food logs and compare them to my vax dates. Thanks for the tip.

[Night Elf]

6 minutes ago, Night Elf said:

Nope, no covid. But I did get the vaxxes and booster. No problems. When I said deep into my eating disorder, I was thinking of my atypical anorexia. I didn't have an appetite. I was eating like a bird. (Boy I miss those days.)

As for now, I really don't know if my eating increased after my vaxxes. I will research that tonight. I need to look back through my food logs and compare them to my vax dates. Thanks for the tip.

Rats!! I had deleted My Fitness Pal tracker and it must have deleted all my data because I don't have any data from the time I got the vaxxes. So much for looking that up. 

I have an appointment with my former dietitian on Monday morning. She's been very helpful in the past. I remember her giving me information on perimenopause and weight gain sometime in 2021 but I guess I need to get it again.

[KSera]

3 minutes ago, Night Elf said:

Nope, no covid. But I did get the vaxxes and booster. No problems. When I said deep into my eating disorder, I was thinking of my atypical anorexia. I didn't have an appetite. I was eating like a bird. (Boy I miss those days.)

As for now, I really don't know if my eating increased after my vaxxes. I will research that tonight. I need to look back through my food logs and compare them to my vax dates. Thanks for the tip.

Given your disordered eating history far predates Covid even being a thing, I think that would send you down a grasping at straws trail that would have no impact on helping yourself get on track with conquering the ED thinking, which is the root issue. Just the fact you say in this post that you miss the days when you had the eating habits of someone with anorexia is a blinking neon sign that the ED is what needs treatment. I know Ed can be loud. I’m sorry that it’s troubling you so much right now. I’m curious, do any of your providers follow a healthy at any size model?

[Arcadia]

5 minutes ago, KSera said:

. I’m curious, do any of your providers follow a healthy at any size model?

Page 21 to 24 of 36 from Kaiser (seems to have an emphasis on weight loss) https://mydoctor.kaiserpermanente.org/ncal/Images/98139 Rev7.13 CL_tcm75-14560.pdf

[Night Elf]

11 minutes ago, KSera said:

Given your disordered eating history far predates Covid even being a thing, I think that would send you down a grasping at straws trail that would have no impact on helping yourself get on track with conquering the ED thinking, which is the root issue. Just the fact you say in this post that you miss the days when you had the eating habits of someone with anorexia is a blinking neon sign that the ED is what needs treatment. I know Ed can be loud. I’m sorry that it’s troubling you so much right now. I’m curious, do any of your providers follow a healthy at any size model?

It was mentioned in my treatment program, but only in passing like they mentioned a 12-step program, which I am now in. I've read about HAES, but I didn't pay much attention because I've been pursuing healthy and thin, not healthy at any size. So I didn't delve too deeply in it. I bet my therapist is familiar with it, but we've never discussed it. One thing I worked out with her is that I don't have to be as thin as my brain is telling me to be. I won't aim to be underweight like I was so desperately seeking. Another is I no longer personify my e.d. She cut that off quickly because I give in easily to male authority figures and my e.d. had taken on that role in my life. Also, both she and my dietitian got me eating 4 - 6 times a day. They didn't want me going more than 4 hours without eating. But do I miss my anorexic days? yes, when compared to the binges I've been living with for the last several months.  I'd much rather eat light rather than heavy. When I was anorexic I wasn't underweight, hence the diagnosis atypical anorexia. I was eating 1200 calories a day but I was completely sedentary so it worked for me. It freaked them all out though because as my dietitian told me, that is even below what health professionals think is the lowest limit which is 1400 - 1500. But I am not losing weight eating that much. I have been eating that range for months, except the two months I was binging every day and I was eating a lot more calories than that. So I'm trying to eat 1200 again to see if I'll lose weight but I'm having a very difficult time doing that. My body is used to eating a lot more so I stay hungry all day if I eat as little as 1200. That's what I miss. I hope that makes sense. It may not be right, but it makes total sense to me. Unfortunately, I have found several things that make sense to me only to have my support team say no. 🙂

[Catwoman]

3 hours ago, Night Elf said:

Oh, and I appreciate that. Thank you. I am not offended, just surprised that some of you are taking $70 so lightly. The skeptic in me is thinking she's a scammer and I totally fell for it so I'm feeling stupid and a little angry. 

BTW, that lady I contacted yesterday about reversing the refund for the book I received told me with everything going on in the world just keep it and to please accept her generosity. That made me feel so bad because I'm not sure I can feel that way about $70. Ugh.

I’m not taking the $70 lightly — I would be really angry, too — I just mean that the package may very well reach the woman and you would have spent all this time worrying for nothing. I guess what I mean is to try not to let it get to you, when there is still time for it to work out.

It was very nice of the woman to tell you to just keep the book. She is probably feeling very happy that you were so honest! 

I don’t blame you for not wanting to deal with the post office when you don’t end up with much money in the end, and even when it is quite a bit (like this $70,) it’s not worth $70 to be all upset and worried. 

Are there any homeschool book sales in your area? You could set up a table with all of your stuff and then donate whatever didn’t sell. And it might be fun, too! 

[KSera]

11 minutes ago, Night Elf said:

When I was anorexic I wasn't underweight, hence the diagnosis atypical anorexia.

My ED experience is with supporting someone through atypical anorexia. What I learned, and found very true, is that the psychological impacts of eating too few calories was the dangerous part. It wasn’t about the weight my person was at, it was what happens to the brain when calorie deprived. It took restoring normal eating for their mental health to improve. In writing this, it does make me wonder if what has been noted by others about you seeming to be struggling more i in other ways right now may be due to the calorie restriction you are currently under. Not everyone can be physically and mentally healthy while as thin as they wish they were. People’s bodies have different set points they seem to operate optimally at. But now I’m going against my own advice that you really need to be getting advised by an expert who knows your situation. I hope you can find someone who’s really good at that. 

[Night Elf]

2 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

Are there any homeschool book sales in your area? You could set up a table with all of your stuff and then donate whatever didn’t sell. And it might be fun, too! 

I never found a homeschool group where I live. They were all 30 minutes away. There was a homeschool store I frequented. It was a family store and they were so super helpful. They did consultations to help you choose the best materials for your children. They accepted donations and then sold them as used books. I have to stretch my brain and try to remember the name of the store. I could donate the books there. I also have many Christian books, some with study guides, that I'm finished with and don't want to hang onto but I don't know where to post those. 

[Night Elf]

Just now, KSera said:

My ED experience is with supporting someone through atypical anorexia. What I learned, and found very true, is that the psychological impacts of eating too few calories was the dangerous part. It wasn’t about the weight my person was at, it was what happens to the brain when calorie deprived. It took restoring normal eating for their mental health to improve. In writing this, it does make me wonder if what has been noted by others about you seeming to be struggling more i in other ways right now may be due to the calorie restriction you are currently under. Not everyone can be physically and mentally healthy while as thin as they wish they were. People’s bodies have different set points they seem to operate optimally at. But now I’m going against my own advice that you really need to be getting advised by an expert who knows your situation. I hope you can find someone who’s really good at that. 

I'm eating 1400 calories a day. That's not restricting in a bad way. That is a healthy way to lose weight according to all the research my therapist and I have done. I needed to be convinced, hence the research. I'm not allowed to go below 1300 but everyone is happier when I'm in the 1400 range. I'm not losing weight though! I lost at 1200 when I was on Weight Watchers the first time. The program is different now. I'm on it again and it's eating even less. If I stick to my daily points only I'm getting around 1000 calories, so I have to purposefully eat more to boost that up to 1400. It means I finish my weeks without any weekly points left. I'm about to end my 6th week on this program and my weight to  date has gone up by about a pound. No one can understand why I'm not losing. Um, I'm eating too much?? I can't increase my activity even if I wanted to because of my leg problems. I do 30 minutes of stretching for physical therapy exercises which earns me a point. I do a 10 minute low intensity cardio workout which earns me a point. On nice days, DH and I walk for 20 minutes which earns me a point. I can't walk longer than that without my legs really hurting. That is with wearing my knee braces and taking pain meds 30 minutes before we walk as a preventative. Doesn't work.

[Mom_to3]

I am in my late 40s, but I am close (or in) menopause. I had gained about 35 lbs over a few years, and lost 30 lbs at the beginning of covid over 6 months or so by changing how we eat. I kept dropping without trying, and had to purposefully increase intake (I was getting scared that I kept losing weight, actually!). Have remained stable since. So...the inability to lose weight may not be perimenopause. Meds?

[Night Elf]

13 minutes ago, Mom_to3 said:

I am in my late 40s, but I am close (or in) menopause. I had gained about 35 lbs over a few years, and lost 30 lbs at the beginning of covid over 6 months or so by changing how we eat. I kept dropping without trying, and had to purposefully increase intake (I was getting scared that I kept losing weight, actually!). Have remained stable since. So...the inability to lose weight may not be perimenopause. Meds?

I asked my psychiatrist, primary care physician and pharmacist about if my particular mix of drugs can cause weight gain or insomnia. None had a clear answer. When I researched them online, I didn't find a clear answer. One says it can cause weight gain or weight loss. That's not helpful. My psych doc just took me off two meds that we thought might be part of the cause of the problems but so far nothing has changed. Well, I did actually sleep 10 hours Sunday night which totally flabbergasted me and my DH. Then last night I went back to sleeping only 4 hours. 

The problem is the class of meds I'm on. We can take me off something but we need to keep me in the same class when replacing that drug and many of those in the same class are similar. It's also possible I'd be changing one set of problems for another. The only thing I do know is that drugs do not make me drowsy beyond one night. My ADHD med I just started, which isn't a stimulant, made me drowsy on the first day I took it. So instead of taking it in the morning again the next day, I took it in the evening, hoping it would help me sleep. Nope! I wasn't the least bit drowsy. I've been on more sleeping pills than I can count. Nothing works longer than a couple of days before my system acclimates to it. I continue taking them but I did read tonight that sleeping pills during the menopause years isn't a good idea. Over the past week, I missed taking my pills 3 nights and there was no change in my sleep either. Still, I might try to stop taking them and see what happens.

[itsheresomewhere]

How long has the psychiatrist been your doctor?  It might be time for fresh eyes. Sometimes when they are long term psychiatrist/psychologist I noticed they don’t see the stages well anymore until it all hits the fan. You do sound more and more like you are entering a manic phase.  

[Ellie]

12 hours ago, Night Elf said:

No one that I've seen at Kaiser has experience with eating disorders. When I was in the ED treatment program at a clinic, I saw a nurse practitioner but she limited my exercise and told me to follow the meal plan my dietitian gave me, which, as much as I love my dietitian, she was stuck on me gaining weight when I was already at a normal weight. However, out of desperation, I did text her to ask her advice and if she can help me. She didn't get back to me. I texted her again just now. When I saw her mid-year in 2021, she was always so busy. Not only did she have a private practice but she was a dietitian for the ED clinic I went to. 

I pay out of pocket for anyone outside the Kaiser network and dietitians can be expensive. She charged $65 for a 45 minute session. I thought that was reasonable but now that I'm no longer working, I don't think we can swing that and my weekly therapy as well. However, I'm willing to try because I don't know what else to do.

My therapist has been doubling as my dietitian since I stopped seeing mine, and her advice was more restrictive than my dietitian's plan. My therapist wants me to lose weight as I'm very near a weight that sent me into an eating disorder last time I reached it. She worries I'm headed that way. To be honest, I am! If I can't start losing weight on a 1300 calorie diet, I might go back to my super low calorie diet. DH says it will throw me into starvation mode and I won't lose but I lost a good deal of weight with it. However, I'm now 54 years old and missing periods. I'm scared my body is just refusing to release this added weight. 

Ah. You have Kaiser. Unless things have changed since I had Kaiser (and they could have; for some reason Kaiser doesn't feel the need to check in with me) getting any thyroid issues identified and rectified is going to be almost impossible. Back when I was diagnosed with low thyroid, Kaiser doctors only tested TSH, and were not concerned with anything 9 or under. I know now that if my TSH is as high as 1, I'm in trouble. My doctor never ran any labs except TSH; I know now that treating patients based on TSH is a recipe for disaster, and that at a minimum, there should be Free T3 and Free T4. I believe my thyroid function is almost nonexistent today because I was undermedicated 20 years ago at Kaiser.

You are describing classic hypothyroid symptoms. Yes, there could be other causes, but it's really simple to know if it's thyroid: Free T3 and Free T4. TSH will tell you there's a problem (except we know that Kaiser doesn't think it's a problem if it's 9 or higher), but it won't tell you what your thyroid function actually is. 

Check out Stop the Thyroid Madness. We may have given you that link before; if you didn't check it out then, you should check it out now. There is information on there about ordering your own labs economically. Of course, if the labs come back showing that you're hypo, you're still going to need to be treated, and that will be a problem. But one step at a time.

[WendyLady]

You’ve had a lot of changes over a short time with job and health changes. I’m so impressed by your insight into your life and health concerns. You have been able to manage some difficult life changes, mood behaviors, and medication changes all at the same time. This is huge!!! You deserve a gold star or something!! I hope you can give yourself some credit for how well you are doing with everything.

Settling into stability with new meds is probably to most important step for your overall health, and it sounds like you have good support for that. Your sleep is your best indicator of bipolar health. Can you use a sleep aid to help get you back on a good schedule? Insomnia can mess up all kinds of things and I’m sorry that you are struggling with that!

Your weight concerns are totally valid. There are lots of issues you brought up that could be contributing - being home more, knee and back injury, less exercise, medications, sleep, age, etc. Discussing it with your doctor is a good idea, but probably getting stable with meds will be most important for now. Making healthy plans with your dietician and therapist is such a great strategy. They sound like excellent support for you and can help you navigate healthy eating during this stressful time. 
 

I can also gain weight eating between 1200 and 1500 calories. For me, I have to be careful how I “spend” my calories. When I focus mainly on lean protein and veggies, I do better. I do best when I set up healthy habits of eating for a long period instead of Weightloss goals. The scale is just data collection - when it is up, I can tweak my eating, but I don’t need to panic. Tracking over time can help me see the patterns and steady down or even staying steady without gaining is great for me. Weight watchers is slooooow for me, but it is a good steady plan with the support that I need. I’ve been off plan and thinking of quitting, but your post has helped remind me that this can take time, so I’ll stick with it a few more months (and actually try to use the program!!) 

 

Edited March 9, 2022 by WendyLady

[Mom_to3]

I do think perimenopause can cause insomnia (it has been one of my issues). Could you try to take a sleeping pill only once every few days to get at least one good night of sleep and get it out of your system in between? Are you a healthy, if not ideal, weight, right now, in which case it would be ok to focus on your other issues, like meds, for now?

[Night Elf]

3 hours ago, itsheresomewhere said:

How long has the psychiatrist been your doctor?  It might be time for fresh eyes. Sometimes when they are long term psychiatrist/psychologist I noticed they don’t see the stages well anymore until it all hits the fan. You do sound more and more like you are entering a manic phase.  

Years. She's the only psych doc within a decent driving range. The only Kaiser psych doctor at a Kaiser facility I should say. There aren't enough behavioral health employees if you ask me.

I'm not sure why some of you are worried I'm going into a manic phase. Neither my DH nor I agree.  I'm not having any of my usual symptoms. I'm not agitated. Okay, I'm still a bit miffed over the $70 thing, but that's because I'm not getting anymore paychecks. My thoughts aren't racing, I don't have any anxiety, I'm not hyperactive, and my speech isn't rapid. Remember now, there is a difference between a manic phase that is part of Bipolar 1 and the hypomanic phase of Bipolar 2. I have Bipolar 2, so my hypomanic phase is a collection of symptoms like the ones I just listed. I do not have manic thoughts like thoughts of grandeur, invincibility. Yes, I have trouble sleeping but that's been going on for years and none of my medical support team can pinpoint it's cause so they all agree it must be a combination of things.

Why do you think I'm hypomanic? What on earth am I writing in my posts that makes you think I'm hypomanic? All I've done is respond to people's posts with answers to their questions or concerns. I appreciate people worrying about me, but goodness, I'm fine. Really. But if it makes any of you feel better, I have an appointment with my psych doctor next week I believe. I'll tell her about your concerns and let her judge. From the information I emailed her, she didn't think it was a hypomanic phase. And now you're questioning her judgment? Isn't that a bit strange? Really. You don't know her or me beyond what I post. If my DH doesn't see any red flags, I don't think any of you should. Geez, I'm sorry now I posted about the $70 or my weight loss problems. Those seem like perfectly normal concerns to me, no more unusual that other posts here. Chill! 🤪

[Night Elf]

2 hours ago, Mom_to3 said:

I do think perimenopause can cause insomnia (it has been one of my issues). Could you try to take a sleeping pill only once every few days to get at least one good night of sleep and get it out of your system in between? Are you a healthy, if not ideal, weight, right now, in which case it would be ok to focus on your other issues, like meds, for now?

I'm at a decent weight. Technically it's in the overweight range but it's not at the top of the range. My health is good. I have a physical every year and mine was last December and everything seemed good. 

I've been taken off two meds, a mood stabilizer and an antidepressant. I'm still on a mood stabilizer but not an antidepressant. However, I am not falling into depression nor am I having suicidal ideations which is what put me on that med in the first place. I did start an ADHD med called Intuniv but I've only taken it 3 days I think. I took it in the morning on the first day and felt drowsy all day, but it didn't make me feel drowsy the second day I took it. 

Because of my ADHD, I can even drink coffee with caffeine and it not act as a stimulant. Usually I fall asleep after drinking coffee. It's the only caffeine I get. I don't drink soda. Also, as part of my eating plan with Overeaters Anonymous, I can't have chocolate. It's a trigger food. There is no such thing as one bite of chocolate for me. I'm staying away from all candy except Orange mint lifesavers. Those don't trigger me to want more after having one. I haven't binged in two weeks I don't think. I'm very proud of myself! 😋

[kiwik]

8 hours ago, Night Elf said:

I'm eating 1400 calories a day. That's not restricting in a bad way. That is a healthy way to lose weight according to all the research my therapist and I have done. I needed to be convinced, hence the research. I'm not allowed to go below 1300 but everyone is happier when I'm in the 1400 range. I'm not losing weight though! I lost at 1200 when I was on Weight Watchers the first time. The program is different now. I'm on it again and it's eating even less. If I stick to my daily points only I'm getting around 1000 calories, so I have to purposefully eat more to boost that up to 1400. It means I finish my weeks without any weekly points left. I'm about to end my 6th week on this program and my weight to  date has gone up by about a pound. No one can understand why I'm not losing. Um, I'm eating too much?? I can't increase my activity even if I wanted to because of my leg problems. I do 30 minutes of stretching for physical therapy exercises which earns me a point. I do a 10 minute low intensity cardio workout which earns me a point. On nice days, DH and I walk for 20 minutes which earns me a point. I can't walk longer than that without my legs really hurting. That is with wearing my knee braces and taking pain meds 30 minutes before we walk as a preventative. Doesn't work.

I'm doing weightwatchers at the moment.  I thought it might not work well post menopause but it is.  Have you tried resetting your foods.  I get a lot of points but only have fruit, veges and chicken breast free so it is a lot harder for me to overeat than my mother who can actually eat free points all day then splurge on chocolate with all her points.

[Kassia]

3 hours ago, Night Elf said:

I haven't binged in two weeks I don't think. I'm very proud of myself! 😋

That's fantastic!  🙂

[Night Elf]

5 hours ago, kiwik said:

I'm doing weightwatchers at the moment.  I thought it might not work well post menopause but it is.  Have you tried resetting your foods.  I get a lot of points but only have fruit, veges and chicken breast free so it is a lot harder for me to overeat than my mother who can actually eat free points all day then splurge on chocolate with all her points.

I get 22 dailies and 28 weeklies. I get oatmeal and popcorn free. I eat about 1.5 cups oatmeal every day, but I put 2T of light margarine in it so that makes it 2 pts. Then I get all the freebies everyone gets of course. It sounds like I shouldn't have a problem eating but I like things like diced mangoes fruit cups in juice. That's not free because it's in juice. I used to get potatoes free because I ate them every day but I decided to cut way down and give them up as a free food and gained 3 pts. back in my dailies. Being at 19 dailies was really difficult. I end every week with only a handful of weeklies left. Right now I have 10 weeklies and today is my last day of the week. I won't eat all of them but I average 2 weeklies a day, sometimes more.