how would you handle this?

[Melissa in Australia]

2 hours ago, Scarlett said:

Get rid of the cat.   

I agree

[Jean in Newcastle]

12 minutes ago, MercyA said:

Okay, someone has to say it and it might as well be me.

What's with all the suggestions to "get rid of" the cat? He's not a piece of furniture. He's a living creature with the ability to experience stress, fear, and feelings of abandonment. It's very much not his fault another family member is leaving her stuff on the floor for him to pee on. 

Whatever the best solution is, I can't imagine it involves "getting rid of" a member of the family. 

[Steps off soapbox.]

But the corollary to that is that over all the years of the OP's posting I have not seen her post ONE THING positive about any of her children.  They are not pieces of furniture either that have to hop to it or face contempt and name calling. 

[EKS]

57 minutes ago, Melissa Louise said:

So, the question is how to meet the need to conserve one's energy in regard to the task that doesn't involve floor/cat pee. 

I wouldn't call it a need.  More like a choice.

[Not_a_Number]

1 minute ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

But the corollary to that is that over all the years of the OP's posting I have not seen her post ONE THING positive about any of her children.  They are not pieces of furniture either that have to hop to it or face contempt and name calling. 

To be fair, a lot of us wind up posting to rant and not when things are going well. Not that I haven't seen this pattern 😕 . 

[Innisfree]

10 minutes ago, MercyA said:

Okay, someone has to say it and it might as well be me.

What's with all the suggestions to "get rid of" the cat? He's not a piece of furniture. He's a living creature with the ability to experience stress, fear, and feelings of abandonment. It's very much not his fault another family member is leaving her stuff on the floor for him to pee on. 

Whatever the best solution is, I can't imagine it involves "getting rid of" a member of the family. 

[Steps off soapbox.]

All this, plus I can't imagine that removing the cat (whom the dd loves) would improve harmony within the family or between parents and dd. 

I like the idea of putting clothes on the dresser or a chair; or, the sort of chat @fairfarmhand described. Also, a friendly nightly check that things are settled according to whatever plan OP and dd agree on.

[regentrude]

2 hours ago, Scarlett said:

Get rid of the cat.   

How is it the cat's fault that the humans cannot figure out a way to keep the cat in a different space overnight? 

[caedmyn]

27 minutes ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

But the corollary to that is that over all the years of the OP's posting I have not seen her post ONE THING positive about any of her children.  They are not pieces of furniture either that have to hop to it or face contempt and name calling. 

Believe it or not I actually put a fair bit of time and effort into trying to help my kids with their issues.  While I do feel quite a bit of frustration at times, nowhere did I say that I expected her to hop to it, and she doesn't get contempt or name calling from me either.  For the most part I don't even lecture.  A typical conversation about her room looks like this: Me--"DD, you have clothes on the floor again.  You have GOT to keep them off the floor so the cat doesn't pee on them." DD--"I know, I know."  And that's it.  (Yes I've also tried consequences and offering solutions and picked up her clothes for her and stuff like that.)

[itsheresomewhere]

The attitude some of us are lazy is why we do things is one reason my relationship with my mother is what it is.  I wasn’t lazy but had some EF issues that were not lazy.
 

If we were in person I would say this to you- I know you have said your DH is against therapy, evaluations  and meds but honestly, the best thing you could do for the kids and you is to override your DH.  It is not wrong to stand up and get help.  You need it and the kids do.  Everyone of you deserve to be happy and it has not sounded like it for years based on your posts.  The kids are being judged unfairly when they have some undiagnosed issues.  
 

 

[Melissa Louise]

1 hour ago, fairfarmhand said:

Meant to add:

My ds sounds similar to your dd, but we don't have a cat. He drops his clothes in the middle of the floor. I started putting a laundry basket right in that spot and most of the time he drops his clothing in the basket. And that's what I've accepted as reasonable. The clothes are in the basket. Maybe one day, I'll start moving it 6 inches a week toward a corner.

I like the basket idea. I love that you put it in the spot he was dropping the clothes anyway. Elegant, efficient solution to getting clothes off the literal floor. 

[Scarlett]

42 minutes ago, regentrude said:

How is it the cat's fault that the humans cannot figure out a way to keep the cat in a different space overnight? 

I did not say it was the cats fault.  But I would not have that situation.  Animals peeing in my house ON CARPET just would not be tolerated.  She already said she can’t trust her child to not let the cat in her room.  

[Terabith]

I've had a really crappy, exhausting day, and I just have no diplomacy left.  I'm sorry.  

I think your husband is controlling and abusive, caedmyn.  I think the environment in your family is incredibly unhealthy.  I think you're overwhelmed and need help.  I think all of your kids need evaluations, medications, and therapy.  I think you guys need family therapy.  

And I think if your goal is to raise a supervillain, getting rid of a kid's beloved pet because they didn't clean their room is exactly the way to do it.  I mean, that is the kind of thing from which relationships simply never, ever recover.  Don't do it.  

[Drama Llama]

.

Edited May 8, 2021 by BaseballandHockey

[Shoeless]

Getting rid of the cat won't fix the root problem, and like others have said, it will likely cause more problems. 

I had a cat that liked to pee on laundry (only clean laundry, too! No idea why!) I learned pretty fast that if I didn't want my laundry peed on, I needed to wash, dry, fold, and put it away immediately.  The problem stopped once I changed *my* behavior. 

You're going to have to supervise this. You say she responds to external motivators. Find one and apply it. I'd probably be very blunt with her and let her know exactly what is on the line here: the cat will be rehomed because it thinks her room is dirty enough to be a litter box. Does she need more clothes hampers to stuff things into? Then get more. Make a blanket rule of "nothing stored on the floor".  Give her enough storage containers with lids to shove things into, so the cat can't pee on the clothes.  You can work on fine tuning her organizing skills later. Solve the immediate problem now.  

I don't know what to make of your home dynamic. It seems like you are very stressed and everything is really hard there all the time. You're going to have to change something about the situation if you want it to improve. 

Edited February 27, 2021 by MissLemon

[Not_a_Number]

3 minutes ago, BaseballandHockey said:

So, I listen to her, and all the things she says resonate with me, but my kids, who are pretty neuro-typical kids, would be entirely overwhelmed by that much stuff in their room.  

I think I have whatever the opposite of a clutter problem is.  

Just watched it... does everyone NOT have labelled bins all over the place, lol? I'm pretty messy, but I'm very organized, and that's definitely what we do. We have giant Kallax shelves (those IKEA cubes) all over and everything is labelled.

Edited February 27, 2021 by Not_a_Number

[Melissa Louise]

19 minutes ago, Terabith said:

I've had a really crappy, exhausting day, and I just have no diplomacy left.  I'm sorry.  

I think your husband is controlling and abusive, caedmyn.  I think the environment in your family is incredibly unhealthy.  I think you're overwhelmed and need help.  I think all of your kids need evaluations, medications, and therapy.  I think you guys need family therapy.  

And I think if your goal is to raise a supervillain, getting rid of a kid's beloved pet because they didn't clean their room is exactly the way to do it.  I mean, that is the kind of thing from which relationships simply never, ever recover.  Don't do it.  

I did suggest steam-rollering the dad on another thread, but it occurs to me I could do that because I had access to cash. It's gonna be hard without that, in a situation where the dad controls cash/insurance. 

I'm not saying this is the OPs situation, and y'all may have already told her how to go about accessing evals and meds in her particular situation.

 

 

[Paige]

I would just invest in carpet cleaner and let DD be the one to clean up the mess. I have a problem cat of my own, and think that there's unlikely to be carpet damage if the cat is peeing on a pile or even stack of clothes- unless they're like swimsuits or something. DD will have some natural consequences and it won't be your problem. 

You could also try a pheromone collar for the cat or a pheromone diffuser for DD's room. 

I didn't read everything, but I saw enough to see that there's likely a lot of stress going on right now, so I'd pick my battles. 4 pees on a pile of clothes on the floor in a year isn't that bad. If he does it regularly, then I'd look into why the cat doesn't want to use the box. 

[Drama Llama]

.

 

Edited May 8, 2021 by BaseballandHockey

[Drama Llama]

.

Edited May 8, 2021 by BaseballandHockey

[Drama Llama]

.

Edited May 8, 2021 by BaseballandHockey

[Not_a_Number]

Just now, BaseballandHockey said:

My kids don't have 25 shirts for example, they have about 5.  They don't have a bin or a drawer full of socks, they have like 10 identical white socks total.  They also aren't keeping art supplies, and 25 types of toys in their room.  I think they'd be really overwhelmed by that.  And in the place that we do keep art supplies there's one pair of scissors, not a handful of scissors.  

I'll be perfectly clear that I have issues. I'm not really suggesting that people should raise kids like I raise mine.  

No, no, I wasn't even criticizing! I just didn't watch the video until you replied to it, and then I realized that it looked just like our house, except without half the bins dumped out on the floor 😉 . (We're very organized. Very. But do we clean up all the time? No. We clean up once a day. In the meantime, the bins get dumped.) 

We definitely do have many pairs of scissors, and many different pairs of socks (the bane of my existence), and tons of different clothes, and many kinds of toys, and lots of compulsively organized Lego sets and... 

[sassenach]

I can only tell you how it would go in our house. Family meeting- DH included. She deals with any clean up, she cleans the carpet, and if she doesn't keep her crap off the floor, the cat will probably need to be re-homed. 

[BusyMom5]

How would go about this- I'd flat tell DD that cat pee on clothes is nasty and doesn't come out in one wash.  It isn't an acceptable level of cleanliness in my house, so we need new rules.  First rule is all clothes must be hanging in the closet or in the drawer every night, and any time she leaves her room.  Then I would help her get a system in place.  Ive got 2 that need a lot more help with this than my others.  Things I found have helped- 

1.  Fewer clothes,  no stuffing clothes into a drawer or closet.  I find an amount that fits, no more allowed.  New in, older thing out.  

2.  An appealing way to organize- clear bins, wire crates, every item has a logical place that is easy to remember.  

3.  I check daily- yes, sounds like you are treating them like a toddler- i don't care.  Set aside a time each night to help her with it- 10 minutes tops.  Then check again before you leave in the morning.  If you see something,  remind her.  

BTW, my oldest is almost 18 and is finally showing improvement in this area.  Its still not to my liking, but its so much better!  I know there is advice out there saying to let them figure it out on their own,or their room,  their mess.  I don't agree.  We need to be actively teaching our kids how to prioritize cleaning, do quick pickups fo it doesn't get overwhelming,  organize, declutter, etc.  Everyone in my house functions better with a clean room.  Its hard.  I'm not saying perfect, but I do mean no clothes in the floor, no wet anything!  Clear path out of the room.  Stuff in stacks or stuff you are working on left out overnight?  Fine.  A project that hasn't been touched in a week- that one needs put away.  

Good luck!

[Scarlett]

 Not every kid who doesn’t keep a clean room has executive unctions issues.  Not every husband who doesn’t want a cat peeing on the carpet is abusive. Not every mother who is on the brink is the problem.

sometimes kids are just kids and parents are just parents.  

[Scarlett]

2 hours ago, Not_a_Number said:

To be fair, a lot of us wind up posting to rant and not when things are going well. Not that I haven't seen this pattern 😕 . 

Exactly.  We don’t post when things are rosy because we don’t want to brag.  Then we post when things are rough and we want to rip our kids hair out and we are are abusive. 

[Scarlett]

3 hours ago, MercyA said:

Okay, someone has to say it and it might as well be me.

What's with all the suggestions to "get rid of" the cat? He's not a piece of furniture. He's a living creature with the ability to experience stress, fear, and feelings of abandonment. It's very much not his fault another family member is leaving her stuff on the floor for him to pee on. 

Whatever the best solution is, I can't imagine it involves "getting rid of" a member of the family. 

[Steps off soapbox.]

Sweetie you know you are one of my favs but still and yet, animals are animals and people are people.  This cat might very well be happier living in a barn catching mice.  Either way, a households harmony is more important than any animal....and if the animal needs to go it needs to go.  
Seriously, I could not keep a cat inside that peed on anything.   

[Garga]

Nature’s Miracle is a product that breaks down cat pee at the molecular level and gets rid of the smell. However, you have to soak the area in it. This means you’d have to pour a lot on the carpet and let it sit and most likely it would soak through to the wood underneath and ruin it. And if you haven’t treated the carpet with something like Nature’s Miracle, then you haven’t gotten the pee out of it. At this point, replace it with a roll of vinyl, as others said.

If your dd has ADHD, then her executive functioning is on average 30% behind her peers. That means she possibly has the EF of a 10-year-old or younger. If you wouldn’t expect a 10-year-old to handle her own eye meds, then don’t expect your dd. Same with showers. My kids when they were 10 hated bathing and wouldn’t do it until I insisted.

If your kids need to get evaluations, then you need to do it. Your dh might be a nice guy and all that, but this is a blind spot for him. How many hours has he spent on these boards or online researching EF issues or symptoms of ADHD or learning disorders? How many hours has he spent directly teaching them? If he hasn’t spent the same amount of hours you have, then he is not the one most knowledgeable about the issues, so he does not get the deciding vote. This is the time when you put on your feisty hat and insist on evaluations. 

Edited February 27, 2021 by Garga

[Garga]

4 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

Sweetie you know you are one of my favs but still and yet, animals are animals and people are people.  This cat might very well be happier living in a barn catching mice.  Either way, a households harmony is more important than any animal....and if the animal needs to go it needs to go.  
Seriously, I could not keep a cat inside that peed on anything.   

Getting rid of a beloved pet is devastating to people. People are people and you don’t get rid of a beloved pet and devastate them. 

If her pet is gotten rid of because she couldn’t pick up her clothes, she *will* be damaged, and it may take years for her to recover from the cruelty inflicted on her by her parents. We all know she’s not neurotypical (not wanting to shower for weeks? not using her meds? It’s clear as crystal).  Punishing her for being incapable of doing something is just cruel.

[Scarlett]

3 minutes ago, Garga said:

Getting rid of a beloved pet is devastating to people. People are people and you don’t get rid of a beloved pet and devastate them. 

If her pet is gotten rid of because she couldn’t pick up her clothes, she *will* be damaged, and it may take years for her to recover from the cruelty inflicted on her by her parents. We all know she’s not neurotypical (not wanting to shower for weeks? not using her meds? It’s clear as crystal).  Punishing her for being incapable of doing something is just cruel.

I disagree.  Getting rid of a pet who is peeing on the carpet is not cruel.  It is cruel to the mom to expect her to tolerate that.

[Scarlett]

I will say that I  have pets that I dearly love.  If my pet was ripped from me with no warning and no way of fixing it I would be devastated.  But I also recognize that ANIMALS take back seats to humans.  It is too much to ask to allow a pet to pee on carpet in ones home

Edited February 27, 2021 by Scarlett

[Scarlett]

Am I missing something about this girl? She won’t put her clothes awa so she needs an evaluation?

[Katy]

If the kids need evaluations call the public school and ask for them. And if DH has that big of an issue, call CPS and ask for help. They have programs to help families in crisis and prevent kids from going into foster care. They can force evaluations whether your DH wants them or not. And if you’re really that afraid of him you might need help getting out of an abusive relationship. 
 

I love pets, but they are not people. 

[Katy]

1 minute ago, Scarlett said:

Am I missing something about this girl? She won’t put her clothes awa so she needs an evaluation?

You’re missing all the other threads about this family lately, and other threads about this child, yes. 

[1234]

I agree the cat isn’t the problem but I’m seriously confused that anyone takes a pet into their home and never expects peeing on the floor at times!?! I mean, do some of you just get rid of your pets as soon as they can’t behave as you demand? The op said it was occasional and not all the time. I’ve adopted elderly pets just to give them something better than the shelter- peeing on the floor now and then is not the end of the world.

[Garga]

2 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

Am I missing something about this girl? She won’t put her clothes awa so she needs an evaluation?

Yeah, you’re missing something. See the OP about how the dd has had an eye infection for a year because she won’t put on the ointment. And in the OP about how she won’t shower for weeks on end unless the mom tells her to. 

For a 15 yo girl, these are major flags that something isn’t right.  

Plus, there are lots of threads about the OPs kids and how the DH refuses to have them evaluated, even thought they clearly have issues that need treatment or support.  

The issue isn’t the cat. The issue is that the girl is incapable of the simple act of putting up her clothes because something is wrong neurotypically. The issue with the cat can easily be solved if the issue with the girls is addressed. 

[Katy]

1 hour ago, BaseballandHockey said:

So, I listen to her, and all the things she says resonate with me, but my kids, who are pretty neuro-typical kids, would be entirely overwhelmed by that much stuff in their room.  

I think I have whatever the opposite of a clutter problem is.  

Your kids are old enough and neurotypical enough to NOT be butterfly style organizers. Or possibly you’ve minimized their stuff to the point that it’s super easy for them to manage no matter what style they are. 
 

There are 4 types:

-Butterfly (messy, need to see their things, need it very easy to put away)

- Ladybug (everything looks nice on the outside, but hidden areas are a disaster, needs to not see things, wants big categories so things are easy to put away)

-Bee (needs to see everything, but likes very small categories so things are quick to find but take ages to put away, these are the people who outline on pegboards or use that Japanese foam in tool drawers to cut in a custom place for each tool).

-Cricket (traditionally organized person. Likes things put away into tiny categories so they can find things quickly. Makes organized piles when they don’t have time to put stuff away.  Or don’t have the money to buy the perfect product. Overthinks everything).

[Scarlett]

8 minutes ago, Joker2 said:

I agree the cat isn’t the problem but I’m seriously confused that anyone takes a pet into their home and never expects peeing on the floor at times!?! I mean, do some of you just get rid of your pets as soon as they can’t behave as you demand? The op said it was occasional and not all the time. I’ve adopted elderly pets just to give them something better than the shelter- peeing on the floor now and then is not the end of the world.

Cats peeing on the floor is not normal in the slightest to me.cats use litter boxes.....if they don’t something is bad wrong.  It isn’t like a new puppy who has an accident until his humans learn to take him out  more often.

 

[Melissa Louise]

3 hours ago, EKS said:

I wouldn't call it a need.  More like a choice.

All behaviour is meeting one need or another.

I find it more helpful to think about problems in that way than I do thinking about it in terms of character flaws. Mostly because where do you go with 'lazy'? 

Idk. I spent a lot of time being called lazy as a kid. It didn't really help me in any way, or assist me to develop a more energetic character. 

 

[Melissa Louise]

6 minutes ago, Katy said:

Your kids are old enough and neurotypical enough to NOT be butterfly style organizers. Or possibly you’ve minimized their stuff to the point that it’s super easy for them to manage no matter what style they are. 
 

There are 4 types:

-Butterfly (messy, need to see their things, need it very easy to put away)

- Ladybug (everything looks nice on the outside, but hidden areas are a disaster, needs to not see things, wants big categories so things are easy to put away)

-Bee (needs to see everything, but likes very small categories so things are quick to find but take ages to put away, these are the people who outline on pegboards or use that Japanese foam in tool drawers to cut in a custom place for each tool).

-Cricket (traditionally organized person. Likes things put away into tiny categories so they can find things quickly. Makes organized piles when they don’t have time to put stuff away.  Or don’t have the money to buy the perfect product. Overthinks everything).

Definite Ladybug tendencies here! I can live with butterflies and bees, but the crickets? Drive me crazy!

[1234]

1 minute ago, Scarlett said:

Cats peeing on the floor is not normal in the slightest to me.cats use litter boxes.....if they don’t something is bad wrong.  It isn’t like a new puppy who has an accident until his humans learn to take him out  more often.

 

We had a dining room carpet that our cat started peeing on. I never thought about getting rid of the cat. We added another litter box in another part of the house and replaced the carpet. Things have been fine since.

[Scarlett]

1 minute ago, Joker2 said:

We had a dining room carpet that our cat started peeing on. I never thought about getting rid of the cat. We added another litter box in another part of the house and replaced the carpet. Things have been fine since.

Well good for you.  Personally, cats peeing in the house is my line in the sand.  

[Katy]

7 minutes ago, Joker2 said:

I agree the cat isn’t the problem but I’m seriously confused that anyone takes a pet into their home and never expects peeing on the floor at times!?! I mean, do some of you just get rid of your pets as soon as they can’t behave as you demand? The op said it was occasional and not all the time. I’ve adopted elderly pets just to give them something better than the shelter- peeing on the floor now and then is not the end of the world.

If you’re taking care of it immediately of course you’re right. If you’re fighting with your kid to take frequent enough showers to stay hygienic and another child to not be mean to siblings you might have bigger problems to deal with. 

It’s just like how we sometimes recommend families in crisis stop homeschooling. You can’t let the ideal be the enemy of what a family needs right now in their current circumstances. 

And no, I’m not letting a cat do $30,000 of damage to my house. And I have toured homes that were discounted by more than $30k because an owner didn’t stop the cat from peeing on everything. A few accidents from a dying pet are one thing. Needing to tear a room down to the studs and ripping out subflooring does need to happen if people don’t stop this sort of behavior. Many families will go through a handful of vet visits to try and solve the problem and then make it an outdoor cat if they can’t. 

[Garga]

Sometimes a cat can have a bad experience while using their box. Maybe they heard a loud, scary noise while they were peeing, and then they may forever be afraid to pee in the box. They may poo in it, but won’t pee.

Or sometimes there’s something they don’t like about the litter. I have a cat like that. He just seems to hate peeing in the box, though he will poo in it. I have tried different litters, and he doesn’t seem to take to one above another. He just hates peeing in the box, even though he’ll poo in it.

So, I bought a nice big litter box for him and I line it with a puppy pee pad. He uses the litter box for pooing (like my other cats do), but he uses the pee pad for peeing. It’s actually easier to clean than the litter box. I just fold it over and ball it up, much like changing a diaper without getting any pee on your hands.  It costs more because now I have to have a supply of pee pads and replace it once or twice a day, but no more “accidents” on any throw rugs.

Just throwing that out there if anyone has a peeing cat and is looking for another solution. 

I did have to make a big fuss about chasing my other cats out of the pee pad box so that I wouldn’t have 5 cats all using pee pads every day. That would get expensive fast!  They all learned really quickly that only Miles uses the pee pad and they’ll be chased away if they try to use it.

 

Edited February 27, 2021 by Garga

[Drama Llama]

.

Edited May 8, 2021 by BaseballandHockey

[Shoeless]

18 minutes ago, Joker2 said:

I agree the cat isn’t the problem but I’m seriously confused that anyone takes a pet into their home and never expects peeing on the floor at times!?! I mean, do some of you just get rid of your pets as soon as they can’t behave as you demand? The op said it was occasional and not all the time. I’ve adopted elderly pets just to give them something better than the shelter- peeing on the floor now and then is not the end of the world.

The only times my pets pee on the floor is if they are ill, (except for the cat with the weird laundry-peeing habit that was remedied). I am forgiving of a pet that is sick and can't help it, but as a general "This is how things are", from a younger, healthy animal? No. That's a behavior issue that is up to me to solve. It's not unreasonable to not want to live in a cat-pee house. 

[MercyA]

38 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

Sweetie you know you are one of my favs but still and yet, animals are animals and people are people.  This cat might very well be happier living in a barn catching mice.  Either way, a households harmony is more important than any animal....and if the animal needs to go it needs to go.  
Seriously, I could not keep a cat inside that peed on anything.   

Aww, you're one of my favs, too. ❤️ 

I agree with you almost always, but not this time. I would try almost anything before finding a new home for one of my animal companions, because they really are part of my family for life.

I am not one who sees a huge difference between animals and people, especially in terms of their abilities to feel attachments and emotions. 

I do think removing the cat would be tremendously hard both on the cat and on the teen in this situation, and therefore there must be a better solution.

I believe the cat is only peeing on the clothes every few months, which should be very easily remedied by keeping the clothes off the floor. Constant daily spraying outside the litterbox would be another matter.

[1234]

4 minutes ago, MissLemon said:

The only times my pets pee on the floor is if they are ill, (except for the cat with the weird laundry-peeing habit that was remedied). I am forgiving of a pet that is sick and can't help it, but as a general "This is how things are", from a younger, healthy animal? No. That's a behavior issue that is up to me to solve. It's not unreasonable to not want to live in a cat-pee house. 

I said now and then. The op said it’s about four times a year. That’s not a cat-pee house.

[Garga]

nm

Edited February 27, 2021 by Garga

[Shoeless]

3 minutes ago, Joker2 said:

I said now and then. The op said it’s about four times a year. That’s not a cat-pee house.

I missed where op said it was happening only 4 times a year. That's infrequent, but this behavior can be come a nasty habit that is impossible to break the longer it goes on. And the solution is pretty simple: no clothes on the floor.   

[Katy]

14 minutes ago, BaseballandHockey said:

My kids are also under a fair amount of stress that pretty significantly impacts their executive functioning, and are on their own, or babysitting younger kids a lot of the time. 

But to be honest, their room is set up to meet my needs, and my executive functioning was never great and is now pretty impacted. 

In their room they each have about 5 days worth of clothing, and a few special things like a church clothes outfit, or a jersey from their favorite sports team.  They each have a shelf above their bed with a couple important objects, like a stuffed animal that used to belong to their brother, and a couple books that they are currently reading.

We aren't a family that has an enormous amount of stuff, but the stuff we have is generally not kept in their rooms.  

I found the amount of stuff in that room to be really overwhelming.  

ETA:  I didn't really mean this as an indication that people should do what I do.  When I said that I have the opposite of a clutter problem, I mean that my need to not have stuff is pretty extreme.  

It sounds to me like you’re doing a great job of managing everything you’ve been going through, no matter how tough. And I think everyone can handle most any system if the quantity of stuff to manage is super minimal. 

[EKS]

22 minutes ago, Melissa Louise said:

All behaviour is meeting one need or another.

I find it more helpful to think about problems in that way than I do thinking about it in terms of character flaws. Mostly because where do you go with 'lazy'? 

Idk. I spent a lot of time being called lazy as a kid. It didn't really help me in any way, or assist me to develop a more energetic character. 

 

So, if you'll remember, I started this exchange by making the claim that I, as a teen, was being lazy by leaving my clothes all over the floor.  That is a true statement.

Now you're telling me that my behavior was "meeting a need."

I'm calling bs.