I think I downsized too soon - an introvert's nightmare- mostly a vent

[PrincessMommy]

I've been watching extra grandkids for extra days.  The two youngest, that I normally watch2x per week, are not going to their other grandparents (in their 70s) for now. They also go to daycare with their 5yr old sister 2x per week.  My 6.5yr old grandson is home from school and they can't afford to add him to daycare full time.  My daughter's work is not conducive to work-from-home (bio research) and they are staying open for the foreseeable future.  My SIL is working from home in a 2 bedroom apartment and asked if we could keep watching the kids so he can work. 

My youngest grandson (3mos) sleeps about 20-30 mins at a stretch.  My husband is now home teleworking.  He spends a lot of time in virtual meetings-  but he talks LOUD on the phone.  LOUD.  He woke up the baby the ONE time he was sleeping longer than 30 mins yesterday. 😣  When dh is not busy with work he's wandering around wanting stimulation and attention.  😵  My 18yr old is home as well as my adult daughter, who is a PS teacher.  Her fiance is here most days (also a PS teacher).  My house is FULL.  I cannot find a place to myself.  2 yr old grandson naps in my bedroom.  People are helping me, but only when its convenient to them.   My dh did take the 2yr old on a walk with the dog yesterday and my dd took the baby when I was desperate for a nap on the couch.  But they go off to their spaces when their "done."    In my head I get it.  I'm the caretaker and the kids are mostly my responsibility.

When I got home from meeting up with my daughter, to drop kids off, the first thing someone asked me was "What's for dinner?"  Seriously!!?? 

By the end of the day yesterday I was completely frazzled and wishing I was back in my bigger house with a finished basement and 5 bedrooms.  Today I just have oldest grandson (he's 6yrs old, so he's easy).   But dh is still home talking loudly on the phone.  It's still too chilly to go outside in the backyard and get away.  Tomorrow I may have 3 of them.  

People who say this is the perfect time for introverts must be single or DINKs. 😉

I cannot imagine what those who bought into the whole Tiny House revolution are going through.  I get stressed out just thinking about that.

Edited March 19, 2020 by PrincessMommy

[Miss Tick]

Yikes! I'm getting sweaty palms just imagining your situation! Can you formally assign a couple of tasks like walking grandchild and dog once a day and dinner prep once a week? I wonder if your dh had a headset for the phone if that would quiet his speaking level at all. Might be worth $10 to try out.

Wow. Maybe a noise cancelling headset for yourself...

[mommyoffive]

Oh my.  I am introvert too and this isn't something I enjoy.  I sure wish our house was a lot lot bigger.   5 kids, a dog, dh working from home makes me crazy. I want to get rid of so much stuff right now, but where can you even take it right now?   I know they tell you to downsize when the kids start leaving, but I don't know that we will.  You just never know what is going to happen. 

[PrincessMommy]

1 minute ago, SusanC said:

Yikes! I'm getting sweaty palms just imagining your situation! Can you formally assign a couple of tasks like walking grandchild and dog once a day and dinner prep once a week? I wonder if your dh had a headset for the phone if that would quiet his speaking level at all. Might be worth $10 to try out.

Wow. Maybe a noise cancelling headset for yourself...

yes, he has a headset.  I couldn't hear the other people in the meeting.   I like the idea of assigning tasks.  I do plan to speak to people about cooking dinner.  

[TravelingChris]

I was just thinking today about how grateful I am w bought this large house almost nine years ago--we have 5 bedrooms, two kitchens, a great room, a sun room, a dining room and a family room.  Last fall,  I was thinking how we need to downsize once our youngest moved out.  She moved out in February but our house needs to be updated in some ways before we sell and now I am so glad we are here.  When we moved here in summer 2011, we though we would have three people living here most of the time and a fourth during school breaks.  We have at times had four, five,  and even six living here plus numerous pets.   Now there is just the two of us but I am happy with having a large space to shelter in place-----I have to shelter more than most people.

[edelweiss]

Oh my gosh!  That sounds awful.  Right now I am very grateful for my large house.  I didn't realize how much until I read your post.  My DH works from home all of the time, so I am used to having my whole family home. We all have our own spaces to separate in normal conditions, so we are not getting on each other's nerves much.  

I am SO sorry for all you are dealing with.  ((Hugs))

[wintermom]

Bless you, for all you are doing for your family!   

I get my alone time outdoors. I just bundle up and go head to the closest walking paths I have time for. Layers of clothing are perfect, because as you get walking, you overheat and then you just shed a layer.  Your body will get used to the chill very quickly. The exercise and the fresh air are wonderful for physical and mental wellness. 

[edelweiss]

1 minute ago, Æthelthryth the Texan said:

Also, why is it that men have to be SO LOUD on phones?!? Not just your dh Princess Mommy- we are having the same issue here with the volume control. It makes me wonder what the people who have offices surrounding his at work think. 😂 

😂 This is so true.  My husband is also SO LOUD when he is on the phone.  We actually added another door in our house to block the sound because he works from home all of the time, and he disturbs us when homeschooling.  We still hear him, but it is at least muffled a reasonable amount.  

[sassenach]

29 minutes ago, PrincessMommy said:

I've been watching extra grandkids for extra days.  The two youngest, that I normally watch2x per week, are not going to their other grandparents (in their 70s) for now. They also go to daycare with their 5yr old sister 2x per week.  My 6.5yr old grandson is home from school and they can't afford to add him to daycare full time.  My daughter's work is not conducive to work-from-home (bio research) and they are staying open for the foreseeable future.  My SIL is working from home in a 2 bedroom apartment and asked if we could keep watching the kids so he can work. 

My youngest grandson (3mos) sleeps about 20-30 mins at a stretch.  My husband is now home teleworking.  He spends a lot of time in virtual meetings-  but he talks LOUD on the phone.  LOUD.  He woke up the baby the ONE time he was sleeping longer than 30 mins yesterday. 😣  When dh is not busy with work he's wandering around wanting stimulation and attention.  😵  My 18yr old is home as well as my adult daughter, who is a PS teacher.  Her fiance is here most days (also a PS teacher).  My house is FULL.  I cannot find a place to myself.  2 yr old grandson naps in my bedroom.  People are helping me, but only when its convenient to them.   My dh did take the 2yr old on a walk with the dog yesterday and my dd took the baby when I was desperate for a nap on the couch.  But they go off to their spaces when their "done."    In my head I get it.  I'm the caretaker and the kids are mostly my responsibility.

When I got home from meeting up with my daughter, to drop kids off, the first thing someone asked me was "What's for dinner?"  Seriously!!?? 

By the end of the day yesterday I was completely frazzled and wishing I was back in my bigger house with a finished basement and 5 bedrooms.  Today I just have oldest grandson (he's 6yrs old, so he's easy).   But dh is still home talking loudly on the phone.  It's still too chilly to go outside in the backyard and get away.  Tomorrow I may have 3 of them.  

People who say this is the perfect time for introverts must be single or DINKs. 😉

I cannot imagine what those who bought into the whole Tiny House revolution are going through.  I get stressed out just thinking about that.

6-7 people and 2 dogs in 1400sf here! I feel your pain!

[Wheres Toto]

Dh is going to be working from home at least part of the time and I'm not sure how that's going to work.   We have a very small house.  The kids are both introverts as well so spend a lot of time in their rooms so when it's just me and them, it's not too bad.   But dh and I both have no choice but to hang in the living room (14 x 14 room, throughway to every other part of the house).  He likes watching random movies and stuff on tv, while I like to listen to music or reading.   Especially when I try to clean, having him here is a problem.  I like to have music playing really loud and sing along.  Can't do that with him here, and can't sing along with headphones on.  

I can escape to the science center.  There is work I can do there, and I can play my music pretty loud.   But I can only do that for so many hours a day.  And I don't get any house cleaning done while I"m there.

[PrincessMommy]

6 minutes ago, Æthelthryth the Texan said:

Also, why is it that men have to be SO LOUD on phones?!? Not just your dh Princess Mommy- we are having the same issue here with the volume control. It makes me wonder what the people who have offices surrounding his at work think. 😂 

I have thought the same thing over the years.  He's always loud on the phone and I'm constantly giving him the stink-eye for it .  

[sassenach]

1 minute ago, Æthelthryth the Texan said:

I'd be chilling outside with the dogs! 😂 

It’s been raining! 😭

[sassenach]

Truthfully, we’re all being really flexible with our space and that’s helping. I’ve had to take a few zoom meetings in my kids’ rooms because ds and his nurse are in my room and dh is on his zooms in the family room. We’re doing ok. 

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

I'm sorry, that is TOUGH!  I hope you are able to have a discussion with everyone- your adult kids and your parent-kids, and make sure everyone puts on their grown-up pants and does their part.  

[mommyoffive]

I feel for anyone in a city that is living with kids in an apartment.  

[PrincessMommy]

15 minutes ago, HeighHo said:

Any way everyone who is working at home can go to the SILS 2 bedrooms apt, while the daycare is at your home?

I love that idea.  My dh's setup is pretty extensive so it may not be possible.  Plus he's testing equipment we have here at home. (I have a small satellite "garden" at my house)

[Tap]

2 minutes ago, PrincessMommy said:

I love that idea.  My dh's setup is pretty extensive so it may not be possible.  Plus he's testing equipment we have here at home. (I have a small satellite "garden" at my house)

Can you take the kids to the apt for at least part of the day? Maybe little one would sleep longer in their own bed. 

[Carol in Cal.]

Sigh.  I was made for a big, rambling house, but I have never had one and probably never will.

[TravelingChris]

50 minutes ago, Æthelthryth the Texan said:

Also, why is it that men have to be SO LOUD on phones?!? Not just your dh Princess Mommy- we are having the same issue here with the volume control. It makes me wonder what the people who have offices surrounding his at work think. 😂 

I guess I am a man then--- It is me that is so loud.

[katilac]

All of the "loud on the phone" people should get their hearing checked, just in case. My dh spoke in headache-inducing volume on the phone before he got his hearing aids 😃

[edelweiss]

6 minutes ago, katilac said:

All of the "loud on the phone" people should get their hearing checked, just in case. My dh spoke in headache-inducing volume on the phone before he got his hearing aids 😃

I met my husband when he was 21.  He has always spoken loudly on the phone.  😂🙄

[RootAnn]

1 hour ago, TravelingChris said:

I guess I am a man then--- It is me that is so loud.

Yep. This has always been me. Well, except when I was a teen in my room on the phone with a boy well past bedtime with the phone cord stretched as far as it would go which was about 3" past my closed bedroom door. Then, my voice was very quiet -- which I thought made me sound thoughtful and sexy. 😂

[KidsHappen]

Yeah, I currently have 3 families in my house, 6 adults and 2 children. It's me, my hubby, two of my dds and their SOs and two grandchildren. Only one person works out of the home. Luckily, we have the space and everyone in the household is an introvert so we are all trying to find our own quiet little corner. So far it seems to be working out ok. Until March 1st I had another one of my dds and her hubby and two children as well while they were waiting for their house to be built. It was a little more hectic then but still all introverts so most of the commotion came from all the grandchildren. But the two sets of grand kids really miss each other now because they were used to living together for quite awhile. When they were here we also had six cats total and one dog. We only have two cats, the dog and 1/3 less people so it seems practically peaceful here now. The only real difficulty is that I used to be a day sleeper but now I have to be up early to watch the grandchildren and I am having a really hard time adjusting.

[Selkie]

OP, you have my sympathies. I could feel my blood pressure rising just reading that! Our house is big and my three teens/young adults are pretty quiet and self sufficient. Dh works at home half the day, but his office is way down in the basement. The only ones following me around and being needy are my dogs, but I don't mind that!

[Sherry in OH]

1 hour ago, mommyoffive said:

I feel for anyone in a city that is living with kids in an apartment.  

 

I keep thinking about all those people in tiny houses.  I wouldn't like being confined to a space the size of a garden shed if I were alone, it would be many times worse with a family.  All movement would have to be coordinated.   

2 hours ago, Æthelthryth the Texan said:

Also, why is it that men have to be SO LOUD on phones?!? Not just your dh Princess Mommy- we are having the same issue here with the volume control. It makes me wonder what the people who have offices surrounding his at work think. 😂 

 

Dh is especially loud when he wears his headset.  My theory is that the headphones muffle the sound of his voice so he speaks more loudly to compensate.  This morning he was video conferencing in our family room.  It is at the opposite end of our house from our bedroom.  I was in the bedroom and could hear his side of the conversation perfectly.   

 

[Guest]

I’m sorry. I totally get it. 

I am also a total introvert and I love the schedule-is-cleared part of this, but the part where other people are “stuck” here, even if they are not happy about that, is hard! Dh drives me nuts and he’s not even here FT. I totally KWYM about talking loudly on the phone. Between that and the constant guitar-playing...my best recourse is to don my noise-cancelling headphones and play music loudly, but I of course couldn’t do that if I were caring for a baby and toddler. 

We are in a house that is really big and I do grumble about it (especially when my BGE bill comes; it looks like the national debt), but I *have* thought about my need for space and separation. Good Lord, an actual Tiny House would drive me straight out of my mind unless I could live in it totally alone.

[Guest]

Just now, Æthelthryth the Texan said:

Oh I forgot about the guitar. Oh bless you Quill. You are patient. 

You should order a Tamborine online and offer to play with him every time he picks it up. 😂

I swear, he would probably like it! 

The thing about the guitar is this: I am a very music-sensitive person. I don’t know if that’s a thing. But music is very distracting to me because I remember songs really well so in a way, every song is an ear-worm to me. It’s like I can’t tune it out or shut it off if I hear a song I know the tune and/or lyrics to. I even can’t listen to music if I’m also following driving directions because it just pulls my attention too much and I forget what turn/exit/road I’m looking for. 

[fairfarmhand]

9 minutes ago, Quill said:

I’m sorry. I totally get it. 

I am also a total introvert and I love the schedule-is-cleared part of this, but the part where other people are “stuck” here, even if they are not happy about that, is hard! Dh drives me nuts and he’s not even here FT. I totally KWYM about talking loudly on the phone. Between that and the constant guitar-playing...my best recourse is to don my noise-cancelling headphones and play music loudly, but I of course couldn’t do that if I were caring for a baby and toddler. 

We are in a house that is really big and I do grumble about it (especially when my BGE bill comes; it looks like the national debt), but I *have* thought about my need for space and separation. Good Lord, an actual Tiny House would drive me straight out of my mind unless I could live in it totally alone.

I've never been able to consider the "tiny house" thing for myself/my family. I'd lose my marbles totally and I know this about myself. I respect those who can do it, yay them, but I know without a doubt that I need to be able to withdraw for myself and for all those around me. It's not that I want a giant temple to my possessions. I look forward to owning empty closets when my kids move out.  But I need doors between me and my loved ones. I don't want to hoard things. It's not about the things. IT's about the space. 

You know in little house on the prairie where ma ingalls seems kinda uptight? I know why. She was not only dragged from pillar to post, but she was an introvert living in a 100 square foot house! Uptight would be the best I could do in her exact same position. 

 

[barnwife]

16 minutes ago, Æthelthryth the Texan said:

Also, sorry Princess Mommy I didn't mean to derail your thread. I am sitting in a room with SOMEONE ON A TELECONFERENCE RIGHT NOW and it is too early to drink wine. 

I submit that that rarely is true during a pandemic. 

Also, I dream of a tiny house...for me. I'd join my family in the main house from time to time. And when those "too early to drink wine" times, happened, I'd head over to my tiny house. Sounds like you need one too!

[fairfarmhand]

5 minutes ago, barnwife said:

I submit that that rarely is true during a pandemic. 

Also, I dream of a tiny house...for me. I'd join my family in the main house from time to time. And when those "too early to drink wine" times, happened, I'd head over to my tiny house. Sounds like you need one too!

This is what I am lobbying for.

 

[aggie96]

Ugh. I get to enjoy LOUD business-related calls (DH works from home full time anyhow so it NEVER goes away) and...DRUMS! Years ago, we bought an insanely expensive set of electric drums to replace the no-way-in-hell-am-I-living-with those-a-minute-longer acoustic drum set. So what do I get to listen to now? An electric drum set with an amp. Crazy, thumping loud drums and music despite the fact that headphones could be used for all of it. Grrrrrrr.... But at the end of the day, I would really like the loud phone calls and loud streaming between phones calls to end. At least the drums are 2-3 times per week. <eye roll>

Edited March 19, 2020 by aggie96

[BlsdMama]

Honestly? That sounds hard and I have nine kids at home.

The problem with having other adults around and then them having "off" time is that it makes you shockingly aware of how "on"  you are.  I really think you need to be proactive and address it before you explode? Or implode?

Any chance you can sit down and say, "Okay, so here's the new supper schedule? I have kiddos M-F, so those days are other people's who are living here.  DH gets Saturday and he can grill.  I get Sunday."  And then, if you don't, you need whatever you do to relax in your room for the evenings so you can "check out" a little.  Maybe it's a comfortable reading chair and a lamp or a tv or whatever, but you need a getaway space.  Does DH have an office or something he can use as an office? DH is working from home as of today and his "office" is our bedroom for now, but we still have "get away" space here.  

((Hugs))