40s and 50s/60s and 70s and desire for TeA in women

[Ginevra]

Bear with me and please let me keep my euphemisms. I’m curious about this. I’m going on 49 and am on Tamoxifen, which could play a role, though I don’t think it’s a significant aspect. 

So, while I was traveling with dd, we started a little evening ritual of watching Grace and Frankie episodes on Netflix. I like the show for the most part but one thing I find annoying - and even said this to dd - is that everyone, including the starring ladies, who are 70+, is constantly seeking...TeA. I’m in Season 2 now and Grace and Frankie plan to launch their, um, appliance, to “meet the specific needs of older women” while they enjoy TeA in solitude. Grace claims this is a wide-open market. Yeah, well I have a hunch I know *why* it’s an untapped market - because it’s not a realistic need of most 65+ women. 

At almost 49, my interest in a steaming hot cup of TeA, whether brewed together or alone, is way, way down. If I project an idea of my being 70 and finding myself single again, I think my dominant emotion about no longer having a TeA-brewing partner would be....relief. Thank God. Now I can finish this one more chapter of my riveting book in peace. 

I’m inclined to think that’s just Hollywood, with its never-ending emphasis on TeA. After all, BlancheDevereux on The Golden Girls was supposedly always looking for TeA or a sugar daddy or both. So, not really anything new except Netflix can have racier elements than network TV could. I think, biologically, once the primary purpose of TeA is overwith - no more babies - the body (female especially) slows down the signals to pursue a hot cuppa. Not to mention legit physical changes that take the shine off. 

Or maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I’m  the one who is abnormal. Maybe it is largely due to this medicine; loss of interest is a side-effect. But it was waning before cancer, too, so there’s that. 

I still share a cup with dh on a regular basis, but it’s pretty infrequent that I really want a steaming cup. If he didn’t expect it, I wouldn’t bother. I do still get to the, err, rolling boil, so it’s not lack of completion involved. And after the rolling boil, I do think, “Well. That was nice.” But when I’m thinking, “What shall we do this weekend,” that isn’t one of the things I eagerly await. 

So. If you’re willing to share, what do you think? Is the Grace and Frankie appliance for 65+ women a hot market clamoring for a product? Or is that just Hollywood? 

[regentrude]

Varies individually. Hormones have a lot to do with it. I know women in their 50s who have had zero desire for TeA  for a decade. But OTOH, a friend of mine in her 60s has been singing the praises of great TeA after menopause and how wonderful it is not to worry about pregnancy. 
The elderly have the highest STD rates, so obviously must be brewing quite a bit.

I could happily do without. My interest started waning after my 2nd child was born. When it happens, it's fine, but it's not something that makes the top of my list of things to do. 

Edited March 5, 2020 by regentrude

[Kassia]

1 hour ago, Quill said:

 

I still share a cup with dh on a regular basis, but it’s pretty infrequent that I really want a steaming cup. If he didn’t expect it, I wouldn’t bother. I do still get to the, err, rolling boil, so it’s not lack of completion involved. And after the rolling boil, I do think, “Well. That was nice.” But when I’m thinking, “What shall we do this weekend,” that isn’t one of the things I eagerly await. 

 

This is me.  I'm in my early 50s and in menopause now and my interest has been way way down for quite a while now.  I think my mother loved TeA, though.  I wish my drive were higher but I'm not interested in taking meds to make that happen.  

Edited March 5, 2020 by Kassia

[regentrude]

3 minutes ago, Kassia said:

 I wish my drive were higher but I'm not interested in taking meds to make that happen.  

I brought the topic up with my GYN, and she said there aren't really any meds that have the desired effect.

Edited March 5, 2020 by regentrude

[PrincessMommy]

I'm right there with you, Quill.   I see it as the natural part of aging.  Women are generally most interested when they are able to conceive and now, that we're winding down or past that phase, our bodies are responding appropriately.  Obviously, that is not the only reason for TeA, but it is a big motivator for our bodies, IMHO.     I just don't see the appliance being a hot market for the 60+   Sure, there's probably some women who enjoy a cup of TeA more than most, but I doubt it's even 50% of that demographic.   I wonder if Hollywood makes a big deal out of it because sex sells and it's mostly run by men, who are usually interested much longer than women.

[Scarlett]

Society in general is obsessed with sex IMO. Both of my husbands want TeA a lot......but I can tell Dh is slowing down a tiny bit.  Of course he just had major surgery so there is that.  Even with people who have a high drive, it still does not have to control and dictate people like everyone seems to think.  

[Scarlett]

1 minute ago, PrincessMommy said:

I'm right there with you, Quill.   I see it as the natural part of aging.  Women are generally most interested when they are able to conceive and now, that we're winding down or past that phase, our bodies are responding appropriately.  Obviously, that is not the only reason for TeA, but it is a big motivator for our bodies, IMHO.     I just don't see the appliance being a hot market for the 60+   Sure, there's probably some women who enjoy a cup of TeA more than most, but I doubt it's even 50% of that demographic.   I wonder if Hollywood makes a big deal out of it because sex sells and it's mostly run by men, who are usually interested much longer than women.

Yep. 

[Jentrovert]

I'm on the young side of the age group you're talking about (43), but my interest is definitely less than it used to be.

It also fluctuates perfectly in tune with hormones. The first (approx) 2 weeks of my cycle, I can fairly easily be inclined to brew, and achieve a rolling boil with little difficulty. After ovulation, I really have zero interest and have to force myself to participate. While I can achieve a rolling boil if I completely clear my mind, it is much harder and takes longer. With the lack of interest and difficulty combined, I often don't care enough to do so. (Dh is very patient and would stoke the fire till kingdom come; it's me that often decides to take the pot off the stove.)

Another thing that seems to affect it is my weight. A difference of just 10 lbs less than my highest weight makes me feel better overall. 

Also, I have hit this age at the same time as having kids. So I'm touched out and tired of people needing me by the end of the day. My kids require a great deal of me, and I am naturally an extreme introvert and low energy.

There are other reasons I am often less than eager, but they are tmi about dh. The things I listed above are the biggest. 

As of right now, if I were widowed, I would miss the closeness but not the act itself. I can't imagine that I will desire it more as I age, although of course I could be wrong. 

All that to say, I think it's individual but much overblown and that the media/society is just obsessed/it sells/etc.

[Selkie]

I listened to a podcast that touched on this topic awhile back. Women (of all ages) who have higher testosterone have more interest in TeA than women with lower amounts. Testosterone dwindles with age, so it makes sense that desire for TeA would dwindle, too.

[TheReader]

I have known people in that later age group who were still very interested (someone close to me, upon her 60th wedding anniversary, once answered the question of "Oh, what will y'all do to celebrate?" with "Well, I imagine reenact the honeymoon, for starters...."), BUT I think in that/those cases, it's a desire to express shared intimacy with a life partner.......not a desire for the rolling boil that would necessitate an appliance for self-brewing. 

I've also been (for a time) part of a Christian-based marriage forum that included discussion of all things TeA related (but in a modest setting), and the ages on the group varied widely, as did the interest levels of the members. Unbalanced levels of desire was a common topic.....across all ages/genders. So, very individual, for sure, but not totally unheard of even in the older population. 

Of course Hollywood is going to use the more exciting group/premise as their story line.....it's a lot more entertaining than a pair of 70 yr olds heading off to the quilting bee. (well, ha, I've seen some drama at those, too, but.....you get my meaning) 

 

[Jentrovert]

LOL Neither I nor dh has the fortitude for a daily cuppa anymore. We actually tried to do it for a month straight, a year or two ago. We made it a week, and then we both chose sleep instead. 🤣

[Joker]

Dh and I are in our mid 40s and enjoy tea a lot more now than we did in our 30s. But, we have one off at college, the other is following this fall, and dh now works from home. Dc's college is just an hour away so we still see them often. We're both just really enjoying it being the two of us at home again. I don't expect it to stay this way forever though. 

[HS Mom in NC]

I'm 46.  My interest is down significantly. I'm not turning down a cuppa when my husband is interested. I don't mind at all, I'm just not craving it.  I suspect there is a combination of factors that affect each person differently: desire for physical gratification, desire for emotional intimacy, hormones, demands of lifestyle, physical issues, underlying physical issues that will build up to symptoms soon, relationship dynamics, and body image issues at this stage of life.

I'm pleased to see more mature actresses wearing their wrinkles with pride instead of going under the knife for the distorted younger look.  I'm glad we have more body types represented positively these days, which is helpful to aging women appreciating their own changing bodies. I recently decided to stop coloring my hair and let some grey show. I wouldn't mind a head of silvery grey and/or white hair. I've changed my goal weight by 10 pounds because it's still in the healthy range and where I was at 25 is doable, but not worth the extra trouble it would take to maintain at my age.

I've been focusing on connection with my husband outside of TeA time more these days because empty nesting isn't so far away anymore. We're creating a food forest and ornamental garden together from the dirt up, so it's nice to have "our thing" we do together that isn't our kids. We travel to gardens and arboretums together for inspiration and watch gardening shows together. We have sci-fi shows we both enjoy too. Sometimes we read the same books and talk about them.  For example, our whole family (including adult children) recently read Spinning Silver by Novak on my husband's recommendation so we could talk about it.  I'll read The Expanse when the TV series is over. I've read a few other things he reads so we can talk about it.

[Guest]

10 minutes ago, Jentrovert said:

LOL Neither I nor dh has the fortitude for a daily cuppa anymore. We actually tried to do it for a month straight, a year or two ago. We made it a week, and then we both chose sleep instead. 🤣

We did a similar “project”. I had read the book “Just Do It,” in which a low-forties couple with little kids took up the challenge of daily tea for a year. I was fairly intrigued and that was my age category at the time, so we gave it a whirl. I do think we lasted beyond a month on this schedule, but I did soon think, “But why?” And that was that. 

[Guest]

1 hour ago, Jentrovert said:

With the lack of interest and difficulty combined, I often don't care enough to do so. (Dh is very patient and would stoke the fire till kingdom come; it's me that often decides to take the pot off the stove.)

Lol, thank you for that awesome description! 

[Jentrovert]

2 minutes ago, Quill said:

We did a similar “project”. I had read the book “Just Do It,” in which a low-forties couple with little kids took up the challenge of daily tea for a year. I was fairly intrigued and that was my age category at the time, so we gave it a whirl. I do think we lasted beyond a month on this schedule, but I did soon think, “But why?” And that was that. 

Oh my, I can't imagine a year. I admire your month. But, as you say, "Why?" By day 5 we were struggling to find the desire to sandwich it in between baths and the youngest crawling into our bed. THAT family closeness just felt more important.

[Lady Florida.]

I'll say it's individual but I'm in my early 60s and yeah, I'm over it. If anything happens to dh, though I do hope we'll continue to get old together, I won't look for someone else. I find the older woman always looking for TeA to be totally unrealistic. I think that's part of why I couldn't get into Grace and Frankie. I found the movie Book Club to be equally unrealistic. Companionship, yes. TeA, no.

FWIW, I'm the oldest in my close circle of friends. Most of the others are in their 50s though one is in her late 40s. Even she is at the tail end of desiring TeA. I do think part of it is biological. Men can father children all their lives and it's a natural instinct to try and do so, so their desire remains even after the ability to perform wanes. Women who can no longer produce offspring naturally lose the desire. I think it's part Hollywood and believe it or not, part patriarchy. Men want us to still want them and so advertising, run by mostly men, tells us we should. There are ways to "fix" lack of desire, "fix" physical changes that are a normal part of aging, in general fix everything because men can't fathom the idea that we might not want to have TeA with them.

Oh, and that close circle of friends I mentioned? Four of us have plans to be Golden Girls together and move in. At first we tried to figure out who was which character but then we decided we'll all be new characters by just being ourselves. We've never discussed remarrying if any of us find ourselves widows. We only talk about when we're older and living in a house together (I think the GGs were in their 50s so we're already passing them).

[Katy]

Anything is normal.  Being over it is normal.  Making sure couples in nursing homes are using condoms if they are casting a wide net is necessary for a reason though.  HIV infection is growing really fast among the elderly.  Having low to no drive is only a problem IF it's a problem for you, in which case you should ask a doctor about it.

[Scarlett]

24 minutes ago, Quill said:

We did a similar “project”. I had read the book “Just Do It,” in which a low-forties couple with little kids took up the challenge of daily tea for a year. I was fairly intrigued and that was my age category at the time, so we gave it a whirl. I do think we lasted beyond a month on this schedule, but I did soon think, “But why?” And that was that. 

 

18 minutes ago, Jentrovert said:

Oh my, I can't imagine a year. I admire your month. But, as you say, "Why?" By day 5 we were struggling to find the desire to sandwich it in between baths and the youngest crawling into our bed. THAT family closeness just felt more important.

LOL....you two are cracking me up.  I think the point of that exercise is to show how it brings a couple together....and the more the you do it---within reason---the more you want to do it.  But yeah, every single day past the honeymoon stage is just annoying.  

[Guest]

Quote

think it's part Hollywood and believe it or not, part patriarchy. Men want us to still want them and so advertising, run by mostly men, tells us we should. There are ways to "fix" lack of desire, "fix" physical changes that are a normal part of aging, in general fix everything because men can't fathom the idea that we might not want to have TeA with them.

Yeah, I think this, too. 

The only thing that bothers me about it is if/when dh takes it personally and I think he hears this narrative out there of it being a problem and fixable. 

[Lady Florida.]

1 minute ago, Quill said:

Yeah, I think this, too. 

The only thing that bothers me about it is if/when dh takes it personally and I think he hears this narrative out there of it being a problem and fixable. 

Yep. Been there.

[Scarlett]

1 minute ago, Quill said:

Yeah, I think this, too. 

The only thing that bothers me about it is if/when dh takes it personally and I think he hears this narrative out there of it being a problem and fixable. 

I think this is often what causes the most problems. 

[VaKim]

Mid 50s here and have not actually "craved" it since my early 20s. It was like this exciting drink I heard about, and once I tried it, I binged on it for a bit, then got tired of it. For good. It has simply been something I tolerate for the sake of my DH for pretty much our whole marriage. Sad, but true. Nothing I can do about it. Most women in my family and my friends circle are the same. It is just a boring, often bitter, drink that we choke down if we have to. 

[JustEm]

I find this fascinating and kind of a sad look into my future( I'm only 33.) But can I ask what people's desires were when they were still craving it? Because I know people in my age group who only crave it once or twice a month or people who don't ever really crave it but know that once they get started because their partner wants it they'll enjoy it thorough. I can completely envision them have no interest at a certain point.

But what about people who crave it daily or multiple times a week? I'm currently a little over two weeks out from my csection and the inability to brew a cup is really getting to me. I would brew in a heartbeat if I weren't still healing. And dh certainly isn't pushing it or even showing signs of missing it.

[regentrude]

53 minutes ago, Katy said:

 Having low to no drive is only a problem IF it's a problem for you, in which case you should ask a doctor about it.

Which for me was unhelpful, because doc flat out said there isn't anything she can prescribe.

[Katy]

9 minutes ago, regentrude said:

Which for me was unhelpful, because doc flat out said there isn't anything she can prescribe.

 

Some doctors will prescribe hormones, but if you have a history (personal or family) of cancer they may refuse.  Depending on the nature of what happened they may also recommend therapy.

[Scarlett]

29 minutes ago, hjffkj said:

I find this fascinating and kind of a sad look into my future( I'm only 33.) But can I ask what people's desires were when they were still craving it? Because I know people in my age group who only crave it once or twice a month or people who don't ever really crave it but know that once they get started because their partner wants it they'll enjoy it thorough. I can completely envision them have no interest at a certain point.

But what about people who crave it daily or multiple times a week? I'm currently a little over two weeks out from my csection and the inability to brew a cup is really getting to me. I would brew in a heartbeat if I weren't still healing. And dh certainly isn't pushing it or even showing signs of missing it.

I was probably like you at age 33.  Currently interested a couple times a week.....but the thing is if you don't crave it, you aren't really sad about it unless it upsets your dh.  

[Pawz4me]

The thirst I had disappeared completely around my mid-40's. I've developed multiple AI diseases that cause fatigue, so those may be partially to blame. But I think it's hormonal more than anything. Now I'm 57. If I find myself widowed not wanting to be bothered with drinking tea would be one of several reasons I'd likely never re-marry.

[TheReader]

36 minutes ago, hjffkj said:

I find this fascinating and kind of a sad look into my future( I'm only 33.) But can I ask what people's desires were when they were still craving it? Because I know people in my age group who only crave it once or twice a month or people who don't ever really crave it but know that once they get started because their partner wants it they'll enjoy it thorough. I can completely envision them have no interest at a certain point.

But what about people who crave it daily or multiple times a week? I'm currently a little over two weeks out from my csection and the inability to brew a cup is really getting to me. I would brew in a heartbeat if I weren't still healing. And dh certainly isn't pushing it or even showing signs of missing it.

I hadn't answered with my own cravings, because....private. But, I'm mid-40s, in perimenopause, and my cravings are still good. Certainly multiple times a week, and I can't imagine it declining. While I think things may perhaps slow down, this whole "I never really want it, don't think I'd seek it out ever..." baffles me as much as the reverse seems to baffle those in that camp. 

ETA: and, honestly, at 33, DH and I weren't in a great spot and my cravings now are more than then. For me it's very relational in conjunction with the physical. 

Edited March 5, 2020 by TheReader

[PrincessMommy]

7 minutes ago, Pawz4me said:

The thirst I had disappeared completely around my mid-40's. I've developed multiple AI diseases that cause fatigue, so those may be partially to blame. But I think it's hormonal more than anything. Now I'm 57. If I find myself widowed not wanting to be bothered with drinking tea would be one of several reasons I'd likely never re-marry.

this is me exactly.  

[PrincessMommy]

43 minutes ago, hjffkj said:

I find this fascinating and kind of a sad look into my future( I'm only 33.) But can I ask what people's desires were when they were still craving it? Because I know people in my age group who only crave it once or twice a month or people who don't ever really crave it but know that once they get started because their partner wants it they'll enjoy it thorough. I can completely envision them have no interest at a certain point.

But what about people who crave it daily or multiple times a week? I'm currently a little over two weeks out from my csection and the inability to brew a cup is really getting to me. I would brew in a heartbeat if I weren't still healing. And dh certainly isn't pushing it or even showing signs of missing it.

This does not describe me at all.   I was never overly interested in it more than 1x per week.   There were a few times when I wanted it more often, such as during the height of my fertility.  But, I've always wanted it less frequently than my dh.  It's become more of a problem now since I'm definitely way, way less interested.  My dh's interest has not waned at all - much to my consternation.  

[SKL]

Yeah, I think you are normal.  I am sure it varies but there is nothing strange about not being ... choose your adjective....  😛

[JustEm]

23 minutes ago, TheReader said:

I hadn't answered with my own cravings, because....private. But, I'm mid-40s, in perimenopause, and my cravings are still good. Certainly multiple times a week, and I can't imagine it declining. While I think things may perhaps slow down, this whole "I never really want it, don't think I'd seek it out ever..." baffles me as much as the reverse seems to baffle those in that camp. 

ETA: and, honestly, at 33, DH and I weren't in a great spot and my cravings now are more than then. For me it's very relational in conjunction with the physical. 

Yeah, what baffles me the most is the 'not seeking it out again if I could' camp. I certainly imagine that craving frequency will decline at some point but for that desire to just vanish seems so odd.

[Scarlett]

26 minutes ago, TheReader said:

I hadn't answered with my own cravings, because....private. But, I'm mid-40s, in perimenopause, and my cravings are still good. Certainly multiple times a week, and I can't imagine it declining. While I think things may perhaps slow down, this whole "I never really want it, don't think I'd seek it out ever..." baffles me as much as the reverse seems to baffle those in that camp. 

ETA: and, honestly, at 33, DH and I weren't in a great spot and my cravings now are more than then. For me it's very relational in conjunction with the physical. 

Absolutely.  I married dh when I was 45 and I definitely did not feel 45. 

[JustEm]

Just now, Arctic Mama said:

That’s more my boat.  I can’t actually imagine that going away significantly, but I’m also the higher drive individual in this relationship. That’s normal too, just less common among women.  

Dh and I are completely equal in our drive. It would be very different if one of just lost interest. Obviously, we'd manage but I can't imagine it happening.

[Scarlett]

3 minutes ago, hjffkj said:

Yeah, what baffles me the most is the 'not seeking it out again if I could' camp. I certainly imagine that craving frequency will decline at some point but for that desire to just vanish seems so odd.

I am about to be 55.....and If I were widowed tomorrow, I don't think I would ever want to get married again.  Almost positive.  And since my belief  is that TeA is only in marriage.....yeah, I would be making a conscious decision to never seek it out again.  But I don't think I would be one of the ones with zero desire. 

[leahtalbot96]

I'm in my early 20s and I cannot stand tea at all. I prefer water or the occasional cup of wine at weekends seriously! 

[JustEm]

1 minute ago, Scarlett said:

I am about to be 55.....and If I were widowed tomorrow, I don't think I would ever want to get married again.  Almost positive.  And since my belief  is that TeA is only in marriage.....yeah, I would be making a conscious decision to never seek it out again.  But I don't think I would be one of the ones with zero desire. 

That makes sense to me. I have the same belief and can envision a point I wouldn't want to remarry so would not seek it out

[Jentrovert]

28 minutes ago, hjffkj said:

Yeah, what baffles me the most is the 'not seeking it out again if I could' camp. I certainly imagine that craving frequency will decline at some point but for that desire to just vanish seems so odd.

For me, it's not exactly that I *never* have *any* desire. It's that I don't have a great *need* to fulfill the desire, even when I do have it. (As I mention, it fluctuates based on my cycle) So it wouldn't be that difficult to live without it.

Now, I would greatly miss the feeling of closeness that is being married. If I ever did remarry after being widowed, that would be the reason, not missing TeA. But I don't think even that would be enough to induce me to remarry.

One of the reasons I brew TeA, though, even when I don't really want to, is bc that is a large part of what makes dh feel close to *me. He talks and listens, even when it's not really his cup of tea (ha!) and I appreciate that. So I can do the same. And, unlike a pp, I don't find TeA to be a bitter drink (maybe more just bland). So it's not something onerous to me. 

[Jentrovert]

1 hour ago, hjffkj said:

I find this fascinating and kind of a sad look into my future( I'm only 33.) But can I ask what people's desires were when they were still craving it? Because I know people in my age group who only crave it once or twice a month or people who don't ever really crave it but know that once they get started because their partner wants it they'll enjoy it thorough. I can completely envision them have no interest at a certain point.

But what about people who crave it daily or multiple times a week? I'm currently a little over two weeks out from my csection and the inability to brew a cup is really getting to me. I would brew in a heartbeat if I weren't still healing. And dh certainly isn't pushing it or even showing signs of missing it.

At early thirties, 3-4x per week would have been perfect for me.

I would never have thought I could care so little as I do now.

[TheReader]

51 minutes ago, leahtalbot96 said:

I'm in my early 20s and I cannot stand tea at all. I prefer water or the occasional cup of wine at weekends seriously! 

In case no one has clarified....you're new to the forum so I'll clue you in (someone else will have to explain the origins, as I don't know that😞 TeA when spelled this way especially is a euphimism on this forum for intimacy (specifically s-xual intimacy). It's used because the forum is publically searchable, so rather than attract internet trolls by spelling out the actual word, a euphemism was created. 

[Lady Florida.]

19 minutes ago, Jentrovert said:

At early thirties, 3-4x per week would have been perfect for me.

I would never have thought I could care so little as I do now.

Yes to this. I could not have believed how much my desire would wane 25 years down the road.

[Momto6inIN]

Right there with ya Quill.

It's very hormonally related for me. I craved tea all the time when I was pregnant (after the puking stopped, especially, but sometimes even in those early months). And DH always can tell when I'm ovulating 😉 But with ovulations getting fewer and farther between, or like now when I'm nursing - nada.

I do still enjoy sharing a cup with DH once we get the pot brewing and I even ask him to imbibe with me every week or so because he's very considerate and would never want me to feel pressured and so he rarely suggests it. He basically tells me he's 24/7/365 perperually in a tea drinking mood and to let him know when I am similarly inclined and he'll drop everything and brew a pot up right quick lol

But the thought of brewing a cup all on my own without the benefit of sharing it with DH ... just ... never crosses my mind. Just ... why????

Edited March 5, 2020 by Momto6inIN

[DesertBlossom]

Years ago (and I don't remember why it came up) I said something to DH about not brewing tea as often when we were in our 70s and 80s and he was quite offended. Apparently he has high expectations. 😄

That being said, I think I have a higher drive than the average woman. I think he and I are pretty equally matched, but because he worries about being overbearing, he waits for me to initiate most of the time. 

Even now, when I'm nursing and it seems like the pot just refuses to boil, I still crave the physical closeness. Thank goodness for appliances that help get my pot boiling. 

[Carol in Cal.]

I'm 62, and, um, still pretty thirsty.  But I would not invest in mechanical assistance.  So I'm not really part of their target market.

Edited March 5, 2020 by Carol in Cal.

[Guest]

3 hours ago, hjffkj said:

I find this fascinating and kind of a sad look into my future( I'm only 33.) But can I ask what people's desires were when they were still craving it? Because I know people in my age group who only crave it once or twice a month or people who don't ever really crave it but know that once they get started because their partner wants it they'll enjoy it thorough. I can completely envision them have no interest at a certain point.

But what about people who crave it daily or multiple times a week? I'm currently a little over two weeks out from my csection and the inability to brew a cup is really getting to me. I would brew in a heartbeat if I weren't still healing. And dh certainly isn't pushing it or even showing signs of missing it.

I remember feeling that way in my twenties when we were talking about this at the law firm and a couple of the over-50 ladies were like, “I could go the rest of my life without and not be bothered.” And I was just like, “REALLY?!” I couldn’t imagine it. I was definitely multiple times a week at that time. Now I look back and think, “What was the big deal?” 

During the years I wanted babieeeezzzz! that was a big kickstarter to get the pot on the stove. The potential to create life really put the caffeine in my cup. Even as a fantasy narrative, this is still effective for me. But once I stopped wanting to create babies - and moreso when I began to strongly NOT want to create babies - it waned sharply. 

[Farrar]

Mid-40's. My thirst has gone up, not down, at least so far. No objections to the mechanical assistance mentioned.

I think the assumption that whatever you're experiencing must be the norm is a natural, but potentially... rude?... tendency on the part of everyone. It's all pretty normal and if you're experiencing it... it's normal.

[Guest]

1 hour ago, TheReader said:

In case no one has clarified....you're new to the forum so I'll clue you in (someone else will have to explain the origins, as I don't know that😞 TeA when spelled this way especially is a euphimism on this forum for intimacy (specifically s-xual intimacy). It's used because the forum is publically searchable, so rather than attract internet trolls by spelling out the actual word, a euphemism was created. 

The origins of the euphemism...oh, I remember it well. It was one of the Hive lore best moments. 

Basically, someone was asking about “appliances” and whether posters were willing to share if they use them in the marital bed. One poster, who I don’t think visits here anymore, said in her marriage it was a bit like “one of those instant hot water things.” And said, when they first got an instant hot water, they used it every day, all the time, make a cup of tea constantly. But they got bored with it after a while. Then, another poster who I don’t think comes here anymore was totally shook, “hold the phone! Are you saying some of you brew a steaming cup of hot tea *without* the hot water doohickey?! I thought that was a myth!” 

And so the ideal euphemism was born. 

Edited March 5, 2020 by Quill

[Joker]

N/m

Edited March 5, 2020 by Joker

[Farrar]

Also, forget Grace and Frankie... isn't this the whole plot of the entire series of The Golden Girls? Even Sophia was all on it, guys!