Thanks

[SKL]

PLEASE DO NOT QUOTE.

Thanks

Edited March 15, 2019 by SKL

[sassenach]

Call the principal, set up a meeting, ask for the teacher to be present. 

[LMD]

I would do some information gathering in a non confrontational way, to at least let the teacher know that you're keeping an eye on it iykwim.

I would probably start with sending an email (something in writing) to the principal cc-ing the teacher to find out more about this unofficial 'meeting' that two adult authority figures had with your child all alone. Something like, '(Your kid) told me about the meeting she had with you and teacher x on y date. So that I can best support her school experience at home, I would appreciate you filling me in on the content and context of this meeting.

Once you have an answer in writing, I would set up a meeting and take a witness.

As reported, I wouldn't be happy. But with 11 weeks left I'm not sure what your options are. Is it likely that this teacher will be teaching your child again? 

Some private schools (iirc your kiddos are at a private school?) Are infamous for 'managing out' kids they deem as difficult...

[LMD]

On the home front, it is very disempowering to a child to be treated like that. I'd probably spend time with the child coming up with an empowering game plan.  What are some things she can do to build a different reputation/stay away from trouble/have a positive effect on people etc. Knowing girls that age (I have one myself atm) the drama can easily suck them in!

[Jean in Newcastle]

Why are you allowing the teacher to verbally and emotionally abuse your child?  She is in a position of authority and she is abusing that position.  Yes - I feel very strongly about this.  I would absolutely raise a stink about this.  No "calling out" your child without you present. 

[readinmom]

I have told my own kids multiple times to call a parent if another teacher/admin gets involved.  Yes, your daughter did the reasonable thing.  Our motto is "if you see something, say something." Your daughter witnessed something, did the right thing.

The teacher has gone overboard by calling in another teacher to witness (because that is what it was for) and the principal.  I'm shocked that a principal would become involved in something like that without proper chain of authority.  This teacher is a real problem.  You have to call her on it.  

You need to:

1.  set up meeting

2.  have summary of what was said by your child and friend

3.  ask what the school's policy is on bullying (because your daughter was bullied/name called by an adult in position of authority)

4.  ask why your daughter is being excluded from the same rights that other students have (dismissal time)

4.  inform them that you plan on filing a complaint with the district office, will request a meeting with district personnel (if this is public school)

There is no way that something like this should happen in a classroom.  There is no way I would let my kid be disrespected like this.  An adult just told your child to lie.  

[Storygirl]

DD13 attends a private school and has been involved in some girl drama. The school does call the girls in to talk with counselors without notifying parents. I was slightly annoyed at this at first; however, I have gotten used to it, because the counselors seem to do a good job of mediating and helping the girls form strategies for working things out.

What you are describing is something different. Since there were other adult witnesses, I agree with emailing the principal to ask for the school's explanation of what happened as a first step. I would then request a meeting with the principal and teacher to discuss your concerns about what happened. I think it progressed to a point where you should have been notified, and the school should know that you are concerned and willing to be an advocate for your child. They are likely to present information to support the teacher's point of view. As a parent, I understand that my children may make mistakes and be at fault for some things, so I would be willing to listen to what the school's position is. However, I would be firm on communicating that it was handled incorrectly, and that the child does not deserve to be branded in a negative and ongoing way by the teacher. As a church associated school, there should be grace extended and the goal of restoration emphasized by all parties. Discipline measures should be discussed to ensure that they are appropriate. It doesn't sound like discipline was warranted at all in this case, unless there are details that have not been shared with you.

I don't think this is a situation that I would let pass over or hope that it would be worked out without your involvement.

Will this person be teaching your child next year, as well?

Edited March 7, 2019 by Storygirl

[Katy]

I agree, you need to talk to the principal.  This teacher clearly doesn't like your daughter.  This possibly has nothing to do with your daughter, she may just remind the teacher of someone who created drama for HER as a teenager.

I had something similar happen with my favorite teacher when I was that age.  She went so far over the line I called my mom, who called the principal.  No one believed me until another teacher confirmed my story.  Teacher was reprimanded and I've remained skeptical about the motives of some teachers ever since.  That one was clearly just trying to relive middle school.  I had a few others that were similar in high school and was very careful not to get very close to them. The teacher that confirmed my story is still a friend to this day.

Having said that, chances are that your DD will have someone like a boss dislike her in adult life.  As long as she can learn to not take other people's actions personally and to only control what she can control (herself and responsibility for her own actions) she might find this was a good, if frustrating, learning experience for her.

[Liz CA]

Just adding to all other comments that 7/8th grade is not too early to teach that nobody can make you do something (except if they hold a gun to you).  Ensuring your dd that she should never lie and stand by her convictions regardless of whom is trying to persuade her otherwise. This will be a little difficult at first because of the power differential but if she knows you will always support the truth in any situation, she may be more likely to feel like she can stand up for herself and say something like, "I am not going to lie. What I said is the truth and I am not changing the truth to a lie."

[J-rap]

Your dd is just in 7th grade.  I wouldn't hesitate for one minute to get involved as her parent and advocate, immediately.  

[MaBelle]

I'd go after that teacher like a mad dog.  Sounds like SHE is the drama queen.

 

[saw]

I would go ballistic. We had a slightly similar situation a few years ago, when we gently tried to inquire into a situation at DS's school (he was 8 I think). DS was complaining about another kid pestering him, so we asked the teacher for his views (very neutrally). The principal took it on herself to haul DS and the other kid into her office, interrogate them, and then email us that DS was a liar. The teacher had the unenviable job of backpedalling after I went nuts -- turns out DS was fidgeting in class, which annoyed the heck out of the other kid who is on the spectrum (don't get me started on the ethics of revealing that to us). So a simple problem easily solved by separating the boys, if it hadn't been for the headteacher's intervening. 

Anyway, I've stopped being nice to schools. In this case, I would email the principal, set out the story and ask for the school's side. I would then say, if my child's account is accurate and if xyz, then I will file an official complaint and if necessary pursue legal action. I might then be conciliatory and say, however, I'm sure there must be an alternate explanation and would like to hear it. I would also add that, until the situation is resolved, no one is to speak to your daughter alone about this without you present. I'd then ask for an immediate meeting. Generally I like my kids to fight their own battles, but I've also realised that it's important that they know I have their back.

Good luck and I hope this gets resolved quickly. 

[SKL]

I've calmed down a little. I am wondering if I should shoot an email to both the teacher and the guidance counselor (since GC was present for part of it), saying I heard something went down and would like to hear their perspective and discuss what I can do at home to help the situation. Should I add that both of my daughters were pretty upset when they came home from school?

ETA - should I also copy the principal, as he was also present for part of it?

How much is safe to say about my kid's feelings?

Edited March 7, 2019 by SKL

[Farrar]

So, do I understand this? She went as a witness to a complaint and ended up being accused of the complaint and banned from hanging out with the friend who was making it? Like, what the heck?

I think the idea that schools can't talk to kids about minor discipline issues without parents there is ludacris. Sorry, but if your kid is in school, you are relinquishing daily control and trusting the school to some extent. The work of getting the school to function would grind to a halt if parents had to be called for every single cut that out conversation.

But the way your dd is reporting the whole matter is completely absurd. I'd want to hear the other side. It really sounds like she's framing herself in the best light - the friend is hypersensitive, the teachers are singling her out, she never participates and just overhears. I mean, that could all be true. You know your kid. But just from a total outside perspective, I'd think there's more going on here. Either they mistreated her or she mistreated someone else - and either way, I'd want to get to the bottom of it. So yeah, email and ask for a sit down.

[SKL]

nm

Edited March 15, 2019 by SKL

[catz]

Well,  I'd be irritated with the teacher.  But I also found during middle school kids are sometimes selective with details.  Not intentionally so, but an incident between kids that maybe stuck out to teacher may be quickly forgotten by a kid in the throes of hormone fluctuations and brain growth.  Like if friend got detail X and reported it as XYZ, teacher may also be viewing it in the context of incidents A & B which may be long forgotten to a middle schooler.  I have been part of leadership at a tween/teen co-op and 2 different kids in this age range can report an incident completely differently but both feel they're being honest.  Sometimes a kid feels they're being targeted when they might not actually be so.  

 I'd want a conference with the teacher and principle where I would very specifically want to know what they feel the issue with my child is and I'd follow up with how your child reported it to you.  I wouldn't go out full throttle accusatory on the teacher but I'd want all the facts out in the table with the teacher and at least the principal as a moderator/witness.  I'd walk into it with the tone your child is upset and you just want to understand the backstory, and then you can move on the actual facts and act accordingly.  

Middle school ages are the worst!

[SKL]

18 hours ago, LMD said:

I would do some information gathering in a non confrontational way, to at least let the teacher know that you're keeping an eye on it iykwim.

I would probably start with sending an email (something in writing) to the principal cc-ing the teacher to find out more about this unofficial 'meeting' that two adult authority figures had with your child all alone. Something like, '(Your kid) told me about the meeting she had with you and teacher x on y date. So that I can best support her school experience at home, I would appreciate you filling me in on the content and context of this meeting. 

Once you have an answer in writing, I would set up a meeting and take a witness.

As reported, I wouldn't be happy. But with 11 weeks left I'm not sure what your options are. Is it likely that this teacher will be teaching your child again? 

Some private schools (iirc your kiddos are at a private school?) Are infamous for 'managing out' kids they deem as difficult...

Thank you - this is what I wrote.  Just sent it - gulp!  I addressed it to the main teacher and copied the 2nd teacher, principal, and guidance counselor.  (Unfortunately, the guidance counselor is only there on Wednesdays, so who knows when she will see it.)

This issue has taken up way too much of my mental power since yesterday.  Why can't we hit fast forward to about age 14??

[SKL]

nm

Edited March 15, 2019 by SKL

[Farrar]

Even if you assume that the teacher is telling the truth and didn't call your dd a liar, the whole thing seems completely bizarre. She banned your dd from hanging out with the friend she was trying to be an ally to? Why? For listening and not speaking up when other kids called the friend names or something? It makes no logical sense to me that she harped on your kid about this if the teacher and your dd agree about the basic facts of what happened. I assumed that the teacher was going to say there was more background somehow.

[SKL]

On 3/7/2019 at 4:34 PM, StellaM said:

 

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nm

Edited March 15, 2019 by SKL

[SKL]

On 3/7/2019 at 5:11 PM, Farrar said:

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nm

Edited March 15, 2019 by SKL

[SKL]

On 3/7/2019 at 5:28 PM, StellaM said:

 

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nm

Edited March 15, 2019 by SKL

[TechWife]

3 minutes ago, SKL said:

Yeah, they browbeat my kid until she incriminated herself (because what other choice did she have) - and now they can happily say "She admits she did wrong." Therefore they have the high ground, right?  How can the parents complain if the kid has admitted she did wrong?

I know others have warned you, but I'll just add in my own "Be careful with that teacher!"

That's an abusive pattern people in power often utilize - cornering and changing "reality" to suit their purposes, then blaming shifting.

[SKL]

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Edited March 15, 2019 by SKL

[SKL]

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Edited March 15, 2019 by SKL

[Annie G]

3 minutes ago, SKL said:

On a more general level - what do you think about a 12yo's ability to manage girl drama?  I feel like my 12yo is a little young for it, but maybe she is just immature?

I would note that the friend E is turning 14 this summer, so maybe that also plays into it.  Maybe it is a mismatch in maturity - where the younger doesn't really understand how the older is going to take things.  Just musing.

I think the real issue is the teacher’s inability to manage girl drama, not how your 12 year old handles it.   I really wonder what the teacher’s experience was when she was in middle school and how that impacts the way she handles it now. 

 

[Storygirl]

DD13 has been in the middle of a ton of girl drama at her school. The general picture we have is that DD is popular, and when she sits with one group of friends, the other gets jealous and gets pouty or nasty. At almost every parent teacher conference, I have brought this up and said, "I only hear DD's point of view, so please tell me if my pictures is wrong. I know she could be contributing to the drama." Every teacher has told me that DD is not an instigator. I still think that DD could do better to manage these perilous friendships. She is either BFFs or the target of girls constantly, but it switches all the time. Her enemies from last week are her BFFs this week. So her old BFFs are now pouty.

Sigh. The only thing I feel I can do is talk with her about how to be inclusive and friendly, so that it doesn't appear that she is blocking people out.

This drama is constant. DD is switching schools next year, and I'm hoping her new circle of friends will not have this dynamic.

[Wheres Toto]

28 minutes ago, Storygirl said:

DD13 has been in the middle of a ton of girl drama at her school. The general picture we have is that DD is popular, and when she sits with one group of friends, the other gets jealous and gets pouty or nasty. At almost every parent teacher conference, I have brought this up and said, "I only hear DD's point of view, so please tell me if my pictures is wrong. I know she could be contributing to the drama." Every teacher has told me that DD is not an instigator. I still think that DD could do better to manage these perilous friendships. She is either BFFs or the target of girls constantly, but it switches all the time. Her enemies from last week are her BFFs this week. So her old BFFs are now pouty.

Sigh. The only thing I feel I can do is talk with her about how to be inclusive and friendly, so that it doesn't appear that she is blocking people out.

This drama is constant. DD is switching schools next year, and I'm hoping her new circle of friends will not have this dynamic.

Not to be negative, but that behavior - friends one week, enemies the next - is extremely typical and common with tween/teen girls. 

My oldest was a popular kid, easy-going, never in trouble, had good friends.  She never had trouble with peers in school EXCEPT in middle school.  Middle school is the absolute worst.   

[Pen]

Does your daughter have friends who are not part of the drama?

 

Edited March 8, 2019 by Pen

[SKL]

1 hour ago, Pen said:

Does your daughter have friends who are not part of the drama?

 

Yes, as far as I know the majority of the kids (including most of my kid's friends) are not drama queens/kings.  My kid has a nice group of friends.

[SKL]

On 3/7/2019 at 5:53 PM, Annie G said:

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Edited March 15, 2019 by SKL

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

Having read the thread, I think if there is any lesson for your dd, it is to not repeat gossip.  I agree the suggestions are not very great.  

Teach your daughter to say, "I don't repeat gossip."  When her friend E asks, she must firmly and adamantly repeat that line.  Her friend will figure it out fast enough if she is firm and adamant.  And then, on an inner level, teach her not to "hear" gossip.  That is, teach her to work at curbing a natural curiosity towards the conversation of others.  I KNOW that is difficult, but it's a good lesson.  If she is not in the conversation, she does not need to be listening to it.  And if obnoxious girls are purposely speaking just loud enough to be overheard... then she needs to CHOOSE not to enter that game.  

Not looking forward to this stage!!!  

[Wheres Toto]

I agree, not very realistic. 

Maybe responding with something like "I wasn't really paying attention, what they are saying doesn't matter"  and then change the subject or suggest going to the library or something.  

[Bluegoat]

I think it's really hard for girls not to get caught up in gossip and power games at that age.  I'd say it is pretty typical for  12 year old to have a really hard time managing that kind of thing.

I found dd14 had kind of a revelation when she was about 13.5 about this stuff.  She still sometimes struggles to keep put of it when others are involved, but she has a much better sense of what is really going on and why it would really be better to stay out of it.  

[Storygirl]

DD17 had a very bad social situation at ballet, and it contributed to her decision to stop dancing. There was a group of girls who used to be DD's friends, but who turned against her and would say very mean and negative things behind her back. Another friend who would overhear these comments would then tell DD what was said, because she thought DD should know.

It was extremely hurtful. The friend was well meaning, I am sure, but unwittingly contributed to the damage. It would have been better for DD to not know what was being said about her secretly.

I think if there can be a lesson for your daughter in this about not repeating hurtful comments, even if someone asks. Practicing a stock phrase can be helpful. In addition to some of the other suggestions, she could practice saying something like, "I'm not going to get in the middle of this." And then change the subject to something positive.

She also would need to work on not listening to the comments. I've talked to my own younger daughter (the one I mentioned in previous posts) about this and have reminded her that she can choose to walk away and not listen. The teachers have commented that negative situations can ramp up when DD is listening in, and I think being the audience for negative talk can actually encourage the bad comments, even if the person does not participate.

DD13 is not great at these skills, and I hope over time that she will improve. It's hard for me as the parent, because I am not witnessing the actual incidents. I can only teach her ways to respond. It's hard to change one's natural responses in these kind of situations.

It's a tricky social lesson and difficult to learn as a young teen. Although I don't agree with how the teacher handled it, I actually do agree with her suggestion about what could be learned about how to do things better.

[Bluegoat]

Not repeating what people say - yes to this.

I's really hard for kids to learn, and not always easy to do, but I think its a good life lesson in a lot of ways, and will pay off.  

[SKL]

I like the idea of teaching her not to hear things.

My kid has always been extremely aware of and interested in those around her.  I am not sure if she can turn it off, but I will try to discuss it with her this weekend.

[Storygirl]

11 minutes ago, SKL said:

 

My kid has always been extremely aware of and interested in those around her.  I am not sure if she can turn it off, but I will try to discuss it with her this weekend.

Yes, DD13 is that way, as well.

[Annie G]

8 hours ago, SKL said:

She has an 8th grade daughter, so she uses her as an example ... today I asked her, how would she advise a 12yo to respond if a friend asked "what were they saying" and the truth was "they were talking about you"?  She said "I would tell my daughter, why would you repeat something that you know would hurt your friend?"  I said, OK but if the friend asked, she has to say something.  "Well I would tell my daughter to respond, 'I think things are going to be better going forward.'"  To me that doesn't sound very realistic at all.

If the other kids were talking trash about the friend, how is it truthful to say that things are going to be better going forward? I don’t see how her advice is helpful at all.  I think a better response is something along the lines of ‘she was being mean and I don’t even listen to her when she’s like that.’  And if friend presses, it’s good policy to say you don’t repeat gossip because it just helps spread it and doesn’t help the situation. 

I am SO glad to be well beyond that phase. It was way worse than terrible twos. 

[SKL]

On 3/8/2019 at 9:26 AM, Annie G said:

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Edited March 15, 2019 by SKL

[EKS]

On 3/7/2019 at 6:06 AM, Farrar said:

But the way your dd is reporting the whole matter is completely absurd. I'd want to hear the other side. 

This.  The story as described in the OP doesn't make any sense, which to me indicates that there are key details that have been omitted or massaged.  

I would ask to have a meeting with the appropriate adults, but I would not say anything about your daughter's side of the story.  If the adults' version is more coherent, I'd believe that.

Also, regarding being called a "liar."  Is it possible that the teacher said something like "I am finding that hard to believe"?

And finally, I went to a private girls school for 7th, 8th, and 9th.  There was tons of girl drama and not once did any of the teachers or administrators get involved.  We survived just fine.

Edited March 8, 2019 by EKS

[SKL]

On 3/8/2019 at 9:35 AM, EKS said:

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Edited March 15, 2019 by SKL

[Farrar]

One of my boys had what I would term "girl drama" at ballet. Just a very toxic, gossipy environment with lots of "two faced" behavior and changing alliances (I'm a former middle school teacher and I was genuinely floored - I'd never seen boys in a group act quite like this - boy drama is usually different in my experience). The only thing that helped in the end was getting him experiences that were really different and getting him to compare the two. What made this group more enjoyable? How does everyone treat each other in this group vs that one? And so on. Because when he was in the middle of it, he couldn't see that it was toxic. He just couldn't.

My experience on the teaching end... and now I'm thinking about a year with especially bad girl drama when I was the dean of students at a small school... is that the vast majority of the time, it's not malicious at all. It's rooted in the girls' own insecurities and lack of social awareness. I can't remember how many times I talked to girls who thought their gossip was "helpful." Like, we're trying to strategize and figure out how to stop her from being so annoying. Oy. Like, no. But they genuinely think they are. They don't get how hurtful and cruel it is because they're just so young.

I remember I had to sit down with one girl and have a very explicit conversation about why it was rude for her to talk about a party where she had invited every girl in her class except for one of them in front of the girl she didn't invite. She had genuinely never thought about it. And I'm sitting there thinking, seriously? Come on, how obvious is this! You're nearly 13! But, no, she really hadn't. Because they're so mature in some ways and still so ignorant in others. Teaching this stuff has to be very explicit sometimes. She tried to invite the excluded girl to the next party... and her mother got involved, nixed it because they "didn't have enough space", and said I had forced her. Sigh. I was like, look, I specifically told her she doesn't have to invite this girl, just to be aware of how rude it is when you have a long conversation about a gathering you didn't invite her to in front of her at lunch. Sometimes the moms have just as much stake in the drama.

[Bluegoat]

41 minutes ago, Farrar said:

One of my boys had what I would term "girl drama" at ballet. Just a very toxic, gossipy environment with lots of "two faced" behavior and changing alliances (I'm a former middle school teacher and I was genuinely floored - I'd never seen boys in a group act quite like this - boy drama is usually different in my experience). The only thing that helped in the end was getting him experiences that were really different and getting him to compare the two. What made this group more enjoyable? How does everyone treat each other in this group vs that one? And so on. Because when he was in the middle of it, he couldn't see that it was toxic. He just couldn't.

My experience on the teaching end... and now I'm thinking about a year with especially bad girl drama when I was the dean of students at a small school... is that the vast majority of the time, it's not malicious at all. It's rooted in the girls' own insecurities and lack of social awareness. I can't remember how many times I talked to girls who thought their gossip was "helpful." Like, we're trying to strategize and figure out how to stop her from being so annoying. Oy. Like, no. But they genuinely think they are. They don't get how hurtful and cruel it is because they're just so young.

I remember I had to sit down with one girl and have a very explicit conversation about why it was rude for her to talk about a party where she had invited every girl in her class except for one of them in front of the girl she didn't invite. She had genuinely never thought about it. And I'm sitting there thinking, seriously? Come on, how obvious is this! You're nearly 13! But, no, she really hadn't. Because they're so mature in some ways and still so ignorant in others. Teaching this stuff has to be very explicit sometimes. She tried to invite the excluded girl to the next party... and her mother got involved, nixed it because they "didn't have enough space", and said I had forced her. Sigh. I was like, look, I specifically told her she doesn't have to invite this girl, just to be aware of how rude it is when you have a long conversation about a gathering you didn't invite her to in front of her at lunch. Sometimes the moms have just as much stake in the drama.

 

Oh, gosh, I find this with dd.  Or, they think that they are hashing out the psychology of the situation among themselves and this is healthy.  

I do however think that well at one level they can absolutely believe those things, at another there is a kind of pleasure in what is gossip, or in the drama, that is a motivator.  I've found it useful to tell dd that most of the time, if you are feeling that kind of satisfaction, you might just as well not be talking about the thing.  It's not analysis, it really is mean gossip.

I also find that if one of the kinds is a little more psychologically astute and cares to, it can really lead the others down a bit of a black hole.

[Farrar]

1 minute ago, Bluegoat said:

 

Oh, gosh, I find this with dd.  Or, they think that they are hashing out the psychology of the situation among themselves and this is healthy.  

I do however think that well at one level they can absolutely believe those things, at another there is a kind of pleasure in what is gossip, or in the drama, that is a motivator.  I've found it useful to tell dd that most of the time, if you are feeling that kind of satisfaction, you might just as well not be talking about the thing.  It's not analysis, it really is mean gossip.

I also find that if one of the kinds is a little more psychologically astute and cares to, it can really lead the others down a bit of a black hole.

Yes. Absolutely. That's it exactly. They have this new level of awareness of the psychology of situations and they want to process it and think this is a positive thing. Which, in some ways it could be. But like you say, they still are often getting a sort of schadenfreude joy from it as well, which is distinctly unhealthy. Some kids really way too much pleasure from it - I can remember that from my own childhood, honestly - the kids who just kept the gossip going and going and fed off the drama of it. And they were great at creating more of it while still often being the victims or being totally innocent somehow. I think because they didn't fully realize they were doing it. Plus, there's the harm that gossip does to the kid being gossiped about.

I think for me, the key thing is to remember that they're not evil masterminds, they're just 13, and to try to approach the whole thing from that perspective. In the case of SKL's dd, it seems like she's trying hard to be even handed... but the teacher thinks that someone is maliciously creating the drama. It just happens because they don't know what they're doing and need gentle, understanding guidance. No one - not SKL's dd or her friend or even the gossips - are likely to be the manipulating masterminds out to destroy everyone's friendships and goodwill. Which isn't to say that sometimes there shouldn't be punitive consequences and boundaries drawn, just that going in and looking for "the liar" or "the instigator" like this teacher was doing is unlikely to really help.

[SereneHome]

This is just my gut reaction, bc I've never dealt with schools  in US neither as a student or a parent.

I would not call the principal just yet.  I would ask for a meeting with that teacher, have your DD and possibly E present and ask the teacher to tell YOU what she has said to your DD in regards to this situation. 

If teacher's recount matches what your DD said, then I would go to the principal.  If teacher's recount doesn't match with what your DD told you, then I would put it on the teacher to find a solution.  Bc if the teacher gets herself involved into the "girl drama", then she should be the leader in finding the solution.

Oh and i don't know if I am just generally paranoid person or corporate culture of my jobs trained me to CYS - I would record the conversation.

[Katy]

24 minutes ago, SereneHome said:

This is just my gut reaction, bc I've never dealt with schools  in US neither as a student or a parent.

I would not call the principal just yet.  I would ask for a meeting with that teacher, have your DD and possibly E present and ask the teacher to tell YOU what she has said to your DD in regards to this situation. 

If teacher's recount matches what your DD said, then I would go to the principal.  If teacher's recount doesn't match with what your DD told you, then I would put it on the teacher to find a solution.  Bc if the teacher gets herself involved into the "girl drama", then she should be the leader in finding the solution.

Oh and i don't know if I am just generally paranoid person or corporate culture of my jobs trained me to CYS - I would record the conversation.

 

Ha, make sure you're in a state where that is allowed.  There was a case in Illinois last year where a teenager was afraid and felt he was being ambushed in an abusive way from a school principal.  He recorded the conversation on his phone.  He was then charged with whatever felony Illinois called that.  I have no idea if it was dropped after the situation hit Good Morning America, but it isn't legal everywhere to record anything without everyone knowing.