Empaths, what does this mean?

[Xahm]

I often see people online refer to themselves or their children as "empaths." When I first saw this, I assumed it referred to those who were naturally very empathetic, noticing people's emotions perhaps too easily, but the more I see it, the more I think they are referring to something more. Are these people likely referring to a kind of esp? I don't want to offend, but I can't remember ever hearing this term used by people in my real-life circle and am very curious whether it's a difference in terminology or in how we understand the world.

[Bluegoat]

I think it is supposed to mean very empathic in the normal sense but with kind of a new age spiritualism twist.

[fairfarmhand]

I think it refers to those who deeply sense the emotional state of others.

I think I am one.

My dh can come home from work in a mood and I just can't escape the ick feeling. I want it to go away.

Certain people suck me dry because they're so intense. I have a hard time stepping away from the feelings of others and having their emotional states affect me. It's fine if they're happy, but sadness, discouragement, anger, and frustration suck me in. It's exhausting. 

[fairfarmhand]

This is more what I think of. 

https://drjudithorloff.com/top-10-traits-of-an-empath/

 

Not really woo woo....just being super attuned to the feelings of others. Certain ones of my kids, those who are extremely talkative and have the BIG feels....they wipe me out.

We had a family emergency this winter and I was wiped out for days. (big huge emotional blow ups...etc.) 

And I experience physical symptoms from the emotional problems of others. I'm learning to turn it off. But it's really hard.

[hippiemamato3]

5 minutes ago, Thatboyofmine said:

I thought it was someone who feels the spirit of others, including the dead.  I think I must be way off though, judging by the responses.  I’m off to google.

It does mean to feel the spirit of others (mood, etc) but I don't think it has anything to do with the dead. It's a terrible burden in a lot of ways. 

 

[fairfarmhand]

1 minute ago, Seasider too said:

Hmm. Star Trek. 

Who was that? Deena of Troy...Was that her?

[fairfarmhand]

Just now, Seasider too said:

 

Yes, sorry, couldn’t resist, it was the first thing that came to mind!

I haven’t heard that term really used, however, there’s a lot of chatter these days about emotional intelligence, perhaps it’s used in that context. 

I always liked her...

[moonflower]

I don't know that I see other people's emotions more clearly than average, but I am very susceptible to them.  This made me something of a teacher's pet in school (because having anyone disappointed in me or even disappointed with something else affected me severely and I avoided it at all costs).

I do not like it.  I think it makes me more unstable and actually somewhat less helpful as an adult; I often cannot bring people close to me out of bad moods because I am so taken over by the bad mood and become morose myself.

[Rosie_0801]

I don't understand claiming one's child is an empath. 
Perhaps they mean they think their child has a higher than average emotional intelligence, or maybe it's a pretty way of saying they're particularly obedient, or an excuse for not being? Since most empaths I know have suffered trauma and have autoimmune diseases, it's not something I'd wish on my kids.

Some empaths can feel ghosties. My friend has some who follow her when she moves house.

[Mrs. Tharp]

I agree with fairfarmhand's definition. I think I am one as well. I am acutely aware of other people's emotions and it can take me days to shake off someone else's intense feelings. I tend to avoid intense/dramatic people whenever possible because I am so easily drained. I would change this about myself if I could. 

[KungFuPanda]

I think they still mean that their child can pick up, and actually feel, the moods of other people like they’re a real, physical thing in the room. This isn’t an unusual or rare ability, but I do think it’s somehow being rebranded to explain extreme behaviors, or lack of coping skills, in an empathic child. 

I don’t think they mean ESP or the ability to talk to the dead, but they do sometimes talk about it with that same woo woo tone. 

[fairfarmhand]

For me, it’s sometimde handy in that I get that something is off about somebody. My 17 yo can have a bad day and I spot it as soon as she comes in. It’s good because she’s a feeling hider and I can help her talkvthrough things. But she processes things pretty well with me and she’s not an angry dramatic person in general. My dh doesn’t want to talk or process, he just wants to stomp around and mutter. So I have to have physical space from him until he’s worked out his stuff. 

...I sense a disturbance in the force...

ive been working on talking myself through the feelings. “These feelings and reactions are not your s to manage. “ and I meditate/pray/exercise to ease the feelings when they overwhelm me.

i will say the biggest struggle is that I hate negativity so much that I’ll give in just to avoid a fuss which leaves me feeling resentful. 

[Rosie_0801]

2 hours ago, KungFuPanda said:

I think they still mean that their child can pick up, and actually feel, the moods of other people like they’re a real, physical thing in the room. 

 

It's pretty freaky when it mixes with my synesthesia, so I can see them too.
That only happens with one person though, thank goodness, and they are easily avoided.

[moonflower]

How did you train yourself out of it?  feel free to ignore if too personal.  It is probably the most difficult aspect of my personality, except maaaybe poor EF, but I've got decent coping strategies for the EF and let's just say that my coping strategies for lack of emotional boundaries are not things you'd wish on anyone.

[Ausmumof3]

To me it’s less about being able to read other peoples emotions well and more about having a hard time separating yourself from them.  It makes you somewhat less competent to deal with someone else’s emotional crises because it brings on one of your own making it different to offer the appropriate comfort or help.  

I didn’t used to be like this but at some point I became a bit this way.  I know one person who is extremely like it but she had an abusive childhood so I think it’s a defence mechanism. 

[moonflower]

For the record I had the least abusive childhood you can imagine.  Lonely but not in the least abusive.

[Rosie_0801]

25 minutes ago, moonflower said:

For the record I had the least abusive childhood you can imagine.  Lonely but not in the least abusive.

 

I think loneliness causes similar scars.

[Tap]

There are some people who claim to be empaths, who feel they are clairvoyant. My sister is one and was part of a large group of similar people. She claims to be able to use cards to read people's lives and tell them details about themselves. She used to be paid very, very well by people who asked her to do readings for them. 

She wholeheartedly believes she is clairvoyant.  She has done readings for me before (for fun on my part) and says I am very non-vocal during a reading compared to most people. She says I am hard for her to read because of it. LOL Which makes me think that a lot of what she feels she 'reads' on people is actually, just her using what they say, to guide a conversation of predictions. I find her predictions to be very vague. stereotypical and non-committal.  Everything she was actually specific about regarding me, never came true.  

For a while she tried to get me to join her in her endeavors, insisting I was also very gifted. That is when I found out how much she was charging people for her 'gift'  (oh, sorry, accept donations-insert eye roll).  I have to say, that was the oddest conversation to have with someone. For someone to insist you are very gifted in something, that you know you are not. LOL I was like 'wow, thank you...but no. Sorry, not happening." Haha. I'm not going to charge people a couple of hundred dollars to use a deck of cards to try to randomly predict someone's future. LOL  I think that was the last time she did a reading for me, and when she offered after that, I turned her down. Before that, it was just silly fun. Once she tried to get me in on it, I was done. 

 

Edited February 19, 2019 by Tap

[Condessa]

I get the feeling people are using the term very differently from one another on this thread.

Some seem to be using the term as I would “empathetic”, and I very much identify myself with what those folks are describing.

But some seem to be describing something at least a little related to how I would use the term “empath”—except that what pops into my mind is fiction, Deanna Troy and Ann McCaffrey’s Pegasus series.

[maize]

Biologically, this may be explained by an especially active mirror neuron system. Mirror neurons in our brains fire when we observe someone else doing or feeling something--just as if we were doing or feeling that thing ourselves. And yes it is profoundly uncomfortable when we are picking up on the negative emotions of someone close to us. 

[Rosie_0801]

1 hour ago, maize said:

Biologically, this may be explained by an especially active mirror neuron system. Mirror neurons in our brains fire when we observe someone else doing or feeling something--just as if we were doing or feeling that thing ourselves. And yes it is profoundly uncomfortable when we are picking up on the negative emotions of someone close to us. 

 

Does this explain why it can be so much stronger with some people than others? I know nothing about active mirror neuron systems.
The strongest I get isn't even from the people I know best.

[maize]

4 minutes ago, Rosie_0801 said:

�

Does this explain why it can be so much stronger with some people than others? I know nothing about active mirror neuron systems.
The strongest I get isn't even from the people I know best.

Interesting question. I think it would be possible for our brains to respond more strongly to some people than others, for reasons of their own...

Looking beyond biology, I do personally believe that humans have spirits as well as bodies and that we can have a spiritual awareness and recognition of others. That however is beyond the realm of scientific investigation...

[Storygirl]

1 hour ago, maize said:

Biologically, this may be explained by an especially active mirror neuron system. Mirror neurons in our brains fire when we observe someone else doing or feeling something--just as if we were doing or feeling that thing ourselves. And yes it is profoundly uncomfortable when we are picking up on the negative emotions of someone close to us. 

Interesting. I have never used the term "empath" for myself, but I am hypersensitive and relate to many of the descriptions offered in this thread. I agree that it hinders me. I can't say that I feel others' emotions exactly; it is more that they affect me deeply and often throw me off course.

But the mirror neuron system idea is really interesting. I've always said that I have "sympathetic pain" when someone nearby gets hurt. I have a hard time looking at injuries and will clench up and suck in my breath and clamp my hand over my own arm or knee or whatever, in sympathy. I turn away, as a kind of self protection. I have always worried about how I would deal with it if one of my children were seriously injured, and I was the only person to handle it. For minor injuries, I tend to get steely and bossy and "why did you do that" instead of offering comfort, I'm sad to say, and I think that is self-protective also. A way of turning away emotionally. I dislike this about myself.

My mother, aunt, grandmother, and many extended cousins were all nurses. My mom always wanted me not to be a nurse, but a doctor. No no no. To me, that sounded like a horrible, horrible career. She didn't understand that.

Edited February 19, 2019 by Storygirl

[Storygirl]

And I was very lonely as a child, also. It's interesting to think that there might be a connection.

[fairfarmhand]

1 minute ago, Storygirl said:

Interesting. I have never used the term "empath" for myself, but I am hypersensitive and relate to many of the descriptions offered in this thread. I agree that it hinders me. I can't say that I feel others emotions exactly; it is more that they affect me deeply and often throw me off course.

But the mirror neuron system idea is really interesting. I've always said that I have "sympathetic pain" when someone nearby gets hurt. I have a hard time looking at injuries and will clench up and suck in my breath and clamp my hand over my own arm or knee or whatever, in sympathy. I turn away, as a kind of self protection. I have always worried about how I would deal with it if one of my children was seriously injured, and I was the only person to handle it. For minor injuries, I tend to get steely and bossy and "why did you do that" instead of offering comfort, I'm sad to say, and I think that is self-protective also. A way of turning away emotionally. I dislike this about myself.

My mother, aunt, grandmother, and many extended cousins were all nurses. My mom always wanted me not to be a nurse, but a doctor. No no no. To me, that sounded like a horrible, horrible career. She didn't understand that.

Yes! I do this too. And there’s no way I could be a medical professional. I guess it’s frowned upon to cry with the child you’re giving an injection to.

i choose friends very carefully and I often hold people at arms length. 

I avoid nursing homes and funerals when I can. Also hospitals are hard.

[fairfarmhand]

2 minutes ago, Storygirl said:

And I was very lonely as a child, also. It's interesting to think that there might be a connection.

Me too

[ktgrok]

2 hours ago, maize said:

Biologically, this may be explained by an especially active mirror neuron system. Mirror neurons in our brains fire when we observe someone else doing or feeling something--just as if we were doing or feeling that thing ourselves. And yes it is profoundly uncomfortable when we are picking up on the negative emotions of someone close to us. 

I do think this can come into play maybe...for instance I CAN NOT watch scenes with pain/toruture on tv because I feel it too strongly. I almost passed out in high school when we watched a documentary about ants and they were swarming over a lizard and biting it. And I had to walk out of the theater during the torture scene in Bravehart. I also had to stop watching the show 24 for similar reasons...I noted that I was sweating, pulse pounding, etc from the tension on the show. But I don't think mirror neurons explain all of it. 

25 minutes ago, fairfarmhand said:

Yes! I do this too. And there’s no way I could be a medical professional. I guess it’s frowned upon to cry with the child you’re giving an injection to.

i choose friends very carefully and I often hold people at arms length. 

I avoid nursing homes and funerals when I can. Also hospitals are hard.

I can turn it off during a crisis, but the nursing home things...man. I swear I can FEEL all the sadness, resignation, etc as soon as I walk in. 

Weirdest of all? Thrift stores do the same thing to me! I cannot explain that, but it is almost like all the clothes retain memories or emotions and there are so many clothes from so many different people that it is just overwhelming. I don't shop thrift stores because of this, despite appreciating the earth friendly aspects of  second hand items. The few times I've gone I stand there with my arms crossed over my chest just waiting to run out. 

Malls are also hard, not sure if that is all the people/emotions or just the sensory overload though. With thrift stores I could be the only person there and would still feel...whatever it is I feel. 

[Garga]

I can easily see the emotions of others.  Like others have said, a family member can walk in the house and I can tell immediately if something is off. 

However, I don’t take those emotions in to me, other than realizing that now I’ll have to help that person deal with whatever is wrong (since they’re a family member.). I don’t seem to take on their emotions, but more gird myself up for walking them through something.

With friends, I can also see their feelings, but again don’t take them on for myself.  There’s not as much girding, because there’s a different level of helping your friend vs helping your teenager.  It’s more hands off with friends and hands on with your kids or husband.  

I also don’t react emotionally very quickly.  When someone upsetting happens, it usually simmers in the back of my brain for a bit, and then finally boils over after some time has passed—hours or days.

So, I would say I’m sympathetic.  

I have a friend who says she’s an empath.  She also can easily see the emotions of others, but like other people have said on this thread, she feels them. Strongly.  Right away.  At first, she would say, “Well, you and I are empaths,” but that’s not true.  She is.  I just am able to detect, but not take in, the emotions of others. 

It’s good for her to be friends with me, actually.  She has walked through some difficult things and talks to me about them.  I’m able to understand what she’s feeling, but I don’t take on her emotions.  It tends to help her work through things to have someone to talk to who “gets it”, but doesn’t fall into her emotions with her.  When she’s trying to get out of a depression, she needs someone to give her a little hand up, and not fall down into the hole with her.  

And I love her.  She is a balm to my soul.  She gets me the same way I get her in a way that other people don’t. I have another friend a lot like her.  They’re such gentle people and so caring.  They are safe to be around because they won’t inadvertently stomp all over you emotionally.  Friendship with empaths is a blessing.

Edited February 19, 2019 by Garga

[KungFuPanda]

I’m so sad for all these lonely children. 😟 Childhood never feels short when you’re in it. That must have been awful. 

I also think thrift stores feel really icky. I think they’re an excellent idea and a good use of resources and that I SHOULD shop there more, but it’s not always worth the dip in mood to go there. For me it’s  more like being in a hoarder’s space than any sort of memories-attached-to-clothing thing. 

[lavender's green]

I get the thrift store thing too. I love a deal, especially with kids who are hard on clothes and grow at alarming rates, but man...sometimes it's not worth it.

The worst was when I was 8 months pregnant with my last kid. I wanted to buy the older kids a play kitchen, to have something new and fun to do while I took care of the new baby. Couldn't find any free online, so I went to Once Upon a Child (where I do shop occasionally). I was so emotionally sick I almost threw up. I guess the hormones took my normal thrift store feeling of being crushed and made it unbearable. In the end I decided to shell out for a new one.

OTOH, one of my favorite cheap dates is to wander around antique stores with DH. I only get that feeling in the stalls where things are obviously more personal. Blankets, dresses, wigs, baby dolls. But I could look at old china, crystal, silver, and chandeliers all day.

[Pen]

Nm

Edited February 19, 2019 by Pen

[ktgrok]

1 hour ago, lavender's green said:

I get the thrift store thing too. I love a deal, especially with kids who are hard on clothes and grow at alarming rates, but man...sometimes it's not worth it.

The worst was when I was 8 months pregnant with my last kid. I wanted to buy the older kids a play kitchen, to have something new and fun to do while I took care of the new baby. Couldn't find any free online, so I went to Once Upon a Child (where I do shop occasionally). I was so emotionally sick I almost threw up. I guess the hormones took my normal thrift store feeling of being crushed and made it unbearable. In the end I decided to shell out for a new one.

OTOH, one of my favorite cheap dates is to wander around antique stores with DH. I only get that feeling in the stalls where things are obviously more personal. Blankets, dresses, wigs, baby dolls. But I could look at old china, crystal, silver, and chandeliers all day.

Exactly the same!!! I wonder sometimes if the hard non porus materials of glass/silver/etc don't hold the same energy as the soft fabric stuff?? Couches give me the weird feeling too, but not hutches and tables, usually. 

[Catwoman]

The thing I find most interesting is that almost everyone seems to identify themselves as an empath once they find out the definition. 

It’s like people want to feel like they are special in that way. So either people are vastly overestimating their abilities and gifts, or this whole empath thing is incredibly common.

[moonflower]

I have no problem with thrift stores; objects and houses and etc. don't hold emotional significance for me.  I don't have problems with blood or injuries of other people and am actually pretty calm in those situations.  I would make a poor nurse, though, as I am susceptible to other people's interpretation of events and tend to take them 100% at their word, which I feel like would be detrimental in healthcare where you need some objectivity.

I can't watch torture scenes in movies but who can?

I don't sense ghosts or in fact believe in ghosts.

I don't see my susceptibility to other people's emotions or POV as either an ability or a gift.  I don't know that it helps with anything, except maybe taking care of babies.  I am very good at intuitively knowing what a baby wants right away and at providing it instinctively.

[Katy]

I think it's typically used in a new age way, but I think the experience is rather universal.

I just finished reading a book called Popular, about the psychology & social science of childhood popularity & how it changes your life. It said that people who went through lonely/rejection periods of childhood are often much more sensitive to the emotions of others. They're also more accurate about everything, similar to the ways depressed people are often more accurate about the future. However, they sometimes create rejection by assuming they will be rejected and therefore acting needy...

My mom has that thing with hating crowds and malls, etc.  She's also had plenty of spiritual experiences that makes me believe there is something spiritual to it.  I'd nearly forgotten but for a while I'd had some of the same problems.  When I was younger I read some book about auras that said those problems are from having an aura that is too open.  It said there are advantages but when you need better boundaries and less interaction just to do a visualization exercise where you imagine your aura shrinking down to just 6" outside your body and hardening so that no one else's energy can mix with yours except that of the people you love. When you want more accurate intuition visualize it opening back up again to let in other people's junk. It sounds very woo, but if you want to go in a crowd or a thrift shop, try it.

[Storygirl]

1 hour ago, Katy said:

I think it's typically used in a new age way, but I think the experience is rather universal.

I just finished reading a book called Popular, about the psychology & social science of childhood popularity & how it changes your life. It said that people who went through lonely/rejection periods of childhood are often much more sensitive to the emotions of others. They're also more accurate about everything, similar to the ways depressed people are often more accurate about the future. However, they sometimes create rejection by assuming they will be rejected and therefore acting needy...

My mom has that thing with hating crowds and malls, etc.  She's also had plenty of spiritual experiences that makes me believe there is something spiritual to it.  I'd nearly forgotten but for a while I'd had some of the same problems.  When I was younger I read some book about auras that said those problems are from having an aura that is too open.  It said there are advantages but when you need better boundaries and less interaction just to do a visualization exercise where you imagine your aura shrinking down to just 6" outside your body and hardening so that no one else's energy can mix with yours except that of the people you love. When you want more accurate intuition visualize it opening back up again to let in other people's junk. It sounds very woo, but if you want to go in a crowd or a thrift shop, try it.

I never assume that people will like me or want to be my friend. But I don't act needy. I am reserved, which comes off as aloof, I think. Some people interpret it as me not liking them (I've been told this by a couple of people, or have heard others say that so-and-so thought I didn't like them). I don't have many close friends.

I don't care for thrift shops or malls, but it's not due to emotional sensitivity but because I get visually overwhelmed.  I'm hypersensitive in more than just emotional ways.

I don't have a problem visiting nursing homes and have done it often --- first as a child when my grandparents were in nursing care, and now I visit my mom. Do they feel like sad places? Yes, sure. But I don't react the way some others have described. I react emotionally to people, not places.

 

Edited February 19, 2019 by Storygirl

[Storygirl]

1 hour ago, Catwoman said:

The thing I find most interesting is that almost everyone seems to identify themselves as an empath once they find out the definition. 

It’s like people want to feel like they are special in that way. So either people are vastly overestimating their abilities and gifts, or this whole empath thing is incredibly common.

I've actually never heard anyone refer to themselves as an empath in real life, and this thread is the first time I've seen it discussed. Do you see this pheneomenon in real life, or are you referring to the people in this thread who say they identify that way?

In real life, I would think it was weird to hear lots of people claiming this. Especially if they believed in the woo woo definition, which I do not.

In this thread, I think that it is a case of people who have related experiences who are chiming in. Sometimes I feel like I am the only one who is kind of afflicted like this emotionally, and it's good for me to know that I'm not.

I don't think it's a gift or a special ability.

[DawnM]

1 hour ago, Catwoman said:

The thing I find most interesting is that almost everyone seems to identify themselves as an empath once they find out the definition. 

It’s like people want to feel like they are special in that way. So either people are vastly overestimating their abilities and gifts, or this whole empath thing is incredibly common.

 

Well, I am special Cat, not sure about the rest of you! 😜

 

I am KIDDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I am not more special in any way, but for some reason there are times people do not fully get that I am being facetious.

But on a serious note, I guess I have some empath of some sort since I went into counseling as a profession. BTW:  Empath is underlined as not being a word.

[Xahm]

Thanks everyone for helping me understand. I feel bad that I posted last night, then fell asleep,then have been busy today, but it seems I'm not the only one wondering about this. I'm glad! My interpretation is that since people have different definitions, some involving the spiritual/supernatural, some involving a spectrum of sensitivity, it's not surprising I was having a hard time intuiting the definition from context. 

I would say I'm empathetic in that I can easily imagine how others are feeling and sympathize with that, but I don't take it on as part of my emotion (though being around lots of negativity brings me down, of course), so I don't fit anyone's definition of empath.

[ktgrok]

2 hours ago, Catwoman said:

The thing I find most interesting is that almost everyone seems to identify themselves as an empath once they find out the definition. 

It’s like people want to feel like they are special in that way. So either people are vastly overestimating their abilities and gifts, or this whole empath thing is incredibly common.

I don't know many people that would identify that way..somet, but not most people I know would. My husband certainly wouldn't. He loves thrift stores too, lol. 

[Rosie_0801]

8 hours ago, Garga said:

I have a friend who says she’s an empath.  She also can easily see the emotions of others, but like other people have said on this thread, she feels them. Strongly.  Right away.  At first, she would say, “Well, you and I are empaths,” but that’s not true.  She is.  I just am able to detect, but not take in, the emotions of others. 

 

You can self identify however you like, of course, but she's not wrong. You both have different levels of it, is all.

[Rosie_0801]

10 hours ago, Storygirl said:

And I was very lonely as a child, also. It's interesting to think that there might be a connection.

 

Prolonged loneliness is another form of trauma. It makes sense that a lonely person can become oversensitive to other people, because there will be no pre-programmed expectation of being accepted.

[Rosie_0801]

4 hours ago, Catwoman said:

The thing I find most interesting is that almost everyone seems to identify themselves as an empath once they find out the definition. 

It’s like people want to feel like they are special in that way. So either people are vastly overestimating their abilities and gifts, or this whole empath thing is incredibly common.

 

There are different levels of empath stuff. Noticing someone is out of sorts is going to be more common than feeling emotions from someone when they are hundreds of km away.