Funeral Processions

[TechWife]

38 minutes ago, KungFuPanda said:

PA is in the south? What?

She didn't say that :). She said that her husband's family is southern. She said that she lives in Philly. She didn't say PA is in the south, silly!

Even if her husband's family lives in the Philly area now, it doesn't mean they aren't southern. There's a saying that goes "You can take the lady out of the south, but you can't take the south out of the lady."

I

[TechWife]

My experience is the same as most others. It's common practice here, I live in the southeast. This also happened at my uncle's funeral in the Chicago area.

My parents were buried in a national cemetery, which was an hour long ride. We watched people pull over the entire time (we did not have a police escort, people pulled over when they saw the hearse and headlights). We appreciated it very much. It was a show of respect for my parents' as well as an acknowledgement of the mourning family - to let them go ahead and do what they needed to do.

For a moment in time, pulling over for a funeral procession signals that another's need is more important than our own.

 

[teachermom2834]

I am in the south. We saw one the other day and I had to explain to my teens what it was. I don’t think we ever encountered it in the years of teaching teens to drive so I would say it is uncommon. However, seems most of the funerals I have been aware of recently don’t do the whole traditional funeral. More and more people are cremated and do an internment another day. Often the funeral announcement will give the details of the funeral and then say the burial will be private. So I just think funerals have become less formal and more private overall. 

My grandfather (NY) was a local celebrity type and had friends fly in from all over the country for his funeral. It was huge. I remember being in that funeral procession. It was through a city and pedestrians just sat down on the curb to wait for it to pass. It was so long and not stopping for anything. 

I almost would have said it was uncommon in the south but previous posters have said it is definitely a thing here. I think I just live in an area people are very low key about funerals and many have the burial private another day. Cremation is definitely growing as an economical option. 

[marbel]

1 hour ago, KungFuPanda said:

PA is in the south? What?

No. I mean, my husband is from the south so I get the comment a pp made about politeness.  Philly is not in the south, neither physically nor culturally. ?

ETA thanks Techwife.

My in-laws still live in the south. ?

[Stacia]

1 hour ago, teachermom2834 said:

I am in the south. We saw one the other day and I had to explain to my teens what it was. I don’t think we ever encountered it in the years of teaching teens to drive so I would say it is uncommon.

Same here.

I have mostly lived in the south & would say it is common, especially in smaller to medium-sized areas. These days, though, I live in a large urban/suburban area & rarely see it. We saw one a few weeks ago & I had to explain to my teen what to do in those instances. I think a lot of people do not know what to do in such situations (not just teens but also adults).

I normally pull over & wait. However, the one the other week was on a large, multi-lane, divided road. Opposite side traffic (the side I was on) was not stopping, so I slowed a bit but did keep moving. Here, if you stopped (esp. on the opposite side of a divided road), you are likely to be creamed at high speed in a rear-end collision. Had I been on the same side, I would have pulled over (with the assumption being that other traffic behind me would have stopped also). When you live where people drive aggressively & quickly, I think you have to balance respect for the procession with common sense, esp. when there are not clear laws on the books or if there are not enough police to actually block major intersections (of which there are many around here).

I also think that sometimes people who are participating in the procession do not always know what to do, which also leads to confusion. I have seen later drivers stop at red lights, not knowing they were allowed to continue through (when police were not posted at the intersection), which then leads to other cars merging in, & then makes it harder to tell where the procession starts & ends, etc. I think funeral homes or whoever is coordinating should make sure the drivers know the "rules" for being in the procession, perhaps telling cars as they are lining up getting ready to leave.

ETA: It's a very nice tradition. But it can be a dangerous one when not everyone knows the "rules". And, in today's world & in congested/high-traffic areas, I think the assumption should/could be that quite a few people don't know the "rules". I don't get the honking or gesturing at people who "mess up". I would assume the person doesn't mean disrespect, just that the person isn't familiar with the traditions.

[KrissiK]

6 hours ago, marbel said:

I've been idly curious about this for a while.  

Since I moved to Pennsylvania (Philly area), I have encountered so many funeral processions on the roads.  I don't remember ever seeing one when I lived in Cali or Oregon.  

Not to be condescending, but I will describe how it is here in case others have not encountered one: After a funeral (church or funeral home), people travel in a group or, really, a convoy to the cemetery. There is generally a police escort in front. The cars in the procession have their headlights on and some sort of flag on the car - either in the window or a flag on the antenna that say "funeral." They do not stop at red lights. Sometimes at big intersections there are police stopping traffic but not always.  The police will pull a person over if they try to cut through the procession at a green light - I don't know if they actually ticket but I've seen people get yelled at.   I once made the mistake of getting into the middle of one by turning right onto a street when there was a gap between cars. [ETA: I did not mean to break in; I did not know it was a funeral procession till I was in the middle of it.]  Boy did I get honked at.  I have sometimes waited 5 minutes for one to pass. I have never been in one; all the funerals I've been to either didn't have everyone go to the burial site, or I left directly after the service in the church or funeral home. But I know they are not just for dignitaries and such; "regular" people (for lack of a better word) have them too.

Anyway, I just wonder if this is a thing elsewhere, because I honestly do not believe I encountered it in the other places I've  lived as a driving adult.  For reference, I got my license in 1973 and  moved here in 2007. That's a lot of driving years to have missed something like this. 

 

 

It’s done here in California. Or it was when I was a kid. However, funerals seem to be changing. The funerals I have gone to in recent years have either a) been solely graveside; or b) graveside first and a memorial at a church some other time. So, there has been no need of a funeral procession. I do not remember the last time I have been at a funeral in a church where the casket has been present. 

[JennyD]

I grew up in NJ and remember seeing funeral processions quite often.  And when my husband's grandmother died in 2002, we were all in a funeral procession through NYC's Chinatown and out onto the expressway, so I don't think it's just a southern/rural thing.  In fact, now I live in a southern city and rarely see them.

I have never heard of people being charged per head for cemetery attendance, though.  In my religious community funerals are generally within 24-48 hours after the person died, and sometimes  -- especially if the person was very elderly -- the whole service is graveside.  

[Tap]

It was common in the small Oregon town I grew up in, but not common here in Portland now.  We will see them sometimes for Vets who are flown home after passing. The procession will go from the airport to where the body will be kept until burial/cremation. There is quite often a motorcycle procession that volunteers here to escort the remains whether or not the family escorts it themselves.

[Mergath]

I'm in MN and I had to stop and wait for two just today. Both that I saw today had 30+ vehicles and police escorts with flashing lights and everything. People generally pull over and wait even on the opposite side of the road here, so they back up traffic quite a bit.

I don't mind pulling over and waiting, but I'll admit that by the time the second one passed by I was eyerolling and sighing. 

[scholastica]

9 hours ago, Homeschool Mom in AZ said:

I'm from PHX and I only saw it once or twice as a kid.  There cemeteries are few and far between, and the largest one on the east side of the valley is in dense city now.  No one would be able to get around that part of town if they did this.  It would destroy the local businesses and the already bad traffic would be even worse because they do multiple burials a day. Besides, it's very expensive to have a large crowd at the burial, so the memorial and burial are often on different days with a large guest list of the memorial and a short guest list for the burial.

If you're in a small town somewhere you can probably get away with it without a major impact.

I grew up outside NYC in a very densely populated place. Funeral processions were common. I’ve lived in the South and the Midwest and seen them or been in them in both places. All major metro areas. I don’t think it’s just a small town thing. One of the funeral processions I was in went from Long Island to a cemetery in NJ. I’ve also never been to a burial where there was a charge for the number of people at the burial site. Wow. 

[elegantlion]

17 hours ago, hellen said:

My husband and I were just talking about this today because one passed us going the opposite direction.  I don't understand why it's necessary to disrupt traffic flow for everyone else.  The people will still make it to the destination within minutes of each other.  I've never planned a funeral so perhaps I'm just ignorant of the logistics.  

Funeral processions are common where I live (northern MO). The practice is police or funeral car escort - everyone turns on their lights or flashers, then follow to the cemetery. Around here a procession is necessary because there are so many cemeteries and people might not have a clue where they are going otherwise. They're usually traveling slower. 

16 hours ago, Homeschool Mom in AZ said:

My huband's sister died last fall.  There was a charge based on the number of people invited to the burial.  Whoever was paying for the burial had to give a head count and it was included in the fees. I don't know why they do it that way, but I do know it's very expensive to maintain the place.  The grounds require enormous amounts of water in the middle of the desert.  I assume part of it is for setting up chairs and shade coverings at the site.

I've never heard of a charge for visitors to the burial! ? Most funerals around here have chairs for about 5 or 6 at the burial, a canopy depending upon weather, and other people just stand. 

[KrissiK]

17 hours ago, Homeschool Mom in AZ said:

My huband's sister died last fall.  There was a charge based on the number of people invited to the burial.  Whoever was paying for the burial had to give a head count and it was included in the fees. I don't know why they do it that way, but I do know it's very expensive to maintain the place.  The grounds require enormous amounts of water in the middle of the desert.  I assume part of it is for setting up chairs and shade coverings at the site.

I didn’t know people were invited to funerals or burials. In my experience anyone and everyone was welcome to come pay their respects. Unless, of course they were a celebrity or something, but for the average Joe, there was never an invitation.

[marbel]

1 minute ago, KrissiK said:

I didn’t know people were invited to funerals or burials. In my experience anyone and everyone was welcome to come pay their respects. Unless, of course they were a celebrity or something, but for the average Joe, there was never an invitation.

I've seen a note (in, say, a funeral notice or the program at a funeral/memorial service) saying something like:   private burial service will be held at a later time... or similar, to indicate that everyone is not invited to that part.  

[KrissiK]

14 minutes ago, marbel said:

I've seen a note (in, say, a funeral notice or the program at a funeral/memorial service) saying something like:   private burial service will be held at a later time... or similar, to indicate that everyone is not invited to that part.  

Yeah, you’re right. I guess I have seen those, now that you mention it.

[SKL]

It is the law where I live, always has been since I took my drivers' test back in 1982.

Only we don't usually have cops blocking the intersections - there is a funeral home vehicle that does that.

I don't see it too often, but I was in one funeral procession a few years ago.  We waited for one the other day.

[scoutingmom]

This happens in Canada... I don't see them often but have seen them and have been in a couple.

[Carol in Cal.]

It's absolutely customary here in California, but more people are not having funerals but rather having 'celebrations of life' weeks later, so it's not as common.

The old Confessional Lutheran tradition that I grew up with was:

Visitation at the funeral home was the night before the funeral and generally was without ceremony.  Open caskets were more the norm than the exception.

Then on the day of the funeral (never a Sunday for some reason), people would come to church.  The still open casket would be in the back room (narthex) that people would go through to get into the church (like an anteroom).  When it was time for the funeral to start, the pastor would do a brief set of readings from the narthex, but loudly enough for everyone in the church to hear him.  Then the family (who was back there with him) would close the casket, and be escorted to the reserved front pews.  And the casket would be wheeled or carried to the front of the church, and turned broadside usually.  After the casket was brought in, the church doors would be closed, and no one else would be allowed to enter them.  

Then the funeral would commence.  No one would speak except for the pastor, ever.  The service was longish, lots of encouraging readings and hymns, usually the deceased's favorites among them.  No communion.  

Then the family would be escorted out, with the casket, and receive everyone in the back or in the church hall.  (Cake and punch were typical, but not lengthy.)  Everyone would go get their cars and line up, and drive in procession to the cemetary, which was about half an hour away.  There would be another graveside service, and the casket would then be lowered into the ground right then and there.  The family would put a little dirt on it.  

Then there would be a reception at the home of the deceased or another family member, a very long one typically.

 

So, basically three services on the same day.

[happi duck]

I live in a major metro area in a town with three large cemeteries.  I see *many* processions.

[HSMWB]

They have them in Oregon to be sure, I have participated in several.  They go much smoother with a police escort, I have been in ones both with and without.

[Bluegoat]

I've never seen this here, but it's quite rare to have any sort of graveside ceremony here.  

[Matryoshka]

Definitely not just a southern thing, as I live up here in Yankee land (MA) and we have funeral processions as described in the OP. maybe it's more east coast vs west?

[gardenmom5]

I live in the seattle area - near a larger cemetery.

yes - I've seen them, though not often.   yes, I've been part of one.

yes -they're helpful for out of town attendees who have no idea how to get from the church (or other venue) to the cemetery.

I am seeing more of - non-family, non-close friends are not part of the graveside services that follow the main funeral, and don't go to the cemetery at all.

 

no - most people around here have no clue about how they are supposed to behave on a road when they encounter a funeral procession.

[gardenmom5]

1 hour ago, Carol in Cal. said:

It's absolutely customary here in California, but more people are not having funerals but rather having 'celebrations of life' weeks later, so it's not as common.

The old Confessional Lutheran tradition that I grew up with was:

Visitation at the funeral home was the night before the funeral and generally was without ceremony. 

Then on the day of the funeral (never a Sunday for some reason), people would come to church. 

Then the funeral would commence. 

Then the family would be escorted out, with the casket, and receive everyone in the back or in the church hall.  (

 

So, basically three services on the same day.

ditto myself - along with a graveside service of "dedicating the grave".  

I think it is a reflection of a decline in how many regularly attend religious services.

while we would have the decedants religious leader speak - family/friend members also speak when asked by the family.  sometimes family members will perform a musical number.

 

and I recently attended a "celebration of life" for the son of some european neighbors. . . it was very different.  very.   I admit I failed to see how it was supposed to comfort the family/friends - and it was sort of a  . . . . ending.   it tells everyone about the person who died - but supposedly they already new them.

[Tsuga]

17 minutes ago, gardenmom5 said:

ditto myself - along with a graveside service of "dedicating the grave".  

I think it is a reflection of a decline in how many regularly attend religious services.

while we would have the decedants religious leader speak - family/friend members also speak when asked by the family.  sometimes family members will perform a musical number.

 

and I recently attended a "celebration of life" for the son of some european neighbors. . . it was very different.  very.   I admit I failed to see how it was supposed to comfort the family/friends - and it was sort of a  . . . . ending.   it tells everyone about the person who died - but supposedly they already new them.

 

I definitely am in that "not attending religious services" group. I wouldn't expect to be comforted at a celebration of life in the short term. I mean, they died and that's sad.

But you get to share what you loved about the person. You're not there to listen to what you already know, but to find a new side of that person. Like, "look, this is how much this person impacted everyone". It's comforting because you see how you're all part of the branches of the tree of life. How everyone is connected. That brings you together through this person even though they are gone, their presence, their impact over time, isn't diminished.

For me, I'm much more familiar with this type of end of life celebration than I am with a traditional funeral. I've never been to a traditional funeral. All the old people I know were atheists, or hippies, or both.

[regentrude]

5 hours ago, gardenmom5 said:

and I recently attended a "celebration of life" for the son of some european neighbors. . . it was very different.  very.   I admit I failed to see how it was supposed to comfort the family/friends - and it was sort of a  . . . . ending.   it tells everyone about the person who died - but supposedly they already new them.

Healing will come over time, but it is comforting to just see how many lives the person touched. It is comforting to be with people who knew the deceased, hear what others have to say and how they valued the deceased, spend some time sharing memories, not be alone.

It's what traditional wakes were about, so it's not some newfangled concept. I'd like my friends and family have an informal party in my memory,  not stare at my embalmed corpse, shudder.