MIch elle Posted January 12, 2018 Share Posted January 12, 2018 ... And no one takes care of you? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted January 12, 2018 Share Posted January 12, 2018 Sending you hugs, and hoping you will let the people around you know that you need help sometimes, too. :grouphug: 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freesia Posted January 12, 2018 Share Posted January 12, 2018 Sending you hugs, and hoping you will let the people around you know that you need help sometimes, too. :grouphug: Same here. I do feel like that sometimes and usually it means I am overfunctioning and need to let others take care of themselves more, that I need to let the other adult in this family take care of more of the family's needs (his way--not my way), that I need to take care of myself and, mostly, that I need to ask for help Try to take some time off this weekend, ok? 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
displace Posted January 12, 2018 Share Posted January 12, 2018 Um, yes? Like, all the time? Seriously. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted January 12, 2018 Share Posted January 12, 2018 I do get taken care of: my husband is all I could wish for. I do feel that I am running on empty though. Within the next few weeks we will be talking to my mum about going into a care home and will not be backing down. I have to protect my own stability. It helped me a lot to write a list of all the things I was doing. It helped me to realise that really I wasn't coping and I needed to make changes. Good luck to you. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Insertcreativenamehere Posted January 12, 2018 Share Posted January 12, 2018 (edited) Yes. My medically complex kiddo has been sick for three weeks, meaning little to no sleep for me as I play the role of night nurse in addition to my day job of mom and teacher. My DH was out of town all week on business in a warm climate. It's below zero here and the kids are fighting like crazy and not being cooperative for school. My brain is toast right now and I don't think anyone really knows or cares how much I do for everyone. Sent from my Moto G (4) using Tapatalk Edited January 12, 2018 by insertcreativenamehere Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted January 12, 2018 Share Posted January 12, 2018 :grouphug: :grouphug: to all struggling. I have felt that way on and off since my kids were born. They are adults now and still sometimes everyone seems so needy. But it's getting better, and I'm getting better at saying that I need someone to do something for me. My kids just went to the store for me, to pick up something I needed for a spur-of-the-moment baking decision! That's something new. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aura Posted January 12, 2018 Share Posted January 12, 2018 Yes. BTDT. It's so hard. :grouphug: Emotionally, I don't really have anyone that I can lean on. Dh, to a degree, and I know that dh would do whatever he can...but he cannot really care for me emotionally, something I've learned to come to terms with, though it still hurts. I also know that no one except me can really take care of me physically. Unless I'm willing to put forth the effort, anything that anyone else does is pointless. It's hard. I MUST make sure that I take care of myself, otherwise I CAN'T take care of those I love. It's not always easy, and it's been a hard path learning to do that (and I'm still learning!) :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted January 12, 2018 Share Posted January 12, 2018 Yes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
solascriptura Posted January 12, 2018 Share Posted January 12, 2018 Yes. I totally understand how you feel. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted January 12, 2018 Share Posted January 12, 2018 And yet, when they are not there, I feel my skills and therefore *I* am being wasted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elizabeth86 Posted January 12, 2018 Share Posted January 12, 2018 (edited) Yes, it's exhausting. Deep down I don't mind, but sometimes ( especially during pregnancy) it just really wears me down. It's funny though because I've been spending a few hours alone going to my ob appointments and I feel so anxious just sitting there not doing anything for anyone. An empty nest will crush me. I need to be needed even though it exhausts me. Edited January 12, 2018 by Elizabeth86 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted January 12, 2018 Share Posted January 12, 2018 And yet, when they are not there, I feel my skills and therefore *I* am being wasted. And that is an even deeper kind of pain :grouphug: 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted January 12, 2018 Share Posted January 12, 2018 Yep. 3 special needs kids, a MIL on Hospice and my mom in a power wheelchair full time. Even my job as a special education teacher for severely impaired is caregiving. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted January 12, 2018 Share Posted January 12, 2018 Yep. 3 special needs kids, a MIL on Hospice and my mom in a power wheelchair full time. Even my job as a special education teacher for severely impaired is caregiving. Your capacity blows my mind, I have to say. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elizabeth86 Posted January 12, 2018 Share Posted January 12, 2018 Your capacity blows my mind, I have to say. I agree. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sherry in OH Posted January 12, 2018 Share Posted January 12, 2018 Yes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Selkie Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 Not any more, but I remember feeling that way when I had three little ones and my dh was up to his ears in work. :grouphug: to you! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 I really hope that I have the opportunity and health to be there for my daughters and future daughters in law when they have kids of their own. So much caregiving falls to women. I'm doing my best to raise my sons to carry their share but I do feel like being a mom is a unique sort of calling. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 (edited) nm Edited January 13, 2018 by ..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 Same here. I would so love to be able to help out all my kids when they have kids. And I would be willing to do anything I could - babysit, cook, clean, just sit and listen/talk, etc. - whatever they needed. Yeah. I don't think life needs to be *this* hard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
footballmom Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 Yes. I keep typing and deleting this because it sounds like we are in dire straits. And we aren't. And I'm not throwing him under the bus. But I had to point blank tell DH the other day that I felt like if we ever didn't work out, his life would definitely get harder and mine would get easier in ways. Because I am just mentally and physically overspent taking care of everyone else. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 (edited) When my youngest was born I asked my mom if she would come and help me for a few days after the birth. She said, “I can’t imagine there would be anything for me to do,†and didn’t come. So bizarre. She’s usually a giving person. I guess I was an easy baby or something and she didn’t know how hard things could be (my oldest was a Handful.). She really seemed confused by the request and I didn’t pursue it. I hope that if my DILs ask for help that I would help them, but I don’t think DILs usually ask their MILs for help. Edited January 13, 2018 by Garga Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 Yes. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 Every damn day. Usually right before I have to fix dinner :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 When my youngest was born I asked my mom if she would come and help me for a few days after the birth. She said, “I can’t imagine there would be anything for me to do,†and didn’t come. So bizarre. She’s usually a giving person. I guess I was an easy baby or something and she didn’t know how hard things could be (my oldest was a Handful.). She really seemed confused by the request and I didn’t pursue it. I hope that if my DILs ask for help that I would help them, but I don’t think DILs usually ask their MILs for help. I wouldn't have asked my MIL for help early in my marriage, but she was an amazing, truly selfless and giving person. She offered and gave help in every way she could. Later I came to lean on her for emotional support in difficult times. I miss her so much. From what I have heard, her own mother in law was equally amazing and served as her inspiration for the kind of MIL she wanted to be, as she serves as my inspiration. My mom is also great as a mom though I think less sure of ways to reach out to her DIL's. The few times she has been able to come help after a birth or some such have been wonderful--having a mother there to take care of me instead of always always being the one taking care of everyone. She lives far away but does what she can to support me, including many hours of algebra tutoring via video call for my eldest! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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