WWYD? Extracurricular activities

[PeachyDoodle]

It's the week after Labor Day and already DD12 is starting to feel overwhelmed. Aside from her usual schoolwork/chores, she is participating in the following:

• Golf -- 90-minute group lesson once per week
• Violin -- 45 minute group lesson once per week, plus minimal practice time
• Girl Scouts -- 75-minute troop meeting once per week, occasional outside activities (these are minimal, and optional)
• Confirmation classes -- 60 minutes once per week, some homework but mostly I try to work that into our morning time

Is this too much for a 7th grader? She's never been one who liked to have a full schedule, but we are rural and she has very little opportunity for interacting with her peers. DH and I see these extracurriculars mostly as social outlets; we really don't care if, say, her scout badgework is top quality or if she gets all her violin practice time in. We know she will do a good job, even if it's not her *best*. We have explained that to her, but she still feels a lot of pressure. I am very much that way myself, but I wish I had learned earlier how to let go and that good enough is sometimes good enough. I'm not sure if it would be better to back off some things or try to help her work through and practice setting priorities.

 

The most likely thing to go is Girl Scouts, and since the first meeting is tonight, I'd just as soon go ahead and pull the plug now if we're going to. She's already moping around and acting like she doesn't know how she'll make it through the week. (If we had a fainting couch, she would be swooning on it.) Mondays are hard because they are both golf and Girl Scouts, but golf (which she loves) is only for 6 more weeks so after that her schedule slows down a bit.

 

Also, Girl Scouts is her only activity with other girls who are close to her age (Confirmation is all boys and golf/violin have younger kids). TBH, this is of much greater importance to me than to her, but her social circle is almost nil, and I feel an obligation to at least give her a chance to make a friend close to her age. But I really don't feel like fighting her on this all year.

[Kassia]

IMO, if she's feeling overwhelmed, then it's too much for her.  Each child is different in what they can handle.

 

 

[mommyoffive]

IMO, if she's feeling overwhelmed, then it's too much for her.  Each child is different in what they can handle.

 

I do agree with that, but I also think that maybe it is just the adjustment of going back to school and all these things starting at the same time.  I might keep the GS because you want her to make friends her age and because golf will be over in a month and half. 

[regentrude]

Depends on the kid. If she feels overwhelmed, it is too much for her. OTOH, there are kids who need activities seven days a week to feel happy. But that is irrelevant when judging whether it is too much for your DD.

[Arcadia]

What kind of social interaction does she prefer? My DS12 couldn't care less as long as there is lots of humans. DS11 wants age peers and time to talk and so would keep scouts and drop violin. That's why we drop music lessons for DS11 and sign him up for group music theory class which has lots of discussions compared to group instrumental classes.

 

ETA:

My kids have done golf camps but it didn't fulfill their social interaction needs, just their physical exercise needs.

Edited September 11, 2017 by Arcadia

[DawnM]

Is she new to girl scouts or is this an activity she has done a long time?

 

How many months is confirmation class?

[JudoMom]

I'd drop girl scouts and re-evaluate at a later date.

[heartlikealion]

Well I'd ask her how she felt and remind her that golf will end in six weeks in case she will feel the opposite way with no golf and no GS (bored).

[Chris in VA]

I'd drop Scouts. At the end of golf, if she really likes it, can she sign up again?

I think you have a good mix of something physical, something spiritual, and something skill-building (music--which is SO good for the brain and the spirit, and you really need to have time to develop it now if she ever wants to play with an orchestra later). 

Is she good enough to play with a youth orchestra? That is a great goal if not. That would give her hard-working, focused peers to interact with. 

 

I'm not a fan of Scouts now, though--not GS, anyway. 

 

But I do see your point of social interaction. I think you could probably wait on it. You can join GS at any time during the year. It IS easier with that age group if you join at the beginning before cliques form, but still, if she's social and is fairly well-accepted by peers, you could join in January. 

[klmama]

If you drop Girl Scouts, is SHE going to be satisfied with the amount of social interaction she has, or is she going to grumble about not having any girl friends her own age?  

[catz]

Did you have a quiet summer?  This doesn't seem too nuts to me.  When we start a new routine I tell my kids to ride it out for 6-8 weeks and see how they are feeling at that time.  Very rarely have we had to back out of anything.  This actually seems like a really nice balance of out sourcing school stuff to me.  You have music, PE, religion, and scouts (community service, etc).  4 times out of the house a week is not bad.  It sounds like a nice ramping toward high school. 

 

My young 8th grader is doing a bunch more than that this fall.  I'll spare you the details and it was mostly her doing.  :tongue_smilie:  Anyway - I would not quit after a week of this schedule for sure.  I'd give it through October for sure and possibly through the holidays.  I always told my kids if they wanted to try school, they would be trying it through the holidays at a minimum.  

Edited September 11, 2017 by WoolySocks

[Ravin]

My DD decided to drop scouts this year. Her extracurriculars consist of a regular volunteering gig at the library once a week, Witchlette class (the Pagan answer to confirmation class, lol) every other Saturday, and an every-other-week game night with friends (the same ones whose mom teaches the Witchlette class), and going with the family to Druid grove meetings/rituals and with me to Transgender/SOFFA support group meetings (concurrent with support group I've started attending) every other week. She decided with all of that going on Scouts would be too much. 

 

 

[desertstrawberry5]

I'd drop Girl Scouts, and consider postponing confirmation class-isn't she a little on the young side for that? 

Will you be able to add something more if she wants it after golf is finished?

 

Maybe a once or twice a month class or group would be more her speed?

Edited September 11, 2017 by desertstrawberry5

[Miss Tick]

If she only puts in minimal practice time anyway, I would consider dropping violin.

 

She loves golf (and it ends soon), GS has peer potential (and can likely be skipped occasionally if needed), and Confirmation Classes are surely a religious requirement.

 

As others have said, how much is too much is a very individual question.

[Janeway]

It's the week after Labor Day and already DD12 is starting to feel overwhelmed. Aside from her usual schoolwork/chores, she is participating in the following:

• Golf -- 90-minute group lesson once per week
• Violin -- 45 minute group lesson once per week, plus minimal practice time
• Girl Scouts -- 75-minute troop meeting once per week, occasional outside activities (these are minimal, and optional)
• Confirmation classes -- 60 minutes once per week, some homework but mostly I try to work that into our morning time

Is this too much for a 7th grader? She's never been one who liked to have a full schedule, but we are rural and she has very little opportunity for interacting with her peers. DH and I see these extracurriculars mostly as social outlets; we really don't care if, say, her scout badgework is top quality or if she gets all her violin practice time in. We know she will do a good job, even if it's not her *best*. We have explained that to her, but she still feels a lot of pressure. I am very much that way myself, but I wish I had learned earlier how to let go and that good enough is sometimes good enough. I'm not sure if it would be better to back off some things or try to help her work through and practice setting priorities.

 

The most likely thing to go is Girl Scouts, and since the first meeting is tonight, I'd just as soon go ahead and pull the plug now if we're going to. She's already moping around and acting like she doesn't know how she'll make it through the week. (If we had a fainting couch, she would be swooning on it.) Mondays are hard because they are both golf and Girl Scouts, but golf (which she loves) is only for 6 more weeks so after that her schedule slows down a bit.

 

Also, Girl Scouts is her only activity with other girls who are close to her age (Confirmation is all boys and golf/violin have younger kids). TBH, this is of much greater importance to me than to her, but her social circle is almost nil, and I feel an obligation to at least give her a chance to make a friend close to her age. But I really don't feel like fighting her on this all year.

.

 

The extracurriculars are not too heavy. But if she is complaining, I would wonder if she doesn't like them or if her school day is too heavy.

[Janeway]

I would consider every EC to be a part of her school day. I am unsure how heavy your academics are, but here, golf and music would be during the school day at public school. Confirmation type classes might happen during the day at a private school. There are even a variety of clubs that do some of what GS might be doing during the day, like Friends of Rachel and such.

[Arctic Bunny]

I'm agreeing, kids are so different! We just moved to an urban place, where the kids have a ton of choices, for the first time ever.

 

DS12 has signed up for: an activity that is 3h, 1x/wk; karate 1h, 2x/wk, and signed up for a related one 2h, 1x/wk. And he is just loving it. If it gets too much we can drop the extra and 1x karate.

 

DS10 signed up for basketball with 1 practice and one game per week, because I like them to do something physical during the winter, otherwise he would choose nothing. He, however, is reveling in neighbour kids to play with. And if he was signed up for the same schedule DS12 is loving, he'd be a tired, grumpy, reluctant, complaining mess.

 

They are just different kids!

[City Mouse]

In a rural setting with a kid who is homeschooling, I would be hesitant to drop scouting sine it is her only contact with same age peers. It can be very hard to build, or keep up, those connections, but could she skip some of the scout meetings until golf is finished?

Edited September 11, 2017 by City Mouse

[SKL]

It's a tough question.  All  of the activities she is doing sound valuable and it's a well-rounded list.  But as others have said, if she's overwhelmed ....

 

I wonder, though, if it is more because she isn't used to the routine yet.  For us, a change of routine is the hard part; once we are into it and used to it, it kinda goes like clockwork, for the most part.

 

Sorry I'm not much help, but I commiserate.  We do scouts too, and I have talked myself into believing that it's a great thing for our girls.  But my kids don't love it, and sometimes I wonder if it is worth the stress.  I might start a new thread on the value of scouts for girls.

 

My kids have other social outlets though.  I wonder if there is anything more laid-back that your daughter could do with peers?

[GoodGrief]

It may or may not be too much for her.

 

She IS at that age though where kids can get a little dramatic and their desires can change rapidly and inexplicably.. I have a 13 year old who feels EVERY pain, lol. Last year she was complaining endlessly about her saxophone lessons and about bringing the instrument home to practice. Over the summer, she asked if we could start privates up again earlier than planned, then she wanted to audition for jazz band, participation in which requires arriving at school an hour early every day. She is not a morning person, so go figure.

 

Personally, I'd probably hold off a bit in making changes. The schedule doesn't seem overwhelming and it's good stuff that she's doing. Maybe re-evaluate in a month.

[Ali in OR]

It really doesn't seem excessive to me, but I would maybe look at the overall schedule. I always let my youngest sleep late in the middle school years, starting school around 9:00 or even 9:30 in the dead of winter. She also had a lighter academic load than her sister (I was guilty of more is better in homeschooling the older). We cut Latin after 6th grade for this kid who did not like it, cut spelling, etc. She still got a solid background to prepare her for honors level high school work, but no overkill. I would keep Mondays light schoolwork-wise while she has both golf and scouting going on. I would probably go ahead and try everything, but if something needs to go it would be scouting (so many girls drop it in the middle-school years--she might not find it as enjoyable as the earlier years).

[SKL]

Just wanted to add - if you are homeschooling, some of what the scouts do can be treated as school, as was earlier pointed out about the other three activities.  If you know what badges they are going to work on etc., perhaps you could give her school credit for some of it and skip or rearrange what you would have been doing at that time.

[Mommyof1]

What does she want to do? Is she a extrovert or introvert?

[KarenNC]

Unless it would cause massive problems, as a first step I'd suggest she try going to GS maybe every other week until golf ends. My daughter has been in Scouts with a lot of the same girls since 2nd grade and was heavily involved in lots of badgework, etc as a Junior, but stepped back a bit as she hit Cadette and above. As an Ambassador now, she actually can't attend the homeschool troop meetings, which are during the week in the morning, due to DE classes, but the troop is fine with her attending when she can and doing camping and other activities. Ours is a mix of homeschoolers and public schoolers, so they're pretty flexible about meeting attendance. It's always been big social outlet for her but has become more so as she's gotten older and schedules mean that she can't do things like park days or co-op classes.

 

How long will confirmation classes be going on--short-term or long-term?

[PeachyDoodle]

She has some anxiety issues so I don't think it's just a matter of getting used to the routine. She will stress over this all year.

 

Last year was her first in scouts. She didn't hate it, but she definitely didn't love it either. We encouraged it specifically for the social aspect. She isn't shy and is always well-liked amongst her peers but doesn't seem to *need* a lot of interaction. I was concerned that she wasn't getting an opportunity to befriend other kids -- particularly girls -- her age at a time when that seems to be so important. There were three other girls in her age group/patrol, and she got along fine with them but didn't really hit it off with anybody. At least one of those girls is not returning this year, and there won't be any new girls because the upcoming class is forming a new troop.

 

She has never once complained about not having enough friends. She rarely complains of being bored. She mostly is content to be around the house, reading or drawing. Most of her interests are individual in nature (e.g. golf). But really, she's not ever asked to do any activity. We have encouraged her to try different things, and she often likes them just fine, but until golf she'd never had a single activity that would have upset her if it suddenly disappeared. On the one hand, I'm happy if she's happy, but I also feel like I've made the choice to isolate her by homeschooling and don't want her to look back and think she missed out one something important.

 

We had a conference call with DH and have decided to let her drop scouts. She seems relieved. Golf ends mid-October but we can start up again in the spring. There is a homeschool league here that she may be able to join as well, and she will definitely do the Jr PGA league in the summer. She's not been playing long so hopefully she will begin to build some relationships as she goes.

[Pen]

I think part of "activities" at that stage is to try things out and find a passion. It sounds like golf might be a passion for her that is now found.

 

If my child, I'd allow her to drop any/all of the others if she wants to drop them.  Though I expect that confirmation is probably non-negotiable in your home.  

[SKL]

I'm glad she is relieved.  :)