Reception dinner, but no coffee or tea?

[marbel]

Just curious about something.

 

I was at a wedding reception.  It was very nice, with a very good catered buffet dinner, hosted bar with beer and wine.  The only non-alcoholic drink was water, which is fine, because everyone can drink water.

 

When dessert rolled around (also buffet style), I thought about coffee.  Wandered around the room looking for some.  Finally asked a server, and was told, "no, there's no coffee. No one ordered coffee."

 

I was surprised and, I'll admit, a little disappointed, because to me chocolate desserts cry out for coffee.  After we got home I started wondering if I had ever been at such an event and there was no coffee and/or tea, and I couldn't think of one. It seems like such a standard item, and IIRC from my own wedding, was almost a negligible cost in the larger scheme of things. 

 

So, what do you think? Assuming you would want coffee, and would notice its absence, would you be disappointed?

 

(I am not angry about it; I don't think less of the hosts because they omitted it. I am expressing surprise, mostly, so please don't anyone tell me I'm ungrateful and no one should ever invite me to dinner again.

[snowbeltmom]

My guess is that the hosts are not coffee or tea drinkers and they didn't think to order it. 

[SKL]

I would be disappointed, but I've been disappointed lots of times, and I think it's my issue.  :P

 

I have gone to a lot of catered conferences etc., and it is not unusual that coffee is only served in the morning.  I can only assume that people like me who crave coffee at all hours are unusual.  :P

[kitten18]

I would be super surprised and disappointed. I'm certain I've never been to a reception without coffee.

[marbel]

Re: people who don't drink it and wouldn't think to order it.

 

Sure, I could see that for a family-catered wedding.  But, I would expect that at a professionally catered event, the caterer would suggest it because it is such a typical thing (unless it is not so typical).  I remember our wedding caterer suggesting things we didn't think of.  Like, some appetizers that didn't include cheese.   :lol:  :lol:

[cjzimmer1]

The smell of coffee makes me nauseous so there was no way you'd find that at my wedding and I don't drink tea ( or really know anyone who does for that matter) so it would never occur to me to offer that either.  We served water and punch.  

[Farrar]

If I was organizing it, it's the sort of thing I'd forget, since I'm not a hot drinks person and don't do caffeine. But I agree with the sentiment above that I'm surprised that a professional caterer wouldn't think to suggest it or include it in a package deal.

[unsinkable]

Id guarantee, around here, (some) people would have already brought their own Tim Horton's into the reception. And others would leave and go get it when no coffee was served.

[Catwoman]

No coffee? No tea? No sodas?

 

That's just plain odd.

 

I have never been to a reception where, if I didn't drink alcohol, my only other option was water. I think it is extremely inconsiderate not to offer more options. When you host a reception, it's not just about you and what you drink; it's about making your guests happy as well.

 

How could anyone think of serving dessert without offering coffee or tea with it? :svengo:

[heartlikealion]

I don't drink tea or coffee. Like I have to be ill to force myself to drink hot tea. And I don't like sweet tea. My mom drinks hot tea. My in-laws drink sweet tea by the gallon. Dh likes coffee and tea. But, I don't think we had either at our wedding reception. I requested punch and it was not there. The catering people messed up.

 

I don't associate chocolate and coffee. I do associate coffee and some desserts (coffee cake lol), but chocolate on its own, I wouldn't make the link. Maybe because I'm not a coffee drinker. Also, I would think about the weather. If it's hot, I wouldn't think to offer hot drinks.

 

If I was a coffee drinker, yes, I would be disappointed. Maybe they wanted the drinks they had and the expense of adding coffee would exceed their budget.

[heartlikealion]

No coffee? No tea? No sodas?

 

That's just plain odd.

 

I have never been to a reception where, if I didn't drink alcohol, my only other option was water. I think it is extremely inconsiderate not to offer more options. When you host a reception, it's not just about you and what you drink; it's about making your guests happy as well.

 

How could anyone think of serving dessert without offering coffee or tea with it? :svengo:

 

Yeah, I can see this. We did have soda at ours but I think they just threw that in there in place of the punch I requested. I don't think we even asked for soda lol. :glare:

 

[Catwoman]

I don't drink tea or coffee. Like I have to be ill to force myself to drink hot tea. And I don't like sweet tea. My mom drinks hot tea. My in-laws drink sweet tea by the gallon. Dh likes coffee and tea. But, I don't think we had either at our wedding reception. I requested punch and it was not there. The catering people messed up.

 

I don't associate chocolate and coffee. I do associate coffee and some desserts (coffee cake lol), but chocolate on its own, I wouldn't make the link. Maybe because I'm not a coffee drinker. Also, I would think about the weather. If it's hot, I wouldn't think to offer hot drinks.

 

If I was a coffee drinker, yes, I would be disappointed. Maybe they wanted the drinks they had and the expense of adding coffee would exceed their budget.

It's kind of strange, though, because the cost of the coffee or tea would have been negligible compared with the cost of the open bar.

[Crimson Wife]

I've been to receptions where it was not served for religious reasons but those folks did not serve alcohol either. Never been to a wedding with booze but not joe

 

 

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[heartlikealion]

It's kind of strange, though, because the cost of the coffee or tea would have been negligible compared with the cost of the open bar.

 

They really wanted the bar, so they said to h*ll with the rest :lol:

 

[Catwoman]

Yeah, I can see this. We did have soda at ours but I think they just threw that in there in place of the punch I requested. I don't think we even asked for soda lol. :glare:

 

Thinking about it further, there must have been soda available if there was an open bar, right? Many alcoholic drinks include soda as an ingredient.

[Catwoman]

They really wanted the bar, so they said to h*ll with the rest :lol:

 

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[Night Elf]

I can see skipping coffee and tea but I'm surprised there wasn't more than water for people who don't want alcohol. I'd see that as some kind of statement that if you don't drink alcohol, you're not celebrating.

[heartlikealion]

Thinking about it further, there must have been soda available if there was an open bar, right? Many alcoholic drinks include soda as an ingredient.

 

ooh maybe. I don't know, sometimes they are limited. They couldn't make my drink request at my cousin's wedding because they didn't have the ingredients. And when I first read the OP I thought she just meant there was some alcohol present so I wasn't thinking of the expense of people getting several drinks made. I was just thinking of a tray of wine glasses or cold beer. When they're out, they're out.

 

[gardenmom5]

having alcohol - but no coffee or tea with dessert seems an oversight . . . or maybe they thought they'd have to have a barista for the coffee so they said no.

 

when I've been somewhere with an open bar, they've always had soda or juice as well as wine or hard drinks.

Edited June 17, 2017 by gardenmom5

[Catwoman]

ooh maybe. I don't know, sometimes they are limited. They couldn't make my drink request at my cousin's wedding because they didn't have the ingredients. And when I first read the OP I thought she just meant there was some alcohol present so I wasn't thinking of the expense of people getting several drinks made. I was just thinking of a tray of wine glasses or cold beer. When they're out, they're out.

 

You might be right -- I was thinking it was an open bar, but now I realize Margaret said it was a hosted bar with beer and wine.

 

That's even stranger to me, because even people who drink alcohol may not drink beer or wine.

 

That seems far too limiting.

[creekland]

And I'm learning that people drink coffee at night... I'm trying to think if I know anyone who does that... breakfast, yes.  Lunch, sometimes, but not often.  After that? Only if they NEED to stay up at night and are using it for that purpose.

 

It wouldn't have occurred to me to have it even if suggested.  I'd have thought, "no one drinks it at that hour!"

 

Now I'm wondering how they sleep at night... even decaf has some caffeine.  ;)

 

I'd have offered more than just water though - perhaps lemonade or sodas.

[heartlikealion]

Most weddings have cake, but I don't know if most couples think to include tea/coffee. It probably was an oversight, though.

[Night Elf]

I'm not affected by the caffeine in coffee or sodas. I can drink it at night with no problems.

[marbel]

Thinking about it further, there must have been soda available if there was an open bar, right? Many alcoholic drinks include soda as an ingredient.

 

Ah, I guess I used the word "bar" incorrectly.  There was beer and wine.  No cocktails.  

 

I can see skipping coffee and tea but I'm surprised there wasn't more than water for people who don't want alcohol. I'd see that as some kind of statement that if you don't drink alcohol, you're not celebrating.

 

I kinda see your point but I wouldn't necessarily infer that.  I don't see soda offered much at most events like this - mainly adults, in a rather elegant setting.   

 

ETA: Not to say that soda doesn't belong at such an event - I just don't see it much.  

Edited June 17, 2017 by marbel

[heartlikealion]

Also, maybe they weren't coffee drinkers so didn't know how to brew it or which brand to buy. Honestly, I would probably need dh to come to my rescue with that. 

[marbel]

It was professionally catered, so the B&G, or their folks, wouldn't have been making the coffee.

 

The food was delicious!  The beer and wine of high quality.  

 

Dessert wasn't wedding cake.   :sad:   They had a small cake that they cut and fed a bit to each other.  I love wedding cake so I'm always sad when that is not offered. But the desserts were still good!  

Edited June 17, 2017 by marbel

[creekland]

I'm not affected by the caffeine in coffee or sodas. I can drink it at night with no problems.

 

Desensitized to it I can believe - your body has learned to adjust and probably even needs it or will be unhappy.  (Mine is this way during the daytime.) I don't think it's possible for the human body not to be affected by it on the cellular level.

[Loowit]

I am not a coffee drinker and neither is DH so we just wouldn't think of it.  I have no idea if there was any at our wedding reception.  I am guessing there must have been, because my mom is a coffee drinker and she made those arrangements.

 

I have planned many a gathering where I just don't think plan for coffee and get reminded by the coffee drinkers in the group.

[kitten18]

Desensitized to it I can believe - your body has learned to adjust and probably even needs it or will be unhappy. (Mine is this way during the daytime.) I don't think it's possible for the human body not to be affected by it on the cellular level.

Not necessarily desensitized. Caffeine makes some people (even children) sleepy.

[marbel]

And I'm learning that people drink coffee at night... I'm trying to think if I know anyone who does that... breakfast, yes.  Lunch, sometimes, but not often.  After that? Only if they NEED to stay up at night and are using it for that purpose.

 

It wouldn't have occurred to me to have it even if suggested.  I'd have thought, "no one drinks it at that hour!"

 

Now I'm wondering how they sleep at night... even decaf has some caffeine.   ;)

 

I'd have offered more than just water though - perhaps lemonade or sodas.

 

You have never seen people order after-dinner coffee in a restaurant, or at a dinner party in someone's home?     I find that surprising!  Maybe as surprising as you find the idea of drinking coffee in the evening.  :-)

Edited June 17, 2017 by marbel

[heartlikealion]

My concern with caffeine late at night is more about trips to the bathroom all night (well, really that's my concern other times of day where it'd be disruptive like during a movie at the theater)

[regentrude]

It would probably not have occurred to me to provide coffee at an evening event. It's not routinely served after dinner, at least the dinners I attended.

 

It's likely that it simply didn't occur to the hosts that people would be expecting this. 

[SKL]

Desensitized to it I can believe - your body has learned to adjust and probably even needs it or will be unhappy.  (Mine is this way during the daytime.) I don't think it's possible for the human body not to be affected by it on the cellular level.

 

Coffee affects me (in a good way), but it doesn't prevent me from sleeping at all.  :)  I drink it right up until I go to bed.

 

Also, for people who get tired or even want to sober up after drinking, coffee at an evening party is a really good idea.

 

But all weddings are different - if they didn't want it, that's their decision.

[Elizabeth86]

I'd forget beer and wine before I wpuld coffee or soda. My family doesnt drink alcohol but they love caffeine.

[AnnE-girl]

I would find that odd. For me it isn't wanting caffeine in the evening so much as having the pleasantly bitter coffee to counter the sweetness of the dessert.

[Tap]

It must have been a really clueless organizer or an oversight on the caterers part.  There is no reason a caterer wouldn't encourage coffee/tea at a reception dinner.  I am in the PNW and we are known to be a bit coffee obsessed but everywhere I have lived, there has always been coffee/tea served at any reception for adults. Even if it is just a small table set up in an out of the way corner.  The person making the arrangements must have been adamant about not wanting it....or it was a complete oversight, because it makes no sense to skip it. 

[marbel]

It must have been a really clueless organizer or an oversight on the caterers part.  There is no reason a caterer wouldn't encourage coffee/tea at a reception dinner.  I am in the PNW and we are known to be a bit coffee obsessed but everywhere I have lived, there has always been coffee/tea served at any reception for adults. Even if it is just a small table set up in an out of the way corner.  The person making the arrangements must have been adamant about not wanting it....or it was a complete oversight, because it makes no sense to skip it. 

 

Yes.  I left out the fact that 1/2 of the bridal party was from the PNW.   So that added to my surprise.   :-)

 

I lived there for 9 years and I think that's where I developed my taste for coffee...

[Sherry in OH]

No tea at a wedding reception would not surprise me.  No coffee would suggest LDS, but then there would also have been no alcohol.

 

It could have been oversight or a dislike of the smell of coffee, but more likely the caterer charges for multiple types of beverages were higher than the couple's budget allowed.  (It is not just the cost of the beverage.  It is also the cost of additional staff to prepare and serve the beverages.)  The couple may have decided that most guests would rather have alcohol than coffee.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I'd be wondering where the coffee was.

 

 

[creekland]

Not necessarily desensitized. Caffeine makes some people (even children) sleepy.

 

If it does, there are other issues at play with insulin or similar.  I'd be concerned enough to check a few things health-wise.  I just double checked on google to see if there was anything more recent than what I already knew.  I didn't find anything...

 

Caffeine wearing off can make folks sleepy.

 

You have never seen people order after-dinner coffee in a restaurant, or at a dinner party in someone's home?     I find that surprising!  Maybe as surprising as you find the idea of drinking coffee in the evening.  :-)

 

No, I can't say I'm interested enough to pay attention to what other people order in a restaurant.  At dinner parties I attend, I can't recall coffee being offered if the dinner is late.  When it's earlier the offer usually comes with, "Or is it too late for coffee?"

 

'Tis interesting how different our (general) lives can be!

 

 

Also, for people who get tired or even want to sober up after drinking, coffee at an evening party is a really good idea.

 

YIKES!  That's a myth... the letdown AFTER the caffeine wears off can make the drunk person sleepy and caffeine itself does nothing to help someone sober up.  All you can get is a wide awake or super sleepy drunk.

 

This link is REALLY worth reading if anyone believes this myth.  It talks about what happens in the body...

 

http://www.menshealth.com/health/does-coffee-sober-you-up

[creekland]

Actually, if the hosts were aware of caffeine's affect on drunk folks, maybe they purposely chose to avoid having those options available.  It depends on their awareness and how drunk they thought folks might get.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I feel the need to drink something with what I'm eating.  So what would one drink with cake?  Water?  Nah....beer?  Noooo....wine??  Uh uh...so coffee just makes sense to me.

 

 

[kewb]

I would be surprised. In these parts coffee/tea is included in the dessert portion of the catering. You would have to request that they remove the coffee. I don't drink coffee but I know other people do so I would know to order coffee if it wasn't included. Sounds like the caterer forgot the coffee to me.

[SKL]

If it does, there are other issues at play with insulin or similar.  I'd be concerned enough to check a few things health-wise.  I just double checked on google to see if there was anything more recent than what I already knew.  I didn't find anything...

 

Caffeine wearing off can make folks sleepy.

 

 

No, I can't say I'm interested enough to pay attention to what other people order in a restaurant.  At dinner parties I attend, I can't recall coffee being offered if the dinner is late.  When it's earlier the offer usually comes with, "Or is it too late for coffee?"

 

'Tis interesting how different our (general) lives can be!

 

 

YIKES!  That's a myth... the letdown AFTER the caffeine wears off can make the drunk person sleepy and caffeine itself does nothing to help someone sober up.  All you can get is a wide awake or super sleepy drunk.

 

This link is REALLY worth reading if anyone believes this myth.  It talks about what happens in the body...

 

http://www.menshealth.com/health/does-coffee-sober-you-up

 

Well since I don't drink alcohol at parties anyway, I'm not going to argue about the drunk part, but I like to drink coffee after eating in the evening if I need to go out and drive after that.  It does help me fight off the drowsiness.  I would also note that everyone's different, and we each know our own body's reactions best.

 

 

[SKL]

YIKES!  That's a myth... the letdown AFTER the caffeine wears off can make the drunk person sleepy and caffeine itself does nothing to help someone sober up.  All you can get is a wide awake or super sleepy drunk.

 

This link is REALLY worth reading if anyone believes this myth.  It talks about what happens in the body...

 

http://www.menshealth.com/health/does-coffee-sober-you-up

 

My reading of the link is different from what you say above.  It says the caffeine fights the stuff in the alcohol that makes you sleepy.  Their concern is that after that, you might think you can safely drink some more or drive with an unsafe amount of alcohol in your blood.  In other words you may feel good and make a dumb decision if you're already drunk when you drink some coffee.  But not everyone is stupid drunk before (or after) they switch to coffee.

 

 

[creekland]

but I like to drink coffee after eating in the evening if I need to go out and drive after that.  It does help me fight off the drowsiness.  

 

That part I won't argue with.  It's just the drunk & caffeine myth that needs to be debunked.

 

I don't have any issues with folks who like coffee - or caffeine.  I don't feel the need to offer coffee at my house though since none of us drink it.  I do have various teas.  I have no idea if I'd include it at a party TBH.  If it were catered, I'd have no problems with it being on the list of things to have.  If it were up to me (I'm providing food/drinks), I'd probably skip it.  I don't even own a coffee maker.

[SKL]

That part I won't argue with.  It's just the drunk & caffeine myth that needs to be debunked.

 

 

Yeah, I didn't choose my words well.  I didn't mean that coffee makes you sober.  I meant it's something to drink while you are sobering up before driving home.  Most people I know have a time when they stop drinking alcohol and then hang around for some time so it can work its way out of their system.  It's a good idea to have something non-alcoholic for them to drink at such times.

[creekland]

Coffee affects me (in a good way), but it doesn't prevent me from sleeping at all.  :)  I drink it right up until I go to bed.

 

Also, for people who get tired or even want to sober up after drinking, coffee at an evening party is a really good idea.

 

But all weddings are different - if they didn't want it, that's their decision.

 

I'm going off what you said - "if folks want to sober up after drinking, coffee at an evening party is a really good idea."  

 

In reality, it's a really bad idea.  From the article:

 

"If you’ve had a couple of drinks with dinner, you might be inclined to order a cup of coffee with dessert. Your hopes: to sober up and to perk up.

But that’s not a smart choice, says Robert Swift, M.D., Ph.D., the associate director of Brown University’s Center for Alcohol & Addiction Studies. Caffeine can trick your brain into thinking that you’re less drunk than you actually are, he says."

Then it goes into detail why/how it happens.

[ktgrok]

People with ADHD often are relaxed by caffeine and other stimulants. 

 

But many people like to drink it late if they must drive home and are likely to be tired. It makes that drive home easier/safer if they aren't falling asleep :)

 

And it's very cultural I think too....my midwestern grandparents would ALWAYS have coffee after dinner at a restaurant...in their later years they had decaf instead of regular, but it was always had, either with dessert or in place of. Served at home the same way, with dessert if there was one. My parents drink the stuff day and night..Dad was from the midwest and I think that's where it comes from. Not real strong coffee, not starbucks type, but a milder, less strong brew that is basically always ready from morning until night. 

 

I generally have a cup of decaf after the kids go to bed :)

[Catwoman]

It would probably not have occurred to me to provide coffee at an evening event. It's not routinely served after dinner, at least the dinners I attended.

 

It's likely that it simply didn't occur to the hosts that people would be expecting this.

 

I'm curious -- what do they serve to drink with the dessert course?

 

 

(Edited for typo!)

Edited June 18, 2017 by Catwoman