Am I the unofficial babysitter? UPDATE:

[DesertBlossom]

UPDATE: I responded below about my conversation with dad. Well, mom got home and came down to talk to me. Apparently I've been totally played by this kid. In addition to skipping the aftercare program that he is supposed to stay at, sometimes he just gives me the "my mom isn't home line" even when she is home because he knows I will let him stay. That's what I get for not calling or texting his mom or walking my lazy bum down the road to verify. (Actually, I did call her yesterday but she said she didn't get that message.) Anyway. Now that he knows that I know that he's a liar liar pants on fire, hopefully this will stop. I am inclined to have a conversation with him about needing to trust him if he's going to play at my house. All my kids regularly accuse him of lying so it's obviously a problem.

 

 

 

Don't quote, please.

 

A few months ago a new kid moved in a few doors down. He's 9. I will call him Joe. Despite having 2 boys closer to his age he mostly plays with my 6 year old DS. The other kids tolerate him. I have caught him in a couple small lies, but I was surprised by how convincingly and easily he lied so I wonder about some things he says. I feel like when he plays at our house I have to keep half an eye on him at all times. I don't totally trust him, but he is a good kid and my 6 year old has fun with him. He seems to wander the neighborhood quite a bit, and if I tell him my kids can't play (or rather, I don't want to supervise him) he goes home without a fuss. But he comes over a lot or the kids play outside.

 

Several times now Joe has come home from school to find his mom gone and the door locked so he comes over to our house to play. He knows I won't turn him away if he's locked out. One of the first times it happened he called his mom from my phone. She had been held up at the mechanic. Fine. Whatever. But she never talked to me about it afterwards. No "thanks for watching my kid for a few hours while I was stuck at the mechanic." Yesterday he was locked out and I called mom and left her a message to let her know Joe was locked out and that he was playing at our house. She never called back or acknowledged it but when she got home THREE hours later he went home. He's locked out again today and I am starting to wonder if mom is using me as her unofficial babysitter. She knows that I know he's been locked out and yet it keeps happening. Granted, I haven't gone over to actually check the doors on the house.

 

Mom seems nice, but we have only talked briefly a few times and there is no arrangement whatsoever. I only have her phone number because the first time Joe called her I saved it in my phone.

 

This grates on me because I don't always want him at my house, but I feel bad making him sit outside at his for who knows how long. And when I need to leave to run an errand and I leave my big kids in charge, I don't want them to be responsible for another kid at my house. Today I made him go home while I picked up my oldest from the bus and I noticed he just sat outside until we got back.

 

I am very non-confrontational so I don't even know how to approach this. It's a safe neighborhood and the parents seem pretty "free range" but... something doesn't feel right. They don't seem like neglectful parents so the only conclusion I can come to is that mom has made me her unofficial babysitter and assumes I can and will watch him if she's not home.

 

If I didn't feel like I had to keep an extra eye on him whenever he is here this wouldn't bother me so much.

Edited March 3, 2017 by DesertBlossom

[Guest]

If you want to do it the direct way, call or walk over next door and say, "Look, I have been helping you out by babysitting Joe when he is locked out, but now he's been locked out repeatedly and I'm not down with this anymore. I am not a free babysitting service." I'm a weinee, though, and I probably would not do this, but I would put the kabosh on the free babysitting 100% starting now. "oh, you're locked out again, Joe? I'm sorry. You can't stay over here, though; we are doing other things tonight." He can sit on his folks' porch for three hours.

[Catwoman]

If you want to do it the direct way, call or walk over next door and say, "Look, I have been helping you out by babysitting Joe when he is locked out, but now he's been locked out repeatedly and I'm not down with this anymore. I am not a free babysitting service." I'm a weinee, though, and I probably would not do this, but I would put the kabosh on the free babysitting 100% starting now. "oh, you're locked out again, Joe? I'm sorry. You can't stay over here, though; we are doing other things tonight." He can sit on his folks' porch for three hours.

I would walk Joe home and speak directly with his mom. I wouldn't leave the poor kid waiting on the porch for hours, because it's not his fault that he has an inconsiderate idiot for a mother.

 

Sometimes confrontation is unavoidable, and in this case, it needs to happen immediately. It will only get more awkward and difficult if more time passes.

[Lady Marmalade]

I don't like confrontation at all.  I might walk him home and casually let mom know that you are willing to let Joe keep a spare house key at your house in case he gets locked out again.  See what she says to that and go from there. 

[Guest]

I would walk Joe home and speak directly with his mom. I wouldn't leave the poor kid waiting on the porch for hours, because it's not his fault that he has an inconsiderate idiot for a mother.

 

Sometimes confrontation is unavoidable, and in this case, it needs to happen immediately. It will only get more awkward and difficult if more time passes.

It's true it's not his fault that his mother is an inconsiderate idiot, but my thinking is, she's making it Desert's problem what to do about her son and so Desert has to make it NOT her problem. As long as there are responsible adults stepping in to pick up the slack, inconsiderate idiots just keep being that. So I'm thinking if Idiot Mom comes home and Joe says, "I've been sitting here locked out for three hours!" she's bound to feel guilt, placing the problem of babysitting her kid back where it belongs - herself.

 

With that said, I do think it is better to clear it up directly.

[Tangerine]

I would also fall between "don't use me" and "sit on the porch."  Walking him home and suggesting the spare key is a great suggestion.  There is a good chance she's not going to take that sort of subtle hint, but I guess I'd cross that bridge then.

[Seasider]

I'd mail her a flyer spelling out my hourly rate for babysitting.

[Seasider]

Okay really, I'd try to talk with her. I'd try to be really paying attention, though, just to be sure its general idiocy and that there's not also something truly improper going on.

Edited March 2, 2017 by Seasider

[wapiti]

I would suggest that she give him a house key to keep in his backpack.

[wintermom]

What are your local laws about the age a minor child is allowed to be home alone? If he is younger than the legal age, she is breaking the law. Even if she's not breaking the law, this is looking like a pattern of neglect.  It is NOT ok to leave a minor child locked out of their home. She is the parent and is responsible for her child. You could be asking for legal trouble by having this boy over to your house without his parent knowing. I would check this. You may think you're doing the boy a favour, but you could be perpetuating a serious problem that needs to be fixed. 

[EmseB]

He needs a key.  You should not be responsible for a key to their house.  I have not let my 9yo stay home alone by himself yet, but I think it's an acceptable age.  If she's locking him out, she needs to stop doing that and just give him access to the house.  Sorry you have to be the one to tell her that.

[Greta]

 

Sometimes confrontation is unavoidable, and in this case, it needs to happen immediately. It will only get more awkward and difficult if more time passes.

 

 

I am absolutely confrontation-phobic, but   :iagree:   

 

 

I'm trying to figure out why she hasn't even bothered to say "thanks for watching my kid for me."   :confused1:

[Lawana]

Maybe she thinks it is completely acceptable for him to sit outside 3 hours. Maybe she doesn't think of it as babysitting.

[Catwoman]

I don't like confrontation at all.  I might walk him home and casually let mom know that you are willing to let Joe keep a spare house key at your house in case he gets locked out again.  See what she says to that and go from there.

 

  

I would also fall between "don't use me" and "sit on the porch."  Walking him home and suggesting the spare key is a great suggestion.  There is a good chance she's not going to take that sort of subtle hint, but I guess I'd cross that bridge then.

I wouldn't be comfortable having a key to the woman's house. Desert doesn't even know this woman, so I'm sure the last thing she wants is a key to a stranger's home. What if the woman accused her of going into her house and stealing something?

[Catwoman]

He needs a key. You should not be responsible for a key to their house. I have not let my 9yo stay home alone by himself yet, but I think it's an acceptable age. If she's locking him out, she needs to stop doing that and just give him access to the house. Sorry you have to be the one to tell her that.

I agree. I don't like the idea of the poor kid being alone in the house for hours on end, but better safe in the house than sitting alone outside on the front porch.

[MegP]

I would call the police the next time he is locked out and tell them there is a child on your street who is not being properly cared for and there is no parent at home to care for him as he is locked out.

[Guest]

Maybe she thinks it is completely acceptable for him to sit outside 3 hours. Maybe she doesn't think of it as babysitting.

She might.

[Miss Tick]

It's true it's not his fault that his mother is an inconsiderate idiot, but my thinking is, she's making it Desert's problem what to do about her son and so Desert has to make it NOT her problem. As long as there are responsible adults stepping in to pick up the slack, inconsiderate idiots just keep being that. So I'm thinking if Idiot Mom comes home and Joe says, "I've been sitting here locked out for three hours!" she's bound to feel guilt, placing the problem of babysitting her kid back where it belongs - herself.

 

With that said, I do think it is better to clear it up directly.

Quill, I agree with you, but I think you have the wrong filter on your glasses if you think she is going to feel guilt about making him wait outside. She isn't going to feel guilt.

 

They ought to find an outside place to keep a key, because otherwise he will lose it and then be back on your doorstep. Better yet, maybe they could get a keypad for their garage door - if they have an attached garage.

 

Sounds painful, but don't let the situation fester, summer is coming...

[EndOfOrdinary]

As someone who has worked quite a bit with at risk youth of varying ages, this makes my Spidey senses go off. Something is seriously amiss. You do not have to be childcare for this boy, but you might have inadvertantly become his soft place to land. Suggest the key. If necessary, when he comes over have him do homework with your kids. If they have chores, have him tag along. I would just go about life and he can go with you if you are willing. Having him leave while you run an errand or go to practice/lessons is very prudent.

 

I would not call you the unofficial babysitter because I do not think Mom seems to give a second thought about the child. She could careless if he has someone watching him or not. To me this falls under are you willing to take him in.

[Farrar]

I agree that you really need to talk to her, though I'm also a weenie and would hate it.

 

I think you just need to go into it without any assumptions. Say that you have had him over several times when he said he was locked out. That you want him to be able to come over and play sometimes, but that you are trying to understand what his boundaries and rules are. Say that you can't be his official or default destination when he's locked out - you may not be home, may be busy with other things, etc.

 

It sounds like she's pretty free range, which is fine, and she may feel like it's fine for him to be locked out for a few hours. But you don't really know. That's what you need to find out.

[Guest]

Quill, I agree with you, but I think you have the wrong filter on your glasses if you think she is going to feel guilt about making him wait outside. She isn't going to feel guilt.

 

They ought to find an outside place to keep a key, because otherwise he will lose it and then be back on your doorstep. Better yet, maybe they could get a keypad for their garage door - if they have an attached garage.

 

Sounds painful, but don't let the situation fester, summer is coming...

Yeah, it's a good point. I'm mainly meant Desert shouldn't be "adopting" this problem. It is not her problem. She needs to put the responsibility for caring for the kid back on the mom.

[Catwoman]

Quill, I agree with you, but I think you have the wrong filter on your glasses if you think she is going to feel guilt about making him wait outside. She isn't going to feel guilt.

 

They ought to find an outside place to keep a key, because otherwise he will lose it and then be back on your doorstep. Better yet, maybe they could get a keypad for their garage door - if they have an attached garage.

 

Sounds painful, but don't let the situation fester, summer is coming...

Wow, I hadn't even thought about summer -- Desert could go from being a part time free babysitter to a full time free babysitter. :eek:

[Catwoman]

I agree that you really need to talk to her, though I'm also a weenie and would hate it.

 

I think you just need to go into it without any assumptions. Say that you have had him over several times when he said he was locked out. That you want him to be able to come over and play sometimes, but that you are trying to understand what his boundaries and rules are. Say that you can't be his official or default destination when he's locked out - you may not be home, may be busy with other things, etc.

 

It sounds like she's pretty free range, which is fine, and she may feel like it's fine for him to be locked out for a few hours. But you don't really know. That's what you need to find out.

Is it even legal for a parent to lock a kid out of his house for hours while no one is home to look after him? It seems like it shouldn't be allowed.

[abba12]

It's true it's not his fault that his mother is an inconsiderate idiot, but my thinking is, she's making it Desert's problem what to do about her son and so Desert has to make it NOT her problem. As long as there are responsible adults stepping in to pick up the slack, inconsiderate idiots just keep being that. So I'm thinking if Idiot Mom comes home and Joe says, "I've been sitting here locked out for three hours!" she's bound to feel guilt, placing the problem of babysitting her kid back where it belongs - herself.

 

With that said, I do think it is better to clear it up directly.

 

With what has been described, I'm suspecting the parent will have no problem with her kid sitting on the porch for 3 hours and I don't think guilt will be involved. If she was concerned she wouldn't have taken 3 hours to return last time. Turning him away would just end up punishing the kid and i doubt it would change the parent's actions in any way. 

[Lawana]

I agree that you really need to talk to her, though I'm also a weenie and would hate it.

 

I think you just need to go into it without any assumptions. Say that you have had him over several times when he said he was locked out. That you want him to be able to come over and play sometimes, but that you are trying to understand what his boundaries and rules are. Say that you can't be his official or default destination when he's locked out - you may not be home, may be busy with other things, etc.

 

It sounds like she's pretty free range, which is fine, and she may feel like it's fine for him to be locked out for a few hours. But you don't really know. That's what you need to find out.

I agree. As uncomfortable as it may be, you could drive yourself crazy not knowing what her thinking is about the whole situation. This is a conversation you must have. Even if to be told it is fine (from her perspective) for him to be sitting outside for hours on his own. That way you can make a decision about what boundaries you must have for you and your family.

[MotherGoose]

I agree with pp. something is very wrong here, and it's not you. I cannot Imagine doing this to my 9 yo. I'd be direct with her, even if you don't want to: I'm concerned about your child. I don't mind having him over and I like him, but sometimes I'm not able to watch him. He wants to have a place to go every day after school but sometimes I can't be home.

[Lawana]

You might want to look up the local laws regarding unsupervised children just to be aware.

[Farrar]

Is it even legal for a parent to lock a kid out of his house for hours while no one is home to look after him? It seems like it shouldn't be allowed.

 

I think it depends on the jurisdiction. Some places have no specific laws. It would not be illegal here. And, in fact, I know that there are some kids who can't really go home after school is over and end up just hanging out at the rec or the park, usually under the "supervision" of an older cousin or sibling, though not even that much sometimes.

 

I have let my kids be locked out for awhile on purpose... The other day I forgot to give them a key after we left a museum separately because I had to get to a doctor's appointment and I let them take the subway home without me so they had to hang out in the yard and at the corner park for a good while. But... they're a little older and I probably never did it quite that young or that long. It does seem... not awesome, I have to admit, even as a free ranger. Like, I doubt he's in any real danger, but I also wouldn't be comfortable with that and I am, by most people's standards, extremely free range. But I'm not sure what the backstory is or why it keeps happening. 

 

When I was about that age, I was involved in a massive battle with my mother. She wanted me to go to this aftercare program after school and I loathed it. So I would "pretend" that I forgot to get on that bus and instead get on the bus to go home. And then I would sit on the porch for three hours and read and nap on the grass and then we'd have these nasty stare downs when she got home. It took two or three months but at the end of it, I got a key.

[Anne in CA]

If she has custody issues and her ex found out it could be really bad. I am surprised a single parent would take this sort of risk??? The whole situation is "off" to me. 

[Catwoman]

I would call the police the next time he is locked out and tell them there is a child on your street who is not being properly cared for and there is no parent at home to care for him as he is locked out.

If nothing else, it's worth calling them just to find out what the local laws say about a 9yo being locked out of the house for hours when no parent is at home.

 

I'm a little worried that if Desert calls the police when the parents aren't home, the boy might get scared and think he was in trouble. That's why I think a conversation with the mom is the first thing to do.

[momacacia]

You might want to look up the local laws regarding unsupervised children just to be aware.

And, you don't have to "be home" or answer your door, just because someone knocks.

 

ETA: I would also consider your whole legal liability in something like this. The kid lies, something happens at your house, will he lie about you, he has no real permission to be on your property, etc. Things worth considering.

Edited March 3, 2017 by momacacia

[cjzimmer1]

I would probably do something like go buy those fake rock keyholders or something else that could be used to hide a spare key on their property.  And then when you take him home, say something like Joe seems to keep getting locked out, I bought you this thing to hide a spare key in so when that happens he can let himself in you house instead of hunting around the neighborhood for a place to wait for you.

 

Besides does she really expect him to hang outside for hours in the cold, rain, or hot (depending on your climate) till she gets around to coming home?

[DesertBlossom]

You all are going to be so proud of me! I got the nerve to talk to stepdad when he got home. (3.5 hours later) Maybe I imagined it, but I think he tried to hurry inside when he saw me coming, but I caught up with him anyway. He says Joe is supposed to be going to an aftercare program when his mom works later but he hasn't been going. I was trying to be nice but I got the impression he didn't want to talk to me about it. I think he was annoyed at Joe for not having gone to the program and for me having to involve myself in it. I asked if Joe had a key or something and he said he wasn't responsible enough for it. He said they were going to work it out.

 

When I was about that age, I was involved in a massive battle with my mother. She wanted me to go to this aftercare program after school and I loathed it. So I would "pretend" that I forgot to get on that bus and instead get on the bus to go home. And then I would sit on the porch for three hours and read and nap on the grass and then we'd have these nasty stare downs when she got home. It took two or three months but at the end of it, I got a key.

Quoting because this was spot on! Edited March 3, 2017 by DesertBlossom

[amo_mea_filiis.]

Is it even legal for a parent to lock a kid out of his house for hours while no one is home to look after him? It seems like it shouldn't be allowed.

I don't see how. In PA, a child of any age can stay home alone provided they have access to reach emergency services (i.e. Call 911). If they were home alone, but locked out, how would they get help?

 

Even in states with minimum ages, I think the access to help is always needed.

[foxbridgeacademy]

I would talk to her.  I'd mention that we're not always home or can't always play, offer to keep a spare key (as PP suggested) because state law says XXXXX and someone might think you are neglecting your child and call CPS. :glare: (maybe me, lady). 

 

Or for those who are non-confrontational: here's my #, next time you think you're going to be late call me to see if I can watch him.  

[DesertBlossom]

It also doesn't really surprise me that there was a part of the story Joe wasn't telling me. I asked him what his mom expected him to do when she wasn't there and he looked all innocent and wide-eyed and said he didn't know. He knew he was supposed to be going to that program. At least now he knows I know and he can quit pretending he's been accidentally locked out.

 

I can't blame him for preferring our house over the after-care program. But I definitely don't want to be responsible for him.

Edited March 3, 2017 by DesertBlossom

[amo_mea_filiis.]

https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubPDFs/homealone.pdf

 

On page 3, right side, it does recommend having a plan for getting locked out.

[zoobie]

I don't see how. In PA, a child of any age can stay home alone provided they have access to reach emergency services (i.e. Call 911). If they were home alone, but locked out, how would they get help?

 

Even in states with minimum ages, I think the access to help is always needed.

Access to help, shelter and a restroom! Sounds like it's in the suburbs and not an urban area with parks and such. If it's storming, the kid should have a safe place. And water and food. Something is very off with this situation. You need to talk to the mom ASAP before you have him all summer. I wouldn't go straight for calling the police, but I might call DFACS depending on mom's reaction. Poor guy. :(

[lllll]

I'd mail her a flyer spelling out my hourly rate for babysitting.

 

I once did something slightly similar.  I had been babysitting an elementary kid.  One day his mother dropped him off and told me he "might have a fever".  Well, the kid was VERY sick (too sick for school), and it turned out to be the actual FLU and he gave it to our entire family, including my preschoolers.  I was furious.  So after it was all over, I sent her a bill for the doctor.  Of course, she never paid it (didn't really think she would).  And I also quit babysitting at the same time.

 

That might solve the problem, OP.  Just add up your hours every week and send her the bill.  But, then, she might just pay it and you'd be stuck babysitting.  Oh well.  

[Catwoman]

It also doesn't really surprise me that there was a part of the story Joe wasn't telling me. I asked him what his mom expected him to do when she wasn't there and he looked all innocent and wide-eyed and said he didn't know. He knew he was supposed to be going to that program. At least now he knows I know and he can quit pretending he's been accidentally locked out.

I can't blame him for preferring our house over the after-care program. But I definitely don't want to be responsible for him.

I can definitely blame him for lying to you -- and apparently he was quite convincing. Are you sure you can trust him to be honest and truthful about other things? If not, this may not be a child you want inside your home or playing with your kids.

 

He might be a great kid who simply hates the afterschool program -- perhaps he's being bullied or he doesn't like the other kids -- but I think you should definitely keep an eye on him to be sure he's not the problem here.

[DesertBlossom]

I can definitely blame him for lying to you -- and apparently he was quite convincing. Are you sure you can trust him to be honest and truthful about other things? If not, this may not be a child you want inside your home or playing with your kids.

 

He might be a great kid who simply hates the afterschool program -- perhaps he's being bullied or he doesn't like the other kids -- but I think you should definitely keep an eye on him to be sure he's not the problem here.

No, I don't totally trust him. Which is why I didn't like being stuck with him and not being able to send him home. But he's going to have to take a break from our house. He's already mostly burned the bridge with the one other boy his age on our block.

[Annie G]

After school programs here are pretty diligent to corral kids who are supposed to attend so they don't get on the bus-  I'm having a tough time with him ditching the program and nobody doing anything. Have his parents not called the school to let them know this is happening? I guess I'm just a little suspicious that you were being used as babysitter until you called them on it. 

 

But glad you talked to the stepdad and you know now to check up if he shows up again. 

[DesertBlossom]

After school programs here are pretty diligent to corral kids who are supposed to attend so they don't get on the bus- I'm having a tough time with him ditching the program and nobody doing anything. Have his parents not called the school to let them know this is happening? I guess I'm just a little suspicious that you were being used as babysitter until you called them on it.

 

But glad you talked to the stepdad and you know now to check up if he shows up again.

School is close enough to walk. And it doesn't sound like he is supposed to go every day. Just the days mom works late. So if his schedule varies I could see how he would get away with skipping when he wasn't supposed to. At least until now. Both parents seemed pretty annoyed with him, so I assume they are going to nip that in the bud.

 

I feel like I fool for having believed him when I knew he has a problem with lying. In my defense I have had him call her before and I tried calling yesterday to confirm. Maybe I should have been more diligent about calling her *every time* he gave me that line to double check his story and we would have cleared this up sooner.

Edited March 3, 2017 by DesertBlossom

[Catwoman]

No, I don't totally trust him. Which is why I didn't like being stuck with him and not being able to send him home. But he's going to have to take a break from our house. He's already mostly burned the bridge with the one other boy his age on our block.

  

School is close enough to walk. And it doesn't sound like he is supposed to go every day. Just the days mom works late. So if his schedule varies I could see how he would get away with skipping when he wasn't supposed to. At least until now. Both parents seemed pretty annoyed with him, so I assume they are going to nip that in the bud.

I feel like I fool for having believed him when I knew he has a problem with lying. In my defense I have had him call her before and I tried calling yesterday to confirm. Maybe I should have been more diligent about calling her *every time* he gave me that line to double check his story and we would have cleared this up sooner.

If you know this boy has a problem with lying, you don't want him around your kids. You don't want him in your yard, and you most certainly don't want him in your house. Your children shouldn't have to play with a liar, and if the kid is a convincing liar and accuses you, your dh, or one of your kids of mistreating him or molesting him, it could be a real nightmare for your family.

 

I'm not saying he would do anything like that, but unless you can be sure he won't, I would steer clear of him and tell your children to do the same. Have you talked with the other neighbor kid's mom to find out how the boy "burned the bridge" with their son?

[DesertBlossom]

 

If you know this boy has a problem with lying, you don't want him around your kids. You don't want him in your yard, and you most certainly don't want him in your house. Your children shouldn't have to play with a liar, and if the kid is a convincing liar and accuses you, your dh, or one of your kids of mistreating him or molesting him, it could be a real nightmare for your family.

 

I'm not saying he would do anything like that, but unless you can be sure he won't, I would steer clear of him and tell your children to do the same. Have you talked with the other neighbor kid's mom to find out how the boy "burned the bridge" with their son?

I know. I know. It's a conversation I have had with DH a lot. We don't have a lot of kids on our street and a lot of them are mine. One the one hand, I don't want him being a bad influence on my kids. But on the other hand I would hope they could be a good influence on him. My kids recognize that his behavior isn't okay. My oldest will call him out on things and tell him to go home. I have kind of hoped he'd figure out that being a punk loses you friends and stop. The problem is with our beautiful weather the kids are playing outside all afternoon and they end up playing together. Sometimes I tell him I don't want extra kids inside so he can only play with mine if they happen to be outside. 😶

 

I think he's just been ornery to the other boy on the street and says mean things, etc so he doesn't want to play with him.

[Tap]

UPDATE: I responded below about my conversation with dad. Well, mom got home and came down to talk to me. Apparently I've been totally played by this kid. In addition to skipping the aftercare program that he is supposed to stay at, sometimes he just gives me the "my mom isn't home line" even when she is home because he knows I will let him stay. That's what I get for not calling or texting his mom or walking my lazy bum down the road to verify. (Actually, I did call her yesterday but she said she didn't get that message.) Anyway. Now that he knows that I know that he's a liar liar pants on fire, hopefully this will stop. I am inclined to have a conversation with him about needing to trust him if he's going to play at my house. All my kids regularly accuse him of lying so it's obviously a problem.

 

 

snip...

But....doesn't she know he isn't going to after care?  What happens when she goes to pick him up and he is not there? Or if she works there, doesn't she notice he is not there?  She is fine with her 9yo  kid running around where ever he pleases, unsupervised, and with no adult knowing where he is?  It isn't like he is checking in with her and then going to play with friends.   

 

That would be easy enough to nip in the bud by telling the school to require that he rides the bus to a specific location instead of letting a 9yo to get on the bus of his choice each day. 

 

What about the day, with the repair place?  She obviously wasn't home that day.

And two other days....he says she isn't home, but then she doesn't answer her phone or respond to the message about the whereabouts of her kid?  

 

I am thinking that the kid is not the only person with a lying problem. 

Edited March 3, 2017 by Tap

[Twigs]

…. But on the other hand I would hope they could be a good influence on him. …

Being a good influence for a neighbor child is not their job.

[zoobie]

Being a good influence for a neighbor child is not their job.

 

This. It's your job to keep them safe and make sure the people around them are good influences on them. Trust your gut. It's been telling you that something is hinky with this kid. 

[DesertBlossom]

Being a good influence for a neighbor child is not their job.

 

I realize that.  But no kid is perfect. And I haven't felt like anything he did warranted more than just closer supervision when he's over. 

Today was kind of a tipping point though. Up until today, I knew he'd been lying about things, but they were mostly dumb things. He's taken it to a new level. He won't be back at our house for a while. (Though I can't really keep my kids from interacting with him when they are going up and down the street)  Maybe I should start a new thread about the conversation I should have with him, if I have one at all. I feel a little bit like he should know that he won't be allowed back at our house because of the lying, and give him an opportunity to decide if telling lies is worth it.

 

Truth be told, we will be moving in the next few months, so this will become a non-issue shortly no matter what.

[Catwoman]

Being a good influence for a neighbor child is not their job.

  

This. It's your job to keep them safe and make sure the people around them are good influences on them. Trust your gut. It's been telling you that something is hinky with this kid.

 

:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

 

This. Exactly.