Katy Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 Wow. That is gorgeous. I formally disavow any earlier comments made. That was a work of art, and I would have been upset by that getting ruined too. I was picturing a simple gown made of satin & tailored to her measurements, not a piece of couture. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Butter Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 I find it interesting the different perspecives between the people who do handmake special items for others and those who don't. Nope. For many posts, it is not possible to tell if they have handmade special items for people. Mine is one of them. I have handmade special things for others. I still say it's just a thing and it served the purpose of what it was for. I can guarantee my mom would've just laughed if my sister came home from prom in a drenched homemade formal dress. (She didn't make dresses for me because I made mine myself... and I couldn't wear my sister's because we are two very, very different body shapes.) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted April 25, 2016 Author Share Posted April 25, 2016 Inspired by: But she really didn't want strapless because she wants to move and dance and have fun without tugging at the front of her gown 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted April 25, 2016 Author Share Posted April 25, 2016 Wow. That is gorgeous. I formally disavow any earlier comments made. That was a work of art, and I would have been upset by that getting ruined too. I was picturing a simple gown made of satin & tailored to her measurements, not a piece of couture. Yeah, it was the hand sewing that did me in. Hours and hours of stitching that darn applique into place. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 I was thinking this exact same thing! I was so glad to hear that around here, the trend seems to be that the crazy fun happens AT the proms, and the kids go home with their parents afterward. That's so different from our day, where the prom was fun, and formal, and had dinner and dancing, and the after-proms were when the kids got casual and went to hotels for sex and drinking and drugs. I vastly prefer the new mindset! As for the dress, I'm in the same camp as those who would be glad that it served its purpose and that she had such a good time at her prom. However, those trash-the-dress pictures make me want to vomit. I have no problem if a dress (or other handmade or expensive item) gets ruined while having spontaneous fun during the course of the event it was intended for. But intentional destruction just for photos, with the specific goal of ruining something someone else could use and love? Breaks my tree-hugging, reducing/reusing/recycling heart. I just want to note. Not I and not anyone I chose to hang out with got crap faced drunk, drugged or had sex prom night or got hotel rooms. (Which teens couldn't have done anyways. Their mom or dad likely paid for it. It's not any different than adults buying a keg for their underage kids IMO. The theory that as long as they know they are doing something stupid and dangerous it's somehow better parenting theory.) We did the formal dinner at a very fancy resturant and the formal prom thing, then our personal after prom plans. Our personal group of friends all got together at a friend's house and hung out in the jacuzzi (we all brought swim suits), played cards, and drank virgin versions of drinks because we all had to drive and/or would have gotten skinned alive by our parents if we'd shown up anywhere drunk or drugged. The theme of prom having to be some orgy drug den was not the norm for most of us in high school. Sure we knew some who it was, but it wasn't the norm and it wasn't so expected that our parents were just so glad we survived they didn't have any other expectations of us. If it had been, I highly doubt most of us would have been allowed to attend. I would have, but my parents would have been the outliers. I'm not sure my parents even knew I attended prom, so I could have gone to a orgy drug den for all they knew. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valley Girl Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 If I thought they were highly likely to get drunk, stoned, laid or dead - I'd probably not let them go, much less pay a small fortune to attend. That's a pretty low bar of basic expectations of the next generation. Sure, I don't want my teens do to that stuff either, but it is not the sum total of my expectations for them either. Exactly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 One of my sons went to a fancy prom, then afterwards they changed clothes and went glow bowling. At another one of his friends went to the formal prom, then they watched Carrie out at a farm, using the back of the barn as the movie screen, with a bonfire and roasting treats and cider. Adults chaperoned all events. They didn't hover, but they made sure no one was getting drunk, kept them fed, and basicly were there to safeguard that sanity was mostly maintained. And to clean up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 Inspired by: But she really didn't want strapless because she wants to move and dance and have fun without tugging at the front of her gown Your version is so much prettier. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 First of all, the dress is fantastic. Well done. I've done historical costuming an I know what can go into a dress. Secondly, I'm not sure it's realistic to expect a teen at an event, getting into a play fight with a bunch of friends to spend much time thinking about, "Oh dear, what if this water thing escalates and my dress is ruined. It will be disappointing to my younger siblings who may inherit it and my mother who spent so much time on it. " We're taking about giddy teens here. How many articles of clothing has she worn in her life that would be permanently damaged by water? How many hours has she spent making wearable clothing? How knowledgeable is she about fabric care? It's not going to be on her radar at her age with her life experience. Having fun with her friends is going to be on her radar. She thinks like a kid at a party because she's still a kid at a party. I've actually had this talk with my quilter's guild about making gifts for kids and teens. If you're going to make a gift you don't want to get damaged and dirty, make a wall hanging. If you make something for a kid or a teen, expect them to treat it accordingly by making it a cape, a fort, a bed in the dirt, to drip ice cream and snot on it, to rumple it into a pile on the floor or back of the closet, to do homework on it with a leaky pen, eat Cheetos on it, etc. Then I launch into to how to do a few different kinds of repairs. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 It rained at our prom and a lot of effort went into making sure no one had to get rained on, or at least the ladies did not get rained on. There was a covered drive put up they could be dropped off at, and huge golf umbrellas were being passed around from the front of the entrance to the back so that the sideways rain could be avoided. All the limos dropped off at the drive and all the couples not in limos dropped off the ladies and the men were given umbrellas at the parking lot so they could make the dash as least soaked as possible. In my kids' experience, too much money had been spent at the salon on hair up-dos to not avoid getting rained on! Also, my kids always took along clothing changes for after the dance, when they were hanging out and behaving as teens do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 In my kids' experience, too much money had been spent at the salon on hair up-dos to not avoid getting rained on! Also, my kids always took along clothing changes for after the dance, when they were hanging out and behaving as teens do. I know, right? I paid for my hair to be done professionally, I got my nails done, I paid a lot to me for the stupid dress, had to have shoes dyed to match it. Oh and I had to buy this special bra thingy because it was a spaggetti strap dress. It was a lot of money from my savings account for a teen working full time. If someone had tossed a water balloon at me - oh Lordy. I'd probably have punched them in the face. Hard. And yep, most of us brought swim suits and a change of clothing. A couple girls didn't bring a change of clothing, but even they brought a change of shoes. No gal wants to wear heels longer than she really has to. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 My shock was evident. I was totally flabbergasted. Just quietly said, "When someone spends that kind of time on a gift for you, you don't have water fights in it." and told her to go to bed. I don't think that you should have said this. You made a dress for her because you wanted to. To then expect her to use and enjoy it only in the ways you desire is not really your call. Personally, I think that ending prom with a water fight sounds like a ton of fun. I wouldn't mention anything else about it unless it were to apologize for trying to dictate what your dd does with something that was a gift. Gifts with strings aren't really gifts. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 I don't think it was wrong to point out that you don't disrespectfully use gifts. We as moms are long-suffering no matter what our kids do, but someone else would be hurt to see an almost-adult treat an elaborate gift carelessly. The next time it could be her grandparent, godparent, her boyfriend's mom or sister. My kids' riding teacher makes quilts for the kids' graduation presents. No way is that something the youngsters can treat any old way they want. I think OP was right to correct her child and then let it go. Especially since it was really uncertain whether the dress was ruined at that point. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Supertechmom Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 I'm 45 and I am thinking that perhaps my next formal dress up will involve a water fight. I wish I had been able to let loose and have fun like that in my teen years. Next formal is going to be whole lot more fun! And that dress is pretty! 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 My point wasn't that one ought to have low expectations. My point was to help put this situation in perspective. Seriously, in the scheme of life, this is so minor as to hardly be worth a second thought. (And for the record, I did neither drugs nor drink, nor anything sexual, on my own prom night.) I get that feelings were hurt, but the daughter did nothing wrong. Hopefully that point isn't lost. Gifts shouldn't come with "proper usage" expectations. Either give freely from the heart, or don't give at all. But I will say, it was a beautiful dress. Kudos to the seamstress! Oh geez. Well almost anything in the scheme of life that isn't death shouldn't be given a second thought I suppose. It's not like she beat the girl with a cane of shame or something. She calmly stated a grown up reality for a daughter that is nearly a grown up and old enough to be informed of such things. No big deal. Common parenting life stuff to me. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 Well, if water fights are to be expected at formal teen events, then don't expect moms to go to all that trouble with dresses. It seems to me you can't have your cake and eat it too. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 Well, if water fights are to be expected at formal teen events, then don't expect moms to go to all that trouble with dresses. It seems to me you can't have your cake and eat it too. Indeed. There are all the times they aren't in their Sunday best or formal attire for water fights and I wouldn't have thought anything of it. But if we were coming out of church or a formal event? Not happy at all. Goodness, we were just talking yesterday about my 7 yr old daughter's upcoming first holy communion. Her dress is solid white lace silk and beads. Both her older sisters also wore it. We consider it an heirloom item. At 7, she is very aware she will need to be extra careful while wearing it and so excited about her special day. She is planning on changing clothes after mass and before the reception so she doesn't have to worry about ruining it with cake frosting drops or punch spills or just dirt playing with other kids her age. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 I don't think it was wrong to point out that you don't disrespectfully use gifts. I just can't see how having a water fight is disrespectfully using a dress. I mean, you go to prom to have fun, right? Or do you go so that you can have a pristine dress to then hang in your closet for years and years until you get tired of toting it around and finally throw it out? 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 A prom that ends in a water fight and not hungover kids or auto accidents or pregnancy is a GOOD prom. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wintermom Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 To the OP, that is a very beautiful dress, and obviously took a lot of work to design and complete. I would have been very disappointed if my dd behaved the way your dd did. You have self-restraint beyond compare. I hope your dd did eventually apologize, and has shown some respect for your loving gift. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbutton Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 I don't think it was wrong to point out that you don't disrespectfully use gifts. We as moms are long-suffering no matter what our kids do, but someone else would be hurt to see an almost-adult treat an elaborate gift carelessly. The next time it could be her grandparent, godparent, her boyfriend's mom or sister. My kids' riding teacher makes quilts for the kids' graduation presents. No way is that something the youngsters can treat any old way they want. I think OP was right to correct her child and then let it go. Especially since it was really uncertain whether the dress was ruined at that point. I also think it's reasonable for some (not all) types of gifts to come with strings. Not to be absurd, but if someone gives their kids a car, do we expect them to bump into everything with it and not care? No. Do we understand that accidents happen? Yes. I have heirlooms that have been passed down, and I have passed on personal items that were given to me by significant people in my life. Some of them have broken, but it wasn't because they were being used inconsiderately or mindlessly. I did one time deface something semi-important (but meant to be used and to withstand wear and tear) because TV shows and children's books had convinced me that we "customize" things we love with initials and whatnot. I was about 9, and that was the last time I did something like that, not because I was chastised or made to feel bad, but because someone helped me understand that not everyone agreed that things like initials carved into things is appropriate, and i could always ask. My parent responded much like the OP did--expressed disappointment (with an explanation since I was genuinely confused), and it worked out fine. My husband comes from a long line of impulsive people and an impulsive family. He's the most careful of the bunch in spite of having his own challenges with forgetfulness and the like. He's still very, very disturbed (though not bitter) that his brother was given a sentimental gift that was completely disregarded and lost. He would've liked to have had it if it was going to be wasted. Or, ideally, he would've simply liked his parents to wait for his brother to know how to handle such a gift and then give it to him. (There was a wide trail of evidence that this gift would not have been appreciated or cared for!) Kids do disappoint, and I think we need to be prepared for that, and I think it's okay to be upset. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmseB Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 That's gorgeous! My sewing skills are such that if I sewed on that applique I would have been honestly worried about it coming off with all the dancing and such, nevermind a water fight. So glad it wasn't ruined. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 I just can't see how having a water fight is disrespectfully using a dress. I mean, you go to prom to have fun, right? Or do you go so that you can have a pristine dress to then hang in your closet for years and years until you get tired of toting it around and finally throw it out? I guess we were just raised differently. I would not have dared to have a water fight in my church or school clothes as a kid, let alone a formal dress. I don't see how anyone can view that as appropriate behavior, especially for someone older than, say, 5. You dress appropriately for the activity. And no, in my world, you don't go to prom to have a water fight. You go to act like you're an adult at a formal event. When I go to formal events, I don't throw water on people. So far I've never had anyone throw water on me in a dress either. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 I guess we were just raised differently. I would not have dared to have a water fight in my church or school clothes as a kid, let alone a formal dress. I don't see how anyone can view that as appropriate behavior, especially for someone older than, say, 5. You dress appropriately for the activity. And no, in my world, you don't go to prom to have a water fight. You go to act like you're an adult at a formal event. When I go to formal events, I don't throw water on people. So far I've never had anyone throw water on me in a dress either. How on earth would water hurt school clothes?? I'm assuming they get washed in water on a regular basis, right? Had she had a food fight, I'd understand the angst. But I wouldn't expect water to stain it, unless she'd been told it was dry clean only, etc. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmseB Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 (edited) I guess we were just raised differently. I would not have dared to have a water fight in my church or school clothes as a kid, let alone a formal dress. I don't see how anyone can view that as appropriate behavior, especially for someone older than, say, 5. You dress appropriately for the activity. And no, in my world, you don't go to prom to have a water fight. You go to act like you're an adult at a formal event. When I go to formal events, I don't throw water on people. So far I've never had anyone throw water on me in a dress either. Well, yeah, but at an adult formal event I wouldn't expect everyone to be dancing to a song called Ghetto Superstar, either. And I went to a totally white bread high school. Kids were goofy. No one I knew at prom was acting like an adult, even if they were dressed formally. They were acting like teens who were about to be set free from high school. Goofy and crazy. A water fight would be about the least stupid thing that could happen. Edited April 25, 2016 by JodiSue 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shanezomom Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 You are one cool mom! You made a beautiful dress oozing with love and I think you are wonderful for holding your tongue and bouncing your feelings around on this board instead of saying things to dd that you would regret. Nothing worse than saying something you can't take back. And I think it's better that she had a blast instead of sitting having a dreadful time or crying on her dress from boredom. You sound wonderful!! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 I don't see how anyone can view that as appropriate behavior, especially for someone older than, say, 5. You dress appropriately for the activity. And no, in my world, you don't go to prom to have a water fight. You go to act like you're an adult at a formal event. When I go to formal events, I don't throw water on people. So far I've never had anyone throw water on me in a dress either. Well, I guess I'm not older than 5, then. :D I was recently at a wedding that involved water guns and sprinklers. The people who got married were definitely adults, so I guess we have different ideas on how adults are allowed to behave. No one I know actually enjoys stuffy, formal events. They do enjoy relaxed events, even if they are wearing their big-people clothes. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JumpyTheFrog Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 When did the choice become the false dichotomy of having a water fight in formal clothes vs. being terrified of all accidental stains and damage and therefore standing around like a mannequin and not having fun? 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeWillSoar Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 Oh, hooray! I was hoping you'd post a picture! That's incredibly beautiful, and I can see why you'd be hurt, at least initially. While I'm on the side of the more relaxed attitude toward this, I'm surprised that more people haven't had experience with water ruining formal fabrics. As you mentioned, I've had to try to iron out puckers in dresses that got wet, and I've seen dresses that end up with water rings that don't come out, etc. That happened to my own prom dress, in fact. Thankfully it was not a dress I ever needed after that! Water definitely impacts many formal fabrics badly, and they're never the same again. I had something like this happen to a bridesmaid's dress that I was intending to sell. There was a light spot on it so I took a damp wash cloth to try and get it off. Well it came off but now there is a water ring on the fabric. :crying: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 When did the choice become the false dichotomy of having a water fight in formal clothes vs. being terrified of all accidental stains and damage and therefore standing around like a mannequin and not having fun? No kidding. There's more options than: A. Water fight in formal clothes at formal event B. Get drunk/drugged and have sex and likely die C. Be so bored and left out that they are sitting alone crying as outcasts There's also D. get dressed formal for a formal event and have a nice time like adults usually do hanging out with their friends in celebration with good food, safe drinks, and hearty conversation. Possibly changing clothes to go do something more casual and active later, but still unlikely to involve anything in options A, B or C. I don't know what the heck is going on where everyone else lives, but if I felt the first three options were the only things I could reasonably expect from prom, I'd for sure not bother with the expense and I for sure wouldn't want my teen there. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shawthorne44 Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 I am so happy that the dress was OK! That is an amazing dress, and a labor of love. This wasn't a one-use dress like some people are with their wedding dresses. She risked trashing it. I say that as both a sewer and someone that has let DD (aged 5) get totally soaked in a fancy dress many times. But, that is because I bought the dresses used for $5, and no matter what the label says, I am washing it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 Yeah, I thought the main activity at a prom was dancing / socializing to music. Shows what I don't know. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 How on earth would water hurt school clothes?? I'm assuming they get washed in water on a regular basis, right? Had she had a food fight, I'd understand the angst. But I wouldn't expect water to stain it, unless she'd been told it was dry clean only, etc. I'm not SKL, but I suspect in that case it's not about damage, it's about what is considered appropriate and expected behavior. You just didn't have a water fight in school clothes, especially at school, for the same reasons you don't usually wear nothing but a bikini to Sunday services or a business meeting. Because in certain places, certain clothing and behaviors are expected and some are very much not. Our parish has a thing, sorta like vbs, each summer and the final day the fire trucks come and hose the kids down for water fun. Most days all the kids wear shorts and shirts. They make a big deal about making sure parents know so the kids don't get in trouble for wearing the wrong clothes or shoes or upsetting whoever picks them by having to let sopping wet kids slide into the seats of heir cars with no towels to protect the seat or whatever. A lot of parents would be very unhappy to be surprised their kid had a huge water fight when they came to pick them up regardless of whether it ruined the clothes or not. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 Since I'm the only one who mentioned "choice B", I can only assume that you are purposefully ignoring my actual intention and my explanation I provided already. There is no need to twist my words. You aren't the only one to mention how they'd just be grateful their kid didn't get drunk, had sex or died. I'm sorry you had an painful weekend. I hope the rest of your week improves and everyone comes through okay. But no, none of my posts, even those quoting you, are directed at you personally as a mother. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 I'm not SKL, but I suspect in that case it's not about damage, it's about what is considered appropriate and expected behavior. You just didn't have a water fight in school clothes, especially at school, for the same reasons you don't usually wear nothing but a bikini to Sunday services or a business meeting. Because in certain places, certain clothing and behaviors are expected and some are very much not. Our parish has a thing, sorta like vbs, each summer and the final day the fire trucks come and hose the kids down for water fun. Most days all the kids wear shorts and shirts. They make a big deal about making sure parents know so the kids don't get in trouble for wearing the wrong clothes or shoes or upsetting whoever picks them by having to let sopping wet kids slide into the seats of heir cars with no towels to protect the seat or whatever. A lot of parents would be very unhappy to be surprised their kid had a huge water fight when they came to pick them up regardless of whether it ruined the clothes or not. Still don't get it, but willing to assume it is either regional or some other cultural difference. Where I live you wear the same stuff to school and to play, you didn't change after school or anything. And if the clothes are fine, meh. Sometimes half of the fun of something like a water fight is doing it when you would least expect it. That said, IF the daughter knew the fabric might be damaged by water, I would be upset she got it wet. If she didn't know that or think of it (as I probably wouldn't as I don't buy things that can't be washed in water) then I wouldn't be upset. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnMyOwn Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 I would be sad and I would talk to her about it. I am very much one to put people above things. When one of my children has accidentally broken something, I have not gotten upset, because I understand it is an accident and their feelings are more important than the thing. But, this dress was not a thing. It was a labor of love that was treated carelessly. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 I'm not SKL, but I suspect in that case it's not about damage, it's about what is considered appropriate and expected behavior. You just didn't have a water fight in school clothes, especially at school, for the same reasons you don't usually wear nothing but a bikini to Sunday services or a business meeting. Because in certain places, certain clothing and behaviors are expected and some are very much not. Our parish has a thing, sorta like vbs, each summer and the final day the fire trucks come and hose the kids down for water fun. Most days all the kids wear shorts and shirts. They make a big deal about making sure parents know so the kids don't get in trouble for wearing the wrong clothes or shoes or upsetting whoever picks them by having to let sopping wet kids slide into the seats of heir cars with no towels to protect the seat or whatever. A lot of parents would be very unhappy to be surprised their kid had a huge water fight when they came to pick them up regardless of whether it ruined the clothes or not. That's part of it, yes, but there's more too. School clothes were not necessarily washed after each wear. Clothes wear out faster the more often you wash them. My clothes had to be handed down. Also, many school uniforms / dresses were (are?) made of material such as wool which you don't wash unless you want it to be doll clothes afterwards. Even if not wool, having to figure out what to do with a wet dress - especially one the kid was supposed to wear again between washes - is an issue. I was a latchkey kid, so who knows what I would have done with a sopping wet dress after coming home from school? And the shoes .... Further, water fights are a form of horseplay that often leads to general horseplay, which often leads to stains and rips. And you probably put your school bag down and it either got wet or lost .... Granted, I don't have all of these issues with my kids. But I don't expect them to come home from school dripping wet or dirty. Thing is, there is a time and place for everything, and this can be understood at a pretty young age. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmseB Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 I just can't fathom a water fight being delinquent behavior. I'm sorry that's beyond me, but it is. My kids getting wet, even in "good" or "nice" clothes just isn't on my radar as bad. Grease, food, or mud? Sure. Or, if they go and get soaked before an event, my hackles are up. Or if they were explicitly told not to get wet for some reason and directly disobeyed. I get all that. A water fight after a teen party? Or a squirt gun fight after school? I can't see it as something so far out there behavior wise. And most people I know consider me fairly strict. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 (edited) I just can't fathom a water fight being delinquent behavior. I'm sorry that's beyond me, but it is. My kids getting wet, even in "good" or "nice" clothes just isn't on my radar as bad. Grease, food, or mud? Sure. Or, if they go and get soaked before an event, my hackles are up. Or if they were explicitly told not to get wet for some reason and directly disobeyed. I get all that. A water fight after a teen party? Or a squirt gun fight after school? I can't see it as something so far out there behavior wise. And most people I know consider me fairly strict. Me either. But maybe that's a factor of where you live? We grew up playing in sprinklers nearly daily, pools, beach, etc. Water was just the norm when it's hot and humid most of the year. (South Florida). Of course, the other thing was that in half an hour to an hour you'd be dry again. But we often went swimming in our clothes, either in a pool or at the beach. It wasn't unusual. Edited April 25, 2016 by ktgrok 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 I don't consider the prom just "a teen party." I expect teens to act differently if they are dressed formally. Maybe I'm crazy. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 Me either. But maybe that's a factor of where you live? We grew up playing in sprinklers nearly daily, pools, beach, etc. Water was just the norm when it's hot and humid most of the year. (South Florida). We did those things too, but we put on a bathing suit first. It was probably a factor of not having a ton of clothes and not always having a way to conveniently wash clothes. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsheresomewhere Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 That's part of it, yes, but there's more too. School clothes were not necessarily washed after each wear. Clothes wear out faster the more often you wash them. My clothes had to be handed down. Also, many school uniforms / dresses were (are?) made of material such as wool which you don't wash unless you want it to be doll clothes afterwards. Even if not wool, having to figure out what to do with a wet dress - especially one the kid was supposed to wear again between washes - is an issue. I was a latchkey kid, so who knows what I would have done with a sopping wet dress after coming home from school? And the shoes .... Further, water fights are a form of horseplay that often leads to general horseplay, which often leads to stains and rips. And you probably put your school bag down and it either got wet or lost .... Granted, I don't have all of these issues with my kids. But I don't expect them to come home from school dripping wet or dirty. Thing is, there is a time and place for everything, and this can be understood at a pretty young age. I can't imagine not getting your school clothes dirty. We played hard at school and we came home everyday stinky and dirty. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 But we often went swimming in our clothes, either in a pool or at the beach. It wasn't unusual. This was definitely against the rules where I grew up. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 I can't imagine not getting your school clothes dirty. We played hard at school and we came home everyday stinky and dirty. Well, we didn't. I'd say maybe it's generational, but my kids also don't come home from school stinky and dirty, except after a rare mishap. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 That's part of it, yes, but there's more too. School clothes were not necessarily washed after each wear. Clothes wear out faster the more often you wash them. My clothes had to be handed down. Also, many school uniforms / dresses were (are?) made of material such as wool which you don't wash unless you want it to be doll clothes afterwards. Even if not wool, having to figure out what to do with a wet dress - especially one the kid was supposed to wear again between washes - is an issue. I was a latchkey kid, so who knows what I would have done with a sopping wet dress after coming home from school? And the shoes .... Further, water fights are a form of horseplay that often leads to general horseplay, which often leads to stains and rips. And you probably put your school bag down and it either got wet or lost .... Granted, I don't have all of these issues with my kids. But I don't expect them to come home from school dripping wet or dirty. Thing is, there is a time and place for everything, and this can be understood at a pretty young age. Yep. All of that too. I know very few kids who have to have uniforms for school who have a complete uniform outfit for every day. They usually only have 2-3 and they take extra effort not to get them too dirty to wear again before laundry is done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flyingiguana Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 By the way, many of you, I think, are seeing cold critical relationship from my kneejerk reaction. I'm not. I would have reacted the same. And then felt bad for reacting that way.... And then reconsidered. And then been angry again..... As parents, we're not perfect. We're just people, with feelings. It's not a terrible thing if our kids know that. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 (edited) Well, we didn't. I'd say maybe it's generational, but my kids also don't come home from school stinky and dirty, except after a rare mishap. Again, might be regional. We had daily PE, outdoors, in 90 degree heat. Then rode our bikes or ran/walked home in that same heat, often times getting a bit rained on depending on the time of year. We came home pretty stinky and dirty. And then played in the neighborhood in those same clothes. But to us, school clothes were a shirt and shorts, nothing fancy. Edited April 25, 2016 by ktgrok 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 We did those things too, but we put on a bathing suit first. It was probably a factor of not having a ton of clothes and not always having a way to conveniently wash clothes. Why would anyone need to wash clothes after a water fight? Unless the water fights are with dirty pond water? This conversation has taken such a funny turn. But since we're off prom dresses and onto school clothes... I had very little clothing as a kid. No school uniforms. We played at recess in our school clothes. I don't remember water fights but it wouldn't have been surprising if we had some; it wouldn't have mattered because the water would have dried by the time we got home. No extra washing required. Water gun fights might have been nice in the early summer school days when it was getting hot. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catalytic Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 I would apologize about being upset and hurt about the dress and ask about how fun prom was. I'd do my best to get over my own feelings about the dress. The dress was a gift for a fun night, right? I never wore my prom dresses again, so that probably colors my opinion. If this was an heirloom piece you didn't want her to mess up that should have been clear beforehand, and I don't know that prom is a good occasion for that. A spontaneous water fight sounds not so abnormal for teenagers at prom. Maybe not forseeable, but not out of character. As a teen it would have really hurt if I'd come from home from a great, fun, milestone event and my mom was mad about the dress she made for me to have fun in. This....a thousand times this. I have had to have many formal dresses in my life...as a teen for band concerts, as an adult for military functions. Out of at least 20 dresses, I've only worn one more than once. In high school, because you just didn't, kids would talk about you. In the military, you just don't, you're gossip fodder (which means your servicemember is gossip fodder). Now a lot of military wives swap dresses, and a dress swap for a unit with a formal coming up is becoming a thing, but for those of us who don't fit into normal sizes (I'm short, and fat)...that's usually not an option. My mother handmade my wedding dress (it wasn't elaborate, but still) for my first marriage. I have no idea what became of it... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnMyOwn Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 Thankfully the dress is ok. We weren't sure about care instructions for that particular fabric, so we were going to look that up after prom before we cleaned it. So we didn't know whether the water would ruin it or not. I'm so glad to hear this! The dress is beautiful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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