momofkhm Posted November 11, 2015 Share Posted November 11, 2015 This is rehab for injury, not drugs. We took her to the hospital on Sunday and they found a compression fracture in her back. It means a back brace and very low mobility. The docs say she needs 24 hour care. We can't provide it in her home and she can't afford it for the weeks it will take. So rehab. She checked in yesterday. She has a CNA who takes care of her a couple days a week. C-y took her from the hospital to rehab. She checked in about 5. By the time I got over there about 8, she had already asked the nurses there about "what if I want to go home?" DH is out of town and she texted him this morning to "Come get me." I went last night. The place is clean. It's in the "middle" of renovations. But her floors look new. The furniture in her room looks like what I might have at home - so nice. The hospital bed, the sink in the room (not bathroom) and the roommate are what gives it away that it is not a home. The nurses I saw last night are nice. The only complaint I'd have is her roommate listens to music loudly. Oh and MIL would say the TV is too small and at an awkward angle to the bed. Does anyone know what her options are for moving to a different facility? There is one place in town I know does not have beds, the case manager at the hospital checked. And there is one place she will not go in town because that's where FIL was. (But he didn't die there, but still it causes anxiety.) I know the case manger called a third place but I don't know what the verdict there was. And MIL limited where they would call to places close by. She doesn't want to be a burden. So how can we get her to a different facility? And still have insurance pay for it? She is a military retiree dependent so Tricare, if that makes a difference. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimm Posted November 11, 2015 Share Posted November 11, 2015 Even if you moved her, there's no guarantee those little annoyances wouldn't exist at the new place. Or worse ones. Are those really her only problems with the place? 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted November 11, 2015 Share Posted November 11, 2015 IDK, but just wanted to say she may like it better in a week or so. Or she may not. Just make sure she does the therapy, if you can. I have a loved one who gave up too soon and has never really gotten over a hip replacement because she "hates to exercise." Hugs to you and to her as you figure this out. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicMom Posted November 11, 2015 Share Posted November 11, 2015 It's not likely insurance would pay for her to go to a different rehab place simply for personal preference. Her case manager at the rehab would be the one who could tell you. I guarantee its not the first time it's come up. In NY(I can't speak for other states but I suspect it's everywhere) insurance pays for whoever has a bed first and the hospital discharge planner must call 3-5 places. So if Rehab/nursing home A accepts someone first, then just because the patient wants to go to nursing home B, insurance will only pay for A. We run into this a lot on ambulance transports from hospital to nursing homes or rehabs, because the patient doesn't want to go to rehab A but is basically forced by their insurance company, and then they refuse to go with us when we show up. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted November 11, 2015 Share Posted November 11, 2015 Wont she want to go home crime another place? It's just not comfortable not being home., especially with a roommate. I guess before I'd tried to get moved I'd try to see what will help MIL be more comfortable. Perhaps, work on that while doing the research on other facilities. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Davysmom Posted November 11, 2015 Share Posted November 11, 2015 Maybe another room or roommate? When we had that issue with my grandma, we were able to get her on another room. It helped a lot. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kebo Posted November 11, 2015 Share Posted November 11, 2015 Has she been assessed for anxiety? She may be feeling anxious/panicky and putting the blame on where she is staying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Davysmom Posted November 11, 2015 Share Posted November 11, 2015 Can you bring her TV from home? We brought a lot of my grandma's things from home. But she was there for 2 months. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted November 11, 2015 Share Posted November 11, 2015 Can you bring her an ipad or portable dvd player with headphones? So she can watch movies or what not and not hear her roommate? Some earplugs also? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shage Posted November 11, 2015 Share Posted November 11, 2015 Nobody likes rehab. I would do what you can to make bearable but expect that this will be challenging no matter what. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted November 11, 2015 Share Posted November 11, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DesertBlossom Posted November 11, 2015 Share Posted November 11, 2015 My dad was recently in a rehab center following a hospital stay and then a surgery. The only positive was that the food was so bad he lost a lot of weight. We were really disappointed with the care. He was supposed to be doing PT, but the other 23 hours of the day he was confined to bed as he didn't even have a chair in his room. When he and us kids had decided we'd had enough they continued to post-pone his discarge for several days claiming the dr wasn't in and if he left withou dr approval then insurance wouldn't cover the stay. We think they were just trying to get the insurance to pay for as many days as possible. I don't how typical his experience was, but regardless of where your mom ends up, I would keep a close eye on her care and don't be afraid to speak up. We found the squeaky wheel definitely gets the grease, even if we had to be pushy. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plink Posted November 11, 2015 Share Posted November 11, 2015 Ask the social worker in the facility to chat with your MIL and get a list of her grievances. That is their job, and they would rather get involved while the issues are small than when things become unbearable. They will be the ones who can quickly get a room transfer, put in a request to have the television moved, start the process to assess for anxiety, and more. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plink Posted November 11, 2015 Share Posted November 11, 2015 Oh, and make sure to tell the SW about FIL's death after a stay in rehab. Your MIL might just need to hear from a professional that a high percentage of their patients go home and live happy lives after a stay in rehab. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MooCow Posted November 11, 2015 Share Posted November 11, 2015 My mom often felt this way when she went to rehab from the hospital. A talk with the social worker and a pt staff member helped somewhat. Mainly it was me and the kids reminding her the harder she worked (and cooperated), the quicker she'd be out of there. Also lots of bribes ;) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 11, 2015 Share Posted November 11, 2015 Just echoing others: It's rehab. Do the work so you can get out of there. YES, I believe they stretch stays to get the insurance if they can. Be aware of that. When they started talking about "speech therapy" for my MIL when she was recovering from a broken hip...that was the day we checked her out. She had another stay at a different place a couple of years later. We were very specific with the hospirtal social worker that she would NOT go back to the first place--the food was terrible and she lost a lot of weight, and couldn't have that happen again. The hospital SWer found another place with a reputation for good food. MIL had to pay $20 extra out of her pocket per day, but it was totally worth it. She had a whacked roommate for the first week there, and we complained about that and she got a new room lickety-split. And I will tell you why: because she is an *incredibly* pleasant person. She thanked everyone for everything they did for her. She didn't complain about anything. She bore up and got on with her job of getting well. She asked about the caregivers' children and complimented them on their smiles or ways of helping. And she got everything she wanted...fast. Because she was a pleasure to be around. The floor nurse told me as much. She said that their jobs would be so much more enjoyable if all the patients were like my MIL, and that while she hoped MIL didn't need to come back, if she did, they would be glad to have her and help her out again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted November 11, 2015 Share Posted November 11, 2015 The roommate may leave soon, or be willing to turn down the music or switch to headphones (can't hurt to ask). I had two roommates in rehab after our car crash - one was a nice Indian lady who seemed to be running a business from her laptop when not in therapy - she played Indian music daily but I pretended I was on vacation at the Exotic Marigold Hotel for Rehab ;-) so all was well. I was in two and a half weeks. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momofkhm Posted November 11, 2015 Author Share Posted November 11, 2015 Thanks ladies! I just hope talking with her tonight goes well. DH's plane didn't even leave Pittsburg until after it was supposed to land here. I had hoped to go in this afternoon as well as after dinner. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted November 11, 2015 Share Posted November 11, 2015 A few hours is not enough time to make an informed decision about being there. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 How long will she be there (approx.)? My mother was in rehab last year for a similar reason. My dad is still living, but would not have been able to do all the care she needed. They picked a place that looked clean and nice and was only a mile from my dad, my sister, and my mother's sister. Her insurance let her choose. We actually drover her there from the hospital (where she had been for a week) in my car. I was able to lay the seat flat and had pillows. We were greatly disappointed in the care -- and this was supposed to be a nice suburban nursing home. At first, it was too painful for her to get up to the bathroom at night, but they didn't have any bedpans. They said they would look for one in storage, and in the end, said they didn't have any! What in the world? What made it work was that we all took turns visiting her every day. I live 3 hours away, but would come once/week for several days. We brought her everything she needed: books, her own pajamas, books on tape, etc. It was not much more expensive in the short-term ($24 or less/day maybe?) to have her own room, so they opted to do that. That made it much more tolerable. Of course that adds up, but for one month it was worth it. I wonder if that would be possible for your MIL? Are you thinking your MIL will be okay on her own back home, eventually, as long as rehab goes okay? Being close to family (so they could visit often) and being in her own room really made a difference for my mother. But, she still hated it and because of that she worked really hard at therapy to get out of there! Which she did, just in time for Thanksgiving. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MiMi 4under3 Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 I wouldn't move her. This place seems as nice as any other, and there's no guarantee she'll like the new place better. My MIL went to rehab after she fell and broke her hip. She, too, wanted to move after the first day but eventually got used to it. I hope your MIL will too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 We have a relative that was a bear in rehab. I think part of it was the pain medication. Elderly people, pain medication, therapy that hurts, food doesn't taste right....Another rehab may be worse. I would base it on care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 Agreeing with the above. I would work at finding a way to solve her problems where she is. And making sure that she does her therapy and, if she needs pain medication, that it is given at the appropriate time. When my mom broke her pelvis and had to go to a rehab facility, she hated it there at first. (It was one of the best in the area - I shopped around.) She was so afraid that she was just being parked there and would never go home. We looked into our options and talked with the social worker to address some of her concerns (she was placed on a skilled nursing floor due to the fact that she was not ambulatory, but she should have been placed on the Medicare wing for rehab, not long term care.) She started balking about therapy since it was very painful. I worked with the nursing staff to make sure that she got her pain medication at the right time so that she would be in less pain for her therapy sessions. Then I told her that the only way home was through the therapy room door. I didn't want her to be labeled as a non-compliant patient which may have reduced her services. I ended up going there every day to encourage her at her therapy sessions and remind her to never say "I can't" or "I won't." I told her to say, "Give me a minute and I'll try." Most of the therapists were understanding that the elderly really struggle, but there were some who had no patience and were quick to write them off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 One thing that helped my MIL a lot was having female assistants for "personal care." She didn't mind male assistants for dressing or whatever, but personal care was over the top for her. That one change made an enormous difference in her attitude. But she never complained to the care facility about it, and not much to us...it was more a matter of having the radar to hear her intensity of complaint about it and we did the complaining, and she never knew why things changed. :0) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lulubelle Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 I hope it all works out for your mil. Just 3 weeks ago my fil checked himself out of rehab after about 18 hours of being there, against doctors orders, because it wasn't comfortable enough for him. It didn't help that mil refused to go to rehab several years back when she had her knees redone, because she feared she would never get out of it and die there. It caused a lot of trouble with my husband and his sister. My sil was willing to drop everything to help take care of them, but my husband was not. Thankfully, fil seems to have recovered well, but mil is falling apart again. She is probably having issues due to helping her husband recover from his new hip surgery. They are both slowly falling apart physically. It is sad to watch. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 She is just in a pretty normal panic mode; remind her that it is temporary and she needs qualified people to care for her and speed her recovery. I agree with seeing if they have a social worker or patient advocate and getting a new roommate or a single room if possible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted November 12, 2015 Share Posted November 12, 2015 In the book Take Good Care of the Garden and the Dogs Heather Lende describes the rehab hospital in Seattle she went to when she got injured in a bicycle accident. It sure didn't sound good. I bet that no other facility would be better, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momofkhm Posted November 12, 2015 Author Share Posted November 12, 2015 We went to see her last night and moving/coming home never came up. I was instructed by DH to let him be the bad cop. I was to be the good cop. :-) But it never came up. I so agree with Joann, a couple hours isn't enough time. I don't know that she is happy, but she is content. The food isn't very good. And her roommate is a piece of work, but it sounds like the nurses know that. And dh was able to see that the entrance area has been completely renovated and is nice looking. It's the *hall* that she is on that isn't finished. The foot boards haven't been replaced. he pointed those out to her. I really think it's the loss of independence that has her. (Although she has been in rehab before.) Thanks for the info everyone! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 Even if you moved her, there's no guarantee those little annoyances wouldn't exist at the new place. Or worse ones. Are those really her only problems with the place? I agree. My grandmother fell and broke her ankle in '01. She had to go to a rehab facility because of the severity of the break, and her age. She hated it. She did NOT want to be there. There was absolutely nothing wrong with the place....it just wasn't home. In the moment, she could only see the injury, and she felt like she would be there forever. We had to let her know that the sooner she sucked it up and got started on the therapy they had her there for, the sooner she would be able to come home. The nurses ended up introducing her to a couple of women that she had things in common with, and the rest of her stay was uneventful. Honestly...she always had her way when it came to my grandfather, and this was one time where she had no control over what happened. She didn't like that AT ALL. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted November 13, 2015 Share Posted November 13, 2015 When I'm not feeling well, I want to be home; and I have observed that the older people get the more uncomfortable they tend to be with openended care situations that they fear could end up with them not going home again. I think that the main things are to go there often, and unpredictably, so that the staff is accustomed to you showing up *at any moment*, and being very overly nice and appreciative to the staff, and being upbeat and positive with your mom, while reminding her (nicely) that getting better is the best way to speed up going home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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