shinyhappypeople Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 Two things stop me from getting professional help for my life right now: lack of money and lack of options (smallish town, MANY drug counselors, few regular psychologists/therapists). So... okay. Plan B. What are some alternatives to therapy? I mean, for thousands of years entire civilizations managed without professional therapists. Surely I'm clever enough to figure something out, right? This is for generally feeling emotionally exhausted, I suck at self-care, parenting stress, mild depression, and residual baggage from childhood "stuff" that is making my present more suckish than it needs to be. I'm just feeling like if I don't address this now, it's never going to get addressed, kwim? I feel like NOW is the time. I'm open to suggestions that don't involve "find a therapist," because it's just not in the cards right now. So... onward. Help me brainstorm alternatives!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 EFT https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=XyHxuTG6jRk http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1401939422/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1441603941&sr=8-1&pi=SY200_QL40&keywords=the+tapping+solution&dpPl=1&dpID=51IoUbhwJ4L&ref=plSrch https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Nt54F0zy5Yg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 Self care doesn't replace therapy, but it can help take a edge off getting through day to day stuff. Whether or not you are able to get therapy you need to make time for self care. I find daily, heavy exercise essential. I burn though mental exhaustion, stress, self doubt. I used to feel guilty about making it a priority. I thought doing it took time away from my responsibilities to my family. The thing is when I take time for myself, I do the things I do for family better. Whatever you choose to do for yourself, be disciplined about making time for it. Do not talk yourself out of it. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joyofsixreboot Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 Place your own care in the category of an appointment with others. Do any local pastors offer counseling or know of somewhere with a sliding scale? I understand the small town logistics which are frustrating. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 I went to a therapist for a while. I had several HUGE stressors going on in my life at the time. I told her upfront, "Please don't tell me to take a bubble bath or a walk. I need far more practical solutions to what I am dealing with." I have done the self care stuff, I even have great friends I can share with, but I needed some professional advice. Just for a season. I needed to hear that some of the people in my life were toxic and how to start purging those I could so that i could care for and help those who I couldn't get rid of (family.) :laugh: It is very hard for me to distance myself from people. I am not necessarily a people pleaser, but I am a helper. I want to get into people's lives and listen and try to help or try to solve and it was sucking the life out of me. I am not good at removing myself from other's drama and many times I don't want to. I like to help. But for this time in my life, while I was dealing with my own stuff, I needed to pull away and take a look at my relationships for what they were. That is what she helped me see that my friends couldn't quite put their finger on and I couldn't understand about myself. All that to say, self help is great, but sometimes you need an impartial person to come in and see if from a completely different perspective. I would see if you can get some kind of counseling even just for a while. Dawn 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pawz4me Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 If you really think depression is an issue I'd consider talking to your doctor about some medication. My experience is with anxiety, but I've found that no self care is really helpful until I get the brain chemicals balanced out. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 For improving self care, dealing with buried childhood issues, gaining a new perspective and getting out of stuck thinking patterns, I highly recommend Julia Cameron's book "The artist's way" http://www.amazon.com/The-Artists-Way-Julia-Cameron/dp/1585421464 You do not have to be an artist to benefit from it. It is more than just a book to read - it has thinking/writing exercises for each week that are very helpful for gaining clarity, and the heart piece of the program is what she calls the Morning Pages: journaling stream-of-consciousness every morning. In addition, the program calls for regular "artist dates" which are dates you make with yourself/inner child. Sounds corny, but feels very liberating, especially for women who have neglected self care. Following the activities from the book helped me personally very much. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MBM Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 This is for generally feeling emotionally exhausted, I suck at self-care, parenting stress, mild depression, and residual baggage from childhood "stuff" that is making my present more suckish than it needs to be. I'm just feeling like if I don't address this now, it's never going to get addressed, kwim? I feel like NOW is the time. I'm not sure if codependency is your problem but you could check out Codependecy for Dummies and see if it describes what you're experiencing. The author is a therapist who explains what codependent people can do to help themselves. Some of what you're describing sounds like codependency issues. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jelbe5 Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 Look for self-help books specific to the childhood baggage you are dealing with. Look for relaxation/stress reduction books. A good one that has been around for a while is The Relaxation and Stress Reduction Workbook by Martha Davis. What about videos for relaxation such as yoga/meditation? Many library systems carry such videos. Maybe positive affirmation messages? Would you be interested in a self-help group if there is one in your area that focuses on issues you want to work on? Spiritual help may be considered. Could be faith based or not, depending on your preference. You might find it helpful to be part of a larger group that has a positive focus if you are not already involved in something similar. Sometimes volunteering for something you may be interested in/passionate about can be very helpful if you feel you have the time and energy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caribbean Queen Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 Two things stop me from getting professional help for my life right now: lack of money and lack of options (smallish town, MANY drug counselors, few regular psychologists/therapists). So... okay. Plan B. What are some alternatives to therapy? I mean, for thousands of years entire civilizations managed without professional therapists. Surely I'm clever enough to figure something out, right? This is for generally feeling emotionally exhausted, I suck at self-care, parenting stress, mild depression, and residual baggage from childhood "stuff" that is making my present more suckish than it needs to be. I'm just feeling like if I don't address this now, it's never going to get addressed, kwim? I feel like NOW is the time. I'm open to suggestions that don't involve "find a therapist," because it's just not in the cards right now. So... onward. Help me brainstorm alternatives!! Prayer Quiet time after lunch. At least 20 minutes. Your kids don't have to sleep. They just have to be quiet. Has anyone ever told you you have vitamin/mineral deficiencies? I was anemic so now I am on a supplement with iron and B vitamins. I look and feel noticeably better. Should have done this years ago. Figure out what makes you emotionally exhausted and parentally stressed. Can you eliminate them? For instance, if you hate making cakes and selling them in front of the post office for boy scouts, then don't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shinyhappypeople Posted September 8, 2015 Author Share Posted September 8, 2015 nm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VeganCupcake Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 Mindfulness meditation can be really helpful. I got this book and CD recently for my very non-mediating DH: Mindfulness for Beginners by Jon Kabat Zinn. DH is impressed and has been mediating. I also really like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and Feeling Good is one of the best books to start that with. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 Yoga and meditation (you can get info from books/magazines and the internet). These can help you "live in the moment," which reduces the stress caused by worry and other baggage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abba12 Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 I suffer from CPTSD, and have only had windows of therapy for many reasons. Still I consider myself very well managed without medication, and with only an extremely supportive friend, and a hands-on caring husband, as a support network. It's not the ideal situation by any means, but it is the best and safest choice for my family and for me right now. The first thing that sticks out to me is residual baggage from childhood, since that is basically my mental health in a nutshell. To deal with this, many people find many different things helpful. What works for me can actually make some people worse, and some of the popular things that work for others will make me severely worse, I've learned from experience. The biggest thing which helps ME, is talking about specific incidents, in detail. In a safe environment with a safe person I talk through the details of what happened, how it made me feel, why it hurts me now. I re-live it in a way. Just glossing over what happened doesn't help. I need to connect to it emotionally, let myself FEEL it. I will set aside a few hours with the friend I mentioned, and talk through a specific event/theme/idea in detail, cry about it, remember the little things. He has learned to ask questions because I struggle to just talk, but will respond to questions in great detail. His natural curiosity makes this process much easier for us both. Because *I* am a very self aware person, I draw my own conclusions well, I process well by myself, I don't need the guidance of a psychologist to work through it and I am very fortunate for this, therapists themselves have said I work them out of a job since all they can do for me is be the sounding board and question-asker, so simply having someone willing to listen and ask questions is enough for ME. But if you are less self-aware, less sure of how to work through or make sense of the feelings, then it wont do much for you except make you more upset, so you need to determine if this is helpful to you. As for the other things mentioned, prioritizing self care, prioritizing some time alone or doing something nice before bed, just prioritizing you, is so important. I can give nothing to my kids if I am unstable myself. I NEED to give myself the time and space and care to reach a minimum standard of functionality. It was hard to start with, but I realized that not doing it was worse for everyone, eventually I realized I needed to do it FOR my children, not in spite of them. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk any about processing memories. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbbulliv Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 There are a lot of coaches working on skype or phone that could help with self care I bet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 Mindfulness meditation can be really helpful. I got this book and CD recently for my very non-mediating DH: Mindfulness for Beginners by Jon Kabat Zinn. DH is impressed and has been mediating. I also really like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and Feeling Good is one of the best books to start that with. Yes. Meditation is a research supported, clinically supported way to change the neural activity of the brain. Mindfulness is a great basis for starting. Things to keep in mind are the session itself is not supposed to be "productive." Let go of the expectation of insight, moments of connection, sudden inspiration, etc. (They are great when/if they happen, though!) Instead, know that, like exercise, meditation works to change the neurotransmitters and neural pathways of the brain - so that you literally have a different brain the develops in between sessions. You've read how the benefits of weight bearing exercise are "built" after the muscle breaks down and "repairs" after the workout? It is a similar principle. The actual brains of habitual meditators are different, and have a brain patter that supports many positive realities including a better stress response, calmer reactions, increased immunity. (Better cardiac health, less cancer and some other benefits are also supported by some research). David Burns, referenced above, has some great stuff. I would specifically encourage you to work through "cognitive thinking errors." You can google - lots of info. Check into "good" authors for your background. I can make some recommendations if you'd like. For example, Claudia Black is good for being the child of an addict. Brene Brown is good for shame/vulnerability. Chellie Campbell is good for money issues. Let me know. Some narrative therapy techniques may allow you to re-write your personal narrative. Using these in conjunction with affirmations can be very powerful. ETA: I am a believer in positive psychology. A basic start would be to develop a habit of gratitude practice. Speaking of habits, there are a lot of good books (and websites) about habits now, based on new research. Habits of behavior and thinking are very important in improving mental health. Online counseling is available and an option, too. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 Tips that help me, mostly from an occupational therapist: Do something that makes you happy every day. For me that was something creative. Get dressed into something beyond yoga pants or sweats every day. For me this usually means jersey dresses - as comfortable as sweats, but I respect myself a little more. If you do makeup, do a little every day. Mascara and lip gloss can make a huge difference. Take a 20 minute walk outside every day if you physically can. Preferably 20 minutes or more at dawn, after lunch, and after dinner. Bonus points if you find a trail around a playground so your kids can play while you walk. Watch something funny every day. A sitcom rerun. A funny movie. Laughter helps. Change your posture. Make an effort to smile even when you're not happy. Stretch out. Put your head up and shoulders back. Walk in the center of the path or hall. Plenty of studies show that acting as if you're happy and confident when you're not literally makes you feel happy and confident. Spend time in nature. Find a pretty spot near some water in a park (or state park) nearby. Go there when you're upset. Make an effort to be more social in real life. Make a new friend or spend time with a close one. Make an effort to have a spiritual life. For me, praying the bible for my life may or may not change anything about the situation, but it improves my attitude, and ability to stay in a happier place and to react with love, which improves all kinds of things. Whatever the situation is, control what you can control. Let go of the things you cannot. If you've been made responsible for something you have no control over you're in a recipe for depression. Push back and refuse to be responsible for something you cannot control. If you have trouble with boundaries, or with someone taking advantage of you, read the book Boundaries. ETA: Focus on what's going right. What are you grateful for? Write it down. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 yoga. I do dvd's so I can do it at home, don't have to worry about fitting in class time, and I know exactly what type of practice I'm getting. there are also many online. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 What I am reading on this thread is that everyone copes differently. I find that if I can go out for coffee with a friend and vent and then laugh and have a good time, I am energized and it makes me very happy. But I am an extrovert. Someone who is more introverted would hate that idea. Some of the ideas (yoga, daily affirmations, etc....) are just not me and would never work. So you really need to find what will work for you specifically. But you still have to deal with real life. And sometimes it sucks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldberry Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 When I had anxiety issues I was able to identify the thought processes that were contributing. Every single day, before my feet touched the floor, I set positive intentions for the day. Throughout the day, I addressed any thought that popped into my head that was counteracting the intention - every single thought. This really worked for me, but I guess the point is that doing it yourself requires work and committment. I agree with the others that you should set some time as if you had an appointment. Journaling is useful. Identify the problem, then identify what you need to do to solve it or improve it, then take those steps seriously. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 nm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 Gloria Steinem has a great book on self-esteem and self-care that I wholeheartedly recommend reading slowing and mindfully. "Revolution From Within" I find it extremely encouraging to read the Psalms the same way. I mean, there they are, in the actual Bible, people with huge problems yelling at God about them, and then taking comfort sometimes, and other times now. It makes me feel less alone in problems and challenges. I can't remember whether you are an exerciser or not, but I found out to my great surprise, late in life, that a runner's high is actually a thing. Couch Potato to 5K (a free online program) eases you into that kind of motion very well. Do the calf stretches beforehand for sure. Re. the self-talk, consider whether adding three words to your negative self-talk (while you are breaking the habit of it) might help. Those words are 'up until now'. I.e. "No one in my family has ever amounted to miuch...UP UNTIL NOW". "I never could stick to an exercise program...UP UNTIL NOW." Honestly, that really does help amazingly. Also think about whether you would let someone talk to your kid the way you talk to yourself. Seriously practice talking to yourself in a way that you would want others to talk to your kid.See if you can get yourself out into wild nature every day or two for 15 minutes to just sit somewhere and be aware of the white noise--the birds, the wind, the water--and be at peace. Then picture that when you're feeling stressed.Look into using St. John's Wort tea for mild depression. Warning: Sometimes you tear off the depression that way and realize that it's just a nasty bandaid for sometimes nastier anger, which can be disconcerting. Know that there is peace on the other side of the anger, once you deal with it. And know that you CAN lift your mind off the anger and onto something positive and forward-thinking. Always have something to look forward to--a book to read, a friend to see, something. Then when you're upset, lift your mind onto that. Come here and whine. JAWM can be nice. We like you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluegoat Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 Regular exercise can really help to balance out emotions. Especially if they are done outside. I was going to mention cognitive thinking errors, but Joanne beat me to it. One of the things that really seems to affect people's ability to cope with all kids of problems is a tight knit community. That is not necessarily easy to create out of thin air. Maybe especially if you are introverted like I am, it can take a long time to make the right connections regularly. But, I think it is something to keep in mind, at least you can begin to look for opportunities. One of the things that I think can sometimes offer a similar sense of connectivity is interaction with nature - either in wild places or in a garden setting. Digging in the dirt, or working with animals, can be very rooting. Meditation, or prayer if you have a spiritual practice that supports it. For beginners I would suggest using a form, not just free-form prayer. (As an aside, I think this touches on your question of how people got by in the past - spiritual practice included a lot of the other things people have been mentioning - intentionality, mindfulness, gratitude, self-reflection.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shinyhappypeople Posted September 9, 2015 Author Share Posted September 9, 2015 I really appreciate all your input. I'm taking some time and thinking things through. I did go ahead and order Codependency for Dummies yesterday and it showed up this morning! (Perk of living sneezing distance from an Amazon distribution center). It was our first (reluctant) day back at school, so, my kids were at the table doing math and I was sitting there reading about codependency and thinking about it in terms of how I relate to my kids. It is sobering. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmilyGF Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 SHP, I just want to say that therapy doesn't have to be all or nothing. I had two meeting with a counselor over skype last year. She lives in another state. It didn't drag on and on. Maybe two meetings is too expensive, and that is OK. But not having someone near you doesn't have to be a limit. I still found the meetings incredibly helpful. I don't think one could have enough (I couldn't have) because I was given some pretty specific homework to do between the meetings that really helped me sort things out, but the counselor showed me some issues in my thinking that needed to be cleared up (and that I was just accepting at the time). Emily Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shinyhappypeople Posted September 9, 2015 Author Share Posted September 9, 2015 SHP, I just want to say that therapy doesn't have to be all or nothing. I had two meeting with a counselor over skype last year. She lives in another state. It didn't drag on and on. Maybe two meetings is too expensive, and that is OK. But not having someone near you doesn't have to be a limit. I still found the meetings incredibly helpful. I don't think one could have enough (I couldn't have) because I was given some pretty specific homework to do between the meetings that really helped me sort things out, but the counselor showed me some issues in my thinking that needed to be cleared up (and that I was just accepting at the time). Emily Where did you find a legitimate online counselor? That sounds promising, but I'm also a little wigged out about pouring my soul out to a stranger online (LOL, as I wrote that I thought of all the venting I do here). OK, rephrase: I'm a little wigged out at pouring my soul out to a stranger online who knows identifying information about me. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purplejackmama Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 Tips that help me, mostly from an occupational therapist: Do something that makes you happy every day. For me that was something creative. Get dressed into something beyond yoga pants or sweats every day. For me this usually means jersey dresses - as comfortable as sweats, but I respect myself a little more. If you do makeup, do a little every day. Mascara and lip gloss can make a huge difference. Take a 20 minute walk outside every day if you physically can. Preferably 20 minutes or more at dawn, after lunch, and after dinner. Bonus points if you find a trail around a playground so your kids can play while you walk. Watch something funny every day. A sitcom rerun. A funny movie. Laughter helps. Change your posture. Make an effort to smile even when you're not happy. Stretch out. Put your head up and shoulders back. Walk in the center of the path or hall. Plenty of studies show that acting as if you're happy and confident when you're not literally makes you feel happy and confident. Spend time in nature. Find a pretty spot near some water in a park (or state park) nearby. Go there when you're upset. Make an effort to be more social in real life. Make a new friend or spend time with a close one. Make an effort to have a spiritual life. For me, praying the bible for my life may or may not change anything about the situation, but it improves my attitude, and ability to stay in a happier place and to react with love, which improves all kinds of things. Whatever the situation is, control what you can control. Let go of the things you cannot. If you've been made responsible for something you have no control over you're in a recipe for depression. Push back and refuse to be responsible for something you cannot control. If you have trouble with boundaries, or with someone taking advantage of you, read the book Boundaries. ETA: Focus on what's going right. What are you grateful for? Write it down. Thank you. I needed this list. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ILiveInFlipFlops Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 I've recently been taking liquid D vitamins (Carlson drops) and a specific B vitamin (methyl B12, 1000 mcg, Jarrow brand) that someone here recommended, and I've been amazed at how they have improved my mood and energy levels. I'm not exactly a new woman, but it has really taken the edge off and put a little bounce back in my step. We have lots of therapy options around here, but we do not have an extra $200 a month to pay for it right now *sigh* :grouphug: to you. I hope you find some ways to help yourself feel better. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klmama Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 I was just going to post about vitamin D, too. I was a weepy mess several years ago and started taking it per dh's orders even before I could get in to see my regular doctor. Within a couple of weeks, I felt SO much better. By the time I saw my doc, I was feeling significantly better, but my vitamin D level was still very low. She has me taking a lot every day to try to keep it in the normal range. I also take B vitamins, including methylcobalamin (methyl B12). They help me with energy. Those things won't help you with the childhood stuff, but maybe they'll make everything else easier to handle. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia64 Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 If you really think depression is an issue I'd consider talking to your doctor about some medication. My experience is with anxiety, but I've found that no self care is really helpful until I get the brain chemicals balanced out. Major depression is well understood by the public -- can't get out of bed, isolates oneself, stops eating, overeats etc. -- most don't know about a diagnosis called dysthymia. See? Even spell check doesn't recognize it. When I read your post, I think: dysthymia. Google it. It really is relieved w/ meds, but my best pal would say "daily work outs." (True, but you have to be a full-on work out fanatic to make this plan actually impact dysthymia.) http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/dysthymia/basics/definition/con-20033879 My heart is with you -- dysthymia is awful. Alley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Professormom Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 Mindfulness meditation can be really helpful. I got this book and CD recently for my very non-mediating DH: Mindfulness for Beginners by Jon Kabat Zinn. DH is impressed and has been mediating. I also really like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and Feeling Good is one of the best books to start that with. I second the CBT recommendation. The Great Courses has a lecture series on it. Kind of a diy version of CBT. I have it because I like learning about neurosciencey stuff:-) It sounds quite practical, especially with some of the things you mentioned. And it is only about $40:-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purplejackmama Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 I second the CBT recommendation. The Great Courses has a lecture series on it. Kind of a diy version of CBT. I have it because I like learning about neurosciencey stuff:-) It sounds quite practical, especially with some of the things you mentioned. And it is only about $40:-) Do you have a link? Please :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 :grouphug: Many ministers, priests, and local clergy offer free counseling; most of them do not require you be a member. Your doctor's office might be able to recommend local no costs options for counseling. A local or on-line support group might be another option for finding support. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lamppost Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 Do you have a link? Please :) Looks like their new streaming service, Great Courses Plus, is going to offer it. I just checked and it's not up yet but has a placeholder for all lectures in the series Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: Techniques for Retraining Your Brain The site is still in beta testing and you can access it by invitation only, so here's an invite link: http://l.aunch.us/6iuk0 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.