"Losing/Finding" yourself and starting up hobbies

[Southern Ivy]

I am in no way regretting marriage or motherhood, but sometimes I just miss me. The me that was having game nights and dinner clubs as a single, the spur of the moment trips out of town, drowning myself in new hobbies, etc. 
Sometimes, I feel like I can't have a hobby because my husband is frequently gone with his. He fly fishes any weekend he can and even though he is willing to forego fishing so I can do something, sometimes I still feel guilty "denying" him that time. (PLEASE do not tear down my husband for his time away with his hobby. He is always willing to not go and let me do something. It's ME. I'm the one that can't seem to ask.) 

Anyway, I feel like I have lost myself along the way; and as much as I love my family, I feel like they are my only identity anymore.  Sometimes, I want something that is just me. I find a little happiness in an activity that's not mommy/wife related. (Is that selfish?) But, when I try to think of something I might like to do, I draw a blank and I feel like the most boring person ever. 

So, please tell me I'm not alone in this! Please tell me I'm not the only one who feels like the only thing they are (maybe) good at is being a mom?
Any ideas for me to try? Any hobbies to look at? 
(No volunteering outside of the home...I teach outside the home, so that time is taken and I already volunteer at church.) 
 

[Joyofsixreboot]

You are not alone! I feel like I lost 20 years buried in babies and toddlers. I don't regret it but it wore me down. I took up running when the youngest was 4 and it changed my whole outlook. What did you enjoy pre-kids? Crafts? Music? Reading? Sports? You are entitled to some interests!

[Southern Ivy]

You are not alone! I feel like I lost 20 years buried in babies and toddlers. I don't regret it but it wore me down. I took up running when the youngest was 4 and it changed my whole outlook. What did you enjoy pre-kids? Crafts? Music? Reading? Sports? You are entitled to some interests!

I liked music (took voice for several years), crafts, reading, baking (I was enrolled in culinary school for a time). I dabbled a lot!

[*Inna*]

I would recommend reading "Art Before Breakfast".

 

P.S. You're definitely not alone in this.

[Southern Ivy]

I will look into that book. It looks good. My friend also suggested The Artist's Way. I guess I need to get reading!

[Halcyon]

I love hobbies and they're very important to me. I knit, read a lot, practice yoga, run, zentangle, doodle, color, cook, and am starting a writing class in a week (eep!) It's so important to my sanity. 

 

You are not alone!!!

 

 

[Annie G]

I liked music (took voice for several years), crafts, reading, baking (I was enrolled in culinary school for a time). I dabbled a lot!

 

I think these are great places to start! It's really hard to carve time out when kids are young, but it's so important to make at least a little bit of time for yourself. 

 

If you can find a local voice teacher, even a lesson every other week would be lovely. Every week would be even better but I get that time is an issue. But voice lessons are short and then you can spend the rest of the week practicing.  

 

Baking is another good one- it's fun to plan a special thing to bake - the planning or learning a new technique can take some time, and then you can gather your ingredients and bake.  Maybe theme your months- pick some things you want to learn and devote a month to learning each one. Cheesecakes...fruit desserts....breads.....so many choices. 

 

As kids get older, hobbies and me time are easier to come by...but don't wait until then to reclaim your former interests or pick up some new ones.   Because before you know it, your kid(s) will be grown and you'll find yourself at loose ends. 

[Southern Ivy]

I think these are great places to start! It's really hard to carve time out when kids are young, but it's so important to make at least a little bit of time for yourself. 

 

If you can find a local voice teacher, even a lesson every other week would be lovely. Every week would be even better but I get that time is an issue. But voice lessons are short and then you can spend the rest of the week practicing.  

 

Baking is another good one- it's fun to plan a special thing to bake - the planning or learning a new technique can take some time, and then you can gather your ingredients and bake.  Maybe theme your months- pick some things you want to learn and devote a month to learning each one. Cheesecakes...fruit desserts....breads.....so many choices. 

 

As kids get older, hobbies and me time are easier to come by...but don't wait until then to reclaim your former interests or pick up some new ones.   Because before you know it, your kid(s) will be grown and you'll find yourself at loose ends. 

I really want to get back into French pastries. Maybe I should start back and learn to make macarons! I have an obsession with those, but I hate spending $2.50 for one!

 

I love hobbies and they're very important to me. I knit, read a lot, practice yoga, run, zentangle, doodle, color, cook, and am starting a writing class in a week (eep!) It's so important to my sanity. 

 

You are not alone!!!

 

I'm such a perfectionist. I don't like to doodle, because they don't look good enough. How dumb is that?

I've seen some zentangles. Those are awesome looking. 

I used to love writing. Maybe I need to pick that up again.

 

I like going social dancing. West coast swing. I dance 3 hours ever Friday night. I have an hour of lessons with Dh, who then goes home to the boys, one hour of a more advanced class, and then one hour of just dancing.

 

I also when it fits in my schedule go to a monthly dance.

 

Eta. I recently started a thread looking for hobby suggestions since next week is my last dance class till September. All the teachers and some of the more advanced students spent the summer traveling to events.

I would love to do some dancing, but no way would my husband do a dance class with me. Plus, we'd have to drive an hour to the nearest town that would possibly offer classes. I've always wanted to try swing dance, though.

[Junie]

Southern Ivy,

I think you and I should just go out for lunch one day and just chat.  And maybe browse through a bookstore. :)

[Southern Ivy]

Southern Ivy,

I think you and I should just go out for lunch one day and just chat.  And maybe browse through a bookstore. :)

Ahhh! That would be lovely. Name the time and place.

[gardenmom5]

I am in no way regretting marriage or motherhood, but sometimes I just miss me. The me that was having game nights and dinner clubs as a single, the spur of the moment trips out of town, drowning myself in new hobbies, etc. 

Sometimes, I feel like I can't have a hobby because my husband is frequently gone with his. He fly fishes any weekend he can and even though he is willing to forego fishing so I can do something, sometimes I still feel guilty "denying" him that time. (PLEASE do not tear down my husband for his time away with his hobby. He is always willing to not go and let me do something. It's ME. I'm the one that can't seem to ask.) 

 

Anyway, I feel like I have lost myself along the way; and as much as I love my family, I feel like they are my only identity anymore.  Sometimes, I want something that is just me. I find a little happiness in an activity that's not mommy/wife related. (Is that selfish?) But, when I try to think of something I might like to do, I draw a blank and I feel like the most boring person ever. 

 

So, please tell me I'm not alone in this! Please tell me I'm not the only one who feels like the only thing they are (maybe) good at is being a mom?

Any ideas for me to try? Any hobbies to look at? 

(No volunteering outside of the home...I teach outside the home, so that time is taken and I already volunteer at church.) 

 

 

I had this conversation with a friend with three very small (and bright) kids just last fall.  after questioning her for a bit - I learned she likes working with clay - so, she is now back to doing that and feeling great.  her dh was also fully supportive, she just didn't know what she wanted to do, and felt bad leaving him with three very busy girls.

 

1).  buck up and STOP FEELING GUILTY! about doing something that you would need your dh to be with the kids.  marriage is a partnership.  kids have TWO parents for a reason. 

 

2) now- go forth and feed your creative side.  nurture yourself.  incidentally - you'll be a better mom if you do.

 

learn piano?

pottery?

paint?

do you like tactile? visual? auditory?  what stimulus do you want?

[Gentlemommy]

Not alone. My dh has a job that takes him out of town often, on an unpredictable schedule. He is all for me having a hobby or job or doing whatever makes me happy. It's not that he holds me back. It's me. I haven't felt comfortable leaving my kids with sitters, and I can not rely on his schedule being clear. Also, I feel guilty taking time and money away from the kids. Silly, I know, but the feeling is there.

I am just now barely starting to be able to pursue things I want. It's still hard, and honestly by this point I'm too tired to really dive into anything difficult, but I am trying.

[Happy]

yes, do read 'The Artist's Way'. You need a bunch of Artist dates. :)

 

What you are feeling I used to call a creative crisis. I must be creative in some form or fashion. Writing, photography, gardening, etc.....

 

Make yourself take some artist's dates and I'll bet you'll feel more like you again.

 

Hang in there--the children do eventually grow up....

[Southern Ivy]

1).  buck up and STOP FEELING GUILTY! about doing something that you would need your dh to be with the kids.  marriage is a partnership.  kids have TWO parents for a reason. 

I know it's a partnership, but sometimes I have to remind myself of that instead of always trying to do it on my own. 

Thank you. I needed that!

[Southern Ivy]

yes, do read 'The Artist's Way'. You need a bunch of Artist dates. :)

 

What you are feeling I used to call a creative crisis. I must be creative in some form or fashion. Writing, photography, gardening, etc.....

 

Make yourself take some artist's dates and I'll bet you'll feel more like you again.

 

Hang in there--the children do eventually grow up....

My sister just moved into a new home and is decorating. She had been in a dinky, horrid apartment and now she's cutting loose and decorating to her hearts content. I'm a bit jealous of her ability to decorate right now and to start all of her "upcycling" with furniture.

I used to write, sing, pain/draw/create. Now, the only thing I feel like I'm good at is Netflix marathons and those leave me brain dead.

So, yes, I think you hit it on the head - creative crisis. 

 

[blackjackoaktree]

Wow, I am right there too. My youngest will be three this year and I've had nothing but losses since then, so I'm thinking that phase of my life is done. But part of me is realizing I left a lot of myself behind. I do agree that The Artist's Way is a really good idea. I am actually going to start that with my teenager this summer.

 

ONe thing I did after my last miscarriage was make a list of things I enjoy doing or would enjoy learning more about so I could pick something to try. A friend also told me that I should look around at my world- my friends, my social media sites, magazines etc.-- and if I felt even the slightest bit of envy over any of it, I should explore in that direction. That was really eye opening for me because I realized I had a bit of jealousy over people that were canoeing of all things! I'd see a car with a kyack or on top or people putting a canoe in the water at a forest preserve and have a little flash of wow, I wish I could do that. SO it's on my list of things to explore now even though I have never thought about that activity in my life! 

 

Good luck on finding something! I think it's fairly normal to get so involved in your day to day life that you realize you need something fresh. Maybe it'll be an old hobby and maybe it'll be something totally random that you've never thought of before!

[Tsuga]

I am in no way regretting marriage or motherhood, but sometimes I just miss me. The me that was having game nights and dinner clubs as a single, the spur of the moment trips out of town, drowning myself in new hobbies, etc. 

Sometimes, I feel like I can't have a hobby because my husband is frequently gone with his. He fly fishes any weekend he can and even though he is willing to forego fishing so I can do something, sometimes I still feel guilty "denying" him that time. (PLEASE do not tear down my husband for his time away with his hobby. He is always willing to not go and let me do something. It's ME. I'm the one that can't seem to ask.) 

 

Anyway, I feel like I have lost myself along the way; and as much as I love my family, I feel like they are my only identity anymore.  Sometimes, I want something that is just me. I find a little happiness in an activity that's not mommy/wife related. (Is that selfish?) But, when I try to think of something I might like to do, I draw a blank and I feel like the most boring person ever. 

 

So, please tell me I'm not alone in this! Please tell me I'm not the only one who feels like the only thing they are (maybe) good at is being a mom?

Any ideas for me to try? Any hobbies to look at? 

(No volunteering outside of the home...I teach outside the home, so that time is taken and I already volunteer at church.) 

 

 

You are not alone. I'm learning guitar. I feel like just connecting with music and improving myself for myself is really wonderful for me. I have a job outside the home but it's not the same. I do this no  matter how much I suck. :)

 

blackjackoaktree, I'm very sorry for your recent losses.

[Little Nyssa]

I have been there too! What I recommend is first taking a little time regularly just to do nothing at all, alone, with no pressure and no expectations. Say go out for coffee all by yourself every week. Just sit. Remember who you are. What you want to do will become clear to you. You could bring a book or newspaper or notebook.

I wouldn't dive into a new project immediately since it could turn out to be just more work.

:)

[Rosie_0801]

If your husband can afford petrol money to go fly fishing, you can take a bit of petrol money and go road tripping too, can't you?

[LucyStoner]

Could you ask your husband to help remind you to take that time for yourself? My husband learned that I wouldn't take it on my own and so he started gently reminding me until it became a new habit. Your husband loves you. If you get him on board with this you will probably find he is your biggest advocate.

[LoveMyBeautifulGift]

Just finished The Fringe Hours, which is about just this topic.  What I particularly liked was that it didn't read like another mommy blog (ie, it wasn't full of "insights" and affirmations about "mama" hood), which so many books I've found on the topic lately to be. This week, I am tracking my time (well, doing my best to, anyway) and then I will consider what to do next.  After reading it, I've really been thinking about carving out some me time in the morning for a cuppa and some more reading. Tomorrow's library trip, I plan to browse outside of my usual stacks and pick up whatever catches my attention-maybe I'll find something to get into, maybe all I will accomplish is to read some books next week, but at least I will get to read (which is something I enjoy but rarely make time to do).    

 

ETA: re-reading that-I enjoy many mommy blogs and have nothing against them, I just found the tone refreshing after a stack of books that all felt like so much of the same and didn't really give me the sense of direction I needed. 

[LucyStoner]

Just finished The Fringe Hours, which is about just this topic. What I particularly liked was that it didn't read like another mommy blog (ie, it wasn't full of "insights" and affirmations about "mama" hood), which so many books I've found on the topic lately to be. This week, I am tracking my time (well, doing my best to, anyway) and then I will consider what to do next. After reading it, I've really been thinking about carving out some me time in the morning for a cuppa and some more reading. Tomorrow's library trip, I plan to browse outside of my usual stacks and pick up whatever catches my attention-maybe I'll find something to get into, maybe all I will accomplish is to read some books next week, but at least I will get to read (which is something I enjoy but rarely make time to do).

 

ETA: re-reading that-I enjoy many mommy blogs and have nothing against them, I just found the tone refreshing after a stack of books that all felt like so much of the same and didn't really give me the sense of direction I needed.

Yeah, I am very tired of the blogs as books publishing model. It makes finding good, new, non-fiction about many topics tiresome at times.

[MommaOfalotta]

You aren't alone. I don't really have any hobbies... and don't really have the desire to find a new one ATM. I mean, I enjoy reading or working on a project (right now its VBS for Church) BUT anything I like to do on my own.. I Like to do ALONE :) That's my problem. I never want to crack out supplies and work on something while the kids are running around (my 2yo ds would be grabbing EVERYTHING.) So I always say, "Oh, I'll wait until the kids go to bed." Psh... I'm asleep two seconds after I get my youngest in his bed.

 

I always use "I just don't have the time" for my excuse, when I really mean.. "I don't have any ALONE time!"

 

P.S. Dh will leave and take the kids to his moms house for a day so I can mentally recharge.. he knows I'm an introvert and love being home alone (guilty!) BUT, this usually only happens about 1-2x a year when I'm just at total burnout stage. We also don't go on dates unless its our anniversary :( We are planning on going away for a romantic weekend for our anni this year, which I think time away like that really helps me feel like the old me.

 

Maybe that's an option for you and Dh?

[marbel]

I have been there too! What I recommend is first taking a little time regularly just to do nothing at all, alone, with no pressure and no expectations. Say go out for coffee all by yourself every week. Just sit. Remember who you are. What you want to do will become clear to you. You could bring a book or newspaper or notebook.

I wouldn't dive into a new project immediately since it could turn out to be just more work.

:)

 

This is a good idea.

 

Another thing is to watch how you use those little bits of free time during the day or evening.  I had a big insight one day when I was lamenting my lack of ability to do anything I enjoyed... while simultaneously standing at the kitchen counter, mindlessly eating chocolate chips right out of the bag while flipping through a catalog full of stuff I would never buy.

 

Sometimes it's hard to put those little bits of time together. But when I started leaving my cross-stitch project or knitting out... I would make a little progress on those each day.    My daughter draws, and she loves to quickly sketch something when she has a few minutes in between things.  It's amazing how refreshing that can be.

 

(Not that you shouldn't aim for more, but to start. And, you know, that season of life thing.)

[jenn-]

My sister just moved into a new home and is decorating. She had been in a dinky, horrid apartment and now she's cutting loose and decorating to her hearts content. I'm a bit jealous of her ability to decorate right now and to start all of her "upcycling" with furniture.

I used to write, sing, pain/draw/create. Now, the only thing I feel like I'm good at is Netflix marathons and those leave me brain dead.

So, yes, I think you hit it on the head - creative crisis.

 

When you think about the hobbies you used to do, is one tugging at your heartstrings more than another?

 

I am a creative hobby jumper. I learned to sew and did that for awhile. I learned to crochet and now have an etsy store (which ironically sucked the fun right out of crocheting). I participated in NANOWRIMO for about 5 year which is a month (November) of intensive novel writing. I know they do a less organized version over some of the summer months. I also pick up my pencil and drawing pad again. I seriously can't draw worth a darn, but I'm not in it to impress anyone.

 

The good thing about all these choices is the ability to do them at home or out and about. Head to the nearest bookstore with a drawing pad and people watch. You may be inspired by what you see to scribble down a story line or draw a picture. If not, well, go hunt down a book.

 

I just spent the last two months designing and constructing a chicken coop. It was a lot of work but I bounced out of bed early every morning excited to work on it and typically worked until I couldn't see in the dark anymore. Now that I'm done, I'm mentally and physically bored as well.

[Thia7278]

You are definitely not alone.  Last summer my "baby" turned 4 and I felt like I was coming out of a fog.  I picked up my crochet hooks that had been collecting dust for years.  I have read a crazy amount of books in the last year (thanks to upgrading to a smart phone I can read on).  I even had the opportunity to travel to family alone for a week (I know that was a rare, special, wonderful thing).  I am not saying it has been a year of roses, but I do get chances to put out feelers every now and again. 

I used to sing a lot...been years since I've done anything but bellow to whatever is on Spotify, but I did find vocal exercises on You Tube that I started doing last summer (then had no time during school).  Also, there are a few good language apps out that, if you think you might want to learn a language. 

[Soror]

BTDT for way too long, chronicled too much of it here. It isn't always easy figuring out what *you* want to do because sometimes it changes a bit because you have changed. 

 

Start small, read the book, ask around about classes offered. Our local college has continuing education classes for cheap and you never know what they will have, I know cake decorating was on there for a bit. Every little step out it is easier and a little less scary.

 

I thought about going back to get an advanced degree in my previous field, thankfully realized that would have add way more work than reward to my plate when the part I missed I could do for free- ie volunteering. I started volunteering with older girls in a group my kids were already a part of, so it doesn't take anymore time out of our schedule but I get to turn off the mom role a bit.

 

I've tried off and on to get back into the gym because that was a love but I don't enjoy a traditional gym anymore.

 

I tried triathlon training to get that off my bucket list and realized I didn't really want to do it, I wanted to say I did it, which is stupid. So I quit that and kept with just doing recreational biking as I also realized that I don't really like swimming or running, which really make wanting to do a triathlon even more stupid for me. 

 

Finally found a good yoga class and it helped stoke the flames of my love of yoga which the birth of my last baby brought anew. I'm starting teacher training in August. I had a dream of doing this before but let my fears stop me.

 

Also, I just started Silks classes (like the big silks that hang in the air and they do acrobatics in) because it sounded really fun.

 

I also started gymnastics class this week, maybe I'll finally get a cartwheel down finally :)

 

I have this maybe dream of my own gym/workout space, offering yoga and things like silks, bringing it to my little town that doesn't have it. I want a place to talk about things like natural movement, body alignment, barefoot living, real food, nurturing mom and having fun. This might be a pipe dream that never happens but right now it is a little seed and I'm going to water it and see what comes....

 

I love cooking myself, not baking, and have thought about taking some classes but I've yet to hear about any, so at this point this is just me watching Master Chef and trying fancy recipes here and there (my goal is once a week right now!).

 

I've been taking little road trips with a good friend, a friend I can totally be myself with, warts and all.

 

We did some travelling, another dream that I had tucked away but didn't act on, we went road tripping 4500 miles across the Southwest. I've started planning more trips, some family, some with friends (one scheduled for the end of this month) and some with just dh. 

 

I don't know why exactly but I suddenly woke up and realized that all these wishes and dreams I had weren't going to happen on their own and I needed to be proactive to make them happen. Either I work on doing them because I really do want to or I let go of those dreams because there not really mine. We are not getting any younger. I've adopted the hashtag #YOLO (because it is silly and it makes me laugh but it is true) and also adopted the motto "Do all the fun things."

 

As an aside as Katie(Lucy) mentioned up thread my dh has been crazy supportive for years he has told me to take time to myself and now I am. I messaged him the other day if he thought it would be crazy if I started a Silks class, it is a considerably time commitment, not to mention logistics of babysitting and money and he said go for it. He also told me it made him feel better about doing more kayaking as that is his love, now I like to do trips with him but he likes to go longer and really push it so he will be having some of those trips on his own now.

[marbel]

 

<snip>

 

Also, I just started Silks classes (like the big silks that hang in the air and they do acrobatics in) because it sounded really fun.

 

<snip>

 

 

Wow!  I saw someone at a Renaissance Faire doing this.  It's amazing!

 

Anyone want to see what it looks like, I think the website for Circus Stella must have some clips.  (And if that looks like a shameless promotional plug, I guess it is.  But I have no connection with them other than being awed by the silks work.)

 

[Soror]

Wow!  I saw someone at a Renaissance Faire doing this.  It's amazing!

 

Anyone want to see what it looks like, I think the website for Circus Stella must have some clips.  (And if that looks like a shameless promotional plug, I guess it is.  But I have no connection with them other than being awed by the silks work.)

 

LOL, it is amazing, I look nothing at all like that as I just started but you got start some where :) I think it is partly my desire to do something creative that is luring me.

[DawnM]

Hobbies dont' do it for me.  I did a few hobbies when I worked full time.  I am not much of a hobbies person.

 

I really just want to go back to work.  It can't happen right now, but I may try to find something part time for next year.

 

 

[Corbster98]

You are definitely NOT alone in this feeling. My sons are older now, almost 17yo and 11yo, and I am still struggling with the 'who am I' besides being their Mom. My husband has 20 years active duty Army service and within the past 10 years, we have moved 5 times ( different states and a year unaccompanied tour for him). With his schedule being so unpredictable ( and often very late hours) and taking him away for long periods of time, I have been pretty much alone in raising these children so I haven't had time to take for myself, even if I wanted to. Now that the boys are much older, elite competitive swimming ( for 3.5 hours daily/ 7 days per week) in a training facility that is a 45 minute drive one-way eats WAY into our schedules. Don't even get me started on the summer schedule, which we are currently in, that has 10 practices per week with doubles on Mon, Wed and Thursdays. It is an exhausting schedule.

 

With that said, I was able to find time to take some horse riding lessons for a few months this past year. I really enjoyed it, but the instructor and I were not a very good match so I am searching for another option that is local but not to the tune of $50 per hour as I was paying, because that just isn't realistically in our budget at this moment for weekly lessons that were required by previous instructor.

 

Just wanted you to know you aren't alone. It is so easy to lose yourself once you become a full time Mom.

[Valley Girl]

You are SO not alone. One of my goals--along with everything else I need to do this summer--is to try to find a little piece of what I used to be and build on that. I've forgotten who that woman was. As important as my roles and my family are to me, I need to be more than wife/mother/household administrator.

[Southern Ivy]

You aren't alone. I don't really have any hobbies... and don't really have the desire to find a new one ATM. I mean, I enjoy reading or working on a project (right now its VBS for Church) BUT anything I like to do on my own.. I Like to do ALONE :) That's my problem. I never want to crack out supplies and work on something while the kids are running around (my 2yo ds would be grabbing EVERYTHING.) So I always say, "Oh, I'll wait until the kids go to bed." Psh... I'm asleep two seconds after I get my youngest in his bed.

 

I always use "I just don't have the time" for my excuse, when I really mean.. "I don't have any ALONE time!"

 

P.S. Dh will leave and take the kids to his moms house for a day so I can mentally recharge.. he knows I'm an introvert and love being home alone (guilty!) BUT, this usually only happens about 1-2x a year when I'm just at total burnout stage. We also don't go on dates unless its our anniversary :( We are planning on going away for a romantic weekend for our anni this year, which I think time away like that really helps me feel like the old me.

 

Maybe that's an option for you and Dh?

We try to get dates here and there. It's hard finding a sitter now that our "go-to" moved back to her hometown. But, we try. We're leaving next Thursday for a late anniversary trip. It will be good to relax, if only for a little bit. 

 

This is a good idea.

 

Another thing is to watch how you use those little bits of free time during the day or evening.  I had a big insight one day when I was lamenting my lack of ability to do anything I enjoyed... while simultaneously standing at the kitchen counter, mindlessly eating chocolate chips right out of the bag while flipping through a catalog full of stuff I would never buy.

 

Sometimes it's hard to put those little bits of time together. But when I started leaving my cross-stitch project or knitting out... I would make a little progress on those each day.    My daughter draws, and she loves to quickly sketch something when she has a few minutes in between things.  It's amazing how refreshing that can be.

 

(Not that you shouldn't aim for more, but to start. And, you know, that season of life thing.)

 

I am horrible at wasting time on FB, here, and watching Netflix. If I would stop sitting down, playing on the computer and on my phone, I imagine I would have more time that I think. 

 

When you think about the hobbies you used to do, is one tugging at your heartstrings more than another?

 

I am a creative hobby jumper. I learned to sew and did that for awhile. I learned to crochet and now have an etsy store (which ironically sucked the fun right out of crocheting). I participated in NANOWRIMO for about 5 year which is a month (November) of intensive novel writing. I know they do a less organized version over some of the summer months. I also pick up my pencil and drawing pad again. I seriously can't draw worth a darn, but I'm not in it to impress anyone.

 

The good thing about all these choices is the ability to do them at home or out and about. Head to the nearest bookstore with a drawing pad and people watch. You may be inspired by what you see to scribble down a story line or draw a picture. If not, well, go hunt down a book.

 

I just spent the last two months designing and constructing a chicken coop. It was a lot of work but I bounced out of bed early every morning excited to work on it and typically worked until I couldn't see in the dark anymore. Now that I'm done, I'm mentally and physically bored as well.

 

Honestly, cross stitching has been popping into my head a lot lately. I think I'm going to get ready, pack up the kid, and go to Hobby Lobby. I honestly think that the drive to HL or Michaels is a deterrent for me. Hobby Lobby used to be 10 minutes from my house. I could pop in and grab and do. Now, it's 75 minutes away and it's a pain to drive that far sometimes. Guess I need to suck it up and just go. 

 

Hobbies dont' do it for me.  I did a few hobbies when I worked full time.  I am not much of a hobbies person.

 

I really just want to go back to work.  It can't happen right now, but I may try to find something part time for next year.

See, for me, I'm desperate to quit my job. I hate it, but it pays the bills and gives me summers off. That's some of my problem as well, I think. I tend to put things "on hold" until life is the way I want it to be. If I keep doing that though, I'm going to feel this way for another 2 years. No bueno. 

I hope the job fills that part for you, though. I know how important it is to find something you love to do! 

[Southern Ivy]

BTDT for way too long, chronicled too much of it here. It isn't always easy figuring out what *you* want to do because sometimes it changes a bit because you have changed. 

 

Start small, read the book, ask around about classes offered. Our local college has continuing education classes for cheap and you never know what they will have, I know cake decorating was on there for a bit. Every little step out it is easier and a little less scary.

I wish we had a local college or community college. :( I would love to dabble in some culinary arts programs. Maybe when we move closer to the city. My school district has a craft night for teachers during the year. I didn't go this year; but if it's offered next year, I will make it a priority to attend. 

 

I thought about going back to get an advanced degree in my previous field, thankfully realized that would have add way more work than reward to my plate when the part I missed I could do for free- ie volunteering. I started volunteering with older girls in a group my kids were already a part of, so it doesn't take anymore time out of our schedule but I get to turn off the mom role a bit.

 

We discussed my going back to get my Masters. I was really thinking about it, but decided against it. When we looked at the cost vs the income, I would have to work an additional 5 years after completing the course. So, that would be 8 more years working. My dd would be in 5th then and I'm not willing to put her into our school system. 

I have toyed with the idea of going back to school when she's older and getting my degree so that I can possibly go back to work when she's in college. That's a 15 years away though. haha

 

 

I've tried off and on to get back into the gym because that was a love but I don't enjoy a traditional gym anymore.

 

I tried triathlon training to get that off my bucket list and realized I didn't really want to do it, I wanted to say I did it, which is stupid. So I quit that and kept with just doing recreational biking as I also realized that I don't really like swimming or running, which really make wanting to do a triathlon even more stupid for me. 

 

I thought of doing a marathon, but then I realized I hate sweating and running. So, that kinda nixes the marathon! 

 

Finally found a good yoga class and it helped stoke the flames of my love of yoga which the birth of my last baby brought anew. I'm starting teacher training in August. I had a dream of doing this before but let my fears stop me.

 

Also, I just started Silks classes (like the big silks that hang in the air and they do acrobatics in) because it sounded really fun.

 

How fun!! Those take some crazy strong ab muscles, don't they? They're so gorgeous though. So graceful. 

 

I also started gymnastics class this week, maybe I'll finally get a cartwheel down finally :)

 

I have this maybe dream of my own gym/workout space, offering yoga and things like silks, bringing it to my little town that doesn't have it. I want a place to talk about things like natural movement, body alignment, barefoot living, real food, nurturing mom and having fun. This might be a pipe dream that never happens but right now it is a little seed and I'm going to water it and see what comes....

Bring it to my little town too, please. 

 

I love cooking myself, not baking, and have thought about taking some classes but I've yet to hear about any, so at this point this is just me watching Master Chef and trying fancy recipes here and there (my goal is once a week right now!).

I was enrolled in culinary school in San Francisco when I was younger. I chickened out and never went. I still watch the cake competitions and sugar sculpture competitions and Cupcake Wars with awe and envy. 

 

I've been taking little road trips with a good friend, a friend I can totally be myself with, warts and all.

 

We did some travelling, another dream that I had tucked away but didn't act on, we went road tripping 4500 miles across the Southwest. I've started planning more trips, some family, some with friends (one scheduled for the end of this month) and some with just dh. 

 

I don't know why exactly but I suddenly woke up and realized that all these wishes and dreams I had weren't going to happen on their own and I needed to be proactive to make them happen. Either I work on doing them because I really do want to or I let go of those dreams because there not really mine. We are not getting any younger. I've adopted the hashtag #YOLO (because it is silly and it makes me laugh but it is true) and also adopted the motto "Do all the fun things."

 

As an aside as Katie(Lucy) mentioned up thread my dh has been crazy supportive for years he has told me to take time to myself and now I am. I messaged him the other day if he thought it would be crazy if I started a Silks class, it is a considerably time commitment, not to mention logistics of babysitting and money and he said go for it. He also told me it made him feel better about doing more kayaking as that is his love, now I like to do trips with him but he likes to go longer and really push it so he will be having some of those trips on his own now.

 

DH has often told me to find something that I love, but I've continually drawn a blank. He would LOVE for me to join him fly fishing, and I gifted him a guided fly fishing trip (with me included) for his birthday one year. I tried to enjoy it, but I really hated it. lol 

I think I'll start with some cross-stitching and go from there. He's all about me being creative and selling it on Etsy, making things for my classroom and selling it on Teachers Pay Teachers, starting my own business...anything, really. 

 

 

[lailasmum]

I am in the same place really. So bored and just not sure how to get in to meaningful hobbies or maybe a part time job with very limited and erratic spare time and limited money. My thing is photography but I'm finding it hard to find time for it. I did start to learn bookbinding but I'm finding materials quite hard to come by so I've not done a huge amount though I really love the precision of it. 

 

I am probably going to do some studying that vaguely relates to what I did pre kids, it's not something I'm passionate about but It's mentally challenging and since I have the experience I could work when the kids are older as it would update lots of areas. It's still not actually time intense though so may not be the thing that makes me feel like I have time for myself or makes me inspired. 

[Murphy101]

For me, I don't think I lost myself, but for many many years money was just really tight and it's not particularly free flowing now either. So I always felt guilty doing anything I particuliarly wanted to do.

 

I still do, but not as much and it helps that I've seen my family really loves my interests too.

 

My current ones:

 

Pool/swimming

Garden

Fish pond

Rabbits

Knitting

Reading, mostly fiction

Hiking

Healthy meals and fitness

My catholic faith

Friendships

My husband

Board games and card games. (Me and the teens have a regular poker night twice a month. :) )

Updating the house, itty bit by itty bit.

New experiences/adventures in general.

[ElizabethB]

Is there a small lake nearby that allows fishing? Ususally children can fish for free without a license, it depends on the state.

 

I used to joke that I loved fishing, my husband would take the children fishing at a nearby lake. They both could fish with easy kiddy rods from the time they were two, moving up to a regular childrens rod between 5 and 7, and learning how to fly fish after age 6 or 7. When they were 5 and 8, we lived close enough that they could walk to a fishing lake!

 

I did a bunch of different things while they were fishing! Sometimes I would just relax and enjoy the quiet, sometimes I would enjoy doing the dishes while it was quiet, sometimes I would read or work on my phonics website. We do not live near one now or have time for one, but my daughter can babysit now and they are old enough that I can work on my website without interruption.

[kwickimom]

I was feeling like this last year and through a random facebook post I found a therapeutic riding farm near my house. My dream my whole life was to work at one. I signed up as a volunteer and it has opened SO many doors. I am now horseback riding again and training to be a certified therapeutic riding instructor. At first I felt guilty leaving my kids so much, but this has been a life changer for me and I let go of the guilt. I regret not doing something for myself sooner! I say find something ASAP and hop in!!

[jenn-]

Do you have a Walmart closer than a HL or Michaels?  They won't have the same selection, but they do have a small cross stitch area in ours near the yarn.  Does your DH tie his own flies?  Would learning how to make flies for him to use sound even remotely interesting?

[Laura Corin]

I didn't do much at all until the boys were teenagers.  I always walked for fitness, but not very seriously.  I feel as if my horizons are so much wider now: I garden, belong to a couple of book groups, sing in a choir, go to yoga, walk more seriously....

 

It may just be a season for you.  On the other hand, maybe a talk with your husband about getting his help to make sure that you pursue a hobby might be a good idea.

[Soror]

I wish we had a local college or community college.  :( I would love to dabble in some culinary arts programs. Maybe when we move closer to the city. My school district has a craft night for teachers during the year. I didn't go this year; but if it's offered next year, I will make it a priority to attend. 

 

We discussed my going back to get my Masters. I was really thinking about it, but decided against it. When we looked at the cost vs the income, I would have to work an additional 5 years after completing the course. So, that would be 8 more years working. My dd would be in 5th then and I'm not willing to put her into our school system. 

I have toyed with the idea of going back to school when she's older and getting my degree so that I can possibly go back to work when she's in college. That's a 15 years away though. haha

 

 

I thought of doing a marathon, but then I realized I hate sweating and running. So, that kinda nixes the marathon! 

 

How fun!! Those take some crazy strong ab muscles, don't they? They're so gorgeous though. So graceful. 

 

 

Bring it to my little town too, please. 

I was enrolled in culinary school in San Francisco when I was younger. I chickened out and never went. I still watch the cake competitions and sugar sculpture competitions and Cupcake Wars with awe and envy. 

 

DH has often told me to find something that I love, but I've continually drawn a blank. He would LOVE for me to join him fly fishing, and I gifted him a guided fly fishing trip (with me included) for his birthday one year. I tried to enjoy it, but I really hated it. lol 

I think I'll start with some cross-stitching and go from there. He's all about me being creative and selling it on Etsy, making things for my classroom and selling it on Teachers Pay Teachers, starting my own business...anything, really. 

So, maybe start with the book and some cross-stitching- have you looked at buying stuff online? For me to start something new I need it to be convenient. 

 

How can you feed your desire to bake? I always think of the lady who did the Julie and Julia blog, she just started on her own, so that is always a possibility. Or maybe finding someone else that enjoys it as well and working together with them. Taking time to find a way to increase your skills in some way; books, websites, videos, classes (online, in-person etc). What step can you take to conquering that fear? What is your dream? What will get you there? Even if one inch? What is realistic? 

 

Personally I wouldn't make it about the money unless you want to because you don't want it to be a chore. You might join him for fishing but I wouldn't look for his hobbies to fill your life but guys like to fix things. 

 

I bought half a dozen books on several hobbies as I had this idea that I would be this creative person all of a sudden, well I didn't end up doing any of that, as it wasn't really my thing. I talked about what I'm doing now but not how I started. I can't even remember all the things I started or considered. One thing that did stick was walking/hiking/outside sports, we loved this before but I had really lost it when I got Hashimotos. My first goal was just to make it outside, no time limits, now we spend hours outside many days and just got done hiking the southwest. Even though that is often something we do with the kids it is still feeding to my body and soul. I started back with yoga with a few videos, eventually trying a few different classes before finding a good one. I had to start with things that I could succeed with, which meant starting nice and slow and making it easy to accomplish. 

[marbel]

Do you have a cross-stitch store in your area?   I have fond memories of the one near my old home in Oregon.  The ladies there were super helpful and they had a far better selection than any of the "regular" crafts stores.  They would refer to Hoffman Distributing for online ordering; they also have a store locator.  

[Southern Ivy]

Is there a small lake nearby that allows fishing? Ususally children can fish for free without a license, it depends on the state.

 

I used to joke that I loved fishing, my husband would take the children fishing at a nearby lake. They both could fish with easy kiddy rods from the time they were two, moving up to a regular childrens rod between 5 and 7, and learning how to fly fish after age 6 or 7. When they were 5 and 8, we lived close enough that they could walk to a fishing lake!

 

I did a bunch of different things while they were fishing! Sometimes I would just relax and enjoy the quiet, sometimes I would enjoy doing the dishes while it was quiet, sometimes I would read or work on my phonics website. We do not live near one now or have time for one, but my daughter can babysit now and they are old enough that I can work on my website without interruption.

Our local park has a kids only fishing pond. DH plans to take her (and has taken her to his work where they have a stocked lake), but she gets distracted VERY easily. haha He definitely wants to get her into fishing, though. Probably another 2 years before she has the attention span for it. 

 

Do you have a Walmart closer than a HL or Michaels?  They won't have the same selection, but they do have a small cross stitch area in ours near the yarn.  Does your DH tie his own flies?  Would learning how to make flies for him to use sound even remotely interesting?

I do have a Walmart, but I must have missed the cross-stitch section. We ventured out to HL today and treated ourselves to Orange Leaf! I found two beginner cross-stitch patterns that will look good in my dd's room. I figured I should back up to beginner since I haven't done it in 20+ years!

 

Dh does tie his own flies. That is his winter hobby. I do find it very interesting, but he loves that as much as he loves fishing. So, even though I find it neat and might try it sometime, I do not want to take that away from him. (He's really good, too. He was tying some at a fly fishing meeting last night and had an audience because of some technique he uses. Even the guys who have been doing it years longer were impressed.  :thumbup: )

 

So, maybe start with the book and some cross-stitching- have you looked at buying stuff online? For me to start something new I need it to be convenient. 

 

How can you feed your desire to bake? I always think of the lady who did the Julie and Julia blog, she just started on her own, so that is always a possibility. Or maybe finding someone else that enjoys it as well and working together with them. Taking time to find a way to increase your skills in some way; books, websites, videos, classes (online, in-person etc). What step can you take to conquering that fear? What is your dream? What will get you there? Even if one inch? What is realistic? 

 

Personally I wouldn't make it about the money unless you want to because you don't want it to be a chore. You might join him for fishing but I wouldn't look for his hobbies to fill your life but guys like to fix things. 

 

I bought half a dozen books on several hobbies as I had this idea that I would be this creative person all of a sudden, well I didn't end up doing any of that, as it wasn't really my thing. I talked about what I'm doing now but not how I started. I can't even remember all the things I started or considered. One thing that did stick was walking/hiking/outside sports, we loved this before but I had really lost it when I got Hashimotos. My first goal was just to make it outside, no time limits, now we spend hours outside many days and just got done hiking the southwest. Even though that is often something we do with the kids it is still feeding to my body and soul. I started back with yoga with a few videos, eventually trying a few different classes before finding a good one. I had to start with things that I could succeed with, which meant starting nice and slow and making it easy to accomplish. 

I did find some cute cross-stitch patterns online, but I went ahead and bought some kits to get me started tonight or tomorrow. After I get comfortable with doing it again, I'm going to get some of those from Etsy. 

I have a friend that started out cross-stitching, then worked her way into embroidery and now has an adorable hand embroidery business. She just happened into this when trying to fill some time and she absolutely loves it. (She just made this pillow for my dd's bed.)

Not sure if this will be my "thing", but it's crafty/artsy and will at least get me started moving into something. 

 

I had a gluten-free food blog that I was working on last summer. It was insanely stressful during the school year, trying to keep it up. I should start just making things and as I can and continue with the blog. 

 

What step can you take to conquering that fear? What is your dream? What will get you there? Even if one inch? What is realistic? 

 

You've given me lots to think about. 

 

Hashimoto's is hard. A friend of mine has been dealing with it for awhile now. I'm glad you're able to get back to what you love!

 

Do you have a cross-stitch store in your area?   I have fond memories of the one near my old home in Oregon.  The ladies there were super helpful and they had a far better selection than any of the "regular" crafts stores.  They would refer to Hoffman Distributing for online ordering; they also have a store locator.  

Oh, no. No cross-stitch store (at least not in my rinky-dink town). There might be one in the main city, though. I might have to do some searching online to see. Thanks for the link. I'll check it out. 

[Southern Ivy]

Do you have a cross-stitch store in your area?   I have fond memories of the one near my old home in Oregon.  The ladies there were super helpful and they had a far better selection than any of the "regular" crafts stores.  They would refer to Hoffman Distributing for online ordering; they also have a store locator.  

There aren't any within a few minutes, but there are 2 in Branson. Dh frequently fishes in Branson and we are going there later for a small anniversary trip. I can take him fishing and I can pop in and browse! 

Thanks for that! 

[ElizabethB]

Do you have a Walmart closer than a HL or Michaels? They won't have the same selection, but they do have a small cross stitch area in ours near the yarn. Does your DH tie his own flies? Would learning how to make flies for him to use sound even remotely interesting?

My kids liked fly making, they like crafts! They bought some multicolored fuzzy yarn and made some cool ones. I made one and wondered off and let my husband and kids have fun while I read in peace.

[jenn-]

Our local park has a kids only fishing pond. DH plans to take her (and has taken her to his work where they have a stocked lake), but she gets distracted VERY easily. haha He definitely wants to get her into fishing, though. Probably another 2 years before she has the attention span for it. 

 

I do have a Walmart, but I must have missed the cross-stitch section. We ventured out to HL today and treated ourselves to Orange Leaf! I found two beginner cross-stitch patterns that will look good in my dd's room. I figured I should back up to beginner since I haven't done it in 20+ years!

 

Dh does tie his own flies. That is his winter hobby. I do find it very interesting, but he loves that as much as he loves fishing. So, even though I find it neat and might try it sometime, I do not want to take that away from him. (He's really good, too. He was tying some at a fly fishing meeting last night and had an audience because of some technique he uses. Even the guys who have been doing it years longer were impressed.  :thumbup: )

 

Our Walmart is one of the few in the area that still has a decent craft section.  Our cross-stitch area is near the ribbon and floral department.  They tried to take away our fabric section and the sewers rallied up and got them to put it back.  When you live in the tiny towns, you just can't take those options away.

 

I'm glad your DH has a winter hobby.  I was just thinking that if he didn't, it could be something to "share" in his hobby with.  I know most serious fly fishermen make their own.

[Southern Ivy]

Yes, DH is VERY serious about his fly fishing and tying flies. He even goes when it's snowing. He's insane. I don't get it. haha 
I'm glad we have our own spending money set aside each pay check, because fly fishing is crazy expensive!
 

[LucyStoner]

Yes, DH is VERY serious about his fly fishing and tying flies. He even goes when it's snowing. He's insane. I don't get it. haha

I'm glad we have our own spending money set aside each pay check, because fly fishing is crazy expensive!

 

My older son got really into tying flies for awhile. That can be something the kids and dad can share as they get older, giving you some down time. There's a really good book on fly tying for kids, written by a kid. I will see if I can find the title for you.

[Southern Ivy]

My older son got really into tying flies for awhile. That can be something the kids and dad can share as they get older, giving you some down time. There's a really good book on fly tying for kids, written by a kid. I will see if I can find the title for you.

That would be awesome. 

Dd likes to watch and "help" (as much as a 3 year old can help). Dh is really hoping that she will want to learn when she gets a bit older. 

[luuknam]

I do Toastmasters (a public speaking group). They may or may not have a group near you if you're in a rural area, which it sounds like you're in. It's creative (in that you have to come up with speeches), and it also improves your speaking skills, which is useful for most any career.