9yos and makeup

[Halcyon]

Other than stage performances or at-home play, I cannot imagine any reason that a 9yo girl should wear make-up.

 

Other than a stage performance, I cannot imagine any reason that a 9yo boy should wear make-up.

 

 

Because he thinks it's fun to learn how to apply it. 

 

That's my son's reason, anyway. He is fascinated by different makeup techniques, be it something fantastical like Maleficient or something more everyday like on Once--he is sort of obsessed with the Mad Hatter's makeup in that one and tries to duplicate it.

[SKL]

In my original post, I said 'it depends' on the context.

 

 I don't like to see little girls dressed up like teens and young adults, except in play or performance.  At a sleepover or playdate, or on stage, I don't care.

 

I think it's market and society driven - not a 'natural' part of being 9. And I would rather little girls got to avoid to pressure and manipulation of society and the market for as long as possible.

 

I guess y'all weren't big fans of the Beauty Myth, way back when ?

 

Some girls are naturally fascinated by this.  I have one who is and one who isn't.  I myself have never owned any make-up.  My kids do not watch TV.  My kid just happens to be very observant of people's appearance, and she has always thought make-up was cool.  (She also likes hair and shoes etc.)  For her it is her nature.  I'm sure there are other girls like her.

 

My other kid feels no pressure and takes no particular interest in people's appearance.  It's not in her nature.

 

I assume your kids weren't naturally interested and so you assume no kids are.

[zoobie]

I'm thinking of my oldest's love for blue, glittery eyeshadow at 9. She was definitely not going for any type of attractiveness. Or not to any human, lol. It was about the GLITTER. Because GLITTER. :)

[Soror]

Does anyone else not remember liking to play with make-up yourself when you were a kid? All I was thinking about is that is what big people do and look at all the pretty colors, just like my girls. I don't wear lipstick, very lightly tinted gloss only sometime, never eye shadow, usually IF I wear something it is BB cream a light toner for blush and sometimes mascara, so I'm not some mega make-up wearer, I only have it on a fraction of the time. They think it is fun and like to be little artists. Other people can think whatever, if they see my girls with their bright lipstick they like to sometimes wear and think that are sexualized that is on that person. Traditions and practices start for lots of reasons but the reasons change quite frequently as time passes, as it is I do things for me, if anyone else thinks that is offensive I'd just say that is more about them then it is ab out me.

[Truscifi]

I voted other. I don't care if kids wear makeup if that is what they want to do, but my kids would only be allowed to if they are willing to follow through with the appropriate hygiene routine as well. That's my rule for long hair as well.

 

Brotherman has worn makeup for performances and said he was glad he didn't have to keep up with using the makeup remover and face wash and such on a regular basis, so I doubt it will come up with him.

[Melissa in Australia]

only for pretend play.

 I remember my brother using makeup when he was 7 to make himself into a clown.

 

I don't consider lip balm makeup though- we use it here only for chapped lips whatever the age of the child

[Ali in OR]

Re: sexualization of children: I read whatever my high school daughter is assigned for reading in her high school lit class and was thus introduced to The House on Mango Street by Sandra Cisneros--I think its at least semi-autobiographical. One story in there that caught my interest was the author and a friend wearing high heeled shoes for the first time out of the house. It was fun at first but then they noticed that older guys and men were looking at them differently, recognizing them as sexual beings. This made the author very uncomfortable and she lost interest in the high-heeled shoes. I think real make-up (ie more than lip gloss) on a 9 year old can have a similar effect. People will look at her differently. They see the woman she will become, not the little girl that she is. We have enough stories in our newspapers of child porn stings in our town to know that the world is not always a safe place for children. SKL said princess dresses are the same thing and I would say no, they are not. Princess dresses are safely in the world of make-believe dress-up. Wearing make-up for fun at home can be too. Wearing make-up out in public is different and I don't think it is appropriate before about middle school.

 

My youngest has always been more interested in make-up than her older sister. She has long enjoyed painting her face with water-soluble crayons. Her favorite birthday gift for her 12th birthday this year was some real face paint. She gets to play around with making herself look different in an age-appropriate way. And by different I mean things like being a minion, a checkerboard pattern on her face, eye balls drawn on her eyelids, a third eye on her forehead, cat faces, etc. She can also wear mascara for dress-up occasions and lip gloss whenever she wants. That's enough to keep her satisfied for now.

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

Nine is a good age to teach how to nicely put on make up, if they are interested.

 

As to whether you let them wear it out of the house, it doesn't bother me. There are other things I'd choose to fight.

[Dmmetler]

No, not at home, not out. And I'd probably not let them for a ballet or dance type performance, but I might for a play wherein the child was supposed to look like someone else, or like she was an old woman or something. I find it um... uncomfortable when a child is wearing makeup for a dance performance. Just my taste, I don't think it's morally bankrupt or anything. :)

 

Same goes for boys.

 

Mine do all wear chapstick, but that's not really colored.

For dance, etc, the primary reason is so the facial expressions are at all visible-and depending on skin tone, so the gel lights don't turn you sickly green on stage. I have skin such that if I don't wear makeup under most stage lights, I look like I'm about to faint. So even on the third row of the orchestra woodwind section, I'd wear some makeup so I didn't have my section-mates worried about me (or worse, the conductor!.) I've known quite a few male musicians who would wear foundation for similar reasons.

[gingersmom]

I'm thinking of my oldest's love for blue, glittery eyeshadow at 9. She was definitely not going for any type of attractiveness. Or not to any human, lol. It was about the GLITTER. Because GLITTER. :)

I loved blue glittery eyeshadow at 13. A friend and I went downtown, bought some and put it on.

 

My mother was appalled and made a big stink.

 

40 years later and I still think we looked good.

 

My 18 year old daughter only wears makeup for special occasions.

 

My 15 year old son would definitely not be interested.

[waa510]

I've allowed my girls to wear make-up for Halloween, weddings they were in, and to play at home (but not if they're leaving home!). The pale youngest needed the make-up too for the wedding pictures as she was looking washed out in her dress. 

 

Otherwise, they don't really ask me for make-up or about wearing it. I would be concerned about a 9 yr old pressing to wear make-up. I'd worry that I were somehow contributing to this idea of 'needing' make-up to be pretty. A lot of my friends wear little make-up..if they do it's very natural. I think surrounding myself with women like that helps my girls internalize what natural beauty is. 

 

I'm totally OK with another parents' views on make-up. I hate the judgement-filled Mommy Wars so I try to live and let live. 

[shinyhappypeople]

See, I think 9 year olds already look natural and sweet. So what's the point of layering on more natural and sweet ? To look naturaler and sweeter ?

 

Idk. it doesn't make sense to me. Make-up is all about - at core - increasing your sexual attractiveness. Sure, it's also a social norm, but that's what it is at heart.

9 year olds should be enjoying their period of latency :)

 

To let them have fun and decorate themselves (within reason).  

 

I can assure you that you're reading more into my DDs' motivations than are there. 

[EndOfOrdinary]

My Ds LOVES nail polish. He has an entire collection. His idea of a glamorous and very awesome job would be to work in a nail salon doing all the fantastical paintings on the fake nails. This has taken some getting used to for my husband, but now Dh jokes that the boy is going to go to Harvard to work in fake nails.

 

The gender boundaries of body art are really leaving more quickly than not. Even in our rural town, most of the boys think it is great that our son gets to wear the various sparkly polish. More than once others have said, " I wish my dad would let me do that." Minecraft nails were a major hit, too.

[shinyhappypeople]

Again, why are we bringing "need" into it?  Do kids use nail polish and hair pretties and glittery designs on their clothes because they "need" them?  Can't it just be because they think it can be fun?  And who is creating a "social norm"?

 

Did I miss in the OP where a 9yo felt she couldn't be seen in public without make-up on?

 

Waxing is a whole other topic.  If my daughter has a noticeable mustache and she wants it removed, I'm not going to say "no" because nature is so superior to convention.

 

This.

 

It never ceases to amaze the lengths to which adults will go to suck every last drop of fun out of childhood by reading adult motivations and adult insecurities into childrens' behavior.

 

It's just a little sparkly lip gloss, people.  Get a grip.

 

Oh, and I let her get all tatted up with glittery butterfly tattoos, also.  Gotta let her get in touch with her inner biker chick, you know. (I jest)  Or it could be that those temporary tattoos are super cute and fun and when you're 10 it's totally fun to decorate yourself.  

[Arcadia]

One day I saw a picture on my facebook feed of an old classmate's daughter wearing makeup in a photoshoot. My first thoughts were, "ugh, why did you put make up on your daughter so young? Are those false eyelashes??!" I asked dh his opinion thinking he would be against it, but he said it was fine for the photos.

It depends on the lighting of the photo shoot. My oldest school photo for one year made him look jaundiced, the other year the photo was not as bad.

I look pale without makeup when taking photos in studios. Under natural lighting I look less pale.

[Guest]

Because he thinks it's fun to learn how to apply it.

 

That's my son's reason, anyway. He is fascinated by different makeup techniques, be it something fantastical like Maleficient or something more everyday like on Once--he is sort of obsessed with the Mad Hatter's makeup in that one and tries to duplicate it.

Someone who is studying, as a hobby or business, makeup artistry and effects techniques is a bit of a different boat. I'd put that under the performance category, because the makeup isn't being used in the way most of us are concerned about with children. It's an educational tool at that point.

 

/the kid who used to do the same thing as your son ;)

[LMD]

I'm not assigning need, the culture is. Already in this very thread we've had people say they need to wear it because of xyz. I'd bet the husbands weren't stressed about looking pale and washed out in photos.

 

My daughter has been a flower girl a couple of times, she wore a white dress, lovely shoes, hair done nicely, no make up. She had a ball getting ready and feeling grown up- I do allow her some enjoyment occasionally! 😉

She has my naturally very pale skin and can look washed out in pastels. If anyone had tried to tell her she didn't look good enough without makeup I would flip.out. Don't dare crush my girl's self-confidence because you need 'perfect' photos. (P.s. We didn't make any stink, it was fine with everyone each time)

[LMD]

And just to reiterate, I do not care what others choose to do. Not one bit. There's no room in my brain for imposing my preferences on others, too busy, too tired!

Please don't take it personally!

[SKL]

I'm not assigning need, the culture is.

 

I disagree.  The "culture" may have a preference for a certain look in adults, but not in 9yo girls.  And furthermore, the % of women who feel like they need to "put on their face" before they go out is dwindling.  Most of the women I know do not wear make-up except for special occasions (if then).  So that is what my kids see.  And they view make-up as a choice, not a need.

 

On the other hand, why is the "culture" allowed to pressure us into avoiding make-up under a certain age?  How is that any better than pressure to wear it?  I find it odd that some parents basically fear the day their kid asks to wear make-up.  Is it because we all remember some troubled teen who used too much too early for the wrong reasons?  Make-up wasn't the cause of those troubles.  The most troubled teens in my experience didn't wear make-up, so maybe I should be worried about my kid who isn't interested ....  Or maybe it's not about the make-up at all.

[MotherGoose]

My boy would not wear makeup, period. (Unless for performance/Halloween).

[Pippen]

To let them have fun and decorate themselves (within reason).  

 

I can assure you that you're reading more into my DDs' motivations than are there. 

 

I'm a toss on a bit of eye liner and mascara type of girl myself, but my now 16 dd has been fascinated by makeup from about the time she was about 6 or 7, when she had her first experience with stage makeup for a dance recital. I really didn't get it at all, but finally reluctantly agreed to let her have some "dress-up makeup" samples that my mom brought from the department store where she worked. She could only use it occasionally, with approval from me, at times we would be staying home, and she had to be able to completely remove it. We ran into a photo of those early results recently, and it was pretty comical. 

 

As the years went on her love for makeup never waned. Some time in her preteen years she started watching makeup videos on youtube and then somewhere around 6th-7th grade I permitted her to wear light makeup. Around 8th grade I finally took off the restrictions. On occasions during that year I intervened because it was overdone or inappropriate, but those days were exceptions. Just like with clothing, we had conversations in those days about her intent to look pretty, and what others might interpret of that same look.

 

Would I have prefered she had no early interest in makeup at all?  You bet--it was so different than my interests that I really didn't get it, and as she hit those pre-teen years I didn't like the monitoring or conflicts that would sometimes arise. She was so fascinated with the stuff for awhile that I thought she might be aiming for a career as a makeup artist, but these days she's talking pre-med. She still enjoys learning about products and techniques, and her friends call on her to do their makeup for special events such as prom. 

[Rebel Yell]

I couldn't click on more than one answer so I voted "other"

My explanations below in red...

 

How do you feel about 9yo girls wearing makeup?

1. 9yo is too young In general, yes...
2. Not my kids (but what someone else does with theirs is their decision) Not my kid, not my prolem.  I don;t see makeup as amoral issue
3. Only for special events (e.g. weddings, parties) Very sheer sparkly lip gloss, or full-face totally done-up make up?   little lip gloss and some mascara is fine... probably unecessary, but fine.
4. My kids can if they want to Not a battle I'd pick, but even as an old goth/punk I wouldn;t encourage my 9yo to go full-out Goth with her makeup at that age.
5. Only at home during dress-up/pretend play time  as long as it's dedicated play/dress-up makeup (as in, my old stuff- that kiddie make-up is just crud!) then have fun! Just clean up when they're done.

Now what about 9yo boys wearing makeup? 

1. Only at home during dress-up/pretend play time same as above.

I don't have boys, so didn;t give it a ton of thought. I wouldn;t encourage it if I had boys, but what other people's kids do is not my business.

 

I am also assuming there is no "need" for it, as in to cover a scar, birthmark, or similar if desired by a child of either gender at any age.

 

 

[Mommy22alyns]

The girls get lip gloss and nail polish. We're very hit or miss with those. I wear makeup to church or out shopping, and I do so because I feel better in it. When the girls turn 13, we'll go get some light makeup. I wear natural, neutral tones, and while they are young, I will steer them that way. It's not a huge deal, just something pretty and fun.

[LucyStoner]

I have no idea. I suppose I would allow it for dress up play at home at that age. I might allow it elsewhere provided it wasn't garish or something. But probably not.

 

I have zero makeup myself unless you count cherry Chapstick so kids would be hard pressed to find anything to experiment with, lol.

 

My 13 yo niece has not expressed any desire to wear it. Neither have my sons or nephew. If my niece wanted to start wearing it, I would help her get some.

[LucyStoner]

I would allow nail polish. I'd also allow temporary hair dyes. I'm not sure why I am ok with that but not makeup.

[IsabelC]

Oh drat. Just replied with a lengthy and very detailed post and now the internet has eaten it. So short answer is I wouldn't forbid any of my kids from using makeup, but I won't ever encourage it either. If they develop an interest in makeup, we'll have a conversation about it and then they'll make their own choice.

 

[luuknam]

It may have been my comment in the other thread that prompted this post.

 

It was. It made me curious about how people felt about make up at that age (and other ages). Not that this board is a random sample of parents.

 

Plus, I'd never done a poll before, so I had to do a poll. :)

[Suzanne in ABQ]

My dd has loved playing with make-up since she was 3 years old.  I have a picture of her after she snuck my mascara and smeared it all over her face and clothes!

 

I got her a toy make-up kit when she was 7, but took it away from her because she couldn't keep it contained.  Got it all over the carpet and such.

 

I have it back to her at 9, and she and her BFF love to play with different looks.  Sometimes princess sparkle, sometimes goth.  

 

Sometimes she'll do a light, clean make-up look.  She's gotten quite good at it.  

 

But, I don't let her wear it out, especially if we're going to be around other girls her age.  I don't want to create a battle for the other families.

 

I'm going to give her a light Burt's Bees lip balm (Rhubarb) when she turns 10.  The rest will have to wait until she's 13 (the age we set for her older sister).

 

[SeaConquest]

I wouldn't care one way or the other -- boy or girl. If it was for a job interview, I'd feel differently, but generally I don't care about harmless self-expression. 

 

ETA: My DS6 has thus far only asked to dye his hair pink (temp color) and have his nails polished, both of which I agreed to.

[Paige]

My girls all love to play with make up and have for years. The oldest are 11. It was part of dress up play in the past and for the olders, it's now about fashion and style. They like to sew and design clothes, they like to do hairstyles, and they like to keep journals about hairstyles, fashion, interior design, etc. Makeup is a very small part of what they like, but I don't forbid it. I don't let them wear a face full of makeup out of the house, but I also don't let them wear dubious fashion choices outside of the house either. My girls are not into boys at all, so regardless of what anyone thinks, for them- it's not about sex appeal. It's about being pretty, different, experimenting, and above all artistry. 

 

I know many people who are much more relaxed than me, and it doesn't bother me if other girls or boys wear whatever they want on their faces or bodies out of their house. I always like seeing a cute little kid who has clearly picked out his or her own clothes for the day! For me, I was raised to not make a scene so flamboyant makeup or clothing seems a little tacky for every day. I am much quicker to judge myself as tacky than anyone else, so I'm not going around being the tacky police. If my girls' makeup is such that I don't notice and make them wash it off, then I don't care if I later realize they have some on. 

 

I loved makeup as a kid. Loved it. My friends and I would spend hours doing makeovers with hair and makeup and it was fun. We almost always washed it off before leaving the house until we were about 14 and we tried to be cool and too much makeup is not cool. I think it's harmless.

 

My DS has no interest in makeup of any kind and never has. If he wanted to wear it outside the house, I would hesitate because of my "don't make a scene" rule, but I'm not sure what I'd really do if it was discreet and tasteful.

 

I am fully aware, btw, that my "don't make a scene" philosophy is a little uptight and maybe not always necessary.